₦airaland Forum

The fact that you feel remorse is a very good sign! Listen to urself when you talk to people that is usually the problem. If you talk loudly or rough then tone it down. I have been told im blunt and have rubbed people the wrong so now im not so free with anyone except my real friends who won't misunderstand me. If i don't trust myself in responding calmly I don't bother saying anything at all or give vague responses. One step at a time, things should get better now that you are aware of the problem.

Who said Africa has one problem I can not speak for the whole of Africa but for Nigeria we have so many issues that even God doesn't know from where to start to save us!!! Ignorance of power hungry fools is at the top of the list. Corruption is everywhere but the difference between other countries and Nigeria is that others steal and still spend money on their citizens at least to turn attention away from their theivery. Naija government will steal from you and not provide basic amenities for survival. Steal if you must but where is our cut

This is is just the heights of stupidity!!! But i'm not holding my breath because I know this our president must find a way to outdo himself! Only God will help our country. Smh

While I 'feel' I will allow my friend date my brother i don't know if I will be so practical to support it as it depends on how much I know. Sometimes too much information is damning that you can't see things in black and white anymore but grey areas. If she is a good girl then why not but i will tell her to be open with my bro on any serious stuff i'm aware of, cos if she doesn't he'll hear it from me!!
But I know guys would rather die than allow their own BEST FRIEND date their sister which is kind of worrying .

Pretenders will always like attention on themselves, sharing too much irrelevant details so you are distracted by what they are saying and not what you want to hear. Doesn't discuss much about your dreams, career plan and other such interests. And worse criticize men/women in general or their last boy/girlfriend, sharing your exes personal details that was meant to be a secret, complaining and being abusive that it was the other person's fault that the relationship ended, bla bla bla.

I will create scenarios, discuss alot of issues (general and family) and judge by the response, introduce to my trusted circle of friends because I might miss something they won't. I think the only way to find out is to spend time with the partner. No matter how good a liar the person is, if you spend enough time you will notice certain behaviours that don't feel right to you or add up. We are all imperfect but the problem is we tend to ignore the 'signs' and make excuses for them hoping its a one time thing and even worse we can change it. No love without sacrifice. Some people possess alot of positive traits but there is that one thing that will not just cut it. Anger is a very clear sign for me to know that if he doesn't work on controlling it now I will end up being a punching bag in the future.
There is no 'ONE WAY' to catch a pretender just take things slow and shine you eyes well.

@OP, I feel bad for you but you need to confront this issue and be bold. If you want to sort things out then speak to her on the phone and bring up this guy and her evasiveness also hear what she has to say. Text messages can be misunderstood easily so talk to her or better still meet her face to face. If she is lying im sure you can tell by her response and body language.
All the best.

It is unfair that after discussing this with him before the marriage and it was all agreed on, he then changed his mind. Getting pregnant now will definitely affect your studies and I can only suggest you try to persuade him gently. The advice you received about waiting for the last semester (since you only have 3 left) before you start trying for a baby is good, but not at the risk of serious marital problems in the future. If it turns out being too problematic then do what he wants. I wish you the best.

Obinoscopy: Thanks Ijebabe. I just don't know why they are all excited at my post. There's nothing wrong with a girl serving her junior brothers food, just as there's nothing wrong a boy serving a girl food; the watch word is mutual understanding. As long as there's the understanding that she's just playing her role as a woman and he's playing his role as a man. The fact that she's serving her juniors or the fact that he's doing all the working instead of his juniors should not be understood as being treated like a slave. I repeat, the watch word is mutual understanding.

I've seen families where its the girl dat cooks and serve her junior siblings. But she's still being respected as their senior and is accorded her well deserved respect. Offcourse if she and other gals are not in the house or if they're tired or sick, its the guys that do the cooking and serving.

Hope I've clarified myself?

You are clarified

StateOfMind: What is this garbage??-----»a girl should be the one to cook in the house and serve the boy even if the boy is her junior.

God bless my parents.

What I understood from what Obinoscopy said is that men and women are different and have different roles. It doesn't mean that men can't cook for women or women can't do hard labour. As long as there is mutual respect.
Obinoscopy please clarify.

[quote author=Kevin_II]babe, I was not referring to your comment in particular. You said 'you obviously didn't read the other posts and the poster's message well' and that was what I was addressing. Nothing do you, matter of fact I'm in complete agreement with your first post up there.[/quote]No worries . I just didn't like being misquoted.

Obinoscopy: A man is a man and a woman is a woman. There are certain things that women can do that man can't and vice versa. Based on this premise, I'd say no one is superior to the other. However a man should be accorded the respect a man deserves from a woman and a woman too should be accorded her own respect as well. For example, a girl should be the one to cook in the house and serve the boy even if the boy is her junior; similarly a boy should be the one to do all the manual and energy sapping work in the house even if he has a girl that he seniors.

Conclusively, a man is the boss over his wife but that does not make her his slave. They are to love and respect each other mutually. The man should love and adore his wife while his wife should be submissive to him. This is my own opinion.

