₦airaland Forum

Any hope for us that didn't choose them

hammedghafar:
Wats yr course ?

management tech

Ladokites:
so dey au startd givin transport admisn.. Am expectin mine too.. Tho i ddnt chose dem sha..

same here bro hope they will admit us?

Please are they going to admit people that didn't pick them

Guys soo far I don't think they admitted people that didn't pick them

Haa

fattahnoni:
Done ke wen dem no smoke shingbaka

lol boyz dy para

MOTHER: Akpors I'm sorry I slept with someone that is not your father 23 years ago. And that person is your real father. AKPORS: Mum, what rubbish! How could you! How am I to deal with this?! You should be hanged!" MOTHER: I am sorry baby, he was my first love and I could not marry him cause we are of different religion. He is on the phone at the moment and wants to speak with his you for the first time ever. AKPORS: No I am speaking to no one, Mr bello is the only father I know and that will never change! MOTHER: Please don't be so upset. Just talk to him. AKPORS: Ok, I will give him a piece of my mind! Akpors already very angry, was ready to pour scorn on his apparent real father when: PHONE: Morning Son, I am Aliko Dangote. I am your real father. AKPORS: [Totally in shock] I always knew there was something special about me. I never did like Mr. Bello as my father.

Akpos went to rob a city bank. "Everybody down!" Akpos shouted. Everyone laid flat on the ground. "Where is the bank manager?" He asked. A young fearful man stood up and said, "Here I am." Akpos: Open the safe and bring out all d money. MANAGER: (stammering) No,I can't sir. Akpos; What?! Are you crazy?! You are lucky I'm with a toy gun, I would have blown your brains off!... Akpos is currently receiving treatment at the prison hospital.

An 8 year old son asks her dad, "What's the difference between 'Potential' and 'reality?'" Dad turns to wife, "Would you sleep with Barrack Obama for $1 million?'' Wife answers, "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity." Dad turns to daughter, "Would you sleep with Brad Pitt for $1 million?" Daughter answers, "Yes! He is my fantasy." Dad turns to elder son, "Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for $1million?" Eldest son answers, "Why not? Imagine what I would do with that money." Dad then turns to his youngest son, "You see son, 'Potentially' we are living with three millionaires BUT in 'reality' we are living with two prostitutes and one gay boy.

Bill Gates organized an enormous session to recruit a new CEO for Microsoft Europe. Five thousand candidates assembled in a large room. One of the candidate is Akpos. Bill Gates thanked all the candidates for coming and asked those who do not know Java program to leave. Two thousand candidates leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I do not know Java but I have nothing to lose if I stay. I'll give it a try." Bill Gates asked the candidates who never had experience of managing more than 100 people to leave. Two thousand leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I've never managed anybody by myself but I have nothing to lose if I stay. What will be the worse thing that can happen?" So he stays. Then Bill Gates asked candidates who do not have management diplomas to leave. Five hundred people leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I left school at 15 but what have I got to lose?" So he stays in the room. Lastly, Bill gates asked the candidates who do not speak German to leave. Four hundred and ninety-eight candidates leave the room. Akpos says to himself, "I do not speak one word of German but what do I have to lose? So he stays and finds himself with one other candidate. Everyone else has gone. Bill Gates joined them and said, "Apparently, you are the only two candidates who speak German, so I'd now like to hear you have a conversation together in that language." Calmly, Akpos turns to the other candidate and says, "Omo, na wa o!" The other candidate answers, "Omo, Wetin we go do o

