₦airaland Forum

Kaa4:
➜This societal abnormality is destroying marriage: the oldest institution for family procreation established by God. If the women allow it, it will continue.
➜A woman should not have children outside of wedlock
➜ Churches have work ot do. We should get back to the basics

. During the time of your ancestors, married women who were no longer desired by their husbands were frequently abandoned along with the children they produced and left to fend for themselves. These women were stripped of their former status and shamed. At the same time, their husbands were allowed to move on to marry the next set of victim women. And also create for themselves a near blemish-free record in marriage, as far as their choosing not to have any association whatsoever with teh abandoned for as long as they lived.

So, if marriage is known to have helped in creating the problem from as far back as the time of your ancestors, how can it be said that the problem is responsible for destroying marriage?

2. But a good number of the baby mamas you know are women who were abandoned at the altar — they were made pregnant by men/traditions which assured them that proof of pregnancy was necessary to seal the deal as far as marriage — or after marriage(their children were abandoned too). So, why do you insist of claiming all were pregnant out of wedlock?

3. In the last 50 years of your churches working in Nigeria, the rate of marriage abandonment, divorce, and # of babymama situations have experienced steady increase. Yet, here yiou are in 2025, insisting that the same churches which have woefully failed in over half a decade is the solution for the future?

At this point, I have to ask you if you are OK at all.

Manny21:
✓ This concept of baby mamas and daddies is a very novel concept that came with increasing moral decadence.
✓ What we were used to and condemned was unwanted pregnancy or out of wedlock pregnancy. Unfortunate and regretable

Increasing moral decadence, you say. Increased from when to when? How did you measure this?

When your forefathers were notoriously known for abandoning women in marriage along with the children produced by those women resulting in those women living life as single mothers, most for the rest of their lives, was moral decades on par then?

2. You talk about unwanted pregnancies but what about the men that created those pregnancies who later go on to marrying other women and pretending all was never unwell for them, while the women and children are abandoned and humiliated by the dubious in the communities. Why not insist on shared custody so both baby mama and baby daddy can be equally impacted by the making of those babies.

Stolen:
✓ MARRIAGE IN BABYMAMA OUT.
Y SOME WOMEN OPT FOR BABYMAMA AND NOT MARRIAGE IS THE EXACT REASON WE ARE HAVING PATERNITY CRISIS.
THEY ARE MORE LUSTFUL THAN MEN.

But a lot of those you refer to as baby mamas became so as a result of marriage. Many of these women were once married but were abandoned by their spouses who also abandoned their kids leaving society to depict them as single mothers.

I recall the story of Julie or Julia, a lady who eventually married Yul Edochie. She was previously married before she was abandoned by her husband and divorced him back in 2013. She was depicted as a baby mama, not a divorced woman, in the media. There are numerous other examples of this too. The heavy cloud is the baby fathers always seem able to walk away unscathed, only to continue on to make more. Yet every now and then Nigerians are quick to blame their blindness on the baby mamas alone saying marriage is a solution. What nonsense is this not?

NNtv:
✓ Nigerians need to learn fast before we kill our family system like black Americans.
Baby mama is a serious cancer to the society. It destroys family values. It creates more poor and uncultured populace with drive towards crime.
Look at people or group with wealth today. You will see active family values and family wealth distribution. This wealth is not built on children that has no father or mother. It is built on ages of family progress.
Additionally, children from single mothers and single fathers have more tendency to commit crime. There's evidence to this in the United States where most black kids have no complete parents.
Let's stop baby mama/bane papa pandemic before it destroys our society!

Nigeria had a family system that should be kept? You mean the very same system that kept women as property of their husbands, children, particularly female children as subhuman who were only to be bred for property and wealth in the future to the highest bidder -- Nigeria's bride price system -- and also expected to take on the burden of fixing the mistakes of their progenitors, some before old age, all without a guarantee of comparable reward? 🥱🥱🥱

Wawuu...you folks never see the bad but always seem to have your heads in the dirty clouds up in your heads. 🤔🤔

Fiscus105:
✓ This is as a result of not be able to reach compromise in marriage, and not until we go back to how it was.
Nobody wants to drop his "ego/likes/cherish" in other to accommodate his/her partner.
Go and check couples who have successful marriage, that span decades, they lower their ego/cherish in other to accommodate partner, before marriage flourished.

