₦airaland Forum

MedAnon:
*File photo added for illustration

Just love your and show love to yourself

In this life there is no competition so why competing with yourself

themanderon:
That's if he is still alive.

I swear

guobe:
In my former neighbourhood, there was this young man that was studying medicine in the university, a very brilliant chap and doing very well in his academics.

Though the parents were struggling financially, they made sure all his needs were met.

An opportunity came
then with the Nigerian Government giving scholarship to scholars to school in Russia and this guy was successful as he got a scholarship to study Engineering in Russia .

That was it ,he married a Russian woman and broke communication with his parents and siblings in Nigeria .

The parents were heart broken especially the mum as it made her fall ill and she never recovered from it.
She died and the son didn't come to Nigeria for final farewell.

The dad just died and still no show from him.
Just got chatting with one of his siblings and he said he is yet to fathom why he acted this way as he was well treated as a kid before he went to Russia.
What could have really made him to act this way is a million dollar question.
Life.

Its a pity
Only him can explain how comfortable he is, staying far away without communicating with his family

Dont be surprise he will come how empty hand and without children any day that woman chases him out

Davimana:
After months of job hunting in Lagos I got a job in Yenagoa, Bayelsa with a pay of 150,000, but my sister that has been a great influence in my life thinks I shouldn’t go please guys what do you think

You didn't specify the kind of job you got
What about accommodation who will provide that for you or are you the one paying

There is no prospect for you there due to lack of development

I will rather prefer you get a job of 100k in Lagos and plan well with it, even without accommodation

justyhere:
Please I need your advice. I am getting married, my fiance asked me to borrow his sister my bone straight and a dress and I refused, is this not a red flag? His sister wanted to wear it for a wedding. He didn’t buy it for me. He’s now really upset and has refused to talk to me for 3 days now. Our wedding is in 4 months and I am contemplating getting out of such a relationship. Please advice

I don't want you to see my comment as abuse or insult, but does it mean, when you guys marry what they don't have, they will ask him to tell you to borrow it to their family members

What kind of discussion even lead to him asking you to borrow something to his sister

What were both of them even discussing that lead to that request

Just tell him that whatever she can't afford, simply means that she doesn't need it

Take a your stand and let them know from day one that you don't do things to please people

Don't give out anything with the hope of getting it back, it normally causes problems

brain54:
You already said the child belongs to God...


You can dedicate the child to God without the ceremony. I think what the op is referring to is the ceremony/party of dedication and not the dedication itself.

A pastor can pray on the child and that's dedication.

You can be in your room and dedicate your child and family. Its the whole festivities, party and ceremony about it that the op ( or at least speaking for myself) is referring to.


Why would anyone not want to dedicate their family to their God?

Its just the whole ceremony of it that is not necessarily!

If the party aspect is the problem, then who are they trying to impress, book your child for service any Sunday of your choice and let the child be welcomed and blessed at the altar, after service go home and thank God for it

Dododudu:
A brother needs your advise here please.

Women are full of dramas and always looking for who to blame when they start their drama
So tell your brother to ignore her if she doesn't greet him and behave as if nothing happened

Your wife, made you to apologise to her, She doesn't know that she can't make your brother to apologise to her

Austine567:
My wife has been disturbing me for our child dedication, we have done the first one for our first child but the second child, I don't feel nor see any need to go specially for child dedication. I feel Sometimes people dedicate a child just because everyone else does it.

I don't need unnecessary attention now.

Any opinion in here?

Na waooo, your wife went into labour and delivered successfully mother and child are ok and you don't want to dedicate that child to God

Incase you don't know the child and you all already belongs to God

So do the dedication it's part of a child's growing life

Goodlady:
I am sorry to say this to ya face. I can't date a broke man.
Can't respect a man that's not earning more than me. Reality has proven money's the engine if love so don't preach to me.

What will be used in taking care of my skin, my needs and all the stuff? The answer is money.
It's an aberration for a man to approach someone richer than him.
That's why it's good to do profile check before dating.
A times if numbers weren't given out after sizing the guy's destiny they d say she's rude, she's bla bla bla yenyenyen.
Who nor like better thing?
When there are eligible Bachelors like Paddy Adenug, Okoyya boys, Dantalta family, Danghote family and co to marry from.
Abeg make no sapahead boy disturb me today. I am not responsible for ya hardship. Make you you make legit money before you impregnate or marry any woman.

