₦airaland Forum

I got to the Coven, Baba was really furious and was raging as to why i sent them to him instead of him. I told him I didn’t even see these people and I wasn’t responsible for the dream i and even the choices i made in the dream as i believed he hand his spirits made the dream happen in the first place say make e calm down make he no dey wyn state. He come calm down. Then in between the silence that ensued, two men in their early forties came into the coven and grabbed me and took me outside right outside was where i believed i walked into a trap. Some moments after i got outside and tied like a goat and seeing Baba outside as well as his assistant and four more people was when i knew i was about to be got!! They whisked me and took me through the back and to the exact spot i buried Jago. They left me in a kneeling position and the two men held me in a restraining way and Baba’s assistant shaved my hair, as he was shaving my hair i could fell his hand trembling on my head, i read into his emotions and knew probably the end was very near.

Then Baba took his axe and practiced with it for a while. Then two men held a live goat that i believed was pregnant through the bulging stomach I spotted, axe up and down the goats neck, the head was severed from the body completely then baba grabbed the body of the goat and held it above my head, shifted it back to his head and let the blood drown our both bodies. Somehow the rope that tied my wrists together snapped a bit from behind. But it was still pretty tight. I then forced one wrist of but still kept my free hands behind as they tied me. Baba but gin in his mouth and made to spit it in my face i just use one two left right follow am gba gba gba he don fall yakata. One of the men one come show when then others don dey make way. E throw me one i duck am give am 2, he chest the first one na him i change the direction of the second one, he was too slow, my punch hit him on the lips i sha see say blood commot like say person use teeth open pure water with agidi

I tried preaching around again, no hope, no luck. Then i missed my old church. The former property that i acquired for the lord’s work got sold and the money from it i used it to purchase more church equipments, i bought a Yamaha 61 weighted keys Keyboard, bought drumsets, paid for locally made standard speakers about four large ones, bought a mixer and microphones that came with cable. All of these things i bought were paid for from the proceeds of the old church sale and part of what i had saved up from offerings and tithes. Lest i forget, i also took deliveries of new suit pairs. I’m saying all those suits that sat on your body and made you look smarter like an action figure in front of s movie poster. The sponsored advertisement i ran on facebook only brought about engagements online and not online. Then i started my worship online since overnight my followings increased from six hundred followers to twenty one k followers. I ran the church online through live church sessions, video sections that i dropped on the page. I still preached the same mission over and over again.

I got bored of the online thing as i wanted the real thing, i wanted to be able to look across the multitude heads of people well stretched around the large church hall having the congregation waiting on me to lead them kn to the Holy Ghost. But as a fake, i had already damned the consequences by ordaining myself, i wanted a church out of selfishness or selfish interests. And no matter what i did good running this ministry, I wasn’t sure it would count as a levy for this big sin i committed but our God is a very patient God, another reason we humans we take him for granted and dare him by using his name falsely, something He warned us about. For the Bible said

Mathew: 7:15 KJV said and i quote

Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep's: clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves

Hungerbadoo:
Watch out for the spirits

Watch out for Baba sef

Athemisia:
This is not just about street. Anytime you ask something from gods, always be ready to meet up the vow you took because if they come for you, you nor go know who dey worry you. Happen to my sister who seek a child from a deity and forget her vows.

Hmm

Buying that property where the church stood obviously wasn’t enough as the Cda in the community wanted me and the church out then majority carried the vote and because I wasn’t even an indegiene made it worst. Before i knew, the community started dropping sacrifice on the church entrance since i had bought the place and the only way to go about it was through that. My congregation sef they though it was my doing and members dropped drastically. With the money i had from church offerings and tithes, i put the place on sale Packed up and left for Lagos. Getting to Lagos, i had to start my ministry again from level 0 and pick it up from there. With the money i realized from the old church gathering in Akure, (i was able to gather all these funds because as my old church grew from one member to 100, the congregation consisting of people that never saw themselves as fits to the church environment, the good the bad and the ugly. They donated money in droves. And the offerings came in droves too so i was able to spend less and save more for the Church.

After about a month Getting to Lagos, i found a space close to a popular bus stop and this time i erected a big church tent, filled it with plastic chairs, carved put an Altar and created a very big awareness by printing a big sign post. The other problem i had was getting people to come. Just like the same thing i faced starting out. But as the bible verse said:

“And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it”

Nobody come church for like 3 weeks until i threw a sponsored advertisement on instagram and let it sot for a while month on the app.

