₦airaland Forum

dollypi:
The parents had a dysfunctional marriage and the kids are replicating it unconsciously...those old marriages did not take the "till death do us part" section of their vows lightly...longevity in such a case is not a measure of quality.

You're absolutely right!!

RevenuesBoost:
It's really not cool that your sister had to go through this. I know you had the best intentions for her and easily trusted your friend to make a great husband.

It's a year already,
From the looks of things, there's already another lady in the picture.
Maybe the one the sisters recommend.

Hmmmm...it's his cuppa, he'll lay on the bed he made...

RevenuesBoost:
You're welcome 🤗

Why will a married man be seeking for his older sisters' consent before doing anything in his own marriage?

Who gave him this advice?

He is supposed to be seeking his wife's consent, not his sisters'

I still remember the advice my mother-in-law gave us, "there should be no third party in your marriage"
She said, we shouldn't involve her or any other person in our marital decisions.

Honestly the man's character beat me hollow! Very distressing. He was all lovey dovey before the marriage, immediately after he never discussed again, in her pregnant stage , no care, resorted to insult, always complaining she's not contributing to the house, meanwhile she set up a POS business yet he ran it aground. We later got to understand he wasn't receiving much from his workplace, this he never disclosed to the wife, so much of the time the sisters were giving him cash once a while so he loved to patronise them by being on their side...the situation is hell.
I can tell you the wife has moved to her parents for a year now and the young man hasn't made a move to go there to even plead a case or seek their return...

Angelfrost:
Chai... Na grown ass man dem tie like Okporoko fish for ground?!!

Even most lunatics never experience this kind treatment.


No wonder the Bible said "A good name is more valuable than rubies ".



This disgrace is eternal!

No girl in that town would want to marry him. He can't walk through the town and look straight up, can't enter any shop without being suspected...the list is endless...

LagosOrigin:
Na human being dem tie like goat dey wan roast

What a country

Come make him bend like banana...it's a serious matter!!

Kobojunkie:
So, you took a severally flawed guy expecting that by giving him your sister, somehow her presence would magically change him into a better individual?

Nothing changed him...no effort, no trying to muster even the slightest...just pride and extreme foolishness...honestly
I'd known him over 8 years before this and no indication of the characters he displayed. As the saying goes, unless you live with someone before u know who they really are

RevenuesBoost:
It isn't your fault, appearance is deceiving.
You won't know a person fully, until you live with that person.
Some men see Marriage Seminars as waste of time.

Meanwhile, it's to help prepare their minds for the journey ahead.

The truth is, some men were raised poorly, and they end up being the reason behind their failed marriages.

Thanks for the encouraging words. Yes the deception was high. And yes, we later realised he was raised poorly and needs consent from his older sisters to do anything...in fact all his older sisters are either out of marriage or nearly out of it! Meanwhile their parents marriage lasted till old age!! What an irony

RevenuesBoost:
Marriage Is Not for the Weak, Selfish, or Irresponsible Man

Let’s speak truth:

You can marry beauty.
You can marry loyalty.
You can marry a woman with a heart of gold.

But if you’re immature, emotionally lazy, or careless with her trust—
You didn’t marry a wife. You took advantage of a gift you weren’t ready to receive.

Because most marriages don’t fall apart from the outside—
They fall when the man inside the house stops showing up fully.


1. WEAK MEN AVOID HARD THINGS

A weak man shuts down in conflict.
Avoids tough conversations.
Runs from responsibility.

He calls her “emotional” when she just wants clarity.
He calls her “too much” when she just needs effort.

A real man leads with humility, not ego.
He doesn’t just provide—he protects emotionally, spiritually, and mentally.

If pressure makes you disappear, you’re not leading—you’re escaping.



2. SELFISH MEN DRAIN THEIR WIVES

Marriage is not a one-way street.

If you expect peace but bring chaos…
If you demand respect but give none…
If you want her to submit while you do nothing worth following—
You’re not a husband. You’re a tyrant in disguise.

A selfish man wants a servant, not a soulmate.
But a great man? He lifts, leads, and listens.

Marriage requires sacrifice. If you're not ready to give, don’t expect to receive.




3. IRRESPONSIBILITY KILLS SECURITY

A woman can handle tough seasons.
She can handle less money, long hours, even failure.

What she can’t handle is instability—
– Financial recklessness
– Broken promises
– No vision, no plan, no consistency

Her respect dies the moment she realizes she has to carry what you keep dropping.

