₦airaland Forum

Ponoba Medical Consult (PMC) in conjunction with the council of chiefs and other stakeholders in Bille Kingdom are celebrating this year's World Health Day today, 7th April.

This partnership hasl seen the rendering of health talk on diabetes, followed by free blood sugar tests, and other anciliary services such as free blood pressure checks, free dental checks, free antimalarial drugs distribution, free distribution of Long Lasting Insecticide Treated Nets, and condoms to an estimated population of 2,000 persons within Bille Kingdom.

This measure has become imperative considering the global rise in the prevalence of diabetes and other non-communicable diseases especially in low and medium income countries like Nigeria. It is hoped that this program will awaken the collective responsibilities of individuals, government and non-governmental bodies to join the global fight against diabetes.

Below are some pictures of this august event.

Live pictures from today's World Health Day in Bille Kingdom, Rivers State spearheaded by a Nairalander and stakeholders of Bille.

The WHO stated that 40,815 Nigerians died as a result of diabetes in 2015. Today gave us an opportunity to begin the fight to Beat Diabetes.

Activities included:
1. Health Talk on Beating Diabetes (WHO's Theme of 2016 World Health Day)
2. Free blood sugar tests
3. Free blood pressure checks
4. Free antimalarials etc

Together we can defeat diabetes. Take action!!

bayulll011:
When you say not osun state what's the meaning of that?,I won't criticize your new policy,it is true that you need money to run your hospital,no light,no water and other amenities,I understand you perfectly well Doc,but in ur write up I can see a tone of regret somewhere,knowing fully well that you can save the life of that woman and you let it passed,I won't judge you typical human being.

Doc how do you feel when that woman died,you feel rejected I can say,you realise that woman has gone to journey of no return,she's dead and never coming back again,one way or the other you have contributed to her early departures from this pathetic sinful world.

Doc do u know that this can stand against you,when you think you ve have done all the good things in life,live a wonderful life,happy and fulfilled destiny,then when you died and there is something like this stood on your way to paradise,forgive me if am too religious.

Doc do u know that simply stabilizer would have save you the guilty conscience you are passing through now,stabilize next victims when you know they can't pay and then send them to government hospital,by this simple actions you are free of all guilt and heaven will gladly reward you.

Finally Doc,did you goverment ? Lol don't make me laugh,since when did government of this nations shows they are responsible? Forget government this sets of leaders we have are not human,they will not help us in this nation,we are the one who will help ourselves,Enough said doc you know what to do

My guy, to stabilise a patient requires medical consumables. These consumables did they fall from the sky? No! This doctor have had 17 patients in the wards at various times . None have fulfilled there financial obligation, should he keep rendering services and hope dat d money will fall from heaven?

The woman in question was already in a critical situation. If this doctor had taken her in her chances of survival in my opinion was still slim. For her to have died a few blocks away from the hospital buttresses my argument. A doctor by training knows to an appreciable degree a patient's chances of survival on presentation.

Your attempt to subtly blame this doctor is ill conceived. This woman might have survived at the first instance of bleeding if she had gone straight to the hospital. Most times Nigerians will resort to all manner of unorthodox practices to curtail an infirmity. It's only when they have exhausted these means dat they remember hospital. They come in bad conditions and expect doctors to do miracles. A young girl died at the clinic sometime in January. Prior to presentation she was kept in a certain prayer house for over two weeks. The very best of drugs where deployed to salvage the situation to no avail. When she died, people started making accusations dat we didn't do enough.

So my guy I do not blame this doctor one bit for dat woman's death. Dat he even made an attempt to resuscitate her despite d fact dat he had referred her is commendable. He has a large heart. I have the opportunity to work with different doctors and I must say this doctor is an exceptional one. You should turn your molarity ramblings towards the government who have failed to recognise the importance of the Health sector and doctors in particular.

staymore:
Ur story reminds me how wicked some of you doctors are, that was how my wife lost her eight months pregnancy in 2014 and if not God's intervention I would have lost my wife too, stop judging everyone with another persons mistake. Money wasn't a problem at all in my case, When the emergency occurred we rushed into the private clinic but the doc asked us to go back to where she registered, we begged and I was ready to deposit any amount but he refused.

I lost my baby because it took us about 30minutes to get to another one.

I hate to remember it, but God will not forgive that doctor.

My brother, sorry about your loss. However, could it be that the said doctor didn't have the required skill to manage your wife on presentation? Could it be that the said was obviously exhausted or had some form of emotional disturbances that could have interfered with the quality of care your wife needed? Doctors are trained. Their eyes, hands, ears and every other senses are trained. Could it be that doctor knew that this is a bad case and it would be better she been seen by her 'main' doctor?

Am not trying to make excuses for a colleague. Am only trying to paint a different scenario. Nurses, and patients relatives maybe sympathetic. Doctors are not. They are empathic. The nurses may have felt sympathy for your but it's against Medical ethics for a doctor to do same. One of the best piece of advice I received earlier on in my career was from a senior colleague. He told me a good doctor isn't d one that knows how to prescribe drugs. Rather, it's the one dat knows when to call for help. Dat advice has saved many a time.

So my brother, kindly forgive whatever wrong you felt this doctor did you. At times we need to be in people's shoes to know how it feels in certain circumstances. God has been gracious to you. Your wife is alive and you have kids now. Why don't you let go of the ill feelings?

Leopantro:
For how long will you be father Christmas. Note that even in America, that places health on a high level, you must pay if you are not in insurance. If you can't pay, they would stabilize you and bounce you. You have a family to take care of and bills to pay.

