₦airaland Forum

20 hilarious ways to know if your mum is a Nigerian
There are some common behaviour that Nigeiran mums exhibit at any time. There could be more but let's look at these few ones:
1. When she says "Get my kini" and believes with all confidence that she gave birth to a mind reader

2. When you say "mommy, I'm Sorry" and she replies "Sorry for yourself"

3. When you ask her where you should drop something and she says : “drop it on my head now."

4. When she brings food wrapped in a nylon bag from a party.

5. When you say: “mummy, I have malaria” and she replied: “why wont you have malaria when you have been pressing phone since morning”

6. When you say: “I came 2nd in my class” and she replies: “soo the person that came first has two heads, abi?”

7. When she takes the DSTV remote to work, just to punish you.

8. When you’re watching TV with her and then she sleeps off and still doesn’t want you to change the channel

9. If when you tell her you are going to friends place and she be like: when last did they come here to play with you?

10. When your mum asks you if the food is enough and you reply no and she says go and drink water

11. When she tells you if I hear 'Peem or phim', you will hear 'ween'.

12. When she touches hot pot comfortably without a napkin

13. When with one look she tells you, you will get the beating of your life when you get home

14. When you say: my wedding will be baaaaaaaaaaad and she replies: God forbid. Your wedding will not be bad in Jesus name

15. When she tells you: 'I didn't kill my mother, so you cannot or will not kill me'

16. When she calls you from your room upstairs and then sends you back upstairs to bring her purse...

17. When you ask her to help you with your home work and she advised: go and meet your brother. You then say, so you don’t even know it and she replies: (it is your father’s family members that are dullards)

18. When you ask her to refund the money you lend her and she tells you "all the food you've been eating at home nko?"

19. If she is more accurate with her slippers than Robin Hood is, with arrows.

20. Feel free to add yours..

This is achievement pls.if u say he has pride ,fine.let him pride in his achievements.this is asset n not a liability. U see the likes of kaycee and others that will show us exotic cars,shoes n glass house with swimming pool. What a man shld tink abt is what will take care of him at old age.osita is doing his own,tink abt urs now instead of envying his pride

Madness at its peak. Six to six declaration of madness

Some of us are good with missing classes especially during our decondary school days. I could remember one 'aunty' that use to take us in economics.hmmm if u were in my shoes u wouldn't miss class at all. Check out d pic bellow

In a glowing tribute in recognition of Enugu popular Catholic priest, Rev. Fr. Ejike Mbaka’s 20th anniversary of priesthood, President Muhammadu Buhari yesterday described the Enugu Adoration Ministries leader as a great cleric who was not afraid to speak truth, even at the cost of his own life or being hated by leaders in power.

He also extolled what he described as the 'extraordinary intrepidity' and 'remarkable patriotism of the priest.

It would be recalled that Mbaka was the cleric who predicted former President Goodluck Jonathan’s failure some months to the 2015 presidential election.

Presidential Senior special assistant on Media and Publicity, Malam Garba Shehu noted in a statement that the president said Father Mbaka did nothing wrong in contributing to the country’s politics.

According to the statement;
 
"One’s voice to make one’s country better has nothing to do with politics, and that as the “conscience of the nation”, religious leaders cannot afford to be aloof or indifferent to the miseries of the people.

He (Buhari) said Mbaka rose to the occasion to add his voice in support of good governance and identify with ordinary Nigerians in the face of despair and uncertain future."
 
Though honest opinions attract hostility from leaders detached from reality, history would be kind to Father Mbaka for courageously speaking truth to power, even at great risks."

The presidential media aide added that President Buhari, who said he was "overwhelmed by Mbaka’s sincerity and patriotism" prayed God to grant the priest more good health, long life and wisdom in the service of humanity, adding that he is a fountain of inspiration to all Nigerians.

