₦airaland Forum

TopBooty: Why do most ladies feel belittled and reluctant  to date a man who belongs to a social class lower than theirs but guys don't have a problem doing the same as long as the girl in question is lovely? Could it be that women are more  picky and materialistic than men? Do you think that social class should balance averagely for two people to have a successful relationship?

In Nigeria, ' abeg go find your level' is a slogan frequently used by more women than men when it comes  to relationships. Am I wrong?

thats cos Nigerian women are very vain,myopic and dumb-when they have like 5million naira(50,000usd),dem go think say dem don become JLO-its a shame,and funny enough-most guys dont give a Bleep about their money or status.its irritating and it shows a village mentality.

Kobojunkie: I will say this, the story told by this @OP is typical. People get into marriage EXPECTING this and that, not realizing that marriage does not come with guarantees of any kind. You have to be willing to bend and stretch yourself as much as is necessary to get what you need/want and to maintain the relationship.

My advice to woman going through similar situation as described by the @OP, and those who are depressed with thoughts of this kind about their marriage, is that they look inwards to find ways they can change their own desires and wants to suit their marital situation. If you are a lust-monkey under covers and your husband turns out not to be the romantic hunk you expected, why not adapt? Humans are built to do just that . . . yes it is unfortunate but reality is marriage is what it is . . . a transaction with no guarantees, and no refunds. So either you adapt to accommodate what you end up with or you walk out and go look for what you need elsewhere. No need whining, and certainly NO ONE-SOLUTION for all cases.

I feel I need to stress the NO ONE-SOLUTION message when it comes to marriage. No matter how sexy you become or already are, you are not guaranteed that you will have the best sex in your marriage or that you will not be abandoned at the end of the day. No matter how much "take charging" you do in a relationship, you are not guaranteed that the feelings will be returned. No matter how much you try to push a man into bed, if he is not interested, he is not interested. No matter how much you try to make a sloppy women into a clean-freak, if she is not meant to be a clean-freak, she will not be. So, this is why I preach that people who are married learn, to accept their partners AS-IS. As @OP explained, what she expected is not what she got. That does not say @OP cannot then move on to accept the reality she now has, and work towards a solution knowing this.

is this not suffering and smiling?

since you took your time to think of it carefully and feel its what you want,i think i feel you.
we can start by sending messages or chatting-swiftlink16@yahoo.com or 08063276708
i will make u happy.

BetaThings: Based on mere suspicion, people are deprived of their right as parents
The only adoptive parents they could find were those likely to put hatred of their parents religion in their minds

Some issues
This people never gave up the children up for adoption
They were under suspicion because their child died due to an ailment. This is enough jeopardy
Then 3 other children are taken from them. A woman labours to carry a baby for 9 months, the baby dies because of ill health and the a total stranger steps in and takes away the remaining 3 (THREE) children

says "what we have been through". Really?
how? were you forced to adopt?

what about the person who gave birth to the children? They could not have access, they were under suspicion for homicide while mourning!
People are really very very selfish!
The adoptive parent knew the biological parents were alive and were working to clear their name and then decided to adopt the children and turn them against the religion of the biological parents
She spared no thought for the family - what could happen if the parents were later found innocent!
Or perhaps to avoid the parents having a normal relationship (if the parents are found innocent) with children, this peculiar adoptive re-orientation process was engineered
For the parents to end their old life in misery!!!
She believes adopting all the 3 children from one family in a manner that estranges the parents from the children is commendable
The parents should be thankful that their children are now practising a religion that the parents believe will not lead the children to Jannah!!!

