₦airaland Forum

Welcome, Guest: RegisterLoginWith GoogleTrendingRecentNew

Stats: 3,326,119 members, 8,425,055 topics. Date: Friday, 12 June 2026 at 04:19 AM

Toggle theme

Garlicrey's Posts

Nairaland ForumGarlicrey's ProfileGarlicrey's Posts

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 (of 20 pages)

LiteratureRe: Life Of A Copper by garlicrey(op): 1:10pm On Aug 15, 2015
comments
LiteratureRe: Life Of A Copper by garlicrey(op): 1:09pm On Aug 15, 2015
NYSC PART 4 At ONCE
“I obey like small pikin, closed my eyes dey wait (hope say this girl no wan use knife cut off my tin oh, cuz naija girls can be funny at times). omoh, next thing I felt was a soft kiss on forehead down to my lips, neck, chest , stomach (I dey pray make she no stop) then she pulled out my di-ck and stroked it then started sucking it ike a vacuum cleaner… slowly.
very good bad girl. haha. she would suck it dry, spit on it and suck it dry, then occasionally licked the tip of my di-ck with her wet tongue (omoh, I dey jerk every time she do am… i bin try to control myself but no way).
then I excused myself and entered the bathroom (I no wan release yet abeg)… I drank the remaining mixture of alomo & stout I hid there. after that, I took one mint to freshen my breath. I went back in and met Ella stack Unclad on bed, sexy as ever. I started caressing her thighs, telling her how sexy she was and how lucky I was to have her. she loved the things I was saying, I could see it in her stare.
Then I started kissing her inner thighs up to her pus‟sy region but I didn‟t kiss her there yet. I focused on her thighs for a while then slowly went up and flicked her cli-t with the tip of my lips… I started licking her cli-t slowly, sucking it, spelling letters with my tongue on it. occasionally I would deep my tongue into it and slowly flick it out (rubbing my tongue on the cli-t as it comes out).
all the while I could tell that she in heaven cuz she moaning like „awwww‟ „uhmmmm‟ n sometimes sobbing (like person wey won cry) positioning my head in a “don‟t stop” manner. I then placed one of my hands on her bo‟obs, smooching it and gently squeezing her nipp‟le. I focused my tongue on the her cli‟t… sucking and flickering it while I dipped my other hand‟s middle finger in her pu-ssy.
I started fingerings her, I was making the „come here‟ sign with my finger (palm facing up) this was magic, I could feel me rubbing the center of gravity. occasionally, I kept making circular movements with my finger. I did all these task at the same damn time!. omoh, e come be like fight oh… Ella kept moaning, jerking, moving up and down the bed, as she dey move I dey follow am go any angle. lol.
around 5minutes I stopped cuz I knew she was gonna cum any moment, that would weaken her and make the straffing dull. I pulled out a condo‟m and wore it on my erect dick. she lay flat on her stomach, I placed a pillow under her lower stomach (so that the coochie go position well from behind). I flicked my di-ck around her Kitty-Cat for a while then said “please start na” then I slowly slided my di:Ck into her wet puss‟y.
it was tight and warm. slowly, I was banging her, then I started increasing my pace. Ella was moaning and saying “I must marry you” see this girl sha, you Don dey mad abi? lol. I continued for about 7minutes then I grabbed her waist up (canine style). I banged for like 10minutes then switched to scissors style.
I kept banging and switching positions till I ejaculated at the 31st minute (yes, I dey calculate my rounds) doing missionary style (with a pillow under her waist). she still held my waist and said “continue please” I said “I‟m tired” she said “use your finger like u do please”.
I started to finger her dripping wet puss-y and sucking her Tip till she released some shiny fluid. then she lay motionless and tired. I looked her in the eyes, smiled at me and she said “thank you”. of course! thank me!!.
we slept Unclad, woke up later, relaxed and chatted till around 6:30 pm. then I told her to start going so her parents wouldn‟t look for her. it was getting dark already. she looked at me and “does it look like I‟m going home today?”
omoh, na so we do vigil till Sunday morning oh. later, this sexcapade nearly ruined me.
