₦airaland Forum

5minsmadness:
Smh

Yelzzzz... . What did I do?

joseph1832ng:
You don't know me, do you? I'm not among those peeps who are slaves to their families.

I tell you, i'm from a christian family, but I'm not a christian. I can bring a muslim woman with 5 kids and tell my parents I want to marry her and they won't tell me no, why? Because i've drummed it into their heads that i'm responsible for my happiness, because it's my happiness, not theirs, but mine, so my decision is final.

That's how steadfast I am. Cos I don't subscribe to archaic and old fashion rules and beliefs.

If my mum I wrong, I tell her flat out she's wrong. No sugar coating.

OK. I take your word for it. Why do you question mine? You don't know me too,do you?

Gennyike:
I have been following up your comments and you are the only sincere lady on this thread with few other ones being straight.....the rest are white washed face, pretentious hypocrites; desperados of end time.

May God bless you. I Love you and creamie too.

e- hugs . We shall overcome.

APCmyheart:
At the first bold up there, You mean like saying the husband should give his morning serious warning to stay clear or stay off you and your husband affair even if she see what looks like danger happening to her son? Continue but remember your sister will also ask your brother to give the same kind of warning to her MIL..


@the second bold, But your likes will rush to your brothers house to lash on your sister inlaw. Mind you no sister will watch his brother wife insult or maltreat their mother even you.


Well about the divorce rate about 70% or more rates are caused by the impatience of the ladies, You always want to be in control of everything, You want to know where your is every moment, You want to know who he mingle with with, Some ladies will even ask their husband to stop mingle with some of their old friends cos she never like them..

Some will decide what their husband give to his mother, brothers, sisters etc.

Let me just say this you might get mad over it but i will still say it, There is nothing like equal right in marriage in africa, don't let those white mofo's deceive you guys, In our cultures men always have more right and superiority over there wives in all aspect, But the way you comfort yourself will determine how your man will treat you. As a lady who with good moral, You no matter what the case maybe you don't have the right to slap your hubby cos if you do, you will be inviting the beast in him except he is such dunce man.

Gosh! I give up! Are you for real? Your mum sees danger in her son's marriage and she takes it upon herself to confront the DIL, while you sit back and watch the drama unfold. Is it your mother that has the manhood used to bleep your wife( pardon my French)? So your job is only to consummate the marriage while your mother becomes inspector bediako and voltron for your wife matter? Please, what do you take your wife for? A zombie? If at all your mother sees any danger in your marriage, her duty as an elder is to warn you quietly and even talk privately to your wife,not engage her in a fight or argument. Then again, there is nothing wrong if you see your mother misbehaving in your matrimonial home and you give her a serious warning. Or you want to tell me that if you catch your mum in a hotel drinking and in a bad crowd, you will pet her and beg her not to do it again abi?

My likes? Wow! Another personal attack on my being. Do you know me? Have we met before? Have you dated me before? If no to all these, what gives you the right to judge and assume rubbish about me? Well for your info, I was brought up well by a good woman. I have two brothers and one is old enough for marriage, and I have never met or worried about his babes. That is his bloody life. If in the future,any of their wives insults my parent, na my brothers I go jack to warn his wife. Can you see the difference between me and your likes?

You are a hypocrite, a big one at that. So as a wife, I shouldn't know my husband's whereabouts but you wanna know my every movement. I shouldn't criticize his choice of friends but he is allowed to order me to stay off my single friends. I shouldn't know about his contributions to his family but I am expected to submit my salary to him and beg him to send my parents pocket money from that salary. Hmm... God is waiting for all of you on that last day.

Phew! You are enough to be a project topic. Abeg where did I ever mention equality in African marriages? You no know wetin you go yarn again,so you just dey misyarn. You even mentioned slapping the husband. O ga oo. I thought the issue here is MIL vs DIL. A lady with good morals? What a laugh! Men shouldn't have morals and scruples abi? Na us carry morals for head like Okonjo Iweala,okwaya?

If you want to go the African route, my dear go and research on the family structure during the days of our forefathers. Stop all this nonsense of terrorizing women to submit to every of your whims and caprices. Stand for something. You either go the African route or the oyibo route. All this remix no make sense abeg.

joseph1832ng:
Easier said than done.

Na wa for you sef. I ve told you what I intend to do and how I want to act,yet you doubt and expect me to behave otherwise. Why? Cuz you also have the notion that all DILs are at fault. As for your loving mum, thank God for who she is. If she was otherwise, I trust you would side with her because she is your mum, even if she does something terrible. It is well with us.

joseph1832ng:
When it's your turn to become a MIL, let's see how you'll behave.