These loving Christians parents would never accept this if the story had happened in reverse
At least they would not be thanking the people who contrived to deprive them of being comforted (for the loss of that child) through the reunion of the other children
If this happened to a christian from the West living in a muslim country, it would be on CNN for months

big lie,not all news gets to CNN.

i have an oil distribution business you can invest in.we have supply trucks,we just need additional working capital to buy stock(diesel) from depot.call-08063276708

190smh: Seriously we Nigerian men are tired

We are tired,

The question remains - why do Home based NAIRALAND NIGERIAN WOMEN Lack respect

They are always angry, disrespectful, bad cooks, suck in bed and sexually faustrated and they disrespect all men (inclusive of 190)

on this forum as if we are the cause of their trauma

so we Nigerian men are saying it out loud - HOME BASED NAIRALAND WOMEN CHANGE - CHANGE FOR THE BETTER

So we men could marry you - stop been disrespectful and stop asking us for money ( we are not ATM's )

Stop thinking with the left side of your brains - HOME BASED WOMEN -

If you think you can wear short mini skirts and the first man that approaches you would marry you - we Nigerian men are sorry for you -

Change - change - change - A word is never enuf for a home based Nigerian girl only experience

this is uncalled for-have u been heartbroken or just desperate to find a woman?

[quote author=Mynd_44]I thought churches dont marry couple if the bride was pregnant. At least the anglicans and the catholic churches dont[/quote]guy you just messed up by mentioning those churches that allow gays...what is your point?

Ayee Idris: To answer your question, my husband waited for me for a year and a half and we only did it after our wedding. Not because we are religious. We are not. But because I was not ready and he knew I am "unpersuad-able". Married over a year now, first baby almost here. Life is good. Doesn't mean life won't be good for those who are ready and up to it. But its not "everybody" that does it before marriage. So if u are ready, fine. If u are not, fine. But please, don't do it cos u think everyone is doing o. Abeg.

Ladies if you pussy aint good enough,your man wont tell you-he will silently look for some other girl with some sweet pussy to be fucking on the side.

all4Him: @ topic.I didn't have se.x with my wife until after our wedding.S.ex serves as a final bond that consummates the marriage. If you have sex with your fiancee or gf, what if you end up not marrying them you have tied your self with some one who will eventually not share your destiny with you. I dont have time to give other consequences of premarital sex apart from the most dangeruos of all: hell fire, unless you repent(believe it or not).let me say for the purpose of this thread that not everyone is doing it. Enough said.

fucking risky,what if the ish is filled with akamu or dirty water...omo abeg ooh.

[quote author=gree-die]. Lol..... In my defense, kitty wasn't d exact word I used but yea!... Or ve u ever heard dat any k***y has honey init?[/quote]some kitty got akamu,some got juice,some got peak milk and some got just dirty water...lots of difference girl.

tpia1: Gosh, that statement is shocking.

its true,cos most naija girls are dull-their mind is hardly on constructive things-too lazy for that.

[quote author=gree-die]D assumption dat sex is a sign of love is often times a wrong one. Sex creates a certain bond nd perhaps dats wat some mistake to be love. Most ple believe love goes hand in hand wit sex but not necessarily. U can convince ur man dat u love him by doin tins ple in love do, go out of ur way to please him but stop short of sex. Tell him u want to wait til u wed nd give him reasons.

If he is worried abt ur ability to satisfy him, well all pussies r d same, its ow u use it. Tell him havin sex wont make urs magical, its ur ability to learn tru readin, watchin nd practicin in marriage.

If he argues dat he is sacred u may leave him, well sex wont make u stay.

If he is concerned abt ur fertility, well sex wont perform any miracle but medical examination nd treatment if necessary can fix d problem, drag him to a hospital

nd it he argues dat since u r goin to tie d knots soon so havin sex b4 wont make a difference, well argue back dat not havin sex wont make a difference either.

Make him see reasons nd do it lovingly. If he loves u, he ll bring d date a lil closer, not run[/quote]u re talking nonsense,sex is just excercise-part of living.most girls have no sexual feelings because they are circumcised...white girls get turned on easily cos they dont do circumcision.we are created to be sexually active.