This one never get sense, when she reach fourty, she go get sense bye force

Phraences:
So i have a choice to make between Vita Galaxy Classic and Vita Supreme. I weigh 88kg.

Some distributors are marketing the Vita Supreme as Semi Orthopedic while others market the Vita Classic as the Semi Orthopedic.

Who has used either or both of the two? Please let me hear your experiences. Thank you.

For your weight which is ok, go for Vita foam, semi orthopaedic, it's written on the body by the edge center

benstuber:
OGs in the house what's your honest opinion and review on the 2008 Toyota Avalon (Direct Belgium)

Just stay away from this Avalon of a car, it's just an executive car with no level

Its expensive to maintain especially the AC and other related issues

Bigdickmoney:
I’m Tired Of My Girlfriend Here In The Uk , She Frustrating Me. She Is An Alcoholic

I have been dating this lady for two years now here in the Uk I’m Nigerian and she is from Kenya. Have only been in the uk for 3 years, and she been here 20 years. She is an alcoholic and alcoholic is affecting her day to day life as she can’t even work or get things done. She lives on benefits.

Each time she drinks she becomes violent and fights me. we live together. Most times I have to run out of the house. I’m the one paying the rent.

2days ago she got violent and hit me several times. The neighbours call the police and I was taken to custody. Now I am out and afraid to go back to the house cos I don’t want to go to police again cos I don’t want anything to affect my dbs.

I’m squatting with a friend. Though her name is also in the contract of the house but I’m the one paying. I can’t even go home now as I’m afraid don’t know what to do. I’m no longer interested in the relationship. But I’m afraid to go to the house even though police didn’t restrict me from the house.

If up till now, you don't see yourself in a dangerous relationship then you are the problem here not the girl

A Kenyan girl for that matter, what actual made you to start dating her to the extent of living with her and becoming a Liability

You didn't behave like a Naija guy

Vikto17:
honestly not making any issues ,,, still love her more than anything on earth ,, just want my woman to look her best

Am glad you love her, as for her age look, you can take her to a spar for a face massage and a good fave cream will be recommended for her

But remember that was the same look you saw when you like her

JoyLong123423:
My dad is late and my fiance proposed early this year. We did Introduction a few months ago and my very difficult uncle who is the last of his siblings was asked to handle the sending of Marriage List. He is now asking my fiance to pay over 100k for him to transport himself to the village to collect the list. He says it is tradition.

I have reached out to another uncle to try to reason with him but no one is doing anything about it.


I'm Ukwani from Ndokwa west and I don't believe this is how it is done. I have gone back to read about my culture and asked other people and someone said that the list can be gotten from any cyber cafe in the town. Please is this true?

I need advice as I do not want my uncle to take advantage of my fiance. All this is just to see the Marriage List before he now starts to pay for what is on the list.

I'm scared that he will inflate what is on the list too and no one will do anything about it.

That man just want to be an obstacle
Trade with caution pls

Meedon:
As a man if you marry from my village there are things you need to be wary of and your wife committing adultery is one (the most important). If your wife commit adultery and you heard about it but did not care to do anything about it. My brother, your stomach would swell up and you would die. Sicknesses would attack your body, you wither and die abruptly without wasts of time. My ancestors (Ibegwu are very active here) kill anyone that is a victim of wife cheating.


Another one is if you lick your wife or girlfriend private part, you are also in trouble unless you perform some sacrifices to appease the ancestors (Ibegwu). I have seen many women run to the village to perform this sacrifice to the ancestors. One girl did for 2 times. The third time, the Ibegwu asked her to bring goat instead of the normal cock that is required.

This is just a warning to men who want to marry from my village. If you want to live long run to the village and perform the required sacrifices when noticed that your wife is playing away march if not otilor is your case.

We have so many rules which if you go against you would see shege from the Ibegwu's but this one is the most common amongst the folks in the village. If you as a wife no fit deh faithful to your husband, the result must show.

