₦airaland Forum

Hmm... The late husband was 25 years. Probably the black widow is 14 years. That might explain her immature level of reasoning.

Back in school,as a fresher and a sophomore,I lived off campus. There was this mad man everyone knew. He was the quiet and non violent type. He went around scavenging in dump sites and mumbling to himself. We all saw him as a harmless mad fellow.
I went for IT and returned for my final year. I came out one morning to take a bus to school and a Mercedes Benz jeep parked in front of me. Lo and behold,I looked at the driver and it was that mad man. It was then I realised I hadn't seen him around since I returned. He grinned and winked at me. I just knew he recognised me as one of those gals who used to pity and avoid him during his 'madness'.
After that man's episode, I became more aware of the so called mad men in the town. None were locals and always disappeared after a certain number of months. Many students who lived in towns like Owerri and port Harcourt claimed to have seen these guys driving expensive cars.

Fabulousb36:
I personally blame d lady for putting up with a violent man for So long nd now her son had to pay for it. This reminds me of What happened in Tyler Perry's "For coloured girls".
#SayNoToDomesticViolence

Please stop this. Enough of pinning the blame on the woman. Didn't you read where she left him several times but was coerced back by family,which is the typical Nigerian attitude? This man killed his own blood for the petty reason of getting back at the wife and here you are blaming her. Please stop it. It is no longer fashionable to blame your fellow woman to appear homely.

Reading through all the comments, I am yet to see anyone call the young guy a gold digger,which is what I believe he is. Someone even said he is hustling and another said he is representing the actual groom. Smh for all these excuses.... If the subject was a lady, chants of olosho,ashewo,gold digger would be flying around the place. Hypocrisy at its peak. Mtchewwwwe

badejob:
But I have seen PERSONAL texts between his brothers & him that he didn't realize I looked through as well..his brothers even told him to "put away" the girl cos she's causing problems..his cousin told me I have the mandate..I believe she's sincere..cos she confronted the girl herself..TWICE (2nd time cos the girl herself lied to her in her face)..said that she was happy when we got together cos he was changing for the better..and she confronted him..told him: me being your sister, how would you like a man doing that to her?? We're going to get through it..the family as stepped in more than you think..

As someone said earlier, there is nothing called legally engaged in this part of the world. One thing in your write up jumped at me though: he was told to put away the girl cuz she's causing problems. It doesn't seem like just an ordinary ex/girlfriend.

By the way,what makes you think he doesn't know you read his texts and messages? Haven't you heard of reverse psychology? When a person wants something desperately, any amount or degree of cunning is allowed. You have no idea how far siblings and family can go towards a common purpose.

You know what you want and how to get about it. We will only give you our opinions based on the tidbits you feed us. The most important thing is that you are happy and will stay happy. Cheerios.

fellis:
You are not lucky in terms of common sense. Have a horrible day

You dey vex

HARDDON:
No, it isnt . But im allergy to drama queens
N pity attention seekers that go robing d whole of humanity in their ebbing tides.



Btw, what do u mean by:
"
Tears aren't a woman's only weapon. The best one's between her legs. " ?

The comment was sexist. Trump made an identical comment to Megyn Kelly and was chewed raw and spat out over it. Make your opinion known without being obnoxious about it.

So you actually went through my profile? .... If you are an avid fan of Game of thrones, the statement would have made sense to you.

nnamdibig:
One of the rare breed of Nigerian men..........who him mama soup no sweet.
Bia Nwanyi m, I won't disturb ur mentions again.

Lol @ mama soup.

nnamdibig:
It will be very shameful if you end up marrying a Nigerian man.
So being proud is now a "Nigerian man" thing ba?
Pls show me a man that is prideful?

Bia nwoke m,if you can't understand simple grammar, then stop disturbing my mentions. Show me where I insinuated in my post that only Nigerian men are proud. Did I even say all Nigerian men are proud?

I am married to one of the rare breed of Nigerian men . Simple, confident and intelligent. As for showing you a 'prideful' Nigerian man,look in the mirror.

badejob:
Seriously!! My husband is sooooo freaking prideful!!

I finally caught him, right?? Finally hard evidence to show his family that he broke his promises to contacting an ex there..that they even were thinking of his ex girlfriend to come over to America after his papers..he was encouraging it, etc..the family has intervened once I turned to hard evidence over..

I know for CERTAIN the family backs me as the true wife & that he presented me as his true wife..not only that, he lies about little stuff!!

