After completing these 5 questions, you'll be emailed a free personalized analysis from professional dating coach, Paige Parker.

Don’t over-think this… just go with your gut and choose the closest option to
how you’d answer. And be honest!


1)  You’re catching up with your best friend over a glass of wine when she notices her (tall, dark and handsome!) coworker across the bar. She introduces you and you engage in a brief but flirtatious conversation. You’re sure he’s going to ask for your number, but then he tells you to “take it easy” and starts to head back to his group of friends. YOU:
  Stop him before he gets away and ask if he wants to grab dinner sometime.
  Drop by his group of friends on the way out to say “goodbye” and slip him your number.
  Jump back into conversation with your girlfriend. Hey, if he wants your number, he knows how to get it.
2)  You’ve just had a great first date. At the end of the night, you thank your guy for an amazing time and he says, “I’ll call you.” You reply:
  “Perfect! I’m free all week.”
  “Ok, goodnight!”
  “I’ll wait for your call.”  
3)  You’ve been on a few dates with a great guy and things are going really well. It’s starting to feel more serious; you don’t even have an interest in seeing other people anymore. You wonder if he feels the same. You:  
  Keep your feelings to yourself until he tells you he wants to be exclusive.  
  Tell him that you’ve decided to stop dating around and ask him how he feels about it.  
  Pour him a glass of wine and, in the most non-threatening voice possible, tell him you’d like to have a conversation about where the relationship is going.  
4)  You've been dating a guy for a few weeks and things seem to be going along swimmingly. Just when you think that this budding relationship is darn near perfect, your man starts acting out. He "forgets" to call when he says he will. He shows up to your birthday party 45 minutes late. He cancels a date at the last minute or stands you up altogether. YOU:
  Leave a furious message on his voicemail letting him know what a jerk he is and threatening to break up with him if he doesn’t make it up to you, pronto.
  Ignore his calls for a while and stand him up on your next date. He’s not going to get away with hurting you, and he needs to know how it feels.
  Calmly let him know that you expect to be treated with respect and give him the opportunity to prove whether he’s capable of following through.
5)  We all know that nobody’s perfect, but which of these behaviors can’t you change in your man and should be considered “deal breakers?”
  He’s emotionally unavailable (e.g. “I care about you but… I don’t love you / could never marry you / I don’t know what love is / I never want to get serious / (fill in his ‘I need to keep my emotional distance’ phrase here).  
  He’s got major anger issues (with or without the tendency toward verbal or physical abuse).
  You're hopelessly incompatible with one another (you want kids someday, he never does; you want to marry a Jew, he's Catholic, etc, ).

StepsSay it. When you say the words "I Love You," do they carry it with them the desire to show someone you love them or do they carry it with them is it what you want to feel? And when you say it make sure you really mean it and are willing to do anything for that special person
Empathize. Put yourself in someone else's shoes. Rather than impose your own expectations or attempt to control them, try to understand how they feel, where they come from, and who they are; and realize how they could also love you back just as well.
Love unconditionally. If you cannot love another person without attaching stipulations, then it is not love at all, but deep-seated opportunism (one who makes the most of an advantage, often unmindful of others). If your interest is not in the other person as such, but rather in how that person can enhance your experience of life, then it is not unconditional. If you have no intention of improving that person’s life, or allowing that person to be themselves and accepting them as they are, and not who you want them to be, then you are not striving to love them unconditionally.
Expect nothing in return. That doesn't mean you should allow someone to mistreat or undervalue you. It means that giving love does not guarantee receiving love. Try loving just for loving's sake. Realize that someone may have a different way of showing his or her love for you; do not expect to be loved back in exactly the same way.
Realize it can be lost. If you realize that you can lose the one you love, then you have a greater appreciation of what you have. Think how lucky you are to have someone to love.

There are many types of love, for example: a mother-son love is different from a best friend's love, which is different from a romantic love. Don't be ashamed to tell anyone that you love your friends as much as you love anyone else in your life.
You have to find someone that will suit you, someone you feel comfortable with - not just someone to make love to.
As a word, love can be found worldwide and is often used to describe compassion and/or emotional attachment. Accepting those you love for who they are is part of love. You also need to learn to accept yourself before you can accept another. If you cannot love your self, how are you to love another?
Love genuinely. Do not compare your feelings now to what your feelings were when you were with another mate. At times, we can experience rejection.
Realize that love is a feeling that wikihow can describe and attempt to assist, but ultimately, you are the one who must take action in order to discover love.
Do things that make the other person feel good, but do not smother them with gifts and attention.
Consider some tips about what people in love do.
People in love are sensitive to each other's needs, and endeavor to meet them even when they do not feel like doing it.
Men and women may be equal in value but different by nature. People who truly are in love give their mates "space" to develop their potential and find their fulfillment in life.
Sometimes love is all we need

Ur hubby is an ungraetful human being God will bless him 4 wat he has done to u. C one thing i ave to tell u is that take good care of ur baby boy and God will c u through in wat u are going through he is an ingreat.

God will heal my his power and grace he shall live and not die he shall eat d labour of his friut. God is always by ur side dont loose hope on him.

For those who are interested in posting and applying for legitimate jobs

They should send jobs/vacanies for school cert holder for those who intending furthering there education and dont have means to pay there school atleast when this employers employ them with the money there are going to be receiving they can use it to pay there school fees and do other things than sitting at home doing nothing

I got another mail 4rom a friend 4rom dis forum yesterday and she nedded help urgently 4rom Doctors or Nurses in d house.

And her problem is that she needs virginal Tighter for herself and she needs it urgently she went to one site but could not get any 4rom d site pls in any way u can her pls i will appreciate alot becos her wedding is coming up in february next year.



Pls help her save her 7yrs relationship 4 her guy becos he said he wants to enjoy his sex life after marraige

Hello guy pls can u give me the website site again becos i applied last year but was not admmited becos of my english language.

Ronnie

Girl go 4 ur result and dont b scared at all. I ave done my twice and it still negative i was scared in d first place, if urs is negetive b care very very careful. Ok

Please is there any name 4 it becos i ave searched but didnt really get it

A friend of mine mailed me yesterday that were can she get vaginal thigter cream or soap to use for herself becos she said her boyfriend always complain after sex.

She said she has search d net but did not get any one.

Pls in any way u guys can help her i will really appreciate alot becos i promised i will help her solve her problems.

Thanks

How to Ask for Forgiveness
Show true contrition and remorse for the pain that you've caused.

Be willing to make a commitment to not hurt your spouse again by repeating the hurtful behavior.

Accept the consequences of the action that created the hurt.

Be open to making amends.

Be patient with your spouse. Being able to forgive you often takes time. Don't dismiss your spouse's feelings of betrayal by telling your spouse to "get over it."

Marriage Relationships Need Forgiveness
Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has grumpy days. Many people say things they do not mean now and then. Everyone needs to forgive and to be forgiven.
No relationship, especially a marriage relationship, can be sustained over a long period of time without forgiveness. Even though you may find it find it difficult to forgive, being able to forgive is crucial in marriage.


Knowing When Enough is Enough
If your spouse abuses you, continues to betray you, continues to lie to you, etc., then it may be time to say enough is enough and to end your marriage. In these situations, forgiveness for the past hurts may take longer and that is okay.

I talk a lot about forgiveness in marriage and relationships. Why? Because without forgiving those who have wronged us, we will never be able to forget the wrong either. And when I say, "forget", I mean in the sense that the wrong will never be brought up again to hurt or otherwise abuse our spouse with.

1. Forgiveness is the first step in repairing/restoring relationship

"But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who married the divorced woman commits adultery."
Matthew 5:32

Divorce is hurtful and destructive and God intends for marriage to be a lifetime commitment. (Genesis 2:24). Couples should never consider divorce an option for solving marital problems, and here's why.

Jesus said that divorce was not permissible except for unfaithfulness, but, this does not mean, and is not saying that a spouse should automatically get a divorce because a spouse commits adultery!

The word translated "unfaithfulness" means LIVING in a sexually immoral lifestyle, not a repented act of adultery. There is a BIG difference here between a continual lifestyle of sexual sin and a one-time affair.

Those who have found their spouse to be unfaithful should make every effort to forgive and restore their marriage.