Remember, what goes around comes around. Most times, that is.

Of course I can't wait to be a MIL but I don't intend to force myself into my son's home. I know how it feels personally to have relatives mistreat and abuse you for no reason than the fact that they are linked by blood ties to you. So my dear,I will never subject another woman,who was brought up in another environment, to unnecessary wahala. Even if I am a widow, that won't be an excuse to share my son with his wife. Let her enjoy her marriage as I enjoyed and experienced mine. Marriage is not between a man,his wife and his mother.

Creamish:
I guess ur one of those who believe all MILs are angels and DILs are demons..

Don't mind them. Even when it is staring them in the face that their mum is troublesome, all they will tell their wives is 'try and understand' or 'pray for her to love you'. As if the MIL cannot be offered same advice. Women yaff seen something in this life.

APCmyheart:
Funny, In your post i mean the one i quote

"You said if the husband cannot control his erring mother, Do you really expect the ' bought out' wife to show love and wish the MIL well?


That statement alone nail you, I believe if your sister inlaw says the same you will clap for her abi? in that statement it means if the husband cannot control his mother then you can never show him love instead you can even kill her cos if you never show someone love and never wish him/her well you can kill that person.

Let me tell you this, No matter how you put it Mother in law will always be superior over their child. So if you are not ready to bow for your MIL then you ready to face her wrath.

I always tell people and will keep saying it, I have known my mother for almost 3 decades before i even think of getting to her so she should always respect that.

Mister, I just tire for your matter. So that is how you understood my words,right? To you,control has to always mean dominate abi? You didn't see the corresponding word 'erring' which should have told you I meant to correct his mum,abi? Don't blame me if you misconstrued my post. Everything shouldn't be taken quite literally.

Every woman and wife has a family she came from. Have you guys ever put yourselves in our shoes? We leave our families, homes and sometimes cultures to adapt to a brand new one, yet you men expect us to behave like we are a sponge soaked in water. Do you think we have hypo running through our veins? Or you think we don't have feelings too? Why should a sister in law come to my matrimonial home to talk shit about me,if she was properly trained by this same MIL? Can you see the hypocrisy here?

Nobody dey drag superiority with una mamas. Same way you give your mother, whom you have known for decades,that unconditional respect,your wife is entitled to that degree of respect. If you don't know,your enemies can use your wife to kill you cuz she is the closest person to you. She cooks for you and sleeps in your bed. So why will you threaten and blackmail her with your mother?

Until you guys really calm down and understand the real concept of marriage, the divorce rate and spousal murders will continue to escalate. Even in the time of our ancestors when sons and their fathers lived in one big compound, each had their huts and cooking pots. Mothers never interfered in their sons' affairs cuz they had a husband to attend to. Alas,these days where you have kids forcing themselves into marriage, mothers dictate everything to their sons and these boy-men allow it,thereby pushing their wives into unnecessary hate and bitterness.

Note: A good mother will never interfere in her child's marriage except where battery and danger to life is involved. She knows where to draw the line between being an elder and being a terrorist.

APCmyheart:
One them, Your likes will be claiming superiority over the man, You will always want to have control over him more than his mother, You will always want to dictate how he treat his mother, You will want to know when he give her money, How much he gave her.. Continue..

Well maybe you need to learn first from your mother how to treat your MIL except you were brought up by a mother who is like you.

Oh please shut it! You think your rantings will make me feel bad about my opinions? I ve seen and heard worse, so just park one side abeg. Where in my post did I suggest superiority over a man? And you even had to mention my mum? You are very ignorant and emotionally stunted.

If you had common sense, you would have addressed the points I made instead of resorting to personal attack and insults. It is emotional midgets like you that give a bad name to marriage. Don't quote me again if you can't engage in intelligent and meaningful discourse. You think I am one of those helpless and needy women you can terrorize with your emotional blackmail? Nonsense. Mtchewwwww

Ugh! Another thread for guys to bash DILs. Already, one Ahab above is talking shit about wives being replaceable. Now with attitudes like that, when a supposed husband can't and won't caution his erring mother, do you really expect the ' bought out' wife to show love and wish the MIL well? And all in the name of cementing the bond between mother and son, as if the wife was cultivated from a tree.

I am not for wishing MILs death, karma or not, but when men learn to put everyone in their proper places,there will never be scenarios where MILs and DILs will be antagonistic towards each other. The onus lies on our lily-livered men and husbands.

Food for thought: MILs are not the mothers of the wives,so don't expect them to flow same as they flow with their actual blood. I can tell my mum that I am tired and won't cook for a day and she will understand me cuz I am her daughter. Say that to MIL and my box is already on its way to my father's house.

