₦airaland Forum

IamKizzbrown10:
SUNDAY BANGER �����

1. Nothing confuses a married man like a beautiful young lady asking him if he is married, the man will be like... " NOT EXACTLY"���

2. A guy said ladies are like recharge cards that are used and thrown away, then I asked him "which network is ur mum? He's been angry with me since yesterday ���...Thunder fire you�

3. Being hated is not something new to me. I once appeared on the list of noise makers when i was absent from school.�

4. Four years in the university studying theater Art, all you could do is to fan the igwe�

5. Dear friends, I advise you to marry a girl who can cook, because love dies, Beauty fades but hunger remains constant.��

6. Abeg Who made the law of buying bread when returning from a journey?��

7. You bought super glue of N50 just to gum N20 note�... Abeg where the sense go?��

8. Post Wrong Spelling On Facebook, You Will See Unemployed Teachers�

9. Some people are just devils, they will be calling you on phone, and at the same time praying that you do not answer the call��

10. Respect people who chew chicken bones until it turn into powder! These people are capable of killing without evidence. I salute them!

11. It's not all about having a pretty face. The question is, does it correspond with the colour of your legs.? Ladies come and answer��

12. You gain admission you post it.. going to lectures you post it.. writing exam you post it.. Result is out, we no hear from you again!�

13. In a new environment, the first person to become ur friend is likely to become an enemy later on, so limit the amount of information u pass on to them about u, cuz it can be used against u�

14. Imagine dating a girl who breaks sugar cane with her knee�‍️�

15. Have you ever visited your neighbor and they offered you food but you refused, hoping that they will ask you for the second time, but they didn't��

16. If you are dating a stingy guy, buy yourself gifts and tell your friends he did it. Your fake friends will steal him and suffer too. ��

17. Don't let those who wear fancy clothes to pose daily on Facebook deceive you... Most of them are dry cleaners��

18. Ugly people will see you and frown their faces as if u knew something about their creation...Nonsense���

19. How old were you when you realized that PANTS means "Precious Assets Needs Tight Security "?�� Wisdom will kill me one day�

20. Nobody is more careful than a guy chatting a new girl he's toasting� for the first time; He will even go to the dictionary to confirm the spelling of "ARE"��

21. If you hear what people say right before they pick your call or immediately they end the call... You would stop the friendship��

22. Some men will be booking expensive hotels just to do the same thing they do at home for 5 mins. Just be wasting money�

23. When you marry a good wife, even to eat outside will look like adultery to you. ���

24. The odour from some girls armpit can make you smell your own armpit for fresh air��

25. If u want to look like an idiot, then avise a girl that is in love�

26. I opened my biscuit and you are throwing your chewing gum away��... You better pick it��

27. Some guys are in the wrong relationship because of nyash����

28. Some guys are very successful because they have more than one girl praying for them, prayer points from different locations�

29. How can you have a broke sugar daddy? What a waste of sin���

30. In Africa it's easy for your relatives to put money together to bury you, but difficult to raise money to help you reach your goals.��

WHICH NUMBER GOT YOU LAUGHING HARD ?
������

Appreciate by commenting IT not easy at all
�������

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temitope27:
Squeeze him until his blood gonna dry?
Guess you didn't see Jokes there








This aunty is really mad already

Spencerchiboy:
How

Lindner:
Long story!!

In an interview, I was asked to narrate a really tensed sitiation and how I navigated it.

I remembered my NYSC days, I lived inside Letmauck Cantonement, Mokola Barracks, Ibadan. Year was 2008.

The wife of an Army Officer( a Major) hired me to tutor their three young kids after school. Unknown to me, it was the woman that needed tutoring on how to read English(she couldn't read nor write). She spoke only pidgin.

We agreed the fees (weekly), and I started. She would later open up to me that she needed tutoring as well. For a relatively long time, I didnt meet the Major himself. I would have left before he returned from work. I was a teacher at St Luis Grammar school just behind the barracks.

Long story short, I started teaching the woman too after she increased my weekly fee. But I noticed the woman would rather gist with me than learn. Being a student of emotional intelligence myself, I reckoned she needed someone to gist with in that ghostly environment like the Officer's Quaters. A full time house wife and in that environment. The other end of the barrack where soldiers ans corpers live was more fun and populated . As long as I was paid, we would gist all afternoon. We soon became friends. I even stopped teaching the kids. They were super sharp, intelligent, restless and troublesome. But every Friday, she never missed my payment.