It is striking that remarriages appear to work best when they have outgrown hyper-romance.A recent review study listed three top success factors - couple consensus, social support and financial stability.
These couples, perhaps having learnt the hard way, are now able to talk rationally about their difficulties, rely on the love of family and friends as well as of their partner, and feel materially grounded, not rushed off their feet.
More darkly, have you ever wondered why romance is so closely associated with death?
Think of Romeo and Juliet. It appears to teach that it is better to marry in haste, without thought, because that is what it means to be star crossed.
Although note that when Shakespeare told the story he called it a tragedy. He saw a deeper truth in what happened, namely that a tragedy arises when the pernicious action of romance seizes young lovers' hearts.
There are signs that individuals are rejecting the romantic myth. The number of people living on their own has risen by 50% since the mid-1990s. Many report that singleness means they enjoy more freedom and have time for other relationships, like friendship.
It is as if these individuals are bearing witness to the tyranny of the exclusive twosome that meets freedom and friendship with powerful feelings of jealousy and suspicion.
So why has romance become so distorting?
I suspect that the desire for a peak experience of love has eclipsed the fact that love is primarily about others. The romantic myth would have us fall in love with love, paradoxically not with another. This twisted love whispers that it does not much matter who you fall for,only that you fall in love.

just a thought.

Orpelin: Supporters of Pakistan's main religious party staged a noisy protest against Valentine's Day on Tuesday, denouncing it as un-Islamic and calling for a "day of modesty" instead.

http://www.dailystar.com.lb/News/International/2013/Feb-12/206151-pakistani-islamists-protest-against-valentines-day.ashx

let them kill themselves,then the world would be a better place without these Islam people.

Love is blind, the proverb goes, though it might be more accurate to say we are being blinded by a hyper version of romantic love, and are losing out on life as a result. To cut to the chase, I think that the romantic myth is one of the most pernicious of our times.
The myth is that there is someone out there with whom your life will be complete, and conversely, without whom your life would be a half-life. A major task of modern life is, therefore, to find this person and, falling in love, to cease to be two and become one.
It is hard to prove, though I wonder whether such a view of romance has become so monstrous in the pressure it puts on couples to find fulfilment in each other, that it actually undermines more relationships than supports them.
It is socially corrosive because it idealises love, rather than understanding that love is made not found. Love is made in the gritty ups and downs of being with someone who is as flawed as you.

watch out for the complete series.

silentlywild: Very interesting I must say! some girls are not playing hard to get, they try to go on all d dates that, are part of dating and ends up meeting the wrong guys. She is single because she discovers the guys she has been with have serious issues.

I once dated a guy who just used to ask me for money. Then dated another one that doesnt respect his parents ( dont want to be with someone that would disrespect my parents).The next guy had such an inferiority complex and, even when I used tosay things to boost his ego, he used to say he just didnt feel he was gud enuff 4 me( HE DIDNT HAVE ANY BAGGAGE like wife or child).

Another one I met always thought his friends would snatch me from him and when one of his friend approached me to say hello at a party , he was like she is MY girlfriend.


With what I have said...what den should a sister do to find A GOOD SERIOUS GUY FOR MARRIAGE WITH MATURITY,CONFIDENCE and A GREAT HUSBAND MATERIAL!!!

HELP>>>>>It is not about desperation just the right time for it....

you sound like a lady that understands the essence of relationship.i find you interesting.am 30,graduate 5yrs back and working.u can reach me at swiftlink16@yahoo.com who knows maybe we can make each other happy

[quote author=GARRI (x7)]MASSOB as an organisation should be disbanded with immediate effect. It's nothing but a highway to the grave (or prison for the lucky ones).

While the IGBO elites wine and Dine with the owners of Nigeria, enjoying opulence and leaving a flamboyant life, Uwazurike Raph goes about brainwashing gullible and senseless IGBO youths with the "mirage" called Biafra.

Only God knows how many of such youths he has lead to their untimely deaths or prison.The blood of these youths will haunt the leaders of MASSOB even in their graves..

RIP to the dead!!![/quote]thank God for your clarity of mind and insight.the leaders keep using these youths to gain political weight.shame on the youths for failing to realise that they are just tools in the hands of these evil leaders.

when them they cause trouble,dem no wan hear word-what do you expect the police to do?...sit and watch while hoodlums take over our nation.every thug,gangster or killer,knows the price to pay for the life they choose.

