₦airaland Forum

Emdeejay:
I agree with you that listening to one side of the story is bad for discourse but if it is true that this man hit his wife, there is no justification for that action. Hitting anyone, coming from either a man or woman, is wrong.
The bolded part of your comment can also be said for men. I have heard men say: let her know you're the head or my wife can never try that. Yes, men and women get bad counsel from "friends" and it is up to the individual to decide if they'll let an outsider ruin their relationship.
I've heard the analogy that the person you marry has approximately 80% of what you want, it's up to you if you let the 20% dictate your relationship or glorify the 80%. Because we are all flawed, we tend to focus on the 20.

Then women should stop playing the victim and learn to understand their partners. No two relationships are same. Same with men. Everyone should understand their partners and adjust their lives to that effect. It's a marriage, not a vacation. Only reason one can have to back out is if he or she is violent.

ivolt:
If the bold is correct , then the husbands of such women deserve award and should their financial statuses change, the husbands has nothing to fear as the same respectful and supportive environment they have created will be maintained.
The law of reciprocity is on their side.

And I believe you saw the other part too?

Emdeejay:
Again, you see what you want to see so you can make a comeback. Did I ever generalize? If you read ALL my comments, I said this is from things I've seen. I have not met a quarter of the Nigerian population so how can I define the average home? From when I was young, I stated what I have witnessed. But if it's changed now then that's beautiful. But obviously, this man in the post did not change. My question to you would be: do you agree with hitting your wife because she did not have sex with you?

How can I agree with him? I DON'T! But I hate it when I hear a one sided story. In fact I haven't said anything about this thread, my previous discussion with ivolt brought me here. I am not one to listen to one side of an argument and pass judgement when I know there are always 3 sides to a story.

When I was in secondary school, I stayed with a family. The man was a full time pastor and very calm and gentle. The woman is one that can raise hell for insignificant things. Whenever she starts, the husband just either goes out or goes to sleep. When she is not nagging she's a very lovely wife and mother. Now this is a man that understands his wife and knows it's just one of her bad sides he shouldn't dwell on but manage with care after all there are many other good sides he can dwell on. I'm sure it's same for the woman too. This is what couples now are finding hard to understand or accept. Focusing on the bad sides and in the process forgetting how wonderful he or she was. Then she gets some advice from some wicked people not to accept some things that are actually not foolish or not relevant. This is unfortunately where we are right now.

ivolt:
Hating slavery doesn't mean someone want to be a slave,
it is just a general aversion to inhuman treatment regardless
of the victim's identity.

I thought I have agreed with you? Do what ever you like na. If you think wives I see everyday having the full support of their husbands are slaves then it's OK. And no they do have the support of their husbands because they are richer but because the know how to relate with their husbands. They know how to handle his emotions and massage his ego. You think wives don't have issues husbands deal with too? Smh

Emdeejay:
I love how you chose a word in my comment to negate the fact that most Nigerians I know were raised in a problematic manner. Yes, I said ONLY. I was referring to the way men are raised. The men I know were raised in a way that all you have to do it in a marriage is provide for your family. You don't have to see your wife as a companion with emotions, don't have to be involved with child rearing or nurturing your house to become a home. I've heard comments to women in response to their husbands cheating: as long as he is taking care of you and the children. Because that is the only responsibility that is expected of him. Every other thing is a bonus. Did I ever state that providing for your family is easy? Currently, women have to work to supplement income in the house so the family can be comfortable. So I'm sure the woman will understand that working is not child's play. But do not be confused, bringing home money is NOT the only thing a husband has to provide for the family.

If​ this is how you have chosen to define an average Nigerian home, then you're not being truthful with yourself. This is my problem with social media. Creating problems that are not there or were there but have been taken care of. I see men wanting to be around their kids and play with them whenever the chance arises but no he is not involved in raising the child. Na so men don't love their wives or care about their emotions, they just want an house help. Abeggi

ivolt:
Sorry, I am not a woman, I am just a person who believes in fair dealing.
I see no problem with a man running his house as he likes, he should do
and undo as it pleases him.
What I detest are whiners crying fowl when the table is turned, I consider
such men as sissies who don't deserve the "husband" title.

Interesting! I only hope you get a wife that shares same sentiment and lurking around for misfortune to befall you so she can take over the home. In fact she shouldn't be made to wait for that. With your enlightenment, you should be able to tell her from day 1 that her word is final and there will be no objections.

ivolt:
Of course, it isn't about the money for the guy because marriage
is usually free but this was your statement:



There is no greater misogynist than a man who thinks he deserve respect because
he has a pen.is, even cave men will shudder at such thought because they understand
that being in charge is not free and depend largely on their ability to provide.

Are you married? If you are, make sure you question your husband's every decision and actions because you can't stand him being the leader of the union( i know you still going to come for this statement). Make sure you are the one to take every major decision. And if you are not married, store this advice somewhere, it will come in handy immediately you step into his house. May the gods be with you.

