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17) CONTRACTING AND YOU: With a contracting career, you can theoretically move from from earning 10pounds per hour to 30 pounds within 12 months. How? You do a 1 month contract for 10GBP initially; the next 1 month contract, you can charge 13 pounds; the next you can charge 17 pounds... and on and on it goes. This is only in theory. Your challenge in trying to close the gap between theory and practice -another bulky topic.

Remember that we are talking here about people that are extremely smart despite their average university grades. In UK, experience is key, and valued over many other things. So if an uneducated person has been building cars for a company for 5 years, do not expect that you would be in a more senior position even if your are a Masters degree holder in Engineering. So as a contractor, you need to have or develop experience really fast. To increase your rating, you must have a unique ability to gain a condensed experience within a shorter timeline than your contemporaries. Lets say you've deciced to be a Project Manager, and have actually got the job because your employers assume you've got 3 years experience whereas you've got only a month's experience. You would need to immerse yourself in the job and learn fast not only internally, but also externally using cluster networks of other PM professionals. You need to simulate as much processes as possible, both physically and mentally. Learn what can gor wrong .etc.

For the next step (say you're earning 18GBP per hr and wish to start earning 25GBP per hr) learn from you job also. Lets say you're a junior business analyst and wish to become a Business Analyst. Try to understand what the Senior BA does, play around with the tools she uses. Some organisations will not give you the chance to fill in for the Senior BA, so learn around them. Mentally see yourself in such positions and in different scenarios. Look out for any oppurtunity where you can roll up your sleeves and delve into.

16) You made a 2.2 in your Nigeria Degree, and seem not be wanted in the professional career path of the UK. Hurray!! this means you are free from the fear that comes with security. You are an inbetweener, you could fall or rise in the professional path depending on how well you play your cards. You probably tried for a master's degree in the UK. If you graduate with a 1st, you could be accepted back into to elite list, and all your previous 2.2 sins forgiven. Now if you made a 2.2 or 2.1, your strategy would need to change considerably.

I introduce to you CONTRACTING. This is your chance to have a global career. Wow!! Once more, I might need to go deeply into what contracting is all about and how you fit in. This would be labourious, so I'll skip loads of stuff.

The UK economy/recruiters/big companies are constantly looking out for 'stars'. These are the ones that somehow fit into the top percentile we mentioned earlier. I mean, there is even a TV program by Lord Sugar that pushes this. Now, the problem is that stars are most times very security conciouse. They get into a job, a rise through it. They hardly move horizontally. The UK sytem is also so structured that you hardly jump the queue except you're one of the chosen ones. But the beautiful thing is that the system constantly yearns for stars. This is where you as a 9ja person has an advantage over the oyibos. You are like Melchizedek, you have no past. So, if you worked in Total filling station in Nigeria as a fuel attendant. Your title in your CV could simply become 'Sales'. Now, when the reference gets to Total Nigeria, you can't be said to have actually lied. Your job role then changes to meet the new position. So instead of saying- I sold fuel to cars, it could become, -developed weekly sales statistics on vehicular transport using spreadsheets.

But, you must know what you're talking about. This is also why your appearance, communication skills etc might mean much. If you look and talk like a sales attendant instead of a sales executive, - We will know.

Now, you would have noticed that the kind of twigging that is required in your CV, lifestyle, composure etc, would not be easy to achieve if you do not actually have a top percentile mindset. So you being a 2.2 or 3rd class material and being able to achieve this successfully should make you realize that you’ve actually got a 1st class brain, but somehow slipped in the earlier parts of your life. So welcome up here to were you actually belong.

15) Still on 12 and 13 -Qualifications and You.

So you didnt make a 2.1 in your first degree, and you've spent money on further studies. What do you now do? We'll your strategy would be based on understanding the principles behind the UK society. Once you understand this, you have the key to plug in and can do away with any of my linear suggestions, work yourself thorugh the intricate web and acheive what you need to.

In UK, and I guess in many parts of the western world the system operates like a bell-shaped graph (I don't know how to copy and paste, but someone could please help me with the pix. Thank you.)

Now, this is what the system always wants. Some people at the top, lots of people in the middle and some people at the bottom. Most systems within the big UK system are modelled this way, and to feed this system. Now, unlike Nigeria, the economist, policy makers, social engineers over there seem to actively engage with this model.

