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MY SEX ADVENTURE EPISODE 1
I Arrived at Bibiani Village on Tuesday morning, the day I was writing my first paper “economics” with my school bag full with shirts, trousers and other stuffs. It was a very stressful journey of about 4hours. On my way I saw one lovely lady. She’s short, fair with killer hips. Her boobs were like Nicki Ninaj’s own. I approached her and asked her if she knew the school I was writing the exam. She looked at me and asked, ‘are you also writing WAEC WASSCE’. I said yes. Then she said she was also writing economics today. I was happy and asked her if the place was far from where we were. She said no and that we could even trek. On our way, I asked of her name and she said Sarah. She asked of mine. I said Emgrin. For seconds my eyes keep staring at her huge ass. She noticed and smiled. We chatted about our secondary school lives for like 20mins then we arrived at the school. She introduced me to her friends… mennnnh, see fine bebxxx. They all had instant crush on me. I noticed dat. Then Examiners rang the bell and we entered the exam hall. My seat number was 094. I located it and sat down, bowed my head down. Then remembered I had not fixed for Accommodation. I became worried. Suddenly a dark slim girl wearing short skirt with married woman Big Boobs came to me and said hi am Bose, Your seat Mate. I replied and said. Am Emgrin. She sat down.
Bose: where are you from?
Me: Accra
Bose: Cool. You must be rich
Me: I smiled and said in my mind *if you turn bundle of 1000ghc note i will pick you*
Bose: Am from Goaso. Sha you look worried y?
Me: I have Not Secured accommodation yet that’s y.
Bose: *laughs* is that Why you are worried? Well you can stay with me before you will get your own accommodation if you can Padlock Your Trouser, You know what I mean
Me: *laughs* thanks Maa. You are very funny
Bose: you welcome dear. Exam started I cleared everything and Bose was using styles to steal my answers. lol Goaso girls. I said in my mind after 3hours we submitted and went out the hall. Sarah saw me and walked to me.
Me: How was the paper?
Sarah: fine, where are you going to sleep?
Me: my seat mate have offered me to stay with her before i get my own accommodation
Sarah: Her? Is she a female?
Me: yes suddenly her face changed. I can feel she was sad. She brought out waakye and soobolo she bought for me. I collected it and said thanks. She asked for my number and I gave it to her. She promised to call me later and left. Bose arrived with her *Garara* Busybody. She tapped me and said let’s go. She stopped an Okada, told him where we were going and climbed. Then she asked me to join her. I climbed and sat down. She halfly sat on My Dick with her Medium size ass. Suddenly My Dick Started Getting Hard. She noticed AND laughed. She said “OTeele” Meaning you Not Even Strong –
Episode 2 continues soon

Series > A Simple Life On Paper (Episode 2) By Slickson on May 2, 2015 At work, my male peers seemed to be competing with me. They would always try to prove that they knew more than I did on any topic I ventured to discuss. Fortunately for me, I don’t discuss topics I don’t know much about. I reckon they did that because of Irene and Maryann…the only two babes in our office of eight. So I keep to myself and let the guys fight for the attention of the ladies. Of all the guys, the most macho and eager to mate is Gregory. He was a shameless flirt that used a long range of vulgarities as compliments and let his eyes wander down any little cleavage or rear that came his way. I get a really bad vibe from him and by the way the ladies started covering up at work…I probably was not the only one. I was called into the director’s office one day and he gave me a list of five people who I was going to be overseeing during their industrial training. The list included their institutions and contact details. I was to contact them all and tell them when to resume. I knew this was going to bring me some friction with Greg because that was his responsibility and he used it to cater to his carnal needs (and brag about it in the office when his supplier had gone back to school). I went back to my table and composed an SMS telling them to report to the office on the first Monday of the upcoming month and report to me by eight in the morning. I knew Greg let them come at will but I would rather they came around the same time I did so I would not have to assign chores on multiple occasions or get distracted from my work by a late arrivals. Maryann came over to my desk and took the paper with the list on it. She read through it and laughed. “So now you will be the one filling our ears with IT students related escapades,” she said out loud. I suspect she wanted Greg to know I had taken his feeding ground. If that was her aim, it worked. He sprung to his feet and came to my desk. Playfully took the list from her and scanned through it. “All these schools are boring,” he said with a hiss. “You won’t get any fun from this batch,” he said as he walked back to his seat. Maryann looked up from her laptop and looked at Greg with scorn. “Do you think Michael is as primitive as you?” Her question was laced with so much contempt that Greg did the smartest thing he had ever done since I knew him; he kept his trap shut! In the ten days to their arrival, all my correspondences with Greg were not just short but laced with contempt. I did not really care, but the other guys in the office were trying to reconcile us. They had basically no luck. Three out of the five students that I was expecting arrived promptly. I instantly felt a wave of pity for the two ladies (Bunmi and Uzomaka) because they were both very attractive and had alluring outfits on. Greg will definitely hunt them down till they leave. My introduction was brief and straight to the point. Told them I was going to be responsible for all the permissions they require and work allocation they are to receive. I also stated that other officers in the office are allowed to allocate work to them in the event that I am not around to give it to them personally. As I expected, the only amongst them had a question to ask. Unfortunately for him, he asked an obviously stupid question. The “rep” he was trying to build with the ladies suffered a blow. His name was Abdulrasaq. His shiny shoes, super pressed clothes and stomach-high shirt-tuck were a testament as to how serious he was about his training. Was I impressed? No, I wasn’t. WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 3