Emdeejay:
When it comes to family values, most of the people I know, including myself, are raised in the wrong way. The only role of the man is to provide money, even if it's through stealing. The role of the woman is to do everything else: raise the kids, satisfy her husband, have a career, nurture the "home". Until our fathers and mothers start raising our men to have a different mindset, this kind of violence will continue. Obviously, this man feels entitled to the woman's body because what could be more important in her life than his sexual desire? Sex in a relationship is important but I'm positive this man doesn't have sex with her every time she wants to. He could be tired, not in the mood or has something "better" to tend to.
Some saying our mothers endured more, that is why our mothers died a slow painful death: physically, emotionally and mentally. Get out while you still can. It is better to lose a husband than your life.

I'm more interested in the bold part. I look at families and see something different from what you're asserting here. Even if that's the case you think to cope with all the challenges everywhere in the quest for this money to feed 4 to 6 mouths is a joke? The pressure he has to overcome, the wish to see his family, especially wife and kids, get the things he couldn't enjoy as a kid, is what you refer to as "only" right? Isokay

ivolt:
Something disappearing doesn't mean it is no longer there, it just that its
manifestation has significantly reduce to an insignificant level.

A power which depends on the whim of an external player is no power at all,
because such powers are unreliable and can be withdrawn by the real owner
any time he feels like.

Everybody need wisdom but I do understand that some husband most of the time
do brute force their way to get what they want and I am even unconcerned about
such tactics unless it is criminal.
What I detest is some whiners crying fowl if they lost control of their homes.
I say they accept whatever happens as a consequence
of power shift, instead of them crying that "women are bad".

To the bold text, I can also say this:
Do not blame an African woman for feeling like a human and being assertive
when her financial status change, you don't know the inhuman treatment
she has been subjected to throughout her marital life.

Are you married?

For the umpteenth time, your assertion I put in bold is wrong. It is not and was never about the money for the guys. It is the woman that is making it about the money.

ivolt:
The discussion was about husband and wife behaviour in relation to relative financial
power.

I am not talking about the beating, in fact that is an unintended consequence,
it is about the absolute entitlement of the man that he must always have his way,
it is this mentality that motivated the rape and any man with such mentality
can do anything to protect his ego.

Such ego usually disappears when the man financial status hits the brick, then the
same iron man will expect to be respected and worshipped. I say nobody should
ever have it both ways, use your influence while you have it but do not expect
to retain such influence should situation change.

Wrong! The ego does not disappear. The ego remains instead it's the woman that probably find hers.

This story is incomplete though the guy's action is inexcusable. You shouldn't blame an African man for feeling entitled after all he is made to pass through to get his wife. That aside I have seen many wives or mothers control their homes, not because they earn more but because they know how to handle their husbands. They know how to massage his ego and have their way. It's wisdom and easier instead of trying to fight for supremacy.

ivolt:
As usual blame the victim and excuse the savage because "you know he is a savage"
so bend to his will.

@ eph.12, look at this man that raped his wife, if things turn around tomorrow and
the wife decides to pay him back in his own coin, I am
very certain he will claim victim and accuse women of being disrespectful, evil and wicked.

Our discussion was based on finance or money. I don't claim to be unaware of how evil some men can be but they are totally unrelated things in my opinion.

This man didn't beat his wife because he earns more than her and should therefore be respected.

Emmyxclusive:
this new site keep giving a new ID on every registration with the same name, bvn etc. and pls what is the next step after getting the ID cus the is no further reg after u have been given an ID

There is no next step for now. It will be announced when it's time for next step.

The mod that moved this thread to front page should have verified if the OP made valid claims first. The info in the OP is wrong.

cc Seun lalasticlala

eliment:
how were you able to login. Can't seems to find any login options

You are not supposed to login. It's not required in this new registration method. Just register, get your unique reference ID and wait for further instructions.

aalymah:
I used chrome and didn't use up to 30mins for d registration and even test..(though i did mine since midnight of dt 14th june),av been given a confirmation slip am to print and it says my application was successfully submitted....just keep trying,d problem may likely be either network issues or ur choice of browser...BTW, d reference ID I was given was NPWR/......,I don't know anytin about d one of 2017.....best of luck!

Please visit N-Power social media​ page to be sure this registration is still valid because they have rolled out new registration methods.

