₦airaland Forum

deols: I can cook though..and he was not deceiving me.

I know of a family. The husband does not allow his wife to do anything in the house. He wants her to look clean all the time. and he employed people to do these things for the family.


You all need to stop talking like all men are like you.

@ bolded walahi the husband fall my hand!Very soon the wife will ask to be excused from bed duties. I just don't know why some men think that treating their wife like a trophy is the way to go.

My wife must cook my meals baring any unforeseen circumstances. Nobody else will take charge of my meals. It is one of the reasons I married her in the first place. Maybe, the husband may soon hire other people to perform bed duties when the wife is tired. I just dont understand some men. I think some men needs sex change operation ASAP!

mink505: you close your mouth.
you don't know what abuse is so go and sit down.
if a man almost beat a pregnancy out of you, you will not feel any emotional pain abi? if you you were beaten to the verge of passing out or vomiting , you will not feel any emotional pain? or r.aped. or had acid poured on your head. what about burned or stabbed with a knife esp by those you love or care about. abeg jor.
anybody that inflict such kind of physical pain clearly wants to hurt you both physically AND emotionally.

only verbal abuse involves emotion in your own little silly mind.
many soldiers in the USA have to go through counseling. there is no verbal exchange in wars. mostly physical and the trauma is CLEAR.
in ur silly head, physically abused people don't need counseling. tons of physically abused people go through counseling. especially in developed countries. like I said, there is option of walking away or retorting with verbal abuse. unless you are physically restrained or threatened.

physical abuse involves emotion. If I fall on the ground and hit my head, it's not the same as having someone slap me across the face.
maybe because I live in USA, I will rather have my parent yell at me than hit me. I can yell back at them so it's not a big deal.
I can leave the room or yell back at them. simple. physical abuse is different if the person attacking you is bigger than you or has more strength and you are powerless to defend yourself. biko.

if your parents are calling you good for nothing and you find it to be worse than physical abuse, then clearly you are more afraid of physical abuse if you don't yell back at them or call them names in return. LOL I yell back at my parents because I live in the USA and they can't hit me. it is against the law. i will rather take verbal abuse because I can go to my room and walk away or like I said, yell back. I have the same mouth afterall. as long as the don't touch me physically.

My dear effects of verbal abuse can be quite terrible too! Just like you claimed you don't mind verbal abuse as long as no body lays hands on you. so also for another fella they prefer physical abuse to verbal. Verbal abuse is a recognized form of abuse because it has very negative effects on victims and sometimes the effects are more difficult to heal.

coogar: and what do you think police would do to the evidence. women are seen to be nurturers. if she has children, she would be extremely unlucky to get a custodial sentence & she cannot be kicked out of the house - so the work she gets is a slap on the wrist(a fine or a community service).

That is why a law protecting verbal abuse victims should be made. The psychotherapist report and or testimony should accompany the testimony of the abused victim to make a strong case just like a medical report strengthens the case of a physical abuse victim.

bukatyne: I have not said verbal abuse does not occur; I am saying that it should be properly defined.

According to you, what is verbal abuse?

@ bolded Since you agree that it exists ...kindly give us your own instances where you believe it occurred. What is your own definition of verbal abuse?

bukatyne: Give instances of verbal abuse

Give instances of physical abuse.....

bukatyne: I have not said verbal abuse does not occur; I am saying that it should be properly defined.

According to you, what is verbal abuse?

Admitting that it exists and it is damaging is a good start.
Now the generally accepted definition is: negative defining statement told to the victim or about the victim, or by withholding any response, thereby defining the target as non-existent. This is a definition from Wikipedia.

If we work with this definition, then it is possible to quantify it when the victim provides witnesses, audio or video evidence to support his/her claims. The judge using her discretion can determine whether the victims allegations qualifies as verbal abuse and then rule accordingly.

Nashville: The first problem most abused men face is that they can't even come out to say it publicly. They will be laughed at, called wimps, sissies etc. But its a very serious problem. Lots of men have lost their self esteem due to abuse.

But it is alot more difficult to prove verbal abuse and that's the truth. When does it become abuse? A couple will say they were having an argument, so when do these words become abusive? People insult each other everyday, on the streets, markets, office, does that also constitute abuse too? Its a bit tricky and the lines will be very grey!

Yes agreed it is very tricky. But how do judges quantify cases of abandonment or emotional distress?
@ bolded, the abused victim can discreetly record the abuse or produce witnesses to prove his/her point.

bukatyne: And so is fighting physical abuse

I guess a woman yelling on her husband because she caught him cheating is also abusing him verbally.

Oga, before you can succeed in fighting for a cause, you must truthfully define it.