One faithful Friday afternoon, the Major came home early, that was the first time I ever saw his face. I rightly assumed all the money I was being handsomely paid came from him since the wife was a full house wife.

I stood up to greet him but I couldn't tell if he was angry, sad or just being his military self. He didn't bother to respond, he just went upstairs. His wife followed him immediately.

After about 15 minutes, he came back to join me. He asked how much I was being paid, I told him. He asked if his wife mentioned why she needed to learn how to read, I told him I assumed it was for self improvement. Meanwhile, I had been collecting money weekly for several weeks and this woman could not read jack. We would rather chat, gist and laugh.

The Major went to the TV area and gave me a card, it was their wedding invitation card in 2 weeks time. He mentioned that they never got married before the kids. In short, at the wedding, the woman would be required to read a long vow or something like that. It was a Methodist or Anglican church along Bodija.

He said, given his status both in the church and in the army, he must not be embarrassed by his wife's inability to read. That was the whole reason for the lesson that we turned into chatting sessions. He said it was mandatory that I attended to witness the result of my tutoring. The whole conversion lasted for about 10 minutes and it sounded more like subtle threats and one man trying to dominate another man.

How did the woman not mention her wedding and the real reason she was learning how to read? How could I make her read in two weeks? Should we just memorize the whole text of the program? My mind started racing. I lived at the other end of the barracks, the Major knows where I worked as well. No way I could escape. I had collected a lot of money already and I was 100% certain he would be embarrassed on that day.

I did what I could in two weeks. Attending the wedding for me was like a cow going to the slaughter. My heart was pounding and was literally in my mouth. I knew the woman could not still read even after practicing the texts many times.

It was a beautiful military wedding. I sat at the back, then two guys came and said something like "O boy, oga say make we sit beside you". Which oga? They said "Major". I knew I was in deep shit. Prior to that time, a corper colleague had to be locked up in the guard room for dating a soldier's sister. Ordinary soldier. This was a Major about to be embarrassed in front of his friends, colleagues, juniors and church members. Of course, he wouldn't beat his wife, I figured I would carry all the blame and possibly return every penny I collected.

Sitting through the wedding was the most tensed period of my entire adult life. Gruelling 3 hours!. Second was waiting for my HIV test result. Of course, she fumbled, woefully at that. It was a disaster. That moment you want to hide under the seat. The officiating minster had to take charge of the situation to save face. I'm sure he wasn't aware.

As they where matching out of the church through the guards or what do they call them. Those guys that carry sticks and couples pass under them. I was seriously looking at the Major's face. His facial expression would inform me of my likely fate. His face was always expressionless but today, it was important to read those expressions so as to know my next line of action. Either to pick the next available bus back to my state and never return or something like that. But again, there's the problem of the soldiers beside me.

Conclusion.

The Major didn't have my time on that day, I guess he was occupied with the guests and all. I got lost in the crowd but never returned home directly. I slept at a colleagues room like 10 blocks away from ours. I could remember, ours was block 36 Engineering block. The soldiers sent to sit next to me also probably didn't know the reason and we all dispersed. My room mate and other corper colleagues that knew the background were waiting for the full gist of what happened. That night, I was waiting for that "gulf 3" visit. Gulf car was reigning at the time. They used gulf to pick you up to treat unofficial f**k ups.

The next day, I received a call from the Major's wife to come down to the Officer's Quarters. She didn't thank me for attending the wedding or for my tutoring or say anything that I could draw conclusions on about the mood of the situation. I was too paralysed to even congratulate her. Why would she be the one to call me given what happened at the wedding? I had heard all sorts of stories about what happens in the guard room, true or untrue, I never wanted to experience any of it. I put myself in the Major's shoes. No man should experience what he passed though in those few minutes at the altar. The Church became very quiet. Some people could not even look up.

Approaching the building, I saw the Major and one of the soldiers from yesterday and behold, the Gulf car!!.

