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Dins4real's Posts

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Politics / Re: "Remote Control": Buhari Reveals How APC Won Osun Election by dins4real(m): 6:35pm On Jan 28
jieta:
I pity osun people.
And Nigeria
Politics / Re: Nigeria Does Not Need Strong Leaders, But Competent Ones – Prof Attahiru Jega by dins4real(m): 4:34pm On Aug 28, 2018
12Ebisco:
A former chairman of the Independent National Electoral Commission, Prof Attahiru Jega, has mentioned that Nigeria needs competent leaders and not necessarily strong leaders.

According to Jega, an incompetent leader who is strong will end up destroying institutions.

The former INEC boss said this at the 58th Annual General Conference of the Nigerian Bar Association in Abuja on Monday, The Punch reports.

He said:

“What we require most are the competence and capacity of leaders to take decisions and be assertive in ensuring that those decisions are actually implemented. So, we have to be very careful in thinking that a strong leader can really help.

“Just like a weak leader can wreck an institution, a strong leader, who has just that power and courage, but lacks the capacity, ability and competence to lead, can also wreck strong institutions.

“Competence of leadership is a very important variable in bringing about the stable political transition, good governance and deepening of democracy.”

The former INEC boss, who superintended the 2011 and 2015 general elections, said politicians must stop treating elections as a do-or-die affair.

He recalled that a former President once said elections must be do-or-die, an incident he described as most unfortunate.

Jega also said there was a need for agencies of government to shun partisanship as this weakened institutions and eroded public confidence.

He added:

“We must emphasise professionalism, impartiality and non-partisanship. This is because quite too often, you have good and strong institutions, but once partisanship is introduced and partiality become the norm, as many public institutions in this country, then those institutions would not be able to deliver effectively on their mandates.”

The former INEC chairman said there was a need for law enforcement agencies and the judiciary to be alive to their responsibilities, adding that the integrity of the electoral process must be preserved and protected.

Jega added:

“From my experience, I am convinced that electoral integrity is key to stable political transition and to ensuring that there is a framework for good governance and societal development. Electoral integrity is not just about the integrity of the election management body. It is also the integrity with which the key stakeholders engage with the electoral process.”

In his remarks, a former Head of State, Gen. Abdulsalami Abubakar, lamented that elections in Africa are always characterised by violence.

He said even the recently concluded NBA election was not without its own controversies.

“The genesis of Africa’s political problems is the action of sit-tight leaders who do all they can to amend the constitutions in order to perpetuate themselves forever. These leaders manipulate very vital democratic organs particularly the legislature and even judiciary to suppress any dissenting voice,” he added.

Source: http://www.mcebisco.com.ng/2018/08/nigeria-does-not-need-strong-leaders.html
In other words, you are regretting in voting out Jonathan from the president seat.
I hope you are ASHAME for what you did?

1 Like

Crime / Re: Soldier Beaten In Warri For "Stealing IPhone" (pics) by dins4real(m): 2:08am On Apr 11, 2018
darling11:
Am done with this generation.
Why?
Anyway, happy birthday to you. More blessings to see many years ahead.
Celebrities / Re: Happy Birthday To Mee by dins4real(m): 12:16am On Apr 04, 2018
Happy Birthday sunshine. May the Good things that come with ur new age be urs in Jesus name. Amen smiley smiley smiley cool cool cool

1 Like

Family / Re: Couple Expecting Twins Welcome Triplets After 9 Years Of Waiting (Photos) by dins4real(m): 7:47pm On Jan 12, 2018
NaoSlay:


When are we going to here this kind of news in Nigeria?


Nigerian beeches can't be patient in a union without kids just like money.


Well, Kudos to the couple, patience pays off.

If I were the couple, I won't visit Nigeria.


Village people might have them in mind.


They even visited Nigeria, the village people forgave them and sent a representative telling them they would have babies.

Maybe the village people had pitied his condition and they recently broke the bond that's why they had their kids.

Fear village people.