2. God does not forgive those who do not forgive others

"For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."
Matthew 6: 14-15

The simple truth here is that when we don't forgive others, we are denying our common ground as sinners in need of God's forgiveness. We all need to be forgiven at times, and we are all sinners!

When we ask for forgiveness from God and others, we should ask ourselves, "Have I forgiven the people who have wronged me?" It is all about putting ourselves in their shoes. We can't honestly expect to be forgiven when we can't seem to forgive others!

Do you need to forgive your spouse? Does your spouse need to forgive you? Submit to one another through forgiveness and restore the trust and respect that may have been misplaced.

3. True forgiveness is found only from having faith in Jesus Christ

True forgiveness is found only from having faith in Jesus? Really?

"If you forgive anyone his sins, they are forgiven; if you do not forgive them, they are not forgiven." John 20:23

In the above scripture Jesus was giving the disciples their Spirit-powered and Spirit-guided mission, which was to teach the good news about Jesus so people's sins might be forgiven.

But the disciples did not have the power to forgive sins, but Jesus gave them the opportunity of telling new believers that their sins have been forgiven because they had ACCEPTED Jesus' message. Because of their belief in Jesus, they were given the power within them to FORGIVE!

All believers have this same opportunity today! We can announce the forgiveness of sins with certainty when we ourselves have found repentance and faith in Christ. Wow!

4. Forgiveness will lead to change of heart

For those of you who have had a spouse who committed adultery, the bible says this:

The Pharisee's brought in a woman caught in the act of adultery. They made her stand before the group and said to Jesus, "Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such a woman. Now what do you say?

Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. When they kept questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any of you are without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."

At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. Jesus straightened up and asked her, "Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?

"No one sir," she said.

"Then neither do I condemn you," Jesus declared. "Go now and leave your life of sin." John 8:3-11

Jesus is simply saying that he will forgive us when we have faith enough in him to turn our life around and sin no more.

This is an excellent scripture! When Jesus said that only a sinless person could throw the first stone, he was actually highlighting several important areas in our own lives that we need to watch out for, such as forgiving others, showing compassion, and not to judge others who have sinned.

5. Forgiveness involves both attitude and action on our part

"Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written" "It is mine to avenge' I will repay, says the Lord. On the contrary: "if your enemy is hungry, feed him' if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will be heap burning coals upon his head."
Romans 12:19-21

By giving an enemy a drink, we are not excusing his misdeeds, but forgiving him and loving him despite of his sins. Jesus Christ did this for us. This is called "detaching with love", or Jesus called it, "turning the other cheek."

Forgiveness does involve a good attitude on our part. Many times we find it too difficult to forgive. We just don't FEEL very forgiving towards someone who has hurt us. It is at these times that we must try to be kind towards him or her.

