₦airaland Forum

God in action. There's NO impossibility with Him.

LordReed:
Did you see that I put the curse in quotes? You are too spiricoco jor which is why you came here hoping for some anti-witch fervor.

As I said before I want to trust your sincerity.

You really have to trust my sincerity. You just have to......

LordReed:
What people won't get over is you calling her your house help. I probably would have commended your effort if you had not used the term but as it is I just find it hard to overlook. I want to believe in your sincerity but I know my heart will "curse" you if otherwise.

What should be your attitude someone who has acknowledged their wrong?

Besides, your CURSE would not have had any impacts on me because the curse cannot come that wasnt caused.

Congratulations for this successful wedding occasion. I Pray your marriage be even more successful.

Very beautiful. I pray God blesses and increases my family more than this. Amen.

LordReed:
Nobody is demonising the dein77. He called an 11year old a house help and was expecting some sort of sympathy, maybe thinking the take her for deliverance crew's voice would be loud, I am glad he was disappointed.

Bro, on a serious note, I wasn't disappointed with you guys having your own individual opinion. I was only disappointed with the way you went about with those opinions.

Let's endeavour to look at the bigger picture before punching keys with vigour and high tempo.

damiso:
You are welcome..like Ewuro said get a mature nanny or maid.It does not necessarily have to be a live in person.

Thanks for your comments. They are appreciated.

damiso:
Oga Dein I am not attacking you o but I just need to point out something. I grew up with maids and people living with us. At most point while growing up (ok maybe not after I had finished uni) we always had maid (mostly 16 or over my mum would say she wants a maid not an extra baby) and they were treated like family(you don't have to believe me) so I know what you mean by treating well.We had maids who went on to higher education, some learnt trade from my mum and some were now comfortable enough to even buy aso ebi at my wedding .One even gave me money sef.

I know I tend to idealise or make my dad out as some kind of Saint but that man was the epitome of humanity.I never saw my dad sit in 'owners corner' ever and his staff both in business and domestic were treated as he would treat his children.

Sorry for my long epistle o but you know what despite all this upon reflection (he treated all humans well i realised he would go extra far above and beyond for us his children.Now that is not a bad thing in itself as it's natural human instinct. I am not judging it as well.You can treat your maid well but the truth is the sacrifices you would make in a heartbeat for your children without expecting anything in return will be seen as doing a favour. I am not trying to judge you but really really and deep deep down you know the motive for this thread might not have been the same motive that 11 yr old was your child.


I don't want to repeat all that has been said so far but try to get an older childminder to watch over not just your child but also the girl.Of course my 11 year old daughter (and son sef) will do chores but there is just this unease I have about under 16's watching lil children for long periods.For short periods once in a while is okay but lil children try the patience of Adults not to talk of an 11 yr old.

Thanks, my dear.

My wife sees my payslip almost every month. She's my wife. I have nothing to hide.

Besides, that openness breeds more bond between us. It also limits what she can request from at a given point in time.

However, what works for one home may not work for another. Everybody should analyse their spouse and determine the most peaceful and appropriate style of management.

Seriously, a wife should know her husband's take home.

cococandy:
Stop looking for trouble. That's my point.
If you have issues with anyone take it elsewhere.

All that 'family section women' talk and 'one woman and her followers' talk is not helping the OP. It is just geared towards picking fights with people

Hahahahhahah. Una don meet una match! !!

Me no need una help again. I don handle the matter perfectly. Peace reigns.

njokusboy:

Ehhh. ....Another relentless attacker. ...Very passionate about the welfare of kids...good for her. ...Unfortunately, her energies were misdirected. I treat my maid EXACTLY the way I treat my kids....

njokusboy:
See am, dis one fit dey buy pure water from 5 year Olds for Lagos highway sef

Hahahhahha. ...Hers was one of those extremely emotional bullies.

She would swallow her garbage if she sees the way our maid is treated. ...

njokusboy:
Atleast, you no address my point...

It's not a case of bias, what I saw on this thread was a combination of hypocrisy and myopia... if any one needs to drop bias, it's nairaland family section women, you guys seem to have a king sized chip on ur shoulders... your comments are always along the same lines... I was actually referring to one particular woman and her followers on this thread... Since they think the man is wicked, he should take her back to her parents while they bring in money for her upkeep... It's a simple case of putting your money where your mouth is...
I fit count how many of them address the 0p concern sef

Dem no address my concern at all...... dem just dey impress their followers.

Well, me no need any body's approval when my conscience dey pure for any matter.

These women folks I have met today are very straightforward, brutal with truth, unrelenting in their opinions, and unswerving in their convictions.