cc Jerryadegx

ayommy12:
my own case is different, pls I need help o
I tried registering yesterday morning and everything was going on fine until I got to where I am to put in my "LOCAL GOVERNMENT OF OR RESIDENCE" and it didn't bring up the list for that but my bvn has already been put and some other info. NOTE: on the registration page of that time, it allowed one to start the registration and leave it incomplete (maybe in case one want to check and recheck to avoid mistake once you haven't clicked submit) it will just be asking you to "CREATE" so from where I started to where the palava of local government of residence is, I was just clicking on "create" I never submitted, and so I left the page concluding that it is because I used phone (Android Lenovo) that when I am through with my schedule for the day, I will try it again still using my phone so I tried it again around 7pm yesterday and found out that the site has been transformed from the way it was in the morning, now the local government of residence that didn't come up in the morning has now come up and the site is much more orderly than the way it was on the morning (NOTE: In the registration I did in the morning, I got to the stage where a reference number was given to me of which I wrote it down believing that when I come back to continue with the registration, that is what I will use to access my incomplete registration page but it was a new and fresh page that I saw when I wanted to continue so I took it to mean that maybe the site was still under construction when I did it in the morning so I started the registration all over again (pls don't forget I never clicked on "submit" in the morning and I had input my bvn and I was also given a reference number and no successful message or email was given me) but Alas! in my second registration that I did around 7pm, after filling in all my details "correctly" the reply sayssssssss "the page portal.N-power.gov.ng says your bvn is incorrect" hmmmmm since that time, I have been helpless. Please is anyone having a similar experience? pls what do I do? Note: the attached pics are the look of the present N-power website where I have been trying since yesterday evening.

Take your challenge to their Facebook or Twitter handle, you should get more concrete help there. Almost all the information we get here are wrong.

ellagabs:
i just checkd the twiter handle, imagin the twiter handler told a guy to reapply again tomorow after a sucesful registration on 13th june and a CBT assessment on 14th june.
Its glarin the site is still undergoin patches

Yeah! I think they scrapped the previous registration and are going to go with this new one.

In this new one you're just to register, get your reference number, no uploads, and exit. Everyone will be contacted later for the next steps.

I believe those that register before using the old method may need to register again.

ellagabs:
Bro, just try to register again with thesame information you have used before, you will notice the flaw i meant.

when you are done with the registration and your reference id is shwn, just refresh the page, you will be given a new reference id. i have like 15 reference id as at time of writing this post.
oga! try to login with your reference id...

to prove me wrong: login to your account and show me how the interface look like

Maybe you're right but it doesn't mean the site is fake. Go to their twitter handle, you will see its the correct website. They probably don't expect you to be refreshing the page. In fact a guy asked and he was told to just close the page and await further instructions. I hope those are not putting themselves at disadvantage.

ellagabs:
all the reference ID's generated on the new site are fake.

to be sure try to login here http://portal.npvn.ng/apply/login.html

LOL
I think you should take a trip to npower twitter handle. You are wrong

tugrow:
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Orders your goods in 1688, taobao, Alibaba, aliexpress


Need a good shipping company China to Lagos, contact me

My contacts on my signature

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I have somebody that wants to buy​ from taobao. Are you available​ for business?

ivolt:
So why were you feigning ignorance in the first place ?

The OP contend that men are okay providing for the family without
making noise about it, he fails to realise that men are not doing it freely,
such services are exchanged for authority.

There is a difference between a husband and a man, same way there
is a difference between a sperm donor and a father.

A husband is not just a man with pen.is, a husband must act like one
and perform husband's responsibility, if he fails to do that, he cannot
and should not expect to be treated like an overlord.

If you claim authority because you are the man, you should expect to lose
the same authority if you stop being the man.

You can't turn around to claim victim when you fail to perform your duties
or live up to expectations.

This is why I see any woman who marry below her class as naive because
she will never enjoy such marriage as any of her acts/reactions will be
interpreted in terms of wealth/arrogance instead of being judged
on their merits.

Oh I see. The contract was conditional. Something like pay the bills, retain your position but if not get ready to see anyhow right?

So what happens to the man of your class when he loses everything? He loses his position too right? Lol

Sterope:
How is it disrespect now?

I am glad he knows but he could have forgotten, that is why it is good to remind him and YOU.

Remind me that my mom was the breadwinner and couldn't handle it? Hehehehehe

Sterope:
Talking about your mama, aren't you?

Yeah! Anything else?

ivolt:
I am not talking about violence in homes, I am talking about who runs the home
and decides on critical issues.
The partner who wears the trousers.

Even if you have no experience of an African home setting, I don't expect you
to hold such stereotypes of richer women because you cannot experience one
without the other.

Erm who is supposed to run the home? I believe it's supposed to be the man yes?

ivolt:

This is laughable, you might as well ask me for examples of blue cloud.

Lol
If you talking about violence in homes then it doesn't have to be money related.

I don't want to assume I know where you're driving at and that was​ why I asked for​ examples.

ivolt:
How do the men handle being richer ?
They rule iron fist and you see nothing wrong with
it, so why being hypocritical when the table is turned ?

Iron fist? Any example or illustration real or imagined to explain this?

99% of women cannot handle greater success than their husbands. It would cause chaos in that home.

Most Mothers are always quick to​ remind their children how useless their father is when he has problem providing for​ the home or when she's more successful

Segadem:
yeah, your own na fake, how can u claim u win treble without winning the league?

Treble​ means three. You win three trophies, you win treble. When Barca won six trophies that year no be sextuple dem call am?

Too many long posts. How una expect people to read all these long comments baffles me

Segadem:
then tell me a club that has won "a real treble" back to back.

I will if you explain how "over and over" means "back to back"

Erm real treble?