I as much as this tradition is good, you guys have to include stealing in the community, if you break into some one's house wether you still or not but you forcefully gain entrance, let the same fate affects that person

natedensel:
My mum died not long ago, and my dad has a hand in her demise because her marriage was a turbulent one and she died of HBP, now shortly after she died, my dad came along with one woman who is very bold and shameless, first off she already has children from another fling not marriage, and now she comes and sleeps over, infact she's not discreet about it she's bold, brazen and doesn't feel ashamed of what she's doing.

Recently she has gotten more relaxed , she used to mind her business, she comes and do her thing and leaves, now she overstays, and she's now meddling in our family affairs, trying to mom me and my siblings now, then turning our dad away from us, now my dad sponsors her and her child from another relationship but neglects us like he did our mom.

I could easily make life miserable for her but I am not interested because I'm moving out as soon as possible, but what about my siblings, she has taken over everything and now she's my father's voice.

Dont allow that woman make you to take a decision you can't defend, don't go too close to her but let her know that you are not interested with what brought her into your family

Since you are packing out do so quickly and later on, sort out your siblings or keep assisting them from your own end

Seat dad and your siblings down and let dad know that the pains of your mother's demise is still in you people's mind and he went and brought in a woman that is now making life hard for yo all

Also let him know that he has already divided the family by doing so

There after let him, let h know that you are done talking

If he is wise he will count his teeth with his tongue

Telltruth123:
Thank you very much ma, the pap aspect, we find it difficult to get water to use at home, people complain of the cost of light and and recently there is no light, people rent generator to pump water.
Ma, do you have experience in the Pomo business, I am ready to learn.

Sorry for the light issues in your area it has caused issues that one can not do business that needs electricity

The Ponmo issue pls go to the women in the markets that sells the neat roasted ones, they also sell black ones

Discuss it with them and they may link you up with their contacts on Ogun state Ijebu Ode

Though they will ask you for a token to do that

I wish you good luck

Maclink288:
Hello everyone
I recently completed NYSC and I am looking to move out of my parents house. I am looking to rent an accommodation, are there anything I need to know or ask the landlord before proceeding to make payments?

I don't want to make mistake.

I will be reading the comments. Thank you

You are not even talking about things that matters the most

Are you financially prepared to leave on your own

Are you prepared to handle women who will see you as a man who lives anyone and needs a woman to be your companion

Are you capable of paying bills and other hidden expenses

Are you sure of the above questions to give me a positive Answers

SeeHim:
Source: https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.vanguardngr.com/2025/10/heartbreak-turns-tragic-22-year-old-hairdresser-commits-suicide-in-enugu/amp/

She just died for nothing, heartbreak is part of relationship experience

jaszplus12:
You're absolutely right.
Naturally I'm not the kind that flares up. That day I'd not been into anything that would have triggered my emotions so it was surprising.

Sincerely the less than 24 hours in the cell humbled me. The cell inmates and the life in there should be a good lesson to anyone not to do anything rash like I did...or even worse...anything could happen and one would find his whole life changed and chained to the monotonous life i saw that night....

I'll expect more people to give their encounters too...it's an eye opener...

Experience is good for one to rethink and adjust

JaySmart4422:
I was rejected n humiliated cos of money today I have the money but I don't see my family as family anymore

They are still your family, just that you will now be applying senses in every thing you do with them

Trust is like a sticker once it's removed from the wall, it doesn't fit well again

breadtoaster:
Please, those of you who are married — how do you cope?

I am married to someone I don’t think is my friend. We dated before marriage, but during that time, I had a very senior friend whom I always went to for advice, help with decisions, and assistance with things that required initiative or “manly” effort.

My husband, on the other hand, is very quiet. Living with him feels like living in a graveyard — no TV, no outings, nothing lively. It’s not that he isn’t intelligent (trust me, he is), but he’s too lazy to put his mind to work sometimes. By 9 p.m., he’s already asleep. He eats, goes to work, and that’s all. He has no drive for more. Whenever I talk about progress or goals, he says, “It’s a process; it’ll take years to come to fruition,” but he never thinks of ways to get things done efficiently or on time.

