₦airaland Forum

MamaTej:
A sensible woman would've started a little home business with that amount. Some women aren't actually meant to be home makers.

there's still hope.he should sell the weavon and some of her expensive jwellry to get back the money to pay his sons fees

MrBrownJay1:
Divorcing that deluded demon animal you call a wife, is the ONLY way to deal with this nightmare.... If you beat that mad woman, she will now turn and play victim, even maybe send you to jail for it. While the truth is that she is NOT worth it.

Let that beast go as you will remain a miserable man forever while sleeping next to such demon.
Some women are very good at killing a man's dream!

BTW the hair technically belongs to you as she paid it with YOUR money. Burn it before throwing her aaasss out!

you're right but I think there's still hope.the matter can still be repaired but he has to make sure she pays for it.the solution is for him to sell the hair and use the money to pay his son's school fees himself. He shouldn't give her the money to pay o.he should do it himself then ignore her for a month

Omawunmi and her big afros sef

Its OK,haa

Emerald557:
The started when we were 3months into the marriage... Throughout marriage, if he has not beaten me, he has beaten me 10 times. He is a woman beater. He is a woman beater because just very recently, he beat up his sales girl's girlfriend in the name of disrespect. But hey don't men disrespect him? Y has he not thrown blow with them? The highest he will do with guys is quarrel. But women he beats and of course women will always be women.

if you don't have friends you can stay with why don't you want to stay with your parents till you get your own apartment? Abi do you want to die ?

Seems you're not ready to help yourself

jaszplus12:
my Lord and my God!!!
this should not go on... i realy felt my tommy churn at the fear and anxiety you experienced...healing comes from God alone.
you can imagine my feeling when my wife begins to raise her voice to the kids at home... i feel bad.
try to forget it even though its gonna be hard...one thing though if you have kids try to be a teacher to them and let them touch you hold your hands and try to understand their naivety as you help them along in their learning process,,,,in your mind keep saying,,,this is how to train up a child...seeking to balance their emotions and their ability....you will heal faster

do you know of any therapist not pastor o because when my mom took me to pastors as a kid saying I need deliverance I hated pastors more.I don't even go to church self because pastors aggravate matters more

Emerald557:
Thanks dangotesmummy, you know exactly how I feel inside

to be able to heal you have to leave that toxic environment you're living in for your sanity,mental and physical health and for you to regain your self esteem back

jaszplus12:
ha..i was a bit shocked when you asked but...
first know the reason behind why a child gets abused, This is usually when they are asked to do a chore. most children will grumble or just do a hurried job of it and you find out its not clean enough or disposed of properly , your first reaction is to scream....STOP!
when you were that young how thorough or perfect were you? most times we tend to think a child becomes perfect after five attempts at doing something... but no i believe we must be patient with them.
there is what i do, i stay along side them and control my anger at their foolishness at the same time gently ask them to repeat the chore,
even when i am angry i just control my voice not to display my annoyance else they arte bound to make more mistakes
then i keep saying its better to work hard to be perfect....that is called a hands on approach
try to read their emotions andwork with it positively.
dont send them to bring plate from the kitchen then half way send them to the bedroom to bring pillow for you then send again for water from the fridge... that isnt a way to motivate a child,
do the work with them they enjoy it better,,,use words like i expect rather than you should know....they are learning yet!
choi! see work wey you give me this morning oooo but i enjoyed it... we fit hook up cos i fit learn from you tooo

hiann as a kid when I swept and I didn't sweep clean,my mom will beat me where I'm sweeping with heavy slaps on NY back and emotional abuse e.g calling me lazy being, it's only food you know.in school you're not good, at home to you cannot sweep well.all these tings I'm saying happened like 19 years back or so but it's still Ringing in my head like it happened a second ago.

I also remember as a child I had a gift of cooking. Those days my dad will give me 100 naira to go to school and cone back,which also covered feeding money. Out of it since I had a flare and passion for cooking I will just buy little food and save up money to buy flour,baking powder,sugar, and milk to bake cake when I come back from school. By the time I get home and bake the cake to use it to surprise NY parents just to make them happy and make me feel accepted that I did something, daddy will throw away all the cake with trolley load of insults about how I am wasting the gas instead of you to be reading. It will pain me because I just loved cooking. Today I've lost my flare for baking. I don't even know how to bake again meanwhile those days once I read the cookery book it sticks and I try my hands.