One night like that, i don treat client matter ontop my Lappy go, i come doze oo nature put me down. I
Just had to sleep. Na so i see Jago for dream, for inside the dream, Jago dey tell me say i go pay for every of my sin He sounded a warning and said the day of reckoning had missed a day in my life and everyday i woke up, I’ll be getting close to it. Na sonfor inside the dream, another person wey i sure say na one of those corpse wey fuckkxx come ask me say beating dey that night. E come ask me say shey na me go chop am abi my second. Inside the dream, i tellam say na Baba go chop say make him go meet Baba. The spirit cime ask me say if Baba no dey house him go come back come gimme times two beating of wetin he plan before. Na so i wake up. All these crazy dreams because pesin just close eye small o. 2am Baba call me; na so Baba call me say him just chop one beating many many type of beating like this like this and the beating na me suppose chop am instead, the spirit came for him instead of me. Spirit touch you small you come dey cry. Me wey dem dey gather beat back to bank nkoor. Baba go loosegaurd again. He go sleep spirit enter coven meet am say hin dey sleep come use came draw patter for baba body beat him and that hin half mad assistant. Commot for coven.


I say pesin dey cry for me untop phone say him life wan spoil.

Bella Shmurda:

“What goes around comes around my nigga
Vice Versa
Equation Balanced”

Baba wanted me to meet him at the coven, he really wanted me to come as we had a discussion. I kukuma go!

Athemisia:
Shade wey he carry dey Cox all those he badluck.

Your head is there i no need touch that one again

You said it all

Next Sunday, i started and was worshiping alone when four boys walked into the church and at first laughed there hearts out because my church had only one member. But i remained optimistic and somehow we joked the worship for that day. One of them asked if they could smoke inside the church unit, i told him to hold on that I’d take him to my house and he could smoke whatever. Inside the worship sef one of them asked if i was sure I wasn’t a fake pastor because this type of my church be like say na clout i wan take am chase. I explained the mission again and again and then little by little, i started putting together a ring of chain smokers, whores, weed smokers, yahoo boys and I’d be jn there midst as the pastor and that was how it started. I didn’t know what happened at the sudden surge jn members because of course, my church was close to a school, a federal University of technology and as the numbers grew from one to
Two boddies of members, I’m telling you, we grew to 50 members and the Cda of The community wanted me out of the area. What? Just when my church damn. Should i say it was their fault? I mean guys with tatoos came to my church, hoes, hook up girl’s and yahoo boys joined the flock later. In time we grew to a community of hundred people and the church needed an extension at that point and i suddenly needed extra hands to run. Ofcourse like my old man, inwas shrewd with Church funds, i was managing the church pocket direct and i saved up everything i could. I started seeing money right from the start. It grew into alot overtime and as the numbers grew and i said to myself.. i may not have the call, but i will be calm, guided and collected. The moment the Cda served me expulsion notice and told me to quit the area, I discussed it with the church and:


Pastor:
(On a Sunday Service we were almost rounding up service for the day)

Bless God Church!!

Church
(In Chorus):
Amen

Pastor:
BlESs YOU CHURCH!!

Church
(In Chorus):
Hallelujah!!

Then they quiet down

Pastor:
I saw the letter that the community wrote to the Church, (then i grinned) looking over to the end of the congregation and retuning my gaze to the front

(Then i walked over to Lady B(she always sat in front)
Maami, who writes a letter to the Lord Almighty? Ta lo to be!!!!!!

Church
(In Chorus):
Goes wild in Mass laughter.

Pastor
(Continues)
Who sends the Lord Parking from the Terbanacle??
But I’m happy to tell this church that we will be able to buy out this building as soon as we can because the Lord cannot be Broke!

I know niggas that, them collect soap from Baba, small soap wey just carry small spiritual spirit wey dem go just use once so dem go fit gather money come do better otumopor. For example, you dey hustle, and you know as your hussle dey be normally o. Before you go meet your Alfa, you know wetin you client dey tokk. You come go meet that Alfa wey you noor sabi him mind, you tell am your problem. Him tell you solution you say you nor get money, he come look say make hin help you give you “something wey you go take go collect small change come do better juju”. Now the quoted is atleast what he’d tell you. Alfa carry soap give you say make you bath am once for certain time of the night, at one specific place say you go collect money atleast something wey go help you go fit take come do big juju wey you go take collect big bag. You collect cut soap, go house, do as him say. Story no end for there. Wetin your Alfa do, that soap the alfa give you, na spiritual soap, he go beg him spirits say make dem open way for you ontop the soap if you bath am. The spirit go ask af for something in return, your Alfa go come promise the spirit say you go come back come pay say him go stand for you. The spirits go come gree.

You don collect soap, you don bath, one, two , three days, nothing sup.. you don dey forget say you bath soap sef. One rainy night like dat, gen go dey hum, na your neighbor room you dey, all him family don sleep na only you dey up dey follow your maye dey chat. Na Garri your papa drink that night no forget. Your maye go just loosgaurd small he don quick collect cashapp tag, he don cashapp one thousand dollars twice. Nigha you now have two thousand dollars.