A man was driving his taxi from Port- Harcourt to Lagos. He had a sticker in the car that says, ''He will give his angels charge over me.'' By the time he got to Warri, he was doing 135km/h. The passengers cautioned him, but he simply responded by saying, ''Don't you see the sign? The angels are on guard.'' He approached Benin on a speed of 185km/h. By this time the passengers got very nervous and decided to get down. Everybody except the driver disembarked and he decided to continue the journey to Lagos alone. ''Mumu faithless people, they don't believe that angels are on guard, despite my sticker.'' he said, as he drove on. Nearing Ore, he was comfortably cruising at 215km/h, when he heard people in his car shouting, ''Abeg Oga! Drop us o! We are not going again!'' Puzzled, he looked around, ''Sebi I dropped all my passengers in Benin. So who are the people talking?'' ''Oga! Drop us o! We are the angels who are on guard. This is now a suicide mission! We are not guarding again ooo!!!' The driver stopped the car midway, and took to his heels.

This couple was in bed getting busy when the girl places the guys hand onto her Kitty-Cat. "Put your finger in me, " she asks him. So he does without hesitation, as she starts moaning. "Put two fingers in," she says. So in goes another one. She's really starting to get worked up when she says, "Put your whole hand in!" The guy's like, "Ok!" So he has his entire hand in, when she says moaning aloud "Put both your hands inside of me!!!" So the guy puts both of his hands in! "Now clap your hands," commands the girl. "I can't!" says the guy. The girl looks at him and says, "See, I told you I had a tight Kitty-Cat!"

uestions Google Cannot Answer Below are the Questions Google cannot answer... Who is the first wheelbarrow pusher? Who was the first indigenous woman to fry Akara and Yam? What is the full name of the first Nigeria tout? How much did Anini steal during his lifetime? What is the full meaning of SUYA? Who was the first customer to buy SUYA? Who invented SUYA? As at last year, how many mosquitoes were in ASO ROCK? Who was the first Nigerian to drink Garri with sugar? Who was the first Nigerian to trek to school? The first person who swallowed eba? You can add other questions Google cannot answer in the comment box below...

A Chinese Man requested a divorce and appeared in a courtroom. JUDGE: Mr. Hu, please give a valid reason for your divorce with Mrs. Hu. MR. HU: My lord. Me no come, she no come, Baby come. How come?

A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, "This is disappointing! It only lasted for 30 seconds!" "Good!" replied his wife, "Now you know how I always feel on bed."

Two friends smoked weed... One went behind a tree, removed all his clothes and came back to his friend naked! He stood in front of his friend and asked, "How do I look in my new suit?" The friend looked at him, smiled, took another puff and said, "You look so amazing in the suit but you put your tie below the waist instead of putting it on the neck!

EMEKA: You are a fool Akpos! You don't know anything! AKPOS: Hahan Emeka! It's a lie! EMEKA: It's true! I will prove it. If you see two rays of light on the road at night, what will you call it? AKPOS: A car! EMEKA: Ehen, but which kind of car? A Benz, A Peugeot or A Lexus? AKPOS: I don't know that one oh! EMEKA: You see! Anyway, second proof. If you see a ray of light on the road at night, what will you call it? AKPOS: An okada (motorbike)! EMEKA: Ehen! Which one? A Suzuki, A Yamaha or A Kawasaki? AKPOS: Hahan! How I'm I suppose to know? EMEKA: You see! I've shown you that you are a fool. AKPOS: Na wa o! This your question self. Let me ask you my own question. If you see a woman on the roadside with miniskirt, big breast, red lips and a big ass, what will you call her? EMEKA: A prostitute! AKPOS: Ehen, but which one? Your mother, your sister or your daughter?

Yeee Na correct long leg the girl use o

Jeffex:
I thought I told you already during our prev conversation on here and I could remember you told me you didn't choose lasu in jamb but I did so just keep hoping for the best as other list is yet to be out

oh sorry baba...I think say Na another person ..thanks

Jeffex:
Mine is computer science and I already gotten admission well I see your course is very competitive and were you given admission yet?

bro please what did you get?

