Having at least one "lazy day" per week can reduce stress, high blood pressure and the chances of having a stroke.

Anyone else a weird introvert who is completely extroverted and joke-y when you get to know and like people? I spend my days either being completely quiet, watching people or joking and poking fun at people. Either cold and weird or loud and weird. No in-between.

Close your legs, Ngozi. No one wants to eat at the Krusty Krab.

Fake news
It’s never too late....

To tell you....

you’re going to Hell.

I've never liked a substance enough to use it to cope, and I've never had an addiction so I guess it's just you, me and this entire store bought tiramisu.

Don't worry, just provide the sauce..... We will eat by the lagoon. Plenty water.

I’ll be spending the day in the great indoors.

APC is Vigorously Campaigning in all state
While The Opposition Party is On Twitter and Facebook Relying on the Corrupt former Chief Justice Of Nigeria (CJN ) Walter Onnoghen to rig elections at the Supreme Court for them, now PDP is in panic mode. ���

If you’re not annoying at least one person a day, then you’re doing Nairaland all wrong.

don't let people who only see in black and white tell you what color your rainbow should be.

Take comfort in knowing the thing you hate most about yourself is someone's fetish.

A scorpion can hold its breath for up to 6 days.

Riding life like a stripper pole until I make it rain.

#Respect

Always make friends with people that have issues. Those folks keep the most booze.

Parents, 11 months of the year:

"Don't talk to strangers. Don't take things from strangers. If a man makes you sit on his lap, tell an adult."

Parents in January

"I don't care if you don't want to! Sit on that strange man's lap and tell him what you want him to give you."

Plugging your phone into your work computer: “Would you like this device to access your photos?”

No! Abort! Abort!!

Nairaland reminds me of that theory that given an infinite length of time, a monkey punching random keys on a typewriter would eventually just start throwing shit at the walls.

Embarrassed that our five year old walked into the bedroom at 2am and saw us pulling the blanket to hide our phones and cheese sticks

Remember how in old Nintendo games there would be a score that didn't matter but you wanted to get it higher? Nairaland is the same way.

*After they got tired of building Pyramids*

Egyptian: I've got a revolutionary idea to transform the burial industry.
It's ground-breaking.

I once paid a man to read my entire Nairaland archive. Within minutes he started convulsing, chewing his tongue off and clawing at his eyes. I reckon it says more about him than me.

Chairs are pretty great.

You can fight a lion, or sit if you want.

Elevator rides become way more exciting if you announce to everyone that only one person is getting out alive.

Sometimes I’ll text or reply with HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAA and then rethink what I wrote so I take away a few HAHA’s cause it was way too HAHAish you know?

You just don't see take it outside fist fights like you used to.

Morning guys, so much drama in my country of drama queens & kings. I will keep sounding like a broken record to make this point. The CJN has not been removed. What has been done is to compel him to RECUSE himself since he refused to do so honourably. The CCT just said, step aside

The average dog is as intelligent as a two-year-old child.