₦airaland Forum

you might want to reword the thread.

Bad idea to involve the sister. It wasn't her choice for them to date. There should be a limit to her involvement.
If the two are not mature to date and handle their probs/issues btw them, they should not date.

What happens when things don't work? The poor sister will be forced to take sides esp as the two are immature already as it is.

^^^^ IQ and intelligence are not the same in all humans.

OP
that`s too much apology IMO and reeks of desperation. Cool down and let him miss you. If he wants you back, you have done enough to make him come back. If he doesn`t he doesn`t want you. And it really has nothing to do with what you told him.

Fact is, if he really cares about you, he would have included you in his life. In his time of stress, he will run to you and not away from you. Gerrit?

Whether it is bad, healthy or unhealthy depends on the relationship between you two.
If he is a close friend, or your bf etc, then its okay to help out if you need the help. If you don`t, refuse.
If he is an admirer, or some dude wanting to get some, its bad and unhealthy.

Wait till he sees you calling other guys with the top up. Then you will see fire from a overly jealous MUGU.
The guy is really an amateur, and still of the belief that women are angels, or he owns you by spending on you.

However, if you are in a relationship with him, and he is only trying to help out since you have a problem with maintaining your phone bill, then its ok.

Hit the gym and do some strength training. It should make you grow bigger muscles, and look bigger.

No trust, no relationship.
You plan building a relationship without trust? Goodluck when you have a stroke cos your woman has gone to the supermarket.

super story.

Take the offer.

Sh1t happens.

The guy must be a total arsehole or the woman must be really crappy that he couldn't wait to leave. Maybe she turned white since getting to UK or smth and the guy couldn't keep up anymore.

There's always two side to a story.

pak:
From your tone, Am certain you aint married
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel

I missed your last part.
To answer your question, no I'm not married. I'm in a serious committed relationship. Been in one for almost three years. Is there anything else you would like to know?

pak:
Thanks for the apologies, no offense taken.



back to the issue

We are not talking in absolute terms here, or in extremes
as in you cant marry or even go out with someone you find 'repulsive' (unless you are forced to)

but the reality is that relationships are dynamic and at some point one part tends to express more love than the other.
No relationship starts by both parties being totally in love with each other.

So its more of: if its going to tilt to one side, which side should it rather fall on.




From your tone, Am certain you aint married  
Also wondering if you've ever been in a serious rel

If we both love each other, I don't care much for who loves each other more. Remember, we cant tell who really loves us, we can only tell those we really love. People can act and pretend for a long time.
You know that it is who loves more that finds more fulfilment in the relationship. Maybe more pain if when the relationship ends. The pain is worth the fulfilment. You get to really value and appreciate the relationship. Appreciate the little things too. You are happier too cos you have who you really want. No pain no gain as they say.

The other person feels less happy, and less fulfilment. Less pain sometimes too. Funny thing is they end up lovin much more later.

I want to live life, and enjoy it to the fullness. So I don't mind being the person who loves more.

Outstrip:
The ideal is that you both love each other. In reality I would say love a man that loves you more than you love him LOL

Of course you would say that as a lady. I believe its out of selfishness knowing the man in more into it than you are thereby giving you advantage in the power play.

obowunmi:
@ OP: this should be true for the woman only. A woman should marry a man that loves her more.

Love knows no gender. What would you expect the woman to do if she then falls in love with another man? Cheat? Stay in an unfulfilling relationship or marriage?

Phate07:
Its better to marry the whom you love. And then make him/her love you back.

You can't make people love you. Attraction is not a choice. If this person knew you already and are not in love with you, they probably will not love you more than they already do. Yes they can get used or attached to you eventually but love, perhaps no.

WHat will you do if the person does not end up falling in love with you as planned? Wouldn't that just be miserable?

pak:
Am quite disapointed with your last statement.

I had an impression of maturity going through your previous posts but this one falls short.

As you said its okay for ppl to have differences in opinion but to call others 'abnormal' just because they dont see things exactly the way you see it, is just gross.


And come to think of it , nobody has actually labeled your opinion as wrong

hey that was meant as a joke but if you take it too seriously, I apologise for that.
However to clarify, I find it quite abnormal that anyone would even consider being in a one sided love relationship.

Theblessed:
[b][size=16pt]Neither!!!  Boyyyy, for me to be in it, it's got to be equalized!

It has to be reciprocated - for it to be sweet, romantic, lasting and endearing! I can't have it any other way! Rather lonely, than in a relationship where I give 110% love and receive less or nothing at all!