Being kind to people who have hurt us tends to ease the hurt and makes us FEEL better towards them in our heart and mind.
Sometimes we have to do things we don't want to. But you will discover that by doing kind things to those who have hurt us can actually lead to our feelings changing for the good.
~~~~~

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20. 2007

I got this mail form a friend and i decide to share it with every one. Special thanks to who ever wrote this i believe that he or she will be happy by now seeing his or her message moving around

With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a “statistic”, try to internalize these 10 insights.
1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden rule is , if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after they are married……for the worst!”. So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now,
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means “I’m in lust”. Attraction is there, but have you actually checked out this person’s character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
Humility:
Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?
Kindness:
Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does she/he treat people she/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does she/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
Responsibility:
Can I depend on this person to do what she/he says she/he is going to do? Happiness:
Does this person like himself/herself? Does she/he enjoy life? Is she/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
a. Chemistry and compatibility
b. Shared common interest
c. Shared common life goal
Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.
After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re living for while you are single and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate…two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask; “Do I respect and admire this person?” This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions”. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
6. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise.

You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and economical problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.
8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud ones mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to “test drive” in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. To feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This most apparent is Judaism’s approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men have two speeds: “on” and “off”. Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.
10. You pick the wrong because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You’ll not be their number one priority. And that’s not basis for a marriage.

Ability is what you’re capable of doing……,
Motivation determines what you do……
Attitude determines how well you do it!
Do what you have to do about your relationship and do it

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 20. 2007

I got this mail form a friend and i decide to share it with every one. Special thanks to who ever wrote this i believe that he or she will be happy by now seeing his or her message moving around

With the divorce rate over 50%, too many are apparently making a serious mistake in deciding whom to spend the rest of their life with. To avoid becoming a “statistic”, try to internalize these 10 insights.
1. You pick the wrong person because you expect him/her to change after you’re married. The classic mistake! NEVER MARRY POTENTIAL!! The Golden rule is , if you can’t be happy with the person the way he or she is now, don’t get married. As a colleague of mine so wisely put it, “You actually can expect people to change after they are married……for the worst!”. So when it comes to the other person’s spirituality, character, personal hygiene, communication skills, and personal habits, make sure you can live with these as they are now,
2. You pick the wrong person because you focus more on chemistry than on character. Chemistry ignites the fire but good character keeps it burning. Beware of the “I’m in love” syndrome. “I’m in love” often means “I’m in lust”. Attraction is there, but have you actually checked out this person’s character? Here are four characteristics to definitely check for:
Humility:
Does this person believe that “doing the right thing” is more important than personal comfort?
Kindness:
Does this person enjoy giving pleasure to other people? How does she/he treat people she/he doesn’t have to be nice to? Does she/he do volunteer work? Give to charity?
Responsibility:
Can I depend on this person to do what she/he says she/he is going to do? Happiness:
Does this person like himself/herself? Does she/he enjoy life? Is she/he emotionally stable? Ask yourself: Do I want to be more like this person? Do I want to have a child with this person? Would I like my child to turn out like him or her?
3. You choose the wrong person because you do not share a common life goal and priorities. There are three basic ways we connect with another person:
a. Chemistry and compatibility
b. Shared common interest
c. Shared common life goal
Make sure you share a deeper level of connection that sharing life goals provide.
After marriage, the two of you will either grow together or grow apart. To avoid growing apart, you must figure out what you’re living for while you are single and then find someone who has come to the same conclusion as you. This is the true definition of a soul mate. A soul mate is a goal mate…two people who ultimately share the same understanding of life’s purpose and therefore share the same priorities, values and goals.
4. You pick the wrong person because you do not have deeper emotional connection. To evaluate whether you have a deeper emotional connection or not, ask; “Do I respect and admire this person?” This does not mean, “Am I impressed by this person?” We are impressed by a Mercedes. We do not respect someone because they own a Mercedes. Yes, you should be impressed by qualities of creativity, loyalty, determination, etc but do you actually respect and admire this person who possesses these qualities? Also ask: “Do I trust this person?” This also means, “Is he/she emotionally stable? Do I feel I can rely on him/her?
5. You pick the wrong person because you choose someone with whom you don’t feel emotionally safe. Ask yourself the following questions: Do I feel calm, peaceful and relaxed with this person? Can I fully be myself and express myself with this person? Does this person make me feel good about myself? Do you have a really close friend who does make you feel this way? Make sure the person you marry makes you feel the same way! Are you afraid of this person in any way? You should not feel you need monitor what you say because you are afraid of how the other person will view it. If you’re afraid to express your feelings and opinions openly, there’s a problem with the relationship.

Another aspect of feeling safe is that you don’t feel the other person is trying to control you. Controlling behaviors are a sign of an abusive person. Be on the look out for someone who is always trying to change you. There is a big difference between “controlling” and “making suggestions”. A suggestion is made for your benefit; a control statement is made for their benefit.
6. You pick the wrong person because you don’t put everything on the table. Anything that bothers you about the relationship must be brought up for discussion. Bringing up the uncomfortable stuff is the only way to evaluate how well the two of you communicate, negotiate, and work together. Over the course of a lifetime, difficulties will inevitably arise.

You need to know now, before making a commitment: Can you resolve your differences and find compromises that work for both of you? Never be afraid to let the person know what bothers you. This is also a way for you to test how vulnerable you can be with this person. If you can’t be vulnerable, you can’t be intimate. The two go hand in hand.
7. You pick the wrong person because you use the relationship to escape from personal problems and unhappiness. If you are unhappy and single, you’ll probably be unhappy and married, too. Marriage does not fix personal, psychological and economical problems. If anything, marriage will exacerbate them. If you are not happy with yourself and your life, take responsibility to fix it now while you are single. You’ll feel better and your future spouse will thank you.
8. You choose the wrong person because you get involved sexually too quickly. This can be a big problem because it often precludes a fully honest exploration of important issues. Sexual involvement tends to cloud ones mind. And a clouded mind is not inclined to make good decisions. It is not necessary to “test drive” in order to find out if a couple are sexually compatible. If you do your homework and make sure you are intellectually and emotionally compatible, you don’t have to worry about sexual compatibility. Of all the studies on divorce sexual incompatibility is never cited as a main reason why people divorce.
9. You pick the wrong person because the man doesn’t understand what a woman needs most. Men and women have unique emotional needs and more often than not, it is the man who just doesn’t get it. Jewish tradition places the onus on the man to understand the emotional needs of the woman and to satisfy them. The unique need of a woman is to be loved. To feel that she is the most important person in her husband’s life. The husband needs to give her consistent, quality attention.

This most apparent is Judaism’s approach to sexual intimacy. The Torah obligates the husband to meet the sexual needs of his wife. Sexual intimacy is always on the woman’s terms. Men have two speeds: “on” and “off”. Women are experience oriented. When a man is able to switch gears and become more experience-oriented, he will discover what makes his wife very happy. When the man forgets about his own needs and focuses on giving his wife pleasure, amazing things will happen.
10. You pick the wrong because he/she is involved in a triangle. To be “triangulated” means a person is emotionally dependent on someone or something else while trying to develop another relationship. A person who hasn’t separated from his or her parents is a classic example of triangulation. People can also be triangulated with things as well, such as work, drugs, internet, hobbies, sports or money. Be careful that you partner are free of triangles. The person caught in a triangle cannot be fully emotionally available to you. You’ll not be their number one priority. And that’s not basis for a marriage.

Ability is what you’re capable of doing……,
Motivation determines what you do……
Attitude determines how well you do it!
Do what you have to do about your relationship and do it

yes i am single and i want to know why u asked

yes i am single

It's hard enough to make local relationships work, but having miles, States, and sometimes even an ocean between you makes it even more difficult. However, successful long distance relationships can and do exist. Here's how to give yours every chance to survive and thrive.

[edit] StepsAsk the important questions at the onset, to make sure you are both clear on the parameters of the relationship. These can be difficult and awkward questions to ask, but will save you great heartache and misunderstanding down the line.


Ex.:Are you open to the possibility of relocating if the relationship should become more serious?
Communicate in some way every day - more than once if possible. Since you won't be seeing each other, it's important to establish and maintain an emotional connection. These don't have to be long, in-depth conversations (though those should occur sometimes). Tell each other about your little triumphs and tragedies. Ask for advice. Use an instant messenger program or VoIP for real-time chat, or webcams for that visual connection. E-mail is great so make sure you use it, especially if long-distance phone calls put a strain on your budget. Write love letters. Send small gifts or flowers for no reason. In this case, quantity is as important as quality. You may discover an advantage over others whose partner is close at hand - you don't take communication for granted!
