₦airaland Forum

GratefulHeart23:
Fallacy or reality, sincerely, I don't care.

Normal people still exist though...normal sane men and women...in their numbers.

frenzyduchess:
you are right, if it must be curtailed, both gender has to be ready to put in the work, but however one must be ready to take the mantle to lead hence it still falls down to the man. I only used to colonial era to buttress my point.
Like I have said in my other comment, we watched our grandmothers do same, it didn't change nothing. In one of my discussions with my grandma, she stated clearly how she would have left the marriage if it was in this generation.That is why I urge men in this generation to dare to be different,yes Society has never had punishment for a philandering man, even in our culture ,it has always been the woman who needs to buy white one legged fowl for cleansing,but you can't expect to have a good home with a miserable wife. People from polygamous homes and philandering fathers have seen the first hand ripple effect of what cheating can do.i just don't understand what is so difficult in being faithful, honestly

Lol, we cannot all be the same. No matter how much you try to save some people, they'll end up destroying themselves. Abeg tell me where those one legged chickens are sold make I go buy my own. It has to be cheaper than two legged chickens, after all, chicken na chicken. A lot rest on our shoulders though...fact. I still think lots of reasonable chaps exist, just that they may be hidden for several reasons. Even these NL dudes sef, they're awesome oo, forget our shakara. Economy has a way of transforming the way we type sometimes...stay cool!

GratefulHeart23:
Fallacy or reality, sincerely, I don't care.

Ok.

GratefulHeart23:
Two wrongs makes no one feel cheated. It's a well balanced equation, no big deal.

Well balanced? Yes. Ultimate results? Unhappiness, STDS, lack of trust, disharmony...I think you and I wouldn't wish these on ourselves or any other person. Not good. So I think it's a big deal. For everyone involved.

GratefulHeart23:
Yes, Most Men.

That's not true. Fallacy of generalization.

ImaIma1:
Lol...let the man be the right one

Let both be right. . Come and eat beans and pap.

ImaIma1:
You are right. Women need to take care of their looks whether in pregnancy or after bearing children. She shouldn't use it as an excuse to look shabby and unattractive. If the husband cannot reach her, it is better he tells a family member that she will listen to to talk some sense into her than for worse to happen.
These days there are so many platforms and forums that help in those areas.

You're right. But I don't see the reason why people should not listen to their spouses...I mean this person is your husband/wife. They should be the closest to you, your confidante, the power behind the throne. I see no reason in involving family members in petty domestic disputes, not to talk of one involving one's physique. Will he/she look good for the other family member or the spouse? Some things defy explanation sha.

GratefulHeart23:
All I know is that most MEN are not worth staying faithful to. All these extramarital affairs ranting would stop when women realise this and also play along.

Take good care of yourself, look good and eat well, I can assure you, someone better will show interest in you, shikena!

Most men?

GratefulHeart23:
The same reason I won't advise any married woman to be faithful to her cheating husband. He cheats, I cheat and the other men even spend much more on me than he does. I take good care of myself and have time for my child. Most times when he's caught in his Web of lies, I shake it off.

What he does doesn't bother me any more unlike before since I now have someone better than him. So why should a woman pray hard and die of high blood pressure over a cheating husband when there's always another man interested in her? Just that some women don't want to cheat but the truth is that most of those other men interested in her are more caring than her cheating husband.

Two wrongs don't make a right.

frenzyduchess:
noted ,it definitely won't be hard for me to do away with the phrase,that was just my own coined word to express my utter disgust for such people, but you are right. I will do as you have advised ,thanks

I respect your views nontheless. Will look forward to read your comments on other issues. I consider them instructive, no flattery.

frenzyduchess:
I am not casting blame at any gender, however, we must remove sentiments from it and be truthful to ourselves. It's easier to tame a woman than a man, that is why when the the white men came they attacked them men first and capturing the woman and children was like a walk in the park. It's easier for a responsible man to bring out the best in a GOOD woman, but a terrible husband will make her miserable, but unlike those days, the door is wide for her to exit. I for one am concerned about the growing rate of divorce in this generation.I am glad that you agree that men ought to do more, as the " head " they are. Sadly alot have misinterpreted being the head as being authoritative, domineering and bossy. They forget to guide, be a companion, support and protect. This is not about gender tussle but we must understand that each gender has its role to play,and when one fails to play it's role, then the other is left stranded to double up responsibility of both gender. Men are not taught to be good husbands, they are left to find them selves and hopefully find their way by trial and error. That's is my point

