₦airaland Forum

mascot87:
He is a Nigerian promoted to the rank of colonel. His he carrying an Igbo passport?

Jaspernubi:
Corona Virus eventually made a sleeping Dullards acts, Banning US from entering Nigeria is a big backhand slap for United State
But Let us tell ourselves the truth, What will a US citizen or German or Brit come and do in Nigeria under an illiterate President who sleep 24 Hours in Aso Rock Practicing Nepotism and notorious for cluelessness

ladyGKilaBCrueD:
looks like perruzi

Culin:
Chelsea is loosing? This one is obviously not watching.

chide1000:
I'm 36 and my girlfriend is ten years younger than myself. I have had three long-term relationships previously, but I am her first partner. We have been together for almost three years, and lived together now for six months. We usually get along well, and while we are very different in some ways, we have things in common too - like a shared sense of humour and openness to converse on a range of topics and hear each other out. I am very easygoing, not an extrovert but more so than her - I can talk to anyone and enjoy joking around a lot and pushing boundaries in my humour. I am relatively easy breezy, and I don't tend to sweat the small stuff. My partner values kindness above all else, and while she is extremely polite and thoughtful (more so than I am) she does sweat the small stuff, is more introverted, quiet, and experiences anxiety on a much higher level than I do whenever we have a fight.

Sort of relevant for context: My parents have been married for 40 years and I grew up seeing them fight occasionally (sometimes screaming matches) but they are still married, and happily so. They are best friends. Her parents divorced when she was young and she doesn't really know why. Her mother remarried a few years ago and has a very happy second marriage and they never ever fight. We have had our share of problems from the beginning of our relationship but have managed to push through them, but they periodically rear their head. We can go long periods (months) without having a fight, but then suddenly will experience a period of a few months (like the period we are in now) where we have a disagreement about twice a week. The fights go like this: I notice my girlfriend is upset; I ask her what's wrong; she refuses to tell me; I have to push and push to get it out of her; she tells me and I don't agree or like what she's upset about; I feel attacked and defend myself; we go around and around in circles until it gets heated, I get angry, she cries and then questions whether we are suitable for each other. After two years together my girlfriend broke up with me because she said she was having anxiety from all the fights we were having. She said she didn't think the amount of fighting was normal in a relationship. We were apart for two weeks, but decided to give it another try eventually.

I don't think that we fight much by ordinary standards, and we never yell or scream or abuse each other. But they are frustrating, anxiety and stress inducing and end with her in tears, so I want to fix them.

The key to understanding our difficulties, I think, is what we fight about. She moved in with me six months ago. We live in a big house with three other house mates and have the downstairs to ourselves which is nice for space. Initially in our relationship we would fight about my friendships with other girls, and this has been the common theme. Most recently it is usually fights about my relationship with one of the other house mates. I will call her Rose. Rose and I get along very well (as friends). Rose is an attractive girl, but I am not attracted to her. I only have eyes for my girlfriend. My girlfriend has developed somewhat of an issue with Rose, but Rose has no idea. Rose is very nice, extroverted, chatty and her and I get a long superbly as friends. We enjoy each other's company. I don't see her much though - perhaps half an hour per day while cooking in the kitchen. My girlfriend likes Rose too and tells me this. My girlfriend says that she knows Rose and I aren't flirting, but she can just 'sense' something in the air and that we are both flirtatious people by nature. It began with her accusing me of staring at Rose inappropriately when Rose bent over to pick something up. This shocked me and I certainly didn't think I had done that. Whats more she said Rose deliberately bent over in front of me in order to entice me to look at her, when she could have kneeled down instead as that's what my girlfriend would have done. I thought this was going a bit far. Another time we went out for dinner with a large group of people, including Rose, and during the dinner my girlfriend told me I was looking at Rose too much. I really didn't think I was. Lately, If I go upstairs to make food or a cup of tea, when I get back my girlfriend will accuse me of taking too long up there and ask me what the hell I was doing, then we have a fight about that - sometimes I just like to hang out and have a chat with my house mates (not just Rose but the others too). And then there are the other fights - recently when she was upset and I was asking her what was wrong apparently I looked at myself in the mirror and adjusted my hair while asking her. This led to her telling me I wasn't genuine in asking how she was as I was focused on the mirror instead (I had just taken off my hat and the mirror was beside me while I was talking to her, and we had a big fight about that.