I have been lazy to open a thread on the conduct of some ladies.

We were all rushing for bus after the close of business and one woman just stood at the entrance. The guy behind her was pushing her and she started screaming, insulting the guy and threatening to beat him up. The guy initially was engaging her but everyone (almost) shouted him down with 'don't you know she is a woman, old enough to be your mother' etc. so he kept mute.

This woman kept one pushing him head, saying it was because he had pr*ck that was why he was threatening her and ranted till she got down.

I was pissed and told the person beside me that ' the guy thinks he has the right to beat anyone and th woman thinks sshe has the right to insult anyone'

My point: let's state things as they are.

My dear this things are clear. That you may not clearly define it does not prove it does not exist. Some people physically shove or push their partners in anger. So if their partner does not bleed or have skin lacerations, it does not qualify as physical abuse? Some slap their partners without any physical sign of the backhand on their faces. So because we do not see the finger marks on the face of the abused victim renders the abuse null and void? It is possible to provide evidence of alleged verbal abuse in court.
Just like some one pointed out, video recordings or audio recordings or even witnesses should also testify in such cases and let the judge make her ruling. The aim is to keep the home front civil.

Simple, all forms of abuse should carry equal penalty. So if you are in a relationship, you will be very careful about how you relate with your spouse, treat him/ her with a high level of decency in your interaction or risk jail terms. It is a fact that verbal abuse precedes physical abuse most times . Which means that if the verbal abuse was checked on time, probably, the situation will not degenerate to a physical one.

bukatyne: We have to define verbal abuse first.

Most people confuse yelling in self defense with verbal abuse. Verbal abuse is using provocative and demeaning words on someone without provocation.

If I see my hubby or wife and start lashing without cause and I know they can't react/respond, then we are talking.

Most people who abuse physically start verbally; before hitting someone in anger, you will have sqid some words to hurt.

Physical is worse than verbal but emotional is the worst.

P.S.: I don't think an abused person can retaliate

@ bolded, yelling is a form of verbal abuse too!

ileobatojo: Really? So a verbally abusive woman should suffer the same penalty as Mr Arowolo for instance?

Yes!

Nashville: Dinachi, I know why you started the thread but it is a good one all the same.

Any form of abuse is bad and should be frowned at. In fact most verbal abusers are also physical abusers (if my grammer is right), unless in the case of self defence and I will explain. Most times, they go hand in hand.

Most men that beat their wives usually start by insulting her, calling her all sorts of terrible names and making her feel worthless. They now top it up with physical abuse.

On the other hand, lots of women verbally abuse their husbands too but they end it there because they perceive they cannot physically abuse their husbands. If they could, they would and some daring women even slap their husbands these days.

Now comes the case of self defence which I know is where you are going. Some women verbally abuse their husbands to the extent that the only way the men can defend themselves is by physically abusing their wives. The truth is that neither is justified in the case. Both parties are wrong and that is the truth.

On why there is more emphasis on physical abuse, it is very obvious. The first reason is that it is very easier to prove. It is easier to prove that someone with a swollen eye or broken/ bleeding nose is a victim of abuse than someone who claims he/she feels terrible because of what his/her spouse says to him/her.

Without a doubt, one is alot more dangerous and potentially deadly than the other. Physical abuse can cause immediate death/broken ribs while I know verbal abuse can cause alot of anger, emotion, resentment, it cannot immediately kill you and it would be very difficult to link it to death.

However, I agree that all parties should be equally protected in marriage.

@ bolded we need to also protect men who are verbally abused. A lot of men are in serious mental confusion and are suffering all manner of preventable diseases due to verbal abuse from their spouses. I think the law should also protect such men.

Verbal abuse can also be very damaging, depending on the victim. All forms of abuse should carry equal penalty to deter would be offenders. Abuse is abuse whether verbal or physical. Both can cut a life very short.

Kanwulia: They are equally BAD!
They both leave SCARS THAT NEVER HEAL!!!

Wow I made the mistake of looking at your profile. You are absolutely gorgeous! I refuse to be tempted!

Back to topic. I believe both forms of abuse should be given equal attention to discourage perpetrators

The man is a murderer regardless of the Cheating and the woman if she cheated is a cheater regardless of her murder. Evil is evil!

I have had to clearly and irrefutably condemn in strongest terms any form of abuse, either verbal or physical but for the benefit of those who are not aware, let me make it clear in strongest term that I hate and abhor any kind of abuse and will never support any perpetrator of such.
However, it has become very clear that the family unit needs to tackle this ugly trend of abuses and therefore the need for this post.
PHYSICAL ABUSE: when a spouse physically assaults his/her partner and causes bodily harm to him/ her.
VERBAL ABUSE: when a spouse curses, insults and or uses hurtful words on his/her partner to inflict emotional harm.

