₦airaland Forum

Two guys are walking down the street when a BABA THIEF approaches them and demands their money. They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash. Just then one guy turns to the other and hands him a bill. "Here’s that 5,673 NAIRA I owe you," he says.

A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can. Three years later, there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says "What the hell was that all about?"

On a passenger flight, the pilot comes over the public address system as usual and to greet the passengers. He tells them at what altitude they’ll be flying, the expected arrival time, and a bit about the weather, and advises them to relax and have a good flight, Then, forgetting to turn off the microphone, he says to his co-pilot, "What would relax me right now is a cup of coffee and a Mouth Gig." All the passengers hear it. As a stewardess immediately begins to run toward the cockpit to tell the pilot of his slip-up, one of the passengers stops her and says "Don’t forget the coffee!"

The President of Nigeria announced that nigeria will not participate in the Summer Olympics, stating: speaking his mexican northern language, "Casi cada uno que puede funcionar, saltar, o la nadada ha salido ya del pams."

Translation: "Pretty much everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already left the country."

FOR GUY

You're the saddest, piss-poor excuse for a man I've ever seen, you chromosome-deficient, uber-impotent, rat-faced tard-popsicle. Celibate, eh? You mean in the closet, right? Or maybe you're a homosexual midget, in which case, you can come out of the cupboard! If you're attractive, Quasimodo is a former Mr. Universe, you full-of-yourself baboon butt-ugly bulbous babbling baffled boob. You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a neo-Nazi, fundamentalist militant Republican-voting mega-asshole scumbag. Smart? Who are you trying to kid? Single-celled organisms out-score you in IQ tests. Stop bullshitting about your height. A fucking circus dwarf is not 'average.' Lying won't get you on the good rides in Disney. Lying about your weight again, eh? Since when did Pregnant Water Buffalo Size become 'Average'? Professional people are like legs: when they get to the top, they become asses. I like that outfit you're wearing. You should hang on to it. It'll probably come back in style some day. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: jump into a raging forest fire.

FOR LADY

Yuk! What a putrid waste of a LADY you are, you humped-back, club-footed, lollipoop lickin' loser. Married, eh? Since when did brother and sister marriages become legal? If you're attractive, Quasimodo is a former Mr. Universe, you full-of-yourself baboon butt-ugly bulbous babbling baffled boob. You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a neo-Nazi, fundamentalist militant Republican-voting mega-asshole scumbag. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. Stop bullshitting about your height. A fucking circus dwarf is not 'average.' Lying won't get you on the good rides in Disney. You scrawny-assed, anorexic African famine victim; if you had dreads, I'd grab you by your ankles and use you to mop the floor. Professional people are like legs: when they get to the top, they become asses. I've seen wounds that were better dressed than you are. Do yourself and everyone else a favor: jump into a raging forest fire.

You couldn't get a date in a whorehouse with a fistful of $20s; even your right hand turns you down. You are quite intelligent, for a gerbil with Downs Syndrome. Lose some weight, you fat Bleep. I bet you have to order your clothes in three sizes: Extra Large, Jumbo, and Oh-My-God-It's-Coming-Towards-Us. If you were paid what you are worth, it would break the minimum wage law. You really should stop buying material for your clothes at curtain sales. I'd tell you to go Bleep yourself and the horse you rode in on, but looking at that stupid grin on your face, I'd say you already have.

If you were ever kidnapped and eaten by a cannibal tribe, they'd all die of high cholesterol, you fat, flabby, fumbling Bleep. You couldn't get a job cleaning shit off a toilet, you utterly useless wrinkled balloon in a muddy puddle of goat's piss. I've seen wounds that were better dressed than you are. I've come across decomposing animal carcasses that are less offensive than you are.

My people?

Is Yar’adua a better President for Nigeria?

i am tired of him myself

sick bonboclar

SOME WOMEN ARE NEVER SATISFY WITH SEX EVEN IF U DO AM FROM TODAY STILL 2MOROW, IMAGINE AFTER 7MINS WHEN HIM HUBBY THROWAY WATER FOR HER BODY, SHE DON RUN COLLECT ANOTHER ONE,

AS TIMAYA TALK AM, CHIE:::CHINEKE MAY?