Take advantage of the benefits a long distance relationship offers: more time with friends and/or family, no arguments over toothpaste caps, the pleasure of seeing your sweetheart again after a long absence, time to mull your options (rather than snapping at your partner impulsively) before you respond to that email s/he wrote that seemed so rude the first time you read it, etc. Most important, being far apart gives you a chance to maintain your individuality - something that can get lost in the shuffle when couples spend all their free time together.
Pursue common interests, even if it means pursuing them apart. If there's a movie you're both interested in seeing, watch it individually and then call each other afterward and talk about it. Read a certain book at the same time. Stargaze while on you're on the phone. Set your watches to go off at the same time every day, and synchronize your alarm with that of your partner. Make it a point to think of each other when your watch goes off, and revel in the fact that he or she is thinking about you, too. Find creative ways to bond.
Avoid the temptation to be controlling. People have free will and no one can or should control another person. As long as you are both interested in being in the relationship, you will stick with it and distance will not make a difference. As soon as one of you decides the other is not a good match - or someone else is a better match - your relationship ends, whether you live 3000 miles apart, two streets over, or share the same bed with your wedding picture on the wall. You are going to have to trust each other completely if this relationship is going to work.
Talk about your future together. Assuming that ultimately you'd want to live together, discussing how you're going to get to that point will help you prove to each other that the relationship is going somewhere and that your efforts and frustrations are not in vain.
Know when to say good-bye. While this is tough in any relationship, this can be especially hard over long distances. When communication becomes one-sided or sparse for too long and for no apparent reason, when arguments (yes, you'll have them) become too frequent, when the whole thing just seems like more trouble than it's worth, it's time to re-evaluate the relationship. Either you'll decide to go your separate ways, or you'll get closer for having overcome another obstacle to your happiness together.



[edit] TipsA long distance relationship is no different from a proximal relationship in that they both require a great deal of work, excellent communication, patience, sacrifice and understanding. But you will have to work extra hard to maintain the communication and to stay focused enough to not let your daily life interfere with your desire to be with the other person. Don't forget them or you can forget the relationship and it will all be over.
One of the hardest parts of a long distance relationship is connecting when one person gets busier than the other. If this happens in a relationship it is important to maintain communication. If you are the busy person, try to warn your partner ahead of time that you will be working many hours and may have limited time. If you are the not-as-busy person, take advantage of the time by picking up a new hobby, getting in shape, reading a new book, etc. Flexibility is very important.
It helps to have a solid time in the future for when the long distance part of the relationship will end, no matter the time length. Without it, the relationship can begin to mold into something that is always distant - even with great communication. With it, each person can see the point at which the distance will end and work harder to keep emotions readily available.
When talking to your partner, take note of things they enjoy the most (hobbies, day-to-day activities, etc, ) and do a little research on it so you have more to do when you see them next. For example: If your partner likes to dance, find the location of different clubs where you will see them next. If you don't know how to dance, take lessons and you will impress them by your willingness to make an effort on their behalf.
Buy a game that you can play together over the internet, such as an MMORPG (massively multi-player online role playing game). You will be able to chat while playing and it will give a greater feeling of togetherness.
Mail each other scented clothes.
Send each other spontaneous ecards.
Make a creative countdown (ie: photo calendar, a drawing for each day showing another thing you love about the person) and mail it to your partner to enjoy until you see each other next.
Do not set unreasonable expectations for your visit. Fantasizing about the visit is fine, but not outloud or by email to your partner. Instead, enjoy the excitement of the surprises to come.
The Long Distance Relationship Guidebook is a well-balanced, practical book for couples in long distance relationships who need some guidance.
Buy a webcam so you can chat face to face and see each other, so when you meet you will remember what they look like.
If sex is part of the relationship, don't just leave it in the bedroom, open it up. Talk dirty on the phone or IM. Get a webcam and you can watch each other. Being able to communicate is key in any long distance relationship. When you are able to get your partner "off" by the sound of your voice, the typing of your words, or the sight of your body, It will increase the intimacy tenfold when the two of you together.
Consider the fact that living far apart gives you both a chance to grow as individuals. Some couples break up to "find themselves", but in a long distance relationship you both have enough space to do your own things and still have a connection.



[edit] WarningsRemember, every kind of relationship takes hard work and dedication to your loved one or partner, whether its long distance or proximal. If you and your partner are willing to take these steps, then expect bumps and turns in the road. These bumps and turns will only help contribute towards a relationship.
Long distance relationships are not for the faint of heart. They can be very trying - but so can proximal relationships.
Remember that only you and your long distance partner understand the nuances of your relationship. Friends, family and colleagues may not understand your preoccupation with someone they have never met or rarely meet. Listen to their advice with a grain of salt unless they have been there themselves.
While instant messaging and e-mails play a large role in long distance relationships, remember that they can in no way replace verbal communication. Written conversations leave out the vital facial expressions and intonations that help your partner interpret the tone of the message. Save important conversations for the telephone or face-to-face communication so that everyone is on the same page.
Long distance relationships can and will test you and your partner; you need to trust him/her entirely as paranoia can play a major part in the demise of your relationship. Also, these kinds of relationships can bring a lot of disappointment and heartache--depending on the time you spend away from each other it is VERY important that if you want this relationship to work you must make a great effort not to drift apart. Long distance relationships are difficult, as you are emotionally attached to a person you cannot touch or comfort (hug, kiss, hold hands), and this can hurt your heart and wreak havoc with your emotions. The only way to make these relationships work is if you and your partner honestly believe you will be able to survive without each other for a considerable amount of time without the need or desire to be with someone else.

1. Every morning make a conscious commitment to eliminate blame, criticism, and invalidation from your side of the relationship. If it leaks out, acknowledge it, and apologize to your partner.

2. Pay attention to and express appreciation for positive things your partner says or does--no matter how small!

3. Ask your partner to write down what makes him/her feel loved and special. Do the same for yourself. Exchange lists. Then, every day, no matter how you feel about him or her, do one loving/caring behavior for your partner!

4. Honestly look at the things YOU do that you know are not helpful to the relationship. If you want something different, you need to do something different!

5. Develop compassion for your partner and for yourself. Reactive, defensive thoughts, words and behavior are ways we protect ourselves from "danger". Watch yourself reacting and ask yourself, "What does this remind me of from my own past?" and, " What can I do differently at this point to become safer for my partner?"

6. Ask very specifically for what you need and say 'why' it is important to you. Your partner cannot read your mind and actually experiences life differently than you do!

7. Learn new skills that make communication safe and effective for both of you.

8. Know that both romantic love and the power struggle are not the destination, but are stages on the road to 'real love'. Frustration and conflict are keys for healing and growth for both of you!

9. Read Getting the Love You Want, by Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., for new understanding of underlying issues that fuel frustration in your relationship and of ways to co-create a better relationship.

10. Most relationships can be 'saved' and transformed, and getting rid of the partner does not get rid of the 'problem'! If you think you need help, call for an appointment or come to one of our workshops or classes. You can create the relationship you want.

1) Without quality time, your relationship will not survive. Carve out half an hour a night, and at least one day a month when you the two of you spend time exclusively together.

2) You will both need security, comfort. A good relationship is built on compromise and give and take on both sides.

3) Keep your dependence and independence in balance. Tell and show your partner how much you need him, but don't cling, as that can make your partner feel trapped.

4) Encourage him to listen to you, by showing appreciation when he does. By the same token, show interest when he talks to you.

5) Learn to do the one thing that will restore good feeling in your relationship - giving your partner a genuine and loving smile.

6) Hidden resentments poison a relationship; so if something bothers you, say it. While men are wary of emotional conversations, they love to find solutions. Express your problem and then ask him to help you find the answer.

How compatible are you and the person you are with? How would you know? Just because you like the same types of foods and pets does not mean that you can have a blissful, long-term relationship.

If you and your partner answer these 1000 questions, I guarantee that you will know each other better than 99% of couples on the face of the earth.

StepsDo not expect anyone to be responsible for your happiness. Too often relationships fail because someone is unhappy and blames their partner for making them that way. Make yourself happy first, and then share his or her happiness.
Do not do anything for your partner if it comes with an expectation of reciprocation. The things you do for your partner must always be done because you chose to do them and you wanted to do them. Do not hold your “good deeds” over their head at a later time. Keeping score in a relationship will never work: a person is less likely to notice and value all the contributions of their partner as much as their own.
Tell the unarguable truth. Many people are taught to lie to protect someone's feelings, either their own or those of their partner. Lies create disconnection in a relationship, even if your partner never finds out about it. The unarguable truth is about your feelings; your partner can argue about anything that happens outside of you, but he or she cannot rationally deny your feelings. Here are some examples: "I felt scared when I saw you talking to him at the party or at school," "I feel angry when you hang up on me," and "I felt sad when you walked out during our fight and didn't want to be around me."
