₦airaland Forum

mariahAngel:
You have to ask them to support you.
There’s no shame in that.
Are you Igbo?

Of course but that only if have enough already to cover the principal items.

GboyegaD:
Seems you are more bothered about pleasing people than to be true to yourself. If you hurt yourself with excessive thoughts and injure yourself, dem go still carry on with or without you. Oga, you have done your best, don't over stress it.

Thanks bros the stuff really choke but I can't outdo myself over it. It is what it is.

mariahAngel:
Do you think your people can support you in any way?

Honestly I don't know because this kinda thing maybe you have 100 then you're asking for support for the rest 50 I don't think one can wake and call on his family to come and sponsor his in-laws burial you can only ask them to accompany you and support you not raise the whole money for you.

mariahAngel:
Op seems like he’s afraid, but there comes a time in one’s life when you need to step out your comfort zone and do what you have to do.
Sometimes, we allow ourselves to be unnecessarily overwhelmed by a situation, when there are options we’d rather not take.

I am afraid of course...the timing is most inappropriate for me. Who do I run and I very hate the idea begging around everyone giving you a million excuses why they had millions only yesterday and have just lend it to someone two minutes before you came. And of we all know the country is now.

mariahAngel:
Negotiate with them to cut it down to what you can manage to give.
I don’t see the need for three goats and all that.

Lol they are not asking you anything ...you yourself know what's required of you.
The three goats you take there one would be given back to your people who went there and some of the yam and drinks too which they your people will come back with to come and enjoy themselves...like I said this stuffs are cultural

Munzy14:
Afford what you can, if you can't, delay is not denial...

You can always redeem yourself later...

Genuinely, do the little you can, and heaven will not fall...Even if it is culture, the gods are wise and can be lenient.

In this trial time, your wife and kids are your priority, anyother thing is extra if the money isn't there.

If you can't meet up, return home few days to burial and help out with errands to cushion side talk stuffs.

You can be a major financier of the memerial service if you pick up from your trial moments.

No go do pass yourself o...Depression is real and dangerous for a family man.

Thanks

RightToReject:
It's not about unnecessary aggression or anything of such, OK. I don't like the idea of anyone distorting facts wittingly or unwittingly. You and I know that in the same Igboland, the poor have always buried their relatives based on the size of their pocket, culture or no culture.

It's the same thing when some myopic people from or outside the Igboland, or bigoted hateful people from outside the Igbo land, strive hard to tell whosoever cares to listen that anyone who wants to marry an Igbo woman must pay and spend millions, whereas evidence abounds everywhere that people from within and outside marry Igbo women based on the size of their pockets or how they present themselves culture or no culture.

Culture has never been about how the dead people did their things; rather, it has always been about how the living people choose to do their things.

Of course you have a point bro but of course as an Inlaw to a family you would want to fulfil cultural demands and put smile on your partners face but then again when resources are limited as is the case now the shame stares you in the face that you couldn't represent

Sonnobax15:

The same thing happened to one of my neighbor as at Three months ago...He felt the pressure to the extent that he even went to take a loan from LAPO..... Right now,as I'm typing this,the nigha don run comot from him house because he has been unable to pay back his debt..

So op,use your head.... And you better cut your coat according to your cloth

Am not even considering Lapo but of course if I could get to borrow elsewhere where I can pay in peace without heart attacks then fine

cococandy:
Thankfully I haven’t lost a close family member yet so it makes sense that I’m not talking about my own specific family here, right?

You’d think maybe it’s more of an observation on how things are generally done in the culture where I am from.
Also my post is not a personal attack on you. Dial back on the unnecessary aggression .

Not a family specific at all..this is the cultural practice if you really want to attend an in-laws father or mother burial.

toxict14:
Na you kill am?

No be only three goats self plus 8yams big ones o and 4gallons of palmwine and 4crates of beerand the tfare to convene the people you are taking with you to the place

NoToPile:
Karlman, the economy is not smiling on a lot of people this days, please do not resort to crime or borrowing ( either LAPO, loan apps whatever).
You said you can afford money to package your family to the location of the burial, very good, if you can get a little sum as salary advance ( less than your monthly salary oo ehen) to hold as pocket money that will be good.

Go there, you may not have money but assist physically the way you can as an in law even if it is organization.

You can explain to your in-laws how things are for now, later you can pay the requirements when you can afford it, you might not tell them this but have it at the back of your mind.

God help you bro, don't enter gbese for burial oo .

Thanks bro but shame wouldn't let me show my face there if can't do what I am supposed to do and too is not a one man journey so normally I have to come with my people and of course those elders can't follow you anywhere to go and present themselves empty handed its a shameful journey my people will never undertake. Just like you said if in the end I was only able to send my wife as that's all my salary can cover then so be it.

mariahAngel:
So, you need me to tell you to go borrow if you have to, to play your part? Then go borrow, but borrow what you can afford to pay back.
It is not as if the major part of the responsibility is on you, so do what you can to fulfill your part. You don’t have to give all that they requested. Just give what you can.
It cannot be ignored and you know it.

Three big goats. Eight yams. Four cartons of beer. Four gallons of palm wine. ...is a 150 k expenses where do I go and borrow that at this time.

cococandy:
I’m suspecting these folks are igbo. I still don’t know why we go overboard on funerals when the family is grieving and should be extended a hand of help and sympathy. Rather, the community wants to use that opportunity to extort them. This part of our culture has never been acceptable to my spirit.