He couldn't even admit he was drunk off his butt the other night!! Talking about he was stumbling heavy cos he was "tired"..oooooo!!

Smdh..he even can't admit when he do little things!! Like he even lie to his brothers..even his Pastor over little nonsense things (like how we overslept for church one time by accident & he wanted me to back him & tell the Pastor he had worked overnight instead!!) He claims he wants to keep a "low profile"..

Is this a common Nigerian male trait to be so prideful that he can't admit mistakes or is it just a plain lying habit?? ooooooo

Most Nigerian men are proud,arrogant and compulsive liars. Even when caught in their sins, they will never admit their faults but try to twist it all to make it seem like the woman's. The only advice you will be given is go down on your knees and pray for him but never try to leave him. You can see the manner the first two posters attacked you personally instead of refuting your claims. Typical Nigerian behaviour.

Welcome to the world of Nigerian men and their double standards.

HARDDON:
N lastly, stop blowing your top cos ur menstrual flow is about to start

Was this really necessary?

eduj:
construction work is currently going on at faulks road. construction of Aba leather industrial city has seriously begun not to talk of that of the heavy vehicles and tyre dealers at alaogi. he is trying but, their is still an ample space for improvement. Most of our eastern governors are not proactive enuf about this Fulani issue,they attack first and then go to the government house to nod like the agama. in my locality, we established a vigilant group with police supervision after a close call.

He may be trying as you say but he is bloody slow about it. His victory was a hard fought one because Abians were and still are very bitter with the previous governors. That alone should be enough to ginger him into working at a fast pace after all he isn't a novice in government. He has been in the system for a while.
It is almost as if he is doing one thing at a time instead of several at once. I repeat, there are many rural roads in need of total rehabilitation and so far,nothing has been done about them. We are watching. Abians,home and abroad, are beginning to take note of our state governance seriously and 2019 is not that far off.

As for those morafoockers called herdsmen, na to go buy rifle make sense pass. If our leaders won't protect us,we have to protect ourselves.

Abia state government, always playing to the gallery. Up till now,nothing has been done about the chaos in Aba. I am sure nothing will be done till the next election is drawing nigh,then we will see patch patch work to deceive people that they will complete it in next term. The roads in Ozuitem, both in Ogboko and Isiegbu are totally nonexistent. These are rural communities where their main source of livelihood is farming. Yet there are no access roads to the capital Umuahia until you get to Uzuakoli where the road is motorable.

For years, indigenes of rural communities have been reporting and complaining about the mass movement of herdsmen, especially in the last two years. Yet nothing was done about it and they have amassed and swelled in numbers deep in the bush. Now we have them attacking and killing our people and our governor has done nothing so far but condemn their actions. When will Abia state become proactive in any thing?

I am not impressed with this news of new roads. I will not praise him for it cuz that is what he was elected for. For now,security should be paramount. This is a festive season and our people will come back en masse to their villages. Imagine the horror when we will be attacked unawares like those in Enugu.

[quote author=Masikay post=51337597][/quote]

IAmOged:
You are still not making sense unnie...

though am not surprised-what could a brainwashed mooncalf like you come up with...
...
its a lost race...
...

you are better silent with your deluded mind than this your online shameless display of idiocy and “wereosis”
....
Sleep on ma!...Its good for your health

'Yawns'... You are truly predictable and very boring. If you saw no sense in what I said, then you truly are a dunce. Someone asked you to back up your words with facts and you deliberately ignored that,yet you chose to focus on those who refuses to agree with your 'facts'. How self absorbed can you get!

Last bullet for you nitwit. This mooncalf has an intelligent man wrapped around her finger.

IAmOged:
You ve just proved and buttressed my points with your idioctic rants-you and your moronic moderntimes distortionists think is intelligence and hiked up foolishness u called high self-esteem....meww on sis....

your eyes go soon clear..

My eyes are clear enough to see you are a triple digit IQ dummy. You call what I wrote earlier 'rants'? You are even dumber than I gave you credit for. Look at you foaming and frothing at the mouth all because I refuse to be put in your box of stupidity. You have the gall to call women unintelligent emotional beings yet here you are displaying same.

I don't even know why I am even giving you that much needed attention. You are clearly not worth the effort.

Keep mentioning me. Foolish tart.

IAmOged:
Nullify those valid realities points up there with more sane and unbiased points of yours
..
or
...
bow ur feminist head in shame...