Forgive one another. Forgiveness is a process of ending your anger or resentment towards another individual. It can have the power to transcend all offenses, great and small, and learning to forgive another takes patience, honesty, and respect. When sincerely given freely in a relationship, forgiveness may heal relationships that are suffering. Forgiveness is an act of humility, not one of haughty feelings.
Make and keep clear agreements. For example, if you say you're going to meet your partner for lunch at noon, be on time, or call if you're going to be late. If you agree to have a monogamous relationship, keep that agreement and/or tell the truth about any feelings you're having about someone else before you act on them. Keeping agreements shows respect for yourself and your partner, as well as creating a sense of trust and safety.
Be Responsible. Here's a new definition: Responsible means that you have the ability to respond. It does not mean you are to blame. There is tremendous power in claiming your creation. If you've been snippy to your partner, own up to it, and get curious about how you might do it differently next time. If you are unhappy in your relationship, get curious about how this situation is similar to others from your past, and how you might create a better relationship for yourself rather than try to change your partner.
Approach your relationship as a learning experience. Each one has important information for you to learn. For example, do you often feel 'bossed' around in your relationship, or do you feel powerless? When a relationship is not working, there is usually a familiar way that we feel while in it. We are attracted to the partner with whom we can learn the most, and sometimes the lesson is to let go of a relationship that no longer serves us. A truly healthy relationship will consist of both partners who are interested in learning and expanding a relationship so that it continues to improve.
Appreciate yourself and your partner. In the midst of an argument, it can be difficult to find something to appreciate. Start by generating appreciation in moments of non-stress, and that way when you need to be able to do it during a stressful conversation, it will be easier. One definition of appreciation is to be sensitively aware so you don't have to be sugar-coating anything; so tell your beloved that you love him or her, and that you don't want to argue but to talk and make it better.
Review your expectations. Try to be as clear as you can about any expectations - including acceptable and unacceptable behaviour and attitudes, especially attitudes towards money. Make sure you don't expect your partner to fulfil every need in your life. One person cannot be everything to you. Everybody needs love, intimacy, affection, and affirmation, but your partner cannot alone give you all of that. You need to get some from your friends, from your family, but first and foremost, love yourself. Attempting to change someone else’s mode of processing or personality style won’t work -- and will create derailments.
Use communication to establish a common ground to understand different points of view and to create a mutual, collaborative agreement or plan. You can either choose to be right, or you can have a successful relationship. You can't always have both. Most people argue to be "right" about something. They say. "If you loved me, you would, " and argue to hear the other say, "Okay, you're right." If you are generally more interested in being right, this approach will not create a healthy relationship. Having a healthy relationship means that you have your experience, and your partner has his or her experience, and you learn to love and share and learn from those experiences.

Here are ten things you can do that will improve your relationship and will allow you to fall in love with your partner all over again!

1. Relationship difficulties may be painful but they represent the best chance you and your partner have to heal your insecurities and build a better relationship. Within each problem is an issue that both of you have, that is driving you apart - try to see problems as opportunities for improving the relationship. The trick is to find out what the emotional issue is at the heart of the problem.

2. Whenever you feel emotional pain in a relationship, resist the temptation to move away from your partner. This is the very time you need each other. Take courage and move towards your partner both physically and emotionally.

3. Communication about feelings and fears is what heals relationships. Always make this your objective. Try to find out what your partner is feeling. Expressing your own feelings with honesty and sensitivity will encourage your partner to do the same. Remember even bad behaviour is a form of communication!

4. Nobody can make you feeling anything that you are not already feeling subconsciously. It is hidden and unhealed emotional pain that is triggered by your partner's behaviour. Be willing to gain emotional awareness, take responsibility and heal these insecurities. As Ghandi said - ‘be the change you want to see in the world" - the same applies in our relationships.

5. Appreciate your partner for all their strengths, gifts and beauty - tell them and show them how much you love them. This is what you did when you fell in love with them, and it will work throughout your relationship. There is no reason that the ‘Honeymoon' stage of a relationship cannot last forever.

6. If you feel let down by your partner or feel that they are not giving you something important in the relationship, give them exactly the thing you are lacking. Almost magically they will then give you the same thing back!

7. Sex can be a beautiful celebration of love in a relationship - this is why we call it making love! Allow sex to move from a purely physical experience to one that is full of shared emotion - pour love into your partner as you have sex and make strong eye contact. If you have a spiritual belief, you can take sex to the highest Tantric level of physical, emotional and spiritual connection, where it feel like you become one with your partner.

8. If you have had a row, apologise for any of your own bad behaviour and recognise that your partner will also be feeling bad. Move towards them, forgive and re-connect as soon as you can. Start the meaningful communication about what lies at the heart of the argument.

9. If you are having really big problems in your relationship and you believe in a higher or spiritual power, then ask for help and guidance. In this way you will find the inspiration to work through the most tragic or painful situations. If you do not have a spiritual or religious belief, ask for help from your higher or intuitive mind.

10. Relationships fail because we allow a distance to appear between us and our partner. What we give in a relationship is what we receive. How much are you unconditionally giving to your partner? Give to your partner without any expectation of receiving and you will soon find that the joy and love returns to the relationship.

Introduction
Intimacy is a problem in an open relationship if you or your partner can't get past the idea that you share sexual moments with others. By definition, an open relationship means you have sex with others but stay emotionally committed to your partner. You need to constantly nurture that sexual relationship. Follow these steps to maintain intimacy.
Instructions
Difficulty: Moderate
Steps
1Step OneExplore whether you and your partner are really committed to an open relationship. Both of you have to agree wholeheartedly to prevent it from ruining your intimacy. Create a nonthreatening environment where each one of you can express your true opinion about the situation.
2Step TwoReassure your partner that sex with others in no way replaces the sex you have together. Your intimate moments are special in a way no one else can replicate. Give specific details about how your partner makes intimacy special in a way no one else can.
3Step ThreeAsk your partner if she's bored with your sexual activities. A positive answer will sting for a while but after you've had some distance from the situation it can help open you up to new experiences.
4Step FourGet romantic. Sexual intimacy precedes emotional closeness. Tap into the connection that brought you together in the first place. Recall special moments you had together that stimulated your sexual activity.
5Step FiveShow appreciation for all your partner gives you that no one else does. Write a romantic letter or poem that expresses this from your heart.
6Step SixBook a vacation to a romantic place like Hawaii or Paris. Create an exciting atmosphere with new experiences and candid talk. Let him know exactly what's on your mind.
7Step SevenTry something new with your partner. Take care not to introduce things you've experienced with others in your open relationship. You create intimacy by making rituals that no one else shares.

12 secrets of successful marriages
What do couples who make it to their ‘gold’ wedding anniversary and beyond do right? Find out some basic rules for living happily ever after…

Delicate balance
Any partnership is a fine balance between the self and the other, but if each one tries to be caring and sharing then both stand to gain.  Achieving this perfect balance between looking after one’s own needs and that of your partner is not always easy, but it is one of the secrets of a successful marriage.

First twelve months
After the excitement of the wedding and honeymoon, settling into day-to-day married life can seem a bit of an anti-climax and it’s possible to get the ‘post-wedding blues’. Remember that it’s perfectly normal to feel this way and it is the same after any major happy event, such as having a baby. This is a time when you have to adjust your expectations with some amount of flexibility and compromise. Remember that any marriage that survives the crucial first twelve months has a good chance of making it in the long term.

Fun and surprises
The way to hold onto the element of excitement is to inject an ongoing element of fun and surprise into your relationship.  It helps to keep your relationship alive and vibrant.  Plan unexpected treats from time to time.  This can be with outings, special meals or just in the way you dress.

Communication
Most counselling techniques recommended for couples involve improving communication between partners. An exercise that you could try is sitting down with one another and writing 3 things each wishes to discuss. Then take turns to listen to the other uninterrupted for 10 minutes. It’s useful to remember that generally men are wary of conversations that are about emotions. However, as they like finding solutions, you are more likely to get a response if you present your problem and ask for their help in finding an answer. Also, remember it is as important to listen as it is to talk!

For better or worse

Some personal habits of your partner can be irritating. Accept the ones that won’t change and that you can live with.  For the ones that you can’t, keep up with the gentle reminders and remember to show appreciation when your partner does make an effort to change.

A hug a day
Studies have shown that being touched and caressed helps to reduce blood pressure and releases oxytocin, a chemical that is essential for human bonding.  Even when you don’t have time to talk, a hug and a smile will convey as much as a thousand words.

More carrots
If you want to bring about change, remember that reward is always a better tactic than punishment. Giving your partner a hard time could actually just may make them more resistant. Learn to ignore when they get it wrong, but show appreciation when they get it right.

Common courtesy
It may sound old-fashioned but showing respect to your partner is essential for a good relationship. Just because you are married, doesn’t mean that that the rule of common courtesy changes.  Ask yourself – would I behave in the same way with my best friend?

Giving space
The reason you got married was because you wanted to be with your partner.  However, this doesn’t mean that you need to be together at every available moment.  Allow yourself and your partner to explore new things and do things that interest them.  If you can’t share the same activity, why not use the time when your partner is busy with a hobby or interest to do something that only you like.

Personal development
