sisisioge:


You still wan come home? Cool...your resilience is admirable. People like you eventually find, I just hope you find turned out really good.

Already boarding my flight.
YOLO jare

My people its been two days of laughter mixed with serious talk. I appreciate all the message of support and all the merriment this thread brought.

Every man has his own way of doing things. What works for one may not work for the other. What is the point of living if one does not take risks? I have heard all the warnings but I don't want to regret not exploring every channel in this process either.

The issue of marrying a "stranger" from home is as good or bad as meeting someone in the UK. Its entirely the Grace of God that two people are able to live together in harmony. There are good and bad both in UK and naija.

The fact that a person ended up divorcing a wife they brought from naija does not make all naija women bad.

Its important to build a relationship before marrying but what if you cant due to extraneous circumstances?

I will embark on my journey bearing in mind all the advice (and jokes )

Hopefully I will post again when I return from my pilgrimage

segun911:
Mr op.. See nice format oo.. Nd some mumu galz self go don dey believe dis nonsense,. Who told ya dat der are no better galz in uk.. Nd some hungry non ambitious galz would believe dis load of crap..

Its as real as the keyboard you just typed the message from

tiwiex:

My advice, try. It could work. I have a friend who was lucky. But shine ur eye and see if u can do ur litmus test. Design ur own test and dont be desperate. Success has many friends. In fact, d babe won't even realize she is gold digging u. We easily rationalize love but we are just rationalizing our opportunities. Every babe and guy dey claim to be single these days. so, who is dating who sef? Just be careful my bro.

I absolutely love that quote. Thanks for your advice.

grandstar:


My best advise is don't make these mistakes:

1. Live a fake life
Do not pretend to be what you're not. If you are cleaning toilets in the UK, let her know. If you're a doctor, let her know. If you live in a poor part of town, let her know. If it's Mayfair let her know.
If there's high crime in your place, let her know. If low, let her know. Come open!

2. Let her know what to expect. Don't leave any stone unturned.
For instance, tell her what £2.000 a month salary will get you there. That is May be 1.1m here, but much over there.

Tell her how much rent is. What it can get. Inform her the cost of doing her hair etc. Inform her what kind of job will be available for her. Her potential earnings. Also, inform her if your job will keep you from home a lot.

Come clean.

The reason why I am saying this is that most Nigerians going abroad don't know what to expect especially when they see how Nigerian returnees blow cash. So when she gets there, she will be expect you're staying in a 3 bedroom flat in a posh part of town. Some don't even know poverty exist in Europe amongst whites.

If she gets there and become disillusioned and feels betrayed because you did not open up, your marriage is half dead already. That's one reason many guys who come home to Pick their wives have difficulties. They loose the respect of their wives

Please don't make the same mistake. it's better you're blunt and honest than suffer the consequences later.

Thanks for the advice.
I can confirm I played the above card once and the person involved refused. That was back in the day when "ground never level". To this day I still wonder if it was the truth I spoke or that I was not handsome enough
Nevertheless I still trust my missing rib is in naija

chrisj2:

I hear you! When you know yourself and what you limitations are - then you know what you can and cannot do! You can try and get out of your comfort zone just to get a relationship but will it work for you in the long run or you will just be chasing your tail.

Like I said, I am comfortable with the situation and I am not like you - and that is not likely going to change with me being in the UK and probably will not even change much with being in Nigeria. However, there are more opportunities to still be within one's comfort zone in Nja and still find good prospects.

But I hear you! I do need to get out more - knackered chasing ££££. Also, I am not desperate!!

* BTW, I am not putting down Nja ladies or women; I have sisters and They have done well in their relationships (touch wood). However, the relationships have all started from Nigeria - just saying...

@chrisj2 I totally agree with you.

This is part of the problem. Every body wants to tell you to go out more. Go out of your comfort zone. What they dont remember is that people are different. When you pretend to be who you are not in order to meet a lady on a different gear. Eventually when you mellow and become you again, that is when palaver starts.
Like I said. Been there, done that.

AfroBlue:
@ibx1976 come on bro what's the real problem... five years and no score/goal?
Can I Find A Wife On Nl? by ibx1976: 1:33pm On Jun 24, 2011
https://www.nairaland.com/698281/find-wife-nl

My brother without saying too much, lets just say I have had some experience since then. Thanks for checking out my profile.

chrisj2:

I am actually in more or less the same situation. I am also so busy with work to fully immerse myself in Nja circles or activities but I am fine and comfortable without a wife but will like some children...

I also intend to go to Nja for a long break; not specifically to look for a spouse but to get back into the Nja groove and integrate with the culture a bit more and then see what happens. I am not religious and do not do much tradition - even when I was in Nigeria, I was not into all that Loudness, Owambe and Toasting and general waywardness.

