₦airaland Forum

My dear I’ve been married for 10 years plus. My husband has stepped out of the marriage before. There is power in prayer. Young women of today do not understand the strength of their tongue, please use it to your advantage. It is not by violence, revenge or anger that will keep your home. Use your tongue to pray for your husband my dear..The devil hates marriage as it’s a covenant between two people and God, the devil is simply using your husband to destroy your marriage. There’s nothing else you can do to save your marriage besides prayer and fasting. Please pm me my dear

Take note

It is well

patani:
Please ignore such fellas..You are sharing your own personal experience and facts but he is busy castigating it.

Such fellows are even the worst cheats, they even allow the strange women destroy their home eventually

No problem

VictorRomanov:
Nigeria has a population of about 180m people. Let's say women outnumber men by 2:1. That means that we would about 60m men. 95% of that would be 57m. You are trying to tell me that you've counselled 60m men and found of that 57m men cheat on their wives?

How about I tell that you that the only people who come to you for counselling are those with marital problems caused by cheating and that reasonably means that majority of them would be cheats because that's why they have problems in the first place. What about those who've never had need for counselling because they sort themselves out. Did you count that too?

See eh, the world has a way of making bad look good. By saying 95% you are trying to make the majority of men who do not cheat feel that it is normal to cheat and something is wrong with them for not doing so.

Peace!

It’s a rough estimate sir I’ve counselled many people over the years I see what is going on in our society dear.

VictorRomanov:
How did you arrive at the 95% of men who have cheated. You interviewed them all?

You know men that have not cheated or you know men who have not disclosed that information to you sir?

VictorRomanov:
Where you people get these statistics from and the kind of men you hand around, I don't know. I know men who's never cheated on their wives and they well in years in their marriages.

Hello ladies


I’m going to give some advice to you. As an older woman I can guarantee you that 95% men will cheat on you, unfortunately dear that is just the reality. Especially if you have been together for a very long time, the nature of a man is to pursue and chase a woman, after marriage or a long term relationship, that chase is no longer there most times, hence the urge for him to look outside. Unfortunately as women, we just cannot understand this as our emotional and mental state is very contrasting to males. If you marry a man who is successful, the chances become even higher. Cheating has become so accessible and easy, it is very rare to find a faithful man in this era my lovely people. I have counselled a lot of women and men over the years including highly religious people and I’ve realised human beings must be human beings.

Now my dear, I want you ladies to understand this. A man can truly love his wife and cheat on her, it is extremely possible, but it is how he handles it that shows if he really respects you as his wife. Side flings should be regarded as such, and nothing more. If your partner or husband leaves traces around of his infidelity and makes no effort to hide his dirty laundry from you and to the world, then you need to second guess your relationship.

1. He is publicly seen with his side chicks in daylight, without an atom of shame, knowing that he could be seen by friends, family or outsiders
2. Leaving text messages on his phone, pictures and all other evidence that can easily be traced
3. Making calls in front of you. Coming back home occasionally at different times of the night
4. Spending ridiculous amounts of money on these women.
5. Introducing his friends to these side chicks.
6. Bringing the side chicks near your matrimonial home or area

I could go on and on my dear, but if your partner/husband participates in any of those listed above, he has no regard or respect for you and is possibly trying to find his way out. A man who truly loves and respects his wife will by all means hide is infidelity and all possible tracks. He will go out of his way to protect his wife, as he will not want to cause her any embarrassment. An example I want to give is Jay Z.

The reason why that man is still respected today; is how he handled his cheating scandal with his wife. As famous as he is, he hid all his tracks and made sure that nothing could get out to the public that could possibly embarrass his wife. It wasn’t until he admitted it, that the world got to know. So my dear, before you forgive your partner for cheating look at how he handled the situation, that is the true sign of his love and care for you. All men cheat, but not all men cheat with integrity.

Good day my lovely people. Those who need advice should please pm me. Thanks

KevinDein:

The most hilarious thing about nairaland is that no matter how crazy and dumb a post is, you'll always find other nut jobs liking it.

thanks

Congrats dear. Let’s hope you make it to the 10 year mark successfully as it’s not easy.

Ivanmykel:
Sorry, I'm not on my own. I have a beautiful family.