Now, I bet you understand why attending the top ten Universities in UK matters a lot no matter how unproductive you might actually be (remember George Bush's Harvard in the US). The system kinda expects the to 30 percentile to continue to remain the same from cradle to grave. So, your being a 2.1 or 1st material, it is assumed that you are one of the gifted ones, and the others are not. You have access to the best 30% of schools, the best 30% of spouses, the best 30% of job oppurtunities, and the best 30% of rapid promotions. That is why a 38 year old George Osborne could hold such a powerful british portfolio as the exchequer. WOW!! He's parents, and probably those before them simply plugged in the top percentile part of the bell shape, and this is the result.

So as a 2.2, 3rd class, migrant, trader,or uneducated fella, how do you plug into this top percentile and hitch a free ride? How do you take advantage of the elitist nature of the UK system. There is no straight answer to this, but many. It could depend on your context, your goal etc. Some people decide to marry into this percentile (this was very common in medieval britain), some people buy their way into it in various ways.

I will be addressing those with 2.2's on some ways that they can plug into the heirachal nature of the system

14) Back to 13) which is the issue of UK/Nigerian qualifications: My experience shows that all Nigerian Universities and mony others in Africa and beyond are taken as the same within the UK working world. So, they do not value your MAU or Covenant University certificate more than someone else's that finished from what some might call a local university in Nigeria. Now, don't get overly excited yet. Interesting it seems that they do not also value many of their own UK certificates more than yours. It's all considered to be flat, -yours and theirs, except you attended on of the top global universities.

Remember I had said that the UK system is elitist in nature. Your degrees start getting exciting to them if it it is from various countries, and is different from what they would usually see. So, lets as a Nigerian, you schooled in France, Canada and the US (even in their cheapest schools). The recruiters would almost immediately consider you as 'gold dust'. These things are quite complicated and not so straight forward.

Now, with your Nigeria and British normal certificates, what would set you apart is the grades and courses you acheived when in the University. 2.1's and 1sts are winners any day. These two kind of degrees will push you far in your acceptance into red brick universities and graduate careers.

So lets say a young man named Emeka attended University of Eba in Nigeria and made a 2.1 or 1st class in Bio-Chemistry. He went on to do an MBA in a lowly rated but (scholarship funded) university in the UK, and came out with a 2.1 minimum. For the ext two years after graduation, Emeka would have the oppurtunity to apply to top global companies around the world with a presence in the UK. He would be called for loads of interviews. The rest would be up to him.

If on the other hand, Suleiman attended the illustrous UNIfe in Nigeria and graduated with a 3rd class in Engineering. He studies in an averagely rated but expensive school in the UK and now graduates with a 2.1 MBA. He might have a tough time getting a graduate job. The reason is because many HR graduate hire computer systems are programmed to get rid of people that did not acheive a 2.1 or higher in their undergraduate degrees. I have tested this theory several times, and you can too. How do you do this? Simple. Create 2 cv's with different degree grades like I've mentioned and send them out to graduate recruiters. The content can even remain the same. You can go a step further while doing this excercise to send other CV's for examle in one, you could remove the country were you earlier worked, or change your name to something easy like Ben John. All these could give you a huge feel of how the system works.

13) I'll get back to the qualification thing later but thought I should share this first- THE DIFFERENT PROFESSIONS AND THEIR IMPLICATIONS in UK: You might earn much as a mechanic in the UK, or as a builder, cab driver or train driver (about 40,000GBP) per month. The challenge that you might face is the transferability of such skills to other environments like Nigeria. Personally, I have noticed that folks who do such jobs are reluctant to come back to NIgeria (they try hard to save face), and if they do come, they try setting up unrelated businesses.

The UK trys its best to make all jobs look dignified, and I like this. Another thing about the UK is that the unit of labour is per the hour. I could push further to share economic scenarios in the UK, and their implication for your professional career choice, but this would be bulky. But please be aware that one of the major push for an immigration flood by the previous labour government was in order to increase the supply of folks willing to do such cleaning, mechanic, hairdressing jobs. They are usually referred to as the jobs that the british don't want to touch. This is to say that as more immigrants do these jobs, the take-home pay will reduce. This might not be in your time, but as more and more people are encouraged to go and practice mechanic work in the UK, this will end up happening. These kind of jobs also have the advantage that they do not have retirement times, so unlike their professional colleagues, they can always work even until they are in their 70's. But, just as you will work hard to become a recognised professionl, you might also need to work very hard to become a recognized mechanic.

