₦airaland Forum

Fenrir:
Let’s stop pretending.

When people shout “Our tradition! Prostrate! Do full Yoruba wedding! Respect our culture!”
they always list what the groom must do.

They almost never mention what the bride’s family was originally supposed to do to deserve all that respect, bride price, and full prostration package.

If we are talking real old-school Yoruba custom (not 2025 selective memory), then “tradition” was a bundle:

If the groom’s side does X, Y, Z…
the bride’s family must also have done A, B, C.

You can’t demand one half and quietly delete the other.

Virginity = “lineage guarantee” (and the parents had duties here)

In old Yoruba custom, virginity wasn’t just a cute idea, it was family honour + lineage certainty.

There was asa ibile, the white cloth on the wedding night to prove virginity.
If she was a virgin, gifts and money went back to her parents in pride.
If not, symbolic shame (half-boiled yam, etc.) was sent instead.

Virginity was tied to good upbringing, proper monitoring, protection, and no secret boyfriends and baby daddies.

Meaning,
if you want to shout “our tradition!” about prostration & bride price, then the girl’s family were also obligated to.....

protect her from sexual abuse and exploitation
actually supervise her movements and relationships

insist on no sex before marriage if they want to use virginity as their cultural bragging right.

You cannot abandon all those parental duties, turn blind eye to “coded runs”, then still stand up on wedding day forming “we are traditional, prostrate for us.”

That’s not culture. That’s selective memory.

Proper upbringing & character, Ìwà, not just makeup.......

Traditional Yoruba marriage respected families that raised Omoluabi, good character.

The bride’s family was expected to,

raise her with discipline, honesty, respect, and home training

teach her how to live peacefully in another house, not how to weaponise drama
show that she is entering the man’s home as asset, not destabiliser

Old texts and studies emphasise that part of what groom’s family is “thanking” the bride’s family for (with owo orí, gifts, prostration) is the years of proper upbringing & moral training.

If you’ve never really raised the girl, grandparents did everything, or she basically raised herself on TikTok and church performances, then what exactly are we prostrating for?

Protection & supervision not throwing girls to wolves.....

Traditionally, there were clear systems......

alarina, go between and chaperones in courtship

structured visits
serious monitoring of who is courting the daughter and with what intention

If a grown man slept with an unbetrothed virgin, he was expected to pay and/or marry her there was some accountability......

Today?

many families don’t protect their daughters
don’t believe them when something happens

push them out early to “hustle”

then suddenly remember “tradition” when it’s time to collect list and bride price.

Again, you can’t throw away your side of the cultural duty, then resurrect it only when money and prostration enter the chat.

The bride’s “equipment” used to be their job, not the groom’s

Historically, the bride’s family were supposed to send her off properly equipped,

clothing
cooking tools
home essentials

things that show she’s ready to manage a home and contribute.

Now look at most modern lists:

“gas cooker, fridge, blender, full kitchen, generator, furniture…”

all dumped on the groom, while the bride’s family basically arrive with vibes, matching aso ebi and billing.

If we’re being honest,

Tradition = the bride’s family equip her to be an asset in that home.
Extortion = the groom fully equips their daughter and their own kitchen back home.

Pick one. Don’t call extortion “culture.”

Dowry (owo orí) was symbolic, not ransom.......

Old Yoruba custom:
dowry was often small and symbolic, and in many cases returned, to emphasise “we are not selling our daughter, this is just culture.”

Even where it wasn’t returned, it was still token-level, not “buy a mini-supermarket or no wife.”
Modern practice in many families?
Endless lists, extra bills on the day, “add something”, “Ibòmbo – we trained your daughter”, multiple unplanned levies.

Question,
If you truly trained her and truly spent on her, it will show in her character, skills, education, stability.
You won’t need to “over-compensate” on the list to prove it.

Ongoing support, not “collect and disappear”........