Thank you. I don't know why this is so difficult to understand. Then again, everyone to his/her own

[quote author=Kevin_II]I will repeat again, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the poster's opinion, except the last sentence if taken literally. And you all know it. The theme of the message is clear and in the right place so you all should stop with the castigation. We all know what she meant - it applies to marriage ultimately, so let's stop pretending like we are trying to correct the poster when it is in fact a case of 'we have found a prey and are teneciously holding it by the neck and won't let go.'
Check out the first few replies. They understood the message and replied in like manner until rokiatu pointed out the last sentence of the post and everyone joined in the butchering. Just spare us the preaching.
Btw, I am deliberately sexist only to half-brained confused feminists who deny the natural order of things cos of their insecurities. Feminism has outlived its purpose cos most modern societal laws are based on equity and recognize to err in favor of the woman and child. We are no longer in the stone ages, cmon![/quote]While trying to be objective and clear headed, you are making the matter worse than it is. My comments are for the public to see so please point out where (as you put it) I 'tenaciously' attacked the 'prey' and 'joined in the butchering'. If there is nothing in my comments that suggest this then what is all the back and forth about?

@Kevin you obviously didn't read the other comments and the poster's message well. The poster's message raised other questions that others are addressing. Of course some went off tangent but I can only say to have discretion and see the main points raised (there's no need for the sexist remark). Start with the title of the thread.

[quote author=Duke_Nija]Finally ehn, everybody(Femme) here just dey yarn rubbish. We all know what happens at home. " Honey can i have my food now? Thank you." [/quote]You just proved the point, lol!

" Honey can i have my food now? Thank you."

Anything less may result in the wife giving him an earful on the proper way to address her. Lol. The man is the head of the home and should lead with love.

This is the point, we need to differentiate between the man-woman and husband-wife paradigm. No woman is inferior to a man but a wife should submit to her husband because he is the head of the home.

When a man who seeks you out from other women stops showing the love he professed endlessly now that you both are a couple. When the man is incosiderate and can't compromise on sensitive issues so that the relationship can be better. Two individuals from different backgrounds can't be the same (no matter that you both think alike or have the same hubbies) so there should be room for compromise and understanding.
A common dating mistake is a guy pressuring the girl for sex in a relationship If a girl says she would like to wait 6 months or a year to get to know you better then respect her wishes. Trust me she will respect you more for that and even surprise you by breaking her rules for you!

One reason for marriage is attraction whether physical or whatever, and love. Once this is set other things follow for me. Almost every person has a checklist with certain features or charateristics they want in a partner (doesn't always fall through but one can hope ) and a deal breaker for the relationship. Family is important to me as well, if I'm going to spend the rest of my life battling for a position in my new family then i will have to seriously think if this guy is worth it and what i'm getting myself into!

The underlying factor here, I feel, is motive. By claiming men are superior or both sexes should be equal what do you want or hope to get out of this? Is it for the egocentric individual to feel they are better or wiser than the other person, Or is it to be a protector and empower the weak? Is it to rebel, or use your God-given gifts/talents for the positives?
I know some religions take women as the weaker sex and I have even read that the word of a man is equal to that of 2 women in bearing witness. The days when women stay locked away at home is past and people need to realise that. The husband is the head of the house and the wife is to submit to him, no doubt, but the husband is obligated to lead with love. To lead, sometimes you have to follow also.
Again it is everyone to his/her own opinion.

We need to clarify a couple of things here. Firstly, A man and a woman are not inferior to each other, and secondly a woman is to be submissive to her husband. As a Christian I believe the husband is the head of the home as God intended it to be. This does not mean that the role of the wife is to be a doormat who doesn't question her husbands decisions or actions, going about her wifely duties with a bowed head and muted lips! The bible says a wife is to be submissive to her husband and the husband to love his wife like himself. If a husband loves (in the true sense) his wife, she will defintely submit to him and vice versa. Note that we have the society's version and the religious version.

Now that that is out of the way, the role of women and wives in 2000AD have changed alot in 2012 and we all know the only thing constant in this life is change. Marriage nowadays is that of partnership where the wife consults with the husband on important decisions and husband the same. Women now occupy positions of power that wasn't possible in the old days, even in muslim countries in the Middle East where women hold seats in Parliament (this is big deal for the muslim community!). Even the catholic Church now have altar girls and female lay ministers/priests. Women are now empowered to lead, some countries have/had women as Presidents.

A man and a woman have different roles because we have different mindsets not because of superiority. Is a man less of a man because he stays home to take care of his own children while the wife is at work? Is a woman less of a woman because she has a very demanding job that doesn't allow her the quality time that she would love to spend with her kids instead? Moms, for instance, who work 2 jobs to keep up with the bills and maintain her family's livelihood.

While i'll respect my husband and never do anything without a proper discussion and decision with him, i will never raise my daughters to believe they are inferior to any man but to respect everyone and know that their husband is the head of the house and in most cases has the last word in important matters. If you believe your husband is making a wrong decision and can't convince him otherwise then let it be but he should defintely know the consequences/impact his decision can have on your lives (after all its a discussion and depends on the matter at hand). God will not judge a wife harshly for being submissive to her husband no matter how difficult, in fact that is what HE wants!

Personally, mutual love, respect and patience is neccessary in a marriage. Between a man amd woman, it should be mutual respect. If its physical strength that makes a man superior then there are some women out there that can outdo a man. If being an emotioanl being makes a woman inferior then there are men out there that are more emotionally unbalanced than some women. But i fear this is something that will never be resolved with so many opinions flying around and will be an ongoing battle for both sexes. Every one and every situation is different. So do whatever works for your relationship whether its a marriage, social gathering or at the workplace.