Thank you my dear. I have the best interest for young ladies, and from experience I can tell you that certain situations keep on reoccurring time and time again. I’ve dealt with thousands of ladies, I just want you women to level up.

yettymuse:
I agree with a few points of yours, even though it's quite rigid. You've written a bitter truthful post that needs a mind of total experience and maturity to discern, a bit of flexibility woulda made it better.
They would throw you stones especially that Bill sharing part, that one no dey meet them well for this faceless forum at all.

I have nothing to hide i’ve been married for 10+ years, blessed with two children. Divorce is not something I believe in, but if that lie makes you feel better, then so be it.

Alennsar:
I think she's a frustrated divorcée. she should go and get a life.

My dear if you’re listening to what these men are telling you, you’re on your own. These men w say a lot of things that do not correlate with their actions. It is well.

Ivanmykel:
She doesn't have an idea

crackhaus:
Relationship between a man and his wife is now operated based on the principles of economics.

See your head.

principles of economics used in every aspect of your life sir. Good day!

No problem dear. As long as you can take a few points from my write up.

Biglittlelois:
Your 1,5%6 get as e be, there is nothing wrong with splitting the bills and marrying a man 2 years older, doesnt have to be 10 to 15 years older.

Okay, also understand that your opinion is invalid. Good day.

crackhaus:
I understand you don't know what you're typing, this is what I understand.

If your husband cannot withstand waiting a few days or being teased he was never your husband in the first place, he’s public property. That’s just an excuse young man.

yvesboss:
Ma’am in my opinion, you just succeeded in pushing the husbands of these young innocent ladies to the waiting arms of the university girls who wouldn’t deprive them of that attention

Resulting to insults will not make your argument strong. I’ve defended my argument with my initial post, if you do not understand that then please exit this thread.

crackhaus:
My friend shut your mouth.

Who is arguing with you about if men desire/crave sex or not? The conversation here is about you believing that withholding sex and playing mind games with a man is what will increase your value around him.
Why not focus on that conversation and defend this moronic thought-process which you erroneously mask as "years of experience'.

That’s exactly the point. What did you learn in economicss, when a commodity is scare, the demand for it is higher. I don’t have the energy to go back and forth.

crackhaus:
You seem like you have a piece of wood stuck in your windpipe. Who told you sex is not of high importance to men?

You know sex is of high importance to men (which I never denied) and yet in your twisted mind, it's the reverse psychology of "withholding sex" you choose to employ to make you more desirable.

Honestly, I don't believe your breasts are even fully formed yet for you to be reasoning like this. The last time I heard something like this from a girl, it was in my first two years in uni. You're probably an adolescent masquerading as a marriage councilor who has been married for 15 years.
Where's your office located by the way, are you registered with the CAC?
You just go online to type opinions you pulled out from your ar.se.

divinelove:
I am not saying you should not take care of your body and be sexy for your husband no no every woman should do that if dress well, be neat, make your hair and do everything to be attractive to your husband yes u are right on this one BUT

Once your husband comes for sex give it to him completely don't deprive him at all it will mess your efforts to be attractive up. You are a wife not a drama queen

Let me be frank with you any woman that the husband still disturbs for sex after having 3 or 4 children say 7 years of marriage (when she already has loose pussy and fatty unattractive body) must be a lucky queen.

At that time na women dey beg for sex, then when u now bring drama into it then u are done. Some men can do it 3 times or less a month at this stage. Sex is over rated joor

Sir, everything that I wrote it seems you do not understand. You do not have to be a “queen” for your husband to stay in your matrimonial home. It’s about picking the right target as your husband, seduction and mentally stimulating that man. I’ve been with my husband for 10 + years and that man worships me. The best decision I made was marrying a man 15 years older, I will always be the best, atrractive and young woman he can get in his eyes. Right from when I was 23, I’ve had that man wrapped around my web, some call it juju and I call it common sense. Well It is well, I do not need to let everything out here.

https://www.nairaland.com/4426699/relationship-advice-young-women Click for more info.

CAPSLOCKED:

EXTEND MY FEELINGS AND LOVE TO THE MAN (AND CHILDREN) IN YOUR LIFE. YOU'RE MYSTERY IN HUMAN FORM.