The day I was in school and was fortunate to have a caterer who sells chin chin as my roommate while schooling I was a bit happy,I will l relearn how to bake again but when she's teaching me or telling me oya mix it,oya add sugar,my hands will begin to shake again and flashes of how my dad threw away my cake will begin to come to my mind. Trust me its not that easy to forget insults coming from your loved ones.its hard,painful and traumatic. I still didn't get it perfectly because it wasn't coming naturally. The scars are still there

MrBrownJay1:
Does it? It's actually soft compare to what others had on their faces.
I was just gonna participate in the carnaval parade, thus following what Brazilians do... Aka wear costume/face painting and just have a great time.

I see

lofty900:
lolz, most of our people then are no more, wonder where they are. I'm fine.

some of them have gotten new jobs hence are now busy and don't have time for nl,some are married and some are dealing with personal issues in their lives

sisisioge:
Just ask for nylon bag bros!

That's how I was on a job last week at an event. One of my tasks was to ensure the table cloths come back complete. Immediately after the event, I wore my glasses and scanned the hall to be sure all my keeps were where they ought to be. Alas! A certain man carrying a back pack had started folding the table cloths in his bag. The kind of run I ran towards him almost broke my heels. Alakoba, each table cloth was worth more than my pay on the job! Oyin ara! I would be in my forties before I finish paying for the table cloths niyen ke!

what did he now say or do after you caught him stealing table cloth?

whitebeard:
Yeah my parents did this too me..because of them I started to rely on pills and medications to reduce my anxiety..when I even told them it fell on deaf ears they still continued.. But the drugs do help me ignore them..for some reason it made me emotionally strong but when I don't use the drugs and I hear their voices from far I do feel like I am choking..my heart beats becomes louder and stuff like that..the price of tge drug I use keeps rising periodically soon it would be almost 5k for one thiny pill..!!

these emotional abuse causes damaged adults who are everywhere now.may God heal us

ewaoluwao:
They don't oo....ivie ojukaye has a very very innocent look nd would av killed dt role more.....jst lyk som1 here said its jst her luck

who is Ivie ojukaye again? Let me see her face?

MrBrownJay1:
Lol, have you never taken part in a carnaval parade (or fancy dress/costume party?)..... It's all part of the action, and this was just me waiting to be suited after make up was done.

BTW there is a huge part of the Rio carnaval's origin that comes from African orishas.... So, yeah there is definitely something spiritual going on here.. Lol!

haaaaa so you're fetish?

It looks scary o

Baddchristy:
I am a victim too
The only reason I'm still having a relationship with my parents is because I have to finish with school
The only thing I owe them is to send cash home frequently
And if I should have my own family,would definitely not want my mother around my kids

I know what you feel.just endure.that phase of life is terrible because days,weeks months after those angry words will be replaying in your head after they have forgotten. Its well.may older parents be wise to know they don't know it all.such parents creates resentful liars who will be a in school and b at home. Some even join cult to make them feel like a man or in charge

DanXplore:
we are really many. Loving should be heartfelt, but their style of administering discipline degenerated it to a mere mechanical obligation. Though we might not be experts at parenting as at now, we know atleast, how not to treat our unborn kids

there's a colleague of mine that hasn't gotten over parental emotional abuse unfortunately her immediate boss who isn't my boss is emotionally abusive at her.always calling her lazy,sloppy, ugly, cannot think and so many hurtful words even in the presence of her junior colleagues, flinging papers and files at her .Its so bad that when her boss emotionally abuses her saying I'm sure your husband won't be able to stand you,if I were your husband I'll have chased you out,how does your husband copes for marrying a terrible human being like you.he'll be saying it in front of the clerks and janitors. I feel for her because I have caught her twice conning out of her boss office putting her head under the table crying, wetting the documents with her tears.I console her though because I myself understands because I have been a victim from parents, but emotional abuse and constant embarrassments coming from your boss,what will you do?

jaszplus12:
hardly a day passes by that i dont recall some excessive words my parents spoke that left scars in my heart.
they never understood its effects on us as kids...low self esteem was the chief situation...
now i am married and i find my wife trying to toe that line and you need to see my reaction... unfortunately like most women she thinks i am being overprotective....now iam fighting her and fighting to save my eldest child from falling into that depressive state
the Lord will help us as parents,,,,

its rare for older generation of parents not to emotionally abuse their children

But I want to ask you a question. How do you correct your children when they err without emotionally abusing them because I want to learn too