If success in marriage is merely defined by the length of time the couples in the marriage have stayed without a divorce, then a good number of the sugar daddies fueling this baby mama phenomenon can equally boast of doing it the old fashioned way. No be so? 🥱🥱🥱

Yes, many of them we know of have been married to the same woman for many decades, never minding the fact that the details of the marriage as well the quality of living and living for the wife in the marriage may be nothing to write home about. But I guess, the married should be deemed successful because the woman has allowed it endure-or maybe has been forced into doing so-- for as long as she did. 🥱🥱🥱

Diamond098454:
✓ he is a man, a husband and a father of 3 beautiful kids. Are telling me married couples can't handle or solve there problems without considering divorce?
✓ If he divorce his wife and getting married to another Lady and same thing happened , he will still divorce the second Lady and marry the 3rd woman hmmmm

1. I notice you keep skating around the how of OP resolving this. 🥱🥱🥱

2. If the same thing happens with another woman, then maybe OP is the problem and not the women. ever considered that?

I notice that with the drip information provided in the OP, you already concluded the problem must be the woman. And it got me wondering why you think a married man is always right. .

Diamond098454:
➜divorce is not the solution here,
➜ things can be fixed without separation. He should handle it

. Divorce is not an option, but abuse in the form of control or possible manipulation is?
Separation fixes what exactly? How?

Diamond098454:
➜One day they will start sleeping with her. You have to do something about it as a husband protect your wife put a stop to that nonsense she is doing on social media

. By 'protect' you mean control/train her so she forgoes the freedom to do as she pleases, right? Isn't it much better for you to advise him to simply divorce her so she can live her life as she pleases while ensuring he obtains shared custody of his children so he too can adequately train and raise them too?🙄🙄🙄

Nnamdipapa:
➜I believe African men know how to take care of women, we don't split bills on outings, I wonder why this lady does not want to date African men.

Yes, we know that in fact, there are 10s of millions of Nigerian women stuck in abusive relationships all across the country, with probably over 95% of them without hope of ever escaping poverty or abuse.

Nnamdipapa:
➜I came across this on FB and I want to know your thoughts on this, why would a black lady disclose she is not dating African men?
➜Imagine if a black guy makes this kind of post and indicate they would not date black or African ladies, them black ladies will come with pitch forks.
➜ Black ladies, stop discriminating against African men.

Nonsense! She has a right to choose whom to date or not date, same as

2. Black men make these kinds of statements all of the time; they race shame/body shame/age shame black/African women any chance they get.

3. Abeg, find yourself a better job to do; stop going around trying to genderize meaningless things. 🙄🙄🙄

The girl is not interested in African men, and it is her prerogative. 🥱🥱

ogododo:
She marry ghost and born 4 pikin but she no know say her husband no be ordinary man!
From 2009 to 2021, dem live together like normal couple. Now, after plenty stigmatization and wahala for Gambia, she don travel come Nigeria to find her ghost husband people. She say na the same ghost dey lead her waka.
This na true life tori wey go shock you. Marriage, mystery, and the supernatural – all join for one unbelievable story.

Nonsense story!

Manculated:

Your heaven na view once

Heaven ke? Abeg, enter gutter for road side o'jare!

@OP still hasn't answered any of the questions asked leading me to believe there may be a why to his wife's supposed actions that he may not want us to be aware of.

ehigwe1:
✓ Building a strong, loving relationship involves mutual respect, trust, and communication. Here are some tips to foster a deep connection:
1. Show genuine interest ::: Understand her values, passions, and dreams.
2. Communicate openly::: Share your thoughts, feelings, and desires.
3. Emotional support::: Be there for her during challenging times.
4. Respect and trust::: Build trust through honesty and reliability.
5. Quality time::: Spend meaningful time together.
Relationships are unique, and what works for one person may not work for another. Focus on building a strong foundation of mutual respect, trust, and communication.