UNFORTUNATELY SHE'S THE TYPE OF "MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER" YOUNG WOMEN GROW UP TO ADMIRE AND COPY

OUR BELOVED "MARRIAGE COUNCILOR" LIKE SHE CALLS HERSELF, AND MANY OTHERS LIKE HER CLAIM TO BE EMPOWERING WOMEN, BUT THE ONLY THING THEY DO IS TO TEACH YOUNGER GIRLS HATE AND BITTERNESS FOR MEN, AND CAUSE MORE GENDER PROBLEMS IN THE SOCIETY, AND I HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM WITH THAT.

Yes you are right. Many women have taken my advice, and today they are not living their lives in regret. I have also had some women pm me here, and thanked me tremendously. My words are not to be understood by all as it’s not what people like to hear. People are praised for feeding others with lies, I will paint the reality for you. Thank Jehova for the creation of social media, or they’ll still be young naive women scammed, tricked and manipulated by devious men. It is well.

divinelove:
Men don't just want sex they need it like food n oxygen lol

crackhaus this your fellow brother admitting that sex is of high importance and value to men. So my brother, if you do not know how your male anatomy works, I will educate you sir. I’ve had some young men around me, admitting that they married a woman because her sex was mind blowing, what are we saying here. I deal with reality, not with what people want to hear.

divinelove:
Madam in Godly marriage once you are married your body belongs to your husband and he can browse anytime he wants. The role of a husband is to provide for the family once he does that the wife must submit to him by giving her body anytime he wants.

Having said this husband and wife should agree on how often they will want sex which of course most men will even get tired after like 5yrs when the woman don born 3 children as her body will be fatty and less attractive.

Most men married for over 5 yrs have sex less than once a week bc sex appeal of a woman body will decline drastically after 3 kids

Although this may be true , this is also a lie my dear. The man is simply tired of having sex with his woman. He is bored and he wants something new, something exciting and thrilling. Even if after three kids the body is still intact, the sex life may still be terrible. This is because women have the mentality of giving a man sex whenever he wishes, he doesn’t crave for it, the wife is not seductive, some women belive they are too “old” for games, they are lazy to stimulate the minds of their husbands, or they believe they are married so all this extra things are unnecessary. Cheating with men, it’s more psychological than anything more than physical. When you see some of the girls that these men cheat with, they look worse than wife. It’s the mental stimulation that drives them to look outside, the thrill and excitement that their wives are not giving to them. There’s so many aspects to marriage. So my dear, try to understand.

crackhaus:
Before you came up with this well written piece of horseshít, did you ask for the honest opinion of any man on the matter?

Then comparing sex to new shoes.. I mean, really?

You even put a stamp on your cluelessness in the last paragraph by surmising that sex (as in, your pu.ssy) is the "feminine power" you need to get the best out of marriage life, because you don't have brain.

And if it was someone who told you to prove it's not only sex (as in, your pu.ssy) you can add to a man's life, you would have taken it as an insult.

These insults young man come from a place of immaturity and confusion. If you do not agree with my post, that’s fine but I will not tolerate any insults from you. It is very clear that most young men are walking contradictions not understanding what they want. Sex is not a big deal, yet time and time again men equate sex with money, and chase the act of it, more than anything.

Remove sex from the equation and most men of this generation will not date any woman. Even if the woman has everything to offer. Love, emotional support, providing capabilities and so. Men are wired to crave and put importance on sex, that’s why sex sells. I’ve seen men who have gotten married to have “free” sex, so what are we talking about here young man? It is welll.

Men psychologically are not the same as women. Unpredictable behaviour drives women away, women like to feel secure, wanted and safe. For men, it’s more fulfilling to chase, hunt and be seduced. Even after marriage, this must continue, not excessively but it must be there. I’ve been doing my job for years , I know what I am talking about sir.

divinelove:
Spot on

More like a man should not provide for his family all the time it makes the man boring and predictable.

Kids parading themselves as marriage counselor

All men think like this, subconsciously but they will never tell you madam. Some are not consciously aware that they think like this, but this is the ultimate truth. Well most women detest my advice, but as the years go by, they come back to me and thank me. People believe after marriage is where the game, effort and seduction stops, this is a huuugee lie my sister. That is even where it begins my dear, and that’s why most of you women in this generation can not even manage your homes for up to two years without constant conflict. It is well my dear, I don’t not do my job for no reason.