$1 equals to 500naira so
On your calculator

2000 times 500 equals one million Naira Dude. At the moment wey your azzaman credit you after he commot him % your Alfa go flash your mind.. but greediness no go gree you. Next morning you don enter whatsapp post

“early momo Awon tie n pe e won sope owo ti jade o”

You din enter computer village, IPhone 12 pro Max gbam. Miney don remain hundred . Nigga your alfa fit don even call you mske you scope am say the soap never fo you anything. But him don see am say something don sup because the Spirits granted his wish for standing for you and they’d notify him it was his turn to grant their own wish. All these things, your papa nor know. You don buy iPhone almost 600k naira, you even buy iWatch, 200k money remain hundred k you buy shirt wey be say dem go think say na your daddy own and crazy jeans. You enter street they claim Og dey go. Your papa go come dey that same spot for years. Your iPhone 12 e don dey outdated. Tech done
Move leave you. You finally sell the iphone then either be a junkie or a menace to the society at large. You know why? Ehn? Why be say. As the Alfa no see you come back, nobody granted the requests of the spirits for your small victory (cashout) that yeah then he sold you out. Shey Equation no balance?

Chimeluv:
this is no ordinary story, this wan na revelation. Kudos and more grease to your elbows...

Thanks ma

Short Update:






Make i no forget, then the nighaboi wey dey gbera wey red jackies catch recently wey i bail, dem catch am again, dem collect the btc wallet wey him use accuire things that am this time wey dem catch am, dem see am for possession come seize am. All the things wey e don buy and wey him come rebuy again, dem seize am. Hom moor fit call me that time him use him resources settle h case. But from hood i hear hin matter. Nigga don dey hooked to drugs don turn hood rat. (E for come To me for salvation, but him don see wetin i experience. Even tho na small he see. Him mind go dey cut cut anytime hin wan go do juju for him yahoo work.

mokoh:
Boss u repeat the update

I been think say that one no post before ni. Na as you talk i check am now. I go rectify am post short update come write long update continue the update dey go like that.

Omo i foor. Thank you oo.

Hakeem mhen

From that time onwards, anything wey baba say make i come bath, i dey make sure say e bath am first, anything wey e say make i come chop, i go make sure say e chop am first. Make e noor use soap or spiritual food (aseje) run me street because i know say na very powerful man. Come see things oo. Person wey be say na twelve thousand naira him don collect for my hand ever, i mean asides the things i paid for that was used to make this or that for me. All the cashout wey i cashout, Baba money in total, the money wey i don give am for this life in total na twelve thousand naira. Hom self dey tell me say him nor fit collect inside my money or spend i side am and the twelve thousand wey i give am as thank you fee, he carry am keep for one place wey be say everytime wey i go coven, i dey see the money like this. One naira e noor spend inside. He come dey ask me for money now. This Baba call me one morning say dhey i no go give am money ni? Yeeeh how much i asked. Na so the werey tokk five million. Then i asked him why he needed such an amount. His reply cracked me up.

“You sha do cut feet, and we do dey face am together, shey i no go ckme dey enjoy ni”

Wow i sent the money to him and thats why if you see Babalawo wey get like 3 ride, you come see say na people wey get ride dey find am come. Investigate am well, he’s currently sharing the same vows and oaths as to someone he’s halping to make money spiritually.

Pesin give you soap make you go bath him come say the same soap him don bath am before. Two things, him fit wan use you or make you use am and that kain soap, na pesin wey e head strong pass for the two people e go work for.

Bella shmurda tokk one thing inside ominipotent

Awon kan won sare won ka pata
Won fe ra Benz and Beamer
Awon kan won sare won ka pata
They say dem wan run the parameter
Awon kan won sare won ka pata
They say dem wan buy Benz and Beamer
Awon kan won sare won ka pata
They say dem wan run the parameter
Another man down not medically spiritually
Afowofa atowoda nkan towo mi o to ma fi gongo fa
What can fa I call Alfa
I need prayers the money don dey fail I need am fast
If money come I go buy you car buy you house pay by price
Bad belle call me me I no answer
What goes around comes around my nigga
Life is spherical
Vice versa
Equation balance


Some people run carry another pesin pant
Because dem wan buy Benz and Bmw
Some people run carry another pesin pant
Them say dem wan run the parameter

Some people run carry another pesin pant
Because dem wan buy Benz and Bmw
Some people run carry another pesin pant
Them say dem wan run the parameter


(See wetin happen to the pesin wey dem carry e pant for wire)


Another man down but not medically but spiritually
(Dem don use him pant be that)
Something wey my hand no reach make i use long spoon collect am

Wetin wan cause am, i call Alfa i need prayers
(Spiritual prayers and doings)

The money don dey fail i need am Fast!
(You noor fit wait for Gods plan you sha don use pesin pant)

If money come I go buy you car buy you house pay by price
(Abi money wey don come after you use persinpant and the pesin don down not medicaly but spiritually)

Bad bele call me me i no answer
( the bad belles wey don wrote you off wen you never thief pesin pant for wire o)


What goes around comes around my nigga
(Ehn you noor fit spend that money for life nigga you must pay!)

Life is spherical
(You go pay!!)

Vice versa
(You go need pay!!!)

Equation balance
(You don pay!!!!)