But remember to stop and think, what do you really want in the long, middle and short term? Where are you comming from? (I mean, it is progress if a desert becomes a savanah, but the savannah's own definition of progress should be becoming a forest i think)

Another easy strategy you could take is trying to be the best in WHEREVER YOU FIND YOURSELF. Yeah, this sounds defeatist to some, however its an easy strategy if you don't mind having either a professional or non professional career. I'll give you an example based on two of my UK Master's friends working in the same kind of temporary cleaning job originally paying about 9.00GBP per hour. The two were retained, with an offer of accomodation in where they were doing their cleaning work. One accepted, while they other declined and quit. The second found another job paying 7.00GBP in an oficial capcity. He is today on a 36000GBP/Annum profesiional job. Ofcourse, with his degree, the first might also rise to become the head of the cleaners some day, you never can tell.

If it were you, in their shoes, what will you do?

12) QUALITY OF UK/NIGERIAN CERTIFICATES AND YOU: Do your Nigerian certificates carry any weight in the UK?, Do any of your certificates even matter at all despite all the many degrees? Are you being ripped off by the UK system that promises you gold dust then gives you ashes? How do your success fit into this intricate web of qualification from home and abroad. I've already laid down some of the foundation that helps us in navigating future topics in earlier posts. I'll be teaching us some well tested strategies and rigorous observations on this very important issues soon.


I'm tired and will now go to rest. See you some other time

11)APPEARANCE MATTERS: If you've read the book the "Rules of Work" you'll understand this point clearly. If as a guy (I don't know much about the ladies) you've worked in Nigeria banks previously, you would more easilly fit in. Others might have issues with things like their beards, it differs from place to place. The recruiter always looks at you and tries to mentally fit you into your working envirenmont as compared to others. The golden rule here is to dress up conservatively for the recruiters interview. For the job interview at work, try mirroring the dress patern of your line manager if he is conducting the interview. For example, if your future line manager is interviewing you and you notice that he is not wearing a tie or jacket, you could make a humourous remark about the warm weather and ask if it alright to take of your tie). When you start working, dress like those that occupy positions that you aim for. This is not spiritual, but a pure scientific law capable of yielding immense results. You could decide to be unique in your appearance, I have no personal experience of such and therefore do not know the outcomes. I am just sharing outcomes that are proven time and time again to work

10) YOUR CV: Now this is extremely important, but unfortunately I cannot cover all of this. PEOPLE THAT SEEK VALUE ACTUALLY PAY FOR SUCH INFORMATION, so please the least we can do is not to adorn the pig's nose with a golden ring.

Make sure say your CV within a 2 second glance conveys your fit with the job wen you dey apply for. Forget all the crap wen they teach you about writing a CV. They're pure theory only. I learnt this the hard way.

This is even the case if u dey look for cleaner work or you one lecture or you wan be engineer or scientist. I could give you many reasons why this is important, but I'll give you this one. Yo're not the only person looking for that job, even if its a mechanic job. What sets u apart from the pile of CV's is that unlike the others, everything about your being is mechanic oriented. In you secondary scool you built a small car. your hobby is driving motor. In your university even though you studied english, it was english that related to making brochures for cars and lorries. Your masters dissertation even if it was in Finance, was about the credit crunch and its effect on Ford and other American motor companies. You get d point? Take away distractions from the CV -Worked as a PA in the UNited Nations. This won't fly if yo're hustling to be a mechanic.

Use the same process in writing your professional CV, but please be careful here. Don't oversell yourself as although you will surely be called for an interview, you might end up beinng chucked out. Don't underate or overate yourself, just start were you are and give youself timelines while learning on the job.