In Nigeria emotional abuse= correction

In their mind they think they're correcting you not knowing they're killing you from inside.I also hated going home during the holidays. When I'm in school I'm always happy. My classmates, friends and teachers made me feel good about myself. Even when my teachers wanted to correct me it wasn't brash but the moment it's holiday one kind of sadness and depression will envelope me

Meanwhile if I don't come home they'll say so you want to be ri irikun ri not knowing all I wanted was peace

It has affected my adult life now because anytime someone is shouting or speaking to me angrily or not even talking to me or just shouting at someone around me I get so anxious, I begin to shake that it shows outwardly, my heart begins to beat faster that I hear it,I begin to feel so uneasy


As a teenager when I was tongue lashed I used to pray in my heart that God should take me away in my sleep.I don't want to wake up to experience another bout or round of tongue lashing

I hated home terribly. I've tried to get over anxiety but its not working.I remember those days after the insults I won't be able to eat,my tummy will begin to hurt so bad.2,3days will pass I will not be hungry, I will buy vitamin c and multi vite so I'll have appetite, by the time the appetite comes,I will over eat.when I see my parents come back from work and they see me eating I will loose my appetite immediately or go to the room to be able to eat.it was that bad

Wetin person no go see for nl finish

cococandy:
And your problem is that you don't want him to bring another woman in. that's why you need advice?

Look at it this way. Another woman will share the beatings and rape with you. And sometimes he will hit her with the car instead of you thus sparing you the injury. Both of you can cry together when he's left the house. Another woman might just be what you need.

Since you can take care of yourself financially, what exactly is keeping you there? Someone says those horrible things to you, hits you with his car, beats and rapes you when you're pregnant and your problem is how to keep him to yourself.

I don't know what to say.

my dear a victim of serial rape,verbal,emotional and psychological abuse is vulnerable, will have low self esteem,the husband will make her feel she deserves all the animalistic treatment metted out on her.right now she needs healing, soul healing, mental healing, love to see that she's valuable she deserves respect and life.it's obvious the man has dealt with her so bad that her dignity as a woman has been stripped off.she thinks she's not valuable without her husband that's why.its love she needs not judgment

sisisioge:
Report at the police station. The Ex is defiling the court's ruling thus liable. Go report. Na him go use him hand pack those things come. Oyiinara oshii.

exactly. She can even level another accusations of theft and threat to life

RadicallyBlunt:
Hmmm. Juju supersedes court judgment be dat. It can be a line of business abroad o. To open a babalawo shop and control the whites in their divorce court and keep them confused

which yeye juju,which moda fokeen juju.the man dey use juju scare hayaj her.make she go there with better police and hot prayer warrior pastors

Meanwhile she still needs to go back to court to accuse him of theft since he has refused to release her properties this is a clear case of bullying and spite.na ego dey worry am.

MrBrownJay1:
FIXED

Mr brown why horns full your head?it looks scary and creepy. Are you into some voodoo issh?

baby124:
My dear your husband is mentally insane. He is a rapist, sadist and a psychopath. You will eventually die from stress and hypertension is you don't take to your heels. He already has another woman outside. Please step aside so that she can enjoy him fully and taste the wonders you are seeing inside the house with him.

Take your kids and run. It will never get better and such a man will kill you. When you are dead he won't have problems raping your daughter. When there is life, there is hope o. Your children deserve for you to be alive and take care of them. This man does not give a damn about the 3 of you. Just run away. Just admit that it was a mistake marrying him and run for your life. Is this how you want your son to treat his wife? Is this how you will want your daughter to be treated? If you stay you are showing them that such a behavior is normal. It's not.

op follow this post.baby has said it all

eyinjuege:
What exactly are you getting from that marriage?
Money, he doesn't give you for your children, he insults You, he beats you even while pregnant.
What exactly is the point of staying in such a union? You're still struggling to feed those 2 little children, yet he wants sex and doesn't want the responsibility that comes with it. Family planning isn't just the responsibility of the woman. If you're sure you've completed your Family, you can have yoir tubes tied or he can have a vasectomy. A vasectomy is usually an easier, more effective procedure than tying your tubes anyway, but most Nigerians don't like hearing about such permanent types of contraception.
I hope you have parents, if you die they will miss you. Your children will be at the mercy of an irresponsible man and his new wife.
Any decision you decide to take should be logical. What are the good things about your marriage? What are the bad things? What is important to your welfare, and the welfare of your children? Do the good sides outweigh the bad? From your narrative, your marriage sounds like hell anyway.