Traditionally, bride’s family didn’t just cash out and disappear,

they continued to support, advise, mediate, and guide the new couple

elders prayed, blessed, and sometimes corrected their own daughter when she was the problem,

Now?

Most families,

interfere when it benefits them
vanish when there is real problem
side their daughter blindly even when she’s wrong
still expect maximum respect + money flow + “in-law of the year” treatment.

Again, if we are using real tradition,
your role as bride’s family continues after the marriage. It’s not just “collect list & spray money.”

So what’s the actual point here?......

Not to insult Yoruba culture.
Not to say “women are bad” or “families are evil.”

The point is simple.....

You cannot demand full traditional obedience from a groom
when you did not fulfil your own traditional duties as the bride’s family.

If your daughter......

was not protected from abuse
was not supervised in courtship
was not raised with real Omoluabi character
was not properly equipped from your side

did not keep the “purity” you now weaponise
did not benefit from your ongoing moral support

…then be honest:

You are no longer operating full Yoruba tradition.
You are operating modern life + selective “tradition” for money and ego.
Fine. Life has changed. Nobody is perfect.
But then stop shouting:

“He must prostrate!”
“He must give us X, Y, Z because culture!”
“Registry alone is not marriage!”

If you want modern, do modern: registry + simple intro + mutual respect.
If you want tradition, then accept that tradition binds both families, not just the man.

Final questions for Nairaland.....

Can a family that didn’t uphold the traditional duties listed above still demand full prostration and heavy “list” with a straight face?

Shouldn’t we be honest that what many people call “tradition” today is edited tradition, mostly focused on what the man must pay and perform?
If submission is demanded from the woman, and prostration from the man, then where is the matching accountability from both families?

No insults, No tribal bashing
Just simple logic

Kdon2:
If you are not Yoruba keep your mouth out of yoruba affairs.

FriendsAndFans:
Bro rest and not misdirect people on a culture you do not understand

Kdon2:
If you are not Yoruba keep your mouth out of yoruba affairs.

FriendsAndFans:
Bro rest and not misdirect people on a culture you do not understand

Kdon2:
If you are not Yoruba keep your mouth out of yoruba affairs.

Kdon2:
If you are not Yoruba keep your mouth out of yoruba affairs.

Dpsychologist:
Let’s stop pretending this isn’t happening.

When a man is struggling financially, society mocks him. When a man has erectile issues, he’s ridiculed and written off. When a man falls, people don’t ask why, they mock and move on.

But when the tables turn?
Excuses appear. Sympathy flows. Accountability disappears. This isn’t bitterness. It’s pattern recognition.

Men are expected to be strong before they’re allowed to be loved. Women are often loved while they’re still figuring things out. That’s the reality many men learn the hard way.

So here’s the practical takeaway no emotions, just execution:

1. Build value: financially, mentally, physically. Nobody respects what isn’t solid.
2. Set standards: stop accepting imbalance and calling it love.
3. Demand reciprocity: effort, respect, contribution or walk.
4. Protect your dignity: your lowest moments will not be met with mercy.

As a man, no one is coming to save you. No one will cushion your fall. And no one will hesitate to judge you when you’re down. That doesn’t make life unfair it makes it clear.

So take responsibility for your growth.
Guard your peace.
Choose wisely.
And never outsource your self-worth to anyone.

Compliments of the season.

Tello619:
Finally! Seun has fixed the report button and restored all the posts that were unjustly hidden...
And with it came my evidences that Fenrir is a scared little boy blue, who can't stand and lose an argument boldly, but chooses to play dirty, run to his wife's inlaws so that they all make accounts and frame me wrongly to the moderators aiming to have me removed completely... Why? Just because he lost ground in an argument, became scared of me from then on and decided to play dirty to erase me from Nairaland🤡
(Fenrir is some Norwegian man living in Nigeria with his Nigerian wife)

