₦airaland Forum

pocohantas:
I have no single problem with the man not wanting another man’s child. I am not a fan of Telemundo love that accepts people with all their flaws and baggages. Life doesn’t work that way, the earlier some persons begin to accept this, the better for them.

Anyway, If you accept to marry a single mother/father- take whatever comes with it. The only exception should be if they hid certain things from you. Don’t lead them on and stop half way. It complicates things. This is my problem, not whether men should marry single mothers or not.

Belafonte:
Yet, the biological father has zero involvement in the boy’s life.

The stepdad has done more for the boy recently than the biological father. Why are you not asking for the boy to be sent to his father? We know his real father is alive.

jelel6:
After reading everything this man had to say here, I must say that people are really NOT NICE in this part of the World.

For a man who claims to be a grandfather, I'm truly disappointed to read such statements filled with senselessness and reflection. MY GOD! OH.

So, A MAN to you is 'some' man who sees a 12 year old boy facing life's struggles with the help of his Mom, the only responsible parent left, then decides to marry the mom into his home while leaving the boy to wander the earth alone?

So, A MAN to you is someone who THINKS the place of a 12 year old boy is not besides his mom and his step dad but WITH an Uncle with his wife?

Will this your version of A MAN take this very own uncle's child himself?

And a grandfather as you call yourself have the temerity and self-righteousness to called a struggling 12 year old boy a thief?

What did he steal? It could be a cup of garri when no food morning till afternoon! Perhaps, he saw Uncle giving his own children lunch money to buy biscuits, and couldn't handle the urge looking at uncle's junior munching biscuits buy the corner alone everyday.

So, you're telling us from your experience as a father that when a child makes a mistake, you send them away from the house to live with uncle's and aunties.

How many of YOUR OWN CHILDREN ARE STILL LEFT WITH YOU AT HOME? Because don't tell me they don't make mistakes even while leaving with their parents.

You even have the GUTS to talk about a "perfect child". Which perfect child?

Be honest and take a moment to reflect on the atrocities you have committed when you were only 12 years old.

Reflect. Reflect. Reflect. Did someone ship you off to Uncle's and Aunties?

It Sucks to be you Sir. I'm only glad I don't have to ever listen to you TALK.

seanwilliam:
People on nairaland are just talking with emotions and not fact/ reality

...
1. How on earth would you get two kids for a person you dont know his family?? This tells the kind of person u are.. the story is not adding up atall.. I need a very clear explanation for this..
2. Wether u pilfering at age 12 or 21 , na still thief you be, in as much you can differentiate your right and left hand then you know what is bad is bad..if his thieving act is not curbed on time , it might metamorphosed to robbery when gets older...every thief has an excuse or touching story.. so it is the responsibility of the woman to make sure the boy is corrected before it's too late

3. That woman shouldnt be an ingrate haba, single MAN married you with your baggage and you still talking as if it is his right to shoulder your mistakes, well you get luck sha
4. That woman doesn't love the man atall.. he married him for her selfish interest
5. Your own family , I mean your people related by blood cant keep up or shoulder your baggage and u wanna make an innocent man to suffer for what he knew nothing about hahahah. You are very wicked..
6. You're still an ingrate, because afterall the man accepted one of the kids, you are not even thankful, and you washing the man dirty linen outside that he is not financially responsible ( u said he doesn't buy things for the daughter) and that you pay 70 % of the Bill's.. let me tell you one thing, pray the man doesn't get to see this on nairaland because if he does, you are a goner already..


.

No matter how u want to say it, you brought this on yourself.. oyinbo say fool me once, you're a fool , fool me twice then I'm indeed a fool( u give person two kids without knowing him relatives?? Hahaha, you self hear am)..



It is not advisable to marry a single mother. no matter how you want to twist it ,it will mostly end in tears.. reasons are
1. The lady cant love you genuinely, she just wants a fatherly figure for her kiddos( this is clearly seen in her write up)
2. In as much as the her ex is alive, Okafor law would always come to play
3. They are very very manipulative
4. You'll be suffering for crime you didnt commit
And soon..


