₦airaland Forum

Ehiscotch:
But a woman can marry a single father right?

You can create a thread on that. Thanks for stopping

AreaFada2:
Look, I always warn men to beware of marrying a woman with kids already. It's a BIG and Thankless job. Just loving kids is not enough. Especially young kids. Worse if the woman is divorced. Even if widowed, still difficult.

From 90% of such families I saw growing up. it's not encouraging at the end.

The man ends up losing out. Do 99% of fatherly responsibility, the 1% you didn't do they will blame you for. Even if their biological dad could never have done 25% of it for them.

A woman has two kids for a man and she has no contact with their dad. What kind of people have two kids together and do not communicate? A combination of a careless/irresponsible person and a vindictive person?

Also beware of the emotional damage people previously suffered. It can be a baggage they are coming with. You are not a psychologist or therapist to heal them. It ruin your carefree life. "Love" is not enough when push comes to shove.

Suddenly, people like Oyendidi are blaming a guy who's concerned about the friction that 12 years old boy could cause in his household. That's the truth even though he cannot tell his wife so. At some point if he tries to correct that boy more harshly, it will be thrown at him that it's because the boy is not his son.

This man is not a hypocrite to grudgingly accept the boy while unhappy about it.

OP should honestly try to know his fear. Can they take him to a boarding school for now? Any other way out?

You are so right.

I have created a thread on my opinion.

Check it out = https://www.nairaland.com/5733643/no-man-should-encouraged-marry

Oyindidi:
Lol @ Poco apprentice

I stand with the woman

dawnomike:
I have learnt to sometimes not judge life issues from my own perception of it... Sometimes, you can never tell what you can do until you are in the other person's shoes.
In as much as i admire her motherly cincern for her son,I will like to also hear the man out though!

NB: The matter is quite complicated than we know

You are so right. The matter is complicated and there is a need to hear from the man in the picture before rushing into conclusions. Nevertheless, we still need to learn 1 or 2 from the situation and air our opinions and concern.

Thank you for your input.

Oche211:
I keep to one rule...
No matter how young, beautiful or intelligent a single mother is, I will never go close to her.
Never enter any relationship with her.
I will kill any feeling at all for her.
Single woman, especially the unmarried ones are full of bargages and shits.
They can give trouble for a lifetime.
Especially the unmarried baby Mama's, run as far from them as your legs can carry you unless you are a man that love trouble.

It's good to have a personal conviction. What is good for the goose, might not be good for the gander.

Thank you for your input.

Dear Nairalanders,

This is my opinion on the subject that "No Man Should be Encouraged to marry a single mother". It is actually a response to Vyvyanvyvy 's thread on Her husband's decision not to take back their son as agreed before marriage.

Please Click this link for her post https://www.nairaland.com/5731810/husband-doesnt-want-son-come

Over the years, i have disagreed with people who conclude that single mothers marry because they are looking for a "Father Figure" in the life of their children and never because of love. Maybe i was wrong to disagree with them as this story is an eyeopener on how this set of manipulative women always resort to emotional blackmail in order to shame the man when he refuses to give in to their demand of total commitment to their love child or children. The most amazing thing is that her children have a father, but they are never going to blame him for abandoning them or quitting the relationship. They are never going to send the kids to their biological relative or even give the "New Husband" the honour of renaming the children after him. Some of these women even go as far as creating room for segregation.

Now lets get down to business by critically analysing her story.

1. This woman had 2 children (12 and Six years old) from a previous relationship. The Father of her Children is Currently in Italy and told her to move on with her life as he has done. Good Lord knows why he abandoned his own family (Since there is a 3 years gap between the 2 kids, i will assume the first was 3 years old when he left)

2. She claims not to have Her Ex husbands contact or that of his siblings. This should tell you that this woman never had a good relationship with her husband's people and the reason for that is unknown.

2. She got married to this Man 3 Years ago and the marriage has produced a girl who is 2 years old and she is pregnant for another. Good Lord knows this woman loves kids.

3. Before her marriage with the new man was consummated, she confirmed that her husband ACCEPTED THE KIDS LIKE HIS OWN. Was he pretending? I dont think so.

4. Due to financial challenges, they moved to a smaller apartment and lived together with the Girl Child while the boy was sent to live with her elder brother and his wife. All through this period, the man never maltreated the girl child or rejected her.

5. Things got better 3 years later and they moved into a bigger apartment. Life has been good to them at least.

6. Her Husband has reneged on their agreement to bring in their son into the new apartment to live with them. We don't know his reasons but maybe, she will give us a clue in the next point. Remember, the Girl child still lives in peace with him in the house, he treats her just right and they have a perfect relationship.

7. This woman confirmed that her son is now a petty thief. In a space of 3 years, He was caught stealing and beaten like an animal. Whatever he stole is none of our business.

8. She pleaded with her husband to allow the boy to come and live with them and he said NO, his reason "he doesn't want him to damage our children". "Children" includes the girl child from the previous marriage I believe.

9. This boy has been rejected by his mothers immediate relatives (Her brother and Sister) due to his strange behaviours and thieving nature.