So in terms of ambition or drive for achievement, I’m suffering living with him. I feel alone. I’m scared that his lack of motivation and his slow, passive lifestyle will kill my own drive. I’m not even extremely driven myself, but I know I want to achieve greatness. That desire pushes me, but I’m afraid that living with him will make me too relaxed and unmotivated — and I don’t want that.

Before marriage, I had friends — both male and female — with whom I shared advice and ideas. I’ve always had male friends because they tend to be driven. From them, I learned about crypto, stocks, business ideas — they inspired me. But my husband doesn’t trust them or me around them. Since we got married, I can’t talk to most of these friends at home unless I’m at work. It’s affecting me mentally. I’m scared that my circle for growth and greatness is being trimmed down, and soon I might start behaving like him — with no ambition or hunger for achievement.

Women, how do you handle such relationship dynamics?
How do I keep my drive while being married to such a man?

Every Friday night, he’s already asleep. One time, I dragged him to a lounge on a Friday night, and he was dozing off there. I ended up dancing alone while other couples danced together. If there’s something important we’re supposed to do, he won’t take initiative or push for it.

For example, I suggested we start going to church regularly to build our spiritual life. One Sunday, he woke up first and went to bathe. When he finished, he didn’t wake me up, and by the time I opened my eyes, it was already late. When I asked why he didn’t tell me, he said he called me but I didn’t answer. For me, I wouldn’t act that way — especially when it’s something that helps build our faith together.

We also planned to pray as a family. We did it for two days, and then he forgot — and honestly, I’m struggling to remember too. I don’t know if our marriage is under spiritual attack or if it’s just his personality, but my mental health is suffering. I’m not happy. I don’t genuinely smile anymore.

He doesn’t know how to pamper me or show warmth. If I complain about something, he just lashes out. He didn’t date much before marriage; he was one of those “spiritual brothers.” I was spiritual too, but I thought quiet men were more romantic or deep inside. I was wrong. I feel like he’s choking the life out of me.

At home, I can’t even make calls freely — he gets unknowingly aggressive if I’m on the phone and says things like, “Don’t you have things to do?” So I can’t talk to the people I’d love to.

After our marriage, he had issues going to my family, claiming I blackmailed him because of earlier arguments. He would get upset about small things, like me dancing to Afrobeat music. He’d say I shouldn’t, then later deny he said it. Or if we go out to eat, he’ll say we should leave early or that the place will soon close, even when I just want to relax and enjoy being outside.

I feel alone, yet married. I miss home. I’m not sure what to do.

It even took us one month after the wedding to consummate our marriage. We were both virgins, but his manhood wasn’t functioning well, and we had so many arguments that our emotional connection broke down. I felt it literally fall apart. Now I feel like I’m just living with someone.

He often says, “We’re not aligned,” or that he trusts me only 60%. If I go out, he sometimes gets angry or accuses me of lying about where I went. I can’t stay indoors all day like him — I’d just die inside.

I need help. I feel like I’m losing myself. When I visit home, my mother’s voice feels loud or too much, my friends when i talk to them, it feels like they are talking too much — not because they are talking too much, but because I’ve been living in such silence that I’ve lost touch with voice, morelike in a graveyard.

I am even crying as I type this, and he is sitting somewhere on the other side asking me if my head is swelling or what is making me cry.

I’m just… tired. feeling so strongly emotionally starved tooo.

From all you have written and I read, I think you are the only one in that marriage

You need a break to think well if you can cope with this especially when you start having children

jaszplus12:
That's why I said i made a rash decision...

God will give you the grace to be calming down

Assuming you beat him and he died the next day, you will be held responsible for his death and will be jailed for life

By the time you get to prison your anger will go bye force

By then it's to late, think about it

Telltruth123:
Please Nairaland members, please which side hustle can I do that can sustain my family. I am a graduate that works from Monday to Saturday but the salary is not sustainable, reality Dawn on me when my daughter gained admission to university last month, I borrowed money to pay acceptance fee and the school fees is yet to be paid.
I have realized that my salary cannot sustain the family and I don't want to live a life of begging people for help, I want to work and be able to provide for my family. We cannot afford fish or meat , I collected salary last month end, and I used it to pay for debt for acceptance fees
We moved to our uncompleted building where we are managing one room, for the past two months now when there is no light, we beg people to fetch water because we don't have borehole, some people will not give us due to the present situation of the country, we go far away to fetch water and you can't go there until after 3 days, it's like to be a life human being is war.