Source: http://www.tori.ng/news/5515/see-what-president-buhari-said-about-father-mbaka.html

The yahoo yahoo neighbour that will only be seen wen he is going to repair his laptop but cnt be seen or heard.others are going out and he is always indoors.well that's his office.
2. The women freak. Always carrying lots of girls n changing them.even when they are not around they gv keys to their frnds who u will see on their strange faces coming with girls.
3. Those that always fight landlords believing that whatever he does is wrong
4. Troublesome landlord who can never be satisfied.always seeing faults
5.Those who u hardly know their faces.they go out in the morning and come back late.
6. The neighbour that u hardly know his face or hers.stays in compound unnoticed for two days and travels for one month before coming back again

More pics

More

More pics

Not much is actually known about 'The Beast' since it falls under the Secret Service's classified motor pool, but a few specifications and secrets have leaked out over the last few years.

 
Designed from the ground up by the Secret Service, President Barack Obama's $1.5 million "Cadillac One," aka "The Beast," is a moving fortress impenetrable by bullets and bombs. The president has 12 identical limos in rotation and, when not in use, they're parked in the basement of the Secret Service's headquarters and are under 24-hour surveillance.
 
According to the AutoWeek reports:
It's called "The Beast," but it might surprise you to learn that President's massive Cadillac isn't really a Cadillac. And there's not one, but a dozen, in the highly classified motor pool. The cars travel with their own mechanic, an armed federal agent who carries a vast arsenal of electronic diagnostic devices and tools.

We've come a long way since JFK's opentop Lincoln. Until only recently, the Secret Service bought the presidential limousines off the lot, then modified them with super-secret aftermarket products and systems. All that changed when George W. Bush became president. The reason? The stock presidential limos kept breaking down. All the extras the agency added to each vehicle created excess stress and weight beyond the real operational limits of the original cars. As a result, the transmissions often failed, “and the brakes would last about two trips,” said one veteran agent. “The cars were just too heavy, and they were a terror to drive, and even harder to stop.”

So the Secret Service decided to design and then build the car from the ground up. “The car may say Cadillac,” explained one agent, “but very little in that car is Cadillac.” Indeed, it is built by an R& arm of General Motors in Detroit. But “even the Cadillac emblems on the hood and trunk are supersized. The car is really a truck that looks like a limo. And it drives like one, too.”

-- The fuel tank is armor-plated and encased in special foam to protect it from rupture in case of collision-or small-arms fire. And, perhaps not surprisingly, there's an onboard Halon fire-suppression system.

-- What's in the trunk? Extra weapons, a separate oxygen supply under the president's seat and emergency medical equipment, including bottles of the president's blood type in case the ambulance (one always travels in the motorcade) gets cut off.

-- The Beast is heavy: The armor plating (on five newer models) is so thick and the doors so heavy that it's nearly physically impossible for the president to open them from inside.

-- The interior is cut off from the outside world and sealed (in case of chemical attack). There's an encrypted satellite phone inside and a special interactive video system so the president can conduct secure video conferencing with officials in the Situation Room, embassies abroad or the Pentagon.

-- The car features military-grade armor (steel, aluminum, titanium and ceramic), surrounded by removable fiberglass sheets on the doors and fenders.

-- The Beast has special locking mechanisms, and communications and fire-suppression systems. It rides on special Kevlar-reinforced Goodyear run-flats.

-- The Secret Service has been experimenting with special night-vision cameras and monitors (the camera is mounted inside the grille) to be used in a doomsday scenario if, say, the windshield was somehow compromised or views were obstructed.

Any Secret Service agent assigned to drive the president has to take an intense weeklong defensive-driving course on a special track at the Secret Service academy in Beltsville, Md. They practice evasive maneuvers, high-speed cornering and precision driving. "It actually handles quite well, considering how much it weighs," one agent said. For additional training, the agency uses Chargers, Camaro and Mustangs.

What doesn't it have? Sorry, 007 fans, but there are no rocket launchers, grenades or built-in weapons of any kind. No escape pod or ejection seat. Oh, and here's a mythbuster: The Beast is not diesel, but a gasoline V8. "Surprisingly," said one agent, "it has pretty good 0-60 pickup."