Him: Fenrir
His wife: Tamara69
His inlaws: Zippyz, Debbie9792, Ronnie112233

(It's going to be a long read, I'm just posting it for safe keeping. I'm not forcing anybody to read everything on this post)

Tello619:
Fenrir, little boy blue! Come here😆 you don jam another power wey pass your power?
RollinTNDA abeg come😆
(Read a summary I made of what happened with me and the werey)
https://www.nairaland.com/8512143/yes-truth-out-evidences-being

Tello619:
Oh really! There are exceptions😲 and you couldn't stop generalizing ALL Nigerian men the other day
OH WOW! Change of heart? L😲😲

Kobojunkie:
1. Your basic maternal instinct idea is confirmed as a myth. What you refer to as maternal instincts are instead behaviors that women are trained for, but like all training, they do not always materialize into someone who should be depended on. 🥱🥱

There are women out there who should be having kids, and there are also women out there whose children should be protected from, as in, they are terrible mothers, and there are children who are mentally and emotionally not right for raising children. That is the biological fact that exists. 🥱🥱

2. It is not an argument, but what happened. And yes, nursing mothers are not obligated to continue to raise their newborns. They, too, can walk away from their child in a similar manner to many baby daddies do when they abandon their baby mamas.

There is nothing depraved about leaving a child with its own father, same way that society does not consider it depraved for a man to abandon his children with their mother, leaving her, in most cases, to fend for them all alone.

A woman who places her peace of mind over living with a man she does not meld with is a woman who can do that. She may not be like her mothers and her grandmothers, who were pushovers and remained in toxic situations, claiming they did so for the children—the same children that ended up severely traumatized by the whole situation. And she may also realize that making her past mistakes run the rest of her life is one of the biggest mistakes she will ever make in life.

3. Nah! She is a smart woman that instead realizes that just like a man can, a woman can also walk away and choose herself.

4. She has a child with the man. Hating the man means that if she remains with the man, she will create a toxic situation for the child. That is definitely not a good thing for that child. And since the man can equally raise that child, she chose to leave it to him — hopefully she will be paying him child support without fail. 🥱🥱🥱

If indeed she chose to leave, she made an intelligent and rational decision. By the way, all humans are selfish. If the man had been the one to abandon that woman claiming she was toxic to him, you and others would have probably praised him for it. Do the same for the woman.

kushme:
Oh you catch the person using AI to reply?

Kobojunkie:
. Nigerian women are literally shamed by younger men in Nigeria. And it is this same group of men you believe would not mind dating the same older Nigerian women they shame? You literally would continue to deny reality, won't you? 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Do men who abandon women with babies love those women?🥱🥱

2. Men abandon their women and children so they can go pipe other women. Why is it OK for men to do that, but suddenly a problem when a woman does the same? 🥱🥱

3. If we ask you to define love now, you will find that a lot of men don't even hold to the ideas of love that you put forward. So, why are you expecting women to live by your expectations but not other men? You can't make that make sense. 🥱🥱

4. Many Nigerian men don't love women or even their children at all. So, why the fuss? 🥱🥱

5. Well, the woman chose to escape the man instead of use him for her poverty alleviation or age. So what exactly is your issue now? 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Did you cheat on your wife? I am trying to understand why a woman would need to taunt her husband in such a way if it isn't maybe to get back at him for cheating on her. 🥱

P.S. This is 2025! There are so many ways for women to prevent pregnancy before and after sex, so she is not bringing home a baby does not mean she ain't able to get her kicks outside of marriage. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
Not every woman! Some women are not meant for motherhood, and some of them actually choose rightly not to have kids. Yet there are men out there who would manipulate such women into having kids nonetheless... why? Primarily because society pressures women into having children even when they are not mentally and equally equipped to handle that, and also a lot of men feel that conquering such women feeds their ego. 🥱🥱🥱

So, this woman's choice to leave the child with the father is actually commendable.... at least she did not dump the child by the roadside or in the bush somewhere. She is not a bad person since she left the child with the father. And if it turns out she really does not wish to be a mother, the man can raise his own child by himself — she has to pay child support at least.