Responsibility isn’t glamorous—but it’s godly.
If you can't be trusted with pressure, don’t ask her to follow your lead.




4. MARRIAGE REQUIRES CHARACTER—NOT JUST CHARM

Being good to her when things are easy is the bare minimum.

Real character shows when: – She’s struggling
– You’re frustrated
– Life gets hard

If your first instinct is to withdraw, blame, or cheat—
You're not ready to lead. You're not even ready to love.

Marriage isn’t about control. It’s about commitment.
And that takes more than a smooth tongue and good intentions.




Final Thought: Women Don’t Leave Because They’re Cold—They Leave Because They’re Exhausted

Fellas:
If you think love is maintenance-free,
If you treat submission like superiority,
If you demand loyalty but give instability—
You’re not ready for marriage.

Because a woman doesn’t need a perfect man.
She needs a consistent one.
One who protects, provides, and pursues—with humility and honor.

If leadership to you means dominance—not service—
You don’t want a wife.
You want a servant.

And that’s not marriage—it’s manipulation.



Marriage is for men—not boys in grown-up clothes.
Show up.
Take responsibility.
Lead in love.
And build something worth keeping.

Have a blessed day.



Note: This write-up focuses primarily on men. Check out my thread for the perspective on women.

https://www.nairaland.com/8516244/wwww-marriage-not-unteachable-combative

Everything said here just tailor fits one guy i connected to one of my sisters...I regret that move till tomorrow!!
Matchmaking is not what I'm going to do again ever!!

It doesn't take long for me to attach a nickname to your tail once I know you.
My kids: Bambino Royale, Joe 90, Tiny Dancer.
My friends Rex(call him Wrecks your Effects), Glory glory Hallelujah, cool runner, mulatto, Ellaminator, Air Shogo(could nip any ball in the air), captain marvel(Marvel is his name), Bird nest(his beard looks like one) Faringdon kuda!
Dem too plenty...I just need to know you shortly...dazzol....nickname go follow you

calabaman:
Hello,

This is somewhat funny but as a part time educator I understand.

Imagine a student you are dictating to writing on their class notes... "FULLSTOP" rather than the actual punctuation mark "."

Can be quite annoying, but I guess it is what it is.

Please be patient with madam and calmly explain an obvious direction.

Sorry man.

Thanks sir! I don't take it to heart, I understand women to an extent now...thanks for the encouragement

Silentgroper:
Wetin you dey do with car at 17..

Sometimes life throws you into the deep end of. I was 17 and 4 months, dad forced to terminate his work, left home to search for alternative opportunities, I'd just left school, had to take the car, learn quickly then a month later was hitting the road to earn cash for the house...no event, no history!

calabaman:
When teaching someone something be you the husband or whoever.

You just have to be PATIENT

Thank you! And you need 125% of it and more! I taught my wife to drive, no shouting even though she deserved it! How can you ask what direction to turn a steering wheel? Even when I got an automatic drive for her she told me she thought automatic meant the car could imagine your thoughts and take initiative!! I never raised my voice...
15 years on she now "corrects" me when I'm behind the wheel, then with a cold voice I warned her to desist!
I also taught my 3 children how to cycle 🚲...from childhood! For that one they're better than me cos I still don't ride hands free!! Something even my daughter can!!

AmazingELixir:



Congratulations to him....he made a grand entrance into the afterlife.

On appearing at the pearly gates, he will be in SHOCK to hear he's not allowed in!!!

DeepSight:
I dont think even the theft of even several cars merits 20 years.

Well, that's how it goes there. 18 year old citizen was jailed 10 years for theft of less than 10k cedis...I was shocked...

DeepSight:
20 years is excessive for theft of a vehicle.

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Wasn't just one theft unfortunately they were being monitored for a long time and seen they had stolen several cars and this led to the last in which they didn't escape...too bad.
BTW, it's common to hear such harsh sentences in Ghana, for some crimes one may perceive as small....

Immatex:
You must give the tenant notice to quite 6 months before expiration of his rent not after expiration of his rent.

Otherwise wicked tenants will abuse the loophole in the existing law to stay in your house free.

