prechbills1:


you're uncivilized.... grow up and view life from a different angle..

we men don't give a fvck about virginity or whatsoever
only kids and hypocrites come on nairaland to rant "virginity this and that"

At the bolded,what fraction are you among millions of Nigerian men? Next time you should speak for urself and not a generalized statement to corroborate your point,albeit a weak one.

prechbills1:


you're uncivilized.... grow up and view life from a different angle..

we men don't give a fvck about virginity or whatsoever
only kids and hypocrites come on nairaland to rant "virginity this and that"

At the bolded,what fraction are you among millions of Nigerian men? Next time you should speak for urself and not a generalized statement to corroborate your point,albeit a weak one.

Someone should please summarize for me biko

AdeRational:
@op I feel your pain. I'm a 29 old guy who will be leaving home soon. To all those saying you should allow narcissistic parents control your life just because you'll miss them when they die and to those saying you should stay home wih parents and stay unhappy just because they lost their own parents at 4yrs, I call BS on all that sentimental jargons. Besides it's missing the point. Leaving home or wanting to leave your narcissistic parents doesn't mean you love them any less, it means you're prioritizing your psychological health and fighting for your happiness and personal growth. And frankly speaking, those who lost their parents early in life can't even relate so just read and 'wakapass'. This is not your thread. I will never speak about the experiences of losing my parents at a tender age because I can't relate. Even if my parents die now, I've had them for 29 yrs already. It's different when you lose them early. And don't get me started on traditional African views of 'you have to do what your parents say, no matter...blah blah blah', 'what your parents can see while lying down, you won't see even if you climb a fence'. If our traditional African values are so sancrosanct, why are we stunted as a society?

So I'm 29 and I'm leaving home soon. It's been unbearable up to this point but I had little choice as I was broke and couldn't afford to leave. My parents are of the very religious overbearing, overprotective kind. But that's not even scratching the surface of my pain. Outside we look like the perfect family (I have an elder sister by the way) but inside I suffer a lot largely because of my independent views on everything (my sister is like them). They police my every movement. They pick my friends. I'm not even allowed to get a gf (they want to arrange a girl of their choice for me). I know I'm partly to blame since I allowed it but don't be so hard on me. I grew up in this very suppresive environment and although I knew it wasn't right, I never had the courage to standup for myself because my parents are like 'gods' in my community and I feared being the 'bad sheep' .

Now here's where it gets tricky. I do not rely on parents for anything (only shelter) as everything is a tool of control with them. They are very religious and that's the only thing they care about and how people view them. Growing up, if I don't go to 'church' - no food, if I don't go for evangelism - no food. Everything has to be on their own terms. They only care about religious things. Heck, they didn't even show up to my graduation (the both of them). While in school (Uni) they paid regular visits to me, handed me over to pastors who must give them reports every week. I was not permitted to own an account and must come home every month for my stipend. I was policed at every step of the way. No thanks to their parenting, I grew up to be a socially inept, badly depressed and anxious person. I'm taking therapy online now and getting better and I just have to leave home this year to get even better. I'm treated like a stranger now at home. I'm always in my room. (I run my own online business - freelance writing, cryptocurrency, HR advisement, etc.) I'm asked to drop at least 20 k every month yet I'm not allowed to eat with the family. I still buy my own food. I can afford to pay for rent now and leave home asap. But now in a bid to paint me the 'bad sheep', I was reported to the ministers in the church (like I said my Dad is very high ranking in our religion) to talk sense into me for going out to see a friend who they don't approve of and wanting to leave home now when I'm not married (Can you imagine!!!). They are still trying to paint a good image of the family. I didn't even know what to say and was mostly silent. I worry that If I start talking, I won't stop and will say all manner of things.

Children of narcissistic parents react differently to the treatment. And that's why my sister is different. She's very close to them. She's married now but still says at home instead of renting her own apartment (that's story for another time). She's the queen of the house and dominates while I just have to hide away in my room. She's affected too but is oblivious to this (she's closer to her parents than her husband). She's overly attached to them and gets a better treatment and so they all bully me together.