BANKERS?

CAN I SEND WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM, MONEY TRANSFER TO ABROAD e.g. UK,USA? WITHOUT DOMICILLIARY ACCT

THE FUND IS WITH A FRIEND AND HE NEED TO SEND IT TO SCHOOL IN UK?

JUST AS WE RECEIVED MONEY ABROAD,

PLS ADVISE

BANKERS?

CAN I SEND WESTERN UNION OR MONEY GRAM, MONEY TRANSFER TO ABROAD e.g. UK,USA? WITHOUT DOMICILLIARY ACCT

THE FUND IS WITH A FRIEND AND HE NEED TO SEND IT TO SCHOOL IN UK?

JUST AS WE RECEIVED MONEY ABROAD,

PLS ADVISE

POOF! POOF!

There were three guys in hell. An Italian guy , a bum and a gay guy. One day the devil says to them I'm gonna give you one more chance on Earth, but you can't have your favorite thing. "Italian guy, you can't have any pizza. Bum, you can never shag money again. Gay guy, you can never have sex with another man."

So the devil sends them back to Earth and they wind up in front of a pizza shop. The Italian guy just can't control himself and he runs in and eats a piece of pizza, POOF! Now the gay guy and the bum are walking down the street and the gay guy spots a $100 bill and points it out to the bum. The bum bends over and picks it up with the gay guy behind him and, POOF! POOF!

The Flashing Wife

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell. The wife answers.

"Hi, is Tony home?"

"No, Chris, he went to the store."

"Well, do you mind if I wait?"

"No, come on in."

They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I've ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."

Sara thinks about this for a second and figures, what the hell, a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows him one. He thanks her and promptly throws a hundred bucks on the table.

They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are just so beautiful! I've got to see them both. I'll give you another hundred if I could just see them both together."

Sara say what the hell, opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another hundred bucks on the table and says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves. A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over." Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"

Not Bad For Wood

A man and woman meet in a bar and start to dance. She comments on how the man is a wonderful dancer. He says, not bad for a man with a wooden leg, eh? She says, yeah right, you don't have a wooden leg. Well watch. So he unscrewed his leg and proved it to her. Later, dropping her off at home he kisses her and she say's my you embrace me divinely. He says not bad for a man with a wooden arm, huh? They go inside and play cards with her parents. She say's, my you play a wonderful game of cards. He say's not bad for a guy with a wooden head eh? She say's you don't have a wooden head. He say's come into the next room and I'll show you. The parents waited quite a while but finally look and sure enough he was screwing his head off.

The Nun & The Bus Driver In Adultery

A nun gets on a bus and sits behind the driver. She says to the bus driver she needs someone to talk to. She lives in a convent and wants to experience sex before she dies. The bus driver agrees but the nun explains she can't have sex with a married man because it would be a sin. The bus driver says no problem, he's not married, The nun says she also has to die a virgin, so she has to take it in the ass. The bus driver agrees again and being the only two people on the bus they go in the back and take care of business. When they were done and he had resumed driving the bus driver said, Sister, I have a confession to make, I'm married and have three kid's." The nun replied, "That's O.K. I have a confession too. My name is Bruce and I'm on my way to a costume party.

Bouncing & Blowing

This little boy wakes up 3 nights in a row when he hears a thumping sound coming from his parents room. Finally one morning he goes to his mom and says, "Mommy, every night I hear you and daddy making noises and when I look in your bedroom you're bouncing up and down on him." His mom is taken by surprise and says, "Oh, well, ah, well I'm bouncing on his stomach because he's fat and that makes him thin again." And the boy says, "Well, that won't work!" His mom says, "Why?!?" And the boy replies, "Because the lady next door comes by after you leave each day and blows him back up!"