[font=Lucida Sans Unicode][/font]WHEN YOU HAVE GOD ALMIGHTY, NO ENEMY WILL CONQUER YOU
Romance / Re: Ladies What Is Your Body Shape???? ( Pics) by dins4real(m): 12:35am On Jan 07, 2018
sinaj:
is play I dey nau sad

Sombori cannor play again
Lmao.
Oh my God!
Are u crying?
Just wondering. OK no problem, if na play no waya.
Happy new year to u.
Romance / Re: Ladies What Is Your Body Shape???? ( Pics) by dins4real(m): 2:57am On Jan 06, 2018
sinaj:
E tongue
But your body shape is B. So why E? undecided undecided
Sports / Re: Yeta Odusanya, Anthony Joshua's Mother Pictured With Him In Dubai by dins4real(m): 6:23pm On Jan 05, 2018
WebSurfer:
The good life...

To those who still have parents, do all you can to keep them happy while you can.

May our days on earth be long enough to witness the successes of our families.
Amen.

1 Like

Politics / Re: Reactions To Fuel Scarcity Under Jonathan (Photos) by dins4real(m): 9:46am On Dec 22, 2017
izzou:
The only reason why I'm happy is that all of us are suffering this scarcity

All those supporting Buhari are still queueing and paying exorbitantly for fuel

By the time Baba finishes with us,na them go still pursue am out

grin
Many of those who supported bubu into power are not in Nigeria my friend. As for me, Nigeria is over asking as long the illiterate is still in power, for this shows that Nigerians are the greatest fool in Africa.
SMH.....

2 Likes 1 Share

Celebrities / Re: Famous Celebrities From Abia by dins4real(m): 11:01pm On May 22, 2016
faith551:
Bia Op where is my name

Me too, where is my name ooooooo angry angry angry
Abeg put my name there. I rep Ohafia LGA for sure.
Career / Re: Boss Serves Me A Query For Late Coming After We Both Spent The Night Out by dins4real(m): 8:34pm On May 15, 2016
kekakuz:
last night was amazing @ a bubbling club in Abuja with my boss. she is tall robust and in her late 20s. I meet her at a social event where we shared contact and she help me get a job in her office. she not only help me get a job but back dated my employment letter and I resumed promoted.
all her kind gestures towards me made me develop a sense of indebtedness to her but have never been able to pay her back except that I make sure she never runs out of data on her phone.
on Thursday she I received a pm from her asking me if I had plans for Friday night. truth be told I don't have anyplans so I told her no. she said she would pick me up later at night.
I knew she needed a companion to one of her many events and don't want her friends to know she is a loner. so I saw it as an opportunity to give back to her

about 4pm as we approach close of business on Friday , a general mail was sent that we would be coming for Saturday duties and default is equal to suspension.

after the mail I felt we probably would not be going out anymore since there is work. she came by my office and drop her car key and told me to pick her and her friends up by 10pm. she picked a drop and left.
at exactly 10:05 I reached her estate and picked her and 2 of her friends as we head to wuse 2.
we went to have dinner and she slipped her ATM in my hand and whispered the code in my ears.

I paid like a boss and we went straight to wine bar not far away. we ordered drinks and she held on to me as if we have been dating for years. she occasionally kiss me on the cheek. I was being careful not to drink too much because am driving and I don't drink much. so I mixed my jack Daniels with coke. thereafter we drove to a club nearby. their blood alcohol was already above the legal limit. the three of them danced like crazy I just stayed calm forming boss in the VIP section. whenever her two friends come close to me, she jumps in the middle like she was jealous. we danced till about two am when I decided its time to go. they were so drunk if not for the help of the security who helped me bring them inside the car, I drove back into the estate and her two friends came down but she was fast asleep. I carried her inside and lay her gently on the bed. she held me and whisper in my ears stay with me tonight. I knew she was drunk and not in her right mind. I tuck her in her bed
spread and kissed her good night and dropped her car key beside her to enable her get to the office in the morning.

I took a drop home and sleep off immediately. I woke up 7:30 and was running late. I quickly prepared for work but got to the office 30min late. everyone was on time except me. I logged into my mail and saw a query from my boss.
at first I felt it was a kind of cover up eye service but she copies disciplinary and regional head in the mail that unroll 10am to reply why I came late and should not be suspended .
I immediately sent her PMs but she replied none. so I replied the query saying I took my sick sister to a vigil for healing and I over slept after the vigil.
she sent another mail instantly that she recommend that I be suspended for a week without pay with immediate effect.

seriously I was confused because I can't believe it was the same person I spent whole lastnight with.
I picked my bag and just went back home wondering if I was dreaming.