I dey come joo

Liberate Kini? I told him he put me through alot and that i was sorry i cut his feet but whatever happens after that was not my doing as per wetin he tell me nd the deadline wey e gimmie and the desperation and i wouldn’t have cut his feet if from time he always gave me extra timing. But him own deities no dey give extra time na to dey rush rush pesin dem sabi. Then i scoped Baba further and asked him what i had to do if i was to liberate him like he mentioned. His Intel was, he’d hv to part with one single finger, ofcourse I’d be the one to cut it and we’d make a soap that he’d bath and he’d be free but at the cost of his severed feets and one pinky finger. Welldone so the werey no wan die or chop spiritual cain be that. But me i no gree o. Because i knew if i attested to what he said, he’d get his liberation and deal with me. So now its a case of who loosegaurd na hin go chop morrow! I even told Baba boldly that i was ready for the next offering to the gods ahead of time and that’s if they wanted it in advanced.

Baba no juss tokk anything, he knew whatever the gods asked, he’d be part of finding or sourcing for it, and if we both failed, the gods would come for us both. E make sense like that i thought to myself! And like that Lil frosh verse in the Zinoleskey song “Who knows” he sang and i quote

Oya, hustle, ma sun
Ji ma sun
Eni mo way lo mo′we
Enu o ra "Muscle"
Oya stand on your feet,
Ko de duro gidigba,
Ko gbe sun mo "Spiritual", ko le ri beat gba

O le ti were bo, but ma ti igberaga bo
Eh, Somto, wo ilo, kai bo, kai bo
Stay woke my nigga, koye wo bi [?]
No be by age, anybody lo le koko lo



Hustle Hustle wake up no sleep
(Na wetin i do)

Na pesin wey sabi way na hin sabi book
(I no sabi book but meni sabi way)

Mouth no dey buy muscle
(Dem noor tell me ajeh)

Oya stand on your feet make you stand gidigba
(I get Baba for coven)

Make you carry your hussle enter Spiritual
(Baba dey for Coven)

Make you see beat collect
(I see many beat o i kuku see plenty beat)

You fit use werey do am but no use proudness,
(Ajeh this one na when i enter street i sabi am)

Somto wo ilo kaibo kaibo
(No gookk am o e fit be spiritual slang)

Stay woke my nigga make you no dey look like gbailo
(Sleep ke, you close eyes for one minute Jago go dey use cutlass pursue me for dream)

No be by age na anybody fit first go
(Inside me and Baba we go see who go lass)

Me:
You sure say make i cut am?

Baba:
cut am do am fast.

Okay o i shot at him. Then Axe gone up, then. Down!! Blood on my hands, i no foor, shebi e dey baba leg too. The cry no be here. Them i watched as Baba thrpugh the pain, pounded and meshed his own feet together and made me a soap. He did so with the help of his assistant and i knew i was not alone. I collect soap commot for coven like say i noor send. A week later, Baba called me and this time on the phone, he spoke with humility and was sounding very humble on the other end. He sha one see me. I visited his coven again and this time i could see how his feet had started to decay just like mine and that was okay for me as long as we both faved the same issue. Before now, i had been wondering why he suddenly started speaking to me with respect and in a gentle and kind manner unlike how he ordered me around by barking orders from the gods at me in person or while i was talking on the phone.

I got to Baba’s coven and after all the pleasantries we exchanged, baba del to his knees and begged me, he said he forgave that i cut his feet bit he wanted me to agree to liberate him from my ritual scheme. As i was the one who wanted money through rituals and not him and as things stood, whatever punishment the gods meted out to me would be meted out to him.

dodoatirice:
Short Update:


Another month Passed then Baba asked me to come make him cut meat for my body take appease . Appease wetin? The one wey you do for my leg still dey there you still wan cut meat. I argued this with Baba back and forth and he told me there was a way out and that involved having to cut a relative’s feet or anyone that i had a connection to. Only that as soon as we used the persons feet, they’d dry up and die. And that i had just 3 days to find a solution. That one loud o. At the end of three days i went to his coven in a bid to plead for more time.. but i met Baba, he was sleeping in his hut. I was going to leave when I remembered what he said. Anyone i had a connection with. I took the axe he used to severe my feet on two occasions, lifted it off and in one full swing. I had severed Baba’s feet. He woke up with a start howling around in pain.

Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh! Baba let out a piercing scream that If i wanted to exaggerate I’d say it shook the entire coven from foundation to roof. Them more shouts of Yeeeeeeeeeh yeeeeeeeeeh yeeeeeeeeeh ori mi ooo. Ese mi ese mi ese mi. (My foot my foot my foot) then Baba’s assistant came rushing in and saeeing the blood and the horror, them the boy lunged his bude forward in a bit to hit me, me wey i don run street, i ducked his blow and i beat him like (you wey i don dey find before). Lass lass, Baba passout from the bleeding. So the werey noor fit take wetin he dey do pesin. Small cut hin don jonze. Ma there we dey. I made his assistant revive him after he received the bout of beating from me. As Baba wake up, i don summon mind, i was ready for him. In a calabash i had his severed toes in it. In another, just like he always did, i had drained a portion of his blood and waited. As Baba come wake up wey i think say all the demons go kill me or deal with me that night, na so Baba humble. He noor talk, he noor shout, e noor even ask me why i cut him fit. He gave me the “you were able to get to me because i loosegaurd stance/ posture.