Maintain your interest in hobbies and interests that you had before marriage.  Just because your partner is not interested in the activity doesn’t mean you have to give up on it.  Don’t hesitate to try out new challenges, it will build your confidence as an individual and is likely to make your marriage more interesting as well.

Sex and intimacy
Early on in your relationship, teach your partner exactly what buttons to push to get you turned on, including the one fail-safe way to satisfy you.  Sharing this vital piece of information will save years of discontentment and frustration.  Of course, it doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t continue to explore new and exciting ways for greater intimacy.

Simple rule
Whether one follows the concept of karma or not, it is hard to argue with the simple rule that it is our actions that produce good or adverse outcomes. Taking responsibility in the relationship is key to its success.  As Deepak Chopra, self-help guru, says, ‘If you want joy, give joy to others; if you want love, learn to give love; if you want attention and appreciation, learn to give attention and appreciation.’

Hi Guy out there if you know u dont pay ur TITHES in the church then go to this passage in the bible and see how we are stealing from God.

Read this

Malachi 3
1 "See, I will send my messenger, who will prepare the way before me. Then suddenly the Lord you are seeking will come to his temple; the messenger of the covenant, whom you desire, will come," says the LORD Almighty.

2 But who can endure the day of his coming? Who can stand when he appears? For he will be like a refiner's fire or a launderer's soap. 3 He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver; he will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver. Then the LORD will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness, 4 and the offerings of Judah and Jerusalem will be acceptable to the LORD, as in days gone by, as in former years.

5 "So I will come near to you for judgment. I will be quick to testify against sorcerers, adulterers and perjurers, against those who defraud laborers of their wages, who oppress the widows and the fatherless, and deprive aliens of justice, but do not fear me," says the LORD Almighty.

Robbing God
6 "I the LORD do not change. So you, O descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed. 7 Ever since the time of your forefathers you have turned away from my decrees and have not kept them. Return to me, and I will return to you," says the LORD Almighty.
"But you ask, 'How are we to return?'

8 "Will a man rob God? Yet you rob me.
"But you ask, 'How do we rob you?'
"In tithes and offerings. 9 You are under a curse—the whole nation of you—because you are robbing me. 10 Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this," says the LORD Almighty, "and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have room enough for it. 11 I will prevent pests from devouring your crops, and the vines in your fields will not cast their fruit," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "Then all the nations will call you blessed, for yours will be a delightful land," says the LORD Almighty.

13 "You have said harsh things against me," says the LORD.
"Yet you ask, 'What have we said against you?'

14 "You have said, 'It is futile to serve God. What did we gain by carrying out his requirements and going about like mourners before the LORD Almighty? 15 But now we call the arrogant blessed. Certainly the evildoers prosper, and even those who challenge God escape.' "

16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.

17 "They will be mine," says the LORD Almighty, "in the day when I make up my treasured possession. [a] I will spare them, just as in compassion a man spares his son who serves him. 18 And you will again see the distinction between the righteous and the wicked, between those who serve God and those who do not.

Throughout our experience working with long distance relationship couples, we had discovered that there are lots of thing that we must do and as well as refrain from doing in order to survive the relationship. Below are some of the advices that we have compiled over the years. Although they may look simple but when it comes to the actual execution, it may take more than your effort and discipline. It is your desire to survive the relationship that makes the most impact in writing the outcome of your distance relationship. Consider some of the below do and don’t list and together with your desire, I am pretty sure you are able to conquer your distance relationship with ease and fun.

Do’s

1) Establish an effective communication channel
The very first thing that you must do in a long distance relationship is to establish an effective communication channel. Most people will think that telephone is the most convenient mode of communication but apart from the telephone services, there are some other alternative you can use. Instant messenger, emails, VOIP phone and conventional mails can be very effective if you know how to use them. Each of the communication channels has its own advantages and disadvantages and therefore you must start to explore each of them to enhance your communication experience.

2) Plan to meet each other
There is nothing more important than planning to meet each other again at an interval of time throughout the period of your long distance relationship. This will help both you and your partner to catch up with each other over the things that you cannot do while apart. The anticipation of seeing each other again will always give you the excitement, hope and as well as eliminating the lonely feeling in your LDR.

3) Build hobby that you can both share
By building and keeping a hobby, both of you will have something to discuss and work on throughout your distance relationship. Finding something to do online can be quite interesting judging from its speed and reach ability but never leave out conventional hobby as well because you do not need to have your partner’s physical present to share a hobby.

4) Surprise your partner
Occasionally surprise you partner with cards, gifts, letter and flower out of their expectation apart from your normal correspondence. Put your imagination to use and your partner will be sure to love your effort in keeping them happy. Sending the unexpected gifts to your partner will always spice up your distance relationship regardless how far your partner may be.

5) Capture and share that interesting moment
Throughout the period of your LDR, you can always capture some interesting moment of yours by exchanging photos, video clips and as well as audio recording. This will indirectly keep your partner informed on what has happen in your life despite the physical distance.

Don’ts

1) Settle for a temporary replacement
One of the mistakes that a distance relationship couple often make is to settle for a temporary replacement when their partner is not physical around. By letting a third party into your life, you will not only put your distance relationship to risk but you will also break the mutual trust and agreement that you make. Although it may not be done intentionally but this type of mistake will be very costly to your long distance relationship.

2) Take the relationship lightly
The absence of your partner does not give you the license to dictate and manipulate the relationship. You must remember that, your partner has their own right to participate in any decision making toward the well being of your relationship regardless where there are. A long distance relationship is also as important as a normal relationship and your partner has their own right to be treated fairly.

3) Wait and see attitude
Most of the failures in distance relationship that we observed are contributed by the wait and see attitude of the couples themselves. This was caused by the insecurity of the couple as they do not think that the LDR will work but at the same time they do not want to put a stop to the relationship. Let me tell you this, if you plan to have this kind of attitude, refrain from walking into one at the first place because both you and your partner will suffer in the relationship. In a LDR, both partners must be committed and proactive in bringing the relationship to a higher level.

4) Suspicion
There are no rooms for suspicion in a long distance relationship. In order for you to survive your distance relationship, you must learn to trust your partner whole heartedly. A single suspicion will break the bond you have for each other and it is a beginning of the end if you start to suspect your partner at any point of your LDR. Although it is easier said than done but trust me, if your partner is apt to do something unfaithful to you, they will still do it under your nose. Therefore there is no need for you to create such unnecessary stress in your LDR.

5) Succumb to negative comment on LDR
Couples in distance relationship always make a mistake by believing that LDR do not work. The negative impression you have in LDR will eventually hunt you down and destroy your relationship if you choose to listen to the negative comment. Therefore, once you have decided to enter into a long distance relationship, you must learn to believe that your relationship will work. I knew it because I had successfully conquered my own distance relationship due to the reason that I am not influence by any of the bad comments I received.

If you do not know how to deal with shyness, your attitude may be misinterpreted as a sign of rudeness or a lack of interest. For example, if you are in the company of a friend's friend and you hardly speak at all, it may be taken as a sign that you do not want to talk to them. If your friend runs to your defense and says that you are "just shy", then that is the only time that other people will understand.

What if there is no other friend to defend your attitude? For this reason, you should know how to deal with shyness and take steps towards slowly climbing your way up in getting over it. Much like a lifelong disease, you may not completely overcome shyness that is why you should know how to deal with it and live a full life despite having this feeling. Take a look at these tips on how to deal with shyness:

1. Be comfortable with who you are

One of the main causes of shyness is feeling insecure about one's self. All fears should be conquered from the inside. Shyness is a fear of speaking in front of a group of people out of fear of being embarrassed that is why you need to be comfortable with who you are first. Once you have a total acceptance of who you are as a person, other people will react to your renewed sense of self-confidence. In turn, once you have enough self-confidence, you will feel more comfortable facing other people in any given social situation.

2. Identify your strengths and use them as a foundation to boost your self-esteem.

In life, we try to compensate for the things that that we lack by making up for it in other ways. The same thing holds true in overcoming shyness. If you feel that shyness is negative quality that you just cannot seem to do anything about, then make up for it in other ways. It is important to determine your strengths and weaknesses. So you know that you are painfully shy.

Take a look at the other side of the coin. What are your strengths and what makes you a unique character? Shyness cannot be the entire aspect of your being. Once you have pinpointed your strengths, you can build them up and in turn, you can boost your self-esteem. This way, you can feel a lot better once you are in the company of others because you know that there is nothing to be insecure about since you do have plus points on your side.

3. Remember that overcoming shyness is a slow process but if you continually work on it, you can certainly achieve your goal.

Shyness cannot be cured or overcome in a span of one night, or even a week or a month. It is a tedious, slow and sometimes painful process. However, much like conquering your fear, you can never completely get over your shyness if you do not do anything about it. Take it one step at a time. Start by being more open to conversation with people that you often meet.

If you do not normally chat with the grocer on the store that you always go to, try doing so now. If you often lounge in your apartment on a Friday night, try going out with your friends for a change. Take exercise classes, self-development classes, join a sport that you have always wanted to try. Letting yourself adapt to a new environment will make you meet a lot of people who will help you get over your shyness eventually.