*fast forward to a few weeks later*
one early Wednesday morning, I was sitting in office trying to compose a lesson note on a topic I was supposed to teach that morning. the students were on assembly ground while the vice principal (VP) was going round on staff rooms & class inspection. her name was Mrs ann (not real name). she was a fair, big a$$ woman probably somewhere around 45-50 years old (age is nothing but a number right?). she walked into my office and I greeted her: “good morning ma”
“good morning Corper, you came early today” “ma, I needed to do an important task” “ok. you are Ibo abi” “yes ma”
bla bla bla *chat continued*
“Corper, I like your shirt. will you buy one for me?” (nothing special about the shirt jor) “yes. I will”
she kon laugh me say I dey lie. Corper wey dey manage. why this woman they fall my hands na?.
then she said:
“this thing they call Facebook, can I use it on my phone. (yes, her phone was a nice android.) “yes ma”
“ok, come to my office whenever u are free so that you will teach me” “alright madam”
11:30am, the bell rang. break time. I stood up and headed for the VP‟s office ……
LiteratureRe: Life Of A Copper by garlicrey(op): 1:08pm On Aug 15, 2015
“Ella walked in, I shut the door and she sat on my bed watching a naija movie I arranged fWttectted for a minutes then i lay behind her and joined her in watching the movie. She seemed interested in the movie sha (no mind naija girls Jare, if u follow their words. and action, u no go succeed to Straff dem oh).
My mind no even dey d film sef I just plan how to executive my mission.
Then I began my usual technique by holding palms with her and gently caressing her palm. Most times, a girl who‟s ready would get the message and unconsciously caress your palm too or adjust to a position where you can have access to her intimate zones.
Omoh, Ella no respond in any way… chai, I Don enter one chance.
But I remember all d praise wey girls dey give me (lord of sex) so I comport myself and re- strategize. Then I started playing with her necklace, telling her how perfect I thought she was and how I love to hug people I love. All na packaging jor, i just dey wan use style smooch her. She just turned, looked at me and smiled. That smile be like “I don‟t believe you, you wanna touch my body” then I gave her a hug from behind, placing my arms slightly around her upper stomach, right under her bo‟obs. I could feel the sensation of her bo‟obs on my arms. Omoh, thank God say God create women oh, if not the world for be “big nonsense”.
Then I started smooching her stomach gently, moving slowly to the side of her brea‟sts, using my palms and fingers to caress her. Omoh, Ella just pretend like say she no send me, still dey watch the movie. She was putting on a skimpy top and a light bra inside. I made a slow “O” movement with my middle fingers around her Tips, then squeezed her Tips as gently as possible. Then she jerked as I squeeze them. Viola!! She Don respond! Then I moved to a kneeling position behind her, I started kissing the sides of her neck while doing my magic with my fingers.
I could feel her heart-beat increase and her breathing became more intense. This went on for about 4 minutes. Now or never!. I stopped kissing neck region, moved close to her ears and whispered “l wanna take your top off”. She no talk anything. Brothers, girls no like guys wey dey always seek permission oh, just study her action/reactions and do what u feel is right. So I started to pull her shirt off slowly, I took it off!. I still left her bra on, damn! Her bra couldn‟t contain her bo‟obs. I started kissing her neck again, down to her spine and back. Then I unbuttoned her bra and removed them slowly. Jizos see bo‟obs! I still couldn‟t believe I had Ella‟s bo‟obs in my room. So dreams come true?. She come lie down for bed, facing up looking at me.