This lady is an actress indeed. This story is hogwash. She claims she hasn't been to see the blackmailer but the screenshots of the chat was obviously done on his phone.
She was asked to provide evidence where the blackmailer actually blackmailed her, no answer. Wasn't that supposed to be the actual chat she release to the public? Why show us chats of them arguing after she had gone public?
She is obviously milking the publicity gotten from Chidinma's case and even botched her attempt at it.

And for everyone already chanting the 'cucumber' slang, you all are always in a hurry to say toxic things about your fellow humans. Detoxification costs nothing. Take five cups of water first thing in the morning to detoxify your system.

Hmm..... This is a bad situation. You saw the signs before saying I do but you plunged headlong into it. Well,no need crying over spilt milk.

Now to solutions: I am sorry to say this but guys like yours hardly ever change. It will take the grace of God or an earth shattering event to change people like that. So how do you move on? You either have a divorce or you live an independent life in that marriage. Get a job whether you ve served or not. Empower yourself in every way possible. Don't give him any chance or excuse to abuse you physically or emotionally. Yes,when he sees how independent you become,his 'manliness' will become threatened. Ignore that. Live for yourself and for your kid. No man is worth the effort of suffering in a marriage from hell.

Divorce isn't as bad as our society makes it out to be. You are still very young and by the time you improve and empower yourself, it is even you that will beg men to stop chyking you. I have a friend who had this same issue years back. Hers was even worse cuz she and her family sold some of their properties to sponsor the guy abroad,all because he 'married' their daughter. When he got there, he shunned her completely and abandoned everyone. This is after being beaten and humiliated here in Nigeria during their courtship. She moved on and filed for divorce in absentia and bettered her lot. Now as I type, she is getting ready for her trad in two month's time. My point is marriage shouldn't be a do or die affair. If it doesn't work out, please leave. Your peace of mind should be your major priority.

But again,it is my opinion. What do I know?

Laburos:
No comment expect my response in 35 years time.

Like I want to hear your response,right?

AfroKnight:
Just look at these ladies. They have forgotten that they will become mothers in law one day. Just look at the nonsense they are saying. Na somebody marry these ones o.

You cannot stop his mother from moving in unless you are evil. She is his mother and they are related by blood and genes. You on the other hand were married.

You can divorce a wife but not a mother. Better respect the bond between a man and his family before marrying him.

The good woman raised him to be a good catch for you but now you want to relegate her.

The man will decide not you. Nonsense.

When I see comments like this from supposed adults,I marvel. So the wife fell from the sky abi or was plucked from a tree? Your mother will be the one to continue the family name,okwaya?

Even the bible you guys like to quote says a man will leave his parents and cleave to his wife. Nowhere did it say the mother and his sisters will pack their bags and Ghana must go,and move into his home. Traditionally sef, why will a woman leave her husband's compound and obi unattended to? Una never talk wetin una want.

When 'men' are ready to be men,please let us know. Enough of this emotional blackmail with your mothers. We also have mothers, fathers,siblings and grandparents.

Is your house help an American?
Lie lie man.

Dyt:
I remember a few
Always been a lazy reader
But I remember them all

But the one that almost gave me a knock is Macbeth
I think that's where the greedy schelock wanted a pound of flesh

Mba ooooo. Who wrote the one you speak of? Must have been written in Bosnia . The Shylock story is Merchant of Venice. Oya thank me.

Caveatemptor:
Boss, I understand your point.
I was just worried about the unborn baby and the other child. I felt if she had a bank account,things such as antenatal payments in a good hospital would be easier for her. I felt if she had some spending money in her hands she would calm down and the aggression towards her mum would mellow down.
From my conversations with her she is performing her antenatal in a local Baba's place. I warned her of the dangers of using such unregistered maternity homes in case of complications during birth. We both prayed such complications would never be her portion in God's name,but privately I was worried and curious as to why her mother would allow her to register in such an unhealthy maternity home. That is why I feel her mum has her own short comings in these issues or she is financially incapacitated.
In my humble opinion this lady needs our help and we must all rally around to help her in any way we can.
I suggest Thorpido who has been able to get close to the family should continue to work on both mum and daughter and then get back to any body ready to contribute to the cause.
I am readily available to any contributions. Just mention my moniker.
Peace!

