₦airaland Forum

chaircover:
Of a truth any wife will feel somehow at the reason why she comes futher down on a list of supposed loved ones. Its natural and I am sure you too would wonder if same happened to you

There could also be some other things that have happened in the past that had made her to question her place in your heart. You said she is a very detailed woman, and so could have noticed some things and read some meaning into things even if maybe you didnt intend it that way

But you have hit the nail on the head. Words build and words destroy and I personally dont understand it when couples say the most hurtful things to each other and then expect to to be able to come together a few days later like nothing has happened.
Each time you say something terrible, demeaning, insultive and hurtful one is only just gradually chipping away at the walls of the relationship.

Youve explained to your wife and you have also apologised to your wife. Wait a few days until she is calm and explain to her that her words are "killing the relationship and you dont have a problem with her getting angry over issues, but she needs to weigh her words before she spills them becasue once they are out there is no taking them back.

I will have go over this again and again till its meaning soaks into me more fully.

chaircover:
Of a truth any wife will feel somehow at the reason why she comes futher down on a list of supposed loved ones. Its natural and I am sure you too would wonder if same happened to you

There could also be some other things that have happened in the past that had made her to question her place in your heart. You said she is a very detailed woman, and so could have noticed some things and read some meaning into things that you ddnt even intend that way

But you have hit the nail on the head. Words build and words destroy and I personally dont understand it when couples say the most hurtful things to each other and then expect to to be able to come together a few days later like nothing has happened.
Each time you say something terrible, demeaning, insultive and hurtful one is only just gradually chipping away at the walls of the relationship.

Youve explained to your wife and you have also apologised to your wife. Wait a few days until she is calm and explain to her that her words are "killing the relationship and you dont have a problem with her getting angry over issues, but she needs to weigh her words before she spills them becasue once they are out there is no taking them back.

A very well articulated piece. Very balanced too.

Thanks for the taking the pain and time to write this. It's well appreciated. I'm grateful.

dunwun:
I can imagine, you feel pained!

Don't get yourself worked up. dont break your fast either. keep calm and quiet for awhile and when she's calm too, explain the situation again.

it's beyond the prayer list, she just thinks she's lost priority in your heart, (which might be true) and that is the issue you need to address not just with words but actions!

A few questions - do you normally pray together, do you pray for her and is she aware of that? has love grown cold between you too, have you began to take one another for granted? imagine you had to write that list before you were married, would her name have come up first?

Thanks dear.

Ewuro4:
Oga no vex abeg. Please follow through with your fasting, don't let the Devil have his way in your family.

I reserve my comment for your wife. It is well.

Without peace between us, the fasting is effectively starvation ooo

jadelyn007:
Op, as far as you have apologized then donot worry yourself anymore. Anybody could have made that oversight. Your wife happens to be someone with an eye for details that's why she is over-reacting.

Thanks, my dear. Indeed she's a VERY detailed person. Things hardly escape her notice. But i do a hard time swallowing direct insults. I'll do as you suggested. I love her so much...

Good morning, my good people. It's a privilege to be both alive and well...
This writ isn't about bashing the women folks. We can't really do much without their company, advice and support. It's about addressing an issue isolated with ONE woman.

It's not even about giving my wife a bad name. She's being a huge path on my life. It's about a matter i consider very touchy to me.

Thank God it's a faceless forum, hence we can bring up some deeply private issues so others can advise, rebuke where necessary, correct and exhort us.

The world pays more attention to physical abuse because it's consequences and scars are physical and tangible. But i believe verbal abuse is even more traumatic than physical abuse. The impacts of its are unseen, hardy known to outsiders, and yet even more destabilising and frustrating. It's scars lie beneath sur face.

Verbal abuse also posts a significant threat to the overall wellbeing of a home. I hate being it's recipient. Maybe that's why I don't dole it to anyone, especially my wife.