The Famous Camel Joke

A Captain in the foreign legion was transferred to a desert outpost. On his orientation tour he noticed a very old, seedy looking camel tied out back of the enlisted men's barracks. He asked the Sergeant leading the tour, "What's the camel for?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, it's a long way from anywhere, and the men have natural sexual urges, so when they do, we have the camel." The Captain said "Well, if it's good for morale, then I guess it's all right with me." After he had been at the fort for about 6 months, the Captain could not stand it anymore, so he told his Sergeant, "BRING IN THE CAMEL!!!" The Sarge shrugged his shoulders and led the camel into the Captain's quarters. The Captain got a foot stool and proceeded to have vigorous sex with the camel. As he stepped, satisfied, down from the stool and was buttoning his pants he asked the Sergeant, "Is that how the enlisted men do it?" The Sergeant replied, "Well sir, they usually just use it to ride into town."

Sexy Golf Lessons

A husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons. The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, "you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast. "The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson. The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife." Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis." The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says. "Now, take the club out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.

Deaf People Signaling For Sex

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution. "Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time." The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis, fifty times."

What Different Woman Say After Sex

Hooker asks: "Well sweetheart, did you get your money's worth?"

Mistress; "Darling, did you enjoy that as much as I did?"

Wife; "Beige, beige, I think I'll paint the ceiling Beige."

The Drunk Guy Who Wants That Jar Of Money

A drunk guy walks into a bar and he sees a jar of money he asks the bar keeper if he could have it. She said yea if you can do these three things. He said o.k. She said the first one is to knock her boyfriend a body builder down and she said there's a dog pit-bull in the back with a bad tooth you have to pull it and there's a 600 pound girl upstairs you have to do her he says O.K so he goes over to the body builder and lays him flat first punch then he walks out the back door the bar tender hears the dog yelping then he comes inside and asks the bartender where's the lady with the bad tooth.

BUY NIZORA TABLETS, IT ABOUT 750 OR 800NAIRA OR 1000NAIRA DEPENDING ON THE AREA,



PLUS BLOOD PURIFIER,

WAIT FOR 5 DAYS, 2 TABLET PER DAY WITH BLOOD PURIFIER, UR SKIN GO GO CLEAN AGAIN, FREE FROM ECZYMA

ben20001, no b ur fault, na ur pikin dey help u type to say ur mind, u sidon by him side there dey learn from ur pikin, grandpa,

i for finish u 1st poster

common word for joke section, lol, lola, u drunk?

na joke section b dis, no b life experience, u even know the meaning?

ben20000000001, this joke is not for kids, it is for 18yrs n above

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

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Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"
=================================

Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" The dad answered, " Your mom".

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."

A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?" Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"
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Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Johnny "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third sucking the cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking."
============================

Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted men. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person. "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want him very badly." So Little Johnny asked, "Why the Bleep didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"

======================================
The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?"

Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse."

"That's very nice," said the teacher," Robert, what do your parents do?"

Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!"

"That's very nice," said the teacher ,"Johnny, what do your parents do?"

He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a LovePeddler." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. 15 minutes later, he returned.

"Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."
=========================================

It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go." Johnny was MAD.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go." Johnny was even MADDER than before.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go." Johnny was BOILING MAD.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut." The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"

=======================================================
Little Johnny is sitting, being his cool self in the local park. Along comes Suzi chomping on her piece of gum. "Hey Johnny, wanna play doctor?"

Johnny lets out a puff of smoke, "Nah, that's too old fashioned." Johnny takes another drag, "Spit out your gum, I wanna play President."
====================================

Teacher: "Johnny, give me a sentence starting with 'I'"

Little Johnny: "I is, "

Teacher: "No, Little Johnny. Always say 'I am.'"

Little Johnny: "All right. I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
=================================

Little Johnny’s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said "My Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect".

"Great." said the teacher. Michael got up and said "My Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife". "Good." said the teacher. Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute". Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "You mean she is a Prostitute."

