₦airaland Forum

yes I ve shitted on ma partner bfo she caught Me nd I wud do it again.. So what..anyways niggas make 20k plus in a week, in a very easy platform..I swear u have nothn to lose..cant drop d details here so contact me or on facebook @ kingdaydee@yahoo.com

Cos dey Re stupid simple..any wayz guys what impact wud an xtra 20k a day do in ur life..wanna knw d simple secrets holla @ me on facebook on kingdaydee@yahoo.com ... Don't miss dis sweet oppurtunity. Hello hard to get ladies.

WTF..davido is 20..Dear GOD i am above 20 nd sincerly...my gt bank account is red. **sobs** baba GOD in heaven...i cant sing but sincerely, help me to get to point where i forget i wrote this, nd be calable to giv nairaland peeps more than 500k. thank u in advance for i knw dis prayer is answered

taiwo09: u got us bcus we are idle...imo!!!

awww!!!

rafhell: you got me there
nice one

yipee..*laffn hysterically..thank u

BREAKING NEWS:
Rihanna is pregnant and Chris is responsible.
Rihanna, this morning admitted to being
pregnant and said she is more than capable
to take care of a child on her own.
Rihanna came clean after confrontation by
Chris’ girlfriend as to how it happened.
Rihanna Mmaduakor, a house help in Onitsha
Anambra state, admitted to having an affair
with her employer, Mr Chris Obi
Hahahaaaaaa!
Una 2 LIKE GIST SEF haba!!!!!
Happy New Week In Advance.. AS I PULL YA LEGS......

Very simple na.. U re d biggest fool.. 4 dis piece of shi't

yeah i disvergened all these nairaland babes @Slicqy prizzy yeah @rokiatu, @Enoquin @lepasharon yeah nd @candieangel12 quite weird4 an ugly nigga like me

chai..nd i dnt v a bb oo, ok i ve whatsapp nau..08033207444. note m palmwine tapper..seriously interested in.tappn wine.wiv me , u re welcome.(yawns) re gurls checkn dis thread self, i so much doubt it..sobs ..dear boiz pleaseread this nd like it 4me sha evn though its 1..zooms outta thread...m yanning dust already, i knw.

i find laff taya for dis joke but laff no cum ooo.. nairaland jokes no cum dey make sense again,..na dose garri joke cum dey vex.me pass self.

AIIT EVERYTIME IS NOT JOKE..THIS IS SERIOUS MATTER
i'm a boy of 17yrs and in high school. The only problem is that about four years ago, i went to a youth christian church retreat and as the pastor was preaching, he talked about[b] masturbation[/b].Thats the first time ever i've
heard of it. He explained how its been done and urged the youth never to do such thing. I came
home after that three days retreat and i learnt many things bout God. Oneday, my eldest brother, brought a po,rn dvd disc to the house and hid it under his matress. I saw it and when nobody was in the house, i started to
watch it. I sat near the window with the remote in my hand. I erected very hard that since the day i
was born, i did not experience before. I enjoy the porn anytime no one is at home. My brother thought he is the
only one who watches the porn but he was wrong. This went on for about two weeks. Iwas
watching the po,rn and i brought out my hardthick pen.is to see it and i remembered what the pastor said at the retreat. I followed the same procedure and i enjoyed it equally as those acting it. I realise its very fantastic and awesome. Because my parents go to work and nobody stays at home on week days, i decided to pause school and be doing my sweet masturbation. I like it very much. When i came to high school, i refused to attend boarding.because i wont get my privacy to masturbate. My parents refused. But i said If they wont allow me to go 2 day school, i wont go to school at all. they agrd n let me be a day student. . Evn whn am sad or angry, imediatly i masturbate, i'll fil gud again. Am a very handsme boy, and many people tells me. But i dont care.I dnt follow girls too. In general, since d day i startd to masturbate,the issue of girls deflated from my mind. Now its been a lng time since i started and
i planned to quit bout a yr ago. I fasted and prayed. Fine i was able to stop for a month. Then i feel much urge like doing it. I started again. a few period, i prayed earnestly to God to take my life and let it be. He should restore everything i lost. But am still the same.Sometimes, i've been tickling the whole parts of my body and i feel infact great.Because of this i never mind to get a girlfriend. I dnt chase girls. I dnt sit near girls because they dnt attract me. Some thought i dnt like them. Mostly myclass mates. My mum was very proud of mebecause i'm not like my brother Or father if i may say. But she doesnt knw my story is different. I told some of my friends on the net (foreigners.) and they told me its nothing. Now,my only problem is aboutmy future. What will my
future be like? Will i be glued still to this masturbation even if am married? i had sex once with a friend who forced me and i ddnt enjoy it atall. After which i went and masturbated again. iTold a Doctor which came to check us up at school maybe he can get me some drugs. he said he'll take me to a pastor. I've never set my eyes onthat doctor again since then.
I
wnt seriouse advicefrnds,
i wsh u culd inbx me too.
Because i always
masturbate. Even today,
i've done it.