In many countries, the emphasis is largely on physical abuse with scant regard for verbal abuse victims, however statistics have shown that victims of verbal abuse suffer in various ways and some become suicidal with time.

There is also a wide gender gap between the two. Women are mostly victims of physical abuse, while men are mostly victims of verbal abuse. My question is why are victims of verbal abuse not equally treated with the sympathy given to victims of physical abuse? Why is there no specified jail term for verbal abusers?

I believe in the quest to strike a fair balance and drive any form of abuse from our homes, both types of abuses should receive equal attention. Both genders should be adequately protected.

MY TWO CENTS.

pickabeau1: Dinachi..!


You are a character

How far with the ese W .. Any news

As far as I am concerned Ese Walters and Kemi Olunloyo belong to the same league! Just like Pastor Fato and Bishop Oyedepo ignores them so also do i.

My type of man! The husband has balls. All the sissy men here will of course not support it and eventually be drowned by their idiocy. A woman who shouts at the top of her voice at the slightest provocation is a beast. That is verbal abuse. I am not surprised some moronic women here are in support as usual. To them anything done by a woman is correct. The husband should bear it and train her! They forget men and women are equal! If the woman is damaged goods, the man did right by sending her back to undergo turn around maintenance!

amazing2013: Dino Melaiye, is this you?

Kemi Olunloyo is that you?

Aphrodite4: Evidence? In a situation like this the testimony of even one of the children n neighbors should be enough to convict but if you read my post (ASSUMING YOU ARE NOT A CHILD), you would have seen that I said Nigeria has no actual law against domestic violence offenders and I went on to say that the woman in question isn't looking to put the man in jail BECAUSE SHE CAN'T so her best option was divorce and she is in prime position to get it seeing as she is the applicant and not just wife but mother and she has ample reason considering the man's absence (seeing that he's an 'active' activist and the domestic violence allegations.

Nobody is denying that she will get a divorce if she proves they have irreconcilable differences. My take is simple: Before we crucify Dino lets see the evidence of battery or hear other witnesses or hear his own testimony. It only shows that one is being fair. The accuser bears the burden of proof. Besides, I know that some women batter their husbands too! Violence has no gender.

martha: Why are pple so wicked?

It is not people. The proper question is why are women this wicked?

Sweetlemon: Life has taught me not to conclude and judge situations unless you have live first hand experience of them.

None of us here know what the real truth of the matter is. None of us here can vouch anything we can only make speculations based on the belief that "men are bad" we don't know what really goes down there and why.

So let me not talk. I don't put my mouth in marital wahalas because marriage is something you need to go into first before you understand certain things. People should be left in their own marital problems and don't comment unless you have ALL the facts.

The best comment yet from the ladies! My dear you have a solid head over your your shoulders!

Aphrodite4: Arguments n quarrels r family matters. Domestic violence IS A CRIME and should see the man doing jail time. It's a pity tht Nigeria doesn't have any laws that punish domestic violence offenders..
The lady did the right thing to protect herself and her children by applying for divorce. Itz up to the judge to see it this way n approve the divorce.

My friend, where is the evidence of domestic violence? Which kind of judgement is carried out without the accused defending himself? where are the witnesses? where is the photo evidence? where is Dino's own testimony?

Please lets show by our posts that we are not children!

I will not castigate Dino until I hear his own side of the story...knowing how funny women can be sometimes! Those days we believed everything a woman says are long gone. Nowadays women lie, cheat and even assault as much as their male counterparts.Let me not catch any silly man coming here to throw accusations on Dino without hearing his own side of the story. We don't need such sissy men here, be warned!

As for some women here who have already jumped into the fray without waiting for a balancing account from Dino....you are just true to your type......simpletons!

It is official, the retardeen is a goner !

It was a test alright but not the kind you think. She TESTED positive for pregnancy for another guy who has been enjoying her for free by the side! Now let me be straight with you. YOUR SUPPOSED GIRLFRIEND WAS /IS CHEATING ON YOU AND YOU JUST FELL FOR HER TRICKS!
Women test men with other women not with the way your girl(i suppose) went about it.
This is most likely what happened.
She got pregnant all right for another guy she was confused because she saw you as a dependable person but she of course loved the other guy more. She only had to start running back to you to when she found out you belonged to the DUMB LOVERS ASSOCIATION OF NIGERIA! Your supposed girlfriend just got an abortion and who says she is not lucky, at least she is now sure she can cheat on you without endangering your love.
@ OP, it is not rocket science, you have been scammed!