Good luck bros!

Thanks.
You sound like me. I guess we dont operate how the world works.
I have many stories of wolves pretending to be sheep. Been there. Done that.

chrisj2:

One poster suggested Peckham, Lewisham and basically SE London and environs to look for good women but what if you live in the Shires or the North of England or even Scotland, what hope? And what of you are not religious? One of them made me go to a Redeem Church... I walked out after about 3 hours of their nonsense; what they did mostly was talk about money and tithes and praying against their enemies - I don't even have any enemies: WTF?

I feel your pain. Been there. Done that. At least I am not totally bonkers

joinnow:
Op no come marriage and leave the lady for naija then
you go return back to UK.
Cause I don't see how you go search,marry and take her along to UK in one month.

Am not getting married in 1 month. I am hoping to start a relationship in one month.

duni04:

Your problem is that u think all the advise the guys have given u here is "hilarious" or "comic". You have no idea what you're walking into. Nigerian women are just for yanshing, absolutely nothing else! If you want to catch enough trips while on vacation, that's what Nigerian girls are for. Don't come here to look for wife! Oga pls don't!

With all due respect sir. I prefer to find out by myself. I dont want to see the world from other people's outlook.

I will not forget to say thank you to Nairaland for posting this on the front page. Its been a wild, hilarious, informative journey so far.

tochez24:
This s a delicate decision u cnt jst mess up so Op if i were you...i wil resign at work hoping to get another wen m back,lock my house nd get my ass down here in Nigeria.though r many bad ladies over bt u cn still find a good one if u r smart.i wil tak my time bro,i wont buy a costly car neither wil i rent a good apartment.i will look for d cheapest things(a room apartment nd a golf car for easy movement)wil do.i dnt nid to go shopping,jst a few cloths from a local market s ok.then wit dis i wil fit into d class of a normal hustling guys over here i wil kip my family off,nd friends dat know me too well.....den m good to go,i wil start making female friends anywhere,anytime i see one dat catchs my eyes.......no need for new niggas jst kip dem at a distance
U will meet many kind of ladies who show u their colour instant

This guy captured exactly what I plan to do.

My great brothers and sisters.

I really appreciate all your responses. I have discovered we have great comedians in nairaland. I have totally exhausted my daily quota of laughter. Some of the responses are so damn hilarious. Thanks for making my day.

I have also received quite a few messages even though nairaland blocked them all because I dont have "direct contact" with the people. I have no idea what that means.

The majority of messages have counselled against this venture. Others have counselled to thread with caution. I will still make my journey - with extreme caution. My plan is to blend in without any "am from UK" vibes.

Let me just add that I am not hoping to find a "wife" in one month. I am merely heading home to see if I can start a "relationship".

My good people I am in a bit of a situation here and would like to hear from the community. I have lived the last few years in the UK and can say I am in a reasonably "settled" place in my life except for one thing: I don't have a wife and I am getting old!.

For the last few years, going by people's advice I thought it was best to cultivate a relationship here with someone here in the UK, learn about them and settle.

It has not worked out for me. Maybe its my luck, it has not quite worked with me with the ladies over here. I always end up with someone diametrically opposite to my goals and aspirations. The idea of marrying an Oyibo is even worse - things just did not work out in that direction either.

To compound the problem, I my job does not allow me much of a social life. I just cant make it happen without help.

On a friend's advice, I have been invited to come back home to naija and see how things can work out. I have therefore taken a months leave and am headed home for the next 1 month. Our plan is to visit a few good families and places to see if anything can materialise from that.

My people any advice on this? If you were in my shoes, how will you conduct this affair. What will you look out for. What will you avoid.

Would Boko Haram have continued their killings if Buhari had been in power

Most married women cheat because of material thing including, money, promotion at work, a new car, bling etc. How many have slept with their boss to get promotion? How many cheated in order to get that new car? What of the cheap one who cheat to have a designer dress or gold chain bought for them?

where are the prosperity preaching pastors?
cant see them on the list

scorpio1:

Naija gals are something else abroad, sometimes i feel it's Inferiority complex that's worrying them, their Bone-NESS is way out of the white mans imagination even when you try to chat them up,

The challenge is to get a girl smiling in 5 minutes. Its never been an easy job bro. Women naturally put up a defense mechanism even when they like you. I like the fact out babes are hard to get.

ronkebp:

There is no need flogging this issue, more than necessary, there is nothing like a male best friend for the wife and a female best friend for the hubby, outside marraige. No need beautifying what will never be. No man would accept that and am very sure no woman would be comfortable with her hubby having a female best friend outside, only if she wants to pretend.