She doesn't want to let people know that u with her last friday and she is trying to save her own face. That is she is selfish and arrogant. Just stay calm and be quite but don't make that mistake again. U knw some gals can be annoying.
I knw she will regret what she did to u.

cool cool

1 Like 1 Share

Family / Re: Cheating Doesnt Stop A Man From Loving His Wife by dins4real(m): 7:47pm On May 15, 2016
dollyjoy:
A man who cheat on his wife doesn't deserve to live.

Hmmmmmmm.. .... .
U sure about that?
What will you about women, who cheats on their husband?

See my gal left me because she cheated on me . Will u pray for her to die? Hmmmmmm, answer me asap. angry angry
Politics / Re: Fuel Stations in Ibadan Deserted And Closed Due To Low Patronage by dins4real(m): 6:28am On May 15, 2016
hypertension:
buhari the dullard

buhari dey kolo

buhari needs IV KETAMINE 400mg stat

beta still IV LIDNOCAINE WITH ADRENALINE 10mls stat.

please help me find buhar he needs these injections


He needs more than those medications!!!
grin grin grin grin grin
Abeg can u recommend more?
Now Apc supporters will want to fill the wailers forms. Abeg wailers form don finish.
This is CHAINS not change.

1 Like 1 Share

Politics / Re: NSCDC Destroys 13 Illegal Refineries In Rivers by dins4real(m): 9:37pm On May 08, 2016
Flexherbal:
Is there no way they can legalise these refinaries. Build them to standard?
Why do we still import fuel, when we can make local refinaries?
Or, will it have a negative effect on the economy?

angry angry
My brother from another mother. Infact, this federal govt. Are big thief, they want amass wealth for themselves only. Instead of creating local refineries for increase in production of fuel, they are busy destroying the little ones tgat are there.
Yet, they will be complaining of fuel scarity, when we actually have people that can generate fuel locally at a very affordable rate. Imagine!!! angry angry
Such stupid and nonsense set of leaders, that we have here in Nigeria!
Politics / Re: NSCDC Destroys 13 Illegal Refineries In Rivers by dins4real(m): 9:35pm On May 08, 2016
Flexherbal:
Is there no way they can legalise these refinaries. Build them to standard?
Why do we still import fuel, when we can make local refinaries?
Or, will it have a negative effect on the economy?

angry angry
My brother from another mother. Infact, this federal govt. Are big thief, they want amass wealth for themselves only. Instead of creating local refineries for increase in production of fuel, they are busy destroying the little ones tgat are there.
Yet, they will be complaining of fuel scarity, when we actually have people that can generate fuel locally at a very affordable rate. Imagine!!! angry angry
Such stupid and nonsense set of Leaders[s][/s], that we have here in Nigeria!
Romance / Re: How To Spot Broke Girls Trying Too Hard To Impress by dins4real(m): 8:31am On May 08, 2016
Jadekitana:
Please note that this thread doesn't have any intention of castigating the female folks but if you fall under these category you better start amending your ways because it's becoming annoying to me.

1) when you take them out, they bring out their phones and start snapping the food: what the hell is that? Are you that hungry? Can't you have some decorum in public? They act as though they have never seen an exotic dish in their full life. Next thing is to start looking for nylon to wrap the meat with the excuse that they can't finish it. When it comes to using cutlery they flop, you see them battling with the knife and fork. Some would put the fork on the right hand and still be feeling cool. Smh

2) They spend so much on makeup: yes with empty pockets yet they buy very expensive makeup. A friend bought a mac powder for 13k recently and was begging me to lend her money, who does that? What's the point using iman, mac, inglot, sleek, orekelewa etc when you can't pay your rent or eat properly. They always make mouth about using expensive makeups, don't let that deceive you, they are broke!!!

3) They go to expensive restaurants in group: 6girls on a table with a bottle of sprite and a plate of steak meat in a bad ass place like hardrock cafe? When they see you placing orders and swiping your card with ease they feel intimidated. You can't compare someone who leaves the house 5am everyday to work their ass off to you who spends your time chatting and doing nothing! A miracle can't happen.

4) They use really expensive phones: if i'm in a ladies hangout and you trying to impress me with your phone, I look at your hair, your handbag, your nails, your vocabulary, how you comport yourself, how you eat, what you wearing.....if all these added makes 10percent outa 100 sorry you trying too hard to fit in, you are broke!