10. She claims she foots %70 of the bills in the family. Who knows? Married men will agree that when a woman resorts to emotional blackmail, this is her usual line.

11. This woman reconfirmed that her son is more important than her marriage. Here "I will not take him anywhere why does he have to live like an orphan whyle im alive ? To be honest My son is more important than my marriage and it’s my responsibilities to protect him"

12. Have you also observed that this woman Never talked about "Loving her husband"? Another confirmation that love never existed in the beginning.


My Good Friends, from the points listed above, you will agree with me that this woman married her current husband because she wanted a father figure for her children.

Anyone noticed how she isn't talking about her daughter with the man in question?

Which man will watch a thief come into his house in broad daylight and do nothing about it?

Or you think the man has no clue about your her son's sudden change?

All i see is a man who fears for the future. It's just like asking this woman to accept her Ex-husband just because he promised that he will always love her. Time Changes and People too.

What if the husband is the one trying to bring in his love child who steals? Will the woman allow that without a second thought?

If you are a parent, you will attest to the fact that one negative influence can destroy your perfect child.


I believe if her current husband is given an opportunity to tell his own side of the story, ears will tingle.

Advice 1

If she values her marriage, she should engage her husband in a heart to heart and try to convince him. From what i observed, the man isn't convinced enough. And believe me, it is very hard for a man or woman to accept a child with a history of crime. If she engages him and he is adamant, she can enrol the boy in a boarding school. I believe when the man sees the boy in his house for the second time, and he is coming from school and behaving well. The man will happily accept him.

The man still loves that boy.


Advice number 2

This woman yearns to be single again. But the truth is, singlehood cannot help her at this stage of her life because her children need a father figure which was why she got married in the first place. But if she thinks she can sustain singlehood, i will advise she dissolves the union and become a single parent.





To the young man out there who is about to make this mistake of a lifetime, please read this thread and reconsider.


Special Guests of Honour

Daddytime = Veteran in Marital affairs like me i think.

Gofront = Regular Nairaland Troll (No Offence Please )

Ubunja = Controversial Online Malculinity Coach.

Pocochantas = My Favourite African Feminist, Electronic Fight-Mate and Nairaland's Favourite Evening Newspaper

Oyindidi = Poco's Apprentice

Davash222 = Nairalander

AreaFada2 = Nairalander

xendra = Another Upcoming Yoruba Feminist.




SATAN

Alex Stop Lying!

The way you go about your reportage, you further disgrace this Noble profession called Journalism.

Stop chasing brown envelopes around Abuja.

For the records, i know you too well.

Invisible123:
Good evening all,

I have just found myself in a dilemma that's really disturbing me emotionally. I need matured and candid advice from anyone who cares.

Just recently, myself and my fiancee concluded our introduction ceremony. The wedding comes up middle of this year.

Now the problem :

My fiancee is pregnant, early last month I registered her for anti natal in a very reputable hospital in Lagos. It is standard practice that they run series of tests before commencement of the treatment. After the results came out, my wife didn't disclose the findings to me, she kept it to herself until a day after the introduction.

The results indicated that her genotype is AS of which I'm also AS. Note that we had gone for checks 4 times before committing to each other, on all four occasions the results came out as AA for her. Her mum also confirmed that she is AA, she claimed she got her tested when she was young. Immediately she told me, I got so confused, I started sweating profusely. I immediately took her to another Lab close to the general hospital in my area. We both ran the test, I came our as my usual AS while she came out as AA. Also, Today, just to be sure again, she ran another test in a separate hospital on the Island and she also came out as AA.

My fear:

The hospital I registered her in is a reputable hospital and that's the reason I'm scared. I informed the hospital of my findings, they took another sample and promised to get back to me. It took them two days to call me, they left me and my wife in emotional distress while devising a means to clear their name or confuse me with medical terms. They finally called today and told me she has the AS hemoglobin in her blood but the AA is more pronounced. This got me confused cos if the AA is more pronounced, why release the result as AS in the first place. This is why I find their story hard to believe.

I feel they came up with this excuse just to justify their claim and cover up their mistake. How can 6 clinics and hospitals test her as AA while only this hospital says AS.

Note, just this evening a new test from a separate hospital says she's AA.

Nairalanders, please what do I do? Is it possible for this anomaly to happen ? Is it possible for her to have AS and AA hemoglobin at the same time where one will be more pronounced than the other. And if it's possible, what her the chances of my baby coming out fine.

Thanks Nairalanders.

Cc: Lalasticlala

My son concentrate on your marriage. Your child is an AS

THEY ARE BUSY WORKING ON ABSOLVING THE SO-CALLED "REPENTED'' BOKO HARAM INSURGENTS INTO THE ARMY, INSTEAD OF ENSURING THAT THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN IN THE FRONTLINES ARE GIVEN A CHANCE TO EXPERIENCE CIVILIZATION, MEET THEIR LOVED ONES AND PUT THEIR HEADS TOGETHER.

EVERYWHERE STINKS OF GROSS INCOMPETENCY.

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE PSYCHOLOGISTS IN THE BATTALION HQ AND CONTONEMENTS. ALL THEY KNOW IS GUN AND BULLETS.