My husband do commercial bus driver, after paying the owner of the bus daily, he gives us N1,000 or N1,200 which cannot sustain us, he said he also take N1,000 for food. Nairaland members have helped me but I want my own work to be able to sustain me, since yesterday, I have been worried because my daughter that gained admission will start asking for money.
Please anybody that can help me with side hustle I can do, am ready to learn, I don't want to beg, I want my work to be able to sustain the family, I manage the little resource I have but it cannot sustain us.
Thank you

Weldone for your efforts to start some as side hustle

You can be doing pap and distribute to neighbourhoods

You can fry grandnuts and bottle them neatly and sell in your area

You can also buy those black ponmo and soak them as they do and sell them, but you need someone to teach you the trade

May God help you with ideas

guest1234:
I Finally Chose to Walk Away from My Marriage

After deep reflection and repeated attempts to make things work, I have decided to step away from my marriage for the sake of my peace, safety, and well-being.

For a long time, I have endured constant physical and emotional abuse from my wife. During disagreements, she often resorts to violence, slapping, hitting, and using hurtful words. On several occasions, she has even threatened me with sharp objects such as knives and scissors. Unfortunately, today, she carried out that threat and stabbed me in the neck. By the grace of God, it wasn’t fatal, but it was the final straw that made me realize I cannot continue living in fear.

Throughout our marriage, I have done my best to provide for our home and ensure we lacked nothing. Despite my efforts, I have never received her support, emotionally, mentally, or otherwise. I have never raised my hand against her, yet that restraint has often been taken for weakness, giving her the boldness to abuse me repeatedly.

My family, having witnessed much of what I’ve gone through, has now asked her to leave and packed her belongings. She has quarreled with nearly every member of my family and remains in conflict with them.

This decision to end the marriage is not out of anger but self-preservation. I am choosing to prioritize my mental, emotional, and physical health. I have nothing to hide and no intention to tarnish her image; I am only speaking the truth about my experience.

From this point forward, I am focused on healing, rebuilding, and finding peace again.

Congratulations 🎊, you walked out alive

effixxyguy1:
Hello Nairalanders, I'm seeking advice on a sensitive issue.

After the first round of intimacy with my wife, I often lose interest in going for a second round.

I'm 31, and we've been trying for a child, but I'm worried this might be affecting our chances. Is this normal? Are there any underlying issues I should be concerned about? Should I consult a doctor or a relationship counselor? I'd appreciate any guidance or suggestions.

If you are sleeping with her and at the same time sleeping with your side chick, then your mind is divided

For the sake of procreation, sleep well with her especially during her ovulation period so monitor her cycle

If you have any other ways to enjoy sex, sort it out

Ozzyk:
We got married in ending of August
We didn't have anything to do together at all during our 2 year courtship
She's really adorable and a Godly babe to the core
On the second night of our wedding I confirmed she was a virgin
Sadly our honeymoon only lasted Barely 2 weeks before she missed her period
Here is the issue;
Since over a month and some few weeks now she won't let me touch her, in fact it's like my touches irritate her, no sex, no kiss, no smooching, no touching
It sometimes feels we're just house mates who shares same matrimonial bed together
I have tried to talk to her many times about my sexual wellness but she seems not interested at all
My marriage is less than 2 months and I am already over a month sex starved
Perhaps she sometimes complains of pregnancy cramps but this should not com at the detriment of my sexual well being.....
And besides she's goes to work everyday but the moments she gets home she won't let me touch not even slight touches not to talk of sex or romance....
I am already tired 😩

I think you need to consider her too as those decisions she has made is caused by the pregnancy hormones

Find a way to sort out yourself

Brahamimo:
Hello Nairalanders,

I'm really frustrated, tired and confused about the whole issue.

The prepaid metre in my apartment is misbehaving seriously. This is a new metre that was bought three years ago when the house was built by the landlord. We are just four occupants. One of the apartments has a room and parlor, while the other Three apartments are just a room self-con each.

We've being recharging the metre since all this while, but last week, I recharged and token was not sent to me. I still recharged again to confirm if it was network issues, but same thing happened. No Token was Received by me. The response I got was our metre is owing. How come?
How is our metre owing?