First of all, I am not and will not be sentimental on a very sensitive issue as this. Secondly, let's not try to compare with happened during the slave trade Era viz-a-viz issues concerning relationships even though it still involves the male and female gender. They're two completely different situations with completely different ideologies serving completely different purposes. I also will not absolve men if any blame when they're responsible. I also believe that if cheating is to be reduced, I state again that it is not just a 'man problem'. Inasmuch as cheating is no acceptable, some of the aetiologies can be avoided, prevented by mutual efforts from both spouses. I don't think any woman will be comfortable in any relationship that makes her unhappy, the same goes for men. I beg to disagree that men aren't taught to be good husbands. My parents, in particular my father teaches me @ every opportunity he gets, not just by word of mouth but also through his actions towards my mother. And I can bet I'm not alone in this. Sometimes we fail to heed their advice but I know they try their best. It's not easy considering the present society we live in but as men, we ought to know and do better, this does not exclude the female folk also. Lastly, don't you think the principle of 'leaving the door ajar' in relationships contribute to the rising incidence of divorce? No one ones to fix broke things today, unlike the past. A lot of us want the easy way out...methinks it ain't fair. We ought to give a little more to try and make things work before we throw in the towel. My respect still goes out to you and others here. Learnt a lot going through these comments.

dominique:
You don't get it. It's because of write-ups like this that make men think they have the right to mess around. The society has more or less given them the free hand to cheat since the blame goes back to their wives. How many articles about how to be good husbands have you seen before? Are men so perfect themselves? Why can't they work on themselves to make their marriages work? I'm not raising my daughter to live her life massaging a man's bloated ego neither will I raise my son to believe that a woman's sole purpose on earth is to 'keep him'. Long and short of my epistle, just value your partner and treat them the way you want to be treated, that shouldn't be so hard.

Any society that gives anyone the leeway to cheat is a culturally backwards one. That cannot be referred to as a sane society.

riyanxeally:
only a useless he goat ll do that...do u know wat women go thru after child bearing to raise kids....a loving man shld always help put d kids to sleep n wen he cant keep loving n appreciating s jewel God has given him...loving men ll even create time fr vacations n all..plus u want her to look sexy wat stops u from changing her wardrobe huh??

Being attractive to a spouse does not begin and end with changing wardrobe. The wardrobe was changed before they met, it may or may not continue depending on circumstances. It's beyond just putting the kids to sleep. Men are wired by nature to 'believe' in what they see, just as women are wired to 'believe' in what they hear. Bottom line: never forget what attracted both of you to each other in the first instance. Marriage, childbearing and other things in the home should not drive a wedge between both spouses. For a fact, even after 30 years of marriage, a man is still concerned about how his wife looks, no doubt. Ask your boyfriend, he'll concur.

frenzyduchess:
thanks ,so I have seen with my eyes.This particular case is a woman I envy and always wish to be hot like her when I finish having children, the way she falls out and dresses, even younger guys drool, but her husband can hit on anything in skirt. Guys in the area that know always ask what the man is looking for outside. Good character, good bedmatics, good character have proven time and time again not to tame a man dog ,simple

Honestly, I've followed your line of thoughts. Quite impressive I must admit, but can you stop using that phrase 'man dog' please. I know you can rise above whatever goads you into using it but please stop, it doesn't add to your already impressive resume. I'm not a saint either, but I don't see any reason in referring to the female gender in any derogatory term for whatever purpose. We cannot even create cells, it doesn't speak well of us when we use insultive terms when referring to ourselves. I repeat, I respect your views as an observer and my opinions even though they don't matter hasn't changed a bit. Even thieves sentenced to capital punishment are entitled to a stick of cigar before death. One love sis.

ImaIma1:
I enjoyed your debate. Both of you should debate more.
Off course i agree more with frenzy. Some men try to generalize cheating because they can't keep their third legs in check. A woman can have 4kids and still have the figure of Kim Kardashian or Beyonce and the husband will still cheat. Cheating is no fault of the woman.

This is an assumption that will plague us for for long time, the assumption that cheating is strictly restricted to men. My dear, there's no smoke without fire. It takes two to tangle (except in cases of sexual assault). When we understand its not just a man's problem, then both parties can work towards avoiding it or attaining a workable solution if it does.