Baba kept looking at me then he spoke:

Baba:
In pains (obviously the cut feet)
Who teach you, who tell you say you go fit use me

Me:
Baba na as per wetin you tell me (at this junction i still wasn’t sure or didn’t know his intentions.

Baba:
Wetin i do you.

Me: (getting very confident now)
You don run me so many things o and this last one he hard small for me and i no know wetin enter me. Norr vex shebi i don cut am, oya do soap for me fest make we come talk later.

Baba:
Bursts into tears ( i swear he cried for close to 40 minutes and mucus had a filled day on his face)
You go need cut the other feet.

Baba asked me to cut the other feet as it had to be done and it was dangerous for him if I didn’t. At this point, i knew i had Baba and his Gods by their Balls.

Short Update:


Another month Passed then Baba asked me to come make him cut meat for my body take appease . Appease wetin? The one wey you do for my leg still dey there you still wan cut meat. I argued this with Baba back and forth and he told me there was a way out and that involved having to cut a relative’s feet or anyone that i had a connection to. Only that as soon as we used the persons feet, they’d dry up and die. And that i had just 3 days to find a solution. That one loud o. At the end of three days i went to his coven in a bid to plead for more time.. but i met Baba, he was sleeping in his hut. I was going to leave when I remembered what he said. Anyone i had a connection with. I took the axe he used to severe my feet on two occasions, lifted it off and in one full swing. I had severed Baba’s feet. He woke up with a start howling around in pain.

Saga!

dodoatiricetwo:
E dorn drop. Good evening our people.

https://www.nairaland.com/6899713/chronicles-pastor-ordained-himself

Goodluck my pikin
Be steady oooo

Post plenty

The night wey i chop that aseje ehn, i reach house, cold come dey catch me.. that my feet area come
Dey scratch me. Na so i commot my designer socks check the wound o. E be like say maggot and magot do hadcore come borm many pikin. The socks wey i commot ehn, maggot dey crawl come outside for inside. I come de scratch am i dey scratch am scratch am sotey na only me come tire. As i dey scratch am, e dey sweet me, maggot dey fall the more i scratched the more maggots creeped out and the more sweet it was but slowly i found out i was scratching away deep into the wound, open new areas around the previous cuts and drawing out black blood. Blood with a very foul smell. I wake up next morning say make i sheet na hin i see money for inside my bathtub plenty money. Money wey be say i go use buy that Bentayga e go still remain. Na so i begin dey pack the dollar notes that you know as e dey be i begin pack am dey load am shit sef no do me again. I pack dollar sotey water commot for my eye. I dey look the money the money dey look me but my heart dey for my mouth.

More designer socks, more flip flops, a mountain of shea butter in my abode i was good to go. This night, mo ma ba owo je. Wetin come make me depressed be say, when i start to dey change the money to naira, he come dey plenty because our currency weak. E get one day wey i jusr dey my own dey chill na hin Baba call me say make i go spray plenty money make people pick. I noor even waste time. I carry one million enter street, go like 6 different areas, i pray money, i make am rain, people pick, as i enter house, inside my sitting rooom, money don full everywhere. Baba kuku kill me like say person enter there come detonate money bomb!

I had peace of mind for just a while and that was it, soap finish. Time for renewal. I enter moto dey go coven jeje, my mind ran into thoughts . I didn’t kow what to expect at all. Omo in my head, i kept it somewhere that if Baba dared asked me for more personal body parts, i go run am street. Me wey be say that morning, because say i lnow say na day of reckoning my boy no just calm down. E just dey do me like say make i beat person papa.. as i dey drive dey go through Lagos, all those rickety bus drivers wey noor dey geh respect for big car i dey wyn down at intervals dey shout gii them say if dem use their pangolo touch my ride, i go run dem street. I didn’t even care their replies back in respect to my road/drive threat. People for inside the bus sef dey look me dey fforr. Bit for this life na where your own money stop na hin another nigga own start. Shebi ma Benz me i dey maneuver for road wey i dey feel like king. They shout give people anyhow. Na so i jam traffic, i drove past something that caught my eye. I could see it in my rear view mirror now and how i managed to not see it but until after i had driven past it beats me. I white Bentley Bentayga fish like car adorned and sat there beautifully on the road, smooth ride, looked bold and had pride. (I want make una try observe something for moto: Na car wey big dey get pride) ( the only rode wey i know wey be poor man car but na evergreen na the toyota Spider aka camry muscle) in the game, we call it graduate trainee ride. That car dey always get joy as e small and cheap reach. (Observe it. The muscle camry spider 20whatever to 2010 they always smile). That ride dey always smile observe the front wella. If you saw it coming from ahead, na so he go dey shine teeth for you wey dey observe. But back to the Bentayga i saw.. hmmn sweet ride i thought to myself. Some three hundred millions or thereabouts. Omo the Corolla sport Wey park for the back of this ride give am space well well. When dem noor be mate. Werin come burst ma bubke be say, na woman drive am. Come pack kids put full the back. From my observation, the pikin dem dey run riot inside the ride and the woman dey try settle the small issue between the kid in the front and probably one of the kids that were acting goofy in the back seat. Damn!

