₦airaland Forum

I heard the alarm go
That same music
Lord Im grateful for what you have done for me
Wakes me up every Blessed morning
I look around in the dark
Silently Bless His Name for a brand new awakening
I rise up
Go through my morning rituals

7am its time for work
Say a short prayer, before setting out
Get in the car
Do the trip into work
Less than 15minutes on a good morning

Arrive work just in time
Always with a wide smile on my face
Morning! I say to the first person I lay my eyes on
morning, they respond with equally the same smile
That brightens my day
We go on to have a chit chat about what the weather will be for the day
Even though it feels like fall has begun, we still pray for summer to linger

As i casually walk towards my office
my head is busy putting the day's schedules in order of priority in my brain
I walk through the double doors, I instinctively switch on the lights
Switch on the radio, for a bit of chit chat in the background
Open the windows to let in some morning fresh air

Oh what bliss!

Today
I feel good
Today Im happy
Today I probably made the first person I met this morning at the reception happy
Not bad for a morning achievement

Onwards and Upwards.

People talk of allergies
I'm allergic to wheat
I'm allergic to Millk
I'm allergic to bees
I'm allergic to Nut


I on the other hand
I'm allergic to Love
For someone who knows nothing about love
How then is he allergic to love?
I hear you ask


Could it be I'm allergic to the feeling love brings
Or is my allergy to do with being shown love
Do I grasp the context of Love
Am I expected to reciprocate this love
Or should I just accept the token
Why then am I allergic?



Love does not bode well with me
Right now, here now, I could be so in love
or so I think
The next minute, I could dislike that thing called Love
Could it be, because of my emotions
Do I let my heart dictate what Love should be to me
Or do I let my head rule and disagree with the feelings called love.


What is Love?


How can I build up my immunity to embrace Love
I want to Love
I want to receive Love
I want to appreciate this thing called Love


I Need to give Love

Days are flying by
The end of the year is nearing
These are the end times i hear someone say
How far have you come on your new year resolutions
I hear them ask

They make the right noises
At the wrong times
Or am I stuck in the times?
Has time stood still whilst i wasnt watching

A million questions
But the one that is topmost of my mind
is
WHAT DO I REALLY WANT
Here is my answer
I DONT KNOW

Was that a smirky laugh i hear
Am i laughing at myself
I look around, but no one is about
Yes, that is me making fun of myself

I ask myself this, What do people around me want from me
Lets see
I tick all the boxes
a wonderful mum
an adorable wife
a good daughter in law
a beautiful daughter
a dependable friend
a reliable worker

I believe I tick all those boxes.
So we are back to the question, what do I want.
What does Gudintent want
Love
To be able to RECEIVE love

How do i receive love?

A bright sunny day it was
You were your normal self
Chatting away
Very playful
Nothing and no one stops you
You mix with your peers without any help
You are loved by all
Most of all Me.


I mark yesterday cos I will always replay all that happened
I cant forget
I dont want to forget
You took me out of my comfort zone
You dared me to go where no one has been

You were ahead of me
I was behind you
I paused and blinked my eye for a second
You were gone
I looked round with a bewildered glance
Someone said you went that way
There you were
running with those legs
You sprint like an antelope
I called out for you to stop
You were laughing and smiling as you continued to sprint
I went after you
Different scenes playing in my head
You were heading for the main road
A danger in itself

I kept calling out
You heard me
As I breathe a sigh of relief within me
I begged you to come closer
You started making your way back
Still smiling with those twinkle in your eyes
My heart was racing

As you got closer, your partner in sprint arrived
I could not believe my eyes
when you took to your heel and started the race
I was calling out
As I joined in the run
You were lauging and giggling
Dangers all over the place

Then I saw the car and I saw you still giggling away
Thank God his break was working
You unaware of what had just happend
was happily runing away
It is all fun to you
You are having a swell time

I called out to passers by
Stop her! stop her!
I must have looked like a crazy woman
Little wonder they didnt take any notice of me
As God will have it. You stopped

This was my last chance to get you to come to me
I brought out the packet of sweet
which was meant to be a treat for you
prior to all this race. , I called out to you
come and get it, You came to me filled with smiles
and laughter. The closr you got, the harder my heart beat.
As I latch onto your ends, a feeling so overwhelming came upon me.
Without further ado, I turned your hands around and smacked you a few times.


Dont you EVER do that again.


Slowly we walked back.

I was up all night thinking of what could have been. I shudder at the thought
In all I thank God for where we are. Had it not been HIS EYES upon you.
I will not be here to wrte about it.

I Love You my ANGEL

DELETED

(Apology)

I am a wife
I am a mother
I am a friend
I am the confidant
I am the cook
I am the cleaner
I am the finance advisor
I am the pillar that makes a home a home

The pressure! such pressure!
I remembered being single
all those nights i cry into my pillow
all those days I envied married women
Here I am
In my own home
Living my dream
Yet the tears keep flowing

What did I do wrong
What didn't I do
where do I start
Where does it all end

Where is my support
I am considered to be the weak one
Yet I am expected to be the warrior
The one that stands when others fall
I am expected to pick up the pieces
Even when I am in pieces
Who is my confidant
Who is my friend
Who is my helper

No
don't feel sorry for me
I love this life
The flowing tears
are joyful ones
the Who
is the family unit
We lean on each other
Through thick and thin
We learn from each other
we grow with each other
Above all
We have each other

I will not be a wife if I wasnt married
I will not be a mother if I didnt have a man
I will not be a friend If I had no one to care for
I will not be a confidant if im not trusted
I will not be a cook, if I had no one to cook for
I will not be a cleaner, if there were no kids to make the home untidy
I will not be a finance advisor, If we had no money

I will NOT be a pillar if there was no home

Thanks adebayo

Thanks spike

I ask myself
I dont know what to do
I dont know what to say
Not because there is nothing to say or do
But because I feel the hurt I will leave you
when I utter those words
Am I being selfish?
Should I be honest?
Can you take the truth?
Would your ego be hurt rather than your heart?

I have dropped hints
I have struggled when I should have been a participant
Yet you refuse to see the signs
You carry on like we are good
Are we good?
Are you in denial?
Do you know what my intentions are?
Do you really know how I feel?


How do I express myself?

Or should the question be,

Where do we go from here?

Thanks man

Time and time again
the same routine
you come
you begin
you have your pleasure
you are contented
you say all the sweet things
you leave.



I on the other hand

Dread you coming
I pretend to sleep
even when im fully awake
I cringe
I struggle
I give a million excuses
sure they are lame
all in the name of avoidance
I freeze
I close my eyes
blocking out the reality
I am thinking please hurry
I hear the sweet talk
but they are mere words
I open my eyes
its all over.