You are a very nice person. However, I think your help and contribution is wasted on the wrong person. She was even too lazy and proud to wanna put herself out in selling those cards. Even the holy book says there is no food for a lazy man. Oga,you ve tried abeg. There are many needy and homeless women with kids on the streets. Go and sow that seed in their lives. Believe me, their prayers for you will be more sincere and heartfelt than this spoilt woman/child.

mirob:
Some people here are really pretending to be what they are not in real life, trying to appear all kind while they are the devil themselves, let that girl get off her ass and go to her mum's shop or look for what to do, she is no toddler, this is a full grown woman we are talking about here, pregnant or not, she should think for herself and not expecting people to do everything for her. Yeye dey smell.

As in ehn! The whole matter just tire me.

thorpido:
What I mean by gingered is when she has had an argument with someone and is ruffled.
Yes,she doesn't need to be pampered.

Argument kwa? Have you ever seen how contractors act when they are pursuing juicy contracts? They will never raise their voices or be caught in an argument against the ones giving out the contracts. That is when you see a rich man prostrating with his tongue licking the ground,all because he wants that contract. The emphasis here is humility. Which is something this lady completely lacks and instead dishes out large doses of pride and haughtiness. She came on here begging for help. That action alone disqualifies pride. People have followed her case up with a barrage of calls and chats,yet you say she engages in arguments when she is ruffled. Haba! Who does that? Even if some people's comments might annoy her, for the sake of the help she claims she needs, common courtesy demands she keeps quiet and make her point known in a courteous way,instead of gingering.
As far as I see, all she wants and expects is cool hard cash. She didn't expect everyone to get so involved to the extent of speaking with her mum,which is why she is gingering. Una don spoil market for am.
Compare her attitude and that of the other nursing mother in the other thread who had to codedly send her kid to feed off her neighbours. That is what a good mother does. If that lady had a badly damaged tablet to sell, she for don do am tey tey.
I am not trying to dismiss or downplay all the help you ve rendered so far. You ve proven to be a rare human indeed. But I don't think she needs any help at all. The help she needs is in her. If she had put her back into working hard from the moment she had her test results,she would have saved enough for ante natal care. Giving her money and 'encouraging' her will only prove to her that with a little tears and some tantrums,she can always get her way. Life proves otherwise.

thorpido:
I had to lol at the bolded.It's my experience too.It's hard catching her words on phone especially when she's gingered.

Caveatemptor,I hope you didn't take it personal.Please still offer any help you plan when there's a need for it.

I have followed this drama from day one and I am starting to get really pissed. What is all these abeg? Why should she even be gingered? Does this lady realise she has it better than most people out there? She has a roof over her head,she is educated, she has relatives ready to put up with her shit,she has an acquired skill and she even has an old lady acting as a part time nanny.. What else does she want for crying out loud?
I can't even believe there are people here trashing Onegai for her comments. If we can be truly honest with ourselves,this Moji girl has done nothing so far to warrant any soft words or petting from anyone. She even lied about her being so sick and practically starving. Now someone else has revealed that she is the obstinate type which we all know do not change overnight. Something Onegai has been hammering on from the get- go. Abeg,enough of the sentiments. Onegai isn't commanding or dictating. She is only saying the truth as it is. Alas,we are used to sugarcoating everything that when the ugliness is thrown at us, we cringe in disgust.
Madam Moji,work on your self. Most mothers in rural areas,at your age and in your condition, still go to farm and do other 'manly' jobs. You have no right to expect help from others, even your mother. She don try for you already.

My fiance had a dream where he couldn't find his car at his office's parking lot. What does that portend?

I am confused now. What is today's date?

okwadatigbogal:
That was what the poster made it look like! he made it seem like igbos all come from NRi, which is a big fallacy. Also, this your statement 'Even People as far as AroChukwu despite how powerful they were sought out Nri in spiritual matters', is a BIG fallacy. The ancient AROS were untouchable and they didnt need any spiritual assistance from nowhere. ARO kingdom was the last in the entire South-east(AND I think PRESENT DAY nigeria) to fall to the BRITISH COLONY. it was hard for the british to penetrate due to our popular god 'Ibinu Ukpabi'(popularly known as long juju), which offered superior protection to AROS. We are the only people in Nigeria that have a serious war with the British and they were never fully able to conquer the 'Long Juju' of the Aros. Alot of British wrote books on this and even films and documentaries were made. Read about the 'ANGLO-ARO' war. So coming to NRI for spiritual matters is NOT true.