Then she said “this is why you invited me abi?” I said “no, I really like you and I love spending time with you”. I whine am small. She believe me, I bent over and started kissing her (omoh, her lips soft like agege bread), she held the back of my head and was kissing me too. All the while, I was caressing her bo‟obs and Tips with one hand. I stopped kissing her lips. I very slowly, started kissing her down: neck, chest, stomach, ribs, belly-button. Omoh, every kiss I placed on her gave her some chills. I Neva kiss her bo‟obs yet (keeping the best for the last).
Then I come grab her huge bo‟obs, omoh my hand no fit carry am well sef. I kissed her bo‟obs, started making circular movements with my tongue around her Tips. She was jerking. Then I placed my full lips around her bo‟obs and sucked gently, She made an “uohhh” sound. Viola!! First moan!. my other hand was smooching her other brea‟st and gently squeezing her Tips She come dey rub my head as I dey suck her.
After like 1 minute, I stopped n looked at her. Omoh, she grab my head back to her nipp‟les and said “you better don‟t stop oh”. so this girl like this thing she come they form king-kong since. Omoh, I come continue oh switching brea‟sts and doing magic with my fingers. Occasionally, I would stop and kiss her all over her body again. Ella was moaning when I was sucking, sotay I come start to play blues to cover the noise. Then she took my middle finger in lips and starting sucking it. Wetin this girl they do sef?. Then I made the next big move… (she was putting on Jean trousers- why this girl wear this kind protection come na?) I smooched her crouch region with my fingers reached for her zippers. Then she grabbed my hand.
As she grabbed my hand, I stopped sucking and looked at her with an innocent face (like 2months old pikin wey him mama loss) as if to say “wetin happen na?”. As if she read my mind, she said “what do you think you are doing?” damn! my standing di-ck just deflated and I just slumped beside her on the bed, no response. then she started raining me with questions like: “so this is how use girls and dump them abi?” “how many of my classmates have u slept with?” “is this love or lust”
na today? trust me na, I gave her d best possible responses n told her that se-x would bind us together. omoh, I whine am tire, she just dey smile dey look me. baddest Guy ever liveth, I come reach for her zippers again feeling say I Don win her heart. omoh, as I touch her crouch area to open zip, she grabbed my hand saying “your plan shall not work oh, you want to use me and dump me abi?”
omoh, I started another round of brain-washing but Ella still no gree me unzip her local government oh. chai! I Don Bleep up… like say I know I for invite nneka (another big bo‟obs girl wey call me that morning say she wan see me).
how 1 girl go dey use me play like dis na? when more than 100 students dey willing to Bleep me. I come free her, lie down face ceiling dey think about my life. she ask me why I quiet, i say “nothing” she ask whether I dey vex I say “no , why should I be angry na. sex or no sex, you‟re still special to me”. (big lie, I dey vex die .lol.) na wisdom I use cuz it‟s good to tell girls what they wanna hear.
she smiled, continued watching TV. there was silence. then she said she wants to rest on my chest. God I thank u oh! omoh she rested her face n bo‟obs on my chest… I bet she could feel my heart beating like bass drums. her bo‟obs on my bare chest… pure extacy!. I dey look TV but my brain couldn‟t comprehend anything. lol. she asked why my heart was beating, I said I had high BP, she laughed. there was silence again then my di-ck started kicking . she placed her hands on my dic-k and said “so u Don plan to kill me today abi?” I said “no, my di-ck always kicks when am with someone I love”.
she laughed again saying I was funny. really?.
then she stood up, bo‟obs big n erect and asked me to close my eyes…
LiteratureRe: Life Of A Copper by garlicrey(op): 11:25am On Aug 15, 2015
NYSC PART 2
Omoh, as I enter d class, d girls come dey shout like say dem see jay-z. I come shout 4 dem say make them shut up! Dem dey mad?. Everybody come quiet and all eyes come dey on me, I come forget wetin I plan to talk sef.