Currently have one who's used his disability (blindness) to abuse the period he's meant to stay!
At the renewal of his tenancy I informed him in writing there's no renewal after the current one he's to pay is ended...
Several reminders later and the rent expired in July, he's now quoting laws upandan...now lawyer is waiting for the extra 3 months he awarded himself to expire...the the law will take its course. Lawyer said he must pay.

Talkisneeded:
The whole purpose of a language is to communicate,if you desire perfect command of English,go and meet Soyinka and his peers

Alright...but I'm sure you won't write poor English and pass your exams!

The grammar self dey mourn! How do you HEALED from LOOSING a LOVE one?

Hmmmm...content creation should contain better content....

engineerboat:
I think you are the one hiding your head in hearsay with no evidence, but what you hear someone, that hear from some, that said someone said, isn't that?

Now read slowly what you quoted.

Hearsay?? Hearsay you say?? Anyway, long and short of these whole thing is that the doctrine of man has always existed and it's not surprising. I'll leave out other details...

engineerboat:
Can you show with Evidence where he said that Mr.

Oga, he said it many years ago, but if you're looking for hard evidence let me say that you're deliberately hiding your head in the sand. First, if he didn't say it, and suppose someone else whispered it and people started following it, it's up to him to stamp it out, so if it's been so for over 40 years that I know about it then he said it!

engineerboat:
Ignorance often leads to issue.

It a gone issue though but You would have asked from them did they hear from Pastor Kumuyi Directly, their response would have change this your view.

What Pastor kumuyi said was People should be disciplined enough to control what they feed their eye with.

His emphasis is on self discipline

He gave an illustration : You have a program to attend let say Sunday morning 9am, You're watching a movie or something else, then 9am its not ended, you will then say, let me wait a few seconds few seconds another program, and that will also affect your other activities.

My brother stop defending a situation everyone knew! He told them no TV or radio and everyone followed...few rebelled and soon the law was relaxed to allow members have it so as to listen and watch his telecasts and radio programmes...we are well aware of everything...

ednut1:
How can humans allow another human dictate for them on how to live theirs lives. Something that is not even in the bible. Nawa o. For years people who were not compatible not know themselves were getting married. This kind end time church ehn

Many lived in loveless marriages and frustration just to please so called men of god!! Had someone challenged this the response would have been the person is challenging God's word!!
That's how the TV and radio thing also went!

Stephen0mozzy:
As "Socrates" said in 1978.... Try to marry a woman who is crazzie about you sha. Also boost your seduction game... Work out, even if na daily jogs, smell good steady.

If she constantly sees you dripping, she wouldn't want you taking all that hotness out. She'll want to keep what's hers.

This applies to wives too. Oh, never beg for sex.

I'm feeling the art of seduction has waned so much in relationship these days. Even if you're an Olympic athlete, doesn't pull much as it's only if gifts are showered she'll consider you for the game!
Forgotten that it's when there's danger she snuggles close? When danger is averted she flees, her next appearance is when there's a threat, and she's all snuggles again....I might be wrong...

Juliearth:
Reminds me of the movie " the brothers grimsby"

Brothers Grimm I'm sure you mean.
And ah, was a grim night for United...

SAMBARRY:
oga rest.you are not a woman. You don't have womb or vagina, you don't menstruate or deal with hormonal issues so if you're not happy that she's a mother, if her new motherhood status is paining you, it will pain you till die.shes now a mother an there's nothing you can do about it .stop getting angry at others celebration and if you want to use panadol for tokes headache ride on

Stop sweating oga, is it your pregnancy? Or you're hoping to be the nanny, or babysitter? Haha!!

SAMBARRY:
ok so wetin make she do as she no see husband? Why does everything a woman does angers some of you? As she no see wedding shey make she no experience the joy of motherhood again? Some of you are so impossible

I think you are the impossible one here, who's preventing her from getting married? Did we say she should not experience motherhood? All we are saying is, don't feel you're going to defy the norm so easily, it's going to be an uphill task!

autoez:
Many modern women are choosing to have children without fathers. They seem to believe that providing financial luxury is all that matters for their kids. They don't know, this could lead to raising children who miss out on the benefits of balanced parenting. The emotional challenges a child may face, seeing others with two loving parents, can be disorienting. Many of you reading may dismiss my perspective, but I believe many understand where I'm coming from.

Anyone who hasn't understood your perspective has not opened his eyes to see what's happening with the black community in places like the USA! Many single mothers roaming around leaving "fatherless" children going down the road to perdition!
Some say we're "hating" on a successful woman! Hmmmmm...I smile in Xhosa!