Seahawk:
OP your post doesn’t make sense at all.
If any man is thinking the way you described , he’s a child and should still stay single until he’s ready to live a life that’s devoid of games.
This is crappy advice and I hope ladies looking for marriage advice regarding sex won’t take it seriously.

UmmuFareed:
Just because it works for you doesn't mean it would work for everyone.

If you deprive your man of sex and if he happens to be the impatient type he will get it elsewhere, which might likely leads to marital problem. Even those that ain't sex-deprived still get tempted to have extra marital affair how much more a deprived man.

If your husband cannot wait a few days to have sex, then that man is not your husband, he’s public property. Men of this generation will still say sex is cheap and useless, but cannot wait a few days without it. Walking contradictions might I say.

Acidosis:
So what's your advice for the married men madam marriage counsellor?

Men should deprive their wives of money and financial resources? By going to bed hungry a few times in a week, the wife will appreciate the value of money?

Absolutely not. Women and men are not the same, we do not get any thrill from chasing, teasing and unpredictable behaviour. In fact it’s the opposite for women, the more you cater to her needs, the more attached a woman will get.

I’ve been married for more than 10 years, I’m also a marriage counsellor. Those that can read in between the lines, will understand.

perfectcrown:
If you are a lady,pls when you get married do everything you've said. If it works for you,others that are gullible will follow suit.

Abi e bami gbo radarada!

Have you ever bought a pair of shoes, that you saved up to get and was so excited to buy? The first time you wore it, you were filled with excitement and couldn’t get enough of it. However, the more you wore it, the less valuable it became and after a year of constant use it became practically useless to you. This is how men view sex with you.

To completely remove sex from the equation is not what I’m telling you young ladies to do. However, you must not give that man sex every time he wants it, the value of your sex decreases every single time you give it to him. Men will never tell you this, in fact they will tell you the more sex the better, however this is not how they think. You must make him yearn for it, tease him. If you’re married, having sex with your husband more than 3 times in a week without an issue, is disastrous. It will not be long before that man gets tired of you, this is just the reality. Deprive him, this is what he wants as long as it’s not excessive. Once a week or every two weeks is preferable. Men like to work for sex, because it’s rewarding for them. Even in marriage, you must have this mentality. Sex given to them freely is not valuable.

Young Wives in the house, stop texting or calling your hubby every minute of the day. If that man knows every single thing you do, your whereabouts, you become predictable and boring. Let that man wonder what you are doing, even in marriage. Men like thrill, confusion and unpredictable behaviour. As much as they tell you they don’t like it, they do.

All in all, use your feminine power to get the most out of marriage life. Good luck young ladies If you need advice on marital issues, feel free to send me a pm.

.

The title of your thread alone is very condescending and it shows you lack empathy towards your wife. I will not put that blame on you 100% as I believe your wife is quite childish and emotionally incapable of handling marital situations. But you sir handled this situation the wrong way but from observing your comments it seems you are ready to right your wrongs. Marriage is all about ups and downs, I believe your marriage will still blossom after this. It’s just one of those things.

Ignore those insulting you on this thread as they are raged from a woman’s perspective and are almost putting themselves in your wives shoes instead of analysing the situation from an unbiased point of view. As a woman myself, I understand it but don’t get annoyed by this, it’s our nature. My advice to you is, give yourself and your wife some space. You need to time to re-evaluate a lot of things. This situation was simply caused by miscommunication and I believe it’s not necessarily about the size of your wife’s private part alone. After about a week, go and find your wife, drop all your ego, pride, stubbornness and all the necessary things that feed into the division of two people. Pour your heart out, tell her everything and explain to her how you feel. Apologise to her if possible, I’m sure she will also do the same. After the reconciliation, never hold on to anything or keep anything away from her. It causes problems and leads to fights like this. You said your wife is sensitive, use that to your advantage. It’s not what you say, it’s how you say it. Focus on your tone, mannerisms and words when expressing yourself to her and you’ll be fine.
Goodluck.

Take my advice.