Thank you jare!
I wonder how these women advocating for this topic would feel if their husband or boyfriend suddenly got a brand new sexy, figure 8 best female friend. Would they see it the same way! Would they think its harmless platonic friendship or a time bomb ticking towards a massive kabooom!

My question is, who is that man who would feel comfortable having another man's wife as a best friend? I assure you he has "other motives" far removed from "platonic friendship". Give it enough time and you will know. If such a man is single, why cant he get his own woman/wife. Millions of single ladies are there. If he is married, why cant he confide in his own wife?

If you had a best friend before meeting your husband, why did you not marry your BF instead?

Even female best friends are often the cause of marriage break downs. A married woman should have neither male or female best friends apart from her husband/wife.

Of course you can have friends but the best person in your life should be your husband. You chose to dedicate your lives to each other. By marrying him, you announced to the world that you are no longer available on the singles market.

And if you are tired of him, divorce is always an option. The statement that "marriage is not prison" means the option to back out of a bad relationship should be there always. BUT while you remain in a marriage, desist from bringing in a third confidant or fueling the fire of suspicion.

Nayah:

Sexkillz I was refering to http who said I"m playing with you  
Anyway you have your opinion I respect I got mine and I think we can't agree each other, because we see marriage in different wayas for friendship and couples

Its so hard to admit it when you are wrong Anyway. I'll allow you an escape route from this difficult situation you put yourself in. Lets accept you misunderstood the post from the start and thought best friend can also mean a close family member.  

Sir_Butty:

i will end my rant with the definition of cheating in marriage. it is robbing your spouse of their rights or benefits or property (sex, time, money etc) and giving same to a non-spouse.

Absolutely!

franko!:

but, @kabukabu, no be true say we dey pull trouser reach belle abeg, w[b]ot of congolese people, abi u neva c zaireans and congo brazzaville people [/b] - dem like trouser for belle well well pass us oo

Plus too much skin bleaching. Never seen people who bleach their skin like Congo people

adctrl:

I wonder why someone mention Sagamu somewhere there - leave my town alone, did your Sagamu girl just dump you. The thread affects all Nigerians!

No offence. Mentioned it just to emphasise. Thinking about it though, the context I used Shagamu portrays the town as a proper core naija town My issue was with the dudes who were acting in denial.

Nayah:

hehehe http
Sexkills that's my definition of best friend and if you have read it you wouldn't ask me all these questions dear
I try to be very faithful in my relations (I say try because no one knows tomorrow I'm a human being so) as well as friendship as relatioship that's why it's very easy for me to separate things

Should I continue to suspect you've been cornered!
It was clear from the start the OP was not refering to family or "brothers". I think its wrong to make your husband suspicious by introducing a male rival into a happy relationship. No woman likes that either. Any man, as well, who feels comfortable having a married woman as best friend has some hidden agenda! Go look for your own wife!

The bible says a woman (or man) will forsake even family to cling on to their husband/wife. It never said they should carry along a male or female best friend. Marriage is for two. Not 3.

The ultimate decision to marry anyone lies with YOU!
God has given you a brain, feelings and intellect. Use it!
Dont allow your feelings to lead you into a ruinous relationship.
Do not mistake infatuation and lust to be the voice of God!

No!

Your best friend is your husband.
You may have male "friends" but they should not be elevated to the stutus of "best".

This actually happened to me.

I had gone to a local Nigerian foods restaturant to eat and generally listen to home music. Lo and behold there was these two guys in the restaurant having a laptop on the table. One of them had "permed" hair. While I waited for my food, these two guys subjected us all to the most horrendous "show offs" I have ever seen.

One of them launched into a loud nonstop conversation on phone using New York accent even though we were in London. Initially I thought these must be black Americans though I wondered what they were doing in a Nigerian foods joint. He went on and on about shipping some lorries from Germany. He was so loud I believe everyone was irritated. As if to make sure we all knew he was conducting a multimillion pound business, he got up a few times and paced about while continously howling into the phone in his New York accent.

I swear, had I not already ordered my food, I would have walked out. Instead of Osadebe music, I had to endure stories about "containers" and "money transfer".

The most surprising part happened when suddenly this guy's food arrived. It was garri and I heard him complain in pidgin English "My broda this ya garri too small o". The other one with the "permed hair " responded. I cant remember what he said but he sure sounded like someone from the depths of Ajegunle.

Summary:

The one that keeps talking loudly on phone about containers, money transfer, big business, watch it, he's from Shagamu!

A lot of people confuse brazen faced moral decadence for civilisation/exposure

non of our leaders stayed up to 40yrs in power!