₦airaland Forum

Oga why do u need a girl in ur dream wen u can have one in real life.
And if u need 2 know why you can't get one, it's probably cos u hav a distorted brain. U post something like this in game section. Dat goes a long way to tell us something about u.

Kool

Me thin the next p.m shuld be 1583

Se nitori pe o sope oun lohun ni Nairaland ni won se begi fun? Oga Seun, iyen o to tori ke. To ba wun mi mo le sope emi ni olori orile ede yi, iyen ko yo Yaradua loye, inu ara mi ni mo n dadun; bee ara mi ni mo n tan.
Nitori idi eyi, e da omo naa pada logan.

Offences

Thanx honey. I wish i culd take from my ribs 2 make a pen, cut from my flesh 2 make a paper & take from my blood 2 make an ink just 2 write how much i miss you. MISS U!

Who is who?

The whole of which Nairaland?

It's a fraudulent msg. There has been notices from banks warning customers against falling for this mail. I received such warning from GTB and i also saw one at Union Bank.
Pls beware.

Nigeria, home of endless unimaginable possibilities!

To what?

Are u telling us that you don't truly know what magun is?

Na jeje trouble sleep but woman for what dey are must to wake am.

What are we suppose to do to dis post? Laugh?


Too dry.

NOTICE TO EMPLOYEES



SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment. Anyone having operations will be FIRED immediately.

PREGNANCY:
In the event of extreme pregnancy, you will be allowed to go to the first aid room when the pains are FIVE MINUTES apart. If it is false labor, you will have to take an hour's leave without pay.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co-worker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

What's going on here?

ritchboi:
No b only magun,na maggi. u rily beleive in that shit?

My brother, don't be deceived by civilisation. Magun really exists. A trial will convince/convict you.


At topic, Condom no go work for magun ooooooo.

clemcykul:
hahhahaaa sweetie that is another funky funny joke love u dalyn guess what happened i have been sick this past few days no one on this nairaland bothered to check on me so i bliv am all alone even my dalyn iteun, miggie and mimiko, lancaster, alphie u all forgot about me buhuuuuuuuuuu (sneezes)
i wont come on your burials i swear!

U may not have d chance to attend their burial; u may have to die before them. Thus you will miss the burial.

2 - ugly

Haba antis, why poison?
You were only asked whom you will eject or can live with, why killing?

Fatal!




F

Drink

Tell her what?

Last

This shuld be d last post. No one else shuld post here again. Go and start another one. Okay?

You can only get perfect relationships in the novels.
In reality, never expect it. Even u as an individual is not perfect and so also is your partner. How then can you both do something perfect?

@ Poster,

It sometimes happen like that wen you get to a new place of work. wen i joined the coy i'm presently working with, i was very IDLE (in capital letter). It was so bad i approached one of our directors that i have a free flow with and complained to him about d idleness. He replied that i shuld take my time to enjoy the idle period cos a time will come that i will pray to get a break from the job but it won't happen. Honestly, he was right. I culd not even go on my annual leave. I took just 5 days out of my total annual leave this year and it was as if i was gone for 2 months. I culd not even enjoy the leave as i sometimeshave to come to the office to sort out some things.

So my dear, be calm. Whoknows the tasks you are asking for may be coming heavily soon. Hpwever, you can still be looking for another job while you wait. But DON'T LEAVE YOUR PRESENT JOB UNTIL YOU HAVE ANOTHER ONE.

Cheers!

Next up shuld be 1349

That's true. I just hope someone with the right authority in Biggs will get to hear of this. The security/doormen somehow scares pple away from their eatery. They do it so annoyingly.

Do u wat?

Next should be 1289

Ladies in the house, can you all see these? Before we know it now you all will be shouting and crying foul. That you are not being given due honour. Tell me what honour do these set of ladies deserve? If they have not placed any value on themselves, why should i place a good value on them? You can't get anybody to place any value on you more than you place on yourself.