₦airaland Forum

dollytino4real:
as his wife, he supposed to learn from anyone

Pele o!!! Barbara, the builder abi na teacher of her husband! Kwantinue!

PerfectStranger:
➜So she has to be related by blood before accepting her mother in-law? thought when a woman is legally married to a man they become one.

This shifting of goalpost thing is really hard on my mind, abeg!

If both are indeed become one, then the man would not object to having his wife's old mother over and caring for her, abi?

We4all:
➜Yep, you are right. But I was looking at from the angle where he felt it was his wife's responsibility and not his sister's. Besides, there is no way he can care for his mom without involving his wife. Infact, the bulk of the duties would be on the wife and not on him.

That should never be the case, unless he is paying her her worth as a caregiver.

Adeoye11:
➜Well not my own church, but I guess the topic is what needed to be comprehended , the op said he is lonely which in turn makes him to be depressed.
➜ That's why I wrote that he should look inward . Happiness is found within not from anyone!

1. There is not a single religious organization out there that cannot claim to have the same number of depressed &/or lonely in its congregation as is found elsewhere.

2. Look inwards to what, though? Anyone can make such ambiguous suggestions, something pastors and imams are notorious for, by the way. What OP likely needs is a counselor to help him figure out what it is he is to look inwards to or for.

We4all:
...Moreover, it was stated that the man has an elder sister, and so it is fair that the sister should take care of her mom since they share a blood relationship.

I don't think it is fair to suggest that the man's sister take care of her mother. She has her own life just as he does. They could both take turns in personally caring for their mother... after all, she is their mother, not just their sister's mother.

Adeoye11:
➜Hey friend, would like to just ask you some questions? Do you attend any church? How about your university friend? Or are you an introvert? Well with the little you have you can still get something out of it , it depends on where you are looking at. So think deep and your problem will be solved

. Do you even realize how many of the people in your churches also suffer from depression and/or are battling loneliness? It is pretty much the same as those outside of your church circles. Church attendance does not help or reduce depression &/or loneliness.

Bloomeverywhere:
➜Hello Nairalanders, I don’t usually do this, but I feel like I need to put this out.
I am a 27-year-old guy, currently going through depression and some tough times in life. It’s been hard carrying it all alone, and sometimes it feels like I’m drowning inside my own thoughts.
I’m not here to play games or ask for hookups. What I sincerely want is a genuine female friend I can talk to – someone who can listen, share, and just be there as a friend. I believe friendship, especially when it’s real, can bring comfort and healing.
I respect boundaries, and I promise sincerity. If you’re also looking for someone to talk to or just want to be a friend, please reach out.
Sometimes, all we need is someone who truly listens.Thanks for reading.

You are depressed and lonely — both mental conditions —, yet your request is for a woman to fall in love with you? Are we missing something here? Where do you get the idea that females are mental health counselors?

Chilipepper:
✓ Nigerian man laments after his wife refused his request to bring his sick mother to their house

It is one thing to have your mother visit as a guest for a day or two, but having her over on a longstay or worse, because she is sick, then you need to be upfront and better negotiate her stay and care with your marriage partner.

Does the man and his wife have space for her during her stay? Will the man be responsible for his mother's care throughout her stay, or is this a ploy to bring in another human burden for his wife to have to deal with? Conversely, the man can easily send his mother to a care home or something where she would be better cared for.

Thundafireseun:
➜You are obviously not married and you don’t have married people as friends

See dem.... always looking for avenues to shift blame onto others, right? If you are not able to accept responsibility for your decisions in life, then you are simply not mature enough for marriage and other adult decisions in life.

Chilipepper:
Mothers-in-law destroy marriages more than the couples themselves - Nigerian lawyer says

This I wholly disagree with! 🥱🥱🥱

Marriage has always been between a man and a woman. It is the husband/wife whose mother it is that allows his/her mother to destroy the marriage that the blame lies with—not the outsider to the marriage.

Dazidon:
The whatever it means began from 13 july 1997. Thatz how old I am.....as in starting from 13 july 1997. Thatz whatzup.

Oh, that's what that date meant.

I am sorry that your father and mother are irresponsible in the way you describe. You are not alone in your struggles, as that is the case for tens of millions of other Nigerians. Please do your best to survive the best you can.
That said, be sure not to repeat the mistakes of your progenitors. If you look hard into their past, you may be shocked to find that they are just forwarding the trauma that was inflicted on them by their parents or caregivers. You need to do your best to ensure the generational trauma ends with you. This is so that no one will, in the future, come on here to complain about you being a terrible parent.