HOW WOULD THEY DETECT EARLY SIGNS OF PTSD?

DO THEY EVEN KNOW WHAT IT IS? AFTERALL IF HE IS NOT DEAD OR WOUNDED, THEN HE SHOULD BE IN THE BATTLEFIELD.






TO THOSE READING MY COMMENTS, PLEASE LISTEN TO ME AND FOLLOW MY ADVICE.


1. NEVER ENGAGE YOUR CHILDREN TO SINGLE CITIZENSHIP. EVEN IF THEY WERE BORN IN NIGERIA, PLEASE MAKE SURE THEY GET CITIZENSHIP IN ANOTHER COUNTRY. IT DOESNT MATTER IF ITS AN AFRICAN COUNTRY.


2. NEVER ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO SERVE IN NIGERIA'S MILITARY. ITS A WASTE OF TIME AND LIFE.

Blindersoff:
From the video both the Cattle herder and the farmer know each other. The cattle guy was just upset that he took his picture without his permission thus snatched the phone from him.

He said he would beg the farmer and if the farmer rejected his plea then he is ready to pay for damages.

It was nothing serious. Just two people who clearly misunderstood each other.

One had damaged crops from the other's cattle while the other was willing to pay for the damage is asked.

Any other thing in-between were just exchanges said in anger

SEE WHAT HYPOCRISY AND ILLITERACY HAVE DONE TO YOU.

DID YOU NOT HEAR THE HERDSMAN THREATEN TO KILL HIM WITH A KNIFE?

WHAT KIND OF WICKED PEOPLE DO WE HAVE IN THIS PART OF THE WORLD.

WELL, I THANK GOD I DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE IN MY YOUTH TO AVOID HAVING A SINGLE CITIZENSHIP.

IF YOU LIKE KILL YOURSELVES. I AM ONLY A NIGERIAN BY BIRTH

Where is the spirit of Ecowas?

This is indeed one of the worse times being a Nigerian.

What exactly did Mubarak do for his people?

Buhari, I think you should be more concerned about what you will be remembered for.

Nauseating Hypocrisy.

Learn a skill.

Never Date a woman who has no verifiable means of income.

Love your parents but never succumb to any pressure from them to make money by any means.

Learn to be content with what you have.

Learn to live moderately.

Be patient with the process. If it takes you to serve, serve.

Don't take your life my son.

One day you will look back and smile.

If most men open their mouth and tell you their story, you will marvel.

This is one phase in your life that many have been through.

My son, don't do it.


Yes life is not worth living, but it's worth every chance.

Vortex369:
Marriage is an anomaly in nature. Marriage is a human invention to maintain a stronghold on another for specific gains.

Humans are supposed to fucck who they love, when they love them, and when they dont, they move on to another that they love, but for economic reasons and cos of boredom, emotional insecurity, and also for societal expectations, people sign themselves into contracts of unhappiness called Matrimony.

Animals were not built for marriage, so I do not know where the idea of marriage came from. It is very odd. May be men just wanted to buy women for permanent sex games. And that epxlains why bride price is cost price and taking husband name is synonymous with Change of Title when you buy a product from another.

I hereby conclude that marriage is just a purchase contract, and woman becomes a product to be bought with coins. And must take the name of the new owner and remain his property for life.

I call it modern day Sex Slavery.

You are right and also wrong. However you should understand that marriage today is different from marriage of old.

Today, people get married for material reasons. I once created a thread to address this using my experience but the mods closed the thread when I threatened that the institution of marriage will go extinct if we continue this way.

The only thing women know about marriage today is "Dancing on the wedding day", sexual intercourse and birthing babies.

The only thing a man knows about marriage is grabbing his wife's ass in a pre-wedding shoot and showing off with an elaborate wedding celebration.

Marriage today is simply described as "The winner takes it all".


No one of them have asked crucial questions like "If I am to marry this man today and he falls ill ad is diagnosed with cancer, diabetes or worse still, he looses his limbs to an ghastly motor accident, would I still love him remain with him?

If the woman looses her ass and her boobs says due to childbirth, would I still love her?

If the marriage is to last 50 years, would I be patient enough to love with this man for 50 years?

These are questions they should ask themselves. But no, it's business as usual. Marry the highest bidder, marry the most beautiful, marry the career woman so your finances are secured. One of my staff one said "I must marry the prettiest of all because it's same price with the ugliest. Her people won't consider her looks and deduct any cent in her bride price.

no

THIS MAN TRULY LOVES HIS SON.



ONE THING IS FOR SURE, KING ANDRE WILL GO LOOKING FOR HIS BIOLOGICAL FATHER SOMEDAY.



HISTORY AND EXPERIENCE HAVE TAUGHT ME THAT WOMEN LIKE TONTO DONT ALWAYS LAUGH LAST.

When your wife is your partner in crime.


She protects your interests as long as money is involved.

nettan:
So very true... people should wise up. Especially women who are sometimes so gullible to the gimmicks of these wolves in sheep clothings.

I know a family with a similar experience years back. The pastor slept with the mother and also impregnated the 16 yr old daughter. And this was a family that financially helped the church of this so called man of God. Wake up people

.