initiate:

never underestimate the strength of a woman indeed.

particularly one that would not read a question before posting an answer

LOL, Guy u wicked oooooooooooooooo

Hi Guys,

plz i need you all to help me out,
I've been battling with pimples for a long time but met with sumone yesterday who introduces fungbact A to me, any hope plz? and also im chocolaty in complexion and i need a gud body cream that will bring out a perfect complexion although i ve started using body treat for now and am yet to see any change in sight. plz help.

What a loss to the music Genre.

Adieu Michael Joseph Jackson(pop king).

The whole world will miss u dearly.

@ spikedcylinder,
i didn't ask you to read it
its just two of her collections that i love most
thank you for not reading.

Hello Nairalanders,

Im a great lover and fan of the great Dolly parton and i've been listening to her for more than 19 gud yrs now.
Is there anybody in house who is also a fan
plz lets see u.

my best are
A christmas to remember
You've made this a Christmas to remember
Springtime feelin's in the middle of December
Strangers meet and they willingly surrender
Oh! What a Christmas to remember
Almost went to Aspen but something told me no
I considered Mammoth but there wasn't enough snow
And I even thought of Gatlinburg but that seemed so far to go
So I headed up to Tahoe for a Christmas on the slopes

And I had fantasized about Christmas in this way
Curled up by a fireplace in a Tahoe ski chalet
With a fast talking lover and some slow burning wood
But even in my wildest dreams it never got this good and

You've made this a Christmas to remember
Springtime feelin's in the middle of December
Change the radio and I'll turn the lights down dimmer
Oh! What a Christmas to remember

Strangers when we met, lovers as we leave
Christmas to remember, too good to believe
Don't know how or when, but I know we'll meet again
We'll come blowin' back to somewhere like some wild restless winter's wind

And you've made this a Christmas to remember
Springtime feelin's in the middle of December
Neath the mistletoe you kissed me warm and tender
Oh! What a Christmas to remember

We loved and laughed and played and joked
Sang Christmas songs and talked to folks
Sleighed the fields and skied the slopes
Then to the lodge for dinner
But now it's time for us to go
As our hearts melt like chimney snow
There's just one thing I want to know
Can we do this next winter
Oh! What a Christmas to remember

You've made this a Christmas to remember
Springtime feelin's in the middle of December
Though the fire is hot, we'll just have to let it simmer
Oh! What a Christmas to remember

You've made this a Christmas to remember
Springtime feelin's in the middle of December
Though it's cold outside we'll just stroke the burning embers
Oh! What a Christmas to remember.

and

Hello God
Hello, God, are you out there?
Can you hear me?
Are you listenin' any more?
Hello, God, if we're still on speakin' terms,
Can you help me like before?
I have questioned your existence,
My resistance leaves me cold.
Can you help me go the distance?
Hello, God. Hello, hello.

This old world has gone to pieces,
Can we fix it? Is there time?
Hate and violence just increases,
We're so selfish, cruel and blind.
We fight and kill each other,
In your name, defending you.
Do you love some more than others?
We're so lost and confused.

Hello, God, are you out there?
Can you hear us?
Are you listenin' any more?
Hello, God, if we're still on speakin' terms,
Can you help us like before?.
Oh, the free will you have given,
We have made a mockery of.
This is no way to be livin'.
We're in great need of your love.
Hello, God.

(Hello, hello.)

Hello, God, can you grant us,
Love enough to make amends?
(Hello, God.)
Is there still a chance,
That we could start again?
Hello, God, we've learned our lesson.
Dear God, don't let us go.
(Hello, Hello.)
More than ever,
Hello, God. Hello, hello.

Hello, God, we really need you,
We can't make it without you.
(Hello, God.)
We beseech you,
In the name of all that's true.
Hello God, please forgive us,
For we know not what we do.

Hello, God, give us one more chance,
To prove ourselves to you.
Hello, God, (Hello, God.)

Hello, God.

Good evening,
my great people of Nairaland, its obviously less than 6hrs to the greatest election of the world
in your own opinion and observation what do you think tommorrow will look like in the history of
America and the history of the world.
please comments is only welcome from sensible people who understands their right from their left.

Lola Omotayo, the wife of Peter Okoye of P-Square musical group has been delivered of a baby boy.

Lola, who had been on maternity leave for some months, gave birth to the baby last Tuesday in London.