A pastor was praying for a man
possessed with demon[/color]. He said in the
name of Jesus,what do you want from
this man,speak up before i cast you
out this moment!."The demon answered;
I want him to win the [color=#000099]America lotto
draw worth $200billion[color=#006600][/color] tonight. The
pastor lowers the microphone and
whispered; get out of him and enter
into me!

I have a big problem please help!

I have a gal friend that i call my close friend, things between us are always cool when am SINGLE, but once i say am dating then she stop calling me, she avoids me, and she shows it by her action that she got nothing to do with me UNTIL i say am SINGLE AGAIN... i really like this friend of mine and she doesn't know it hurts when she push me away just because am DATING.

what could be the problem with my friend? and
what can i do, for her not to behave in that way again?

Serious advice please!

Once my lover invited me to her home. Whe I went there she wasn't there.Her sister was alone home. She was looking sexy. She askedme why don't we've sex now ? Suddenly I got up and walked towards my bike. That time my lover was standing at the door. She hugged me andsaid you won my test, I will marry you.
MORALE OF THE STORY: Always keep condoms in bike.

[b]A man dies and goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country.

He goes to the German hell and asks, "What do they do here?”

He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you
on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and beats you for the rest of the day."

The man does not like the sound of that at all, so he moves on and checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more countries... He discovers that they are all more or less the same as the German hell...

Then he comes to the Nigerian hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in. Amazed, he asks, What do they do here?"

He was told, "First they put you in an electric chair for an hour..Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the Nigerian devil comes and beats you for the rest of the day."

"But that is exactly the same as all the other hells---so why are so many people waiting to get in here?" asked the man.

Because maintenance is so bad that the electric chair does not work, someone has stolen all the nails from the bed and the Indian devil is a former Govt. servant, so he comes in and signs the register and then goes to the canteen![/b][color=#990000][/color]

Doctor: Here is the medicine. Take four spoons daily.
Patient: But I don’t have four spoons in house. Do I have to buy one?

^^ laffn to it again

wel m back ooo...who's happy to see me

Boy: Where re Ugoing?
Girl: 2commit Suicide.
Boy: Then y so much of make-up?
Girl: U Idiot! Tomorrow, my photo
will come in Dnewspaper

baaack!!!
A NIGERIAN student sends an e-mail to his dad, saying:
Dear Dad,
Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I
am a bit ashamed to arrive at my college with my pure-gold Ferrari
599GTB when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by
train.
Your son,
PAUL
The next day, PAUL gets a reply to his e-mail from his dad:
My dear loving soN
Twenty million US Dollar has just been transferred to your account.
Please stop embarrassing us. Go and get yourself a train too.
Love,
your Dad

Eleven people were hanging on a
rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to
carry them all, so they decided that
one had to leave,
, Because otherwise they were all
going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that
person, until the woman gave a very
touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let
go of the rope, because, as a woman,
she was used to giving up everything
for her husband and kids or for men
in general,
and was used to always making
sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all
the men started clapping

Two men a Saudi Arabian and an
American are seraching for their lost
Wives the American asked the Saudi
what's your wife wearing the Saudi
replied she's covered up from head to
Toe the Saudi asked the American
what's your wife wearing the
American replied she's wearing a
short skirt and and a t shirt the Saudi
said the Hell with my Wife let's find
your Wife.

