₦airaland Forum

jakandeola:
fluxbush joy1706 boyooosa pojomojo frankraj biafrabushboy ifakiland madgoat lefulefu ifakiland sarrki autojosh tonyebarcanista cococandy ishilove cerowo rukkydelta rosalieene trustyshoess iamj sinaj pweetiedee lionessza amarabae dollyjoy safarigirl lalas247 jigba tsom

I ve told you several times to stop mentioning me in your wack threads.

Memories12411:
Husband and wife matter is best known to them. This is just one side of the story.

Why are you guys like this? When a female narrates her story and ask for advice, all we hear is ' let's hear the other side of the story because women are deceitful, bla bla bla' , but when a man narrates his and it is even glaringly clear that he is wrong, no one bothers about the other party and the man is encouraged to continue in his evil ways. If you walk into your mother's shop and see your mother crying,with bruises on her face and body,will you wait to hear what she did to warrant such treatment? You read the story from a third party and all you could come up with is hearing from the other party. I just tire for una.

Op, this recipe of yours must be 'Americanised'. Thyme and nutmeg in peppersoup? Chineke nna! What happened to Ehuru,Uda, Uziza seeds, ulima etc ?


And you even termed it the best goat meat pepper soup! O di egwu.

ImaIma1:
I know of a baby of about 11months that is the same way. It can be very frustrating. This one can cry for an hour nonstop. Her issue is that she wants attention...always wants to be carried. You can't even drop her and step into the kitchen or take your bath. She screams,shouts,cries uncontrollably, it is annoying.She just wants to see you around her or for you to carry her.
The problem was with too much carrying and "gumming" the baby to body everytime. From when they are born, you need to put them down to sleep on their own and play on their own as the grow up. When the baby gets used to being carried all the time,sleeping on your body all the time, stopping the habit after months will be hard.
As it is now, your options are...keep carrying and giving her attention or ignore her and allow her to cry it out. She will tire after a while.

You sabi jare. Some babies can be pretty annoying. There's this lady that used to drop her kids for me to babysit. Her youngest son would cry at the drop of a hat. Every time she brought them to my place, I cringe inside cuz of her noisy kids. One unlucky day, they came as usual. The boy started his noise. Screaming and screeching at the top of his voice. I just looked at him, carried him to my bedroom, removed all the harmful substances within reach and locked my door. He screamed and screamed till the guy sef tire for himself. He kept quiet after two hours of crying nonstop. I opened the door and saw him sitting quietly on the floor,just waiting for me to release him. Since that day,that particular kid respects me even more than his mum. When he gets home,he starts his screeching but when I come visiting, he just parks himself to one corner quietly.

The point is that some kids can be very naughty. They do stuff to test the limits of your endurance so they can see how much they can get away with. Same goes for those choosy and picky eaters. I dealt with one like that too..

nkwuocha:
You're bent on nailing the daughter in law, while absolving the husband of any blame.The sole responsibilty for a man is to provide, While the wife manages the home.My wife dares not take credit from anyone without my consent. The woman Ofcourse can contribute as well, BUT it's never mandatory. Speaking as a man, I can never leave the house without asking what is to be cooked?If I don't have money for new meal, I must settle first with my wife what little thing can be prepared from what is available. The man gave the wife the effrontery to disrespect the mother by leaving without asking about the well being of his mother and kids.

I thought I was the only one who noticed the emphasis on the wife's action, while deliberately ignoring the husband's. Not trying to excuse the DIL's retort, but you were right when you noted that the husband gave her the effrontery to disrespect. The op and his friend are trying to demonize the frustrated wife.

sixtus3606:
My friend Chuma(not real name) confided in me that his mum who is staying temporarily with his elder brother, asked his elder brother wife yesterday being Saturday, that; "why is nobody eating and the time is already past 12noon?). My friend's elder brother wife response was "we will eat whenever he leaves money for feeding".

Does this means, even if her husband is not around for a week and her mother in-law is around, no one's gonna eat??

House, I need your opinion on this??


Royalroy

Op,one question for you. Is she self reliant? If she isn't, please is she supposed to go and steal for mama when her own son refused to be responsible? Why aren't you asking yourself and the forum if it is right for a man to leave his wife and mother at home without feeding allowance?

Madam, don't involve yourself in this matter. Yes,you will feel the temptation to defend your home but not this time. The person who brought her into the house should come and carry her out. For now, jejely go and stay elsewhere till your husband sorts himself out of this mess. After all if the tables were turned, your husband will never come to blows with the other guy for your matter. These days people kill for much less. Your life comes first biko.