Well solution for the woman now
1. Follow the husband talk heart to heart , he needs be convinced more
2. Take him to boarding house
3. Find the family of his father
4. Talk to parent or relatives of your current husband so they can beg him on your behalf
5. Dont ever think of divorcing again
6. Do family planning..
7. Reduce your ego and be supportive to your current husband, so he could be financially buoyant too
8. Take him to your own parent and go their time to time
9.Stop shouting he promised he promised to shoulder your responsibility, afterall no be everything wey u self promise people u dey give them.. he also has a good reason of not taking the child, he dey fear make the boy no go affect those little girls ( if you are sensible enough, you should also know he's trying to protect una daughters). No dey paint the man bad abeg.. deep down your heart, you know how you will feel
10. Pray to God to show u the way
Cc. Vyvyanvyvy
Aro1
Ubunja
Johnspute
Martinez39s
What's you people take on this??




.

.

Hey Kingsatan, how hell fire na

Davash222:
Nice points you’ve got there, @OP.



Jacqueline22, would like to hear your contribution regarding this.

Vyolet:
Mrsatan sir, as a grandfather, if this woman walks up to you for advice, what would you suggest she do?
Leave the son to sleep under the bridge or what?

Omar09:
There... I made it perfect.

Good points tho.

Where the hell is CAPSLOCKED? IS HE BANNED AGAIN?

SweetCunt97:
Lol. I've not raised any kids but looking forward to doing so soon.

eyinjuege:
Women have been living with step children since time immemorial, and we all stand to condemn them when they maltreat their wards. Infact, many of you would advice the woman to accept wholeheartedly a child born when her husband cheats (which isn't t even the case here, as the boy in question was even born before the husband ever met his wife)
I'm sure you support the Saints GEJ or PMB, who you won't label as thieves ( depending on your affiliation), yet you have labelled a 12 year old boy a thief.
Same way you would probably label a 13 year old girl child sleeping with her father's mate as a prostitute, regardless if she was raped or coerced into it.
You people should have the fear of God o.
Can you say you never took money out of your mother's purse to but sweet or any nonsense snacks when you were around that age?

SweetCunt97:
Well, it's better for the man to contribute more. Yea I doubt she'd agree but there's a way around all these e.g Boarding school

Ehiscotch:
I think what the OP is advising is that a " pilfering" child should be cast out because his "pilfering" could rub off on the other properly trained children.

What Logic.

PS: except the child is yours biologically.

SweetCunt97:
Hmmmmm, the man changed the agreement. But from what d woman is saying, the man is not even doing his doing as the man.

SweetCunt97:
He doesn't know the boy so there's no love there. What about sending him to boarding school?

SweetCunt97:
Yea I know of a relative who had kinda issue.. She had the boy when she was 16,then got married but had 5 girls no boy. The issue now is, the joy has turned into a criminal, joined bad gang, everyone has lost hope in him unfortunately. Having a child out of wedlock shouldn't be a condemnation though

LilMissFavvy:
Why are you deliberating on the woman's financial status? I. Never said it is wrong for her to foot 70bills, that's her business. I had mentioned her financial stand, to remind you that she has the money, therefore the husband should accept the boy, since she can foot the child's bills.

Yes, she said the child is now different, he now steals What made the child cultivate this bad habit? She said he was starved.....etc. Why is the husband so inconsiderate? I wonder what he would have turned to if he wasn't a poor broke husband. The lady should be careful.

PrimadonnaO:
Perhaps, she needs to clarify this. How did he take them as his own when he won't let his stepson live with him... knowing full well that the boy is in dire need of his mother.

PrimadonnaO:
Nope. You were talking about her husband loving the boy unconditionally. That was what I responded to.