You can start checking your admission status now on LASU site...go to putme.lasu.edu.ng then click on check post utme result... Then put your reg no...you will see your admission status

kayouzginger:
That the same guy that scored 42

how come the passport is different from the first one

abeg who get extra donlop here

Jeffex:
Well bro I scored 49 in post-jamb and I'm a Lagos indigene so what about you?

nice bro.....I got 53 but I didnt pick them... and am not and indigene

Jeffex:
Finally God has granted me admission to lasu to study computer sci oh wooaaoo I feel so excited and is there anyone here that choose computer sci??

nice what did you get bro..am also going for CSC

guys abeg wetin be the highest score you have seen for computer science

In a Sunday school class one Sunday morning, after a very interesting topic, the teacher asked if there was Any question? Akpos raised up his hand looking very confused.
AUNTY: What is your question Akpos?
AKPOS: Aunty, you said the children of Israel escaped from Egypt?
AUNTY: Yes.
AKPOS: The children of Israel also crossed the red sea?
AUNTY: Good.
AKPOS: The children of Israel also sinned against God?
AUNTY: Yea!
AKPOS: The children of Israel pulled down the mighty wall of Jericho?
AUNTY: What exactly is your question Akpos?
AKPOS : Aunty, when the children of Israel were doing all these, where were the Adults of Israel?

nfessions
A woman prepared some vegetable soup for herself and her husband. When they were about to eat, the following conversation began.
HUSBAND: Where did you get the vegetables from?
WIFE: I got it from Mr. Sand's garden.
HUSBAND: What?! From that wizard?! How I'm I to know that the wizard didn't poison the vegetables?
WIFE: I have an idea.
She gave some to her dog. After some time, the dog went to play.
WIFE: See? The food isn't poisoned.
HUSBAND: OK. Let's eat then.
After eating, their maid came crying.
WIFE: What happened?
MAID: Bingo is dead!
HUSBAND: What? The food is poisoned!
HUSBAND: (Feeling sober and guilt filled upon realising he's going to die in a couple of minutes) I need to make a confession!
WIFE: What?
HUSBAND: When you aren't at home, I and your maid use to have s e x in my room.
WIFE: (Feeling angry but immediately realising this is futile) I forgive you.
WIFE: I too have a confession to make. Promise to forgive as I have.
HUSBAND: OK
WIFE: The children aren't yours. They are the Gateman's.
Immediately after, the Gateman came in.
GATEMAN: Oga. The man who hit the dog with his car is outside. He says he wants to apologise for killing the dog.

GIRL: Honey, where are you?
BOY: I'm at the bank.
GIRL: OK. I need N25,000 to make my hair, N50,000 to go shopping and N100,000 for my pocket money.
BOY: Baby, I mean I'm at the bank of a river. Do you want fish?

Someone calls you at 2am and asks, "Are you sleeping?"
Response: "No! I'm picking beans."
When its raining and someone notices you going out yet they ask, "Are you going out in this rain?"
Response: "No! In the next one."
You are making out with your girlfriend then you start pulling her panties then she asks, "What are you trying to do?"
Response: "I want to wash it for you."
They see you coming out of the bathroom wet, yet they ask, "Did you just have a bath?"
Response: "No, I fell into the toilet bowl."
You're standing in front of the elevator on the ground floor going to your office, yet they ask, "Are you going up?"
Response: "No, I'm waiting for my Office to come down and get me."
Your boyfriend comes home with a bunch of flowers, and you still ask, "Are those flowers?"
Response: "No baby, they're condoms!"
You are in a queue at the cinema to buy ticket, a friend see's you and asks, "What are you doing here?"
Response: "I'm here to pay my school fees."
You are relieving yourself in the toilet and someone knocks the door and tries to open it. It’s obviously locked. And then the person asks, “Is anybody in there?”
Response: “No. The shit locked the door and is talking to you.”
You stumble and fall into a gutter and your leg is bent at an awkward angle. People gather and ask, “Are you okay?”
Response: "No. I'm just hanging out my leg, waiting for it to dry.”