As for religion, a girl has tetanus and was taken to a church were she s was told it was evil spirits. During the prayer session her two hands were broken. When the spirit refused to leave they referred her to our hospital. First was a down payment before admission and at the end of treatment, we also charged for her stupidity ( a graduate)

My brother I suffered a terrible loss early in life. I lost my mum at 7. That in part informed my decision to be a doctor. I vowed never to see someone hurt the way I did and still do as long as its within my power. I remain committed to the vowed I made as an innocent child.

However, d way patients and their relatives go about this issue of bills settlement of has been discouraging. You can't compare the Health system in the US with dat of Nigeria. Ours is terribly pathetic. Besides majority of our people live below the poverty line. Ironically, the poor are the worse hit in matters of Health.

I believe doctors should continue to uphold the sanctity of human life. However, all efforts should be made to recoup monies owed. Recently, I mentally strengthened my resolve dat no patient leaves the clinic until they have cleared their bills. Implementation hasn't been be easy but I have recorded a certain degree of success.

More importantly I have shifted focus from curative measures to Preventive measures. I believe disease prevention through health education and promotion has been grossly neglected by doctors. I now send weekly health tips some family, friends and other associates via different channels of communication. Am equally focusing on using WHO'S recognised health or health related days to promote well being. I know it's tasking to combine routine practice and this but determination and passion has been helpful.

I strongly believe dat if government can partner with doctors at all levels to place emphasis on disease prevention through health education and promotion some of the life threatening conditions we witness in our health facilities will naturally drop. It's my opinion that every doctor in his own little way try to educate his patients and others he comes in contact with on the need to be health conscious.

My noble colleague I feel your pain. It's a reoccurring decimal in every part of Nigeria. The amount of debt owed my facility last year was staggering. I tried severally to recoup always met with pleas and cries.

It takes a doctor with a heart for humanity such as yours to attend to patients before asking for money. It's rather saddening that these patients and their relatives hardly appreciate or seem to reciprocate your kindness. I managed a case of eclampsia last year. D lady was rushed to d clinic while I was in another city. I abandoned every engagement, rushed back and took charge of the situation. Dat was 7months ago. Till date her people are yet to settle their bills.

D one dat hurts was a woman whose child was admitted in a critical condition. After painstakingly taking care of this child. The mother turned around to abuse my workers and vowed never to pay her outstanding bills. Dat was 5 months ago. Till date am yet to c a dime. D list is endless.

Dats why when people bash doctors anyhow I only laugh at their foolishness. They don't know the pains, sacrifice, sleepless nights and inconveniences you endure to see dat another of God's creature recover from whatever malady dat befell dem. The life of a doctor revolves around people. His/her patients.

The failure of society, by dat I mean government, religious organisations, and media to appreciate health is one of the reasons doctors seem to turn the blind eye. The government cares less about the Health and health needs of the citizenry. Primary health care is virtually absent in this country. And where it exists, under funding is a major issue. Religious organisations have taken it upon demselves to play God with people's health. A pregnant woman almost lost her baby simply because her supposed bishop kicked against cesarean section. My boss was helpless. It took wisdom for me to convince her before she accepted. Baby survived was referred to see a neonatologist!

The media seem to glamorise the quackery of herbal practitioners. A day doesn't go by without seeing these evil people on television programs advertising there fake herbs. A woman once came with a gallon of concoction to see me at the clinic. She told me one of these herbal doctors gave her to enable her conceive a boy cos her husband and his people her on her neck. This woman was supposedly educated. I laughed at her folly and counsel her right. Today she's a proud mother of two boys. I believe the media need to downgrade the publicity given these wolves in sheep clothing.

To my noble colleague and all doctors let's continue to be guided by the physician's oath we took. It's a calling. However, let's put measures in place to recoup every penny expended on our patients. It has been my belief that human life comes first. I will continue to uphold the sanctity of human life. And I pray that government, religious organisations, the media and indeed every one join hands in building a health nation. Health is wealth.

Easter is in a couple of days. Another public holiday beckons. Many have activities lined up, others prefer a ,quiet time'.
Irrespective of your thoughts on and preparations for easter. One thing stands out, its a season dedicated to reflect on the sacrifice of the greatest teacher of love - JESUS CHRIST!

Jesus Christ, more than anyone else in recorded history did not only preach love and tolerance, He lived both. He sacrificed His life out of love for humanity. He was tolerant of the self righteous religious leaders of His days. He was tolerant even of a condemned criminal on the cross. He was accused wrongly, betrayed, beaten and murdered. In all His moments of persecution and torment he demonstrated love and tolerance.

As I continuously reflect on the Golden Rule, "Do unto others what you would others do unto you", famously stated by Jesus Christ. Am compelled to share this piece on Tolerance by Napoleon Hill of blessed memory. Its my desire that as you 'flow' in the waves and tides of easter you reflect on Christ's life and that of other avatars who have shown that love and tolerance is all humanity needs to succeed. Happy Easter in advance.

TOLERANCE! By Napoleon Hill
When the dawn of Intelligence shall have spread its wings over the eastern horizon of progress, and Ignorance and Superstition shall have left their last footprints on the sands of Time, it will be recorded in the book of man’s crimes and mistakes that his most grievous sin was that of Intolerance!The bitterest Intolerance grows out of racial and religious differences of opinion, as the result of early childhood training.