Oh yes,the usual vitriol of being a feminist whenever your views are opposed. Yeah, I am used to that here and that just enforces my belief that you are a guy pretending to be a lady. Coward.

If you really think I will waste my time and intellect to dissect that nonsense you spewed up there, bro,something is actually wrong with you.

This op sef,something is really really wrong with you. Mtchewwww. Come out straight and confess you are a man with a grudge against women, instead of posing as a lady. I don't want to believe a woman will always open threads to diss her gender. I repeat,something is wrong with you.

Collenshy2020:
spot on, for that run to the nearest bar and collect 2bottles of HERO.

I am a teetotaler. Can I take Fanta?

My husband used my hard earned money to buy a piece of land for his mum and deceived me all these years that he did otherwise, and you guys say communication is key? What happened to ' honey, I used your money to buy land but I bought it in mama's name',everyday for two years? He slept by her side, had sexual relations all throughout that time,dined with her, yet he said nothing? Haba! There are some things we hear and we should tell ourselves the simple truth. That man is a wicked man and he can kill. Imagine, he also refuses to talk about it. Where then does the communication come in? He did this with cold deliberation and precise actions.

If it were the wife who did this to the husband, I bet most, if not all,the guys here will scream blue murder and demand that she be thrown out. My take is the wife should leave that marriage. Some marriages are not worth the efforts. If a husband can deceive his wife for two years, he can plan her murder and get away with it.

AyeMoJuba:
Nothing is insulting about my post Ma...and you didn't mention it in your first post that he is hiding money from you

Maybe if you had gone through all the posts on this thread, you wouldn't have made this mistake. And yes, you insulted and misjudged her.

Atk1nson:
So the husband's money is for the family and her own money (even though she admits she earns more) is "HER savings". Anyway I don't blame her, I blame the man who went to see his in-laws and they were asking him how much he earns to know if he is capable of "taking care" of their daughter and he still went ahead with such marriage.

I'm absolving the man of blame, but the husband has come to the realisation that she is keeping "HER money" and doesn't want to spend his either. Both parties are wrong but Op still insists that since she "intended" to disclose it at some future date, hence she is right while the man is wrong. Whatever agreement the man initially had with her was likely based on trust, following the discovery that his wife has is keeping an undisclosed sum somewhere, that trust has been eroded. You can't come and be planning how you will spend my money while you've stashed some away with a plan to tell me at a date u like.

The Op definitely has not earned the man's trust and does not deserve it based on her submissions here. I can't say for the husband because I haven't heard his side of the story.

Are you doing this on purpose?
Reading your post just gave me a splitting headache. And quoting me gave me the hives. If you really really read every post on this thread and still spewed out these comments, then I must say you are out of this world. And this is me putting it mildly and being extremely polite.

@ thotianna baby,Onegai has said it all. Personally I wish you will take her first option, so I can sit back in a year's time and watch our 'wise' men tear you into pieces.

thorpido:
Her husband can't make her spend that savings.It's not for him to insist.
If she contributes to household expenditure and buys gifts for him once in a while,then that's okay.
Op,just needs to find a way to get the husband to be more open about his finances.He says if she knows how much he has,she will start to demand.She should find a way to disabuse that mindset.

Now I know I like you. You are one of the few reasonable and unbiased men on this forum.
@thotianna, calm down joor. Your blood too dey hot. You are not fighting to free Mandela so stop talking about oppression . I hope you ve come to terms with the fact that you were also wrong but that aside,time to move on. Everyone has counseled you on communication. Talk with Oga first and hear his fears,unfounded or not. Go on from there. Take a day at a time. Take a deep breath and see the positives. If all these doesn't work, let it go. Life is too short for shit like this. Oya smile.

thorpido:
No.
You're going about this the wrong way and you're starting to have a mindset that could affect your marriage.

Your husband wasn't open about his finances from the beginning and you also hid your money from him.You both are to blame here.Don't act like you are blameless.You chose to marry him even when there was some distrust.

You need to start to build that trust now.Have a discussion with him about this situation.He has seen you have some money somewhere.Let him know that money is kept for rainy days and don't be coaxed into spending it.However,chip in sometimes to house expenses.It's your house too.
I hope your husband can cooperate and be more open about his finances with you.Your marriage is still young and you need to steer it on the right path.

It's too early to think about separation or divorce.

*singing*where is the love....

Nice one you have here.

