₦airaland Forum

Teymanhenry:
This is exactly what I was telling my female colleague. Story story

I introduced her to one of my closest friends, but from the start, all she seemed interested in was what she could get from him. It was one outing, bar, or hangout after another. I warned her that no serious man takes a woman he values for marriage everywhere she wants to go just to fund her lifestyle. Unfortunately, her appetite for constant spending wouldn't allow her to heed that advice.

She would often claim she hadn't eaten at home just so he would buy her food. Before long, my friend met another lady, and the contrast was striking.

For three straight weeks, this new lady cooked meals, brought them to his house, and returned to her shop afterward. They spent time together without any pressure for intimacy. According to him, she was ticking almost every box he looks for in a wife.

The sad reality is that he now sees my colleague as nothing more than a casual fling. These days, he doesn't even invite her to his house anymore; it's mostly hotels and nothing beyond that.

Ironically, she has become desperate and keeps asking him to meet her parents, but he always finds an excuse. He openly told me that she is the last woman he would consider marrying because he sees her as a financial burden. Meanwhile, he has already started saving towards marriage with the woman he met much later. He believes that if things continue the way they are, he could begin marriage preparations with her by this time next year.

A lesson many people overlook is that while attraction may start a relationship, character, selflessness, and value often determine who gets chosen for commitment.

CodeTemplar:
Armed robbery is a work. Prostitution too. Which of them do you do?

Dpzeewonder:
I can tell you with all authority that the girlfriend in question is either a very pretty girl or she Is massively endowed front and behind(lol....wahala) that's the only reason why oga cobbler....sorry shoe designer abi nah shoe maker is still in that relationship,after seeing the red flags bro will just console himself with those BIG BIG THINGS NI MO LIKE........eeeeeehhhhhh.

DONOCSO:
Make una no waste advice for the this OP. One visit from her with good sex and pre-intimacy. OP will repent and take back these words.

Precious201010:
I no fit talk wetin dey my mind again, because I don even dey pity U... Character or habit is one thing U can't change in a person...

Avoid any lady that is always on tick-tock, Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp, especially when she's jobless...

I had one like that, if I buy data 1.5gb for 300 Naira it'll take me for at least 3 to 4 days, but her one 1.5GB doesn't last up to 4 hours, and she expect me to be buying for her, I politely told her that I can only send data to her once in a while not everyday..

Secondly even me as a man I do go to the market to buy things, cook and eat before leaving the house, but she as a lady doesn't cook at home, she prefers eating outside in expensive restaurants, and her salary was 75k ..

Each time I try talking to her about planning, she'll keep telling me that she didn't come this life to suffer, my brother I no even seek for advice anywhere, I quietly abandoned ship, she called and begged and explained everything, I just told her that I cannot afford her lifestyle....

As it is now, if U mistakenly marry that lady you're completely finished....

zinaunreal:
Women could be really dirty but if you ever find a dirty guy, better run 😆

oarowosola:
I met her sometime around April or May last year, and from the beginning, things seemed fine between us. Like every relationship, we both made sacrifices, and even though I don’t like keeping score in relationships, I know I gave a lot of myself into it. Over time, though, I started noticing certain habits and behaviors that became harder and harder for me to ignore. At first, I kept convincing myself that maybe I was overthinking things or expecting too much, but eventually I realized that I was simply becoming exhausted.

One of the biggest issues for me was cleanliness and basic responsibility. I’m not a perfect person, and I can be nonchalant too. I’m someone who enjoys my own space and doesn’t constantly need attention or communication. If someone is busy and doesn’t check up on me for a while, I honestly don’t take it personally. But what bothered me was the imbalance. She could disappear for days or weeks whenever she was occupied and expect me to understand, but if I withdrew into my own space just to protect my peace, she would become upset about it. That double standard was one of the first things that started weighing on me emotionally.

The first time I visited her house, I was shocked by how untidy it was. I’m not obsessive about cleanliness, but I believe there should be a basic level of order, especially when you know someone is visiting you for the first time. When she came to my place for the first time, I made an effort. I cleaned my house , mopped the floor, arranged the bed, and even bought small things just to make the environment more comfortable. It wasn’t about trying to impress her with money; it was simply intentionality. I wanted her to feel welcomed.