How long, O Master of Human Destinies, until we poor mortals will understand the folly of trying to destroy one another because of dogmas and creeds and other superficial matters over which we do not agree? Our allotted time on this earth is but a fleeting moment , at most !
Like a candle, we are lighted, shine for a moment and flicker out! Why can we not so live during this short earthly sojourn that when the Great
Caravan called Death draws up and announces this visit about finished we will be ready to fold our tents, and, like the Arabs of the Desert, silently
follow the Caravan out into the Darkness of the Unknown without fear and trembling?

I am hoping that I will find no Jews or Gentiles, Catholics or Protestants, Germans or Englishmen, Frenchmen or Russians, Blacks or Whites, Reds or Yellows, when I shall have crossed the Bar to the Other Side. I am hoping I will find there only human Souls, Brothers and Sisters all, unmarked by race, creed or color, far I shall want to be done with Intolerance so I may lie down and rest an æon or two, undisturbed
by the strife, ignorance, superstition and petty misunderstandings which mark with chaos and grief this earthly existence.

Adasun:
drfinn hw can i thank u enough for this?


Communication with her for now have seized,bt i do communicate with my bestie.


Do u knw something?it seems they is something drawing us closer.like a heavy force.


Da problem is dat i can't control my self around her.whenever she stared deeply at me,i would just melt.


My defence would just give way.

Cutting contact with both parties is a gud idea bt what about me


I tried to do it but like a reflex or whatever,i will just dialled her number just to hear her voice and dat piss me off.


I can't even reject her call tries.i hate myself so bad right now.

My brother it's a state of mind. You seem powerless because you have refused to exercise your will. Thought are things. The more you think of her the less your resolve to let go. You know very well your actions are immoral. Brace up yourself and act like a real man. Your continued secret romance with this lady will ruin everyone.

You have to severe all ties!! It's never gonna be easy initially. That you tried and failed severally doesnt mean you should quit. It simply mean strengthen your resolve the more . If you don't act fast soonest your friend might start noticing these subtle inappropriate attraction between you and his woman. Emotions will always betray us in some way. Both you of are guilty of emotional infidelity. She's cheating on her man. And your backstabbing a friend. Don't be a Brutus my broda.

In your attempt to severe ties from both parties make new friends. Get busy doing things you had always wanted to do. Spend more time with your family, or other well wishers. This will somewhat occupy your mind with little room for loneliness. The reason you seem unable to break off her spell it's cause of loneliness. Probably your an introvert.

The power to break away from this woman lies within you. No matter the power of the supposed force of attraction you claim to be pulling both of you together there's a far greater force within you to neutralise it. Use it. Stop giving her reasons to hurt your friend. Walk away now. Save your friendship with your pal. Women will come and go. But a brother will always have your back.

OP, run! Run!! And run!! Run from the this lady. Run from your friend. It may be difficult but not impossible. It may be most discomforting but you will keep your friendship for eternity.

Once emotions are involved between members of the opposite sex, it takes more than self control to avoid drinking stolen waters. Remember the forbidden fruit always appears irresistible. Humans crave what they cannot have. Humans never rest until they quench their thirst of sensuous desires.

Your friend trusted you that's why he left his fiancee in your care. Simply put he trusted you with his life! Irrespective of his reasons or fears for doing this he found in you the only trustworthy person to 'confide' in. Reverse the situation and see how it feels.

It's natural the daily interactions between you and your pal's fiancee inflamed your passions. Good that you both exercised considerable self control in overcoming this indecent feelings. These feelings evolved naturally, it wasn't 'forced' hence its gonna linger for awhile. How long it lingers is entirely up to you. That's why I said you should run! That's the quickest way to kill the feelings.

Obviously, there's a crack in your pal's relationship. It's only a matter of time the building collapse. You are the new object of desire. She will stop at nothing to get you. Don't underestimate a woman under the spell of lust. How awful it will look should you be fingered in all this mess! Run! My brother run!!

I counsel you to start a systematic break in communication with your friend and his fiancee! A lot of questions will arise but look at the long-term benefit. Cutting communication with both parties will place less guilt on your shoulders. Anytime your friend runs to you in tears I suppose a part of you feels bad because you know the cause of his cracking relationship.

Keeping your distance will make him man up or run somewhere else for help. It may sound harsh but it's the less of both evils. Severing all forms of communication will gradually erode the feelings you and your pal's fiancee have for each other. Out of sight. Out of mind. It's a tough decision to make but it's necessary to save your neck.

Please let the break in communication be a gradual one. Make it as subtle as you can. If it's convenient relocation might help. Try as much as you can to form 'busy'. This temporary sacrifice might preserve your friendship for eternity. Also, get into a relationship. Once your in one with someone you love, the feelings you and your pal's woman have will gradually die.

Always remember the guy code! Don't ever mess with your neighbour's woman! Never touch your friends wife! There's no excuse. There's no atonement for such a crime. Be wise.

OP, it's natural the way your feeling. Building your life around that special one and watching it all crumble is too devastating a blow to take. Love weakens the strongest, and makes fools of the wisest of men. To move on or to rebuild the broken bridge of your relationship is a decision you have to make.

Firstly, you erred in going through her phone. Your reason of doing it '.. If she's clean' clearly shows a subconscious feeling of insecurity on your part and lack of trust in her. You definitely got what you wanted! Suspicion in all its forms is destructive. Your inability to handle your 'findings' and her sheer guilt has robbed both of you a relationship you both labored to built across miles.