exactly my point I remember a case of dv similar to this but not as terrible as this. Everyday na so so wahala. Everyone told her to leave before she dies there.she said no she wants to stay because of her children. She eventually died there,the husband remarried immediately and the new wife was using her teenage daughter for prostitution,collect the money from the men that sleep with the girl to use to buy new clothes.the girl suffered seriously till she ran to our church and was rehabilitated.

All these fear and paranoia women have about their children if they leave the marriage happens immediately they die.is it the man that doesn't give her money now that she's still alive that Will pay her children's school fees when she's dead

Op if you don't walk out now and you die,if you have a son your husband refused to educate or take care of it's either he'll be a Lagos agbero chasing and hanging on buses on the road or he will become a pick pocket and if you have a daughter she will be used for prostitution or rituals. Be wise.this is an anti women society you're living in

Shebi you still have parents? Except of course your life is no longer valuable to you or your children

Smh.

Madam I want to ask you some pertinent questions you need to ask yourself

1Did you marry because of sex
2Was he like this before marriage (as in was he a rapist or he raped someone and you still ended up with him)
3did he beat you before marriage or he started
4.did he ever at anytime catch you cheating or another man has impregnated you and you pushed it to him and now he has discovered but he won't say anything
5.are you a constant nag
6.where you aware that he was a nympho before marriage
7are you sure he doesn't do drugs like smoking weed and stuffs like that
8. Are you insatiable financially
9.did he beat you before marriage
10.is he a porn addict?

Obviously there's a breakdown of communication so I advice you inform his mom and explain all this to her

Two choices.it's either you speak out now and get the burden off your chest or die of hypertension. Remember moji olaiya (nollywood actress) if you die during child birth trust me neither him or his family will send you and if he remarries I assure you your children will be treated worse than a slave that's even if they continue with their education

Acidosis:
I think it is unfair to call her husband names. Majority of households in Nigeria survive on lower earnings. It is only sad that this is happening in Lagos. Many civil servants in the state governments still earn below N100,000 after 8-10 years of service, so there is no evidence to suggest or call him lazy, especially since the OP has repeatedly emphasized that her husband is hardworking.

Again, it is also wrong for anyone to condemn their marriage. We weren't there when they decided to tie the nut some 8 years ago (at a time the economy was booming). I was a student then, and in some months, I get less than 10k as pocket money while living a "big boy" life on campus.

OP, I have to say "Congrats" to you. You know why? Money is the easiest thing to get. I'm happy you didn't come to demand loyalty, trust, faithfulness or the difficult immaterial issues that characterize many homes today.

N40k for a part time teacher isn't out of place. Except for the good schools on the Island, many private schools cannot afford that pay. I'm guessing your husband lectures at Ijanikin. I'm also guessing you live around that axis. By my projection, it means you spend less on transportation, feeding and accommodation. So, for me, I think this is a better deal than a 100k job in VI unless you're sure of speedy and reliable growth.

However, I'm totally in consonance with your husband's decision to explore. Your kids are grown now, higher schools and expenses have arrived and he just cannot maintain the status quo. At his age, getting a new job in a different sector will surely be difficult, but he has three great alternatives:

1. Business
2. Business
3. Business

That's where the secret lies. What business can he do? Which can you do with little capital? A Federal Government College may not be the best place to teach in Lagos. You know why? Majority of students in Federal Govt Colleges live in the hostels as most come from faraway towns/states, so the opportunity for HOME LESSONS have been automatically shut.

Nevertheless, you can create a new opportunity by yourself, for yourself: while still maintaining his job, he must think PRIVATE. Utilize the internet (beginning from Nairaland) and market his service.

A teacher in a Federal Government College can excel anywhere (I attended one, and I've lost count on the number of Professionals those guys produced in my set. 99.9% sat for WAEC/NECO with distinctions on first and only sitting).