P.M.News gathered that although the mother and baby are yet to return to Nigeria, Peter has been in a joyous mood since the good news was broken to him.

The christening, according to Peter, is expected to hold as soon as Lola and the baby return next month.

“I can’t disclose the exact time of their arrival at the moment, but if not next month, it will be December. I’m also keeping the name of the child close to my heart for now. I will unveil it when the time comes.

“Although people have been suggesting names for me, even my twin brother, Paul, is yet to know the name I have settled for,” Peter told our reporter, adding that “it’s a thing of joy and I’m happy about it.”

Comments

Kokology: study of the koko.

Longthinglogy: The study of long things.

Sexology: The study of sex.

womanology: the study of woman.

FUCKUPOLOGY: The study of Bleep ups.

More to come.

why all the name calling now
ah ah u guys should try and control ur mouth
over some vulgar languages.

@poster,
Very funny joke.

@everybody,
Abeg all of make una ask me about my weekend cus na only girls
for here dey ask theirselves wey all the guys now abi na no dey caring.

Good morning fellow Nairalanders,
Please i will like to know the cost, requirement and procedures
for ATS as fresh gruaduate from secondary school and also as
an OND holder.
Plz anybody with useful information and advice regarding ATS should
help me out urgently.

@poster
very funny.

@Ituen,
how far now
u still dey carry the babe around
give me now make i dey marry am.

@Kola Oloye,
How do u know i ve not returned it
if not that u ve been going to her house
at my back, telling her all sort of things
anyways i gave her phone to my new girl friend
and bought a new one for myself.

Kola u are stepping on my toes and i ve been warning you
DONT LET ME LOSE MY TEMPER.

@Saucekid
U are praying for me to lose my temper
i reject and nullify all the handiwork of the devil on me
in jesus name

CuteAngel:

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, "This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door? "The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his "garage door." He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, "When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there? "She smiled and said, "No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.

Oh my God
this is very funny
lmao.

@Ituen,
dont be offended
im so sori for my sightographic error.

@Clemcykul,
U are bastardising my name
is kanmosyl and not kano sly
dont let me sue u for that

@Kola oloye,
Do u say im already confused
dont let me lose my temper on u
cus if i do i will text u dirty slap and punches with my fone
and u will regret of eva saying that.

Guys no hard feelings.

@ Ilugunboy,
Ose jare paddy to sure ju
infact u are the surest eniyan on
Nairaland.

@TawaTemi,
O to lo so jare, mo ti so oro tan
amo, oti da mi lo oun ibere mi now
moni mo nifere gan
mo ke gbadun e gani ke.

Moni fe TawaTemi gan kanmosyl
Mofe ran TawaTemi gan kanmosyl
lelelelelelelelelelelelelelelelele kanmosyl

ma ma mind Yoruba mi
awon temi ni yoruba eko ni mo so
but je afi yen le ka me fere wa lo on a kentro level
jasi now omoge.

nice one
Motivational joke

Eyin temi, bawo se ewa dada?
moke gbadun yoruba yiii gan ni kee
mo tun like be se n ju si rayin especially
that lovely omobinrin tio je Tawa temi
for real omo yen tii wa ju both in deed and even in thought
appearance e gan ko ba obinrin je rara, iru e ma wun kin fi se aya
mio wa mo bo ya oti ni ololufe tio da inu edun ni gbogbo igba abi kilo
feel awelewa omo pupa rondo ronda.

eyin guys ema mind mi o
im just been motivated.
ese gan ni

@ nightnurse,
I dont know when u turn urself to be sumone else mouthpiece
u never can tell the lady might need my help and i promise to render any kind of help
just to make sure the place is cleared atleast for the betterment of those that will be coming
to this world thru that place.

@ituen,
how do i help myself first.

Ituen hi,
I like that chick wey dey type for that computer wey dey ur house
na nice chick oooo u fit help me arrange the girl.

@poster,
dont mind them o jare the thread is very funny but pls can u tell me the name
of the person and her house address cus i ve got sumone who can help her.

U guys should stop all this Bra, pant and slippers issue and get to work
there are many of us here who want to learn new languages incase we come
across some new kokolets from those tribes
get to work and teach us new things.

What those bra size 'letters' mean ,

A for Almost there
B for Barely boobs
C for Can live with these
D for Damn good
E for Enormous
F for FAKE!

Hilarious Work Joke: Human Resources Helpful Hints

Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.