Couples of course do disagree once in a while in every healthy marriage. And it doesn't need to degenerate to name calling or direct abuses. No human is perfect. I can't claim I'm the perfect husband. I may sometimes be a bit too touchy when words are hauled at me. I hate being bullied. Tonight was one occasion too many.

I had gone for a church programme late last year. And the pastor asked us to write on a paper the names of all our loved ones so he could prayed against DEATH on their behalf. I wrote the names that flooded my mind that moment. We didn't have much time shaaa. This list is still in my Bible as I type.

My wife saw the list as she was studying my Bible. She observed, even to my surprise, that some other names came before hers. Some relatives of our both families came before hers on the list. I was even ashamed myself. I explained the situation and apologised immediately that it shouldn't be taken too seriously. She furiously closed the Bible and the torrents of abuses commenced. I know most women to be very detailed, observant and detailed. I'm still surprised that such a matter could create some tension in the home. I'm still struggling to continue my RCCG fast today. This ought not so to be.

The same God that blew away the whirlwind known as EBOLA, will also blow this one away.

Meanwhile, let's do our parts.

Another red card for Atletico. Shameful.

Oh Messi. ..Too tame shot.

That was some nice save from our Keeper.

These guys are becoming too rough.

barackohandso:
Red card Gabi. Hmmmn interesting

Sure victory

When? Didn't see it.

Atletico on edge. Feeling the heat.

Barca Freekick. Could be a goal.

Arda Turan momentary madness.

Second half underway. Barca in possession. Still in possession.

What a game. Thanks to Neymar.

I have achieved more since I started minding MY own business.

No time to bother myself over the affairs of another.

agabakennedy:
It is nt all abt cautioning our drivers.It is all abt God being on our side.Dude we hv to be prayerful.

God's sovereignty doesn't rule out human responsibility.

jpphilips:
Tell that to the US

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/expat/expatnews/7772548/Nigeria-unsafe-for-expats-warns-U.S-government.html

Tell that to the British

https://www.gov.uk/foreign-travel-advice/nigeria/safety-and-security

That's what responsible governments do.

jpphilips:
Defend yourself against foreign nationals? that's a new twist

All the foreign nationals were released unharmed.

EUROBOMBER:
I hope the Northerners can say the same words to Southerners over there.

Barcanista can't be sure of that. He knows.

swalkphoe:
[color=#006600][/color] I believe this should be at front page,if this is about war and needless rant it would have hit the front page ,but it's about peace and the moderators seems to oppose peace at all cost ,I have witnessed a war in Osun state and still lives with the nightmare up till today,be very careful what u wish for,GEJ and GMB will leave all of us behind to face.the music while they and their families makes analysis from where ever they might be then,pls think twice.

Thanks, my dear. Those who haven't witnessed a mere crisis are the ones calling for war. It's sad.

Let's give peace a chance.

jpphilips:
Tell that to the Itshekiris and foreign expatriates

Everyone has the right to defend themselves when oppressed or have injustice meted put to them.

Words that will live all through humanity. Words that deserve committing to memory. Wordsthe brave should carefully look into. Ken is my mentor till eternity; we share similar beliefs, ideals and values.

God will continue to strangulate the oppressors. Their own swords shall return to hurt their bellies. Their graves shall be more shallow than Ken's.

They succeeded in killing the messenger, but not the message. The ecological war is still ongoing.

And justice shall prevail. RIP, Ken.

byrron:
I have seen more than enough war-like crises in kaduna and those bitter experiences refused to fade away. War is better of watched in a movie than to experience it in real time.

Seriously? That's exactly why we should preach peace. It's better for us all.

huptin:
I witnessed the OPC vs hausa clash in 2001 at idi araba, i saw burnt corpses every where, i saw hausa people being dragged out of vehicles and slaughtered like goats, i almost vomited my intestines out and i had series of nightmares for a very ling time.

Never in my life will i join anybody to call for war..... never.

Thanks for sharing. Let's continue to call for peace.

Indeed, these are trying times. These are times that try the souls of men.