More and more people are realizing their mistake in living that depraved life and changing their ways. Only now the tables are turned and their former homosexual pals now send them hate messages! BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES!

beryl04: ^^^ u lot don't ever give up Kwa? I tire for una Africans oo!whoever told u u can change a homosexual person by all this your 12th century epistle.u people are having d jokes on yourselves as ur ignorance stinks to high heavens.its hi-time u guys wake up and smell the coffee ,this is 2013 not d medieval times.what da fuq is wrong with nigerians?smh

There are clear irrefutable evidence that many people successfully changed their homosexual lifestyle . Even the former president of American Psychological Association (APA) Nicholas Cummings says that he knows of hundreds of homosexuals who successfully changed after treatment by him! See the link here http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/former-apa-president-i-know-of-hundreds-of-homosexuals-who-changed-their-or. So those of you that claim you were born with it and cannot change are very wrong! That is what makes most of you homosexuals mad: the proof that your life style is CHANGEABLE. You are a lost bunch!
I will show you other links of those who successfully rejected the depraved lifestyle and in each scenario, homosexual bigots like you refused to believe their change and send them hate messages! See here http://m.christianpost.com/news/former-gay-activist-marries-woman-addresses-critics-who-condemn-his-new-heterosexual-lifestyle--110736/cpf
So mr homosexual change your ways their is no excuse before the lord.

Everywhere you go online you hear Homosexuals preach false message of love and tolerance ostensibly to lead people astray. Well, their Nyash don open as we say in Nigeria. A former practicing Homosexual and editor of a youth based homosexual Magazine the XY Magazine has been on the receiving end of heinous hate messages coming from the world renowned "apostles" of love and tolerance: his former homosexual pals. Michael Glatze who dumped the depraved lifestyle in 2007 and recently got married advised his former pals to send their message elsewhere as he has see the truth! See story here http://m.christianpost.com/news/former-gay-activist-marries-woman-addresses-critics-who-condemn-his-new-heterosexual-lifestyle--110736/cpf

Ujujoan: Quick question . . . when she bad mouths her husband to you, what's your own response

The way I see it, if you are really averse to her actions, you must have taken steps to stop them by now.

A married woman openly flirts with you, promises to carry your child secretly and bad mouths her own husband, and you still 'secretly' send her cash . . . you sef no dey try!

After a mere 4 months, she jumped into marriage with a jobless man out of her own desperation, and you think you can redeem such a loser?

Honestly, you are not coming out of this smelling so clean to me . . . you have a hidden agenda yourself . . to humilite the husband even more maybe

Please do the right things and talk to this woman. Tell her what a disgrace she is to human beings . . . threathen to report her to her hubby if she doesn't back off . . . .Trust me, she'll leave you alone.

If you continue 'helping' and smiling at her absurd suggestions to have your baby, you are causing more problems for yourself!

Finally, a woman who has balls! Couldn't agree more. The woman started with bad mouthing the man and when she noticed OP was enjoying it, she now offers punny services. OP pays cash!

beryl04: Gods words- judge not so u'll not be judged.
-the battle is d Lord's- so why are u disturbing yourself and and trying to act God by lynching and maiming homosexuals?
-my ways are higher than ur ways- don't you think there's a reason why he created homosexuals cos His ways cannot be fathomed by mere earthlings like u?
God even said that those that think they're wise will be confounded at their own foolishness.
Bottomline-stop playing God by your holier than thou attitude towards gays cos u can never search and understand the mind and the workings of God.just serve Him d best way u know and had been taught. He works in mysterious ways, remember! .save yourself first,run your own race and stop being the pharisees and the saducees of our time.

Not again! You? gay man? talking about divine judgement? My dear you are judged already!
Gods word is very clear. You don not have the right to judge but you have the right to correct . It says correct a brother who is taken with sin.
It is the word of God that judges. When we quote scriptures condemning homosexuality, we are not judging you, the word is judging you!
Jesus set the woman caught in adultery free but with a very clear warning " Go and Sin no More" That message is very apt to all the homosexuals in the house. The time has come to stop passing the buck. Take the bull by the horn and stop this insanity! Love does not mean condoning sin. Someone who truly loves you will correct you when you are wrong!

Any wife worth her salt will always submit to her husband's leadership.Being in subjection sounds like slavery though. I don't have any iota of respect for women who cannot submit under their husbands leadership. Generally, my advice is if you can't submit to a husband, then don't marry so as to save yourself the headache of a divorce MARRIAGE for any person should be a well thought through project. Don't get involved if you can't keep to its terms.