I’m a big believer in surrounding yourself with great people. Quality relationships bring out your best, cheer you on when you need a boost, give you nudges and a kick in the pants when you are stuck.

While all relationships might not be ideal, looking around at those who influence, challenge, and support you is worthwhile.
Think about the people you hang around with - your friends, family, colleagues, business associates and even your significant other.

• How do you feel when you're with them?
• How do you feel when you leave them?
• Do they encourage and support you to be your best?
• Do they lift your spirits?
• Do they contribute to your success? (referrals, leads, share resources and ideas)

If not, it’s time to take an inventory of the people you associate with. In other words….it may be time to let some folks go or change how you interact with them. Think of it as decluttering your emotional and psychological environment!

Now, I know you may have family members who might fit into the category of folks who don’t support you the way you need and you don’t want eliminate them from your life, right? (or do you?) In that instance, I suggest being very selective about what you divulge especially if family comments negatively affect you. Pick safe, neutral topics and keep your expectations realistic. What I’m saying is - expect them to be as they always are, rather than who you wish they’d magically become, ok?

Aside from family relationships, I want to make a point about something I believe:
I think it’s very important to look at the people you align with in any way in friendship, business relationships or professional services. The people you form relationships with become part of your network. If you align (affiliate) with people of low moral character, lack of integrity or any other quality that is out of alignment with who you are, there is a backlash that comes back to you. It might be as a negative reflection on your reputation or a magnet for negative energy.

I think of it like a Law of Attraction.
Today I bumped into a friend and colleague at a networking event. She looked terrific. Best I’ve seen her look in years. When I asked her how things were going, she beamed and announced she had just formed a new partnership and gave me her business card. New company, name and business focus. Hallelujah! After years of struggling in her prior company with a partner who was a mismatch from the get-go, she finally took the steps to put her business and her life back on the track to success. No wonder she looked so good!

• What are you hanging on to?
• Who are you hanging on to?
• What’s it costing you to hang on? (money, time, peace of mind, your health!)
• What do you know (right in your gut) it’s time to let go of?
• How bad does it have to get before you let it/them go?

Success tips:
1. Network with other successful people. Cultivate personal and business relationships.
2. Contribute to other people’s success. Help other people succeed for the joy of it. Watch how much success comes back to you. (Law of Attraction).
3. Join a Mastermind group or start one. Create opportunities to collaborate and brainstorm with other success - minded people.
4. Develop strategic alliances and joint ventures to expand your value to customers and clients.
5. Continue to grow as a person. Your life is a mirror image of who you are. If you don’t like the picture, the good news is that you can change that by investing in your personal and business development. It’s an investment that will provide enormous returns.

What changes do you need to make in your relationships to build a stronger community of support

Our choice of partners is a staged process. First is the awareness of the others appealing appearance and/or personality; discovery of similarities; then a state of emotional arousal; and finally, the revelation of deeper psychological needs.

Recognizing the SEVEN aspects of a toxic relationships pattern can help you see what is happening in your life and get out of continual frustration, pain and sadness faster.

1. Repetitiveness

You have been involved in more than one relationship that initially offered the conditions of hope but failed to live up to its fulfillment. The people may be different but the beginnings and endings are the same again and again.

2. A conflict

No matter how good the feelings are initially, deep down inside, you knew and felt that there was something about the relationship that made you uncomfortable, or left you feeling anxious, uncertain, worried, jealous, distressed etc.

3. A bodily sensation

You experience a discomforting but familiar biological response that is triggered by something the other person said or did. For example your anxiety level jumping ten points, a sudden knot in your stomach or pain in your forehead.

4. A feeling of deep loss

When a relationship ends, you are left with a sense of loss of something (or rather the hope of something). You experience emptiness where you once felt a ‘real’ connection, no matter how infused with uncertainty, shame, humiliation, pain or suffering the relationship was.

5. Obsessing

You’ve thought about it or actually believe that the rejecting response of the other is due to your own words or actions driving them away but still entertain the notion that you can somehow transform the other person into the loving accepting person that you are so desperately and obsessively seeking.

6. An underlying vulnerability

Your sense of your own self-worth is threatened; and you feel bad in the sense that, as much as you have functioned as a resource for others and have done well where the use of good coping and conflict resolution skills are maximized, you feel overwhelmed and very vulnerable.

7. Disowned parts of self

Underneath the surface, there are deep roots from which your boding patterns have grown. These imprints of are like the fuel that intensifies the negative bonding pattern.

Understanding your deeper psychological needs removes some of the mystery from the force that drives you into the arms of one person, while pushing you away from another who might appear equally desirable to any unbiased observer. It is really possible to break away from a toxic relationships pattern and begin enjoying healthy, happy, and fulfilling long-term relationships.

About the Author: Christine Akiteng is an internationally renowned Sexual Confidence/Dating Coach and author of eBook: The Art Of Seducing Out Of Fullness™. Her unique approach to dating has helped hundreds create positive, constructive, honest and fulfilling relationships.

Is it okay to be romantically involved with an unbeliever? Ask a passionate, believing adolescent who has fallen victim to Cupid's religiously indiscriminate arrow, and you will get a different answer than if you ask an ascetic pastor of thirty years.

Or ask the believing wife of an unbelieving husband, and you will receive a different response than if you ask someone whose wife converted to Christ before marriage. Even our own reply to this question may change over the years.

There was a time when I thought it would be a cruel and unusual punishment if we could not exercise our free will to date anyone we chose. But over the years, I began to see that our true misfortune would be to have an unbelieving partner and have to live with such fundamental differences with our loved one.

Despite the variety of our responses, the Bible is quite clear about this issue. Throughout the Old Testament, the Lord commanded His chosen people not to intermarry with foreigners "because they will surely turn your hearts to their gods" (1 Kg 11:2). After Jesus Christ opened the door of salvation to all people, the Scriptures continued to instruct believers to keep holy and be separate from unbelievers:

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? What does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? (2 Cor 6: 14-16)

God commands against intermarriage with unbelievers out of love for His chosen people. He wants His children to marry within the same faith so that a husband and wife will provide spiritual companionship, not hindrance, to each other on the lifelong journey toward the heavenly kingdom. Yet even though God's stance against the union of a believer and an unbeliever is definite, we often struggle with this command. What challenges do we face and how can we deal with them?

The Singles: "Not Enough Fish in the Water"
Many single believers claim with despair that "there is no suitable match for me in church," and use this complaint as a rationale to look for someone outside of church. If we inquire further, however, we quickly learn that while such believers will usually agree that there are available brothers and sisters in Christ, they feel that the available ones seem to fall short of their individual "ideal." It may be that they are not good-looking enough, their education is not high enough, or they are not wealthy enough. Perhaps their personality is not compatible enough, or they are not eloquent, fashionable, or humorous enough. The list goes on.

Is it true that among believers there are not enough fish in the water? Certainly, if we aim to build our relationship mainly on what man sees on the outside, then even an ocean-full of fish would not be enough.

In the story of the prophet Samuel anointing David as King of Israel, God instructed Samuel to go to the house of Jesse and anoint the one whom God had chosen. God did not tell Samuel ahead of time who that chosen one would be, and when Samuel arrived, even he, a prophet, initially mistook David's brother Eliab as the chosen one because of his height and appearance. What was God's response? "The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart" (1 Sam 16:7). In our search for our other half some of us make the same mistake that Samuel did: we base our choice on appearance and secular qualities, failing to recognize the match God has chosen for us.

The story continues: "Jesse had seven of his sons pass before Samuel, but Samuel said to him, 'the Lord has not chosen these'" (1 Sam 16:10). Imagine the growing disappointment that Samuel felt as each son passed by and he did not see the right one. After the seventh one, there were no others in sight. Yet Samuel believed in God's words, so he asked Jesse if he had any other sons, and then waited for the least likely one to arrive, whom even his own father had overlooked. Samuel did not wait in vain because the one that came to him last was indeed God's chosen one, David.

This story shows us that we need to have enough patience and faith to wait for God's plan for our marriage to be realized. Sometimes we may begin to lose hope and faith in God after a couple of disappointments with potential matches. If only we could be like Samuel, who despite at first making the mistake of looking only at the appearance of Jesse's sons, was then able to sustain his faith and wait for God's will to come to fruition. Samuel did not face just one or two disappointments; he was disappointed seven times, yet he kept his faith because he knew that God does not lie. There are plenty of fish in the water, if only we recognize their true qualities and can wait patiently for the right one in God's time.

The Romantically Attached: "I Could Convert My Unbelieving Partner"
Those who are romantically involved with a nonbeliever have their own struggles. Many church members feel that there is nothing wrong with dating or marrying a nonbeliever because they may eventually "convert" their partner. They may even think that it is God's will for them to date an unbeliever as a way to bring one more person to the Lord. To support this view, these believers often cite successful examples of unbelieving partners converting to Christ before marrying a believer. As encouraging and heartwarming as these testimonies are, many people fail to recognize the special qualities of these examples.