I'm not angry. I just need to leave to be happy and for peace of mind.

I'll stop ranting now. Sorry guys.
(So may typos...I know. I'm sorry)

while reading this piece,i was wondering the kinda job u do to have been able to write this impressively, but then,i saw where you said you're a freelance writer and I wasnt surprised.
I must confess, your parents went too far when you were to come home monthly for your stipends coupled with monitoring spirits everywhere, omo you really try oo.
You'll be fine though coz u knw what's best for u.takia

jfkenny:

u need to hear my story. u ain't alone ..there are many suffering same.

you can share it you know. We could learn one or few things from it

wonukwuru:




I know that, but its very surprising that a graduate cannot teach a primary 2 and primary 5 pupils. Even when the textbooks contains lots of solved examples. If she is an average student, i will understand. But the truth is that she is below average. Somebody that cannot write a formal and an informal letter, cannot send text message with a simple and correct english and does not even know her "safe period". In this era, a graduate cannot or does not know how to use the computer, does not know what Facebook, Whatsapp, etc is all about. I begin to imagine if the person is in this part of the world. Im complaining, and some persons are telling me that if i truly love her, i should over look all her faults. What kind of love are they talking about? A situation i will tell her to remove the clothe she is wearing and wear another one, and she ignores me. If its you, can you take such? I bought a car for her last year, she will also expect me to fuel the car for on every two days. She is expected to use the car to take my kids to school and bring them back, but she will use the car to run round the whole town and expects me to fuel it and my own car. If she was working or doing business, is she not the person to fuel the car? Must i be the one to do everything? My building project has stopped for over a year because no money to continue. We are still living in a rented apartment. The lady that you call your wife will not want to do anything to assist in the up-keep of the family. Of a truth, i married her when i have not gotten a job but she was not the person that contributed to my getting a job. We were dating when i was writting my professional exams (ICAN), if was reasonable and ready to learn, will she not have joined me seeing that we studied the same course in the university? For your information, I met her in the university. I was just a year ahead of her.

it's indeed critical, but nonetheless, you should rather concentrate on the few positive things that attracted you in the 1st place,just as people have earlier adviced you