But each time I visited her place, the environment remained the same. One particular day, after she stepped out, I decided to clean the entire house myself just to prove a point. While sweeping, I found sugar inside the couch, rotting cashew scattered around, and several things that clearly caused unpleasant odors. I cleaned the parlour, arranged the bedroom, organized her bags, and put everything in order. When she came back, she thanked me, but I remember telling her that it shouldn’t get to the point where her boyfriend had to clean her entire house before it became livable. I told her clearly that if I visited again and the place was still in that condition, it would probably be the last time I came there.

Unfortunately, nothing changed. On another visit, the smell in the house was so terrible that I kept trying to trace where it was coming from. Eventually, I discovered a sack beside the couch she had been sitting on. Something inside it had gone bad, and the odor was unbearable. I carried it outside myself because I couldn’t understand how someone could stay in that environment comfortably. Later, when she went to make yam and eggs, I followed her into the kitchen and found another terrible smell coming from plates that had clearly been sitting there for days. Instead of cleaning the sink first, she simply pushed the dirty dishes aside and placed the yam directly on the dirty sink to peel it. In that moment, I felt completely traumatized and emotionally checked out.

Beyond cleanliness, I also started feeling unappreciated in the relationship. On her birthday, I called her early in the morning, posted her on my WhatsApp status, and celebrated her the best way I could at the time, even though I was broke. Yet she still complained that I didn’t make her birthday special enough. Meanwhile, on my own birthday, there was no call in the morning, no thoughtful gesture, nothing until later at night when she casually said she forgot because she had been going through a lot. What hurt me more was that I had actually bought her gifts for her birthday, including a designer bag and matching slippers I personally made for her. It wasn’t really about material things; it was the imbalance in effort and thoughtfulness.

I also noticed the same imbalance in everyday life. Whenever she visited my place, I was usually the one cooking, cleaning, and taking care of things even while working from home as a shoemaker. Most times she would just sit pressing her phone while I handled everything. She barely cooked for me throughout the relationship, and eventually I stopped going out of my way because I started feeling taken for granted.

Money became another issue. She would borrow money and either delay repayment or never complete it. As a shoemaker, the money I receive for jobs is not pure profit because most of it goes back into materials and production. Yet I still found myself lending her large amounts from jobs I was supposed to complete quickly. Even when she paid back partially, it felt emotionless, almost like she didn’t recognize the inconvenience it caused me.

The final straw happened recently when she visited me during a very busy work period. She suggested we spend the night in a hotel even though my house was already comfortable, and I agreed. I paid for the room, and when food was ordered later that night, I still ended up paying almost everything despite already spending heavily on the hotel. The next day, after returning from the market exhausted from buying materials for work, I expected to at least meet food at home since all the ingredients were available. Instead, I walked into a kitchen with bread wrappers and milk sachets scattered around while she had already eaten without cleaning up after herself. I still ended up cooking for myself.

The following morning, after she made food during the night, she left the kitchen in complete disorder again. Pots, plates, and leftovers were everywhere while I woke up early to continue working. Rather than cleaning up, she sat watching TikTok videos. Eventually I had to pause my own work to clean the kitchen myself because I couldn’t stand the environment anymore. At that point, I realized I was mentally exhausted.

What made everything clearer for me was understanding that this wasn’t just about dirt or money. It was about incompatibility. I realized I was constantly carrying responsibilities that should have been shared. I’m not against people hiring cleaners or getting help. I also take some of my clothes to dry cleaners. But there’s a difference between getting assistance and being unable to handle basic responsibilities yourself. If someone who is meant to clean your house doesn’t show up, there should still be a basic ability to sweep, organize, remove trash, and maintain a healthy environment. I couldn’t understand depending entirely on other people for something so fundamental.

At some point, I stopped seeing peace in the relationship. I started feeling drained instead of supported. Even during intimate moments, she would make comments like, “If you leave me, I will haunt you,” and although she may not have meant it literally, those kinds of statements only made me more uncomfortable emotionally.

Eventually, I accepted the truth that we are simply not compatible. I don’t hate her, and I’m not trying to paint myself as perfect. I just know that I can no longer continue in a relationship where I constantly feel emotionally exhausted, unappreciated, and burdened. I’ve reached a point where I no longer want to argue, explain, or force things to work. I’ve already made up my mind that the relationship is over, and at this point, I just want to walk away peacefully and move on with my life.

What do you think? Be nice please

Google file photo used for illustration