Anyhow sha, I introduced myself and my subject. These girls were glad to have me… and I was glad to be here with them as the only male copper in the school. I be like tuface to them. As I dey teach, I discover say most of them na confirm olodo. Them no sabi anything but i later discover say them intelligent 4 bed and them bad to the bone. Some minutes into the lesson, I asked the class a question but no one answered. Then, a girl stood up and gave me the answer. Her name was Ella. Ella had an average face and Bottom but she had big bosoms. I come notice say these girls dey lift their skirts for me to see their pants. Chai! See fresh temptation. Omoh, my prick come dey rise small small so I come go Siddon 4 one sit to cover-up. All the while, I noticed that some of these girls had their eyes on me. I be fine boy small na. Particularly, a pair of eyes caught my attention. Guess who? Omoh, Ella dey look me!! As She dey look me 4 eye, I dey look her huge bosom-s…. Fantasizing about sucking them. After the class, I asked them if they had any questions. They said yes and started asking questions like “do you have a girlfriend?” “Can you speak Ibo?”. Haha! Una Don enter one chance this year. I just waved them off, smiled and went back to my office…. still fantasizing about Ella. I walked into my office, greeted Mrs venny and sat down and rested my head on my table to relax (oh, how I love to see this lady). Some minutes later, I heard a female voice say “sir, please can I borrow your text book? ”
I looked up and saw two pair of huge bosom-s pointing at me. You guessed right ….. it was Ella….
I handed over the text book to Ella. She took it to class and promised to return it. I no know whether she really need that book, abi she just won use style give me green light?. I just respected myself and kept acting normal around her. days past, I no see more green lights again oh! Abi Ella no like me again? God abeg oh. Two weeks later was Valentine‟s day and behold I had so many gifts that I couldn‟t remember some girls who gave me gifts. One girl walked into my office with a love shaped gift with an inscription that said I LOVE YOU and said “sir, this is a val gift from Ella”. I sent for her, we chatted then I asked for her number. After school, she came to say bye and I promised to call her at night. At night, I dialled her number: “Hi, it‟s David” “Hi”
“How are you doing?” “I‟m fine, and you” “Fine. I like you”
*silence*
“Can I see you tomorrow?”
“I don‟t know oh. I don‟t visit strangers”
Omoh, d girl say I resemble player, I come convince Ella say I like her die, say I no be bad Guy. But I didn‟t beg her…. I can‟t beg a girl for anything. Attraction is the key … if a girl is attracted to you, you no need all those “ten ways to get a girl” lecture. rubbish!. I come tell her say if she no fit come tomorrow, I no go ever invite her again. I cut call. 30 seconds Later, she call me back and asked me when I want her to come … I just tell am 11a.m. girls love guys that make the rules. Trust me, I know.
hurray!!!! Ella and her huge bosoms are coming to my house.
Next day was Saturday, the d-day. I arranged my room, sprayed my body spray in the room (I no get air freshner… who needs air Freshner when jona is president? Lol.) I took my bath, put on clean boxers and a black polo then borrowed some naija films (naija chicks like naija film die). Of course, I had condoms under my mattress. 10:30am, Ella called and asked for the direction to my crib. I gave all the details of the house and even told her how old the house was. Lol. She con laff like fried fish head (ishi-azu). I con begin dey play cool R&B songs…. meanwhile I Don already drink alomo mixed with big stout. Today na die!. I just lay 4 bed dey expect Ella. Next thing I heard a knock on the door. Thank God! I do sign of the cross. As I open door I saw one small boy wey be my neighbor pikin. “U dey mad?!” I ask am with vex. “Comon go play 4 gutter” I hiss, bang my door still they wait 4 Ella. 5 minutes later, I hear another knock again. God abeg I no won die of high BP oh, this person got to be Ella abeg. I opened the door and saw Ella, sexy as hell. Jizos christ of onitsha!! see bo‟obs! If to say trumpet blow that moment, I for no gree go heaven immediately oh, I go wait till I straff finish. lol. This girl na heaven on her own, my prick Don dey salute since. She gave me a smile and I said “come in please”….