klassic:
@Op , the problem is 99% your fault and 1% her fault. You have gradually with your incessant complains and comparative life style eroded any self esteem or self worth she has left.
Now lemme explain a little, I suppose from the begining of the courtship/early marriage , it was not so until you gradually made it so. Remember back those days instead of studying with her and encouraging her , you will rather judge her?.She can't be like you even if she was trying to please you then by trying to be like you, it stopped cos rather than communicate, you want her to live the kinda life you want for her.
The major problem is see here is she is never enough in your sight, she is always inferior no matter what she does, you don't ever appreciate her, encourage her, talk nicely to her inner person or make her feel adequate( her thinking) which you might not know. She is your first daughter as well as your wife. She honestly wanted to be that great woman you will be super proud at the initial stage, but you never really sought her ideal on how she wants to live her life as your co-pilot. You have dictacted the direction of her life either because you are domineering and always feels you know better. It only gets worse. I bet the sex is boring too , cos she is the traditional type and the sex is no longer appealing.
She is at the rebellion stage where she does that which she knows you hate, just to get back at you, make you feel part of what she is feeling or used to feel if she has gotten to the point of I don't care no more.
You have unintentionally in the name of giving her a better life , stripped her of her dignity as a person and this is the only weapon she has left to fight.
From your diction, one could simply infer you are the social type and you ain't proud of her perhaps you married her out of pity cos she sacrificed for you or something , not out of unconditional love or you knew she was like this from the on set but felt since she has the qualities you wanted in a wife , you can always change this aspect with time perhaps when the money starts coming in. Another guess, she was there when you had nothing and she loved you for who you are and your wealth does not move her. She is the churchy traditional wife who believes she must do things the way her mother did and anything trendy is a sin. She looks up to your pastor and the wife as her role model .
You seldomly take her out cos you are afraid she will embarrass you. You are not proud of her enough to showcase her to the world . You want a classy, sexy, brilliant , well read, and perhaps independent woman you will be so proud to showcase to your friends and colleagues at parties , functions, etc.
Truth is you had pure raw gold and you missed it. I don't think it's too late anyway.
I am speaking from experience cos I married an SSCE holder who speaks her mind and I used to feel this way, but I discovered earlier enough I was making a blunder, the day she said" I know I will never be adequate for you, I know you won't show me to your friends cos you think I know nothing and can't even speak good english. Anyway live your life, have girlfriends like you have always done and leave me let me be"
That was when I realised I was her mentor, teacher , and what she becomes I have huge role to play. And ibhave failed her.today I buy her books and if there is a word she can't pronounce she writes it down and when I come back I teach her and we laugh over it. She is better at it now. Learn to teach her . She is your daughter.
You have psychologically conditioned her to live the kind of life you think is best for her and not the kind of life she wants. Hope this ain't happening to the kids too?
Keeps your intellectuals out of this, start from this, buy her a trendy cloth with accessories to match on a Friday or so, have someone baby sit your kids, take her to dinner, then to see some Friday night movies or what ever She used to like back then. Just take her out and don't come back home that night , book a lodge and have a heart to heart talk with her. Apologise to her cos you owe her one, find out how she wants to live her life. If it's the food stuffs, let her start small, help her manage her sales book not by dictating how it should be done, but by advising and playing a supportive role and watch her grow. After all na there money dey now. So use your brain package am for her in a classy way. But with her permission oooooo. Just encourage and play advisory role.
After 6 months to a year , rather than give her the rest of the balance to dev into wholesales,make it look like a loan from a bank. She must always pay back and motivate her. Stop making her wanna try or live your life . Thanks.

Sorry it's long or I took it personal. I once lived the life of another. @Op , if I came out strong , my aplogies , I feel we should tell ourselves the truth. Divorce is not the answer, I have handled several divorce matters and I came from one technically. It only creates a void nothing can ever fill. Cos you will also admits she has a great side other women don't have. When you see a lady with what your wife lacks, she might not have her good side , and then you want someone with her good side again. It's a rat race. Fix this marriage and make it work. After all the good talk, gradually take her shopping as friends and buy some few clothes .Don't over do this cos soon u will complain she dresses like a harlot cos she might over do it just to please you. Be moderate in all. Thanks.

It's been up to a year since you posted this,all along while I was reading,it felt like a novel that was just published hours ago.
Thanks for this insightful contribution,d law, cos I presume you're a barrister.

First,the verbal duel btw Gourdoinc and fluidqueen,then the subsequent comments from Gourdoinc make this thread one for the ages.

I read those inputs with keen interests and absolute objectivity.God bless you with more wisdom bro and me too

UbiPetrus:
LOL. So your BP too follow rise? God is in full control. We'll get there.

Bro...no be small thing.the thing just dey do press up...
To even think mmedicals is the next stage makes it worst....Devil is a liar!





By His grace...ameen!

Punkpatrol:
So its just one person in this whole thread that got the invite for medicals? Or am I the only person that thinks the message was fake? I had to register just to ask cuz the high BP the thought is giving me no be here.

That your last statement ehnnnn just when I thought I'm the only person that can't seem to take my mind off the message.
It is well in sha Allah!

happy200:
That is the reason why i want someone up to her age not below. tnx

...and you think you can verify that with just whatever they say? common man!

Kinggnicole:


Noooooo!!!!! Delete the abroad part please. Fuckboys will start trooping in.

lol....Naija guys ehn!
The moment they saw 'bringing you here won't be a problem',suddenly, most guys became 36yrs and abv.....

gwales:
jigawa

What date exactly was he interviewed?

