₦airaland Forum

Mcy56:
@Op, dont make a mistake of believing that people change easily like that.

She cant change especially on the hygiene part. You sounded like you used to give her money right? If she had not used part of the money to take good care of herself and maintain cleanliness, forget it!

Fine, she might pretend to have changed, trying to be clean when you are around but I can confidently tell you that she will go back to her old self.

Okay, I assume you didnt make this story up to discredit her just to dump her sha 'cos some of you guys are wolves in sheep's clothing.

Oh Yes she didn't change just like u said, I've given her suspension now, next one is Red card!

eleko1:
u aren't a slave but a GOOD SAMARITAN.Dnt over stretch urself.Give what u can give them.Dnt allow anybody to put u unda duress. E GO BETA

Thanks Alot

ReinaFarine:
Hmmmm.... I can only comment based on your post here.

Please move out of the house. Not only because your parents are 'burdening' you with financial responsibilities that's crushing you, but because you're an adult. Living with your parents keeps you in a cocoon like state. You're not as independent as you should be. You are not learning what it means to handle some things as an adult living on his own. You cannot be as hardworking as your mate because you live in your family house. So, save enough, get and apartment first. It is going to toughen you up. And from your post, you need some toughening.

Secondly, although it is the African (Nigerian) Culture for a child to take care of his parents in appreciation to them for taking care of him, don't do it to your detriment. Calculate your salary. Maybe you can say:
20% for transport, airtime/data and other day to day expenses you incur...

30% to your parents which includes food, utility bills and etcetera...

40% for savings towards your rent...

10% as emergency fund... Sickness, contribution for some unprecedented situation.

(If you're religious you can make it 15% out of the rent money for tithe and offerings)


After getting the apartment, make sure you set aside at least 20% towards investment in your own dream. After working 6-7 hours, you can't just sleep and chat for the rest of the day. Start creating your legacy. You don't want to 'burden' your kids too do you?

So, explain to mumsi in a calm respectful manner that things are getting a little tithe for you and you have a very very important project so... Your income is automatically deducted by say... 50%. Trust me, if you explain it patiently, she will understand. Don't sha tell her you're moving out yet.

Take care...


PS: you can also get a part time job to compensate...

Excellent!

Peachess:
Move out of your family house.

I'm seriously considering this. I've moved out once but I was just plain stupid to come back!

Throwback:
There is a reason why some tribe in Nigeria are considered to be clannish.

Note that clannishness is a subset of tribal bigotry or tribal nepotism.

If that tribe eventually get a country of their own, the hate mongering they have demonstrated externally will be unleashed internally amongst themselves.

Only one single tribe in this country on this forum, open threads to abuse and denigrate each other and their respective cities and towns.

Only one single clannish hate mongering tribe.

The flat headed criminals from the south.... Oh no! I'm not getting banned today.

Hello house, though some people have accused me of being an ungrateful child by calling out my mother's unbecoming attitude, I wish to state categorically that I do not belong in the group of people that can be tagged as such. But the burdens that rested on my shoulders is very much for a young guy like me and it has taken its toll on my mental and physical health.

I'm a guy that work 6 to 7 hours everyday and I make little amount I can consider enough to sustain the life someone like me should be living as a young simple guy, but because I've made a terrible mistake of relocating from where I was living alone to live with my family, now it has become obvious that my family have considered me as their sole savior and the first button to press whenever they're in need, they've lost total faith in my father and theyve stop disturbing him like before.

Like I told u guys before, Mum is no longer working since she became born again and Dad is out of town, he only come around whenever he got the alerts, but before my relocation he used to send some tokens even before the end of the month, now it seems to me my Dad have capitalized on the fact that I'm working, and I should be responsible for the whole family's upkeep until his arrival
Jeez! Since I got to this house I've not being able to save a penny, my expenses is twice as much as my earnings. Whenever I go to work, I'll come back to meet my mom waiting for me at the balcony with a story of how she's been praying for someone to buy her favorite dish for her since morning, the funniest thing is no one has ever asked me for one naira since I got there but there's a way they'll start talking about food, money and other things that ll make me dip my hand in my pocket and hand over what I have, also there's these old look on everyone's face whenever they need something from me which will make me to give them what they want without being asked.

I've practically become a slave to them, always waiting for me to come before they'll start talking about what to cook and eat, right now I'm at the edge, I just want out immediately! All my earnings are being used on food for the whole family, every time I give them money I always refuse to eat out of what they cook thinking they'll get the message but its always the same, I always pity my younger ones cos they've got a real battle ahead of the.

Pls house should I leave or remain with them for the time being? Right now I'm thinking of running away from them.