As he made his bed,so shall he snore on it. Shikena.

jakandeola:
u want him to divorce yet neva want him to beat her

How many times will I tell you to stop sliding into my mentions? What is your problem? Shebi I ve told you to beat your woman as you want. Why this persistent wahala from you? Did I offend you in a past life?

lisbonabdulahi:
because we live in Finland

Hmmm.. This is not good. She knows you can't divorce her as easily over there as you would down here. Now I get why you are scared of messing up and thrown out of the house. Tread carefully. Your wife seems smart. Ask her,beg her even, to go for counseling. If she still refuses,then it's time to up your game. Get a lawyer secretly who will advise you on how to get custody of your kids and assets. Go underground and get tangible proof that she is abusive to you and the kids,even if you have to put a secret camera at home. You could also look for witnesses to testify against her. All these should be done in secret. When you are ready,hit her with the divorce papers and walk away a happy man.


N.B: All these will work if you even have a tangible means of income. I hope she is not the sole breadwinner, if not you don enter one chance. OYO be your case.

lisbonabdulahi:
Thanks, she is just waiting for me to do something stupid so that she can send me parking

Wait oo! Ayam nor understanding again. Send you packing? Abeg who get the house? This story don dey get k-leg

This your case is very strong. If all you say is true, then you have really tried your best. Don't come and kill yourself for another person. You aren't new to house chores and staying celibate for long periods of time,so you won't miss her much when you tell her to leave. Tell your wife to leave and get help. It isn't only when a person strips naked that we say he he or she has a mental problem. Such environment is even unhealthy for your kids to grow up in. Insist that she must get help, whether spiritual or psychological. We don't want to wake up one day and read the news that a wife killed her entire family. It's better to be happy alone than miserable for an entire lifetime. If she really wants the marriage to work,she will carry her legs,seek help and come back to you.

Again, as I always say, divorce isn't as bad as people paint it. If all has been exhausted, divorce her ass biko.

Wow! A very powerful topic. This is something that we have refused to address. I didn't grow up in a family where the first child is expected to take care of all the financial responsibilities, neither do my extended relatives behave thus. You can imagine my irritation when I married into one. My husband even sends money to his married elder sister, all in the name of being an 'Okpara'. His mum objected to our marriage because 'he hadn't settled her yet'. His siblings demand for everything you can think of,never mind if he is broke or not. And when he doesn't oblige them, they start with the emotional blackmail. It has gotten worse since marriage. Now if he doesn't oblige them, they say it is his wife.

The ironic thing about such families is that they monitor the expenses of their son's/brother's home. They never fail to 'advise' his wife to cut down on spending and they go as far as insisting that she gets her own means of income.

Tell your wife to warn her mum. If the situation doesn't change, change am for mama. Warn her to stay off your stuff. If she tries to emotionally blackmail you with age or what not( as is typical with Nigerian elders ), threaten to report her to her husband or any elderly male figure in the family. Shikena

Benita27:
LMAO. Ginaz, when you get married, please allow your husband to be bothering your parents with his financial obligations like a boy.

I remember saying there's absolutely nothing wrong in asking them for assistance but he shouldn't make it seem like they owe him assistance.

Thumbs up babe. There is really nothing wrong in asking the father in-law for assistance but here in Nigeria, it is all shades of wrong. In this same forum,we ve seen most of the guys shouting upandan that they can't burden themselves with the wives' family issues, they only care about their mothers and their unborn kids etc.. Now they see nothing wrong in running to that same family for assistance and our fellow woman is here supporting that nonsense. I know a lady who has this same issue happening to her right now. Since she got married ten years ago,her husband has never sent a kobo to her parents even for Xmas. All his money went to his ' loving mother that watched his infant head'. He was taking care of his elder brother and his family instead of his own family. Paying rent in two places, refusing to pay his kids' school fees till the school chases them home but he never delayed in sending the school fees of his brother's kids. Alas,now he has run into debts accumulating into millions and has several court cases,all without the knowledge of his wife. When the whole thing blew open,his mother,brother,uncles and sisters abandoned him to his fate. He can't even feed his family at all. When he was jailed by one of his creditors, his uncle that swore to stand as a guarantor and bail him out,ran away at the police station. It was his wife's brother that sent the bail money. It was the wife's mum who came all the way from the village with foodstuff to feed them at that time. It is still the wife's father running around, looking for money to help their daughter's plight. Yet this is the same man that was abandoned by his son in-law all these years.