The deed has been done. The bridge has been broken. It's no use crying over spilled milk. It's time to move on. The direction you take is entirely one you have to decide. However, make this journey only after a careful reappraisal of events. Hasty decisions like the one you both made always lead to sorrows, regrets and harm in all its forms.

My advice is for you to reconsider your stance on her. Although there's no justification to tolerate any form of infidelity, however understanding the circumstances that lead to it may help unbiased 'judgement' and quicken the healing process of breakup in the event reconciliation couldn't be achieved. She did wrong succumbing to pressure from her ex. First love or not an ex remains an ex!

Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Once it's broken the relationship is as good as been dead. Rebuilding trust takes time and great maturity. Most times its best to move on than to try rebuilding trust simply because of love or any other emotional stimulus.

Should you decide to give her a second chance. You should seat with her and have a heart to heart talk. Both of you must be open in this regard. Avoid all forms blame. Don't give stringent conditions on how she should relate with her ex less you come off as an unsecured man. Both of you should make a resolve to bury the past and focus on the future. On your part impress it on your mind never to raise up this ugly issue no matter what may happen in the future. You should equally work on developing the qualities of a real man. A little reading here and there will help. Also make it an habit to gradually show her more love, care and attention. Don't rush it. Women love space.
If on the other hand you choose to completely work away then do it gracefully. Don't talk bad of her before anyone. Don't call her names or act in a manner unbecoming of a man toward her. Cut all forms of communications with her until you have healed properly emotionally. Remember there are various stages of grieve/hurts, you must consciously master them to ensure you come out strong. Please don't rush into any other relationship because of loneliness. It's deadly.

It's often said a broken relationship is better than a failed marriage. If there are qualities you find irresistible in her, and your fully convinced you can overcome the past be the man and get your woman back. The antics of her ex will die a natural death. Trust me. There are many women but few wives. If your fully convinced she's the one don't waste any second go get your woman. Thanks.

OP, it's natural the way your feeling. Building your life around that special one and watching it all crumble is too devastating a blow to take. Love weakens the strongest, and makes fools of the wisest of men. To move on or to rebuild the broken bridge of your relationship is a decision you have to make.
Firstly, you erred in going through her phone. Your reason of doing it '.. If she's clean' clearly shows a subconscious feeling of insecurity on your part and lack of trust in her. You definitely got what you wanted! Suspicion in all its forms is destructive. Your inability to handle your 'findings' and her sheer guilt has robbed both of you a relationship you both labored to built across miles.
The deed has been done. The bridge has been broken. It's no use crying over spilled milk. It's time to move on. The direction you take is entirely one you have to decide. However, make this journey only after a careful reappraisal of events. Hasty decisions like the one you both made always lead to sorrows, regrets and harm in all its forms.
My advice is for you to reconsider your stance on her. Although there's no justification to tolerate any form of infidelity, however understanding the circumstances that lead to it may help unbiased 'judgement' and quicken the healing process of breakup in the event reconciliation couldn't be achieved. She did wrong succumbing to pressure from her ex. First love or not an ex remains an ex!
Trust is the foundation of every relationship. Once it's broken the relationship is as good as been dead. Rebuilding trust takes time and great maturity. Most times its best to move on than to try rebuilding trust simply because of love or any other emotional stimulus.
Should you decide to give her a second chance. You should seat with her and have a heart to heart talk. Both of you should make a resolve to bury the past and focus on the future. On your part impress it on your mind never to raise up this ugly issue no matter what may happen in the future. You should equally work on developing the qualities of a real man. A little reading here and there will help. Also make it an habit to gradually show her more love, care and attention. Don't rush it. Women love space.
If on the other hand you choose to completely work away then do it gracefully. Don't talk bad of her before anyone. Don't call her names or act in a manner unbecoming of a man toward her. Cut all forms of communications with her until you have healed properly emotionally. Remember there are various stages of grieve/hurts, you must consciously master them to ensure you come out strong. Please don't rush into any other relationship because of loneliness. It's deadly.
It's often said a broken relationship is better than a failed marriage. If there are qualities you find irresistible in her, and your fully convinced you can overcome the past be the man and get your woman back. The antics of her ex will die a natural death. Trust me. There are many women but few wives. If your fully convinced she's the one don't waste any second go get your woman. Thanks.

Quite funny reading comments on this topic. Personally, am Team Tall, slender (not bony oo... Lol) with a killer dimple *winks *. That's on a lighter note though.

Physical appearance is good, men are visually stimulated beings. However, inner beauty ultimately keeps a man. There are things about us we can't modify, height is one of such. Tall or short, what rocks a man's boat is character. Cultivate it. Cherish it.

OP,don't be worried! Worry has never solved anyone's problem. A state of worry is one of negativity. And where negativity exist the light of reason never shines. You should rather be careful.

Obviously, your boss' wife has developed a sort of affection towards you. This could be due to some factors, her husband may have been speaking good of you, her observations on how you attend to your duty, thereby supporting the actualization of her husband's set goals. It could be tied to your personality or something inexplicable that she finds attractive. It's equally possible she's the loving type that sees nothing but beauty in all of humanity. However, On the downside it maybe immoral like others have rushed to point.

Simply, you need to sit down and ask what about you this woman 'digs'. Some persons personalities are charming and irresistible. You just can't help but love them. If you fall within this rare category, then of no fault of us this woman admires you. However, how you handle this 'unsolicited' affection is what matters.

As a rule never mess with your master's wife or daughter. History is replete with the disastrous consequences. Hence never ever let it cross your mind to 'play along' if indeed her affection towards you is immoral.