LiteratureLife Of A Copper by garlicrey(op): 11:23am On Aug 15, 2015
NYSC – NATIONAL YEAR OF SEX AND COMFORT (part 1)

This is a true life story by a NYSC member.
Read below:
“I was posted to an eastern state. Those three weeks I spent at NYSC camp were the worst three weeks
of my life. After camping, I got my PPA posting and guess what, I was sent to a government girls secondary school to do my service!!!
I was beyond excited despite the location of the school. Omoh, d school dey 4 village but I no care, I was just happy
to be a king among women (girls sha).
Next, I and three other. coppers went to the school
to sign our acceptance letter. Omoh, the principal come say she no want any coppers oh, say coppers dey corrupt her girls too much. Small tin I for cry oh, why this woman won come turn my wine to water na? Which kain devil be dis na?. We beg tire but d woman say we dey waste time say her
decision na final. I then told the woman that I got a vision that God wants me to serve in that school.
She look me laff come say among all of us, na me she fear pass cuz her girls go pursue me. Wow!!!… I Don hang. But, “u look very gentle n responsible” was her next comment. I then gave her an innocent smile to cement her first mistake (she wouldn‟t believe I could f**k the assistant principal). After a little brain-washing by me (trust me na), she accepted us and asked us to resume duty next week Monday……
I arrived the school on Monday morning feeling fly
and ready for whatever. I was offered a table in the science lab which would serve as my office but I refused it cuz it was located at the junior section of the school. Nawa oh, wetin I dey do for Junior
section when bad girls full senior section. Abeg I wan deal with mature girls jor.
Lucky me, I got transferred to the senior section to teach ss1 and offered a table at an office close to ss3 class. Baba
God, u too much!!. I walked into the office meant for three staff and met a female teacher who was busy and didn‟t notice when I walked in.Good morning madam” I said.
Then she looked up at me and replied “Copper, Good morning. You‟re welcome”
Literally, my heart melted. I lost all my senses…. cuz sitting before me was the most beautiful woman I‟ve ever seen. This woman eyes na die! Ebony skin, no make-up… even girls used to stare at her. Her
name was Mrs venny. Also, I got to discover that she also had the most beautiful heart in the world.
She was married and approximately ten years older
than me but I still wished her husband would divorce her or drop dead … so that I could marry her. We chatted about a few things and became friends.
Twenty minutes later, the bell went off and it was time for my first class. Omoh, my heart dey beat like Don jazzy song, I need to compose myself well… no jonzing!. I grabbed my materials and headed to teach a class full of girls ……”
WATCH OUT PART 2 TOMORROW
EducationRe: 2015/2016 Lasu 2nd Admission List Is Out! by garlicrey(m): 9:32am On Aug 07, 2015
Please am sitting for CSC... Any idea on how many math and physics I would do
EducationLasu 2015/2016 Post Jamb Experience by garlicrey(op): 9:16am On Aug 05, 2015
for those who have done there exam please share your questions with us
PhonesAbeg I Need Tecno Phantom by garlicrey(op): 7:51pm On Jul 19, 2015
anyone with a good tecno phantom ....or wanna swap with my nokia lumia should holla me .....09030570125
LiteratureRe: The Prince Of Darkness by garlicrey(op): 11:53am On Jul 19, 2015
sorry but am going to stop the story...due to posting wahala
Car TalkRe: Top 20 Used Cars To Avoid by garlicrey(m): 6:10pm On Jul 18, 2015
caprini1:
No wahala....I collected a BMW3 series when I finished school in d late 90s....I went to hell and back because of that car...I pray no car stops u at 3rd mainland bridge or Badagry expressway late in the night sha...say amen!
amen adura
LiteratureRe: The Prince Of Darkness by garlicrey(op): 9:28am On Jul 18, 2015
Divepen1:
I don't if I'm right but the way your post has been removed shows that anti spambot is at work.
