₦airaland Forum

MelesZenawi:
Evacuate West and north and allow others rest.

Effect of not reading before posting.

The evacuation is for bringing Nigerians living abroad back home. To think some people already liked your post.

It is really difficult to judge from hearing just one side of this story.

From what I have read from Vivian (OP), I can only conclude that the husband is unreasonable in thinking and irresponsible in character. I am sorry to say. Apart from even agreeing before getting married to having the children stayed together, it is totally wicked to have your wife begged you for 3 years for anything within your capacity whatsoever. Showing love and appropriate measure of discipline to the boy is all that is required to turn a new leaf. So if the boy was his biological son and he started stealing right under his roof would he have sent him away? Also, why would he sacrifice the comfort and safety of his 2 year old girl to get back at the wife? Only a heartless man does that.

I also sense a lot of arrogance in Vivian's post. There were indications that the man could not tolerate some of these. The 70% part of the story was really not necessary after all you never claimed your husband was lazy. This statement alone could be the reason he constantly makes you feel you should be grateful he married you anytime your action shows you contribute more financially. He simply retaliates. Check this please. The table can turn in his favour tomorrow. This was once my case many years ago but no longer so. My wife handled it so well that nobody knew. If he is not putting in his best, it is better you have a frank talk with him and he will sit up. Do not deride or belittle your husband It is even very inappropriate on the social media.

You did well by bringing your child home. Sometimes, tough decisions are required in certain life situations. You only did what a mother should do. However, you allowed the golden opportunity for settlement with your husband to pass you by immediately you brought the child home. You shouldn't have acted like he can go to hell because you pick the bills. It would have been the golden moment to placate him. No one, man or woman enjoys a bruised ego! We all react to it in different ways just that your husband chose the 'psycho path'. Where both parties in a marriage seek to be the winner in an argument or issues, ego will be bruised. You both have ego issues and you both should admit that.

Also it is totally senseless to make statements such as 'preferring your children over your marriage'. I honestly will feel very sad to hear that from my wife particularly when the children (biological or not) were not there when we started the journey. They will all leave us and go their way and we will still be together. Call me a jealous husband I don't care. So on hearing that, I will only assume that you never married me for love. To put succinctly, I will feel 'used'. I see that as part of the issue the man has with your character. Though I could be wrong, but my interpretation of the situation is that you married him to give a fatherly protection to your children and he has failed to do that. It doesn't really appear like you found love in this man. Forget the 70℅ provision, it will only make the man 'feel used' the more. The love basis is not there. Hence the ease with which he feels like a hero marrying you as a single mother. You made him feel so.

If there is still love, then this marriage has not broken beyond reconciliation the way this thread has painted it. I am also surprised that the solution majority of the ladies on the forum are offering you is to divorce the man. They never asked you why you gave marriage a second trial. They never asked you why you wanted the first two children to have a fatherly care. They do not realise that raising four children by a single mother takes more than having a corner shop. Check out some of MKO's children if it is all about money. Some of the people advising you here are not even married. Needless to say they don't know what it takes to raise four children from two living fathers. None of us will remember this thread 10 or 15 years down the line talk less of asking after you. Sadly not even me. Some even insinuated that your husband could be a pedophile for accepting the girl and denying the boy. But let posterity judge us if this issue is worth escalating to a divorce. As someone said, at the end, we will all log off and move on to the next active thread on front page. Not too long from now, we would have forgotten we gave wrong advice that will negatively define the lives of these children. It is a faceless forum. You will be doing your children great injustice and it will take them time to understand why you had two failed marriages. It is not a good memory for all four to live with. It is not normal. Don't listen to them. They were not there when you married him. Ask how the last person they advised is doing they don't even know. With a 12 year old boy, you are more experienced in marital issues than many of them. Someone here said divorce is like war, all parties sustain lifetime injuries from it. Some injuries manage to heal but leave scars behind. Some injuries are guilts, regrets, unforgiveness, wasted resources and inability to move on.

Whatever his offences are can be talked over. The differences can be resolved amicably if you both choose to understand each other. This marriage can be salvaged. If only you both can subdue your egos a little bit. I wish you could get someone your husband respects to talk sense into him. It is not uncommon for marriages to have challenges and issues. It is both parties' responsibilities to resolve them before they degenerate into crisis. I cannot comprehend why a sensible man will abandon his family. To where and achieve what? So what medal has he now collected? Snatched a toddler away to retaliate and did not even consider the fact that the wife is even pregnant with a second child for him!

It also appears to me that you are not in good terms with your in laws. That is why your sister in law could easily accept the custody of your daughter. Where possible, seek to draw your in laws closer to you. You also don't seem to have your own relatives around you, the more reason why your husband should be your best friend. A lot of men have soft spots, my wife discovered mine long ago and she has used it to her advantage. I really wish I could meet this man to hear his side of the story and also talk some sense into him. He should return back home, swallow his pride and reunite with his family. In case you are here as your loving wife claims, go back and sort things out please. Do not delay 1 minute.