Series > A Simple Life On Paper (Episode 1) By Slickson on May 2, 2015 My life was basically in a boring routine. I had recently been employed into the federal civil service as an architect and for a young guy at twenty-six; I had lost all flare in my life. My steady job and occasional private gigs were all a means of saving funds towards my intended proposal to my girlfriend of two years. I had only three hundred thousand naira left for me to reach my two million naira savings goal when I got tagged on some pictures of my girlfriend’s wedding by her cousin on Facebook. I fell into a serious depression for months. My colleagues and bosses kept their distance at work and my friends avoided bringing up her name whenever I was around. It took two months for me to decide whether I should end my life or start living again. I decided to live. My daily routine revolved around work and home. I leave for work by seven in the morning and in most cases come back by six in the evening. I had no problem with those hours because I was always able to avoid the hold ups in the morning and make it to work before eight and I eat dinner out before I head home…still avoiding hold-ups. I live in a one bedroom apartment (that means it has a living room, dining area, kitchen, bedroom etc) in the outskirts of town. The apartment is part of a semidetached building and there are 7 of such buildings in the compound. I had initially paid only a year’s rent but since I got the job I was comfortable with I had decided to meet with the landlord and pay up for another five years. I was surprised that the man came and knocked on my door in person. He is one of the big wigs in his state that you will definitely see on national TV at least once a month so when I sent a text to one of the listed numbers on my lease, I thought I would get a call from a caretaker…not him. I ushered him in and he jovially explained how he had spent a year or two without coming to the estate so when his caretaker asked if he would like to issue a five-year lease; he decided to take the opportunity check up on the premises personally. He came in my apartment around six in the evening on Sunday. His driver came in with him and I offered them drinks. “Sorry I came in without warning, I was just in the neighbourhood for an event and decided to ask you some questions before I decide whether to give you the lease you are looking for or not” he started. For an elderly guy, I knew he was still sharp so I decided to be on the alert. He could have an ulterior motive. “Why do you want to commit to a lease this long?” he asked. I explained my situation to him as he nodded in understanding. He was concerned that people who took long leases often don’t know how to maintain the premises the lease. He ended his speech by asking if I could maintain the apartment in the same condition as I had met it. I was taken aback by the question. Not because I felt I could maintain it but because I had to renovate it before I moved in! I took my time to explain to him the steps I took to inform the caretaker in writing of my desire to renovate the apartment and also the pictures I had attached of areas I hoped to have fixed. I went into my room and brought out my copy of the received letter and presented both it and the approval letter I had gotten two days later. The pictures of the apartment were also on display from my laptop and the surprise that was on my face was transferred to his face. After he regained his composure, he agreed to allow me the lease.”As soon as you can make the payment, I will send the driver with the receipt”. A thought came over me. If I pay him directly, I would be able to avoid the agent/ caretaker commissions. “Sir, can I effect the transfer right now to your account?” I asked. That question led to me presenting a lecture on the efficacy of mobile banking and its numerous applications. He was skeptical until his phone rang and he saw a notification confirming the transaction. The driver was sent to the car to get the required documents and stamp. Thirty minutes later, my landlord left me with a new five-year lease and a smile on my face. That visit saved me a couple grand…who wouldn’t be happy? I went on with my life in the usual manner. I would often go visit my friends, but the fact that Peter and Gabriel were always in the midst of one new university girl or the other. I hate feeling like the third wheel (although some of the girls seem like they wouldn’t mind a three-way with me) so I make my visits brief. Mark was a gamer like me. So we could spend hours at his apartment playing Xbox. The only problem is…his girlfriend looks at me like I am cheating her of her time with her guy. WATCH OUT FOR EPISODE 2

abeg how many questions dy come for computer science

crazy

A man in his mid forties bought a new BMW and was out on the interstate for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to see what the engine had. As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him. “There’s no way they can catch a BMW,” he thought to himself and opened her up further. The needle hit 90, then 100, and finally reality hit him and he knew he shouldn’t run from the police, so he slowed down and pulled over. The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. “It’s been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it’s Friday the 13th. I don’t feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven’t heard before, you can go.” The guy thinks for a second and says, “Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back.” “Have a nice weekend,” said the officer and he walked away.