If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.

If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.

If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.

If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them. If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.

If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.

If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.

If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests, Public Relations would suit them well.

If they are sleeping, they are Management material.

If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.

If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.

If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to

Swimming With Crocodiles!


One day a wealthy man was having a party at his house. He was loaded, and he had everything; money, a big house in Beverly Hills, women, cars, planes; anything he wanted. This guy was also a little eccentric, and he had filled his pool with crocodiles.

So there he was, he and his friends all standing around drinking, and partying next to the pool.

The man gets up on the life guard tower and all his friends look up. He calls for silence and says, "OK, the first person who swims across my pool will get all my money."

No one moves. Now the man looks over the crowd, draws on his joint and says, "OK, the first person who swims across my pool gets all my money and my house."

Still no one moves. "OK then, the first person who swims across my pool gets all my money, my house and all my cars and planes."

Still, no one moves, not even an eye blinks at this time. "OK then, all my money, my house, all my cars, all my planes, all my property, all my stocks and bonds and investments and all the women you can handle; everything I own."

"Splash!" Someone's in the pool. Crocodiles are all over him, but he rolls over like Tarzan, he's all over the place, fighting and dodging. Finally he gets out of the pool on the other side. The rich guy on the tower jumps down and runs over to him.

"That was incredible! I never thought that I would ever see that done. Do you want the money now or later?"

"I don't want the money."

"Do you want the house now or later?"

"I don't want the house."

"Do you want the bonds, stocks and stuff now or later?"

"I don't want that either."

"Do you want the women now or later?"

"I don't want the women."

The wealthy man looks at him and says, "Well what DO you want?!?!?"

"I just want the guy who pushed me in!"

How Much Is Barbie?


A man was driving home one evening and realized that it was his daughter's birthday and he hadn't bought her a present. He drove to the mall and ran to the toy store and he asked the store manager "How much is that new Barbie in the window?"

The Manager replied, "Which one? We have,

'Barbie goes to the gym'for $19.95 ,

'Barbie goes to the Ball' for $19.95 ,

'Barbie goes shopping for $19.95 ,

'Barbie goes to the beach' for $19.95,

'Barbie goes to the Nightclub' for $19.95 ,

and 'Divorced Barbie' for $375.00."

"Why is the Divorced Barbie $375.00, when all the others are $19.95?" Dad asked surprised.

"Divorced Barbie comes with Ken's car, Ken's House, Ken's boat, Ken's dog, Ken's cat and Ken's furniture."

chelsea fans i hail o
which time be our match?
4 dat sun wentin go happen. 4 Emir

Hi everybody,
Merry xmas and prosperous new year in advance.
We all know the year is running to an end and im quiet sure that at the beginning of the year most of us
set goals to be achieved before the end of the year and truly its been like that for some people,
they 've achieved more than what they set but to some others its been one problem or the other
achieving just one.
Plz i will like for those who truly set goals and were able to achieved their goals, to reflect on those goals
they set, how they go about the achievement in other to assist those who encounter one problem or the other
achieving theirs, so we can prepare ourselves against the coming year.

NAIRALAND FOR LIFE.

A crocodile at a zoo in the Southern Taiwan city of Kaohsiung holds the fore arm of a zoo veterinarian in between his teeth while the veterinarian was trying to treat it.

Eyin temi ewo lese, se ewa bi ewa?

As i was entering into Nairaland today,

Bi mo se nwo inu Nairalandi yi leni,

i asked myself that what are the reasons for me to be here

mo bere lowo ara mi pe idi wo ni mo se gbodo wa nibi

but i saw different reasons

sugbon mo ri idi orisirisi

i saw big reasons and the same time saw small reasons

mo ri idi nla beni motun ri idi kekere

i also saw fat reasons and thin reasons

mori idi rabata beni motun ri idi gbigbe

i even saw good reasons and bad reasons

mo ri idi to da motun ri idi to ti baje

i pray that good and fat reasons will not escape u guys in jesus name

mo gba dura pe idi nla ati idi to da ko ni fiyin sile ni oruko jesu
amen amin

Alagbin,
Mabi nu jo mo fi Olorun be o,
Mio ka idahun re dada ni o
mabi nu ki o si dariji mi
sugbon bami ja ore re Ajileko si ikan ti mo so tan
ko le mo pe omoluabi onso isokuso lenu.
Lekan si mabinu simi.