I need genuine opinions on a relationship dilemma.
My younger sister is 31 years old. She's highly educated with a master's degree, works with an NGO as a Programme Coordinator and Mental Health Counselor, and is also a skilled fashion designer with equipment worth over ₦2 million. She's hardworking, focused, and has consistently supported our family. Her job has taken her across different states, exposing her to diverse experiences and opportunities. Above all, she's deeply committed to her Christian faith.
She recently met a fellow church brother who has expressed serious interest in marrying her. However, he left school after Primary Six and works as a traditional window louvre fabricator. While there's absolutely nothing wrong with learning a trade, he has had opportunities to upgrade his skills to modern aluminium fabrication but hasn't pursued them. Instead, he seems more interested in becoming a pastor or working in a church, though he currently has no clear or realistic path to achieving that.
Another concern is the family dynamic. My mother and the young man's mother serve in the same church unit. On several occasions, whenever he goes out for a job, his mother would call him back or redirect him for other errands, and she would even mention these things to my mother. This has given us the impression that she relies heavily on him, raising concerns about the level of responsibility he already carries within his family and how that might affect his future marriage.
My mother strongly opposes the relationship, believing the gap in education, career progression, ambition, life direction, and even family expectations is too significant. I understand her concerns and tend to agree, but it also raises an important question.
Can love alone sustain a marriage when there's such a wide difference in education, ambition, exposure, career growth, and family responsibilities? Or should long-term compatibility, shared vision, emotional maturity, and the ability to build a stable future together carry more weight than love?
I'd genuinely appreciate respectful and honest opinions from both married and unmarried people. Please keep the discussion civil and objective—this isn't about looking down on anyone because of their educational background or occupation, but about understanding what truly makes a marriage work in the long run.
Except it's God telling her to marry the guy (not pastor telling her oo), she must not make that mistake of marrying the guy.
31 years old is young. Very young.
Na poor unprogressive men dey think say that is old.
Roads dont get closed in the UK for state visits as is done in nigeria. As the VIP passes, a dispatch rider goes forward to signal that an entourage is coming, then, the uncoming traffic temporarily waits until the dispatch riders move on.
That massive convoy is of Nigerians and maybe their paid security. UK PM's use a very light convoy. You only even notice because of the accompanying dispatch riders
“Everybody will slug it out in the presidential primary, apparently”, he said.
What exactly does this mean? Is it the Atiku way of sharing money to delegates?
And what delegates will vote in the primaries exactly? Is it the compromised folks residing in the different villages, who have no time and interest for grammer and choosing a suave leader but just want stomach infrastructure?
Liazz: Am I being unreasonable being mad at my wife? We relocated abroad 3 years ago but she isn't helping to settle any of the bills.
We both are gainfully employed though I earn much than she does. Our monthly expenditure is about £2000 and she doesn't care to help in any way. I foot all bills making me struggle to save while she keeps all she earns to herself. We also had a loan of over 10 thousand pounds to settle when we relocated, she didn't help with a dime till I paid all bits by bits which took me almost 2 years.
Despite this, I still help with house chores like taking care of our kids, home cleaning and even washing dishes though she does all the cooking. I've expressed my displeasure several times but she keeps insisting I can't force her to financially assist, it's my job as I'm the husband. She seems convinced she isn't doing any wrong and no sign of remorse whatsoever.
I financed our relocation 100% without her contributing a dime.
This is causing a strain in the marriage and I am thinking if I am unreasonable in my demand, am I? Your comments are highly welcome.
Interesting
Well in Nigeria, its doable for a men to pick all the home bills alone.
In UK. It is almost impossible. Your wife has told you you cant force her. That is the language you said she used. Hopefully, that should mean that she can "voluntarily" contribute, and you thank her profusely and not take it for granted.
There are many other great options people have put forward.
There is the option or threat of separation or divorce. The advantage is that asides the emotional toll, it does not put you in a worse financial state than you already are in. Just guide against any allegation of violence from you if that happens. That could give you a criminal record and kill off your earning potentials. If you are separated she takes on all of the domestic chores as well as starts footing lots of bills. So is worse off emotionally, physically and financially.
Another option is to escalate it to elders in both your families. It should be those who have stayed abroad before and so who know how hard it is for anyone whether husband or wife to singularly bear doing the house chores or paying the bills.
