₦airaland Forum

@Bagoma and Cushman, thanks once again!!!

Well Seun, heres ur story as promised,
Disclaimer, Any reference to people dead, alive or virtual is purely intentional Oops sorry coincidental!!!!! It is a total creation of the authors creative (?) mind!!!

CHAPTER ONE
Well GET A LOAD OF THIS, my marriage to CADE turned out to be a HIT AND RUN affair, the bitch really HIT me WHERE IT HURTS (my heart) and ONE BRIGHT SUMMER MORNING ran away with my money. It was a SHOCK TREATMENT!!! as I thought she really loved me, but WHY PICK ON ME? Well sooner or later, i will catch up with her, as GOLDFISH HAVE NO HIDING PLACE and since i have AN EAR TO THE GROUND, i figure she has BUT A SHORT TIME TO LIVE, (This sounds familiar no?) Anway I must state once again that I am not BELIEVED VIOLENT.

CHAPTER TWO
BELIEVE THIS YOU WILL BELIEVE ANYTHING, I am going to HAVE A CHANGE OF SCENE once again, this time i am on my way to Naijaland, where i learnt anything goes!!!For a start I am going to smuggle in lots of cash concealed in a COFFIN FROM HONG KONG so as to confuse the EFCC boys!!! THIS IS FOR REAL and YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN!!

CHAPTER THREE
My contact Mal- Olori (MALLORY) picked me up at the airport and took me to a hotel in Ojuelegba, which he told me was the best area for tasting the FLESH OF THE ORCHID, Later that night, I attended a P-Square concert, that was where i saw Sinazy, It was as if MISS SHUMWAY(had) WAVED A WAND over me,the sight of her was hypnotic, she was a hot-angel and had looks that could MAKE THE CORPSE WALK. She was shaking her bizzy body to the beats. I couldnt resist the temptation to talk to her, So i went over and said, "WELL NOW MY PRETTY, wats your name"? She sized me up and said, "YOU MUST BE KIDDING, DO ME A FAVOUR, DROP DEAD"!!!. But i wasn't to be discouraged. As i was on my way back to the hotel, I was accosted by two policemen, "Oga where's your particulars"?, one of them asked, i was speechless and the only thing i could say turned out to be the P-Square lyrics which i had picked up at the club and which were runnung through my mind, it went like this "Oga police, na wetin be dis? U jus dey stress me, dey vex me, which kind yawa be dis"!! The police officers were apparently shocked as one of them yelled, "Ehen, so u think you are smart ehn? This is refamation, i mean defamation and drunk walking!! U must settle us or u go spend the night for cell nonsense"!!! Well since i had THE WORLD IN MY POCKET, that wouldnt be a problem i thought, i brought out some crisp dollar notes, the WHIFF OF MONEY brought them to full attention and i gave them $100 dollars. Emm "HAVE A NICE NIGHT," sir they exclaimed and saluted. Well seems "I HOLD THE FOUR ACES, now" I thought,
"This one na COME EASY GO EASY o"!!! I heard one say to the other,

CHAPTER FOUR
The next day, I saw her again at Nairaland, the local joint, she was the cyncosure of all eyes, mustering up all my courage i went up to her and offered her a drink saying "HAVE THIS ONE ON ME", she accepted it and poured the contents over my shirt, "TELL IT TO THE BIRDS"!!!, she replied. Her action sent an electric shock through my body, somewhat like A HOLE IN THE HEAD!! "WELL THERES ALWAYS A PRICE TAG", I thought, "WHATS BETTER THAN MONEY"?, its just a matter of time, till "when you are mine", i consoled myself.Thats when Bagoma came up to me and said " Sorry about my friends behaviour, a guy once gave her the DOUBLE SHUFFLE, thats why guys to her should be TRUSTED LIKE THE FOX!!!! But you seem such a goodguy so dont worry, i'll put in a good word for you. "YOU MUST BE KIDDING"!! I said, "not at all", she replied, "anyway nice2have spoken to you". Isheun the owner of Nairaland came up to me and apologized "sorry, sometimes it gets rowdy in here, I keep trying to enforce the rules but to no avail!! He handed me a shirt with the inscription "Nairaland rocks" on the front, "TRY THIS ONE FOR SIZE" as yours is ruined, he said. "Thanks", i said "I shall treasure it", anyway do you have a size TREIZE (13) for my soulsista Nike4luv ? Sure he replied, please dont forget to register as a member, you could stand the chance of winning a place in our Top ten Nairalanders promotion and win some great prizes". "Ok", i replied," hey also i really like this your joint, are you willing to sell? A million dollars STRICTLY FOR CASH"? No thanks, he replied, I WOULD RATHER STAY POOR, than sell Nairaland. "Ok", i replied but dont forget, YOU HAVE YOURSELF A DEAL, if you change your mind". "Hmm", thought Isheun, "first, they want my head for being so strict, now they want my job!!!, Seems I will be SAFER DEAD"!!, Anyway Nairaland and I, WE'LL SHARE A DOUBLE FUNERAL!!!

CHAPTER FIVE
SIX MONTHS LATER,
After a lot of follow ups!!!

KNOCK KNOCK, (pounding on my door) WHO'S THERE?,I asked, "Its me Sinazy"!! "Really!!, Well they say THE VULTURE IS A PATIENT BIRD!!!!, I shouted with joy. "And U'VE GOT IT COMING", she smiled, came in and closed the door,
Well the rest is x-rated, so FIGURE IT OUT FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!, but just know that, as I am about to LAY(figure of speech o!!!) HER AMONG THE LILIES, MY LAUGH (still) COMES LAST!!!! Once again!!!!!

THE END
Hahahaha SEUN that was specially for u!!!!!!!!!!!!!