A wonder can only love you for as long as she is willing to meaning that it is not dependent on what you do at all. This is human behavior 101 meaning it applies to both males and females alike. Learn this and save yourself a whole load of unneeded trauma in this life.

adaperry25:
✓ My family is Catholic...tho I changed to Pentecostal..been under pressure to get married..got a girl that's quite a good lady...she said she can't follow me to my church...that we could attend different churches while married. I'm just confused

. Saying you want to marry or not marry someone...you are not doing the person or anyone any favors. If the fact that she does not want to attend the same church as you is a red flag for you(most red flags are unique to the individual), all you need to do is break up with her and find yourself only those women who fit your particular criteria. 🙄🙄

Free that babe already so she can go find herself someone who won't, maybe, hold church attendance over her head, abeg! 🥱🥱

saintmm:
➜The reason there must be minimum standard for morality, but if civility embraced gives a disdainful outlook to morality, then, no one should complain about the depravity of the society.
Some of those climes that facilitated our so-called civilization still has minimum standard that must not be crossed but if we say morality is old-school and discipline is hatred, no problem, we shall all see what our society becomes in a decade's time.
I rest my case

. This reads like senseless gibberish! 🙄🙄🙄

What clime facilitated the having of sex with children as young as 10 and sometimes below, without regard for the emotional, psychological and physical effects on the minds and bodies of those young individuals?

Where has your standard of morality and civility been all this time, while many young people have been allowed to have sexual intercourse literally devastate their lives and futures before they have even begun?

Promptit:
✓ I don't know if you are a lady. If yes, and married , can hardship or worse situation make you send your nudes to men for money?

You are asking a meaningless question, though.🥱🥱

I said I would consider her actions quite justified in the case that those 3 kids were to face hardship without. What does it matter whether you are married or not when the lives of children, who never asked to be pulled into such a situation and do no deserve such treatment, are involved? 😩😩😩

Solved55:
✓ Can the action be justified ? I mean her action

Absolutely, depending on what you mean by justified in this instance! 🥱🥱

Given the state of the Nigerian economy, if she were doing it in order to feed herself and her kids, of course, I would be the last person to judge her. 😩😩😩

Solved55:
➜I caught my wife chatting with men in romantic ways, she apologized , like twice . As a result , I link her Whatsapp and discover she's still continue even sending nudes. Just because of money . How can I handle this,I consider divorce but divorce will affect us , we have 3 kids, 3, 5 and 7 years . Her character has not been good to me anyway and now this

. Quick question! What is your food, utilities, and provisions budget every day/week/month? I am guessing you are in Nigeria, so tell us more about what your wife does with the money she makes from selling her nudes, and how much you have been making sure to bring in to your family at the same time.

---

Also, tell us more about your part in your marriage. Be honest! Are you cheating on your wife or something? You mentioned her attitude towards you has not been good anyways. There must be a reason and knowing it will help.

saintmm:
➜Train yours the way you like dooo

Well, the problem is the way you train your child impacts, not just you and the child, but all those around that child in some way. Sit down and look around at the people who cross paths with you every day. They are the sum of the mistakes and possibly successes of their upbringing.

saintmm:
➜I hope that protect them as well from emotional breakdown that follows betrayal of trust when the relationship goes south. Don't forget we are talking of children here.

With or without sexual protection, children are bound to experience betrayal of trust when relationships goes south.

Don't allow what is clearly stewpidity keep you from doing all you can to minimize the devastation that such an experience on your children could cause to their emotional and physical well-being.

dederocs:
✓White men are selfish in relationship and marriages.

Are black men not the same?

Bendeco02:
➜Oga no one is deceiving anyone Women are more than men in Nigeria.
➜A man can only remain single if he decide. No matter how poor you're you can get a wife but not your spec because women are more in number and need the marriage more. A woman can need marriage and be fasting and praying for it and still end up not getting it.

1. Stop spreading false information.

Nigeria's sex ratio is slightly skewed towards males, with approximately 102 males for every 100 females as of 2024. This translates to a male population of roughly 50.57% and a female population of about 49.43%.
Key figures:
Sex Ratio: 102.320 males per 100 females in 2024.
Male Population: 117.67 million (50.57%).
Female Population: 115.01 million (49.43%).
Difference: There are approximately 2.67 million more males than females in Nigeria.
Sources: StatisticsTimes.com and World Bank.