Alternatively, If you're not receiving enough to cover your bills and save without your wife's assistance, then be ready to cut your bills drastically. If it means you guys moving house to somewhere cheaper, and maybe even losing your car, then do it. If it even means relocating. If she has decided that her finances dont matter, then it really doesnt matter where you move the family to even if she looses her job. You still the one footing the bills. If you even want/ or threaten to send the family back to Nigeria unchallenged while you remain and earn in UK, you'd have every right to do so since she has gladly placed the patriarchal rights at you feet.
You should be ready to make this a major issue. ...but general rule is that you no too look her money sha. Just ensure reasonableness
yinkaOdutuyo: Hello parents and guardians and health practitioners in the house, I want to ask can a 2year old bow legs straight naturally or only with surgery.
because her parent cant stand the look of the bow legs, many people are recommending surgery, while some said it will correct on it's own between her 3years to 4years as she grows.
pls her parent needed your advices to know which actions to take.
At about that age, my pictures showed that i had a slight but conspicuous bow. well, i outgrew it and now even have a a slight K-leg which is the reverse of a bow.
But best to follow doctors advice if they have nothing to benefit from the surgery. I.e if they are only consulting and will not be in anyway associated with choosing the surgeons.
BreconHills: I am of the opinion that anyone that rules a place must be
1. Personally invested in the state by reason of time. 2. Understand the culture of the place and not seek to undermine, blend, or substitute another culture for some one Nigeria nonse*se. One Nigeria is a consequence of the union between federating states, it is not the originating factor. Loyalty to state and region is not at odds with one Nigeria. No one would care who scored the winning goal for Nigeria in a world cup final!
So, the governorship of Lagos state is the steward of its economy AND it's culture. Anyone that would be governor in any statemust meet this criteria. It is not one rule for Lagos and one rule for other states.
This idea of indigeneship on the basis of slave returnee is seriously flawed. It is an elitist mindset that Lagos has broken free of and should not return to. Let me explain.
While Lagos was a slave port. It represented a very tiny portion of slave "exports" Most of these slaves were captured upcountry in.places now known as Ondo, Osun, Ekiti, Oyo, and Ogun because these was where the tribal wars were taking place eg the Kiriji war within the Yoruba confederation. These captured slaves RETURNED to Lagos and claimed lagos as their state by reason of long habitation( nothing wrong with this) however many of these people brought a western or south America culture which was fused on local culture - eg Lagos carnival which is basically Brazilian. These were ways they reminded the homeland and it became part of their culture.
The colonial masters loved working with these people because they went to church, spoke good English, raced horses and lived out western culture which was "civilized" and not "bush" like the others.
They promoted these people and kickstarted the educated meritocracy. They ignored educated people like Funmi Ransome Kuti, leaders of the Market women's strike, the railworkers strike, the miner leaders at Ivie vally in the East and the leaders of the Aba wonens riots as rabble trousers, communists and undesirable elements. Some of the national heroes we have today are there simply because they were "righteously" westernized and no longer truly represented of the deep interests of indigenes including the right to develop and grow on the pathway of their culture instead of burning these boats in favour of western civilization. There are exceptions such as J. Randle snr who fought for the rights of lagosians until they fell into hand of the more savvy one Nigeria politicians and the military.
So the idea of lagos indigeneship is murky which is why the 2 tests are important. A lagos governor cannot have dual state hood. He/she must be committed to the economy and culture of Lagos over every personal antecedent and every historical state of orign from their family history. He or she is not there to represent the values and culture of non lagosians under the guise of "one Nigeria". Lagos cannot be ruled by people that will not defend its interests over their family antecedents and the voting public must be educated or re- educated to understand the need for a 100% commitment to the state; it's history, economy and culture. Iam unashamedly from Ekiti by the way, and though my father served in the Federal Govt from 1962-79 we never claimed Lagos indigeneship. We love Lagos but we cannot abrogate a history that we have traced back to 1815 in the region now known as Ekiti even though we have also have Nupe element by reason of ancestor marriage. To do so would alter our strengths and eventually collapse our history. Rewriting history is dangerous - it has to be 100% or as close as. Even the parts we may not like, because they are dark or unpleasant will eventually over time become important and valid lessons and warnings for future generations.
Long road for those who read.
Nice, Really nice thinking process. I've missed that on this forum for a while now.
kettykin: Jumia like Amazon is not supposed to be profitable. They should develop other strategy and streams of income like a cloud based business like aws. A streaming service etc. Warehousing and logistics business
You are largely correct. Amazon as a retailer when analysed as a sum of its parts is loss making. What they have succeeded in doing is shifting majority of the retail to 3rd party to bear the loss, while they charge them fees for using their platform.