All the same, they have helped to keep the thread going. I have already taken what I considered the most appropriate action concerning the matter.....

Thanks sir.

Chillisauce:
No problèm. We are not with your neither do we know what's going on.

Just tell madam she is only doing what a normal kid would do.
I remember one day in the hostel , there was a little fire outbreak, the shout woke me up from sleep. I jumped off from bed and was running to no direction. I just don't know how I found myself in the first floor.

Good thing I didn't even jump down from the building.
What am I trying to say, these things happen. Not witchcraft . Pls look after that kid maybe the next scream from your baby might make her do something dangerous that would cost you and your family.

Thanks dearest. Exactly why I created this thread...

aisha2:
Call me holier than thou I agree but the clear hypocrite here is the poster. Accusing the government of unfairness and illegality while he strongly defends his own illegal actions, tries to explain it away twist and turn words and presents himself as a victim and he will feel he has the moral right to abuse Mr. President when with his own little power he is acting worse. Shame

Aisha2, is there something else you aren't telling us? Even after accepting my share of wrong, you still keep attacking me relentlessly. Why? What else do you want me do? What else?

Besides, I wasn't brought up to insult people, not to talk of the President of Nigeria. I don't insult people.

If my post was created with a selfish desire to portray my daughter as the devil, then it's left for me to suffer the consequences.

But seriously, you're bugging me. Pls leave me ALONE. If the mother of my maid or conscience hasn't criticised me for treating out maid badly, then it's okay by me.

You have no idea the circumstances under which her mother approved of her living with us. There are dozens of cases of child abuse....There are also dozens of proper treatment of maids/kids...


Tie ti kpoju ooo

njokusboy:
I wish I saw this thread earlier, I'd have killed some holier than thou women...

Bro, these folks bullied me today...no be small.

Chillisauce:
OP, pls you didnt tell us the kind of pounding your wife must have descended on her for "suspiciously" standing in the dark while calling out the blood of jesus.

We know how these stories go.
i have no problem if you say you are helping the parent, the problem i have is you giving an 11yr old girl in charge of another baby 24hrs.

11 yr old to tend to another child at night when she needs sleep.
Even me, i know how i sleep walk to kids room most night to tend to their needs not to talk of 11yr old.
Sometimes i dont even know how i find myself in bed sometimes with them.

Make una fear God o

That a lot of child abuse cases are trending in the media doesn't mean there aren't SOME people who treat their kids/ wards very well!

There are such a remnant.

Arsenate:
seriously, oga, bone all these people. you've explained your point. if dem like make dem die on top your matter.
you dey try sha.

Thank you.....

Chillisauce:
OP, pls you didnt tell us the kind of pounding your wife must have descended on her for "suspiciously" standing in the dark while calling out the blood of jesus.

We know how these stories go.
i have no problem if you say you are helping the parent, the problem i have is you giving an 11yr old girl in charge of another baby 24hrs.

11 yr old to tend to another child at night when she needs sleep.
Even me, i know how i sleep walk to kids room most night to tend to their needs not to talk of 11yr old.
Sometimes i dont even know how i find myself in bed sometimes with them.

Make una fear God o

Dear, this matter don already end sef. My wife simply questioned her and went back to bed.

She and my son sleeps on the same bed.....

It will be cruel to treat her any different from our kids.......She was simply sleepwalking.

zeb04:
you are a very patient man....
To think you could pick some lesson from all the negative criticism here is throughly amazing.God bless you.

Dear, thanks for those kind words. The glory belongs to God alone.

Dear, it's very easy to criticise. But to be criticised, hmmmm? I thank God for the lessons.

If I don't treat her like my kids, let the God of Heaven be the Judge.

Thanks for the words, once again.

cococandy:
meaning she got scared and probably over reacted. For her to call you in that sort of urgency, she probably displayed more in the presence of that 11yr old. She may have even question the girl harshly.
I'm not reaching. I know what it means to pick up the phone and call someone who's working night duty in a sense of urgency. Your wife probably freaked out on that poor child.

for some reason this comment reads as though you guys suspect your baby crying to the girl standing in the sitting room alone in the dark. It also means(literally) that since she wasn't attending to your crying baby at the moment she must be aware of why the baby was crying and worst of all showed no empathy.
Your baby was crying from the pain of a full bladder maybe: did she think of that?

Why was you wife sneaking around the house? Her own house? Did she suspect armed robbers to have broken in? That's the only reason I think why one will sneak around their own house unless of course she's suspecting foul play. And she did suspect foul play. It clouded her judgment in a way that she didn't realize sneaking around soundlessly and then bearing on the child suddenly and turning on the lights would shock the little girl especially if she was still in a state of sleep. It was the same paranoia that led her to start calling you frantically and whipping up your own fears. I'm a woman. I don't have a child but I know women tend to be over protective of their babies. Nothing wrong with that as long as the child of the next person around you doesn't suffer for it.