Walexddon20:
LOL!!!...this woman won't kill me with laughter, of course codein is sweet and especially when you get addicted to it, nothing is sweeter. This is a big shame on Aisha for this immoral statement coming from someone of her caliber who supposed to a role model to the youths, but rather coming out publicly to acknowledge the usage of this evil drug that has caused so much of damage to many Nigerians. This is indeed a wrong signal to the entire public. And I will urge the NAFDAC to take necessary action and Aisha should also tender her apology for misconduct.

Shallow Reasoning

greyham:
ONE LAST BULLET SIR

If you're going to keep your marriage, if you want to and if you can, do it for the sake of your children. (I want to believe they are yours anyway)

They deserve a mother and father figure in their life. You don't owe your wife anything. Focus on your kids.

About informing her family. I have nothing to say about it. I believe this can be handled by two of you alone.

It is not easy

I think pressure from her family will stop her from repeating the same misdeed cos its not mistake as its been mistakenly tagged.

ForcefullBULL:
I feel like calling the guy to congratulate him for successfully breaking a home.

@OP Though I'm a single guy but I'll advice u to let it roll for the sake of the kids, this is marriage not some boys and girls relationship. Those advisers up there are taking this issue with a kiddos glove, there's a gigantic beast in every guy that detest a cheating partner, its better not to wake him cos if u do, you'll be on the tenth woman before u know what its going on. The bitter truth is she's probably sleep with him, u don't need to prove it cos there's never a more reliable evidence than the culprit's confession. Save your marriage for the future of your kids, I'm a product of a failed marriage and I know how its negatively affected my life.

PS: Let her family know about her confession to you and assure them you'll the marriage the moment u confirm she's cheating.

UjuJoan2:
Honestly I don't trust myself not to do ooh . . I'm only human you know

Besides I know that all that glitters is not gold, but nobody came to this world to suffer . . . and I'm ready to face the consequences of my actions. Besides oga knows he has failed in that aspect. Shebi my mates are driving Range ni? Why should my own be different!

Please ooh, I'm not saying it's right to cheat when your husband goes broke. But you people should try and understand us nah.

Some men will be broke and still be making mouth. What gave you the right to talk? If you are broke be humble, and don't annoy us too much.

LMAO! When u thought u ve seen the worst of HOES! Heartbreak awaits your husband.

SafetyFirst:
I'm in a public place right now. I will call you when I get home.

Lol

SoapQueen:
Haa! This guy you good o. Why is she acting like a saint?

Idk why, but I'm happy the message got passed to her without hitting the send button

swiz123:
That was epic... You deserve a bear hug . But on a second thought, you deserve a resounding slap for bleeping a pig for 6 months

The message got across to her without touching the send button, I'm really happy about it

HallaDaTruth:
Send me her number, I want to talk to her on your behalf

You sure u wanna do this bro?

4reala:
I Think seeing this will make her knw how serious u are.
She can decide to change or walk away.
If she decides to change, pls give her a second chance.
And u said she puts all her burden on u when u are yet to marry. But, need i say, u are already doing what married pple do?

Yes bro right now i be mixed feelings about the whole issue, I'm happy she stumbled upon the message herself but I'm kinda sad because she became so distraught about it, I will be so happy if she can change, I mean real change not buharis type

PrimadonnaO:

What?

I asked for her account no so I can compensate her in the little way I can.

Fellow NLs, there was a time I posted a topic on this forum regarding my girlfriend's low hygiene and the female forks started throwing pellets on me. Well, lastweek I was unable to sleep cos the situation has caused insomnia for me and in my state of anger I drafted some messages so I could send it to her and let her know how I feel about the whole shits. But, I changed my mind before sending it and decided to stay low and keep watching as situation unfolds itself.

She came around two days ago to spend the weekend with me and unfortunately for her, she stumbled on the message " special thanks to her persistent checking of my phone which I've severally warned her against, after reading all she started crying and keep asking me if I love her. But my response since yesterday is utter SILENCE!

I've made up my mind to end the relationship but first I want to show y'all the message, one or two advice is enough to kill or resurrect the relationship.

The followings are the content of the message I intended to send to her.


"Hi Baby, I think I should let u knw my feelings these days abt our relationship, I really think d whole thing aren't working out d way I expected it 2 be.
Though nobody is perfect but when ur imperfections are starting 2 affecting other people's life negatively, its time 2 end what we av 2geda.
I want us 2 put an end 2 d relationship because of d following reasons.

1. I've found it difficult 2 trust u based on what u did on d 26th of Feb when u tried contacting ur ex boyfriend repeatedly and how u also confessed ur love for him d day I disguised as him and chatted with u tru text msg. And d way u tried 2 call d yello guy in emure ile even when u told me he raped u. These attitudes have made it clear that I can't trust u.