5) They always snap pics in cars and hotel bathrooms: if I dare see multiple hotels pics as your dp, I delete that person instantly. A hotel bathroom isn't an office, the front seat of cars isn't an investment. Taking selfies in cars doesn't make you posh, how about owning one yourself? Quit the childish act today, thank me later.

6) They use fake leg chains: sorry babe if your leg chain ain't gold, you are broke! You can't be sampling a gutter used leg chain you bought from balogun and be acting big. By the way has your leg chain helped you? Those 5 piercings you'v got in your ears have they connected you? Did you decorate those piercings with gold earrings or cheap metals? Better look for a way to seal them up.

7) They worship boyfriends: sorry a relationship is cute and all but you can't be jobless and idle and be talking about boo, boyfriend, man crush 247. What do you bring to the table? Boobs and ass? A good fvck? Thrashy! Trust me, he would dump you for a lady who has focus. Build your pocket first before a relationship!

cool Last but not the least, they are always on nairaland. Biko what are you always doing here? Fighting every Tom, dick and Harry? Imagine me going through threads created since Monday and some particular ladies are always insulting people 247 on every thread, don't you ladies have shame? After miss nairaland what next? You go back to empty pockets, dirty pants, unkept hair, smelling armpits(yes that's what happens when you hold your phones 247) the height of joblessness! Get busy my friend! Go and register in a saloon, makeup school or something. Y'all are beginning to disgrace young ladies here! You can't spend your life online 247, in 5years time ask yourself what you'v achieved.

*drops pen* where's my Mafia manager? I need to read that book again.

cool grin
Op, your head dey there.
Abeg let dose gals knw the truth.
grin grin grin

2 Likes

Romance / Re: Guys, 8 Ladies You Should Avoid If You Want A Prosperous Financial Life by dins4real(m): 5:36am On May 07, 2016
wristbangle:
An adage says that before a thunderstorm, lightening strikes. This adage is peculiar to some relationships where guys complain bitterly about ladies excessive desperation for money. And the saddening thing is that some guys are very familiar with these signs yet they still fall victim to these daughters of Jezebel that go on a date mainly for stomach infrastructure just as Tosyne2much's state governor, Ayodele Peter Fayose.

Below are categories of ladies you must avoid if you want a prosperous financial life.

1. Those that request for recharge card

Many topics have long been raised whether it's ideal for a lady to ask for recharge card barely meeting a guy for 24 hours. The bitter truth about ladies who are quick to demand for recharge card is that they are lazy, too dependent and have no atom of regard for themselves. For crying out loud, must your boyfriend bear your burden down to ridiculous thing such as N100 recharge card? When you meet a lady today and she begs for recharge card tomorrow, just know that she is nothing but a shameful poor girl.

2. Those that ring bell about their financial issues

Guys, please beware of ladies who doesn't complain about any other thing but money. Some of them automatically assume you should start taking their responsibilities which their fathers cannot take the moment you propose to them. Always try to avoid them like plague. The highest they can give you is 5minutes bleeping.

3. The hungry ladies

The fact that many Nigerian ladies see men's money as an escape route out of poverty often makes them act like they haven't been fed for months when on a date. When a white man take a white lady on a date, she might just order for coffee and that's all, but as for Nigerian ladies, many of them lack modesty that they will feed as if there's famine on the land and may even open their bags and start loading fast foods for their friends, neighbours, family members and so on and so forth. You need to avoid these kind of ladies promptly.

4. Those obsessed about gifts

During mothers' day, she will ask for gifts, during worker's day, she will ask for gifts; during Easter period, she will ask for gifts; during Independence day, she will still ask for gifts; she will even ask for gifts during your own birthday.. These ones want nothing but money. grin grin grin

5. Those who are too inquisitive to know about your salary

It beats my imagination when I see ladies hell bent on knowing her boyfriend's income salary.. Is it even necessary when you're not married to him?. Such ladies are nothing but thieves who do not deserve any form of respect. Guys should discard any lady who is extremely inquisitive to know your monthly take home.

6. Those who never appreciate your financial support

If you subscribe monthly data plan for some ladies, common "thank you", will not come out from them. Even when you make them realise that such attitude is bad, they will reduce you to a loaf of bread and claim that your mates buy range rover for other ladies without strings attached.