From now be more conscious of this display of affection towards you. Is this display only verbal or there's an emerging nonverbal affectation? Is this display when you meet a set target, do some task or irrespective of anything worthy of same? These and others are certain things you should start taking note of.

If from your observations made without evil imaginations you notice they are immoral you might do certain things. One, avoid as much as you could been alone with her. Two, keep your conversation with her brief and formal. Three, you could talk to her in a matured way(Please do number three only when you notice overt verbal/nonverbal sensuous display). Four, should she become unreasonable and intolerable you might consider resignation. It's better to keep your honor than die on the laps of an immoral woman like the biblical Samson. Most importantly of all these ask God for guidance, wisdom and victory. Thanks.

OP,this is a delicate matter that requires maturity,understanding and wisdom in handling. These two women from your post are dear to your heart. Your future and that of your children are closely tied to both. From your post, Your mum's arguments are hinged on two things-beauty, and class. Both in my opinion are ephemeral. However, what does your mother implicitly imply by beauty? is is physical or inner beauty? physical beauty is vain and temporary, inner beauty is virtuous and eternal. In addition, to 'stigmatize' based on social class is to be myopic,selfish and vainglorious. The only constancy in life is change. A man of lower class can ascend the highest of class and vice versa.

My brother, I counsel you like every other person have done to sit with your mum. Firstly, get her to express her fears. Thats all what I see in her supposed rambling about beauty and class. After she's done you can allay her fears. Don't get frustrated or upset if she sticks to her guns. It's a normal thing about human nature to resist change or contrary views. You should avail yourself of every opportunity to get her consent and blessings in your marital life. It's very important. You could also enlist your siblings, your dad or any close relative who wields considerable influence over your mum to help out. I believe mother's have a certain attachment to their sons, and the presence of a woman other than their female child in their son's life is viewed as a potential threat/encroachment of space.

If you are able to extract any tangible reason from your mum as regards your fiancee, you could have a heart to heart talk with her. Please avoid by all means taking sides. I believe by now you know how to relate with your woman. If it's a character flaw,help her overcome it. It's not impossible, though it takes time, patience, continued assurance and mutual understanding. If it's about physical appearance that is amenable you could brush her up. No woman is ugly in my estimation. It all depends on the level of care or attention she gets/receives. Also let her not get petty with your mum. No! Never! It will ruin everything, and further strengthen your mum's negativity. Let her show love for hate. Respect for disdain. Care for neglect. There's no soul so evil that cannot be worn over by love. However, let her not appear obsequious.

Lastly, as a man this is a litmus test for you. If you could unite these two important women in your life, you'll be happy all your days. Please never make rash decisions. Never let anger overshadow your sense of reasoning in this matter. Women can be petty, you know they are emotional beings. A man on the other must maintain his poise, sense of reasoning and vision for tomorrow. I believe committing this matter into the hands of God for wisdom and direction is the best of counsel I proffer. God has never failed those who turned to Him for help. He's faithful. I can only wish you a blissful marriage in the near future with the woman of your dreams, and your caring, loving and supportive mum standing by you both. Thanks.

OP, I read your post with a heavy heart. It's unimaginable the horror and pains you have gone through and still experiencing in the name of marriage. It's a pity your husband has reduced you to this level. But who's to blame? You!
Someone once said no one can let you down without your consent. You consented to the abuses of your husband, hence it became a habit. A norm. And this vicious circle of abuse robbed you of all sense of self. It has affected your psyche. You have come to accept the abuses as a form of love. No wonder outsiders(his mistress and worker) have taken advantage to abuse you as well.

How long should this continue? Will it end someday? Should keep up with the abuses because of your children? What happens should you die in the course of this chronic abuse? Will your husband ever change? These and many more questions can truly be answered only by you. Every bondman in his hand have the power to cancel his captivity. The choice of freedom is yours to make. But remember whether you choose to walk the path to freedom or decide to continue in this abusive marriage either way your right! It's a free world we live in.

My sister, in my candid opinion divorce is the best of options. You need to save yourself and children from this mess. You can't continue to suffer. It's not an easy decision to make but you'll someday be glad you did. Your the daughter of someone, the sister to some siblings. Your parents and siblings may provide a temporary succour while you rebuild your life and if need be seek legal redress. Obviously, you are depressed and before you become suicidal take this bold step and escape to freedom. Life's too short to live misery. Thanks.

OP, I took the liberty of reading your post. And thanks for seeking advice/posting it on this forum for us to learn a lesson or two. I feel your pain. Time heals all wounds, but some scars linger to eternity.

I believe your brother deserve to know the truth. If you don't tell him, someday he may find out. Your parents may be long gone then but you will share in the blame. Keeping such a sensitive matter secret will cause more harm than good.

It's good your parents have forgiven, but the records should be set straight. Your brother has vowed to deal with the family that ruined your family's. Imagine him finding out years later that this same evil family is the one he married into? The trauma can only be imagined.

I believe you should present the matter in a matured way. Don't sound bitter and vengeful, just let him know this is the truth. It's up to him to make his decisions. A lie hidden even for a thousand years will see the light of truth someday.

Finally, I appeal you let go of all bitterness towards this family. It's not easy but you can if you make an effort. Forgiveness is divine. The greatest teacher of love admonished us to practice forgiveness.