Iya m(big sis in my dialect),you are highly intelligent. I laughed when I saw that statement about the Aros coming to Nri for spiritual solutions. Truly, many Igbos do not know their history well. The Long Juju was the most powerful deity(I stand to be corrected) in all of the entire clans in the present South east region. The only time I ever knew or heard about the Nri people was when my Igbo teacher,who's coincidentally from Anambra,taught me that all Igbos originated from Nri. Greatest fallacy of the millenium.

okwadatigbogal:
What are u saying?? Did i ever say we don't speak Igbo??I even never calimed we are not Igbos! Igbos DO NOT have one origin! Ngwaa, owerre, wawa, and some others do not share the same origin! What we are talking about here is ORIGIN, and i said We AROS are not descendants of NRI. What do market days and language have to do with this? And besides what is NRi dialect?? How do u know where/how the present day Igbo dialect originated? Igbos being a combination of different people must have mixed languages at some point or probably the language of the more dominant people back then was used.

Just imagine him saying ALL Igbo dialects evolved from Nri! My father will have a stroke if he sees this. My dialect have no similarity with Nri's. For those of you who quoted me to display your ignorance by saying that I don't know my history,my ancestors migrated from Akwa Ibom and settled somewhere in Abia state. We even share a boundary with the Aros. Never have I heard from my elders that we originated from Nri. So all you Nri faithfuls,park one side abeg.

We Abians have no link or history whatsoever with Nri. I don't understand why Anambraians believe that ALL Igbos originated from Nri. Balderdash.

kidsam:
Poverty is a terrible thing, a man loses his common sense because there is no money in his pocket, leads his wife to temptation and then brutalizes her for it.
Can we just put ourselves in this lady's shoes and ask what you would do if you were the one.
Now his bruised ego will not allow him reconcile with his wife, rather he is bad mouthing her about so that every other person will take sides with him instead of manning up to the situation.
sooooooo sad.

Exactly my thoughts! Not trying to excuse the lady's acts but that silly husband is at fault here. I know how my dad misbehaved when he lost his job,just before my adolescent years. He was very brutal and harsh with his family,especially his kids. I thank God my mum wasn't a spiteful and vindictive woman cuz it would have been so easy to turn us against him.
The lady should leave the marriage for now cuz her life is in danger. That man can and will kill her someday and somehow. The ironic thing is that when he does that, society will hold him blameless.

swagaholic:
Temitemi, passingshot, modath, mizmycoli, barca nd chukwudi...... Uu guys rock...... buh em no change d fact say apc na curse sh

Please remove chukwudi's name from your list. That guy is a biased and mule headed political commentator. Truckpusher makes more sense though he can also be a clown(goes with his profession).

I can't even begin to explain how much I detest this white wedding affair. The Orthodox Christians are the major culprits. Na them carry am for head. If the issue is about blessing the union, I see no reason why a priest or pastor can't do same right after the couple has been joined by the bride's father. The day I uttered this to some pals of mine,male and female alike, I could see smoke shooting out of their ears. I guess I will never understand the craze behind this fad. Some monkeys even go as far as saying that their marriage anniversaries' dates are those of their white wedding,thereby rendering the bride price payment unnecessary.
I just tire for ourselves jare. We complain about wedding expenses but na we dey do ourselves.

Truckpusher:
hehe.....Na by nice fingers ?

We are talking about a paedophile who threatened Nigerians to become a President.

Your comments amuse me especially when you start your diatribe on our President. Chai!! You carry the man matter for head sha. You better go for MRI scan to check for brain tumour.
You are one incorrigible nigger.

Truckpusher:
Our VP got swag unlike the Olodo General who got married to a 9yr old girl.

Yeye
She has nice fingers anyway.

tunergy:
I am a parent myself and i see a lot of parents over indulging their children/wards,

This most times result in need to correct same behaviours.

I have a friend who would not allow his wife scold their son no matter what the boy did, however at a family gathering, the boy walked up to the table where daddies were discussing and he dipped his hands into the bow of groundnuts,

We were all held back and when his father called him back to return the groundnuts, he paused for a few secs and walked away anyway.

You could visibly see the embarrassment on the fathers face.
But i can tell you the boy has never been spanked before in his life and i don't think words are cutting it for him either.
And he is just 5 years.

Your post reminds me of a neighbour who usually tortures me with her three rambunctious kids,all in the name of babysitting. Three days ago,while babysitting and fighting a tornado simultaneously in my sitting room, her little girl of 4years threw her brother's shoe at my tv screen. I took the shoe from her,reprimanded her and removed all 'throwable' items. This little girl intentionally walked to my table,picked up the remote and threw it at the tv again. I looked at this girl and realised that it was a battle of wills. I smacked her across the bottom and snatched the remote from her. I had not taken five steps away before I heard a loud hiss behind me. At that point, I was ready to swear that that girl was an agent sent to make my life miserable. I don't think I ve ever been so eager to dump a kid as I chased them out of my house,back to their mum.