These fees are what is profitable. It can be compared to someone owning a market and collecting rent, while allowing traders compete at very low and loss making margins in the stalls.
esere826: I need help in communicating Donno where to post this, but I believe that folks in the family section are mature and experienced and could help
I have never been shy of talking when a subject excites me In fact I love lecturing/speaking
My challenge is that recently, I have come to realise that I am usually short of words when explaining issues I feel that this might be making me look unitelligent
The reason for this challenge is that I am begining to know/learn more and more broad and diverse subject matters I am therefore faced with an issue of multiple vocabulary/jargons associated with such diverse range of subject matters Also my brain is always spinning with analysis, measuring issues, identifying risks, oppurtunities, gaps etc
So when I stand to talk, i find myself grappling with the challenge of sorting and sifting through huge repositories for the right words to best articulate my point I find it easier to write (maybe because I can fire away and come back to think through and edit) I hate talking slow, and dont want to end up with the slow slurred commuincation associated with some Nigerian big men
As anyone gone through this challenge before? How did you overcome it? I really need help, I do not want this present communication challenge to propel me towards being an introvert
Thanks
This was so loooooong ago I'm now much better in choosing words that fit the audience. Experienced framed me. Some folks complain that they need a dictionary to understand me sha ,....... but ehmmmm
[quote author=Hamachi post=127133711][/quote]There is nothing wrong in providing these details. You can create an alternative email address (ID), as well as register an alternative phone number to provide to your employer if you wish.
Missing PVC for Okota Isolo LGA found in Nobis Hotel Ago palace way
If you were unable to collect your PVC at okota isolo local government you can rush to Nobis Hotel Ago palace way to check if your PVC is there.
Best they announce on social media names on cards they found. Those people will come pick them up, instead of saying everyone should come there to find their cards
Salewabeau: I hope I get the right � reasons here than other channel here since this is the dating thread
My husband and I got married in 2021. He got a job in the UK middle of last year as a skilled worker. He was into tech before he left. Since then I've been the only one in the motherland while he consistently sent something home to cater for myself and rent. Plans are underway to join him as soon as I'm done with NYSC.
Last week, one of my friends in the UK hinted me about something that keeps giving me sleepless nights and terrible unrest. She's a student there and we went to secondary school together. She happened to see my hubby on a dating website. She sent me screenshot of his profile and my husband pictures are all there. Everything. She's on the dating app too.
I confronted my husband after several investigation of the geniuty of what I know. He only yield in after I sent him all evidence that I have. Now he tells me dating app is a norm in the UK and everyone is there. He said he's only there to socialize and meet people, especially Nigerian, but not for dating.
This has caused some issues between us as I wasn't really satisfied with this excuse. I'm tired of constantly thinking my husband is cheating on me.
I love my husband and he's the only man I've ever known.
This is not a problem naw. As he said it's to meet Nigerians and to socialize not to date, you too will join to meet and socialize with people. Tell him to take his time if he tries to stop you.
Sebi they say what is sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander?
Passpands: Hello, I’m 23(M) years old, in my final year in one of the federal universities. I lost my dad when I was 14, lost my my mum when I was 3. Dad never remarried. Only have one jnr sibling who’s the only person I actually talk to.
My problem now is I’m depressed and broke. Due to no help from family I was forced into street(yahoo), it was paying before, atleast I was able to sponsor myself from 100lvl-300lvl now everything is hard for me. The school isn’t even helping matters cause I’ve learnt literally nothing, I just block my way through the different levels. I just only realized I have no meaningful relationship (both friendship and girlfriend). I was too busy hustling for money to survive in life. I have no hobbies and no personality. Lately all I think about is money and how to make money, due to my being sickly and not having any skill, the only way I can think of making money if through fraud ( I really want to change this about me)
I have recently developed this fear that after university, I’ll have a very useless and unproductive life. I actually need advice from elderly once here as I have no one to advice me, I’m just living life without purpose.
I actually have more problems I’d like to voice out but society has made me bottle up my emotions as a man. If anyone really wants to advice me or help please I’d really appreciate it.
Ps: had to create this account today, cause I just had to voice out
I give folks advice that work, but guy, the issues you are facing are just too many for me to advice on. It leans on depressive.