I went straight down on my knees and then on my chest, flat on the floor in public view. My colleague had told me that was the only way I could lessen my punishment. But the Officer's Quaters was too quiet and lonely to gain any public pity and possibly help. The Major looked confused. I started apologizing and promised to even refund him. His kids (2 boys, 1 girl) started laughing.

The wife came out laughing as well, but in her hands was what I would later find out to be cake wrapped in those aluminium foils for me. The Major and the soldier just looked at me as if I was less of a man, rolling on the floor without even being accused of anything yet. Apparently, the Gulf car belonged to the soldier. The poor man was not even angry at me. I died multiple times throughout the night thinking about what evil was about to befall me. But all was just in my mind.

The wife would later tell me that she warned her husband before the Wedding not to waste his money on tutoring her. She felt she was hopeless at education.

MufasaLion:
Give me proof of the bolded or shut the hell up!

Righteousness2:
Bro, If you refuse to yield to this Messages you call terrorizing, a day is coming when you wish to play back the time and do the Needful.but it will be Late.

There are People at this very moment in Hell, that will give anything to be terrorized with these Messages. But alas it is too late.
Are you the one that put them in hell?

There are People who have died and made Heaven due to what we do here.
There are also people have died and are in Hell now after they refused to yield to what we preach.
Nairaland is a record on the side of Eternity for many people.

Chachamiliano:
If you watch the video very well, you will notice familiar faces, friends and colleagues and all started with a round of applause for him. The truth is giving farewell speech is always emotional no matter how strong hearted you are, something, someone or memories will bring you to tears. Beside he offered a 50% wage cut what other sacrifice can be harder than that?

Chachamiliano:
What is simple there? Are you wishing him growth or backward? Will Barca increase his wage if he is not productive? Why should he sacrifice for the club? Messi was an investment that paid off for them.

Let me ask you. If you work in an organization that pays you well and suddenly they have financial crisis will you accept salary cut? Knowing that other organizations are in need of your services and can offer you higher pay. The answer is No.

I suspect high level of fraud has played out at the echelon of Barca management and they are covering it up

Chachamiliano:
Last 4 yrs he didn't spend money abi? Do you know how much he is taxed out of this income? Will you ever work for free? If Messi have being under performing do you think Barca would not have bundled him out?. The coach saying it, has he ever worked for free?

Kingsuave:
Watch and see as Mourinho "The special one" transform Tammy to one prolific striker.

Trust me Jose always perform magic with Black players, if na lie ask Drogba.

kenzysmith:
Who is saleh?

Kingcalls:
Only his blind delusional unreasonable fans will disagree...I hate pretenders , I hate hypocrites....same person that dropped transfer request just last year and was angry that barca prevented him from leaving... he had a whole season to sign a new contract, he didn't...waited to finish copa , rest with family only to show face a week b4 league resumes and throwing crocodile tears like he dint know this will happen... this are the kind of frenemies that will poison u and cry at ur funeral... I will always stand with Ronaldo for his honesty, if he says he is leaving, he will leave , if he says he is staying, he stays , he sorts his contract issues or transfers on time , he doesn't pretend


Modified....for those delusional messi fans quoting me...Messi fans are no different from almajiri ...I always say this cos u guys are not critical thinkers... a club and league that he has played in thru out his career ( 21yrs ) at the same club and u think he and barca officials dint know about the Spanish financial rules...messi just wanted to pay barca back for not letting him go last season , that's y he kept on delaying to sign till last minute and then blame the financial rules...on the other hand , Barca dint wanna take the risk of letting alot of players go and then Messi ends up not signing....but this last minute put Barca in a tight corner , no time to offload and league is about to start ...Best option, let Messi go and manage the ones u have ... messi fans are never smart and toooo blind to see... well, what do u expect from people that say messi is better than Ronaldo and also equate copa to Euros ....now the fraud has stylishly joined an easy league and team to continue whr he stopped at barca... y dint he join Chelsea as Abramovic instructed his club to get messi , but he rejected...y are his fans only clamoring for PSG and Mancity ...thats cos they know he is most likely to flop if he doesn't join those 2 high scoring teams...now he will wanna use those dead teams in France to shine...no single team in France is even 30% of PSG

Guru1111:

Funny enough this is coming from the grand parents of corruption

In as much as I detest this APC led government,I strongly think the PDP should keep their nonsense advice to themselves

They can't be claiming saints all the time when one APC loyalists fvck up like say the same Ibori they paraded as a saint back then wasn't convicted abroad

This wahala wey we dey face currently so,make PDP no ever forget say na dem create am..... Because na dem be the architect of this damage

Ladiesdoctor:
Arrest who?
Nobody should dare us in our own country!
The least they can do is to banned Abba Kyari from entering their country!
Nigeria is a sovereign nation.
No one should dictate anything on us.
The atrocities that they have done to other nations is too enormous!
No one has declared for any arrest of their citizen.
This is Nigeria! We roll in our own way!