If one in-law is expected to bring goats (multiple) how many are the others then expected to bring and how much in total are they expecting from this one family? To whose benefit? Did any of them even give a hoot about the man while he was alive? Now he’s dead they want to be dined and wined by his hurting and grieving children.

Extravagant funerals should be done only if that’s what the nuclear family wants for their father and whomever amongst them that wants it badly should be the one to pay for it. You shouldn’t be mourning your dead family member and also stressing about not having money to entertain community people.

My dear I kept winderring why it is that culture never bothered to think that at sometime someone somewhere might not have the money needed for all that.

mariahAngel:
If it were your father’s burial, wouldn’t you do what is expected of you?
Your wife’s father is also your father, so you have to do what is expected of you. It is your obligation.

You brought the matter here to nairaland looking for excuses and support on why you shouldn’t fulfill your obligations, knowing fully well that traditionally, it is what is expected of you.
When you’re done fantasizing, you’ll log off and go see what you can and should do about the situation.
It might not be easy, but it is not impossible. O ruola n’omume!

You said a lot without preferring any solution...why do you think I came here to shy away from my cultural responsibility no I came here to let people see where I found myself and probably advise me based on past experience in same situation.
You kept saying there is something I can do please tell me so long its not crime or lapo.

Kobojunkie:
What other choice is there than to swallow your pride and admit you have nothing to give? Would you rather commit and then fail to deliver?
Tell them the truth and when you eventually have to give, you can give them.

Thanks bro I just hope someone understands me...I just started a new job and all that My entire salary can do is to package my wife and kids and send them home...however we are going to do with the cultural demands I don't know.

I called my senior bros yesterday and he listed all that culture demands from me which included Goats and yams and palm wine and beer...three big goats to be precise and each from 35 to 40 k

Fahdiga:
Don't do what you can't just to please human. You can never satisfy human no matter what you do. Explain to them and allow things to pass

My brother its all about culture

DaddyRochie1642:
Explain to them you don't have the money,

Better cut your coat according to your Size.

Baba its easier said than done. My wife is already on panic mode fearing I might not make it and it would be a disgrace for her if I couldn't come up with what culture demands of me.

My In-laws are doing their father's burial and I don't have money kindly advise.
This is really a serious matter as I have only two weeks left.
Elders in the house kindly advise a brother.
Thanks



Chief Lalasticlala ... Mynd44 Dominique and all mods kindly uplift this post as I am on very hot seat please.
Thanks

udele1:
Anambra allow Nnamdi Kanu from Abia kill your people like chicken. Destroy your state and say no election. When Abia, Enugu,Imo,Ebonyi had elections.

This comment goes to show who you really are...an oaf...

Good
Emmanuel has high leadership qualities

Cool

Lol the picture though very hilarious

FMAKJ:
Lol u trying to let my cat out of the bag already.

Maybe cbrass is also the owner of this account.

Not at all....
Am just a lover of knowledge!

gasparpisciotta:
No need to explain we understand the ineptitude.

Same old, same old.

A father once asked his kid to be good, the kid responded that he will only be good for $30k, the father was shocked and asked why does he need to be paid in order to be good.

The dad told his son, that when he was a kid he was good for nothing...

...that was a really very intelligent anecdote

FMAKJ:
Ugbo.

I called them bad boys. They will scare you, enslave you and all sorts.

But a yellow lady was used to set up their king and that was how the left Ife and resettled somewhere else.

Hmmm! Ugbo...
And where are the Ugbo people now?
Not that am letting your cat out the bag but curiosity. .calls.

FMAKJ:
I am not even from oyo. My own story is for another day which will surprise you. That oduduwa story falling from the sky is a lie. Lamurudu gave birth to Oduduwa,simple!

Now, do you know that Lamurudu met certain people in ife when he arrived?

Now, to give you a tip of where I come from, I am from that certain people lamurudu met in ife.

Pardon my interruption...who did he met in Ife I mean Mr lamurudun?
Pls this is purely an academic question as I have no part in your discussions.

Enugu is known for peace and that is how its gonna remain

Would that have been the list if she really had the power to evict?

Big brother shouldn't have told her its a fake eviction.

And when they murder a fulani there will be immediate arrests

Kaodek:
“Malami in the notice of preliminary objection argued that Igboho’s claims of unlawful killing, the tort of trespass, assault, and battery could not be brought under Fundamental Right (Enforcement Procedure) Rules 2009”

“He also said the claims for damages for invasion of house, unlawful killing, the tort of trespass, assault, battery, and allegation of discrimination and secessionist could not be resolved by affidavit evidence without calling witnesses, tendering of documents, and even a likely visit to the scene” .
So #50,000 will solve all the damages and unlawful killings?
Well, I commend the Judge for his courage to let them realize that what they have done was very ridiculous and unlawful unlike some fools justifying the killings and damages done based on Igboho’s resist to an arrest. I will keep repeating it, they went to his house to kill him not to arrest, if they had killed him successfully,they would have denied been to his house

When they went to kill MNK some of you said lots of shit to support their evil.

Life is the greatest teacher.
Lets always condemn evil even when it is visited on our enemy.