UbiPetrus:
Yeah, someone already did. Thanks for responding, all the same.

You welcome bro!

UbiPetrus:
When were they interviewed- the DI cadre?

They were interviewed b4 the DS And ended it like a week or more before D'S started theirs.

Someone already gave the answer to this question

mkadamson:
Medical for DI or DS??

Love this,perhaps,it's for the DI....Nice question!

gwales:
jigawa

ok...thanks!
we will get ours in due time in sha Allah

gwales:
not mine but a friend

ok! From which state did that friend of yours hail?

gwales:
Medical messages have started rolling in

Are you serious? When? From which state did you hail from?

VictorRomanov:



You just ran to the extreme of the beam. The watchword here is balance. Marriage isn't all about making babies neither is life all about money and career.

I understand you well bro and it is better if the involved individuals have it all balanced,but you and I know that's not possible, it uusually lean more on one side than the other. Even life and its bounties I feel is not balanced. My assumption is of course based on my mortal experiences and occurrences around me.

veraiyke:
That's cool. By calculations next stage is most likely april.

I think next stage is most likely May. He interval between interview and camp is 2months on the average,based on the last recruitment though. This is just my take anyway.

VictorRomanov:
what about your children, how will the divorce affect them? It's actually not the best. Just learn to overlook things. The more u look at the bad she does, the more it irritates you. So just overlook them.



By the way, brethren, this is what u get when u marry a woman whose sole purpose in life is to be married and start making babies.

Trust me,you get something worst if all a lady wants is to make more and more money. I personally will appreciate a woman with the qualities of the Op's wife than an extremely career driven woman,whose only main point of thought is just to amass more certs,awards,money etc without sparing a thought for a Happy family.

kerryjossy:
The truth of the matter is that the poster has actually seen some other woman that he loves and wants to be with. Thats the only explanation i can give for a man that has lived with a woman for 10yrs and suddenly wants a divorce for the qualities he has seen in that same woman all through those years!.

Men and lies are like 5&6

You mean some other woman who, perhaps, looks as cute and sexy as you are right?

dotpower55:


Yes, Osun and Edo state applicants were interviewed same day.... 9th of March

I'm most grateful for your response.
I still need info on KWARA state,whoever has hose info should pls and pls spill it. I will really appreciate swift response famz. Thank you!

You knew she was a third Class graduate and went ahead to marry her, what did you expect? Now you are complaining about her grammar.
Your wife is unintelligent and she doesn't want to stress herself in school, why push her when you know her capabilities.

You say she takes in every time even though you want only 3kids. Are you not the one producing the sperm? I am not understanding.
you guys should go to your doctor and choose a family planning method that will suit you or you might end up with 10kids.

About her clothing issues, why not buy her new set of clothes like bum shorts, sexy gowns and lingeries. Married women most times forget that men are moved by what they see cos they are now married and the think the don't need to impress anyone anymore.There is no crime in buying her clothes you want her to wear.

Why not teach her how to speak good English since she does not want to enroll in school?

Open a small scale business for her and if she refuse to do or mismanage it, then don't give her money for upkeep anymore.

Save your marriage, don't divorce her, divorce will affect your kids I tell you.

@bolded,she will look more unkempt and the Op will even feel more frustrated and dejected.

Good afternoon famz!
Does anyone knows if candidates from the states of OSUN,EDO AND KWARA have been called for the interview. If yes,what date was it done for each of those aforementioned states.

Thanks!

SAMBARRY:
advise yourself first

About what exactly dear?

Offpoint:

a million Amen to that brother

Thanks bro

SAMBARRY:
*yawns*

ehhhh!
Ma tan ra e

SAMBARRY:
story for the gods.Abegiii jare

Story? Not at all.
it's just a simple question for you

Offpoint:

goan marry

LOL...
Haba! Mallam/madam ,No reason my matter òooo
I will by God's grace