3.7: Average miles to the gallon
12: Number of actual Beasts in service
$1.5 million: How much each Beast costs
18: How long the Beast is, in feet
8: Thickness, in inches, of the doors' armor plating
5: Thickness, in inches, of the windows–bulletproof, of course
15,000: Best guess on how much the Beast weighs, in pounds (the exact number is classified)
 
Here are more security details in pictures:
 
Source: http://www.tori.ng/news/5395/all-you-need-to-know-about-the-beast-the-us-presid.html

temb:
I recently just concluded my nysc this July and have since been trying to secure a job...Now I have been sending many applications since February but still no luck...

The question now is that if I acquire a masters degree, would that guarantee me a job in Nigeria...or everything is based on connection, because I am really confused. don't know whether I should use the little money I saved up during my nysc to pursue masters or I should keep on the job hunt.....

I would appreciate good advice from experienced people here and lastly I graduated with a 2.2 in the dept of metallurgical and materials engineering.

Here is the best advice for u. Go for ur masters.the way nigeria is growing now,soon bsc will be ntn. It is true that some jobs need experience m than certificates level.but no matter how u view it education is the key esp wen it is higher.I am an example.whr I am today is becos of my masters degree.I had this confusion my own time.now I'm happy I did it. Forget hw long it took u to get d job. Even if the job u finally gets is not requiring ur masters,no prblm.the end justifies the means n u must not stay in any job u get. Wen u get a job u r still looking for a better one. I am in uniform n I will tell u that msc is respected so much here ,no doubt. Smbdy advised u to go for professional cert. It is good but msc n phd cnt be compared with that one still. Even though it depends on the area u find urself working.but d basic is msc.then wen u r working u can add any other prof cert to it. This is my candid advice.it is easier to do ur professional certificate as u r working cos its all part time. But ur msc u shld go for full time n do it now u got the brain n still fresh.if u r working n wanna run full time msc it won't be easy but u cn do ur prof cerfication anytime as u wish. Choose wisely

snazzy5050:
Snd ur whatsapp no or pm me

Couldn't reach u with d phone number u put there.nw this is my whatsapp number 08037785437

snazzy5050:
Very true..
Am a living wiithness to that, ever since I stopped my bloging site and entered into affiliate marketing, have enjoyed that decision of ma life

See me as a novice who knows ntn as being discussed. Pls hw do one make money online let me not be wasting time staying online all d time n getting no returns

Midehi:
waooo...*catches the kiss*

Infact I asked this nairaland flood that carried a married woman to a single's bed to carry u too to my own side too. Then it will be more than a kiss kiss *winks

Pls let their be much heavier flood let me knw if the flood will can another to my own bed but flood pls if u see married woman u pass.u knw my spec ,I trust u. The flood that will even carry her get onyokometer to c d correct one n d information reaching me is that d flood dey gym already,dey do press up join

Midehi:
*singing* *cut your coat according to your cloth.


broke guys always go for classless babes, so i dont think its a crime to visit such places cos they are both brokers

Dear I love ur reasonning. They shld be guilty if they go for ladies of class n take them to the aforementioned areas. Small cat to small rat n big cat to big rat simple. I blow u some kisses

XTROVAT:
Wat was she doing in the 6th pix

Guess the hubby dey touch her ass n she was wither supporting him or telling him to stop that they r infront of the camera. "Wait till this party is over n u will get enuf of it"

CR77:
Dem never test sweet Dick before.


Waiting sweet pass Dick self

Hmmmm. Let me think wetin swt pass am

For me I suggest he just goes ahead and marry.its not all about snapping pics with white lady. U hv the money,do sometin meaningful with it

I'm surprised that some women in the quest for feminism will say we hv not heard frm d woman or just one side of a coin. No matter what the man has done pouring hot water is an extreme of the revenge.or was the man the reason why they switch house- maids anyhow too? Let's read well b4 we judge. She did what I consider demonic n wicked. Even to hv locked him up not to seek for help.