Still,you missed some salient points. She contributes to household expenses from her salary. I am pretty sure her husband knows how much she earns. She explained they contribute 50-50. The bone of contention is her SAVINGS. Savings she's had since her college days,which he insists she spends.

From some comments above, I had to wonder if I read this story upside down. I don't understand how people will put ALL the blame on the lady while absolving the husband who should shoulder most of it. And when you try to correct them,they start chanting the feminism warcry. Well,this is nairaland,home to progressive women haters club.

Tritri:
@thotianna

What you did isnt RIGHT as most husband will see it as my spouse is up to something and he has to keep his too.
YOU WANT THE OLD WAYS OF HUSBAND TAKING CARE OF HIS WIFE.

BUT YOU'RE DOING THE NEW WAY OF INDEPENDENCE .

YOU FORGOT THE OLD WAYS DEMAND 100% WIFE'S LOYALTY TO THE HUSBAND ?

Now your husband has started acting the way you started you're angry...

THIS IS VERY FUNNY because IT NOT ME OR MY FAMILY...

IF IT WAS YOUR BROTHER THAT COMPLAIN THIS TO YOUR PARENT ..WHAT ADVICE DO YOU THINK THEY'LL GIVE HIM?

YOU'RE AMONG THOSE LADIES THAT EVEN WHEN THEY ARE MARRIED THEY GO AND BUILD HOUSE WITHOUT THE KNOWLEDGE OF THE HUSBAND THAT WAS EVEN YOUR INTENTION .

IF YOUR FATHER FINDS OUT YOUR MOM HAS BUILDING WITHOUT HIS KNOWLEDGE ..DO YOU THINK HE WOULD BE HAPPY ? DO YOU EXPECT THINGS TO STILL BE THE SAME WAY AS IT WAS? A LADY LIKE YOU WILL END UP HAVING THE HUSBAND PAY RENT EVEN WHEN SHE IS THE OWNER OF THE PROPERTY, AFRICAN WOMEN AND THERE SMARTNESS EVERYWHERE...

WHENEVER I TELL MY FRIEND NO TRUE LOVE AGAIN ....THEY WONT HEAR WORDS..SEE TRUE LOVE..RUBISH

YOU HAVE MADE YOUR HUSBAND LOOK LIKE A FOOL NOW HE'S THINKING WHAT OTHER SECRET DO YOU HAVE THAT HE IS NOT AWARE OF.

Are you for real?
Did you actually go through all the posts on this thread and still say what you did? Wow! I give up.

victor1983:
You know you have to earn trust now even though this issue should have been treated while courting. I can also see his point here although he probably was too guarded about this not envisaging this as an outcome. Your parents asking him if he could take care of you( i would like to get the terminological exactness of the words used in this course by your parents 'cos that can help inform us on why he chose not to disclose his financial status to you no matter how subtle it sounds) could have also had its own impact. He might have literally interpreted it as you being completely cash strapped at that moment and like someone asked( i now see why), you might have or might not have had a job at that time. Please, you might say i'm too fast giving a judgement (but i don't think so), stop calling your husband, this man, it sure sounds benign, but it can be cynical and smacks of sinicism. Your husband probably wanted to guard his loins in case something happens, so the reason for his secrecy. People here have already said it, you two should work very hard on trust.

Very deep...but it doesn't apply in this situation. I don't see any excuse for deleting his bank alerts and at the same time, demanding she spends her money on him. He didn't suggest saving or investing. Just plain spending. Haba! Let's say the truth when we see evil and stop being politically correct. If she was the one who acted that way, most guys would judge her and call her a hoe,olosho, etc. I like what you posted and I know it can change many homes in this kind of situation,but not this one.

As the head of the home, he ought to lead by example. Where did he act right? By being sneaky with his money? By snooping around her stuff for proof of her money? Where? The husband,by his actions, seems to be a selfish person. No sugar coating the truth.

Thotianna, your husband had an idea of your money which is why he went snooping. You didn't make it easier by hiding it,so you also share part of the blame. The deed has been done. Move on. As I said earlier, work on your trust issues. No marriage survives without trust.

thotianna:
Thanks. I will find time to have a very serious discussion about our finances.
I will insist he tells me and if he doesn't I will not spend out of my money because I assume he has a lot that's why he is hiding it.

As for the savings, I have been saving that money since university even before I met him, I am going to invest it how I like. Even if I still spend from my salary on the house, I will not touch that savings. It will be kept away for a rainy day.