Boy in the bath with his mum. Boy says, "Whats that hairy thing mum ?" Mum replies, "That is my sponge." "Oh yes," says the boy, "The babysitters got one, I've seen her washing dads face with it ."

Naughty boy draws a p*nis on a black board. Lady teacher rubs it off. Next day he draws a bigger one and writes: "REMEMBER THE MORE YOU RUB THE BIGGER IT GETS!

A blind man enters a bar and find his way to a barstool. After ordering a drink, and sitting there for a while, the blind guy yells to the bartender, “Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bar immediately becomes absolutely quiet. In a husky, deep voice,the woman next to him says, “Before you tell that joke, you should know something. The bartender is blonde, the bouncer is blonde and I’m a 6′ tall, 200 pound blonde with a black belt in karate. What’s more, the fella sitting next to me is blonde and he’s a weightlifter. The woman to your right is a blonde, and she’s a pro wrestler. Think about it seriously, mister. You still wanna tell that blonde joke?” The blind guy says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”

There was a businessman who was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he’d try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone, because he didn’t much like the idea of her screwing someone else. So he went to a store that sold intimacy gadgets and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, and started talking to the old man behind the counter. He explained his situation, the old man. “Well, I don’t really know of anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for weeks, except …” said the old man, and then he stopped. “Except what?” asked the businessman. “Nothing, nothing,” said the old man. “C’mon, tell me! I need something!” protested the businessman. “Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there is the ‘voodoo dick,’” the old man said. “So what’s up with this voodoo dick?” the businessman asked. The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there lay a very ordinary-looking Love Machine. The businessman laughed, and said, “Big fucking deal. It looks like every other Love Machine in this shop!” The old man said, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo dick, the door.” The voodoo dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door, and started screwing the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, and a crack developed down the middle. Before the door could split, the old man said, “Voodoo dick, get back in your box!” The voodoo dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more. The businessman said, “I’ll take it!” The old man resisted and said it wasn’t for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash. The guy took it home to his wife, told her it was a special Love Machine and that to use it, all she had to do was say, “Voodoo dick, my pussy.” He left for his trip satisfied things would be fine while he was gone. After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably Hot. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered the voodoo dick. She got it out, and said “Voodoo dick, my pussy!” The voodoo dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was great, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three orgasms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but nothing worked. Her husband had forgot to tell her how to shut it off. So she decided to go to the hospital to see if they could help. She put her clothes on, got in the car and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the Love Machine. On the way, another orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road, and she was pulled over by a policeman. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink. Gasping and twitching, she explained that she hadn’t been drinking, but that a voodoo dick was stuck in her pussy, and wouldn’t stop screwing. The officer looked at her for a second, and then said, “Yea, right. Voodoo dick, my ass!”

A guy is reading his paper when his wife walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head with a frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She says, "I found a piece of paper in your pocket with Betty Sue written on it." He says, "Jeez, honey, remember last week when I went to the track? Betty Sue was the name of the horse I went there to bet on." She shrugs and walks away. Three days later he is reading his paper when she walks up behind him and smacks him on the back of the head again with the frying pan. He asks, "What was that for?" She answers, "Your horse called."

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with three young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second mom. "Your obsession is money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." At this point, the third mother got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, "Come on, Dick, let's go."

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks." The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language." Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today." As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."

One night a little girl walks in on her parents having sex. The mother is going up and down on the father and when she sees her daughter looking at them she immediately stops. “What are you doing, Mommy?” The mother too embarassed to tell her little girl about sex so she makes up an answer. “Well, sweetie, sometimes daddy’s tummy gets too big so I have to jump up and down on it to flatten it out.” The little girl replies, “Well, mommy you really shouldn’t bother with that.” The mother has a confused look on her face, “Why do you say that sweetheart?” The little girl replies, “Because mommy, everytime you leave in the morning, the lady next door comes over and blows it back u

Dirty jokes
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck. If he wants s*x, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll k*ll us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!"

Dirty jokes
A woman decided to have a face lift for her birthday. She spent $5000 and felt really good about the results. On her way home she stopped at a dress shop to look around. As she was leaving, she said to the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?" "About 35,"he replied. "I'm actually 47," the woman said, feeling really happy. After that she went into McDonald's for lunch and asked the order taker the same question. He replied, "Oh, you look about 29." "I am actually 47!" she said, feeling really good. While standing at the bus stop she asked an old man the same question. He replied, "I am 85 years old and my eyesight is going. But when I was young there was a sure way of telling a woman's age. If I put my hand up your skirt I will be able to tell your exact age." There was no one around, so the woman said, "What the hell?" and let him slip his hand up her skirt. After feeling around for a while, the old man said, "OK, You are 47." Stunned, the woman said, "That was brilliant! How did you do that?" The old man replied, "I was behind you in line at McDonald's."