Till i commot reach Coven, the ride just dey my mind. See werey oo. I never know wetin i go drop for new soap, devil come dey use Bentley dey toast me. Ajeh, i was telling myself i could afford it. I even enter coven forget myself dey reason Baba about the car when i come realize say he noor even understand. I sat with Baba and listened attentively tohis tales about making another soap. Thank Devil, nothing personal was requested except eat the normal aseeje (spiritual food) and going back home. The aseje was I won’t say easy one but here, Baba had me pay for a white pregnant lamb, he killed it and killed the foetus. He’d disect the foetus which contained two almost fully formed lamb, he removed the heart of all three, and had me swallow that fresh. Then he preceded to make stew with the meat the meat plenty die. I removed the head of the three lamb as mentioned and had me eat it. He made sure i ate all the meat visible on the Skul of the lamb took the bone and threw it back in the stew and he told me to go he’d take care of the rest. His intel was to make this a party in my absence. i left and a party in that locality endued. Country hard abeg, the locals will always come with their bowl!

Lets move the ministry forward today, Good morning Niggars and Nigress

OG’s and Ogress

Then the normal people!

I hail una too

gstelly:
Dodoatirice

Sir

samuel19222:
I greet you dodoatirice and all the og's for here, bros this ur tory na eye opener ooo

Hustle get as e be now, everywhere just tight, I hustle hustle drop over seven address for check but I no see one chop, no be say loader no good but e just get as e be, some og na only one address make dem gbera.

I been dey reason say make I cross border enter benin rep, go run better Otumokpo

But as e be now, I wan calm down huste

Just calm bro, one day one day, you shiii go sup.

A dry morsel?

But my i just paid ten percent into this calabash and it wasn’t there anymore. My soul and my creator wanted ten percent because of the way i used my body, now i was feeling the pangs of wealth amd paying the evr costly sacrifice so to say. If the pot had appeared filled to the brim, I’d have died untimely. But since it showed up the way it did and paying the tithe like payment. It was more like buying me more time in the long run. That one day, na so Armstrong sef pai the year wey me i start to dey pick. Nigha don first go porthacourt go flex wey be say him and the bike man wey e carry get accident for highway, dude waka commot for the accident no problem, even bike man safe. Na only the bike no safe. Bike wey be say na installment the baba dey take manage dey feed family. Na so nigga buy another bike, brand new give the Baba. He loosegaurded that even and saw it as a normal thing and in time came back to Lagos. This was a dide that his birthday was some weeks away, he’d completed his house, but stil lived on rent. Dude pay for Lexus say make dem carry am come on the morning of him birthday life still dey go dey sweet. 3 days to this nigga birthday na so the lappy wey e dey use get small issue na so hin decide say na computer village waka be that. Funny thing, for the first time ever, him girlfriend follow am do the waka say make dem play love go repair the guy laptop for computer village come back. Na commot e commot for house, na computer village dem talk say dem dey waka go, but dem noor reach village. (Please when you’re traveling interstate and you board a rickety bus, avoid the front seat at all costs. If you must insist on sitting in the front beside the driver, inspect and be sure that the seat belts are working and not just something wey be say driver go talk say make you sitdown ontop because of vio or lastma. The front seat in every Lagos rickety old buses are death traps. Any old rickety bus plying intestate too. And if you sit in a bus, at the front and the driver asked you to used the sear belt by seating on it or you sidown finish come discover say seat belt no function, you’re fully dead truth be told! Bus wey no get airbag, people go even dey book space down for front, no be for anything, but poverty, dey don’t have cars but that death trap gives them the best view of the road and the luxury of sitting and not having to squeeze in between other passengers in the bus. Na still poverty dey do you and that poverty wey dey do you, if e happen finish… make i noor talk. Armstrong and his girl sat in the front bus failed on its break, crashed into an abandoned container by the side of the road,


Casualties 26
Recorded deaths 2

Jaylynn:
MY CHRISEVE VISITOR

©Jessica Duru

I sat thinking of when my next job would come. I’d just been sacked with no reason given or even a hint. It was a big blow but it seemed God wanted it to be… else it wouldn’t have happened.

I dreaded the words that kept ringing like it was never going to stop—you’re fired!

All I could hear.