On another occasion, she said she was having such anxiety in her chest about me interacting with Rose, that could I please limit the amount of time I spend in the communal areas of the house? We had a big fight about that. I thought that was really unfair and controlling. She later backtracked on that and said she would never try to control me like that. Last nights fight sums up what usually happens quite well. It was Valentines Day - I had bought her some gifts, a nice card, and made her dinner. We spent a couple of hours together, then I went upstairs to make a cup of tea for myself. Then I sat outside in the cool evening air for half an hour. At one point Rose came outside for 30 seconds to check the temperature as she was going out and was deciding what to wear. We talked for ten seconds. My girlfriend then called me on my phone and asked could I come back inside to spend more quality time together. When I went back in I could immediately see on her face something was wrong (huge mood change from when I left). She asked me why the hell I stayed upstairs for half an hour, and she could see Rose "prancing around in front of me in her outfit". I disagreed, felt attacked, like I had done nothing wrong at all, and that she was reading the situation entirely differently to what had actually happened. We had a big fight and she started saying "there are guys out there I could be with who wouldn't treat me the way you do" AND "I don't deserve to be this upset, it isn't fair" as she was crying. She also said "it sends the message you would rather hang out with her or by yourself on Valentines Day than with me" and "it's embarrassing for me, because our house mates will be thinking there are problems in our relationship because we are not downstairs together on Valentines Day." I am used to this now, but I was a bit stunned, because in my mind all that had happened was that I stepped outside for a cup of tea for half an hour and I barely even saw Rose.

And then there are the times that she accuses me of looking at a girl on a bus when I'm not, or if I Google an actress on my phone it's an act of sneaking away to do something I shouldn't, or if I happen to look twice at a girl in the street she shuts down and won't talk to me for twenty minutes. For the record, I have two sisters and lots of close female friends, and all of them would agree that I am not the type to oggle women at all, though I will openly say I think a woman is attractive (like an actress or someone we know) but I will say that about a man being handsome too. I don't think that should be a problem. These things occur maybe on average once or twice a month, but since moving in with me and being around Rose, it has been weekly and is getting a bit much. It has gotten to the point where I am constantly microscoping my own behaviour - psychoanalysing myself - in case I might be doing something wrong that will upset her. I'm wondering if I've talked to this girl for too long, if I've looked too much, careful to avert my eyes, don't make her laugh too much, have I been upstairs for too long, what's too long, is 15 minutes ok? It's not healthy for me. We love each other though, and we we are not in this conflict mode we can go long periods without any trouble. I have suggested we go to counselling. She has agreed and says she wants to try and fix it too, but she also sometimes says she thinks we are just too different and there would be guys out there who would instinctively just know not to do all the things wrong that I do.

We've booked a counsellor for next week. Do you think it will help us? What do you think the problem is here? Am I not being sensitive enough to her needs and feelings? I feel torn between standing up for myself and not saying "yes dear, sorry dear" every time there's a problem, but also wanting to set her mind and heart at ease and make her feel better as well. I do love her.

PS. Obviously this is just a big list of our problems, but largely the relationship is a happy one. Just lately it hasn't been and I would like to get back to that good place. Any help/advice/perspective will be appreciated. Sorry for the length!

25tolife:
man of wisdom,sense will nt kill u! .uar thinking like me fam.

xendra:
you just proved yourself a mumu-man

wrong time to take her virginity, now she can go screw any dick and harry and bring it back to you.

you should have left her like that if she really loves you she knows you have to be the one to take that virginity so she is stuck, she cant screw nobody else.