ImaIma1:
In that case, both of them are wrong. What happened to communication? They became one for a reason. To make themselves better. If the man sees that she is getting overwhelmed with the kids, he should get a househelp or help in any way that he can to make it easier for her. They are also his kids and she is sacrificing for both of them. He should tell her she is losing herself and that she needs to pay attention to herself. It is not rocket science. Marriage takes work put in by both parties not just the wife getting worked up with her job, the house and children while the guy goes out to cheat.

I have encountered several instances where men tell their wives exactly what you just said...the result? Nothing changes. The weight gain keeps coming, the shabby looks remain, they 'lose' themselves in the name o child-rearing. Does it give us the liberty to cheat? No. Are we entitled to cheat? No. I'm just saying more often than not, we find it difficult to inculcate in our culture the necessity to appear appealing to our spouses. Communication does not help, most times. I'm being frank with you. I wish it does but more often than not, it doesn't.

frenzyduchess:
nah,i don't need to rant it, I have seen men who truly are dogs and men who aren't, so I cant say "all",cos a few have worked hard to discipline themselves, and it will be a great injustice for me to classify them with the weak ones. Women of this generation only refused to be like their grandmas. I hear people say why can't this generation be like their grandmas, hell no, I don't want to be like my grandma, Infact I have sat down and listened to my grandma say things she went through,so I don't wanna be like her ,thank you. Every human being should be held accountable for their actions, if a man decides to let his weakness rule him, that should be on him and no one else. You think only men get tired of having sex with just one partner?, Hahahahaha, women do too, but we are more disciplined, but sadly I see many women damning the consequences cos they are learning from the masters of the art.

With all due respect, it's not about who's more/less disciplined. It doesn't change the fact that gross indiscipline pervades our society today. Also, it's not right to assert that a 'few' men are disciplined. That can on on arrived @ following extensive interactions with lots of men coupled with experiences not just hearsay (which I doubt you have, I may be wrong). More or less, I still agree as men, we ought to do more than we do. But cheating is an evil that can only only overcome by both gender. Not just one. Let's just stop all these blame games.

Dollyak:
This thread is a spectacular failure. The hypocrisy of Nigerian men is nauseous.

Hypocrisy is not gender-tied. It's common to both males and females.

jaylicioussss:
2012, not Medicine o. Pure and and industrial chemistry. I doubt that any good student will wait to be appreciated before delivering excellence. Your goal in school is to acquire knowledge, whether you are rewarded for doing this or not, shouldn't even be a priority. Except if the lecturers are found wanting or something like that. I honestly do not see reward as a core motivation for a student. My opinion though.

Ok. I had a friend who studied pure and industrial chemistry, been a while back. She should probably be having some babies now sha...not like we, upcoming youngsters. *freshouttavarsity #laboutmarketwedonshow

CaptPlanet:
I know its just the first game but remember how we ended in 10th position 2 seasons back? We drew our opening game with swansea, a game we were supposed to win.



Its still early in the league tho

Let's watch and see.

CaptPlanet:
3 down at home to burnley. Smh...the worst kind.

There's no effort at all

Humiliation.



Thank you Cahill. You just ended our season before it began

---

Calm down bruv.
It's just the first match.

Conte just they feel cold. Lol

Chelsea is going down.
Goal!!!

Set piece and dead balls.
Burnley's weapons of warfare.
Welcome to your 2nd season Antonio!

I'm not a prophet.
It was coming.
*take him on*
His manager shouted...
Burnley 1-0 Chelsea.
*keeps sipping*

You see what I said!
Alarm bells ringing for Chelsea.
So help them God.
*sippping my shepe*

Chelsea should calm the bleep down. They're hysterical @ the moment. Spoils the game.

Red card!

jaylicioussss:
2012, not Medicine o. Pure and and industrial chemistry. I doubt that any good student will wait to be appreciated before delivering excellence. Your goal in school is to acquire knowledge, whether you are rewarded for doing this or not, shouldn't even be a priority. Except if the lecturers are found wanting or something like that. I honestly do not see reward as a core motivation for a student. My opinion though.

You're right. I do not think she is motivated by appreciation. And she ought to be a good student, perhaps judging by her performance.

jaylicioussss:
Oh they don't give to medical students or they don't give anymore?. I know those in my set were given. Have they stopped it?

Which set were you by the way?

jaylicioussss:
Oh they don't give to medical students or they don't give anymore?. I know those in my set were given. Have they stopped it?

We've lost our best brains over time to other institutions due to lack of appreciation on the part of respective admins. I hope this turns out to be different.

Ebonka1:
Blessing fall on you

Do you know how much the association gets from its 'sourcing' of funds?