The guy should have brought along a vase to set it up with and show her what to do with it. I bet that in that same home, his grandma, in the typical Nigerian style of decorating a home, probably has some artificial flower pot standing or sitting somewhere on a shelf. 🥱🥱🥱🥱

You forgot to mention how old you are in your crash out there?

dollytino4real:
dis ur teachable is wat he really needs nothing more, because he is hard working but a great waster of his resources on kpekus

You dey wait to teach teach a grown man lesson? Na you be him mama abi him papa? 😩😩😩

bigpaul84:
No na. I am not in support of domestic violence in marriage. I always encourage Ladies to leave when there is abuse but what I am trying to say is that you can separate from the man or woman and see if see if there will be changes.

She should separate from him and then wait to see if her abuser will change? That sounds like the same set of shackles that was used to shackle women for so long to men who cheat on them. I recall many of our grandmothers waited most of their lives for their adulterous husband's/abusers to change. Of course, that never did happen for the vast majority. And now the same weapon is still being fashioned against their daughters and granddaughters. While during the same period, religion has turned a blind eye to men divorcing/abandoning their wives. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

vanvickie:
✓ Women should also take up more FINANCIAL responsibilities in the home to enable the men have more time for the 'nurturing role'....

in Nigeria alone, almost 50% of married woman currently serve as the breadwinners and at the same time the nurturers in their marriages. In most of those homes, the men don't occupy responsibility as nurturers...this I can bet. 😩😩😩

It ain't the woman failing to rise to the occasion here but Nigerian men; they, in their majority, refuse to consider that a man can and should either be willing to share responsibilities or at least take on other roles in the household when they are called upon to do so.

Make una stop to dey open mouth like say sense don abandon una tay! 🥱🥱

DoctorStanley:
✓ That's the whole idea - sponsor her through uni as your future wife. Of course it's a risk because her hypergamous nature resents marrying down (never mind you picked her when she was in the gutter!)

Would you advise your brother/son to marry someone merely on grounds the person paid for your uni? I think it is a very Stewpid risk. Has always been and should be discouraged, not encouraged in any way.

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:
✓ Less than two percent of Nigerian women will give custody to their baby daddies because it is the only avenue through which they can spill their bile.

About 20 years ago, less than 2 percent of southern Nigerians supposedly got divorced. Fast forward to 20 years later, that number has more than ballooned. Women will eventually get there.

DoctorStanley:
✓ Enough such that a girl who really wants can get one to sponsor her in exchange for side benefits and possible marriage

Are you kidding? So, you think for such a benefit, a woman must then marry the man?

DoctorStanley:
✓ All those traders at Alaba can easily afford it, and many others

How many of them do you think make up what constitutes the majority of Nigerians who are stuck in poverty with what seems no way out though?

Houseofglam7:
So….if there’s a case of domestic violence on either side, the man/woman should stay put until he/she dies?

Osinachi was a martyr as far as religious women are concerned. She has found the ultimate peace and forgiveness and that is more than any married woman can ask for, as some religious folks would say. 🥱🥱🥱

tanigororo:
✓ To What Purpose is the Education of a Woman to a Man, when he is still expected to provide for her.

He is supposed to provide for her yet reports have it that in Nigeria alone, almost 50% of women in marriages are the breadwinners? I guess the lack of education has not really impacted the ability of women to provide for even educated men, huh??

If, you think education is only necessary for male providers then you really need your brain thoroughly vacuumed there.

Zanzibar1:
✓ You mean love doesn't exsist?

Granted there are different kinds of love out there but when it comes to romantic relationships, when red flags exist, what you typically have is the deceit riddled kind which can rarely be classified as love.

DoctorStanley:
✓ Isn't it amazing? I don't think majority do that though. Most times a non-grad guy tries to send a girl through uni then marry her - that's the story we hear most often anywsy

How many Nigerian men can afford to send a woman to uni? the ones you describe aren't the majority.

verminnel:
➜Sometimes we see the red flags and ignore them hoping we can change the person but Love is not enough,
➜ id[b] rather we picked up the pieces and moved on rather than fanning an impending blazing furnace[/b]. Good people deserve good people so do the bad people , no good soul deserves to live unhappy but bad things happen to good people sadly.

Does love exist where there are red flags?