NB : I don't really see it as an act of disobedience to your parents telling your brother. Your parents may have forgiven, but you, your brother and other siblings need to equally forgive then. Hence the necessity of telling your brother and other siblings. I believe you all suffered in one way or the other back then because of the callousness of that family.

The Bible, God's word is greatest source of inspiration to mankind. Personally, I take solace in these scriptures:
(1) Isaiah 43:13 "From eternity to eternity I am God. No one can snatch anyone out of my hand. No one can undo what I have done". (NLT).
(2) Isaiah 46:4 "I will be your God throughout your lifetime- until your hair is white with age. I made you, and I will care for you. I will carry you along and save you." (NLT).
(3) Job 8:7 And though you started with little, you will end with much. (NLT).
(4) Psalms 103:5 He fills my life with good things. My youth is renewed like the eagle's. (NLT).
(5) Ecclesiastes 9:11 I have observed something else under the sun. The fastest runner doesn't always win the race, and the strongest warrior doesn't always win the battle. The wise sometimes go hungry, and the skilful are not necessarily wealthy. And those who are educated don't always lead successful lives. It is all determined by chance, by being in the right place at the right time. (NLT).

I could go on quoting inspiring scriptures, but these minister to me beyond words. Happy Sunday yall.

Chinum:
I dey tells you. Ethically sound guys are not so easy to come by. Wish you al d best this coming year.

You can say that again. The greatest teacher of love admonished us to do unto others what we want them to do to us. Thanks for the warm wishes. Appreciated.

Chinum:
Respect. I feel like proposing sef. I hope you God gives u ur ideal woman soon.

Lol@ I feel like proposing sef@Chinum. Thanks for been totful. Compliments of d season, happy new year in advance.

OP, I may not know the depth of feelings you have towards this lady, but from what you shared I could deduce your emotions are having the better of you. It's normal to be emotional, but emotions must be subjected to reality test.

You listed all the reasons why asking this lady out may not seem wise. It's good you had time to reflect rather than jumping into something you'd latter regret. Your a young adult and the desire for companionship especially from the opposite sex is understandable. However, there's an urgent need for you to set your priorities right.

Your first priority is to secure a future. And education is a sure way of doing that. Congrats on your admission by the way. Take a good look at your mum. Look at your siblings, I suppose you have one or two. What do you see? You must understand that the destinies of these family members and several others are tied to yours. If you fail today, they fail. If you succeed tomorrow, they succeed. Please let your education come first before anything or anyone else.

You said she's older, better educated, from a well to do background etc. Personally, all these have nothing to do with love. Any woman irrespective of status can be seduced, so pull down all those stumbling blocks you erected. However, don't tell her how you feel, nor ask her out. The odds that it will end well are extremely slim. Rather, cultivate a filial relationship with her. It's possible to be friends with the opposite sex without getting intimate. It's a thing of the mind. If you can't run!

Someday, you might recall how you felt towards this lady, and all the reasons you gave why you can't be with her. It does happen! Let that day be one of laughter rather than sadness. Let that day be one you will look back and be grateful to all those who advised you to take your education serious.. Let day be one you will look back and be grateful to your mum and all those who believed and supported your dream. Let that day be one you will look at all you have achieved and give God thanks. That day can only become a reality if you make the right choice. Education is a sure panacea for poverty. Thanks.

sonofananimal:
but you didn't married her right!

We where engaged but things didn't go as planned. If you have the time go through my topics I shared it here on Nairaland : October 24th,my introduction date that never came through. That's the heading. It had nothing to do with material possession.

OP, I have a female friend who sought for advice on this issue of buying a car as a single two years ago. She was downcast when she sought my opinion because her family, friends and church members kicked against it. I pointedly told her to buy the car. She did and has remained grateful till date even though she's still single.

My ex had a car. I didn't and still don't have. Did I ever felt inferior or intimidated? No! I knew what I was worth and she respected me for that. Whenever I visited her in lagos I drove her car. A real man knows his woman's worth and strives to bring out the best in her. A real man isn't intimidated by a successful woman.

So my dear sister go ahead and buy the car. You deserve it. If you don't treat yourself well no one will. Self love is the beginning of true love. The men that will feel intimidated by your owning a car where never meant to be part of your life. Don't let family, friends or whomsoever make you compromise your standards. Inasmuch as you remain true to yourself the right man will locate you. Thanks.

OP, I took time to read your post and I must say your in a living hell! It's quite funny how the good often end with the bad. My candid advice is divorce!

Yes! You heard me. A woman who disrespect, has severally threatened your life, cheating on you and has even gone diabolical is a devil incarnate. It's in my own opinion unscriptural keeping such a woman. The truth is she will never change. The several third party interventions proves this. The longer you keep her the more harm(physical, spiritual, emotional etc) you expose yourself. Are you waiting till she walks out of the marriage? Are you waiting till your six feet underground? My brother you have tolerated this jezebel incarnate enough. Kick her out!

You can't make any meaningful headway in life with this woman you call a wife. It's time to take the bull by the horns. You have a child, parents and others to fend for. Pick up the broken pieces of your life and move on. I must applaud you that despite all her misgivings you never raised your hand to hit her. Sorry about your job loss. Though the economy is bad be optimistic something good will come your way. It's better to be single and happy that remained married in bitterness, fear and negativity.

OP, these are the rules of becoming a bad boy.

RULE 1: Practice self love. Simply put develop yourself in all ramifications.

RULE 2: Self confidence. If you don't have it fake it!

RULE 3: Hygiene and good grooming.

RULE 4: Never try so hard to impress anyone, ladies inclusive. Be thyself.