Mail the mods, they will know what to do.
i think you are right..i find it hard to post
Car TalkRe: Top 20 Used Cars To Avoid by garlicrey(m): 9:24am On Jul 18, 2015
me way no even get one car...if i see tralier self i go collet cry
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:37pm On Jul 17, 2015
A little boy came home from school and his homework assignment was to find out what the difference was between hypothetically and realistically,so he asked his dad. His dad said, "Well, go ask your mom if she would sleep with the mail man for $1,000,000." He went and asked and came back and said, "She said yes". "Well", said the dad, "Go ask your sister the same question." He did and came back and said, "She said yes." And the dad said, "Now go ask your brother the same thing." He did and came back and said, "He said yes too!" And the dad said, "Well hypothetically we're sitting on three million dollars, realistically we're living with 2 whores and a gay!"
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:35pm On Jul 17, 2015
Girl: Baby im wet. Boy: Want a paper towel? Girl: No, i want more then that wink Boy: Want 2 paper towels? Girl: No, baby i want sumthing big and round wink Boy: Damn you want the whole roll?
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:34pm On Jul 17, 2015
After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer. Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him. Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one. Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the only one made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it. The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither will
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:33pm On Jul 17, 2015
*My dad helping me find a gf* Dad: What do you want most in a woman? Me: My dick. *Grounded and high fived*
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:32pm On Jul 17, 2015
Stumpy and his wife Martha went to the state fair every year. Every year Stumpy would say, "Martha, I'd like to ride in that there airplane." And every year Martha would say, "I know Stumpy, but that airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." One year Stumpy and Martha went to the fair and Stumpy said, "Martha, I'm 71 years old. If I don't ride that airplane this year I may never get another chance." Martha replied, "Stumpy, that there airplane ride costs ten dollars, and ten dollars is ten dollars." The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal, I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you, but if you say one word it's ten dollars." Stumpy and Martha agreed and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was heard. He did all his tricks over again, but still not a word. They landed and the pilot turned to Stumpy, "By golly, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't." Stumpy replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Martha fell out, but ten dollars is ten dollars."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:25pm On Jul 17, 2015
A young woman was taking an afternoon nap. After she woke up, she told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for Valentine's Day. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight," he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it, only to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:21pm On Jul 17, 2015
An ugly, fat, bad woman with two kids enters Wal Mart, shouting angry at the kids with no reason. The man at the reception says cheerfully to her: "Good morning and welcome to Wal-Mart. Cute kids! Are they twins?" The horrible woman stopped shouting, just enough to say, "Hell, they’ re not twins… The older is 9 and the other is 7! Are you blind or just stupid?" "No madam... I’m neither blind nor stupid... I just can’t get that there’s a man out there who had sex with you twice."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:05pm On Jul 17, 2015
There was this man who walked into a bar and says to the bartender 10 shots of whiskey. The bartender asks, "What's the matter?" The man says, "I found out my brother is gay and marrying my best friend." The next day the same man comes in and orders 12 shots of whiskey. The bartenders asks, "What's wrong this time?" The man says, "I found out that my son is gay." The next day the same man comes in the bar and orders 15 shots of whiskey. Then the bartender asks, "Doesn't anyone in your family like women?" The man looks up and says, "Apprently my wife does."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 4:03pm On Jul 17, 2015
There's this blonde. She gets on a plane and sits in the first available seat. The flight attendant is coming around checking tickets. She looks at the blonde woman's ticket and tells the blonde; "ma'am you can't sit here, your ticket says coach and this is first class. please move to the back of the plane" The blonde replies "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica" So the flight attendant, now hot under the collar at the blonde's response, goes to another flight attendant and tells him what happened. so he goes up to her and asks her to move to the back of the plane. She then responds "I'm a blonde, I'm smart and have a good job. I'm not moving until the plane arrives in Jamaica". So the two flight attendants are steaming mad and they go to the co-pilot and tells him what is going on. He comes back to where the blonde is sitting and leans over and whispers something in her ear. The two flight attendants were astonished when the blonde abruptly got up from her seat and moved to the back of the plane. They looked at each other and then the co-pilot and asked him what he told her. The co-pilot, feeling good about himself told them "oh, this happened a while back with someone else. I just simply told the woman that the front half of the plane wasn't going to Jamaica".