The painful thing about the above story is that the son in-law actually sees nothing wrong in all his actions. He even demands from his wife when her father will send the next cash so that he can squeeze out some for his 'loving' mum. He comes home everyday and shouts at her for not calling her family for more money. This is also a man that married her right out of secondary school and refused to further her education. He blatantly told her to stay home and be a full time housewife. If this lady chooses to abandon the marriage tomorrow, I won't blame her at all. Some men are just not worth it.

konfused:
Yea, I understand your point, its your body, I am not trying to be judge or condemn, but apart from medical reasons, is there any reason at all a woman wouldn't want to breastfeed her baby. Thats the main purpose of the breast if I may say.

The numerous advantages of breastfeeding a baby outweighs any reason a woman might have not to breast feed unless on medical grounds. I tend towards thinking its a lil bit selfish of a woman to deny her child that.

The funny part is that the formula feeding is gotten from a cow's breast milk, so why not give the child the real deal.......

IMHO

One quick question Op...

If your wife had her boobs cut off prior to the pregnancy or God forbid,she had died during labour, how will you feed your child,since you are so insistent on this breast milk and totally against baby formula?

Please I am not cursing or wishing your wife death or sickness. I am only asking you to imagine a scenario where your wife isn't available or able to breastfeed at all.

Life isn't set in stone. There are always more than one way to handle issues.

zaragal:
Op, people like eyinjuege, micfoley, Acidosis n the rest have said it all.

my mum always say to me 'if you can enjoy people's goodside, be ready to endure dia bad side''

Base on u write up this woman is good woman n a rare one at dat. I tink d problem is you, u ve ego n esteem issues u nid to work on. She walks out on u (tho disrespectful) so?

there are errors sumtimes in cooking, evrybody does. y make hill out of a mole?

put ur house in order man!

CcDarkRebels69 y r tackling fluxcunt? free the lady biko. if you like her, tell her

Fyi: She Is married

Hi. Please it's fluxbush. Thanks.

DarkRebel69:
Your husband must have really tacky taste in women since the person he's married to, as it appears, is one incapable of following a simple train of thought.

You scolded the OP for not defending his wife when she was insulted by a poster here. And then I asked if you (Fluxcunt) replied every single troll on the internet who aspersed a family member of yours. You failed to see the logic in my statement and took to hurling sour grapes instead. Oh, I get it now... it's that time of the month, eh?

Ok. I agree with every sexist and misogynistic comment you just made. You ve really proven how intelligent you are and how dumb a blonde I am. Go and self-service yourself in ecstasy.

DarkRebel69:
LOL. Is that really you in your DP? Yeah, I had to steal a brief look. What I find most unsettling is how a woman with so respledent a smile can still manage to be prodigiously DUMB. Archetypal dumb blonde... or is it brunette?

Now I am convinced you are a troll and a foolish one at that. You can't even answer a simple question without resorting to insults.

Thanks for complimenting my smile. My husband basks in it.

jakandeola:
me I kip saying dat I will beat her if not I lose respect

Mr stalker! I knew you were gonna jump in here with your yeye talk. Stop quoting or disturbing my mentions. I ve told you before to kill your woman with any weapon of your choice. Baba Respect.

DarkRebel69:
You do only have short-term memory, don't you?

You castigated the OP for failing to rebutt when a certain poster called his wife a bïtch, hence the reason I made that post.

I should be asking you if something is wrong with your memory and your cognitive thinking. How does that make me his or the wife's relation?

DarkRebel69:
Fluxbush, do you respond to every troll on Nairaland who uses derogatory language against your family members or your husband (if you have any).

Cut the man some slack.

My family members? My husband? Now you ve lost me. What are you going on about,young man?

Did anyone insult my family or husband here abeg?

vanemo:
Madam abeg take am easy. That I didn't respond to that on a faceless forum does not mean I condone it or see her as such. No one would do that in my presence without eliciting and appropriate reaction from me. That I let it slide on a faceless forum like this does not mean the contrary. Thanks

You should never let it slide any where,faceless forum or not. The way you stand up for your wife is a reflection of your character. I can bet on my life that you won't stand for anyone, faceless or not,calling your mum a bitch. Why is your wife different?