9) CHOOSE YOUR UNIVERSITY CAREFULLY: These rules are not straight jacket rules. Think not of the rules, but of its effects. The university you attend in the UK could make a huge difference in your life. Remember that I said earlier that UK is an elitist country. Attend one of the 10 best universities in the UK, and you do not need to change your communication one bit (oyibos might even happily struggle to want to hear you or to speak like you). You might even graduate with a 3rd class, and Recruiters from all over the world will headhunt you while you are still studying. But offcourse we know that this might be competitive and extremely costly to get into such universities. This is were you begin to twig your strategy. As the Universities drop in rating, work hard to make a 2.1 or first class. For example, if you make a first class in a very cheap university, you'll still go as far as someone that made a 2:2 from Oxford all depending on how you play your card

Avoid attending universities that are expensive and yet have no real value. Its actually better to attend cheaper universities and make excellent grades. Look out for universities were good companies such as accenture, shell, Lloyds actively recruit from.

Watch the company you keep. Having Nigerian friends in the UK is very important, but take your time to categorise them albeit subtly. Many Nigeria friends will be very helpfull in pointing you out to casual work. Thank God for that. This is immensely beneficial especially in your starting stage. However some refuse to budge from such casual work positions. This is wher e you need skills to be able to hold on to them while also maintaining another category of friends that want to go places. These other friends both Nigerians and foreigners will be useful in running side-by-side with you as you reach for higher goals. They are the ones that point out recruitment events, scholarship oppurtunities, refer you to their managers for jobs, and other high value associations. Never forget this. To be successfull as a professional in the UK, you need both categories of friends.

7) I'm back to touch on success tips for prospective Nigerian professionls in the UK. These tips can be adjusted for use by different nationalities.

AVOID BEING SMELLY: Indians are usually regarded as being smelly in the UK. But this is discussed in hush tones. Many might not even know about this. The reason for the 'smell' is simply the spices used in their food. Ofcourse, smells are a sensitive subject and has a lot do with the brains function. In order words, what is smelly to one person might not be smelly to others. In the same way, many Nigerian foods affect the way you smell in the office in UK. For example, if you eat a real smelly he-goat, you might stink your office without you knowing it. Personaly, I eat Nigerian meals on Friday evenings and all through Saturday, but avoid many of them during the weekdays. If you are considered to be smelly, you would never be told. That's one of the things you'll learn about UK with time. As time goes on you will soon learn to differentiate 'smelly' foods from others

6) I don tire. I'll take a break and continue some other time if folks are interested in not just going abroad to hustle, but to become respectable professionals capable of standing shoulder to shoulder with people from every race.

Also, you might be surprised to know that quite a number of 9ja folks I've met in the UK, have this "we be graashopper dem be giant' approach wen dealing with oyibos. So sad. Many are also only intersted in what they can buy in the UK to sell in Nigeria. That is why you see that our queues in the UK departure lounge seem to have the greatest mass of luggages. Although I am guilt of this sometimes,but I think we should stop and think.

Should we always be the underdogs? What about buying things from Nigeria to sell in the UK? Even business relationships we develope with the UK is all about such skewed relationships. Even the oyibo's we follow in the UK are mostly the left overs from my assessment. Our girls follow their old men, our boys follow their old or fat women (I am not against fat women oo, I just don't like the pattern of psychological defeat)

Lets challenge ourselves

5) Still on communication: Remember that we are talking about getting into the professional career track here. These are jobs that the salary ranges from about 10GBP per hour to about 50GBP ber hour. If you've got an American accent you would be loved (UK oyibos like americans well, well. US na their own jand). Most times, befor you get into these jobs, you might pass through an external recruiter like me. These recruiters are even more demanding than the companies when it comes to communication skills. The reason is because if they send the applicant to the company, and the company is not impressed, they might loose future contracts. So,the recruiters like HAY etc no they play with this at all. Your communication skills might not be so , so important in public companies. This is because the government organisations are careful about being accused of discrimination.