2. Since we've started dating, ur lifestyle is nt what I expected of u being a girl, ur level of hygiene is too low and despite d fact that I've tried to raise ur awareness abt how important cleanliness is. For a young girl like u, taking good care of ur body shu b d most important thing 2 u but it seems u care less abt how u look and how u smell, I don't think its a normal thing 4 a lady 2 spend a whole day without bathing or changing her pant, I don't knw y u ar livin like that.

3. D last reason is ur burden is 2 much on me, its been 5 months since we met, and u put all ur needs on me even wen we are yet to marry, u stop relying on ur family 4 anytin nd believe I shu b responsible for all ur needs, at this stage in my life this is d last thing I ever wish 4. I ve a lot of things 2 do nd if I want 2 secure my future, I need 2 end d burdens u put on me cos its weighing me down.

I DON'T WANT U 2 BE EMOTIONAL BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE THE BEST THING FOR BOTH OF US IF WE PART WAYS FOR NOW. THANKS. OP
KINDLY SEND ME UR ACCT NO"

IamPlato:
...


Its Time You Vanished From This Planet.

Well I'm not the type no one wants around here, am I? Bloody Scammer!

IamPlato:
...


Her Intelligence!


Her Diligence!


Her Cooking Skill!


Her Intergrity!


Her Whatsapp& Facebook password!



Is That Too Much To Ask?

Dead Rat! Dead Rat!! Dead Rat!!! How many times I called you? I think its high time u vanish from Nairaland for good.

pawshjai:
smhfu....m nt a kid lik u..wu ll start exchangin foul word wif u...frm d tinx i hv seen u type here.....hnnmm..i reserve my comments...using des languages..lolz..nt me nd u dis morning...no cum gimme badluck...carry ur mata go...ur mum ur problem...ur family ur ish..nt mine.. xo byeeeeee . muah....hv a nyc day...nd i wish u luck doin wateva u do

Thanks honey, you've done what im expecting. VANISH!

Oritzy:
Does anything the OP wrote about his mother a negative influence to him?? Let's focus n this topic bro. First it's Outrightly disrespectful to bring your mom to public. And I repeat again. even if she's a witch I will celebrate her.

A fool at 40

pawshjai:
why x dis op nd sum lazy peple here telllin me..i cudnt go to sch bcus of my mum...ranting nd makin noise abt how dey arent successful bcus of sum... i tink u are d lazy one here...do u knw dre are orphans today wu saw demselve tru sch nd all...dey wish dey hv a mum or dad to cum feed frm dre pocket nao....liv ur mum alone.. she has her life .liv urs...u are a fool to mk urself useless bcus ur mum wasnt dre for u...ur children ll blame u for ur misfortune.. if u nt careful..ur kid too myt bring ur p here oneday..bcareful

You're just as ridiculous as your name sounds! your example of orphans is illogical and doesn't correlate with what's happening here, if orphans are making money, I guess they'll be spending it to develop themselves.
YOU seem oblivious to facts, im making little cash now but if things go on like this both of us would eventually become the victim. I think I'll break it for u to understand....

1) My parents are supposed to develop me by sending me to school and cater for my needs

2) After my education and when I starts working, its expected to take good care of them.....

3) Now my parents has failed in their primary responsibility, many children of my age still depends on their parents for living but now im not dependent

4) Now im on my own and surely I must take care of myself by myself so I won't become a nuisance on the street

5) I've not got to the position where its expected to be giving back cos I still have many life obstacles im yet to cross like education which is the most paramount

6) I took to the streets to hustle so I can fill the void left by my parents failure in their primary responsibility


7) The little im earning now is my only hope I have to develop myself if I want anything called a bright future

8 . Now Im carrying my parent responsibility instead of developing myself first and you think that is my priority?

9) If the situation does not change now, we'll both become the victim I.e I won't be able to help myself, I won't be able to help her when the time she need help the most comes, that's when she's old.


I think I've been logical enough for u to reason the situation on ground here.

pawshjai:
are u sure u came here for advice..or u jes want to show ur stupidity...cus its obvious u hv madeup ur foolish mind on wah u wana do.....i tink u shud b left to do wah u fil lik...person no dey geh two mama....shes ur moda so do wah u wana do...dnt insult people wu hv takn dre tym to type trying to advice u..

With the gibberish u wrote up there, u mean im insulting people but u calling me stupid isn't an insult? Let's hear what u have to offer bitch! else, do me a favour and vanish!!

giftlygifted:
Y? You just shortened your life span by not sending her money.

What about the ones hes been sending? did those ones made his lifespan longer? Aunty pls grow up.

Eco2580:
if i were u i will do everything humanly possible just to please. remember how she carry u in her belly for 9months, how she struggled so that u can be happy.
its payback time bro.
be patience with her pls.