Back to the matter, you have a woman who stood by you when you were a broke ass nigger. You also mentioned that she encourages you to be at your optimal best,even when you are obviously slacking off. Me thinks you should cut her some slack. I have a sister who forgets everything under the sun. When I send her on an errand, I have to call her at intervals to remind her and even at that,she still forgets sometimes. Has that made me threaten to beat her? Will I kill her for that? Don't assume she is deliberately doing this to belittle you, thereby planning to treat her fuuckup. Talk to your wife, Oga.

Do you know there are some peppers that are hot and you don't know till after cooking? The fact that she even begs you after the deed,shows she is not looking for your wahala on purpose. Shit happens in the kitchen sometimes. We are not feature chefs on food network. Again,talk to your wife

As for the walking out issue, your narration is one sided. We were not there to hear your tone and body language. If she is as you describe, i.e a woman who says it as it is, walking out when mad is the best. It is better to walk out than saying nasty things in the heat of the moment. Or would you prefer she stays back and insults the shit out of your life? Oga, call your wife and ask her why she acts like that.

In all,calm down and enjoy your wife. She is a good woman and deep down,you know it.

vanemo:
My dear I don discuss tire.

Someone called your wife a bitch and you couldn't even pretend to defend her. What kinda husband are you? This act alone shows why she walks out on you during a heated argument. If you can condone such disrespect in a public forum,God knows how you talk to her at home.

So what if you gave her money to start her biz? So what if she cooks with much pepper? If this person was your sister or your mother,would you beat her? No matter how you try to paint yourself as a good man being pushed to the wall by his wife, we see through you. You are a petty and egotistical man. I can't believe a grown up man will refuse to eat his wife's food for a week cuz of an incident of pepper earlier that week.

Please beat her. Kill her sef. Afterall a wife is replaceable. Nonsense.

ClassicQueen:
Lol @100 naira Davis pencil. The only one that dosnt feel intimidated among them and is close to me is the one having issues with them. We are close and share problems 2geda @d saame time I don't have friends and enemies among them all I roll with all of tthem even when she try to gossip about them 2me, I pretend not to hear.

I can relate with your story. I have the same thing happening to me. At first,the ladies couldn't come up with a single reason for their antagonism. Later they came up with I am too quiet. When that didn't hold water, they are chanting pride. I tried to practically lick their feet but the disrespect even got worse. The envy is so bad that my MIL tells me every time that she doesn't like the way my skin shines. That I have to become dark like them. Mind you, I am not even a fair person, I just have a nice chocolate complexion.

The best advice I can give is what I told myself. Forget them. Do your duties as a DIL and a wife. Don't even put out yourself trying to please anyone anymore. The more you persist, the more they insult you. Most people especially those who grew up in little towns and haven't been exposed to different cultures can be very narrow minded.

Dontaskme:
UPDATE
Whether you believe in God or not ,I the kind of person who can anticipate and see things before they happen .And have a very prophetic tongue .
Any time she is about to do something ,when it wont go well or my spirit is troubled about it ,I tell her .Some times she stubbornly disobeys and she always comes back home regretting.The same goes the other way round (when good stuffs are coming her way ,i tell her and it happens that way).

Recently again she wanted to repeat her stubbornness ,I reminded her of what always happens any time she disobeys me,the girl boldy told me I have evil spirit thats why I always .We had a long argument ,she even condemned the phone I bought for her "calling it rubbish",because her company gave her a new phone.

Today is her birthday,I wished her happy birthday when she woke up this morning ,she was Hot,disturbing me to have sex with her .I couldn't even look at her face because all I felt was disgust and anger coupled with regret.

I tried to have a heart to heart talk with her (for the 1 millionth time) telling her to PLEASE change her behavior of being rude and talking anyhow,telling her how perfect she would be if she just let go off her behavior of quick anger and talking rudely (I didn't mention it in the initial post,she also talks to outsiders rudely). I told her of how tired I was of everything and I just wanted peace of mind.As she always says (she started calling me names,broke man,she cant manage with a poor man etc),telling me of how tired she is of me and how I am not useful to her .