7. Those who call you "sweet names" only when you spend on them

Any lady who calls you sweet names such as sweetheart, darling, honey when only you spend on her has nothing to offer you. She's only concerned about what she wants. Such a lady will always leave you when you fail to give them money to buy what will not better their lives.

8. Those who wait for car lift

These kind of ladies should be a no-go-area for a man with brightened prospects. They always wait for guys using cars to pick them at bus terminus in order to save their money. As bitter as it may sound, you may not have a prosperous financial life if you eventually date someone like them.

#4, blow me off my chair! Chei Op, your head dey there. grin grin grin

1 Like

Politics / Re: APC's Reaction To The Signing Of The 2016 Budget by dins4real(m): 8:21pm On May 06, 2016
yarimo:
I suspect FAYOSE hand work grin

You are NOT SERIOUS !!!
angry angry angry angry angry
Romance / Re: Why Do Only Broke Men Approach Me For Marriage? by dins4real(m): 3:13am On May 06, 2016
mizlolar:
Please i need ur help. Am having challenges in area of relationship. I have the problem of ending up with men who are nothing but gold diggers. They seem good from the start but before a few months, they will turn into pests.

I dont know what is responsible for this. I just need a man who ll love me on the basis of who i am not what i have. I am from a well to do family, I am the only daughter of my parents and my dad is late, I actually inherited quite a lot and initially it seemed like a blessing until I got older.

All the Guys i ve met so far re fake displaying fake love just to get hold of what is in my possession. I will give you a little insight so you can understand what I am going tru. Around 2013, my then fiance kidnapped himself and because i already knew he was too needy and then their was a lot of inconsistencies in the story so i ignored the kidnappers who were demanding for 700k ransom. The guys showed up 2 weeks later fuming without any injuries or even shedding any weight


He was ranting and saying all sorts like how wicked i was and how i abandoned him to die. I had to break it off immediately because he was beginning to sound like i was his mother and father joined together. The next relationship went quite the same way.


The guy sold my car and came up with stories of how he was robbed at onipanu by palm-grove. unfortunately for him, i had a tracker which had its own inbuilt battery, so when they disconnected the car battery thinking they have disabled the tracker, they gaffed. the car was subsequently tracked down to shagamu at a hotel managed by his cousin. these are just the few recent ones.

There are many more experiences that i wouldn’t bother you with but I am tired. the worst is that some will even want to move in with me because of the comfort of my place. Its really frustrating. My mum said i should stop driving but its nearly impossible for me to get around lagos without a car.


I simply stopped using the big cars and got a Toyota matrix and i even had to drive myself so it dosnt look like i am the one attracting the wrong men and scaring away the good ones yet i haven’t been lucky.


I am not looking for a millionaire, I just want a man with a little dignity and value not the ones who will start demanding for loans or come up with stories within months of how their visa was stuck or how their mother was diabetic and needed money for blood transfusion. I have heard a lot of such stories and i am tired.


I dont know if my mum is right that i am scaring away the right ones with my lifestyle. Honestly, i dont even live flamboyantly neither do I club. I am in my early 30’s and i really need to settle down.


Plz help me with ideas on how to stop attracting gold digging shameless men. As at now, 4 guys re on my neck including head of admin in my firm but they are all my subordinates and I don’t want a scandal. Thank u.

Please advice. I don't need abuse from you guys... Thanks

It is not by your power, but by the Grace of God. Please, cast your burden upon the Lord. He will help you in this time of your need.
Pray to God fervently, for He will not forsake you. Come closer to Christ. He has something great for you!

1 Like

Politics / Re: REVEALED!! 10 Reasons African Politicians Love Ladies With Big Assets by dins4real(m): 3:06am On May 06, 2016
What u have in mind does not translate to all African men. Some african men do like slim girls. Especially girls that are well trimmed. So don't say all men like girls that have big breast or butt.
Like me for example, I love slim girls to a fault but only admire girls with big butt or big breast.
Events / Re: Why Do Men Cry On Their Wedding Day...(photo) by dins4real(m): 1:25am On May 03, 2016
HolyHero:
[size=15pt]
He is thinking of the kind of discomfort he is getting too...