For one thing, the believers in these testimonies hold fast to seeking God's will first. They do not pursue a relationship based on chemistry or personal preferences alone. First and foremost, they uphold God's commandment not to intermarry, and they resolve not to begin a relationship with anyone who does not show an interest or a potential to believe. When they sense that God is leading them to get to know a nonbeliever who is interested in seeking after the truth, they proceed with caution. They guard their hearts so that they will not fall in love first and then need to beg God to convert their significant other in order to prevent heartbreak. With each step they take, these believers always seek God's will and guidance before acting on their own desires.

Also underlying their actions is a tremendous amount of humility. These believers understand that they cannot convert their partners with charm or persuasive eloquence alone. They know that only God can move or change a person's heart. Consider King Solomon, who despite his immense wisdom, wealth, and power, could not convert his foreign wives to worship his one true God. Instead, these wives turned the heart of a great king to become unfaithful to the Lord (1 Kg 11:1-13). If a king could not convert his unbelieving spouses to the Lord and, worse yet, failed to maintain his faith because of intermarriage with them, how much more likely are we to falter spiritually if we are yoked with an unbeliever!

Certainly, there are times when God may work through our love relationship to bring our partner to Christ. But God's choice--not ours--is the key in determining who the unbeliever is. Following the footsteps of those in the "successful examples," we need to make it our goal always to seek God's will first and to let God show us the person we should date and marry. That means that if someone we are interested in or are dating is not taking positive steps to seek God, then we should not progress further with the relationship. Even if the person does show an interest in knowing God, we still need to follow God's will before our own. That may mean resolving to wait until our partner is baptized and has established his or her own faith before we get married.

The Intermarried: "A Different Breed"
Believers who are married to nonbelievers have some of the toughest struggles. Some may feel guilt-ridden and regret the choice they have made. Many suffer great agony from standing at odds with their loved ones regarding fundamental beliefs. Often, a spiritual battleground replaces the warmth and intimacy that we all desire at home. Explosive disagreements may rage over beliefs and values, or a pervasive sense of difference may bring a chilling estrangement among family members. Day in and day out, these believers are weighed down by a kind of cross that most brothers and sisters do not share. Consequently, many of these believers see themselves as "different," perhaps even as "second-class believers" in the church. What hope is there in this despairing state?

Apostle Paul encouraged those believers who intermarried with nonbelievers to stay with their spouses, "for the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy" (1 Cor. 7:14).

Paul's teaching is both uplifting and important. He did not instruct the believers to coerce their unbelieving spouse to seek God, nor did he encourage them to wallow in self-pity over their situation. Instead, he enlightened the believers about the sanctification of their spouses through them. In other words, he exhorted the believers to take heart and strive forward in their Christian walk and, through their Christ-like behavior, to inspire their unbelieving spouses to seek and come to know God, and therefore to become sanctified.

This is by no means an easy process. Years ago, it took my mother three consecutive years of morning fasting and prayer everyday, as well as several major events that bore witness to God's abidance, to bring my unbelieving father into the Christian fold. True to the words of the apostle Paul, through my mother's faith and resolve to put God's teachings into action, my father was able to see and experience God, and began the process of sanctification through baptism into Christ.

Believers who have intermarried with unbelievers often face another problem--without realizing it, many of us in church regard these believers as somehow different from us. At best we see them as weak in faith, while at worst we imprint a scarlet letter on their foreheads and consider them as fallen believers to the grave sin of intermarriage. With such attitudes, we often behave in ways that alienate these believers and their spouses from us. Out of prejudice or discomfort, we may fail to interact with them with genuine warmth and respect, or we may keep an uncaring distance from them. Rarely do we take the time to get to know them truly, to learn about the journeys they have taken, or to listen to their struggles. Not surprisingly, we often end up treating these believers and their loved ones as outsiders in the "family of Christ."

When a stirred-up crowd sought to condemn an adulterous woman, Jesus told them that whoever is without sin may cast the first stone. One by one the people left, until only Jesus and the woman remained (Jn 8:3-11). Often we behave just like the people in this crowd, ever so ready to see other people's faults. Yes, intermarriage is against God's teachings, but do we not all have sins and shortcomings, great and small? We lie, anger easily, and are unrighteous in countless ways before God. None of us is without sin, so who among us has the right to condemn those who are in an interfaith relationship? To those who would judge others, Jesus gave a stern warning: "Do not judge or you too will be judged . . . 'why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers' eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?'" (Mt 7:1-3).

Besides, judging our fellow brethren will only drive them away from church at a time when they most need the support and love of brothers and sisters to strengthen their beliefs. We should rejoice that God has kept them within the fold, giving us the opportunity to support them in their struggle and to pour out our love to them through prayers of intercession. As much as the believing spouses need to take up the cross to pray for their own faith and for their unbelieving partner, the church also needs to take up the cross of prayer for these brethren. It is this kind of loving act that will strengthen and sustain the faith of the believing partners and move God to extend His mercy and grace upon those who struggle with interfaith relationships.

Whether we are single, romantically involved with someone outside of church, or intermarried with a nonbeliever--or even if we are not actively struggling with this matter--the issue of interfaith relationships touches us all. Although we all know that interfaith relationships are against God's will, each of us must struggle with this command in our own way. Some battle against their misconceptions related to this teaching, while others live in despair from a choice they made years ago. Even those who appear not to have direct involvement with this issue may stumble by passing judgment on those who have intermarried. We may not have the same struggles, but weaknesses and imperfections are our common lot. With compassion, love, and prayers of intercession, we should strive to help each other overcome the various temptations and misconceptions that ensnarl us regarding the delicate matters of the heart.

About 85% of sexually active women who do not use contraceptives become pregnant within a year. A woman can also become pregnant while breastfeeding and from about 10 days after childbirth and even during her menstruation. Withdrawal of the penis prior to ejaculation during intercourse (coitus interruptus) and periodic abstinence do not effectively prevent pregnancy nor provide protection against STDs. Here you can read more about several forms of contraceptives.

You can prevent an unwanted pregnancy with:
1- Total Abstinence
2- Use of contraceptives

To prevent unwanted pregnancy always use a form of contraception when you are sexually active.

Contraception methods
No method of contraception gives a 100% protection.
The male latex condom is the only contraceptive method considered highly effective in reducing the risk of STDs. Birth control pills, Implant and IUDs do not protect against STD infection.

For the Woman
DIAPHRAGM is a rubber disk with a flexible rim that covers the cervix and must be used together with spermicide. It is available by prescription only and must be sized by a health professional. The diaphragm protects for six hours and should be left in place for at least six hours after the last intercourse but not for longer than a total of 24 hours.

ORAL CONTRACEPTIVES protect against pregnancy by the combined actions of the hormones estrogens and progestin. The hormones prevent ovulation. The pills have to be taken every day as directed and do not work after vomiting or diarrhoea. Side effects of the pill can be nausea, headache, breast tenderness, weight gain, irregular bleeding, and depression.

DEPO-PROVERA is a hormonal contraceptive injected into a muscle on the arm or buttock every three months. The injection must be repeated every 3 months. The menstruation can become irregular and sometimes even absent.

IMPLANTS (such as Norplant or implanon) are made up of small rubber rods, which are surgically implanted under the skin of the upper arm, where they release the contraceptive steroid levonorgestrel. Their protection lasts from 3 to 5 years. Side effects include menstrual cycle changes, weight gain, breast tenderness and loss of bone mass.

IUD is a T-shaped device inserted into the uterus by a health-care professional. The IUD can remain in place for 5- 10 years. IUD’s have one of the lowest failure rates of contraceptive method. Sometimes the IUD can be expelled and a woman has to check each month after her period with her finger if she can still feel the threads of the IUD. Other side effects can include abnormal bleeding, and cramps but this occurs mostly only during and immediately after insertion.

FEMALE STERILIZATION is done surgically. The tubes are ligated as a result of which the egg-cells can not encounter the sperm cells anymore and thus the woman can not get pregnant. It is a permanent form of contraception.

EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION must be taken within 72 hours of unprotected sex in order to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. A woman must take 1 Norlevo and a second pill 12 to 24 hours later. Beside Norlevo, most combination (estrogens and progesterone) birth control pills can also be used. Take within 72 hours of unprotected sex. One dose 100 µg ethinylestradiol + 500 µg levonorgestrel (2-4 birth control pills), 12 hours later a second dose.


MORNING-AFTER IUD must be inserted within 5 days of unprotected intercourse. The IUD can stay for 5 to 10 years.

For the Man
CONDOMS are mostly made from latex rubber and can be used only once. Some have spermicide added to kill sperm. They act as a mechanical barrier, preventing direct vaginal contact with semen, infectious genital discharges, and genital lesions. Condoms are the most effective method for reducing the risk of infection from the viruses that cause AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STD’s). It is important to use it well and put the condom on before intercourse

MALE STERILIZATION also known as vasectomy, is a quick operation performed under local anaesthesia with possible minor postsurgical complications, such as bleeding or infection. The ability to get an erection and an ejaculation does not disappear. The sperm cells are just a very small part (1%) of the fluid and a man will not notice any difference in ejaculation. The body will absorb the sperm cells.

Safety rates of different methods of contraception

Estimated Effectiveness:

• Male Latex Condom 86%.
• Female Condom 79%.
• Diaphragm with Spermicide 80%.
• Oral Contraceptives Over 95%.
• Injection (Depo-Provera) Over 99%.
• Implant (Norplant, Implanon) Over 99%.
• IUD (Intrauterine Device). 98-99 %
• Surgical Sterilisation Over 99%
• Emergency Contraceptives: 75%.

Lowest expected Typical Use Pregnancy-rate Pregnancy-rate
• Male Sterilisation 0.15% 0,1%
• Female Sterilisation 0.5% 0,5%
• Implant 0.09% 0,9%
• Hormone Shot 0.3% 0,3%
• Combined Pill 5% 0,1%
• Minipill (Progestin only) 5% 0,5%
• IUD 0.8% 0,6%
• Condom 14% 3%
• Diaphragm 20% 9%
• Periodic abstinence 5-40%
• No Method: 85% 85%