And this here is the crux of the matter. You needed assistance and you sought it in an 11yr old. She's not there primarily because you saw her in need and took her in to assist her. You took her in to assist you. Simple as ABC
And it is wrong as feck. Don't try to sugar coat it.
She's in your employ. And her school fee is payment for assisting you in the house.


Yea your kids are important to you as they should be. I hope you realize this one is important to her parents too.(or maybe she's not. I blame them for lending a small child like her out)

If you think your househelp poses some sort of danger to your kids as you've stated here in your 'their safety must be ensured at all times' line, then send her back to her parents. If you think there is some form of danger in having her around,doesn't that negate the 'patience is my daughter too' line that you just remembered now to save face?

What should you do to her? Send her to mountain on fire for deliverance. There I've said what you wanted to hear when you created this thread .

I hope you don't see yourself as a victim because of the harsh criticism on this thread. And pls help dissuade your wife of her mindset that is causing all this wahala at the moment.

God bless you.

Noted. God bless you too.

BABE3:
what kind of help does she render? Wash dishes? Cook? Clean? Pound yam?
If the work she does are things a typical 11 year old would do, then disregard the idealistic opinions, and do you.

Whatever you call her is irrelevant, so far you treat her like you'll treat your child.

Another sensible post. I still have faith in humanity.

aisha2:
Oga, I don't have any esteem issues. What is wrong is wrong no amount of sugar coating or word adjustment can change that. You can have her in a good school while she is staying with her parents if you really want ro help.
Bill Gates has over 200000 African children in good schools yet they don't stay in his house and work for him and this is someone who says he doesn't believe in God how much more we who are supposed to be the light of the earth only helping because we want something in return.

Legally it is wrong.

I am passionate because every child deserves a childhood, every child deserves to go through childhood issues in peace and love guided by parents.every child should have the right to do childlike things without it being misinterpreted as witchcraft. We as Christains salt of the earth, light of the world need not take advantage of the kids whose parents have challenges.

Last Christmas, me and a few Nairalanders gathered our widows might here and gave some small things to single mothers to help out their babies, none of us asked for anything in return, we could have asked instead for their kids to come so we can " help" and make them work for the " help", that wouldn't be true religion. Giving and helping those in need is lending to God, God gave us what we have so we can share with others and not so we can take advantage of others in tight situations. The kids are not to be blamed if their parents failed to plan na.

Long and short, get an adult to help you out, work your schedule so you can help your wife and will require limited help from a maid. Get an adult maid, sign a contract and give human working hours. Being a maid is a job like any other, its a job like mine, let there be opening and closing hours

A maid is a maid, a profession one should be proud of, a profession an adult goes into and should be proud that she is working honestly to put food on the table. It doesn't need to be undignified, a maid is an employee and not a sister, daughter or any of the colouration. I am not my bosses daughter or sister, my maid is not my sister, she works and proudly earns her pay, if I violate terms of our contract she can challenge me and vice versa

I'm not Bill Gates; I do the little I can, where I am, and in the way I can....

My maid's mother sees me as someone that's really helpful for both her daughter and herself. Una just dey talk here.

This matter has been successfully handled. My maid is happy.

Both Kudos to Aisha2 for your passion against child labour and other child right abuses. Unfortunately, you're talking to the wrong person as far as child treatment is concerned.

pickabeau1:
dein77

Of course. What's the need for a maid if my wife isn't working?

LordReed:
I also perceive dein77 was hoping for cries of "witchery", expel the witch, etc. In as much as I want to applaud him for his stating he treats her as a ward I can't help but be disgusted by his calling her his house help. It shows how he truly regards her.

U guys are simply impossible. Just impossible. The human mind!!!

For all intents and purposes, I'm grateful for all your comments concerning this matter. This matter is considered dead in my mind. I didn't even raise it when I got home this morning. Following popular comments, I want to believe she was sleepwalking, and whatever that happened was just a mere coincidence. Nothing more.

However, I also have learned some lessons from this thread today. Brutal lessons. One is that, especially on a faceless forum as this, most people form opinions about us solely on our WORDS. Once we type them, they are gone out, and no amount of modifications can alter the initial opinions held my audience.

Another is the fact that most people enjoy selfish criticism than asking for more details from a poster so as to make informed decisions. That's life. Despite all the efforts I made to clarify my position, most people still continued the bashing.....probably it concealed their own esteem issues...people are deeply complex. Aisha2 mouth na fire......