Yeah,discuss with him. A good step in the right direction. But I must object to you saying that you won't spend a dime of your money, even if he refuses to be open with you. It might seem like a challenge to his ego. I thought you said you wanted a solution to your predicament. Honey, just do your part and do it well. If you ve been footing the bill for household items,keep doing it. However don't squander your savings on splurges. You two can meet each other halfway.

thotianna:
That was too harsh

Sorry,I was just being dramatic. Hey,I did say I was kidding,didn't I ? No offense intended anyway.

thotianna:
He was snooping on my phone
I doubt he will reveal his money to me. He always takes extra care to delete any bank transaction from his phone both debit and credit and like I said he doesn't want me to demand based on what he has.

I always knew he was a selfish person but I thought it was something I can handle because I am not even a demanding person to start with. I didn't know the selfishness will extend to my money.

Snooping?? Ugh! He even deletes his bank alerts? Nne,you ve entered one chance. Hold up! You saw the signs at the beginning. Why in seven hells did you think it wouldn't be a problem? You want solutions? Sorry you ain't getting any. Guys like yours will never stop, never rest till they get their sticky fingers on your money.


I pray for your sake you won't appear on one of these unsolved spousal murders, shown on TV. My bad! Just kidding.

thotianna:
@TV01, yvesboss, victor1983, fluxbush, sisioge, eyinjuege,

With God as my witness I went into the marriage with every intention of opening up my finances to him but I realized that he never had the same intention. I have even asked him how much he has saved in total but he didn't disclose it instead he told me not to worry about his savings and he has enough for us.

I am so shocked at his change of tune now he found out I have money. He still hasn't revealed what he has to me but now he claims he baby has enough and I have to start spending on him.

If what you say is true, then my apologies to you for misjudging you. Still,there is that utter lack of trust between you two. It is and will be the elephant in the room. Sorry to say this but your husband is not a ' husband material' . He is very selfish and doesn't have a firm grasp on reality. As Onegai said,your money should be invested and kept as a backup for emergencies. That is true for sensible and responsible men. The way you described yours is far from it. What is the guarantee that he won't raise hell about you investing your money? What is your husband's idea of a serious family emergency? If he says A is an emergency and you must use that money for it, and you don't agree with him,what next?

How did he even find out about the money if you didn't tell him? Was he snooping around or a bird whispered into his ears? Why is he so reluctant to share his financial status with you and insistent on spending your money? If you are faced with the fact that your husband is a goldminer, what do you intend to do? My questions don dey too much sef.

I am not part of your marriage but all I can say is be wise. Have a talk with him and discuss your fears. Get a feel of his reaction and replies, then go on from there.

thotianna:
Thanks, this is what I feel as well.

Let me be honest it's actually my money and I am speaking from personal experience.

Our marriage is relatively new and before we got married he told me and my parents he makes up to 120000 or more every month so he has no problem taking care of me. That was actually a criteria our parents gave him, that if he can't cater for me he should postpone the wedding till he is comfortable.



Afterall everything, he found out about my money recently only for him to start telling me that he doesn't have anything and is constantly struggling to even buy food for us. And if I buy anything for myself I should also buy his.

I don't like the fact that you hid your stash from your husband. Why is he your husband if you don't trust him enough to know about it? It seems selfish and sneaky on your part. A man you reveal your nudity to every night,yet you hid something as important as that, it shows you aren't entirely trustworthy.

That aside, why is oga suddenly hankering after your money? He promised your parents that he could take care of you on his salary,without knowledge of your stash. It is weird that he is singing a different tune now that he has discovered a gold mine. Why is his salary no longer sufficient for the family? Does he have any secret vice he is nurturing, like gambling or mistresses?

We know there is a recession but if your husband's a wise man,he would advise you to invest your money and save more for the rainy days instead of asking you to buy stuff in pairs. It shows oga is not financially smart even with his own money and should be given limited access to yours.

Anyway, I think you two have a problem with trust. Work it out. Stuff like this actually leads to divorce.

Creamish:
Check the bolded and see if this says otherwise?


smh... u can like to argue some kain tins sef.. Fluxbush told u what she intends to do to her DIL when she gets to have one and U say "easier said than done"..meanwhile ur mum is doing it and her DILs luv her. .. what makes u feel Flux cant do it??

How hard is it to love another human being?? If my son chose this woman, it means he saw sth good in her.

Babes, me sef tire for the yarn sef. E no get head or nyansh.