While sipping the hot cocoa I had made for that evening, I tried to separate myself from the voice but it kept coming.

Letting out a groan I knew was that of frustration, I sipped my cocoa again and brought the mug down at the sound of the doorbell. “Who’s there?” I stood up as my ears captured the sound.

“P-please—p-please. Please let me in.” it was a female voice. An angelic one as at that.

I rushed to open the door, seeing a teenager, yay high, shaky and half terrified, from my observation, smiling faintly at me with hands and feet trembling; I quickly let her in, ushering her to the sofa, as she sat, getting ahold of my cocoa like she owned it, gulping it down in seconds.

Burp—

Ooh—I smiled deep down, seeing how cute she looked, though it was unmannerly belching in such way.

She asked for my name and I told her.

“Jacob—”

She smiled.

She seemed pretty shy. Well, that made me love her even more.

Love? I grinned like an idiot, uncertain about what it was. Could it be?

Her voice rolled in. “Are you alone?”

It sounded weird hearing her ask. “Yes,” I gave a short reply. “Is there something you’d like?” I went further to ask.

She seemed interested staring at me. Her eyes could almost make holes on me if they were given a chance.

I couldn’t help blushing—of course men do blush. Who was this girl, and what was her motive here? she looked strange.

She wasn’t one of the neighbourhood kids, that I was certain about. Who was she? I couldn’t help voicing out my thoughts. “Who are you?”

Her lips curved halfway. “Why so inquisitive?” she asked, first time not being shy.

“I told you mine, didn’t I?”

She gave a chuckle, a blush coating her cheeks. “Can I have a glass of water, please?”

“Huh?”

She repeated, “A glass of water, Sir?”

I frowned, relaxing my face again.

Making for the refrigerator, I got out a bottle and shut it back. I walked back to where the girl was, handing her the bottle as I watched her open it and take the content in.

I was surprised at how fast she drank it all. Poor thing. She must have been really thirsty—or worse.

“Abigail—”

“Hm?”

“Abigail—”

The sound of her name got chills up my spine.

Her voice sounded cold—

Unusual—

I didn’t like the feeling. It seemed as though there was something hidden. Something I needed to know—

“Jake?”

“Oh no!”

“What’s no?” Abigail looked at me. “You gotta hide. You gotta…”

She disappeared as I froze.

“Jake!”

“M-Miranda…”

“What in the world took you so long?”

I gave no answer.

“Hm. I thought I heard you talking with someone?”

I brought my lips together and forced them to spread giving a not so genuine smile. “What are you doing here?”

She took off her jacket. “What am I…?”

“I mean… how are you here?” I tried not to sound nervous. The thought of Abigail being a ghost still shook me. I couldn’t tell my girlfriend all about it. She’d freak out.

“You smell cheap,” she sniffed in my direction. The living room really had this smell I found hard pointing.

“So, um, how did you get here in the snow?”

She replied, “Oh, Jake darling. You know I’d do anything just to see you.” she giggled and moved towards me.




Deck the halls with boughs of holly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

‘Tis the season to be jolly

Fa la la la la, la la la la

Don we now our gay…

“Hi ya!”

“Abigail?” I couldn’t believe she was standing right next to me.

She smiled in her usual way, not feeling shy like before, as I asked her what she was doing here.

“I came to see you. Missed ya!” she rubbed my arm as she said. She looked jolly unlike before. I was loving the mood. Are you really a ghost—I made to ask—but stopped. It was crystal clear that she was one. Didn’t need a seer telling me.

Or anyone!

I wanted to ask why she chose to see me that day but my mind wasn’t letting me. There must be a reason, I thought. Although I was happy seeing her, I was a bit scared.

“Mm-hmm.” I cleared my throat and spoke: “You’re cheery today. What’s the secret?”

She looked at me. “I am?”

I smiled. “You are.”

She giggled and rubbed my arm again. “I just love the sweet smell of Christmas.”

I watched a sinister smile appear.

“What’s with that?”

She got her lips back to normal.

I didn’t bother asking further as she said it was nothing. The choristers finished and the priest took over as she got up.

“Where are you going?” I whispered but she walked, unheard. “Come back,” the people seated beside me were looking at me as though as I was one weirdo. “Heh!” I laughed and relaxed again. Where is she going? I watched as she moved to the priest’s side. I was curious to know what was it she wanted to do. If she was really a ghost like my mind had made known, how was I able to feel her? ​I couldn’t understand how.

​Watching her fingers click, the priest dropped dead right before my eyes.

​The whole congregation was plunged into chaos. “Somebody call 911!” everyone was running helter-skelter

​I could do nothing but watch, clamped to the spot.

​No one could see her but me.

​Turning around like one who was in a runway show, she was out of sight.

​“What have I done? What was I thinking?” My mind wasn’t at ease. Abigail was not just a ghost. She was a murderer!

​No—




​“Hi ya!”