2. Story for the Nigerian gods whose weed you guys continue to smoke! 🙄🙄🙄

aishasavvy:
➜My first love? Just let’s say e no go well. And if you are Nigerian, well, then you know when something “no go well,” it went from sweet to shege in an instant.
At first, it was like a Nollywood romcom. The early morning calls, the “have you eaten?” text messages, the smile on my face for no reason at all. It seemed spontaneous. My heart was doing backflips. My tummy had daily meetings with butterflies daily. I thought I had gotten to love paradise. But deep inside, something wasn’t right https://aishasavvy.com/a-sonnet-on-true-love/

The human heart and body are not the best or to be trusted with matters regarding love and relationships in general.

PantShifter:
➜What is false in what he posted? Are women not more than men in Nigeria?

There is no evidence that the population of women in Nigeria is greater than that of men in Nigeria.

Worldwide, the population of men remains greater than that of women. The ratio of births of males to females remains around 1.1 males to 1 female.

Jeweltz:
➜...When a woman mistakenly cheat, it’s not an avenue for you to discard her like she didn’t matter, it just mean you should offer more support and get to the root of the matter. Maybe you’ve been neglecting her..
I’m not claiming an expert on relationship, I’ll leave that to counselors. Nonetheless, there might be some truth in it. I have never cheated in any of my relationships even when things weren’t going good, I’ll rather resolve it than step out.
What do you think?

I believe instead that cheating/adultery— whether mistake or not— signifies the end of a relationship. Any attempt at bandaging after such betrayal is futile as emotions between the two are bound to remain tolerance and not love. After adultery has been discovered, couples should begin the wrap-up on the relationship, get therapy to prepare themselves for the eventual dissolution, and afterwards therapy to help them realize the facts that led up to the cheating —the victim is never at fault for the cheating.

If at a later time, the two decide to get back together in a relationship at a later point in time, then good for them, but not before.

43Ronin:
➜The story long, but I think she became pressured because of her status to have a husband, of which the guy refused saying marriage what not in the agreement hence the transfer and awinchi & subsequent denial of paternal custody. Also every child deserves both parents either through marriage, common law or co-parenting. It gives thr child a balance of ideas to face life.

Every child deserves emotionally intelligent caregivers, not just blood parents(womb or sperm-donor), abeg! Here's hoping the child will get the best of the two and not their bitterness.

VonScott:
➜MY WORRY is a trend that has actually been creeping for a while. A trend of Western men taking wives from africa esp eastern rural african villages only to abuse them when they get to europe. This directly relates to the thread. IS it every single one? I never said that.
➜ I did not INTEND to have you to BELIEVE anything, STOP PROJECTING YOUR INSECURITIES! You say whatever you want, believe anything. I am just forming my opinion based on observation & facts, I implore everyone to do same. I have no problem either if you chose a course different from that just leave me outta that.
➜ Lastly, and for the umpteeth, I have NO interest in hearing those boring arguments about practices from that horrible place you come from. Not here either to compare one womans worth here nor there.

1. There exists no such trend as what you describe, though.

However, we all know of the trend created by African men in the diaspora coming back to take wives from African villages, not just from East African countries, to serve them in the Western countries where they live. And we have troves of stories of abuse that trail that trend to sink our teeth into until kingdom come naw. So, what in the world are you really worried about?

2. The one clearly projecting insecurities here is your person who clearly assumes a non-existent trend and pretends worry for women when you care nothing about the 10s of millions of women in Africa whose lives have been decimated by the marriage culture in your precious Africa.

3. Stop trading lies and deceit... interest or no interest!

Bendeco02:
➜Why are you angry? Are you a woman?

I hate misinformation. Why does that make me an angry person? Or are you emotionally unintelligent that you are not able to tell anger from other emotions, such as disgust at the very learning of lies traded by someone whose major intention seems to be to deceive as many as he can out there?

Morbeta11:
What is the name of this thing?

That is a seed, likely of a dandelion! If you plant it, you will see it grow.