She busted out in anger as usual saying she would pack her things and leave ,this time around I boldy told her to GO ,she was like
" I would drop the phone you bought if you want "
I replied "If that is what you want no wahala"

Long story short :
She came back from work not too long ago,picked up her clothes and left,she also dropped the phone I bought for her.And inserted the SIM card into the new phone her company gave her (Its a more expensive phone).
I just pray she doesnt come back begging ,because that is what she always does ,after leaving for some days .
I also need your prayers folks .
Thanks for all the help

Prognose
Mindfulness
nnamdiosu
bigcp
Foxyn 1234onyekwe lastmessenger Gluthatione firstking01 Fkforyou maclatunji OLUWAcypris1 emmyN Alennsar luxy44 pato405 izzou fluxbush debsnick

Good. It is time to take control of your life and emotions. First things first, change all the locks in case she has keys to the apartment. Then get a mutual friend who will stand as a witness, to agree on a specified date and manner to pay off your debt. Better for you if the friend is a lawyer.

Mean it this time and let her know that you can't be pushed around anymore. This life is too short for bullshit. And after this passes away,no more cohabiting till marriage. Work on yourself and relieve yourself of all the emotional baggage.

Mtchewww...

Any man that will not respect his marriage vows and still has the nerve to use this trash written above as an excuse, should carry his Ghana must go and waka. Who get time for this nonsense? Life is short,jare. When you men suffocate us with your pot bellies all in the name of love making, do we go out for better options? Shioorr..

@Op, I just want to point one thing out. You said you can't leave cuz you still love her and owe her. Dude,trust me you don't love her. This is not love. What you feel for her is similar to Stockholm's syndrome. You ve become so used to her nonsense that you ve convinced yourself that it is love. To worsen it,you owe her money!

I am an introvert and I felt your pain when you said your psyche has been messed up. You have to leave this lady now and permanently. Forget the money thing. Just leave her for the sake of your sanity. Even if you have to live under the bridge,just leave. And when you do,cut off all communication with her. No forwarding address,no social media,screen her calls etc.... Absolute silence. If she knows where you work,let the security know she is not to be allowed in.

This relationship is a disaster,waiting to happen. This kind of scenario never ends well.

Vorpal:
But littlefinger is a fool. His cunning hasn't taken him that far, though he makes some salient point in the series, he is more of an opportunist who seeks to further his interests thinking everyone is a fool.

For all his cunning, he has failed to see that the society he hopes to become king is rooted on nobility, and by that, all his effort will eventually come to naught.

You have come again! Always twisting everything to suit yourself.

What makes littlefinger a fool? The fact that he has manipulated the entire Westeros into a war? The fact that his ultimate goal is sitting on the iron throne? Abeg give the guy credit. His deviousness is one of a kind. He is even smarter than Tyrion and Varys. Moreover his character is even watered down from the one in the books.

Threebear:
Since everyone is watching game of thrones and stuffs
Am I weird for watching Tyler Perry's if loving you is a crime? and the haves and have not.

Totally weird. Just watch season one and you will thank me later. You will join us to wait impatiently for each new season. And when you do watch it, I bet that your best character will be Littlefinger.

Giel:
hi
do you have any one you are supporting this week?
can u please vote for tboss
or r u already team tbosa

Been voting Tboss since the Kemen saga. Still voting for her,though giving some votes to Debbie.

MsRoe:
Not as nice? You mean she's not as stupid as you thought she was. How can anyone in their right mind expect T boss and Debby to eat live worms to save Bally? Dem no get head? Even Big brother will flog them for doing that. The rules were clear, the stakes were clear: it wouldn't affect their wager if they stood down.

The only thing Tboss and Debby should realistically have been aiming for was 38 points. If Bisola's clique wanted them to work for the 43 points, they should not have disrespected their intelligence by strategizing solo to save Bally. They should have all come together to define their goal, and decided who would be saved. Na who be fool? And now, you really don't expect Tboss and Debby to laugh about it?

Everybody now throws the words: manipulative and low-self esteem around without understanding their meaning. What is manipulative about preventing the group from reaching 43 to help their cause? Is it manipulative to win HoH task?

This game was a reminder that they still are one house and need to work together to achieve goals. It doesn't pay the deplorable four to shut them out because they have the numerical advantage.

Gal, you ve killed the issue here. If it was a certain HM,they would have said he was using a certain organ used for excretory purposes.

Imagine a HOH now a head of clique. Mtchewww.

Vorpal:
It shouldn't take that little to get you riled up though.

I sure as hell wouldn't want to go down that road with any woman.

That little? I know what is on my profile text and I know exactly what you meant so don't come here and act all innocent. You don't insult people and act like there is nothing to it. The least you could do is man up about it and apologise. You have no right whatsoever to use a text (gotten from a book and series I enjoy) to diss me. If you can do this kind of shit over a show to a total stranger, God have mercy on your friends and acquaintances.