Kobojunkie:
There is nothing foolish about what she did. The same way a woman can nurture a child, a man can, and this man happens to be the child's father. 🥱🥱🥱

The same people assaulting her for leaving her child with the father— now a single father— won't raise an eyebrow against all of the men who abandon their children with women —single mothers. 🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
All this because one woman decided to make one man a single father to his own child? Come on naw!

2. Love does not mean clinging to someone... remember? The same way that men can literally abandon women and children they once claimed they loved is the same way women can, too. There doesn't even need to be a reason, like the misunderstanding the man claims as the reason why the woman left. A woman can change her mind the same way a man can. The reasons can also be just excuses like the ones men make up for abandoning women and children.

3. She might just be back home with her parents watching TV. Even if she is knacking, it is her prerogative as a human being to choose herself over situations. Same freedoms available to all out there.

Kobojunkie:
I have dealt with enough Nigerians in my lifetime to know to doubt at least 80% of what they say about themselves until I see evidence.

Kobojunkie:
For that to happen, that means you intend to stalk me all over Nairaland, right? And that also means you would also need to make out extra time on top of that to post these AI results, right? Well, that just means you have way too much time on your own hands than I do. Goodluck! 🥱🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CcTGRjVLo9w?si=FzMzvQfe1O_7ATf3

It's an industry that preys on Africa's poor: a trade that turns human organs into commodities. So-called transplant tourism sees wealthy foreigners who are in dire need of a new kidney travel from across the world to western Kenya - where local men are persuaded to sell theirs for less than two thousand pounds.

Our Africa Correspondent Jamal Osman has been to the city of Eldoret, now a global hub for the organ trade to see its impact first-hand, and challenge those responsible.

Kobojunkie:
I am in urgent need of an apartment in the VI area of Lagos. I am looking to move in as soon as possible. I would prefer a furnished unit with at least the basic utilities — water, garbage collection(electricity if possible) — included. Also, would prefer a location that is close to public transportation — good roads are key. I'm not looking to be nickel-and-dimed, please. Thank you!

nlfpmod

Kobojunkie:
I am afraid I can't help you. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
. For the umpteenth time, focus on the topic! 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
The one who has attempted this to some discussion about specific languages is you.... not me. I instead pointed out that submission as used in that book of Books holds the same meaning as the term as used even today, in whatever language. 🥱🥱

2. It exactly does! The same way being an employee of a company—a form of submission— is the same way your submission to your government, a form of employment, is also a form of submission. You sign a contract submitting yourself to service to that authority which you intend to serve under. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
The one who has attempted this to some discussion about specific languages is you.... not me. I instead pointed out that submission as used in that book of Books holds the same meaning as the term as used even today, in whatever language. 🥱🥱

2. It exactly does! The same way being an employee of a company—a form of submission— is the same way your submission to your government, a form of employment, is also a form of submission. 🥱🥱🥱

Kobojunkie:
. Well, it is all mental illness to me, especially if I am not able to use it to help me achieve everything I want to achieve. 🥱🥱

Can we please get back to the topic please? 🥱

Kobojunkie:
I am not here to compare mental illness diagnosis with you or anything, and I only entertained the distraction because I was busy frying dodo for tomorrow. So, if you don't mind, let's get back to the subject, which is marriage and submission in religion.

Kobojunkie:
I am not here to compare mental illness diagnosis with you or anything, and I only entertained the distraction because I was busy frying dodo for tomorrow. So, if you don't mind, let's get back to the subject, which is marriage and submission in religion.

Kobojunkie:
You seem to depend too much on those AI tools, is what I think. 🥱🥱

Anyways, can we please get back to the topic which I am more interested in than your particular AI analysis of my posts — logic and grammar! 🥱🥱🥱