Godmother: @Babynatoday

I try not to be insultive when I quarel with my guy. That has neva been my style. But I admit I dnt seek his opinion on stuff so I ll try that one. Tanx

@ Connoisseur

I guess my problem is that I'm not too good in expressing my love. I always hold back cos of fear of being taken for granted

expressing your love is important,if you dont-your guy will keep looking outside,we are humans-we seek people to love us too.

1.always take note of the guy's Ego-never make him feel like he is not good enough for you(some guys are hyper sensitive)
2.Never mention your ex...except its absolutely necessary
3.be sensitive to his needs and moods,even if you can not support him financially when he is down,show empathy and talk to him like you care and really hope to be of help(he does not need you to give him money,the moral support goes a long way)
4.when you visit,try to arrange the bed,clean up his place and do some of his chores without being asked.
5.never ever nag or complain unecessarily

sweetcheecks: Hi all, ( this is long but gives a good background to the problem).
I have been dating this guy for over a year now. We both seemed to care a lot about each other. Had a challenge with a jealous friend who happen to be a mutual friend. I broke ties with her, he did not. We had a break of two months and I thought it was over but we reconciled. I suspect during that period he might have travelled overseas with our friend ( she travells the route often) to buy house remodelling material but he never told me and I never really asked. I had not really given this relationship the best attention becouse I have been going through tough times in my businesses and had plummetted into a financial crisis. I had never asked and shared my true financial situation with him. He would always ask me how things were and I would always tell him things are fine. I have been through the worst ever times of my life financially but have find it most difficult asking for help from friends and family.

I was just working hard on my business to try and turn things around. I always thought I do not want him to think I want his money. But now we are growing apart becouse I have been soo consumed by my situation and found it difficult to share it with him.

I planned visiting him after a had finished a project to take a breather and just spend time with him. I called him and left messages when i could not get him. The night before my flight to visit him he called and said he was not available that weekend and that i did not talk to him about the visit. What was supprising he always asks me why am I not visiting anymore. And now when I plan this visits he acts up. I was angry and told him that I am not interested to visit someone who does not want me around him and I would never force a visit on him.

When I ask him why he would not be available and if he is seeing someone he gets angry and says that its non of my
business. I told him, that it was ok I was cancelling the visit.

I later sent him a message just expressing my feelings about his behaviour and appologising for getting him angry.

He tried calling the following day but i was very upset and had switched off my phones. And if he got thru I would not answer. He called more than 12times and I just could not bring myself to talking to him, I was still very much upset. He sent messages begging me to call him back but I would not.

Now we chat but I cannot help but feel distance is tearing us apart and my inability to share my financial woes is
presenting itself as if i do not care about him.

I had promised to do some work for his business to help build his business brand and profile to earn some more money than ask him for money. But becouse of my situation I had to focus on my staff first.

I care about him a lot. I know we could be great together. But I need more than just a relationship. What complicates things to me even more is that a prophet told me I am going to marry someone else not him. Now with the way he is I am wondering if I should fight for this or just let go?

Over to you, NLers.

Please not dumb comments, just do not comment if you not in a good space right now

first of all forget that prophet issue...wetin concern prophet with your feelings,i believe this is the architect of your problems.women na wa for una oo-every small thing prophet,pastor babalawo...na una dey complicate issues for una self.cant you pray for yourself and listen to God speak to your heart?
dont you have spirit of God inside you?
or are u a learner?

KINGwax: Yond cassius has a lean and hungry look, he thinks too much!!
Lean ppl will infest u with unhappiness. I think they're HIV carrier too.

are u trying to be funny,or did you wake up at the wrong side...sound dumb to me

mataz: I like him tall and fit and the 6 pack is a must

and what are u offering mam?

Yield: ^

eat...lol,na food people dey find go for valentine?

Black beau,all these people go they form saints with righteous advice,but in reality they all have multiple lovers/boyfriends.
abeg enjoy yourself small,are u a learner?

KINGwax: actually, no, since ur bf is far away. Bt my advice is to av it with a frnd who u knw doesnt want anything else from u and u can never, even in the after life av anythin with.
The truth being if u were treated to a nice val treat by someone who attatched a sentiment, then biliv me, it's jes the start to an end to fornicate

what if the girl wants something...abi body na wood?