To me, love and romance is the key!  It has to be whole or nothing! And, why would anyone tolerate a one sided love?  After all, God did not intend us to be slaves to love, did he And, if he did, why did he say "Love your neighbour as yourself', eh? So, don't be a slave to love!

Romantically loving someone who does not give a sh-t about you is mental and, unhealthy as it can cause emotional pain and psychological difficulties/complex for you, in the long run.  Besides, it is not natural to give, give and give without rewards!

Even our Lord Jesus received a gift of love and kindness when a woman in Bethany, anointed his head with an expensive perfume, abi? (Mark Chpt.14 v. 3 - 9)

As you can see, everyone needs love! Think! [/size][/b]

just when I was beginning to think no one is normal here

Its possible where a lady is very perceptive. Other times, its just a lady that is suspicious and paranoid.

MRbrownJAY:
wait a minute!!!!!!!
so you had only enough money for 1 ticket and decided that SHE should take it and go?! and then, as she is leaving, she is telling you to go on dates with other women?!BWAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

at least, when she comes back and tell you that SHE went on dates with guys in Chicago, you will have nothing to complain about, lol!

MBJ you said it all!

Mugu could only afford one ticket and gave it to her SMH. They should either have gone together or stay back together. Better still, he goes alone if he wants a vacation.

The girl is giving herself freedom to do all she wants and Mr mugu is asking NLers what to do

OP
I know your problem. You have mouth odor. Of course don't lets forget the bad grammar.

The past is not as important as the present and the future. If you can move on on her past,and she is a much better person now, why not?
We all have pasts we are ashamed of.

I would rather be with a lady who has slept more than her age, but in the future will sleep with only me, rather than a virgin who will sleep with everyone while being with me.

Girl, stop all that trying to get him jealous moves you try by telling him about all your other suitors. If you want to know if he has marriage plans, sit down and have a serious talk with him. Ask him what his plans for the future are, and where you fit in. If you are not satisfied with where you fit in, then walk away. But remember, the dude may not be ready for marriage yet. And when he is ready, you might not be together anymore.

Walk away only if he is not ready to consider marriage with you, and not because he doesn't want to consider marriage. What if he is not the type of person who believes in marriage but would like to have a life partner. What are your deal breakers?

pak:
@Deniyor
though I understand what u r saying but i dont agree with it.
In an ideal world both parties will love each other equally but the earth aint a perfect sphere.

So the issue is if you had to make do with either of the two situations in the poser ? what will be the best option ?

Of course this is a public forum where we are free to disagree with each other
Yeah it can be possible for two people not to love themselves equally. The ability to love and extent has to do with personalities and beliefs sometimes. But I still maintain my ground. If the only one person loves the other person, its a no go area. I do not mean one person loves more than the other.

Love is used in the sense that, that is the one person in the world you love and want to be with. No one else comes even close. The one you want to spend the rest of your life with (in an ideal situtation). Now if the other person will rather choose someone else to spend their life with but can't cos the other person is not interested, this is not a fair situation.

Why will I choose to spend my life with anyone who is not my No.1. Why would I be a back up option for anyone? I value myself to do any of the two.

I will choose none of them. The person who is without the love will always be the one frustrated in the relationship. Eventually, the one in love will be frustrated too after all efforts he/she makes are not appreciated or returned.

If there is no love from both ends, forget it. I'd rather stay single.

For starters, try dating someone you love who doesn't love you back. Then try dating someone who loves you but you don't love. Lets assume both in the case are really good men/women.

See if it works.

I expect in both cases, it will not work. Relationship is a lot of stress, and the love of both people involved is what gives them the motivation to iron out their issues sometimes.

I disagree. There really isn't any difference btw marrying someone who loves you vs marrying someone you love. They are both the same thing except the shoe is on the other leg. Its just a case of who has the advantage or control in the relationship, the person without the love.


If you marry someone who you love, and doesn't love you back, at some point in the future, the person will meet someone he/she loves and leave you for that person. In the same way, if you marry someone who loves you ,and you don't love, when you meet someone who loves you, it might take time, but you will eventually leave for the one you love.

You might stay for as long as you like, but you start to resent your partner. You start to find faults with everything he /she does. You start comparing what each person does for you and how you made the biggest mistake of your life marrying your partner. Eventually you will convince yourself that it is not too late to make amends and go for who you love.



You have to marry someone who has the passion and love for you, just as you have the passion and love for the person back.