Especially when you're married to an igbo girl they can make life tired person
[/size]



angry angry angry
Who told u that igbo girls are like that?
Pls, pls don't knw what to say, just park well, ok
Smh seriously.
*speaking out of point*

1 Like

Politics / Re: Man Strips Unclad To Buy Fuel At A Station In Lagos. Photos by dins4real(m): 5:01am On Apr 26, 2016
dainformant:
This is very serious... The present economic hardship is taking a whole new level now as an able-bodied man stripped unclad in public at a fuel station filled with customers in Lagos. The young man who was outside the petrol station -shamelessly removed his clothes in order for him to be allowed in to buy fuel.

Even a team of policemen stationed there and area boys couldn't stop him from having his way. He was finally allowed into the station where he laid down on the ground after the attendants refused to sell for him. A policeman had to beg the workers there to sell fuel for the "mad man"..

Here are screenshots from a video posted online.

Source; http://www.nationalhelm.net/2016/04/man-strips-unclad-in-public-in-order-to.html

grin grin grin
It is only in Nugeria, nonsense make sense, while sense is nonsense!!!
Laughing in Nigerian language.
Romance / Re: Problems Only Pretty Ladies Will Understand by dins4real(m): 7:34am On Apr 24, 2016
Hadez:
1. We can't just have a day off without receiving numerous calls from annoying set of toasters and so called friends.
Like seriously? Can't you guys just keep to yourself and don't bother us? You call morning, noon and night and all you keep saying is "how are you, how was your day, have you eaten, what are you doing at the moment, OK I will call you later" are you an FBI agent? Mtchewww undecided

2. We are tagged as flirts. This especially I hate to the bone. Even here on nairaland. So because she is pretty and she clubs and dresses with swag does that mean she is an olosho? Too many kids in this country undecided

3.we can't just walk without being noticed. OK, I am not all that pretty but can't I just walk pass a street without guys stopping to say hello? Can't i just go to a store to get something without someone offering to pay? Can't i just eat in peace without you offering to pay my bills and get to know me in the process? Leave me alone! angry

4. Too many DM, PM...do I need to say more about this? I get nothing less than 100 messages on fb in 2days. I am lucky, my bestie gets more than 500 messages daily grin she had to delete her fb messenger because the messages are just too much grin
Even instagram isn't helping matter. Should I start with nairaland too? angry

5. We are tagged as unserious students. Imagine someone saying the pretty ones are the dumb ones why the ugly girls are intelligent. Just imagine, well my gp speaks for me. Not all pretty girls rely on their beauty

6. We are called lazy and dependant grin this is the funniest grin
I have 2 jobs and I pay my bills myself. why will I want to depend on your peanut? grin

7. They call us proud. This is saddening. Sometimes it is just about having a high self esteem not pride sad

8. Most guys just want to show you off as trophies and have sex then move to the next pretty girl. This is why we take a very long time to study you before allowing you in but most guys will become too desperate and loose their chances.

#drops pen



Mtchewww. What rubbish!!! angry angry angry
If u don't know what you are saying, then pack urself well!!!
Later on, you will say guys are wicked, when they dont call u, text u or notice u.

Abeg NEXT!!!
Literature / Re: Fuel Scarcity And The Missing Prick: A Short Story by dins4real(m): 7:03am On Apr 24, 2016
Cityofdavid:
Fuel Scarcity and the Missing Prick

Lagos is a very crazy city. There, everyone is in haste like the blades of a rolling fan. There, Mondays are more sacred than Fridays and Sundays, for traders would never entertain nonsense on Monday mornings. There, a saint becomes a devil when he holds the steering wheel of any godforsaken vehicle. Lagos is a city for smart people; it is the only city in the world where a person pays for a smart phone and gets a wrap of fufu instead.

Lagos is full of unusualness too. You cannot urinate anywhere. You cannot park anywhere. You cannot even cross the highway in places where there are no pedestrian bridges. And let me add that everything is stealable in Lagos. There is a popular story of a stupid fat woman who slept off in a 'Molue' but woke up to find that her breasts had been stolen and replaced with two large water melons. As a matter of fact, I now write to tell the story of how a young man's prick was stolen and found miraculously.

Yesterday, I was in Agege to buy about ten litres of petrol to fill my "I pass my neighbour" generator. Recently, nearly every citizens of my country have had a glimpse of hell - no fuel; no light; no water and jobs. Those who voted for change now seemed to live in chains. It was under these circumstances that I left my house at about 3.00am to queue for fuel in a nearby Mobil filling station where petrol was still sold at reasonable prices.