Finally, madam, with your condition the night time is for resting not for swearing and cursing your husband. My father taught me that prayer shapes family and I have found it to be true, well at least for me. I stay focused with my family in prayer. We all share in our challenges and partake of our successes together. We do not trust in our own ability. The Bible says every house is built by some man but he that buildeth all things is God.

You are not bound to take all my advice. Madam pick those that appear reasonable to you, they will still be useful. At the end, ensure you take decisions that will give you peace of mind. But know that every peaceful marriage is worked out through the deliberate efforts of the two parties concerned.

PS: I will not be able to respond to any
post where I am quoted except Vivian's. I am solely responsible for my post and it represents my personal opinion. All typos are regretted please.

sulaak:
The rich pastors will volunteer portable toilet, clean water and social worker. Charity begins at home, let's see the real churches and the fake one.

Very good. When the churches are filled, can the mosques now join? I am also certain the moslem faithfuls will also rally round to provide any lacking amenities and social worker. Or aren't mosques charitable too?

sulaak:
China doesn't have large churches that are considered charities and don't pay taxes.

Imam Sulaak, it looks like your grouse is the non-payment of taxes by churches. This your solution is as good as asking government to build sufficient and well equipped hospitals across the country in 4 weeks.

sulaak:
Hotel's are businesses, Churches are supposed to be charity. The churches are the best facilities for hosting emergency hospital.

Haven't you heard that churches don't have toilets or you want to increase the risk of contracting other diseases?

Besides what is the use of hotels when humanity will be wiped out? Even the hotel workers already contracted the virus in the scenario painted by the OP.

OP you have not considered hotels in Nigeria. Just for you to know...
Sheraton hotel abuja up to 600 rooms
Transcopr abuja up to 900
Sheraton Ikeja up to 400 rooms
Eko hotel up to 600 rooms etc.

Each room can take minimum of 3 hospital beds. That is already more than 7,500 beds from these 4 hotels alone. I am very certain the owners will surrender them to government free of charge for humanitarian purpose just like we expect the churches to do.

ipobarethieves:
baba Alawe ti ilu awe Ekiti day fee Gandolized

Oga he is callled Alawe of Ilawe Ekiti. There is no Awe Ekiti please.

LordKO:
Since you believe in assumption and since you want me to believe that you aren't discerning enough to see through the conceited attitude she exhibited, I don't see the need to answer you properly. No vex you hear.

Guy did you just learn how to use "conceited attitude" ni? You are just shouting conceited attitude all over the thread.

From 2012 to 2019

So after body work what happens to the updated interior and mechanical parts that have been substantially refreshed? So if I buy this I would have bought a GLE350 right?

I'm sorry I couldn't resist.

But nice car still.

Gnaeusmagnus:
If true, it just goes to show that Christianity as practiced in Nigeria is on a downward spiral into irrelevancy.

So called Christian pastors are not living up to the bible, and many so called Christians defend them, and even call them 'papa' and tell us 'Don't judge'.

No wonder Boko, Fulani herdsmen, and Buhari are on Nigerian Christian's case. When church is in sin, God no dey hear anymore.

MODIFIED

Additionally, many born again Christians are not living as Christians in real life. Same goes for the non-born again Christians...because claiming to be Christian means you follow Christ. Yet, evidence in Nigeria shows that most Christians are only Christians by label, worldly-wise by behavior.

While all you wrote may be correct, I don't think your response should be based on what this lady wrote. I have no reason to believe someone who claims to be born again on the one hand and supplying girls to pastors on the other hand.

Anyone?

Iveco techmician

Any help please?

Any IVECO electrician please?

The battery connects and lights get to the dashboard. It will attempt to start but at the end diesel will not be supplied to the injector. Ivecos are known to behave that way. Sometimes electricians do some sort of reset on the brain box using Iveco compatible scanners.

This.

My Iveco Eurocargo 2001 model has refused to start. Checks from some technicians revealed that the brain box detected a security issue and locked up the injector. Diesel is no linger supplying to the injector. This happened when we were trying different batteries on it. Since then the vehicle has failed to start.

I have attempted different technicians and they suggested some things but I require a more competent hand to get this issue fixed. Truck is in Abuja but I am willing to invite a good electrician over.

SifonAbasi:
Please how can I politely stop my ex from visiting my home?

Politely?

Madam, there lies the root of your problem. Your heart is still very much with your ex. In fact, this same reason is why you don't want him around you so as not to refuel the undying flame despite the fact that you already had a child for your husband in 2018. From your old thread, I would rather say you were double dating instead of saying prostituting; having an affair with your now husband and seeing this your ex then. What more is there if you called someone an ex and you were still sleeping with him, business as usual.