2. Red flags fan flames to consume those who hold on to them.

irumole1975:
➜Western men rarely do. Most are dunce and dumb no.Thanks to women emasculating them.
Child support is based on the amount you earn as the payer, and sometimes court use a computed sum (= amount you’re supposed to earn) if you have a low paying job. For instance, a man with a PhD who currently earn $70k. Court won’t use this, they will use an input sum. He might end up paying 40% of that salary in CS and alimony.
FYI, women chase marriage more than men. As that’s the only guarantee of security for them. It guarantee them access to the man’s money, provision, free housing u don’t have to pay rent, foods, everything in her life get taken care of by the virtue of coming to the world with a vagina that men desire. Without marriage, the only place u can ruin a man is when he has a child with you.
Remove sex and 95% of what women can offer in a marriage reduced to zero. That’s why it’s the only thing you use as a bargaining chip.
In Nigerian context, u don’t see men in church praying to get married. We know the demography we find doing that. Women will always use marriage as leverage
As a man, I have zero interest in procreating in the western world, zero interest in marriage or having a woman live under my roof and enjoy what I have to offer. You know what I have interest in? Sex yeah sex! It’s the reason I take care of my body, I invest in my look a lot that mere looking at me mean sex without having to sweat it. Zero interest in women beyond sex but that’s just me. In the US, looks will get you more sex than kindness or money ever will..and again that’s why I invest in my looks. I know I look hot so I deserve whatever I get

This one thinks the world runs on the safe bullsheet he has stored up in his tiny brain. Nonsense! 🙄🙄🙄

Jman06:
➜It is not about manipulations but avoiding a situation where I'll be married to a so called educated lady who would tell me that "her money is her money alone while mine is for us". I'll rather marry an uneducated young girl whom I'm sexually attracted to and then provide her needs with my full chest.

No be you talk the following earlier?

Jman06:
A man doesn't need a woman who is too smart. That is what the red pill teaches. My education and smartness will do for two of us.

What other reason would a human being need to utter such words if not for the benefit of control/manipulation over the will of the other? 🙄🙄

Right there in that same Nigeria, many educated women would be willing to share financial responsibilities in marriage. Reports also indicate that almost 50% of Nigerian married women currently carry all of the financial burden in their marriage. But no, you must marry a woman you can manipulate in marriage, and your particular excuse is that you want to avoid women who would not wish to share the financial burden in marriage. 🙄🙄

Do you folks ever pre-process the bullsheet of your arguments before posting at all? Una go dey talk like say dem born the world just yesterday! 🙄🙄

underpinna:
➜I have been dating a lady of over 35 years which I know she will be older than that for over 8 months. I now want to pull out and don't know how. I am currently in their community and my rent will be due next year. A lot of people don't like the fact that she's older than me. But, She doesn't want me leave. What should I do...

What does it matter whether she wants you to leave or not? So long as you are no longer interested in the relationship... did she put a gun to your head that you feel you need to tell us about this? 🙄🙄🙄

bigpaul84:
➜ ‎In our modern society divorce is the order of the day in every family or marriage where there is little crisis. The Bible made us to understand that God hates divorce (Malachi   2:16)   For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Why then do we derived pleasure in doing what God hate?
‎Marriage is not free of crisis but divorce is certainly not the best option. In fact, it's the last option. ‎When you are having crisis in your home look for the best way to resolve the issues. As couple seat down together and iron out the issue..
‎Instead of divorce, separation is better (1 Corinthians   7:10)   And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband1 Corinthians   7:11)   But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. The whole essence of the separation is that maybe the couple might realize their mistakes and reconcile their differences and come together.
‎In divorce the innocent children is at the receiving ends. They will suffer for what they nothing about and lack parental love and affection.
‎ God bless you.

Divorce is a form of crisis resolution. Stop using your religious nonsense to turn marriage into a prison for those you wish to remain manipulated.

xtianchris:
➜Easier said than done .. Men should Marry For a purpose.

His purpose is clearly to have a woman he can train/manipulate in the way he desires, something that rarely ever works out for them in the end.

Jman06:
A man doesn't need a woman who is too smart. That is what the red pill teaches. My education and smartness will do for two of us.

DoctorStanley:
➜The OP has a point. It's not just you, it is not fair to the girl. Poor girl will be insecure which will lead to unreasonable jealousy. You can't discuss certain things with her because she doesn't speak that "language". You'd also be embarrassed by her grammar and lack of polish in certain circles. The OP had a point

Yet, the majority of Nigeria would continue to chase down and marry such girls instead of those equally as educated as themselves.