The reader would think that it was stark dark and Lagos people should be in bed but it was not so. Vehicles running into about fifty had formed a long queue already. 'Okada' riders numbering well over seventy had also formed a separate queue together with those who came with the tanks of their generators. And then, there were those who came with sleeping mats. Crazy city; crazy citizens; crazy government, I thought.

At once, I joined the queue of those who came with their own tanks and waited quietly. Policemen were very much present too to protect, or perhaps, extort us. Our confidence level remained intact, although there was no single pump attendant in sight. We believed strongly that Mobil would save us, not the government.

At the time the loudspeakers from the nearby mosques blarred, no single petrol attendant was in sight. By now, the filling station premises had become a Mecca, bodies pressing against bodies; buttocks pressing against buttocks. It was an opportunity for some rascal guys to pick pockets. And then it happened.

"My prick, my prick," a slender-looking young man shouted a few paces away, wailing like a starved goat. His slim legs looked like the stem of a premature banana tree. "My prick o, this Alhaji don thieve my prick. Make una help me beg am make him return am o."
"How him take thieve your prick na," a woman who had gripped Alhaji's agbada asked curiously.
"I dey here dey queue for fuel jeje. Nahim this man come pass hit him hand for my back. My body do 'gree-gree-gree' like say scorpion bite me nahim I see say my prick don disappear. Make una help me beg am o. Make him bring back my prick."
"Walaitalai, me I no thieve am for this boy prick. I get my own, Oga"
"Shut up your dirty mouth, Alhaji abi wetin dem call you," yelled a septuagenarian who had just joined the ring which had formed round Alhaji and the poor boy. "Return this boy prick otherwise we go burn you alive. If money no dey the country since Buhari enter, why you no use your own prick do money instead of this boy own? Wicked man."

Clicks from Android camera phones filled the air; the happening scene, though not a story about snakes, had already made Nairaland's front page and found its way in Linda Ikeji's blog.
"You must return this boy's prick," one hefty man, who resembled a chimpanzee, left a heavy slap on Alhaji's face. "Return the prick now or I'll kill you."
"Walaitalai, me I nover thieve am for any prick for my life."
"Return the boy's prick, Alhaji" the hefty man roared again, leaving another staggering slap on Alhaji's face. "Before you turn this boy prick to Dollars, I go kill you."

While Alhaji sat on the floor, his flowing agbada gathering dust, a pregnant woman remarked, "Don't punish the innocent for nothing. Don't punish the innocent for nothing. This boy suppose open him boxers make we see with our korokoro eyes say true true him Gala dey miss"
"Oya open your boxers," the impatient crowd yelled. "Make we see say your Gala dey miss true true."

The young man, whose name I knew afterward to be Emeka, rose to his feet. He had cried out his eyes and misplaced his voice.
"See, everybody see."
His boxer shorts had now fallen below his kneels and we saw, amongst what appeared to be a scanty black forest, an inch of black rope. Nothing more. A door had seemed to appear in his waist through which his prick had vanished, leaving its tail. How can a boy in his twenties have such a length of Gala? Alhaji must have stolen it with his charm, we thought.
"Una see say I no dey lie? This man don thieve my prick" Emeka cried.

The hefty man who would pass for a tamed chimp moved his great head forward, grabbed Alhaji by the neck and started to drag him away from the filling stations.
"By the time way I set you on fire, you go return this boy prick way you thieve, idiot."
We all followed this strange hefty man.
"Oga, put this tire for him neck. I get small fuel for here and we fit buy matches for that shop make we burn am to ashes." Someone whose face I couldn't see jeered.
"Okay"
"Walaitalai, Walaitalai, me I no thieve am for anybody prick." Alhaji cried helplessly but nobody listened to him.

Just when the hefty man was about to lit the fortunate match that would roast Alhaji like cashew nuts, two events occurred simultaneously. "I go return am. Oga, I beg I go return the prick way I thieve. Make I touch the boy back."
"You better do."

Alhaji was still walking towards Emeka's direction when someone in the crowd screamed, "Mobil don dey sell fuel oo."
At once Emeka's shrunken prick started to rise like a yeasted flour. It rose steadily until it became as strong as a rock.
"Don't touch me," Emeka yelled. "My prick don come back." Emeka started scampering towards the Mobil filling station to join the light queue that was forming. I ran too. Who does not want to buy cheap petrol?
"I don see my prick, Godwin" Emeka repeated, as he ran.