The kind of Prepaid Metre we have isn't the one you recharge on. There's a device like a calculator/POS terminal that uses battery. That's what we use whenever we want to recharge. The battery part of it isn't even working, we have to plug it to the socket before we can ON it and dial the token to recharge. The challenge is that, if we allow the whole units in the metre to completely run out or get exhausted and the light goes off, we will have to go to our neighbors' houses to plug it and recharge, and we must not go too far from our apartment, if not, it wouldn't work.

How do we resolve this issue because the units there would soon be exhausted completely

Take the device and your token payment prove to NEPA office close to your area

Flipmac:
My little brother traveled to study in Sweden for studies. He has been there for over a month and I've been asking him to look for a job to support himself.

However, he told me that students are required to stay a minimum of 3 months before they are eligible for a work permit.

Please I'll like to know if this statement is true?.

Also, how easy is it to get non-skilled jobs in Sweden?.

If you are the one he has been depending on and he said it takes three months to get a job there as a student, give him that grace and still let him know that you are counting the month for him

Since he is your brother, you know best if he is lazy or if he just doesn't want to do anything yet loves good life

From that you will know him better

KiNg0G:
I have never been in a relationship before, all my life was for pay as you go in since I was a teenager to this moment because I always wanted it easy and stress free..

First it seems like a flex, sampling different flavours from one brothel to another, hookups and all. Till it turned an habit that I can't stop.

Now I am more mature going in my 40s with nothing to show for it all these year's. I just can't stop myself, Is this how I am going to live my life till old age.

Every week I know how much comes out from my account for sex and I am so tired and wish I would stop. My high end tastes doesn't help matters at all..I can't even save anymore. 40k for short, 80k for daybreak. Not talking about transportation and other necessity, Is this how expensive sex is supposed to be for a man.

I know some people who are in relationships will say if I get a girlfriend it still expensive but I really doubt so.. when I go 3 to 4 times in a week not even calculating the amount spent in a month. This is a cry of a man in pains, I need help on how to overcome this challenge.

Just get a girl friend and gradually you will be alright

MistyDense:
The child's education and welfare is being taken care of by us and not her.

That's fine

MistyDense:
I know a lot of you will call me all sorts of unprintable names and would want to nameshame me.

My Elder brother died about nine months ago and his wife is about to Remarry.

They had been married for ten whole years, but unable to bear a child for 7years, until God blessed them with a beautiful and lovely baby Girl. We all celebrated and were joyous. A few weeks after childbirth, my brother became sick. What initially looked like an ulcer became something else, and he had to go under the knife. After the surgery, there were some Terrible complications, which resulted in his eventual demise. Most painful part was, he had just landed his dream job after five years of graduation. He was extremely depressed as a result of this joblessness until luck smiled at him. He was traveling round the world like he was going to his backyard. He was breezing in and out of Nigeria for official duties until the sickness struck.
Now it's been nine months, and she already made her intentions known to my family that she wants to Remarry. Meanwhile, the baby is just two and half years old.

As a woman, I understand how lonely and traumatized she is. I perfectly understand what she's going through but myself and my family feel it's too too early for this. We, her late husband's family didn't and have never interfered in her dealings. All my brother's properties are in her custody, the Businesses they co-owned are all in her care.

I thought she would have waited a bit much longer to do this, considering how much she seemingly loved her late husband. Meanwhile she's 38yrs old. Her parents have told her to wait for some time, but she wouldn't listen. But before making her intentions known to my family, we already suspected that she was seeing someone else, going by the way she was acting.

I'm now the next in command in my family after my elder Brother's death, but I'm also a woman and have limited powers. Even if I had all the powers, I still wouldn't be Able to stop her from doing what she wants. After All, she's older than me.

I'm really pissed now as she will be taking my niece to live with another man. She's marrying a man who already has two wives, making her the third.

What should I do?

Instead of stopping her over what she has made up her mind with

You guys should leave her do what she wants

If it comes out good or bad, that's her luck

You can't actually stop a moving train

The best your family can do is to ask her to keep the child with you people so that she can be free and that she is free to visit the child and she will be responsible for the child education and welfare