​“Who are you?” I was seated in my living room when she came. My mind kept replaying what had happened in the church. St Andrews church was shut down as a result. Though temporarily, I doubted people would ever want to go there because of the terror witnessed.

​“What’s your mission?”

​“My, you ask too many questions,” she chuckled, making to sit beside me.

​“What do you want from me?”

​She arched her brows and questioned, “Again with the ‘wh-s’? Why are humans so inquisitive?”

​“Like you weren’t one?”

​She cackled and crossed her legs. “You really want to know who I am?”

​I swallowed at her question.

​“Like I said I’m Abigail,” she tilted her head to the side, looking as though she wanted to study me.

Fuming hard, I made to say—

“Shh—” came rigid, chapped finger on my lips, stopping me.

​“I am Hazel,” she came clean. “Hazel Dardar.”

My jaw dropped open. “You’re joking!”

“But I’m not,”

“You’re not Hazel, are you?”

“Why, of course I am.”

I was bewildered.

Hazel Dardar was a character in the book I used to read when I was nine.

THE SLAYER QUEEN—

Hashtag Hazel Dardar!

How can a fictional character be much real?

Hazel wasn’t a ghost.

She was…

“HAZEL DARDAR!”

My mind was read perfectly.

“Hazel?” I called. “Hazel?!” I called again to be sure.

Spreading her arms, she said, “The one and only.” She smirked.

I found it hard believing. If she was really Hazel, how—I was knocked out immediately.




×××××

“Wakey wakey,”

“Mm… where am I?” My head hurt real bad.

Hazel was staring at me. She had this creepy face, making her look like a clown—a female clown!

She was just as the author had described.

Clown face—

Ponytails—

She was malevolent, though my favourite story villain.

In the novel, Hazel had died from a terrible plague. Having been abandoned by the people she loved, she grew cold and cursed all men. Just before she died, she swore never to let them rest. And as she did, she took her final breath—

“Oh, you’re really going to love this,”

“Love?” I muttered weakly. “Where am I?”

“Nowhere you should be concerned about.”

“What do you want with me?”

“Oh, quit it already,” she said.

“What’s that smell?” I coughed hard, almost choking.

“Death’s smelly feet.” Her sarcastic reply sent shivers.

I knew I was going to die. Hazel meant trouble!

“Release me!” I demanded. “I demand you release me now!”

Her Royal Evilness cackled instead.

Why does she always do that?

“You’re really funny, you know that?”

I smirked. “I’m glad you’re finding my predicament funny.”

“Do you always have to reply?”

“Why are you yet to kill me?”

Miranda’s voice came in at that minute. “Jake—”

“Miranda?”

“Jake—”

“Miranda!”

Hazel continued with her silly cackles.

“Jake? Jake—" Miranda was staring at me. “Jake, what in the world…?”

“Miranda!” I hugged her tight, glad she was there.

“What on earth…?”

“I’m so happy to see you.”

She pulled away. “Thought you were mad at me?”

“Oh, forget it, baby. Mm. Come here!” I hugged her again, not wanting to let go this time.

The doorbell rang, interrupting. Squeezing my face, angry it actually was, I let go of my girlfriend and made to answer it. “Be right back.” I told her and left.

I couldn’t believe I was dreaming all along. Must have fallen asleep on the sofa. My! One hell of a dream that was, I shook my head and opened the door.

“Brownies?”

It was her.

Next please

Rahzy:
Baba I tuale.
'Dangóte trailer take am iron long sleeve'
Baba...if this piece is truly yours and is fiction, Wole Soyinka et al dey trek.
In proper context, considering all...our present educational standard and economy, dem suppose collect that Nobel Peace Prize back take give you.
On a very serious note, you deserve an award. On second thought, na to align with Devil to give you chance. If only Devil dey read. Him sef for hail.
This is really good. Just a little touch. Baba, if you're interested, we could do something together. I mean internationally.
Chimamanda don baff?

I have a proxy whatsapp i can be reached at +1405283276one

the piece is mine and you could tell from the notes on my iphone and even the date stamp each document were created.

Rahzy:
Baba I tuale.
'Dangóte trailer take am iron long sleeve'
Baba...if this piece is truly yours and is fiction, Wole Soyinka et al dey trek.
In proper context, considering all...our present educational standard and economy, dem suppose collect that Nobel Peace Prize back take give you.
On a very serious note, you deserve an award. On second thought, na to align with Devil to give you chance. If only Devil dey read. Him sef for hail.
This is really good. Just a little touch. Baba, if you're interested, we could do something together. I mean internationally.
Chimamanda don baff?

Born2winKingOG:
If we start to play wetin dey happen for the street them go say we dey seek attention.

Too many Rich young gees in the street growing pot belly, bros nor be beer or alcohol

Na wetin them dey chop.

As you dey chop am like so, you dey excrete quite well.

But that level you can never excrete it throway.

Hmmmmn omo that one deep sef. These types sef dey. You go see some niggass, their head big like head of fat rotwiler you ho think say na better food and better living. Think again!!