Kudos to those who, while making their observations, we're still able to see my point of view. Thanks for all the objective ones. Una do well.

Also, I learned even ladies do BULLY guys. I was literally bullied, insulted and disrespected today mostly my ladies. ..well, they are a more detailed folks. .Una get mouth ehhh! !

Lastly, I discovered nothing can be more painful and frustrating than having one's words totally MISCONSTRUED, and then a wrong conclusion drawn. I promise to be more empathic with others in my life henceforth.

Real matter: With every fibre in me, I hate and condemn CHILD LABOUR. It's a breach of child rights. But our ward's case ( using the more dignify in word) isn't child labour. She's doesn't receive any PAY, neither do our parents. She attends one of the best schools in my area in PH; eats exactly what we all eat; goes to bed we all do; enjoys all the rights and privileges our kids do enjoy. We intend she grows up with us, and finish our University education from our home. Patience is a daughter to us. Her mum comes visiting almost every month. .....

I think a ward attending a school worth 45K every term is pretty well treated.

So, I really mean well for her. I watch and read news about Child labour. And I give my soprano voice against it.....

With these few lines of mine, I should be able to convince the nobles and open-minded that our daughter ISNT a househelp in the sense we all think.

Shalom, and God bless you all.......Kudos to my RCCG folks. Don't give up the fast; get the lamp burning; let love reign.

janvier27:
But she did explain what she was doing there. Standing still may have just been out of shock, moreso the baby was crying then and madam expected her to be with the baby. Madam's fear is understandable though, & I imagine your not taking it lightly is cos of the way it was presented to you. I think you should just be patient & continue to watch closely.

Thanks dear. As parents it's not unusual to occasionally have your kids scream at night. She's a very good daughter to us. Our only concern was why she wasn't in bed at that hour. Our son and her sleeps in the same room; on the same bed.

LordReed:
What a funny guy. Your own kids are important to you but someone else's 11year old is not. I wish you and your wife would be arrested for child abuse.

I wish you went through my other posts before making this hasty one of tours.

deor03:
Restitution is not too late. Let your conscience be your judge.

From the words you used, "shalom", "brethren" etc, I know you belong to the "born again" group

If this child is a "witch" based on your prognosis, I am sure you will send her packing, like you agreed with someone earlier in the thread.

If you need help, get and pay the Adult

Let this child stay with you, like you REAL daughter, send her to school without pre conditions

Take her on vacation with you to UK,US, Dubai, just like you will for your child

Protect her like you , came out guns blazing , to protect your son

In your inner mind you don't consider her as your child, she is just a maid/helper who is supposed to be worried that a todler is crying at night.

She is being psycologically and emotionally raped right now, only that Yerima add physically to his own

I am not a "born again" oh or deeply religious, but I will NOT do what you are doing today. It is pure slavery to me .

That is why, when people come to preach to me, and i look at their personal lives, I prefer to remain the way I am today.

Thanks. Nothing to add. Nice words. At least, you've shown some empathy.

She IS NOT my househelp in the sense of the word.

Fkforyou:
Why is everyone being judgemental? The OP came to seek advice here but instead everyone is judging him base on their own experience,if he was indeed wicked he won't try to get other peoples opinion,in fact he would go straight and act as he wishes, for him to try and seek other peoples opinion shows he is very rational and he is trying his best not to be unjust towards anyone esp.the maid.
That the world is filled with wicked people doesn't mean everybody is wicked.

Thanks for those kind words. Indeed, humans are a very complex animals.

You seem amongst the very few who looked beyond my WORDS and try to understand my personality. With those words of yours, I'll still continue with this forum. I hate being bullied.

How many of them can dole out N450000 as school fees for their maids every 90 days?

They have no idea.

Thanks, Bro, and God bless you.

deor03:
Don't you know that the fact that you agreed that you "PAY" for the services is enough to jail you?

I am appalled, there's nothing fancy about what you are doing, other than SLAVERY.

It's even amazing that, you are trying to find a reason to justify your actions.

She's not being paid at all. That's child labour. Bro, we all condemn child labour.
There's nothing to add any longer. Your opinion is respected shaaaa

patrickdarlins:
i don laff fall comot from my dinning chair were i take dey eat.....lmaooooooo....


dem con carry am for head like govt work oo...

though u used the wrong word MAID...but any ways...let the sleeping dog lie!!!

hope u learnt ur lesson today from nairalanders.....i just cant help but still laughs uncontrollably...

Yeah. I have learned my lesson. It's a black day. A black Tuesday. These girls are so relentless, fierce and brutal in their arguments.