₦airaland Forum

contracult:
@Ink_nerd

I don't have the time to indulge in a long back and forth about the social mores attached to sex. However, we all know what works and what does not work. We are not talking about some abstract "African society" here. We are talking about Amya a Nigerian girl who is nursing hurt feelings because her "casual sex" partner treated the sex casually. In our own social context, based on our culture and our worldview as Nigerians, casual sex is not a smart thing. I would make bold to say as human beings, regardless of context, it is still not a smart thing. But you are free to belabor that point if you wish. But to the subject at hand - for Amya,  it definitely was not a smart thing.

I still say it boldly - Amya, I am sure you want what we all want - a man who will love, respect and be beholden to you and you alone. If that is your desire, you are sabotaging yourself with your behavior. You need to revalue yourself and act according the new evaluation. Casual sex, in my opinion, tells me that you don't believe you deserve better.

contracult:
@Amya

Your initial description of this relationship does not support what you are now saying : you knew there  was no future in it, no commitments made, no promises, no definitions - Just somebody to talk to and knock boots with. Now you want more. Why should he give you more? He is getting free sex with no financial,  emotional, social  commitment. You don't see anything wrong with that? There is a LOT wrong with it.

contracult:
@Ink_nerd
And you are one of the detached few? LOL! I don't believe you but that is fine.  Everybody should be free to live the way they want, and  make the choices they want. But they must also be ready to pay the price for those choices. There is always a cost to what we choose to do. Amya is paying the emotional price for her choices now. A word is enough for the wise.

contracult:
@ Inked_nerd

In my opinion, casual sex is an oxymoron. There is no such thing - particularly for a woman. Forget the propaganda - its crap! Sex is the most intimate activity you can perform with somebody else. I know that society says that it is okay to divorce it from commitment and all that crap, but it is just that CRAP! There is always an emotional price to pay because it was not designed to be that way. No need for self deceit. It does not work and it will never work because it is not designed to work. You sleep with somebody long enough no matter the "arrangement" with which you started and you will start to catch feelings. That is the way women are designed. So do not set yourself up for failure by trying to cheat nature and indulge in  an arrangement that is destined for failure.

That is what is wrong with casual sex.

vladimiros:
^^^^ Because the Navy seals were all interviewed separately

and the seals where in different rooms so some of them just told what they heard or saw

nothing is fishy

even Osama daughter confirmed he was shot infront of her

why are some people just so ignorant to thinking

sexylogan:
I was thinking the same but if so, why's he not ansrin 'er calls or replyin txts?

^^^Inkie, where hav u bin? Hate to admit it on NL, but I've kinda missed u.

contracult:
GF,
I am not even sure where to start with this. Not to be judgmental or anything of that nature, but you need to think how to stop this sex only thing. Truth is, women are not designed to do that. Do not buy the lie that says that it does not matter, you have sexual needs, just meet them! It does matter because you always leave a little bit of yourself behind with whoever you are sleeping with.  And  now you are emotionally involved with the guy. I won't say that I understand this friends with benefits arrangement because I don't, but you need to look into yourself and wonder why you think it is okay. You need to revalue yourself -regardless of whether or not this situation works out. For you to think that sex with no commitment is okay tells me that there is a lot of stuff going on. You are worth way more than that.

And having read through all the comments on this page, I am saddened. I am sure you are an intelligent girl, yet all the boys see is a sex object.  You are worth waaay more than that. You need to rethink the way you package yourself and how you value yourself.

My 2 cents.

Adecombo:
Its O.K lady, i will not say you are a slut but what happend was not cool at all,i hope you've learnt your lessons.This is not your downfall nor your end of days but a lesson as i said earlier.Dont be a naughty chick again.Adecombo

violent:
why do people always assume that it's the lady that was used anytime a sexual relationship heads southwards? the dude expended his energy as well, No?

and why does it have to be the girl that was "loose" as people sort of assumed?  isn't the relationship between two consenting adults? gosh, it's quite easy to differentiate Nairalanders leaving in caves by merely reading their posts.

I would just say the dude is simply an a'rsehole without ballz, going on facebook to announce a break up of whatever relationship is simply juvenile

apocalypse:
@inkerd
I'm not saying you suggested so but I meant if any lady tells the husband that , actually some ladies will use that line , then she's insensitivy. I know you'll never say a thing like that cos you are much too cultured than that.

ode remo:
under 20. still@uni and struggling.
cant ask him but will add it later to his many debts when he graduated . waiting for that tym.

apocalypse:
@ inkerd
That's harsh mehn , and if she says that it would be insensitivy. A better way would be to say something , ' our wedding picture will look great in that corner where maryann's picture is '. If he recently lost his wife she could give a little time but if it's been like 2 years and over , she has to be subtle and diplomatic about it

xynerise:
^ young lady listen to me, it is only a love-peddler that walks with condom.

xynerise:
wetin that one mean?

iyatrustee:
@ inkerd, abeg leave the man jare. bros feel free to come back to naija jor! here, even if you pack on a wrong place, chances are no body would bother you

ode remo:
can u help twd the payment.? tym is hard , that is my grouse.

Amya:
Yeah it could mean that alright . . . but i just don't know. He called me yesterday and said he actually came to my house that night and didn't see me (I'd gone to my friend's house to sleep as i thought he wasn't coming) He said he didn't call because he didn't have airtime on his phone. Last night, i went to his house went the intention of asking him what he really meant by the FB update. I didn't call to tell him i was coming ( don't usually call him to tell him I'm coming. he never complained, so i kept up) I also wanted to probably see his new love interest. He was alone as always. I lost steam and couldn't say what i had in mind. I stayed for 15 min and told him i wanted to leave, He insisted i stayed a little longer "you just came" he said. So a stayed some more, Saw an episode of the big bang theory and he later saw me off.  He told me he'll bring some mad rock videos he saw to my house today.

I really don't know what to think? Maybe the love interest is long distance? In that case, unless he tells me to my face that he doesn't want to see me again, i don't think i can stop seeing him. As someone said somewhere, he's my spec, and i don't think i can i meet someone like that again.

Amya:
I still wonder why people could be such hypocrites. . . people judging me, calling me cheap like they have better lives. I came here to air my hurt, saying everything as it is.  I Didn't try to draw sympathy to my side making out the relationship to what wasn't, so i stated the facts as they were because i know that's the only way i can get sincere advice that could be actually helpful.

    I'm not really a sucker for committed relationships, because it brings with it so much drama which I'm not yet ready for. So i opted for this arrangement with this dude which actually works well for me. I'll have a companion, have a fulfilling sex life, and a friend to talk to all in one, without having to deal with commitment and all it's entanglement. Please, how does that make me cheap? If you must know, i don't have boyfriends on the side. I wasn't in it for any financial favor, neither was in it for my  emotions. I liked him, lately I fell in love with him, but commitment is still out of it.