Kobicove:
I know the reason

sarrki:
This alone can demoralized the troops at war front

The ineptitude and I don’t care attitude towards national issue of Pmb government gave rise and compounded our security and other matters

He’s the only one not to be blame if anything bass happened

Only the one to be praised if good things happen

Mr President your performance is total abysmal

Which commander will remain in Ethiopia after the Maiduguri carnage yesterday

Buhari failed God and Humanity

WiLdFLame:
Juniad should shut up

The north can play politics with Boko Haram and billions of Naira is taken from us to develop your lands right? Why we Southwest can’t set up a community policing to wade off criminals?

Go and warn your people that the Southwest won’t tolerate any notoriety either from the Fulani herdsmen, IPOBS or any of our neighbors taking our hospitality for granted!!

isthatso:
your[b] 2 million brave warriors [/b]

are in their graves and 60 years later you are still pyschologically scarred.

There is bravery and there is stupidity. We dont make noise for noise sake. If and when there is time to fight you will see the courage of the yoruba man. Read Agbekoya riots or the british Ijebu wars for example.


and we dont take N500 to carry placard and stage fake protests

solmusdesigns:


only jobless people stay at ojota to count heads, Yorubas are at work, thats why we have lowest poverty rate and least unemployment rate

If you like shout Cowards oo, if you like shout anything, yorubas are not chest beating with anyone or measuring dicks, we are simply securing our life, so your opinion remains just your opinion

.

AroleOduduwa2:
They are at their respective work places, we Yoruba don’t laze around. Thanks

itsme01:
yahoo takes inteligence and sophistication that some people lack.. this isnt trading or hawking galla

wizflame:
keep her as side chick fvck her good but have your main woman at the other hand so that anytime the bitch want to screw with you due to the fact that the other guy is back just let her go and if she comes back the cycle continues

aurevoir

netflicks:
Fraud of the highest level... Imagine Nigeria popular paying N35 on every single atm withdrawal from other banks... na wa oo

shugaboy6102:
This is my story and I will appreciate if the mods can push it to front page so that others can read and learn from me, and I also need your honest comments and advice because you could be saving a drowning man.

I Am 29 years of age, a civil engineer by profession and a sanguine by temperament. Before my youth service @ age 24 I got my girl friend pregnant and I was scared of abortion so we decided to keep the baby with the full support of my mother and she agreed because I was an only son. After that, we proceeded to see her people with my mum and relatives to my girl friends village and [b][color=#000000]we paid something on her hea[/color]d [/b]but didn't complete the whole traditional right, but this was not even the traditional wedding proper.

After that we saw ourselves as husbands and wife and we were living fine for sometime. After sometime, the relationship took a different turn as we were always fighting and didn't agree on even the slightest matter. I remember vividly one occasion we fought over a female colleague @ work who sent me a whatsapp message and why we fought was that she came to my work place and fought the young lady openly embarrassing me in the process in front of everyone.

There were times I would try to reconcile but she would blatantly refused, sometimes she will tell me she is fed up of this thing we call marriage and that she's looking for someone that I too should look for someone else.

Fast-forward I met a lady and one thing led to another and I started picking interest in her. It was never my intention to be with another woman but I don't have peace of mind and I feel I am loosing my mind.

Note: I haven't wedded in a church before or done a full traditional marriage. Here comes the question: would it be considered a divorce if I quit this union and marry this new lady?

I am full of unhappiness and pain and I don't want to live a life of endurance and pity. Pls nobody should pressure you into getting married, marriage is not a license to live a happy life. If you are single, I envy you.

Solowande:
How come Nairaland no post the rumour death. Any rumour or fake news Nairaland no carry, that one na fake news?

bookiesondebt:
Here is my question.....
Kindly take note of these points
1)You said it was during the biafrian war which happen in the mid 1963 1967
2) The op claim the father is 69 years old mathematically he was born in 1950.Therefore he was 13 during the war apparently a child soldier.
3)At 13,So you are telling me he is married already..is that it?.
Cos how can the Gabon returnee knows the number of the wife since he hasn't been home since God knows when..?

zinaunreal:
Guy a 69 year old would still be a kid in the war not even able to pick up a riffle

DEHVEHLOP:
Bad guy!







See finishing

DEHVEHLOP:
My people won't stop to disappoint...











Afonja