Easier said than done bro, I've spent fortune on things irrelevant such as food, if I spend all those monies on myself I would've developed myself to a certain degree.

Eco2580:
if i were u i will do everything humanly possible just to please. remember how she carry u in her belly for 9months, how she struggled so that u can be happy.
its payback time bro.
be patience with her pls.

My future is getting blurred right in front of me all because of her bad decision, she's my mom anyway, I'll seek the medical route. These feelings in me is natural and has been growing over the years, the fact that I'm still living with her shows that I don't hate her.

deloon:
I was trying to sympathize with you until you said it disgusts you to feed your mum with your hard earned money when she is hale and hearty.
You are pathetic.

Shove your sympathy into your trachea and choke to death, devil may care!

SoapQueen:
Refer to his previous thread where he was complaining about his girl having a fishy "south side" and also has a baby mama at his age. Only you, woman woman talk! Now, he is roping his mom into his blame list.

Misplaced priorities.

I'm out

Borehole also think she have a say. Absurdity!

thebosstrevor:
Many people here are emotional instead of being logical.

for a women to take church seriously than taking care of her household shows that her church is more important than the welfare of her children.in my opinion she failed as a parent.

I have seen this occurrence common among many women members of deeper life,redeem and mountain of fire,chosen etc,many of this women run from mountains to islands for prayers instead of facing their problems and solving it.the cause of over religiousness is mental illness,you yourself wont know it,this is not also common among religious people but also among educated and illiterate people,people who are too emotional for you to give them reasons through facts,they are always in denial,that is why a pastor in america called Jim Jones was able to deceive his members into mass death by taking poison.

to be fair with you,i understand what you are going through and i will say your mother disappointed you,it is not easy especially for you to work hard only or you to use the money on her and your siblings instead of yourself.it is the responsibility of both parents to take care of their children until they are mature enough to earn,your father also is not reliable,he is more interested in sex than you guys.

Many Nigerian parent have failed their children,once a parent put self-fish act before the welfare of a child,it shows irresponsibility.both parents are self fish and i wish they could see the damage they are doing to their children because if all was good,he wont be on nairaland complaining.

i will advice,you do all possible stuff to make her stop going to that church,the more she attends,the more she become worst,it will be surprising to you that she gives your hard earn money to the pastor,who goes on to better his own life while she suffers.

secondly,you need to stop sending money to her until she agrees to stop going to that church.

also you need to make her see reality,a man hope is to be better than his parent not be like them,you cant continue to live like this,please save for your future.

she has two legs and two hands and she is walking well,she needs to start doing something with her life,some times you need to make people uncomfortable for them to start seeing the truth

God Bless you sir. They all think I hate my mom, especially the women. Only a fool will think giving birth to children is enough for them to worship u for the rest of their lives. Its my parents that owed me a living not the other way round. I can only take care of her if she took care of me, I lack the core care every parent can give their kids all because she chose religion over us. I don't know why people failed to see my point.

funmike83:
Yes you are true, the mum must be suffering in silence which unfortunately the children that are to support her have been brain washed by their dad and the 2nd wife. 80% of women in psychiatric hospital today are there because of what men did to them. How can the Dad marry a second wife in a rented apartment and still sat it is because the mother is not working he is unable to send the kids to school but he has the money to marry a second wife. Please don't forget the fact that they must have dated for long before eventually bringing the woman in . only God knows wat they did to your mum. The op is actually not talking likely matured dude. If care is not taken , you will never get anytging good from your dad courtesy the new wife. Stand up and fight for your mother and please take care of her. I use to think my mum was mean toy Dad when I was young, until later when I got married , she later sat me down to tell all wat she faced. Please I am sure she has a lot to say.

Putting myself into my Dads shoe . I too would get another wife if my first wife tried what my mom did, they were married for 25 years without something like that until my mom chose to become a liability, when my dad was not paid his salary and he's struggling to make ends meet, that was when that wretched woman took advantage of him, everything wouldn't have turned out the way it is if my mom continue being supportive.

kense88:
My friend your talking rubbish. Someone stopped working in her early 30 and you think is cool. That's how you promote laziness among your kind. You should be at your peak and very productive at your early 30 whether your a man or woman.
Op my advise to you, is to try and take her to hospital. She is your mum and she needs your support now.

Don't mind that yeye Victorian, she keep saying I hate my mom, im ungrateful this and that, ungrateful about what exactly? Its not my choice to be brought into the world its her choice, its also her choice to stopped working without considering the effect it would have on her children, when u don't come from a good background, when u don't have good parents who can take good care of you and invest in your education, then your chances of becoming successful is very slim. Bringing innocent children into this world isn't the height of parents responsibility. Taking good care of them is.