"No." Said Johnny, "My Sister, she is the Prostitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."

for a tall working class sexy guy

What a putrid putrid waste of a penis you are, you ridiculous little mascara face-painted Jerk-In-The-Box. You couldn't get a date if you bought them dried in a tin, you under-medicated, rump-ruptured chronic self-abuser. You're the kind of greasy, giggling, girly gombeen who buys STDs from a viral lab just to make it look like you get laid. Who the hell told you that you are attractive? Mr. Magoo? You're the kind pathological liar who even lies to an insult generator. You're a politically vacillating phony liberal Bleep; too damn broadminded to take your own side in a debate. You four-eyed, cerebrally-deluded, Einstein-impersonating, pseudo-intellectual nerdturd with a head full of misfiring synapses. How come you're so tall? Did your mother mate with a giraffe? Your weight may well be proportional, but you've got cellulite that makes sumo wrestlers look anorexic. Professional, my ass. You couldn't win a cigar after giving birth in a tobacco field in Havana, you clueless, uber-incompetent fuckwit. That's a sexy outfit you're wearing. Who shot the couch? I'm not really good with fools, but a friend who is wrote something down for me; Oh, yeah, "Bleep off." May you live a long life and be the butt of many jokes to come.

There were women waiting in a doctor's office.

They started talking and one women said, "I'm going to have a girl because I was on the bottom last time and I had a girl. I was on the bottom again this time so I'm going to have another girl."

One of the other ladies said, "I'm going to have a boy, I was on the top."

The last lady started to cry.
The two other ladies asked, "Why are you crying?"
She replied, "I'm going to have puppies!!!" I DID DOGGY SHOOT

Man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a huge hole in my ass"

The doctors says "drop your pants, bend over and let have a look".

"Bleep me!!" says the doctor " what could have made a hole as big as that?"

Patient replies I've been bleeped by an elephant".

The doctor says "An elephants penis is long and thin, this hole is enormous".

Patient replies "He fingered me first".

Two tramps were walking along the railroad tracks one day and one tramp said to the other, "I'm the luckiest guy in the world".

"Why is that?" said the other tramp.

"Well, I was walking down these tracks last week and I found a £20. I went into town and bought a case of wine and was drunk for three days."

The other tramp said, "That was pretty good, but I think I'm the luckiest guy in the world. I was walking down these very tracks about two weeks ago, and just up ahead was a gorgeous naked woman tied to the tracks. I untied her and took her up there in the trees and I had sex with her for two days."

"Jesus", said the first tramp. "You are the luckiest guy; did you get a Mouth Action, too?"

"Well", the other tramp said, "No, I never found her head."

Q. What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
A. Yell at her.

Q. What's the difference between MouthAction and anal sex?
A. MouthAction makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.

Q. What do women and police cars have in common?
A. They both make a lot of noise to let you know they are coming.

Q. Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
A. So they don't whistle on the way down.

Q. Why did the woman cross the road?
A. Never mind that, what the Bleep is she doing out of the kitchen?

Q. Why do women have 2% more brains then a cow?
A. So, when you pull their tits they won't shit on the floor.

Q. Why can't women read maps?
A. Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Q. What's a virgin and a balloon have in common ?
A. All it takes is one prick and its all over.

Q. What's the difference between your wife and your job?
A. After five years your job will still suck.

Q. What do you get when you cross a rooster and peanut butter?
A. A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth.

Q. Why did God create alcohol?
A. So ugly people would have a chance to have sex.

Q. What is it when a man talks dirty to a woman?
A. Sexual harassment.

Q. What is it when a woman talks dirty to a man?
A. $3.99 a minute.

Q. Why do women prefer old gynecologists?
A. Their shaky hands!

Q. What is better than a cold Bud?
A. A warm bush.

Q. What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
A. Slow down and use some lubricant.

Q. Why are women like Kentucky Fried Chicken?
A. After you've finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Q. What does a bull do to stay warm on a bitterly cold day?
A. He goes into the barn and slips into a nice warm "Jersey"

Q. What do you call an open can of tuna in a lesbians apartment?
A. Potpourri

IF U HAVE DREADS.,, MEANING U HAVE COMPANY OF UR OWN

U CANT WORKIN CORPORATE COMPANY WITH DREADS,