To look for how to dispense him politely means you respect him and wouldn't want to hurt his feelings. If you truly need a solution then I am sorry to tell you that only a radical approach will get him off your back. A radical approach towards him and towards your husband.

I will suggest you try out the following somewhat polite ways:

1. Report him to his fiance since he is getting married and to all the people you know that can talk sense into him. At least you should know them while you guys dated. I expect the fiance to appreciate this though it must be carefully handled so it doesn't backfire.

2. If your husband has not gotten the full story of your relationship with this ex, then it is time to divulge the information in a manner that will not hurt his feeling.

3. Have a heart to heart talk with your husband and let him know that he is courting trouble by going close to the guy. He should suspend any assistance being offered forthwith. See to it that there is no direct help coming from your husband to him. He should not sponsor the wedding.

4. If your husband does not yield to your pleading, look for someone he respects to counsel him.

5. Whenever, your ex comes around lock your door. If he finds his way in, do something very drastic in your husbands presence. Show him he is not wanted around you.

6. Report him to police that he constitutes a threat to your life.

There are 1,001 impolite ways to send him away. Some will sound like comedy while others will be totally outrageous. But I leave them to you to think about when you are truly ready to break free from him.

abiolap89:
He his a citizen of that country nd he can't use western union cause he has no domincilary account nd besides he wanted to deliver goods to me so used d opportunity to stash the cash in there

My take:

1. You don't have a brother abroad as you want to make us believe. You know its a lie else you would have easily mentioned the country instead of saying

abiolap89:
He his a citizen of that country

2. The term "domiciliary account" was invented in Nigeria. This I can tell you authoritatively. If this your brother truly exists, he never told you of any Dom account or lack of it. You don't need to open a special domiciliary account to send foreign currency to Nigeria or anywhere because that is already their own currency.

3. You knew the 'money' was never meant for you because that brother only exists in this your story and the scammers' plan but you fell for it because of greed. If it were to be true you would have collected money that did not belong to you.

4. Prove me wrong.

Hello Fesriders, do you have 2015 Hyundai iX35 Rear Arm Assist and Trailing Arms (both sides)?

Please I need TLS Abuja contact number. I am scheduled for biometrics and document submission on Monday which is now public holiday. The only number I saw online is not connecting.

Fixed:
We are on the same page sir.

It turns out that our Nairaland Moderator cannot stand criticism. After pointing out the obvious error in this thread he created when he did not verify an information before posting it, he corrected himself which is quite good. But what is the point in deleting my original posts? I consider this a gross misuse of power.

It's the same thing happening in the highest form of leadership in the country. A constructive criticism aids a better performance when taken in good faith.

Sanchez01:
I did but there's one thing you should have noticed about the forum. It thrives on controversies and most users of forum are always in a hurry to comment, as most don't even know how to verify claims on their own. My first comment came before yours and I already pointed out the flaw of the OP (not Lala now).

He, however, pushed it to FP owing to the mixed reactions it would generate.

We are on the same page sir.

Nice and quite educative AutoJosh.

But then, always ensure you avoid plagiarism in part or in full. At the least, reference the source when you copy other peoples' works even if modified to fit your purpose.

dfrost:


And nobody was close to her to pull her out of depression?

And you had the time to tell the story but never had time to spend with her and help her?

Mr Fault Finder, where did you read that she did not spend time with the sister? You just drew conclusion from a post that summarised over 5 years of event.

To start with, please list 5 people you have "pulled out of depression" Mr Depression Pulley.

mabeni:
I don't give a Bleep. I disowned him already. A friend who his mother got killed because of him. He was a member of secret cult...Dem wan come kill am for their house, he escaped but his mom couldn't. The poor woman was murdered in cold blood in place of her son. This happened way back before I knew him and we found out when he stole. A friend that stole my favourite Jean, cap, and shirts knowingly I didn't have more than 2 jeans. Is that a good friend. A friend that stay late outside and drink to stupor meanwhile, I don't take alcohol and 8pm, I'm Already in my house, a friend that disappears when he gets his salary but comes home once I had exhausted it then I ll start feeding him when he's back. All these I never complained for once. I rather advice him. Even as we speaks, non of his family has visited him in the prison. The last time I visited him, you needed to see the close markings the warder gave us. I am easy going and a struggling man. Make somebody no go send me to jail or early grave.

My brother, you owe no wannabe criminals any explanation. You've done no wrong by refusing to associate with a criminal serving his term. There are cases where organised crimes are coordinated from the prison. Friendship is not by force as recognised in Nigerian Constitution.

Where is the truck sir?

Still available.

Available.

Available.