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:56pm On Jul 17, 2015
A cab driver reaches the pearly gates. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book and tells him to pick up a gold staff and a silk robe and proceed into Heaven. Next in line is a preacher. St. Peter looks him up in his Big Book, furrows his brow and says, "OK, we'll let you in, but take that cloth robe and wooden staff." The preacher is shocked and replies, "But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely I rate higher than a cabbie!" St. Peter responds matter-of-factly, "This is Heaven and up here, we are interested in results. When you preached, people slept. When the cabbie drove his taxi, people prayed."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:53pm On Jul 17, 2015
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?" "One dollar." answered little Johnny. "You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed. Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:52pm On Jul 17, 2015
While watching TV with his wife, a man tosses peanuts into the air and catches them in his mouth. Just as he throws another peanut into the air, the front door opens, causing him to turn his head. The peanut falls into his ear and gets stuck. His daughter comes in with her date. The man explains the situation, and the daughter's date says, "I can get the peanut out." He tells the father to sit down, shoves two fingers into the father's nose, and tells him to blow hard. The father blows, and the peanut flies out of his ear. After the daughter takes her date to the kitchen for something to eat, the mother turns to the father and says, "Isn't he smart? I wonder what he plans to be." The father says, "From the smell of his fingers, I'd say our son-in-law."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:50pm On Jul 17, 2015
An old lady goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with frequent gas. Fortunately, the farts never smell and are always silent. As a matter of fact, I've farted at least 10 times since I've been here, and I bet you didn't even notice!" The doctor says, "I see. Take these pills and come back next week." The next week the old lady returns. "Doctor," she says, "I don't know what the hell you gave me, but now my silent farts stink like the dickens." The doctor says, "Good! Now that we've cleared up your sinuses, let's work on your hearing."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:47pm On Jul 17, 2015
Police: Where do u live? Me: With my parents. Police: Where does ur parents live? Me: With me. Police: Where do u all live? Me: Together. Police: Where is ur house? Me: Next to my neighbors house. Police: Where is your neighbors house? Me: If i tell you u wont believe me. Police: Tell me Me: Next to my house...
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:46pm On Jul 17, 2015
A boy watches his mum and dad having s*x he ask, "What are you doing ?" His dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" Boy say, "Do her d*ggy style I want a puppy."
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:45pm On Jul 17, 2015
2 cowboys talking about s*x. 1 cowboy says "I like the rodeo position !" "I haven't heard of that ... " says the other cowboy, "what is it ?" "Well get your girlfriend down on all fours and mount her from behind. Then reach round and cup both of her breasts and whisper "these feel just like your sisters" and try and hold on for 8 seconds !"
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:43pm On Jul 17, 2015
Guy: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: Sorry, but alcohol is bad for my legs. Guy: Do they swell? Girl: No. They spread.
Jokes EtcRe: See Gobe by garlicrey(op): 3:43pm On Jul 17, 2015
There were three nuns, they all told the priest that they were going to do one sin each. So the priest says ok, do your sins, come back, and I’ll bless you. So, they went to do their sins and came back to get blessed. The priest asked the first one who was laughing what her sin was. She said, "I had sex with a guy." The priest said ok, blessed her and said go drink some holy water. So she did! The next one was laughing harder, and the priest asked her what her sin was. She said, "I got in a fight with another nun." So he says ok, blessed her and told her to go drink some holy water. So she did. The priest asked the last one who was laughing even harder what she did. And as she was laughing she said, "I pissed in the holy water!"

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 (of 20 pages)