Why must he settle for 40k in spite his heavy labour? His reward lies here on earth, and he must go for it. Channel your energy on internet/social media advertising if (and like you said) there are no connections. Home lesson is lucrative in Lagos when you meet the right audience.

Lastly, you're a great wife ma'am. I wish you all the best!

I agree with you a little particularly the area you mentioned home lessons. The husband can discuss it or suggest it to his pupils if they're interested. The ones that are interested will discuss it with their parents and for those their parents can afford it,fine.meanwhile the reason I said he should discuss it with his pupils is because children are more closer to their parents than teachers.its easier for a child to convince his daddy that he wants uncle James to teach her maths than he himself suggesting it to the parents

However where I disagree with you is in the area of marriage. Just calm down and read with an open mind and objectivity. The truth is that they were not READY TO GET MARRIED FINANCIALLY. 40k or even 58k is barely enough for a bachelor or spinster in Nigeria of today because by the time he pays house rent,NEPA money water money,lawma money,security money,then feeding ,transportation, recharge card and clothes, how much remain? You too look am now.how much more now marrying then 58 k a month will cater for 4 people in the house?haba.that was the mistake and like the Bible says if the foundation be destroyed what can the righteous do.he should have waited till he was financially stable and that one you're consoling him with faithfulness, loyalty, trust.why are you sugar coating the reality. Do broke men have the financial resources to cheat? Can they even maintain cheating. Don't you know unfaithfulness is very expensive at least financially. Do you know how much he has to spend before the woman open her thighs, how he has to be manufacturing new new lies everyday to give his wife?do you think he will have time and energy for all that? Do you think side Chic's date married broke men? For a side chic to date a married man money is the defining factor .so don't go there at all.if its about big dicks or to catch fun there are many Hot bachelors

Dainty1:
Thanks a lot for Ur advice.. I just wish someone out there could get him a lucrative job.. I will be very grateful

you no dey hear word,stop looking for a lucrative job and start looking for jobs on the inside.if no one will employ him he should employ himself and I have shown you the way out


If you're still looking for job in the middle of the year where companies are viciously running and competing to gather money before the end of the year, my dear you're on a long thing

Companies are folding up,industries are no longer able to pay their staffs salaries that includes ministries and you're still talking about looking for a lucrative job.do you think its only you that's looking for a lucrative job?do you know how many corpers they churn out every year flocking the streets looking for non existent job


Its time to look inward. Be self employed. Only you can empower yourself abi you no dey taya to dey waste money on transportation at the end of the day na same story


Even if your husband is employed today he may not be paid at the end of the month for his services no matter how committed and punctual he is.they will give you excuses.the economy is not friendly and government aren't helping matters.even civil servants don strike taya,still no show,doctors don strike taya na bad market

But if you know after all my rants you're still hell bent on looking for a "lucrative job" why don't you speak to some of the guests you remember that came for your wedding maybe they can help out

Niyinficient:
Ojodu Berger


It is only a mentally-blinded person that won't appreciate what's going on in Lagos. Upgrade security systems with no infrastructure? How so fix CCTV in d old abule egba, berger, oshodi, ajah etc metros? But now with d infrastrutures in place (ongoing and completed) in those place....CCTV, surveillance cameras etc can come into place cos people and acticities can b better monitored.

enle o.ambode boy boy.you leave security dey spend money for what I no know. shebi na where population dey concentrated na where una go fix CCTV? The higher the population the higher the crime tendencies. How una dey think sef

N.b nobody say them no dey try but first things first.its like spending a huge amount of money building a fancy house, making it look sophisticated and spending just little on security compared to the decoration of the house. What do you think will happen to the house with weak security system?

lockupnop:
Have ambode found solution for the ocean river taking over every road ?

I taya o.doing cosmetic window dressing of Lagos up and down

Those pictures wey he dey display, them born him well to go alone without his guards at that time of the night. Ani ke upgrade security system na picture perfect una dey do

Of which if you know pictures dey hungry you to display why una no snap for shomolu,bariga,oyingo,Alaba,ikorodu,sabo,alaba rago etc.na tooch places una dey snap.make them dey deceive themselves

BiafraBushBoy:
I think if them Afonjas can leave people's head on their bodies... We might have the next genius in Africa like Bill Gates

what's wrong with you must you bring tribalism into every issue for goodness sake Even when it's not necessary

Smh.a 23 year old already having blood on his hands