I worry that you are a big target for the forces of darkness that will seek to isolate you, then deal mercilessly with you.
My only advice to you, is that you need to take a walk with Jesus. Two of you need to talk. I'm not saying you should be religious oo, or start giving your money to church, or suddenly become a good lad or start following prophets.
Just ask him that you would like his guidance. He'll sort all of this mess out for you. That's his expertise. Do not worry.
It's finally here, the complete first episode of the long awaited series. I follow four Nigerian strippers operating out of Abuja as they let me into their world: money, fights, taxes, opportunities, crisis resolution, and more.
Maynman: Call them what they are. If you had family relatives that are killers, won’t you call them Murderers?
With all due respect sir. I'll respond for the sake of impressionable minds reading this.
You don't call women whores to their faces or say that about someone's woman (mum, wife, girlfriend, daughter, sister) to their hearing. It's just like you don't call a child a bastard to their face or to someone associated with them. Even someone that is very short, disabled etc should not be talked to that way in their hearing or the hearing of their loved ones without applying some caution.
It has nothing to do with facts. Just simple wisdom and duty of care. Very different from calling a murderer what they are in certain circumstances. You'd need to ponder on the nuances.
Maynman: That’s not an excuse, how can you double date when you are in relationship? How many people do we know she is “double dating” and having unprotected sex with, hook up girls can also claim double dating. And before they married, wasn’t she a fiancée?, how is she single then?
People don’t manage beaten that’s why there’s a name for it called “domestic abuse”. Women marry up, so if your wife is marrying a poor person, she has ulterior motives. Some manage a dull one like the OP, they need someone to take care of their child. The man should manage his wife being a hoe, because she won’t stop bringing an illegal child home abi
The worse thing you can do for yourself is marrying a a single mother or raising another person’s child. Weigh your happiness that your wife cheated and brought a Bastard home? How does that work? Is it the cooking that’s giving the “happiness”, because as we see, we have many people that’s sharing OP wife
You shouldn't call someone wife a LovePeddler. It's impolite.
You have female relatives. You wouldnt want anyone calling them whores even if it was true would you?
Maynman: If she can do it within 5 years of marriage, why can’t she do it again? Your legally married wife is having unprotected sex till the extent of getting pregnant.
1) What if the child is same age as the marriage? Many people double date while single. Doesn't make it right, but it's a fact. 2) In relationships, everything boils down to what each partner can manage. Some people manage being beaten, some manage a poor partner, some manage a cheating one, some manage a dull one, and likewise they are also managed.
If you weigh your happiness against your sadness in your partnership, if your happiness is greater, why stop it? If your sadness is more, why stay?
Meektunz: Been married for over 5 years now and ever since my wife gave birth to my first child, I've been suspecting that it's not my child due to no sense of resemblance.
I finally did a DNA test but unfortunately the result shows that I'm not the father of my first child. No doubt my wife loves me so much and honestly she has done a lot, sacrificed alot for me.
My conscience never allowed me to end the marriage because honestly she is a good wife one could ever ask for though she has her bad sides.
Since the result came out, I never told her or confronted her because I'm very very certain that once I confront her the marriage will end cos alot will happen but everyday once I see the boy and remember, I get so angry but after some time when we are all playing as a family I will forget.
I still do everything a father could do for his son. Honestly it's not easy to forget about everything.
What do you advise me to do guys?
Marriage is a life long relationship, not just love in tokyo. If currently, you're enjoying it, then go on.
But do call her aside and tell her the result. It's really not a thing to be angry about. If she asks for forgiveness, that is no problem. You can and will forgive, but you are not God.
Make her know that you are alright today, but you don't know how tomorrow will be. You will continue to pray that God gives you the needed grace and strength not to let it not worry you in the future
No one asides the two of you need to know about it (plus maybe the kids dad if you both agree to that). If you're thinking of inheritance for your kids, raise all of them to be equal and to expect equal inheritance.
There are somethings that you humanly can't handle. God is the one that will give you the grace to forgive and march on. So don't let it worry you.
These politicians manufacture things from the air, then start running from one court to another making excuses for why they wrote untruths about their certificates.
Congrats to him on the real truth beneath all of this sha
porka: Doctor of Business Degree (PhD)? What does that mean?
Let us the see certificate issued and check how it is written on it.
The reason he is the first one since 1209 might be because the degree is perhaps not important.
And what's with the First Class Honours in a doctoral degree?