QuinModah:
I get your point, but honestly, it’s not just about giving children phones early and monitoring them. The truth is, no parent can fully know what their kids are doing on a phone all the time children are often two steps ahead when it comes to gadgets.

Taking a phone away doesn’t always create a “vacuum”; sometimes it actually gives room for a child to focus on healthier habits, social skills, and values without being glued to screens. Not every child who delays getting a personal phone grows up behind in tech, many catch up quickly once given access, and often use the tools more responsibly.

Also, forcing siblings to share a single phone may only breed resentment, secrecy, and competition among them. It might be healthier to delay personal ownership until each child shows responsibility and maturity.

At the end of the day, technology will always keep evolving. What matters most is timing and balance—ensuring kids are emotionally and mentally ready before giving them access, instead of rushing because of fear they’ll be “left behind.”

Thanks for the response...I think it's all good...we pray for our children to be useful and dedicated to good virtues and morals.

Onegai:
I'm not a fan of gadgets but it's not the gadgets causing the mass failure of Nigerian students. Finland, South Korea, America, China and Japan are all gadget-heavy users and the average 15 yr old there is better educated than even a 20 yr old Naija university student (go and verify, we're in deep soup).

Our society is so broken, it's ridiculous.

We have NO morals: parents will literally bribe schools to make sure their kids pass exams;

Our Educational curriculum is so backwards (honestly we should really stop graduating kids from at least 60% of STEM courses);

Private schools are too plentiful and are a BUSINESS (which means kids rarely get failed)

Then add on the distraction of gadgets= recipe for disaster.

The issues in WAEC and JAMB have been growing steadily for at least 2 decades and the brain drain has made it worse (I can't tell you how heartbreaking it was to see some of the best teachers and lecturers I knew leave Nigeria to be replaced by less competent persons).

And it's not going to get better.

So get your kids a smart device and do something even better: sit down with them and use that device for deep learning.

Because your kids aren't learning anything in school.

I love your last statement...kids aren't learning much in school, and honestly when I see tutorial on YouTube etc on maths science and other subjects I begin to wish these were available to me when I was younger too!

QuinModah:
“This Is Why Our Children Are Failing WAEC”

I always say this with my full chest 💯 — no child of mine will get a gadget at an early stage, and no child will ever dictate to me how to raise them. I’m African — blood hot, brain correct — and I’ve seen enough to know where this road leads.

I didn’t come to this decision by accident o. I learnt the hard way. My own teenage sister lives with me. When she first came, I gave her freedom — gave her a phone to feel among. But before I knew it, this girl turned into someone I could barely recognize 😔.

She wouldn’t sleep at night. Instead, she was always online, in secret teenage groups watching adult content, sharing inappropriate pictures of herself to boys. I almost ran mad. I cried. I blamed myself. I took that phone and made a law in my house:
No child under my roof will own a phone until they finish secondary school. Period.

Some people around me think I’m too strict. In fact, they’re now telling me to give my 16-year-old niece a phone.
Phone ke? Even when we tried giving her a small button phone, it still became wahala! The girl doesn’t act her age. Always behaving like a 1-year-old with no sense of responsibility.

But let’s call a spade what it is. Look at the WAEC results that just came out — pure disaster for so many students. Why? Because most of them are more active on TikTok and Telegram than they are in their schoolbooks.
They know how to “soft launch” and snap perfect selfies but can’t spell simple words in English or solve basic math.

Yes, society has changed — smartphones are now used for everything. But at what cost?
The line between usefulness and destruction is very thin for these kids, and sadly, many parents are too tired or too distracted to draw that line.

Until we wake up and take back control, this failure trend will continue.
WAEC will keep reflecting not just academic weakness, but parenting failure. And guess who suffers the most? The children.

Depends on value system. My children have always had phones from childhood and all they do I'm aware of!
Keep engaging them on things that will build them and pray along with them, your own values will impact on them.
I'm sorry your niece put you in a spot, but taking away the phone indefinitely will create a vacuum she would fill when the time comes and she will do so too quickly.
Gadgets are changing continuously don't let your children be left behind thinking they will catch up suddenly...you can let them have only one to share among themselves...that way no one can have monopoly and engage in silly vices.
Best wishes

lordm:
Russia's greatest love machine.

Rasputin the bad man

Ooooh those Russians!