Little Billy came home from school to see the families pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Billy said, "Dad our roosters dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?" His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven." "Gee Dad that's great," said little Billy. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Billy rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!" "What do you mean?" said Dad. "Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming, "Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

Boy calls 911. Boy: Hello? I need your help! 911: Alright, What is it? Boy: Two girls are fighting over me! 911: So what's your emergency? Boy: The ugly one is winning.

Black humour jokes
The FBI had an open position for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were completed, they had narrowed the field down to 3 possible agents. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. 'We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances.' Inside the room you will find your wife sitting in a chair... we need you to kill her' The man said, 'You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife.' The agent said, 'Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.' The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, 'I tried, but I can't kill my wife.' The agent said, 'You don't have what it takes. Take your wife home.' Finally, the last man was given the same instructions, to kill his wife. He took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the man, wiping the sweat from his brow. 'Some idiot loaded the gun with blanks' he said. 'I had to strangle that bitch to death'.

A girl realized that she had grown hair between her legs. She got worried and asked her mom about that hair. Her mom calmly said: "That part where the hair has grown is called Monkey, be proud that your monkey has grown hair." the girl smiled. At dinner, she told her sister: "My monkey has grown hair." Her sister smiled and said: "That’s nothing, mine is already eating bananas."

I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my gas with the beat of the music. After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee, and noticed that everybody was staring at me... Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

Teacher asks Little Johnny to use the word 'definitely' in a sentence . Little Johnny replies, "Teacher, do farts have lumps in them?" The Teacher says, "Of course not Johnny," To which Johnny replies, "Then I have definitely shit my pants then..."

Little Johnny was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. 'If you had ten dollars,' said the teacher, 'and I asked you for a loan of eight dollars, how much would you have left?' 'Ten,' said Little Johnny firmly. 'Ten?' the teacher said 'How do you make it ten?' 'Well,' replied Little Johnny 'You may ask for a loan of eight dollars, but that doesn't mean you'll get it!'

Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is. Her reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his mother how much she weighs. Again the mother's reply is, "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." The boy then asks, "Why did daddy leave you?" To this, the mother says, "you shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room. On the way to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse. When he picks it up, her driver's license falls out. The boy looks it over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about you now. You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!"

A teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word "fascinate" in it. A little girl says, "Walt Disney World is fascinating." The teacher says, "No, I said, fascinate." Another little girl says, "There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life." The teacher again says, "No, the word is fascinate." Little Johnny yells from the back of the room, "My mom has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the 10 buttons on her shirt."

During the soccer match little Johny sits in the front row. His friend asks: How did you get tickets? From my brother - respond Petya. And where is your brother? At home. Looking for his ticket.

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that. After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went. She said, "I think I broke his gambling". The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money." "DAMN!" said the father. "What's wrong?", the teacher asked. Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

Teacher: "Johnny, write a sentence ending with the word hand." Johnny: "My penis in your hand." Teacher: "What?" Johnny: "Sorry teacher, I forgot to put a space between pen is."

There was this little boy who had no name. One day he went outside and heard someone say Jonny. He then tells his mother his first name would be Jonny. The second day he goes outside and hears the name Humper. So, he tells his mother his middle name was going to be Humper. The third day, Jonny goes out and hears the name Harder. Then, he tells his mother his full name shall be Jonny Humper Harder. Jonny goes out one day with handful of cookies. He sees this girl around his age and asks her if she would be willing to take off her shirt for a cookie. The little girls says that she would take off all her close for all of Jonny's cookies. Jonny gives her the cookies and the girl takes off all her clothes. Hours later, the towns people all run up to them in the middle of the street and they cry, "JONNY HUMPER HARDER!" Little Jonny yells, "I'M TRYING, I'M TRYING!"

Little Johnny walks into his dad's bedroom and sees him sliding on a condom. His father tries to hide it by bending over, as if to look under the bed. Little Johnny asks curiously, "What are you doing, Dad?" His father quickly replies, "I thought I saw a mouse go underneath the bed." Little Johnny replies, "What are you gonna do -- screw him?"

The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. Jane, Do you know any multi-syllable words? After some thought Jane proudly replied with Monday. Great Jane that has two syllables, Mon......day Does anyone know another word. I do, I do, me me me replied Johnny. Knowing Johnny's more mature sense of humor she picks Mike instead. Ok Mike, what is your word. Saturday. says, Mike. Great, that has three syllables. Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me....." Not thinking he can do any harm with a word that large the teacher reluctantly says, "O.K. Johnny what is your four syllable word?" Johnny proudly says, "Mas...tur...ba...tion." Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful" No Maam, your thinking of Mouth Action, and that's only two syllables.