Supremedrizzy: Someone gave me a simple job of making an existing static site template responsive within 24 hours and I blew it. A simple task that should take few hours, it looked all good on my localhost only to test it on netlify and it turned out to be a disaster. I'm just so ashamed of myself.
I've been learning web dev since mid last year though its been a case of one month on three months off, I've been grossly inconsistent due circumstances beyond my control. I haven't even coded this year because I come back from my menial hustles with battered bones and weak muscles. You can imagine trying to code after offloading a trailer load of cement all day. I even had to use bet shops around for the gig amidst the pangs of hunger I felt while working coupled with the noisy and distracting environment I was working in which contributed to my legendary blunder.
At the age of 30 and unemployed I've always seen programming as my way out of poverty but it seems I'm not good enough. I'm painfully watching that little flicker of hope fizzle out before my tearful eyes. Which other skill can I dabble into product design?? I suck at designs reason why my frontend skills is below average... should I try backend?? I'm just confused, frustrated and down casted not knowing the next step to take while time is no longer on my side.
Life currently has no meaning and direction to me, I just seem to be flowing aimlessly with the flow. My situation is giving me sleepless nights and I now rely on drugs to sleep for even three hours a day.
I really need someone to talk to, I'm really tired of trying to work out things on my own. I'm 30, broke, lonely and depressed, single has been a constant in my life's equation cos I don't even like myself for who I am presently so I don't expect someone's daughter to like me in this my miserable state.
Someone should please show me the way, this dark tunnel is fast turning to a maze that I can't navigate on my own.
The way is Jesus. To be more precise, the Holy Spirit. Not by a one way prayer channel, but by getting him to download the knowledge and information that you need to navigate the maze you speak about.
But do you realise that you can practice some of your coding in your mind? So after doing all that menial job, and your muscles are weak, you can sit back and mentally go through some coding logic without lifting a finger.
When you are rested and have some time, you can then test the mental logics that you spent time on.
How? It's as easy as this complaint that you wrote.
You thought through it from start to finish, and when you had some time, you then physically wrote it out. That is why it has a flow. I do that a lot too. I solve a problem mentally just before I sleep, then when i start writing out the solution, it looks very easy.
So you see that you already have the skill in you. just channel it to anything you love.
Maybe also try to figure out a way to monetize your fluid impressive writing skills. Maybe even add some of that to the tools you create.
Betterprospect: Good day Nairalander. I'm single, 30 years old. I studied agriculture related course at University level, and I presently worked in that field and I earned about 120k monthly.
I feel unfulfilled and I'm lacking interest day after day. The unfulfillment brewed mostly from my bosses egoistic and narcissistic approach to his employee, the insane working hours, and the lack of liberty, and most importantly, I feel I could do better. Now I have a meagre 2 million naira saved up, small? I know. Buy I'd like to pursue my passion in tech albeit from ground zero.
Now my dilemma is:
1. Seeing that I'm old and already past my prime for a career change at 30 yrs old, does a pursue of another career make sense?
2. Knowing that 2 million is small and would not last long. Does is it make sense to just up and leave?
3. I have a small biz I ideal which I feel could give me close to 50k monthly, but thing is, this is Nigeria and I might be wrong.
4. Should I just suck it up and continue for another year or two? Everyone I asked seems to think I should.
P,S. I worked 12 hours a day and its impossible I merge the two together.
Start tech in your organisation First start by learning excel and helping your teams build excel tools for their daily use. Next move to building more tools with other laguages such as JAVA, python, sql, etc. That is what tech is all about.
You can then with the tech skills learnt and practised in your office move on to other places
GoodFaith: I make 6 figure I am good with my pay I really have 5 years to work and 3 year to Bleep around total of 8 year to go dude I am not looking for more responsibility I make more money managing my stuff
GoodFaith: I have close to 25 year in the tech industry-Insurance company to Banking industry to IBM to government
You definitely are worth more than 70k per annum then, except you are stuck in an old job due to loyalty. In that case, you should be looking at moving right now.
True. but the opportunity is there. The opportunity comes like a wind every once in a while, and if you are prepared, you just jump into the jet stream and it takes you effortlessly to that destination.
There is that opportunity at the moment with uk and US companies looking for employees. Some are even doing 2 jobs at a go right now.
If one is not in the right circle, you may miss all of these info.
Family › Re: Relationship Dilemma by esere826: 12:32pm On Jul 04
This was so loooooong ago