Two couples were playing cards. John accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed that Bill's wife was not wearing any underwear! Shocked by this, John hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, John went to the kitchen to get some refreshments. Bill's wife followed him and asked, "Did you see anything that you liked under there?"

John admitted that, well, yes he did.

She said "You can have it, but it will cost you $100."

After a minute or two, John indicates that he is interested. She tells him that since Bill works Friday afternoons and John doesn't, John should come to her house around 2:00 p.m. on Friday.

Friday came and John went to her house at 2:00 p.m. After paying her $100 they went to the bedroom, had sex, and then John left.

Bill came home about 6:00 P.M. He asked his wife, "Did John come by this afternoon?"

Reluctantly, she replied, "Yes, he did stop by for a few minutes."

Next Bill asked, "Did John give you $100?"

She thinks 'Oh hell, he knows!' Finally she says, "Yes, he did give me $100."

"Good," Bill says. "John came by the office this morning and borrowed $100 from me. He said that he would stop by our house on his way home and pay me back.

Jack is one HoR;NY guy and is not sure what to do about it. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a five dollar bill. Jack walks down the street to the local brothel and knocks on the door.

The madam opens the door and asks Jack what she can do for him. "I'm really Hot but I only have $5. What can you do for me?", Jack asks the madam. She looks over this fellow and tells him, "Don't worry we can take care of you. No problem".

She leads Jack into a room, and there is a chicken in the corner. Jack thinks about this a second and figures it can't be that bad. He gives the madam the $5 and she closes the door behind her.

Jack undresses and has the time of his life. When he's done he can't remember when he has had such a pleasurable experience.

One week later, and Hot again, Jack has saved up $10. Being a satisfied customer he goes back to the same madam and asks what she can do for him for $10.

"Well, for $10 we have a special show", the madam replies. She leads him into a different room where there are several other people sitting on benches. "Sit back and enjoy the show, Jack", the madam tells him. Jack gives the money to the madam and takes a seat.

Soon after, the lights dim and the blinds open revealing another room on the other side of a two way mirror where two women begin to UnCloth each other. Jack is very impressed. Clearly these women are unaware anyone is watching as they begin to make love to each other passionately. Apparently there is nothing they won't do to each other.

Jack once again feels like he is getting his money's worth. He turns to the person beside him and says, "This is a pretty good show for ten bucks eh?!".

The guy turns to Jack and says, "That's nothing,  last week we saw a guy f.UC.K a chicken".

The racing-car driver picked up a girl after a race, went home with her and took her to bed. He fell asleep only to be awakened suddenly when she smacked him in the face.

"What's the matter?!? Didn't I satisfy you when we screwed?" he asked.

"It was after you fell asleep that got you into trouble," said the angry woman. "In your sleep, you felt my tits and mumbled, 'What perfect headlights.' Then you felt my thighs and murmured, 'what a smooth finish.'"

"What's wrong with that?" asked the driver.

"Nothing, but then you felt my pussy and yelled, 'who the hell left the garage door open?'"

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging her to get back into the world.

Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant.

One room and the normal follow up to that. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can handle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he in his birthday suit, except that he has an erection on which he has a black condom.

She looks at him and asks, "What's with this, a black condom?"

He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences!"

SPERM BANK
A man wearing a Masquerade mask bursts into a sperm bank with a sawn-off shot gun. "Open the mutha-f**king safe!" he yells at the girl behind the counter.

"But we're not a real bank" replies the girl. "This is a sperm bank, we don't hold money".

"Don't f**kin argue with me - just open the goddam safe or I'll blow your f**king head off!"
She obliges and opens the safe door.

"Take one of the bottles and drink it!"

"But it's full of sperm" the girl replies nervously.

"Don't argue honey, just drink it" he says. She prises off the cap and gulps it down, every last drop.

"Take out another one and drink it too!" he demands. The girl drinks another one.

Suddenly the guy pulls off the Mask and to the girl's amazement it's her husband,

"Not that f**king difficult is it" he says.
How come you don’t like to drink mine when you suck?

eldav:
This thing nor suppose dry like dis na

wondering here also

eldav:
Kai,dude you are the bomb!!!

about to explode already