Decryptor:
Not at all but i have noticed that most stories posted by Sahara Reporters reeks nothing but falsehood and this is very wrong especially for a very popular media platform like theirs. Imagine what it could do to his reputation and even his safety?

What if the man is into Forex or he was sent by his employers to cash or deposit that money hence his presence in that bank and now this damaging report? It could put him in danger.

45-year old Lawrence Agbe (pictured above) was yesterday July 7th arrested by security officials at the Muritala mohammed international airport ikeja
Lagos while trying to transport fake dollar bills totaling $2.1 million from Lagos to Abuja. 

While speaking on the arrest, the Commissioner of Police for the command, Mr. Fredrick Lakanu, said during interrogation Lawrence said the fake dollar bills were owned by one Steve.
"After further interrogation, the suspect mentioned one Steve residing in Abuja as the owner of the said €1.25m. But Steve is at large.”CP Lakanu said
.So bro he has a name.I think u shld hv read this part too. I'm not saying ur observation is wrong but I'm giving u more facts frm the news to do more research.u may be wrong after all or right but dig deeper,becos he could hv been taken to a bank to use their machine to recount d money. Just do more reasearch n get bak to us

beemzy2014:
COUNTLESS

Guess u like it pass me. As for me I will do and do eh.so don't meet my type or u ask for mercy*winks

tchidi:
O Lord!!!!!
No be una cause am? Una too de find 'extra'. So we wan give una extra.

Una dey gv us extra fake jor if na extra real that's cool by us

Then either the police doesn't know their work or u don't know urs. Each recharge card is attached to a particular cluster.if the pick it up there in ntwrk datbase it will reveal the location it was loaded n time of loading.mayb u loaded two days ago n the crime was committed this morning hw does it relate to u. If the police knows their job they shldnt arrest u pls. So if any police endicts u for such demand they gv u full details of the info they got frm the mobile ntwrk. Meanwhile discard the cards n play safe becos they may not gv u d chance to prove ur point

I dnt knw if anyone has read the book of manners my Tim lahaye. It says "if a lady takes a guy out,the lady shld pay but thru the guy. She will hand the guy the money even before they enter the resturant. The guy pays but with the lady's money. Except the guy took the girl out". And if they met in the hotel by coincidence and ate together ,each pays his or her own bill.except one decidehat d meal would be had on him or her. That's the rule.so I see ntn wrong with what the guy did.the unmanly thing I see here is running away tins. But as for payment,the girl shld pay. And her taking it to the social ntwrk is crazy becos she will end up getting more jeers,corn,disdain and mockery than the guy would.its already happening here

CR77:
I hope it work because i'm tired of wearing rubber

Are the one that wears the rubber or ur man does.so dnt be tired but he shld be.

Pls does anyone see that carton of voltic bottle water used as ballot box.is that the best a whole house members cn come up with

FruityLass:
An eyesore

But I hate when guys don't wear boxers/briefs.

Hope u knw many ladies now wear leggies without pant claiming pants will show in d leggies,esp thick leggies. If pant will show what will bare ass do. Or u tink I'm wrong on this? Well I dnt knw if any guy doesn't wear boxers.even d guy in crazy pic he's one just that he is too stupid

FruityLass:
An eyesore

But I hate when guys don't wear boxers/briefs.

Hope u knw many ladies now wear leggies without pant claiming pants will show in d leggies,esp thick leggies. If pant will show what will bare ass do. Or u tink I'm wrong on this?

[quote author=moreInchies post=34266579]Well, I never believed the gibberish. on seeing the pic, what I thought was; how can this young niccur be buhari's FIRST son
I share ur view too. That was what I said unto myself. How can this be buhari's first son n looking like he just left teens. D second thought was like "mayb he is the third wife's son becos muslims marry many wives n present one as first lady