Yahoo boys, armed robbers, kidnappers, etc are too many in this country.
They will never celebrate Abba Kyari, because they know Abba Kyari is their worst nightmare.

And so what if Abba Kyari collected 1.1m dollars from Abbas?

Abba Kyari is the reason why many of Nigerians have not encounter calamity.

If Evans could have still be walking free on the roads, lots of people would have been kidnapped.
Abba Kyari only arrests hardened criminals!
A hardened criminal that walks free in the street is more dangerous than a naked bomb.

Abba Kyari is the reason why many people are sleeping with their eyes closed.

Criminals will never celebrate him

Abba Kyari will always be celebrated as a Super Cop no matter what.

I will always celebrate our Super Cop.

Ride on Sir.
Nothing do you!

Monogamy:
Igboho's attempt arrest really hit hard on some people.

Oya let me ask you, with the documents released so far, What's the connection with FBI and bribery case in Nigeria?

In the said report, it was claimed Hush sent total amount of N8m in total transaction which is equivalent to $20k.. The said fraud money is $1.1m

If Kyari received $20k out of $1.1 m, why should he be person of interest to FBI

Is FBI the one to prosecute Bribery case with Kyari or the NPF.

I need answers not goal shifting

Maxymilliano:
It takes great skills to have combined career in policing, fashion designing and dispatch services.

There was once a super cop indeed !

OJEEMAH:
He was in Africa for the 2010 world cup. He couldn't conquer. He was in South America in 2014 as well....still couldn't conquer and you are concerned about the one that left his continent as a child to another continent to rewrite history?

FYI, as a child he left Netherlands in 2005 as the best player and the trophy.
He left Asia in 2008 as the best player and the trophy.
You win what is put in front of you. It's not Ronaldo's fault that he was thrust into the national team at an early age.
Messi won the 2014 best player that even fifa president was doubting, even the Messi himself was surprised
He still left Brazil in 2014 as the best player.

Has Ronaldo won anything outside Europe??

MJBOLT:

Re.tard.ed excuse
Messi,a South American left South America and Conquered Europe then went back to conquer South America.
Tell your Penaldo to leave his comfort zone na

MJBOLT:

This guy na olodo o
Barca had 1 UCL,4 UEFA winners cup and 2 UEFA super cup
Why you no mention am

Qudsi:
The day you die and see one of the two destination is where you are headed: Hell or Rest with Jesus.
Don't turn up with Satan.

Kalubolt:
Prior to 2005 Barca has just 1 UCL and played in Europa or Uefa league in the last two seasons preceeding that. Oya go check and cum back

OJEEMAH:
.......I no get strength pls. I never chop

RioCarputo:
Cristiano Ronaldo won't agree to take 50% wage cut.not on these earth... he would rather leave...

MJBOLT:

tell Ronaldo to conquer outside of Europe then come back

Righteousness2:
We warned about the evils and Pride month being celebrated Worldwide and the consequences it will bring. The people took it for Granted.

How can you have such Disatrous Floods in Summer? These things are not normal!

BABA is a GOD of Justice. If HE dealt with the people of sodom and Gomorrah and those in the times of Lot for these evil, HE won't spare this Generation. Because if HE does not Deal with this Generation of evil and Abominations, HE would have to apologize to Sodom and Gomorrah and those in the days of Lot.

Folks, Don't allow yourself to be Deceived by anyone whether human or Spirit with talks of this or that not happening. The RAPTURE is upon us. Closer than you ever think or imagine.

Infact I am no longer looking for the Signs , I am Listening for the Sound of the Trumpet.

Live Ready Folks! Anyday, Anymoment!,The People of JESUS will be Snatched away and the Main wrath will descend.