4) You must understand that oyibos in the UK are very elitist, very. Please take note of this, as this will permeate every relationship that you have with them, and other parts of the adaptation proceess that I will explain to you. They LOOK DOWN on many things any many races,many cultures etc. So a good starting point for your strategy will be to realise this. Still on communication skills: They might easilly love your accent if its a fulani one. You don't really need to adapt this except you don't have a clear english communication and structure. If you're a cute female, they might easilly accept you accent as long as your english is clear. But God save you if you're a black male with a strong yoruba, benin or igbo accent. Matters go worse if you dey on the big side

3) By communication skills, I mean you have to be able to understand the oyibos when they talk. This is very important to them so that you do not make mistakes when executing instructions. Without being able to hear them, they run the risk of running into many problems which unfortunately space will not allow me to list here. However, I'll give a little example using someone working in the front office part of a bank or restaurant. If you're asked for a bill, and you provide something else. The oyibo might be upset and if this gets to the manager, he's not going to be happy with you in anyway. Because this is bad for their business (I'll also explain the way oyibo minds work in a later post). You also need to be able to talk in a way that they'll understand..VERY IMPORTANT, and that they like... also quite important. Some Nigerian folks have changed their accents successfully, others simply adapt by using proper pronunciations while maintaing their accents.

Apart from some roles such as IT back office, you would need a fairly good communication skill. Without this, you might not go very far. The reson you might even be able to get into such back office roles such as technical IT in the first place, is because folks from UK lack such IT skills, and oyibos are already used to unclear communication with Indians who mainly occupy such roles. In such roles, you can afford to be a little bit smelly (I will touch on the smelly bit later)

I worked in a recruiting company in the UK for a long time, and used this as an oppurtunity to study the system

In the UK, your Nigerian degree and even your added UK masters degree does not really matter except applied carefully. You would see many Nigerian masters degree holders and some PHD's doing security jobs, cleaning, dish washing etc. Many Nigerians find themselves settling into these routine jobs. Unfortunate, as without spending money on your degrees, you would have been able to get these jobs by building such skill sets cheaply

Hi everyone. I'll give you tips on how to be successful in the UK. This advise is for only those that want to have a global career. I am telling you this because it is much much easier to be kinda successful at manial jobs in the UK that in a real career job. I know what I am talking about because I have followed the steps I am going to be sharing with you.

Now, let me teach some of us the way to think critically. You would need this in your journey through life if you want to avoid being as simple minded as everyone else.

Look at the flyer of Fireman's HOT GIRLS, and mentally move things around. For example, imagine that the words were not there, or that it was just one girl in the picture, or that Fireman's pix was that of a woman, or that Firman was looking shabby. You would notice that the effect is different.

Now, back to looking at the flyer in the through form, you might suddenly realise that it is simply meant to provoke attention without neccessarily being indescent. I mean gaining attention, is that not one of the unique characteristics of any marketing strategy. Even during the mating 'game'. Boys trying to attract girls or the other way round. The breweries use this too. Everybody does thos

Dude, if you don't realise this. Sad

Lets take one of the issues of posters of HOT girls needing to come to church without even refering to Fireman's explanation. What is wrong with this I beg you? In my university days, I was bombarded with Scripture Union kinda churches and the effizy ones preaching and advertizing round the campus that real 'guy men' attend church or get born again. How is this different from Fireman's flyer suggesting that a real hot girl should attend his church. Lets consider the dressing of the girls in the posters, they don't seem in anyway indescent if you ask me. I sure won't flinch if my daughter, wife, mom, sister or girlfriend dresses like any of the girls in the poster. I don't think many of you from the christian south would mind either. I think what bring out the fury in most people is the entire mix of the words, girls and the one funky pastor used in the poster. And I think that this is a function of our dirty minds (this does not mean that the Fireman guys doesn't also have a dirty mind, neither does it imply that he does).

Wow! I wonder to myself: are we just having fun yabbing the Fireman guy or actually critisizing him. If its the first, then well go ahead. I mean everybody that is somebody in this world is yabbed for the fun of it. That's the way of life, and makes for good comedy relief (much like what politicians do to their opponents all over the world). If its just plain bad belle critism, then the reasoning displayed by most of the commentators is to say the least mediocre, and quite unfortunate for educated people. I'll explain in subsequent posts.

Its only normal that you would meet people that would offer to sell you their fish farming experience. They might not have your best interest at heart, but unfortunately, you cannot do without them. It's only part of the cost of setting up your fish business. My advice to you is to invest money that you can afford to loose on it. Cheers and goodluck.

I've had a fishfarm for about 6 years now. It's not as lucrative as people say it is, but it could be if you utlize the right business model. Usually, you'll be squeezed by the fish feed sellers and the large scale buyers.