PrimadonnaO:
@Emboldened. She never said any such thing.

crackkhaus:
I've said it always and I keep saying it...no beef against single mothers, but I'll be damned to let anyone close to me get married to one.

No son or brother of mine will get my support if they choose to go through with it even after I have tried to discourage them.

Life is already too complicated, don't complicate further with your own two hands and two eyes open.

Single mothers should marry single fathers and vice versa, they are meant for each other and both understand where they're coming from.

He who has ears, let him hear...

PrimadonnaO:
@Emboldened. She never said any such thing.

LilMissFavvy:
Each and every day, you men write threads to display a deep depth of selfishness and wickedness towards women, now you direct same attitude towards a child.....a boy of 12. Calling a boy of 12 a thief, I am baffled, can't the child be corrected?. If the tables were turned, would you advise a lady not to marry a divorced father of two kids? No, you would not, you would encourage her to marry, as long as the husband has the financial capabilities, but in that thread, I saw where the OP said she foots 70percent of the bills, so what stops her husband from accepting the boy back into their home, bearing in mind that he had known she was a single mother and had agreed to accept her and kids.

The simple thing the man should do is to give that boy a chance, bring him into his home, train him properly, to see how he can get better. Maybe if the child does not change, that's when the man should start complaining.

You also said that the OP did not marry for love, rather that she married to have a father figure for her kids, my question to you is, are you not aware many people today, marry for different selfish reasons? So why should you condemned the OP?

Mind you I am not a single mother, neither can I marry a single father, but it's wrong for you to discourage those who feel okay marrying single parents, that boy should be given a CHANCE.

Oyindidi:
I stand with the woman

Ehiscotch:
Was there anywhere I expressly "claimed" it?

Or are you trying to rope me into something. Anyways, I guess you just want a thread for discussions rather than generating a solution; which to me is completely cynical.

PrimadonnaO:
Always attacking the woman.
You've arrived at a baseless conclusion that she married the man ONLY because she wants a father figure for her children.

Have you tried analysing the man's motive for marrying the lady? I mean, single mothers are supposed to be some sort of plague, according to y'all. So why did this man marry one? Was it unconditional love? If he loved her that much, he wouldn't separate a mother from her child, no matter what. What sort of man leaves his wife to run a home?

Stop blaming the little kid. A twelve year old child isn't yet set in stone. He can still be groomed and set straight. He needs his mother. Simple!

Posterity won't forgive her if she leaves that little boy to his fate.

xendra:
and this ode thought it wise to mention me

PrimadonnaO:
Always attacking the woman.

Ehiscotch:
Not such a smart response from someone who is looking to get his post on front-page.

AreaFada2:
Both men and women should consider carefully whether they need step-kids. It's a difficult thing.

Ehiscotch:
But a woman can marry a single father right?

AreaFada2:
Look, I always warn men to beware of marrying a woman with kids already. It's a BIG and Thankless job. Just loving kids is not enough. Especially young kids. Worse if the woman is divorced. Even if widowed, still difficult.

From 90% of such families I saw growing up. it's not encouraging at the end.

The man ends up losing out. Do 99% of fatherly responsibility, the 1% you didn't do they will blame you for. Even if their biological dad could never have done 25% of it for them.

A woman has two kids for a man and she has no contact with their dad. What kind of people have two kids together and do not communicate? A combination of a careless/irresponsible person and a vindictive person?

Also beware of the emotional damage people previously suffered. It can be a baggage they are coming with. You are not a psychologist or therapist to heal them. It ruin your carefree life. "Love" is not enough when push comes to shove.

Suddenly, people like Oyendidi are blaming a guy who's concerned about the friction that 12 years old boy could cause in his household. That's the truth even though he cannot tell his wife so. At some point if he tries to correct that boy more harshly, it will be thrown at him that it's because the boy is not his son.

This man is not a hypocrite to grudgingly accept the boy while unhappy about it.

OP should honestly try to know his fear. Can they take him to a boarding school for now? Any other way out?