RULE 5: Never approach a lady you can't control/tame. A bad boy isn't by the number of women you have been.

RULE 6: Always take the lead. Develop the leader in you. Ladies dig men that take the lead.

RULE 7: Respect is reciprocal. don't mistake cockiness for rudeness.

RULE 8: Develop a good sense of humour. But don't act like some comedian.

RULE 9: Learn to be romantic. Romance is irresistibly seductive.

RULE 10: Be independent.

RULE 11: One woman at a time. Players ain't bad boys. Players are insecure men.

RULE 12: Learn from the bad boys before you. History repeats itself.

RULE 13: Learn the art and science of seduction. Every woman irrespective of her status can be seduced!

RULE 14: Never be caught in the art of cheating. Suspicion is allowed. It fuels her interest.

RULE 15: Learn to separate emotions from reason. Avoid neediness. It's kills.

RULE 16: Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Use absence to increase value and respect.

More coming.....

OP, in all things give thanks. There are certain things you can't change in life one of which are those that brought you into the world - your parents.

I like the fact you have always remained civil despite their over religious tendencies dat in it self talks of good upbringing. At the moment your still under their custody, keep your cool. Try to please them at the moment till you can fend for yourself. It's only a matter of time. It may seem long and impossible but soonest you b free!

Please erase all suicidal thoughts from your heart. You hv a great future ahead of you. Always remember you where given this life cos you have d power to live it. Look within. You defeated several millions of sperm to come into this world. Tough times neva last. Tough times ain't meant to crush you but to strengthen you. Someday you will look back at this and laugh. Keep faith.

Dear Mr Seun(Founder, NAIRALAND),
Thank you for creating a forum where Nigerians, and others irrespective of location, religion, tribe, socioeconomic status or other affiliations could interact. This singular act has earned you a place among Nigeria's greats.

However, your latest post though patriotic in nature may seem shallow in the light of logic. I may not understand the depth of your love for country and commitment to her continued existence, but to allow such 'patriotic zeal' to overshadow the freedom of expression, association and other fundamental human rights is illogical.

Though your decision on nairaland is binding and unquestionable, and which in all sincerity should not please all, decision making must be a well thought one. You barely gave cogent reason(s) in your post other than patriotism. Please be reminded that the Arab spring and other new age 'revolutions' started on social media. Your stand on this Biafra issue and others in my opinion should be one of fostering unity in diversity through the instruments of dialogue, compromise and maturity, etc. It's called fair processes.

I am not asking you to rescind on your decision. It takes a real man to make one. Am on appealing for caution in the enforcement of this new rule. I believe you, the moderators and other Patriots could better use this forum to enlighten our Biafra agitators on the need for us to remain United. You may not win in this 'war'(no one ever wins in an argument), however, someday posterity will remember you for the true patriot you are. I remain loyal to the terms of engagement on Nairaland. Thanks.

zaragal:
hhhmmmmmmmmm......wat a LIFE!!...relationship comes with so mch hurt most esp wen love is involve. mine was just as pathentic as urs...but i was lucky never to have dealt with cheating partner or a spy..it was just tribal conspiracy. the delta guys mum would never accept an akwa ibom lady....its strange you're still frnds with the angela lady in my own case all ties was broken....i mean we became like sworn enemies that i grew hatred from anybody from delta..wen dey make passes @ me i jst tell them bluntly dats its impossible no matter how good u seem or sth. you case wasnt as painful....@least u no faint...my own case i was few inches away death..i took ill over and over again, slumped @ work,......lot of tinz..dat leaves me feeling better of being single.

O zaragal, so much pain for loving someone. It's part of life, today you look back and just laff.

zaragal:
thanks plenty...so wat is ur plan for christmas

None! Dis old fashioned guy can't recall d last him he planned for xmas

zaragal:
thanks plenty...so wat is ur plan for christmas

None! Dis old fashioned guy can't recall d last him he planned for xmas

zaragal:
udmydearest
decker
ms anne
drfinn
and myself

Zaragal, so thoughtful of you .

Thanks be to God Almighty for giving you and your family victory all year round.Victory is yours dis month and forever.It's December.

Happy new month to you and everyone on Nairaland.

Continued......

This was not what I bargained for I said to myself. Chris constant calls where becoming not only annoying but threatening. A thought crossed my mind to open up to my brother in-law, but I shelved the idea. I suddenly withdrew into my shell, I became extremely security conscious, I stopped keeping late nights; I started seeing Chris in every man with a funny look. Thoughts of been kidnapped, shot or beaten under his instruction raced through my mind, this is ph, anything was possible I reasoned. To make matters worse, I began noticing subtle changes in Faith’s attitude; however, I cared less since I was in only for the sex! I was five months shy of rounding up internship. Sadly, I had been unable to save much. I was in a financial mess.

One day I decided to face my fears. I drove to Happy Bite at Orazi, it was a place Angela and I had met on a couple of occasions. As I stepped in, there stood Angela, she was making payment for food she ate. I took a seat, fixed my gaze on her till she caught my eyes. She stared in disbelieve, and then turned her head guiding me with the side of her eyes across the room, I got the nonverbal message. There seating at the other end was Chris! He looked unkempt, and gray haired. I stared at him for a few minutes, and then hurriedly walked out before he could recognize me. That was my first time seeing him; I was to see both of them again at Silverbird cinemas a week later. This time I was with Faith, we sat a few seats away from theirs at the lounge. I jokingly asked Faith to go greet her paymaster. When Angela went out to answer a call, I followed her. I wanted to know what was going on, but before I could say a word Chris appeared. Surprisingly, he looked at me without uttering a word, dragged Angela into his car and drove off.