For the first time in my life, I fear for the future and wellbeing of this nation.

I didn't experience the Civil War. I don't want to experience one. It's stories aren't palatable. It's signs are yet unforgotten. It's scars are yet to fully heal.

And some babies are already beating new war drums. We don't need to witness wars to know they never benefit anyone in the long run.

I read all day long on Nairaland as juveniles continue beating war drums. I bet they have no idea what a war is. Most of them are yet to witness even a major crisis.

I read with dismay as kids utter words capable of creating a conflagration amongst us. The atmosphere is charged already. Let's not make it worse. We all will lose if this nation disintegrates.

I witnessed a crisis between the Ijaws and the OPC in Lagos in the late 90's, and it wasn't a good one. I lost friends and relatives to that crisis. My education was almost affected because of the crisis. Pls let's give peace a chance. Let's be united now like we used to whenever Nigeria plays a football match.

Crises no be moi moi. For whole weeks, we lived in fear in Ajegunle and it's environs. We witnessed the mindless massacre of youths in that crisis.

At the end, over 2000 Ijaws were provided with buses and transport fare to return back to Bayelsa. That community is overgrown with grasses and shrubs today.

Let me not talk of the crisis in Delta State. We are a very religious people. It's time to put our knowledge to work. Talk peace. Preach peace. Be different.

Besides, Ijaws ARENT going to war no matter the outcome of next month's General elections.

If the majority votes against President GEJ, that's democracy for you.

Pls, let's give peace a chance.

April4th:
Abei what are you talking about? The Ijaw Nation has grown wiser by the day. If anybody harms an Ijaw man/woman/child anywhere in Nigeria,be sure there must be a retaliation. Example Ijaw VS Itsekiri crisis in Delta State. I know you're speaking from ur base in Lagos or Abuja,try to visit the creeks,then you'll know the true position of the Ijaw Nation.

I tried selling this point to him, but Barcanista didn't get it. The times have pretty changed, and everyone is wiser. Some few thugs are willing to drag the Ijaw nation into some mess.

We sue for peace. We pray for peace.

Ese faaaaaa! !!!!

barcanista:
Ijaws will definitely retaliate if attacked first. That is a certainty. However, we don't attack people in our land, we go to their land to fight. During the Ajegunle crises in the 90s, Egbesu boys travelled to Lagos to fight before the government intervened. We never attacked any Yoruba in Ijawland. The Ijaws are not Savages, those thugs will attack no one, if they attempt the spirit of Egbesu will depart from them and they will be annihilated (Mark my word). If we are provoked in our own land, then we teach the culprits some lessons. Even when Boro declared Niger Delta Republic he didn't attack anyone on our soil. I assure you that no such attack will happen. Except you don't know Ijaw history

Bro, you're right. We do not have such an atrocious history of attacking our visitors without provocation. I'm well aware and abreast with our history.

As a matter of fact, I lost a few colleagues and friends to the Ijaw/OPC crisis in Lagos in the late 90's. We don't attack our visitors. It's barbaric. It's alien to our culture.

However, my brother, these times present very precarious situation, and you can't entirely beat your chest to the collective sanity of these thugs and ex militants parading themselves and mouthing war songs. Those of us who witnessed crises in Lagos and Delta are working and praying for peace.

I also believe no harm with happen to our visitors, however the outcome of these coming elections.

Let's keep praying for peace.

barcanista:
I don't knw you and I don't gv a fvck about what you think. The Ijaws are not savages, we don't attack strangers, we have no such history of hate. GEJ thug called Asari is an empty blocked head. Just like you!!! As for the North, nothing will happen.

Bro, speak for yourself alone. You may not have the nerve to attack a Northerner. But the same can't be said of these guys up north.

History always repeats itself. These are trying times.

shachris03:
the handwriting is on the wall. But if the I jaws do anything that is not lawful, I promise you that they would be annihilated.

Keep your mouth shut. Besides, we do not such a history of attacking our visitors without provocation.