At the end, nobody could say whether it was Alhaji or the Mobil filling station which started selling fuel that returned the missing prick, if there was any missing prick in the first place.

Ademule David is a student of human society and crime; he writes from and lives in Lagos where he goes about carrying his magical pen in his pockets.

Source: http://facebook.com/thesocialmicroscope

grin grin grin grin grin
VERY FUNNY! CHEI, OP I DON LAUGH TIRE!

1 Like

Celebrities / Re: Meet Ella Martins - The Beninese Actress With The Biggest Ukwu In Africa by dins4real(m): 5:46am On Apr 24, 2016
jasssbabe:
Some Nigeria actress have bigger ass dan this


No, it is not only Nigerian girls, but Africans girls that have asses. Hmmmmmm... ....... Pls, don't think it is only Nigerian girls. Go to other African countries, you will amazed that Africans girls are bless with such hips. cool cool cool

But ehmmmm, I live slim girls. cool cool cool
Celebrities / Re: My Husband Goes To Market For Me - Omotola; Twitter Users React by dins4real(m): 6:09pm On Apr 13, 2016
midehi2:
so you have to broadcaste it to the world, respect your husband..woman

Thank you very much. Please tell her oooooo. Too much of hype over nothing. Willher statement solve Nigeria issues? angry angry angry
Family / Re: Is It Right For Married People To Go Clubbing ??? by dins4real(m): 1:28pm On Apr 13, 2016
Chizzy20:
hmm i dont see anytin wrng dere, as far dey re married couples bt it should b togeda, at least once in a while.Couples nid to engage in new stuff to kip dier marriage alive nt always d same old routine dat wil start making dem get bored of themselves..anyway dats jst my two kobo.

No, No, No........
That's not two kobo! That's a million dollar advice that u gave. shocked shocked shocked
Travel / Re: Nigerian Removed From Flight Over Hepatitis A Gets Unexpected Miracle by dins4real(m): 5:57am On Apr 04, 2016
ObiOmaMu:
An air hostess on Quora shared the weirdest moments from her flight days, and this one about Nigerians teaming up to help a fellow Nigerian who was sick onboard their flight is particularly touching.

Amazing stuff. Please read:

http://www.lailasblog.com/2016/04/nigerian-stopped-from-flying-back-home.html

embarassed embarassed embarassed

This got to show that, we have more Nigerians who are kind that are living abroad than Nigerians who are kind living in Nigeria.
Hmmmmm, this means that we that are here in Nigeria shld change.
Pets / Re: Guy Offers His Dog To Calabar People After It Ate His N4000 (photo) by dins4real(m): 10:06am On Apr 03, 2016
Afrok:
When did one #500 equivalent to #4,000? shocked


I wonder oooooooooo angry angry angry angry
Romance / Re: Bankers are very Fake and Stingy!!! living a borrowed lifestyle,ladies beware! by dins4real(m): 11:02pm On Apr 01, 2016
ScofieldBello:
You seem to me a desperate lady.
Hey, stop going about telling people how to spend their hard earned money! You were definitely disappointed cuz you didn't get what you expected.....he is a real guy.

How many times have you left your change with a waitress? But you expected him to leave his. Oh....I forgot that you ain't got a job yet.

Better that you deleted his number cuz a lady like you cannot add value to his life. He ain't a reckless spender.


Funny you, na now you know say na fake life him dey live. Even if he isn't a full staff, madam IT IS HIS JOB, IT IS HIS LIFE, HE LIKES IT.



TRUE WORDS YOU SPEAK.. ... grin grin grin grin grin

1 Like

Politics / Re: Murray-Bruce: List Of Countries Visited By Buhari (Photo) by dins4real(m): 10:47pm On Apr 01, 2016
Young03:
keep talking

My dear, tell him oooooooo. Too much talk ni action. SmhSmh angry angry angryangry
Travel / Re: 10 Things I Learnt About Cross River State During My Service Year by dins4real(m): 10:36pm On Apr 01, 2016
Bekwarra:

Boki girls and their banana are worth dying for.

My dear, Boki girls, bananas and plantains are worth longing for everyday.!!! angry angry angry

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