Faith’s attitude took a down turn when she began coming home unusually late. One day she came home without her panties. When I asked how come, she claimed she had unintentionally urinated on herself at the office. I was shocked! Two days later she came home almost past 11pm; this time I vented my anger. I could hardly sleep that night, as a last resort I forcefully made love to her and slept off. The next morning she sarcastically asked why I could not sleep until I had made love to her. Obviously, the center has cracked, but I was still blindfolded from reality.

Suddenly, she began receiving calls at odd hours. On one occasion we were asleep when her phone rang, she slipped into the bathroom to answer it. I waited patiently till she came out then I inquired who the caller was. As usual it was her colleague. A few days later I took this colleague’s number and called, a guy picked. I kept my suspicions to myself. Then one Saturday morning, eight months into our relationship she told me she was travelling to Owerri to see her mum. Her mum had been separated from her dad in the last 10 years or so. Unknown to her, I had read a text message from a certain guy she was billed to meet in Owerri. The guy had told her where to stop and connect with him. Certainly, cheating under my very nose was the last thing I could tolerate. I acted all ignorant until she left for Owerri three days later.

She barely called throughout the one week she spent at Owerri, for me I had already impressed upon my mind, the relationship was over! Two days before she returned, I sent her a text asking her to stay at her house when she returns. I was going to be on weekend call. On her return she tried severally to visit, I blocked every attempt. She asked questions after questions, I had no answer to give. I was done! Days turned to weeks, then months. Finally, she requested to come pick her belongings from my place, a request I gladly obliged. Her visit was short but eventful, she tried the emotional game, but I remained resolute. She left in tears.

A month later I was at UNIPORT for a function when she called. She told me she was pregnant. I was pissed! I angrily asked why she was calling to tell me, her answer sounded rather amusing. I was responsible. Damn! I reminded her hope she knows am a doctor, to which she angrily responded that she was expecting me to deny it. However, she assured me her sister will help secure an abortion; she only called to inform me. I simply cut the call on her in disdain. I have had enough of this drama. That was the last I heard from her till I went for NYSC in 2010. THE END.

AFTER THOUGHT: Today, Faith is happily married to a Pastor; she invited me to her wedding, I declined due to another engagement. Chris and Angela eventually broke up. She is yet to tell me what transpired. Angela and I remain friends till date.

Good morning pals, the story continues.......

Although Chris was financially stable, Angela felt little love for him. The age disparity was glaring. She had met him when one of her sisters was seeking for accommodation. She was even cheating on him to his knowledge, one of her lovers happened to be a younger brother of a childhood friend of mine as I later found out. Despite these Chris was still jealously in love. Thus, when he found out I was the one Angela passed the night with in Lagos, all hell was let loose. I never knew he had been tracking my movements since then!

To keep me away from his Angela, he had to enlist Faith to serve as a distraction. Faith was the only person he could trust, she was smart and loyal besides she was on his ‘payroll’. He had told her all lies imaginable. I was a player, he reeled out names of ladies I had slept with including his Angela, and as such I needed to be dealt with. Faith’s mission was simple; seduce me, and ‘hand’ me over to him so he could treat my ‘Bleep up’. She was never to fall in love, and must give him feedback on her progress. He gave her my number, and I foolishly fell for a lie!

Ironically, things did not go Chris’ way. Faith fell in love, on a number of occasions she had hinted there was something I needed to know. She was bidding her time, till Angela let the cat out of the bag that Friday night. Faith’s confession sounded unbelievable! I have been living a lie in the last seven months plus. Thoughts flooded my mind, what should I do to her? I dialed my brother’s number, and poured out my heart. I was pained beyond words. The next morning I asked her to leave my house. Her pleas fell on deaf ears.

However, my emotions got the better of me. I decided to ‘punish’ her by making her my ‘sex slave’ till am due for NYSC. After two weeks of persistent pleading I accepted her back with a condition she cut all ties with Chris. She accepted my condition or so I thought. I gradually became fearful, jealous and suspicious of her every move, every unregistered number on her call log needed explanation. I read her text messages. To make matters worse within a few days of our reunion, I started receiving calls from Chris requesting to see me. I was to later find out she was still seeing Chris, although she was not forthcoming with information hence his decision to contact me directly.

To be continued....

Continued....

The indomie pack in her hand dropped, she tried forcing a laugh in disbelief. I won’t take any of this I charged at her demanding for an answer. Then she broke down in confession amid tears. Chris, was indeed her friend, she recalled how they met and how he had been of help especially financially to her over the years due to her poor background. She occasionally runs errands for him including paying money into the bank accounts of his numerous girlfriends. Despite their closeness she never had a sexual relationship with him! Though they kept late nights, and she sometimes passed the night at his place.

Chris was a mildly obese, slightly bald short man with a significant potbelly, he was in his forties; he was of Ikwerre extraction and a contractor with NDDC. He had a couple of investments across the State, by all standards he was doing well for himself. Although he had a string of girlfriends, Angela was his main ‘babe’ maybe fiancée. He had given her a well furnished apartment in one of his houses at Orazi axis in ph, while he resided in another around Ada George. He was practically catering for her every need. Unknowingly, I had visited Angela at this house on several occasions, surprisingly I never ran into Chris or so I thought.

To be continued......