₦airaland Forum

bigpaul84:
➜ ‎In our modern society divorce is the order of the day in every family or marriage where there is little crisis. The Bible made us to understand that God hates divorce (Malachi   2:16)   For the LORD, the God of Israel, saith that he hateth putting away: for one covereth violence with his garment, saith the LORD of hosts: therefore take heed to your spirit, that ye deal not treacherously. Why then do we derived pleasure in doing what God hate?
‎Marriage is not free of crisis but divorce is certainly not the best option. In fact, it's the last option. ‎When you are having crisis in your home look for the best way to resolve the issues. As couple seat down together and iron out the issue..
‎Instead of divorce, separation is better (1 Corinthians   7:10)   And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband1 Corinthians   7:11)   But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife. The whole essence of the separation is that maybe the couple might realize their mistakes and reconcile their differences and come together.
‎In divorce the innocent children is at the receiving ends. They will suffer for what they nothing about and lack parental love and affection.
‎ God bless you.

Divorce is a form of crisis resolution. Stop using your religious nonsense to turn marriage into a prison for those you wish to remain manipulated.

xtianchris:
➜Easier said than done .. Men should Marry For a purpose.

His purpose is clearly to have a woman he can train/manipulate in the way he desires, something that rarely ever works out for them in the end.

Jman06:
A man doesn't need a woman who is too smart. That is what the red pill teaches. My education and smartness will do for two of us.

DoctorStanley:
➜The OP has a point. It's not just you, it is not fair to the girl. Poor girl will be insecure which will lead to unreasonable jealousy. You can't discuss certain things with her because she doesn't speak that "language". You'd also be embarrassed by her grammar and lack of polish in certain circles. The OP had a point

Yet, the majority of Nigeria would continue to chase down and marry such girls instead of those equally as educated as themselves.

Vitren:
➜this untold truth happen in USA and it kinda crazy but listen to the full story before making your opinions public

It happens even in Nigeria. What can she do but file for divorce, ensuring that she does not end up worse in life after that?

Akir2025:
➜Situations are Terrible, No food , No Permanent Shelter , No money to eat , No Good Job , 20k Salary , You have to Transport yourself for 9800 Naira .
All Efforts to Change situations proves Abortive ,Fasted and having ulcer ,prayed and prayed ,Already having a Cracked Voice ,Visited mountains etc ,Crusades ,Church Programmes etc .
Not Fornicating ,Not keeping malice or into any Evil ..Just Maintain a clean heart .
Situation becomes worst, Child at home not going school because of sch.fees, Insults and serious Embarrassing situations .
YOU ARE NOT KILLING ANYONE, ITS JUST ONESELF ,LIFE THAT IS WORTHLESS,SINCE ITS A MUST ONE MUST DIE , DOES IT MAKES ANY DIFFERENCE ONE ENDING IT ...THIS SHOULD NOT BE CALLED A SIN ..

Let me guess! You signed up for the full Christian religious package, but now you find that this particular religious rule does not work for you, and you are desperate to deny the logic behind it?

Look, Christianity is made up of over 46,000 different denominations — each of them with their different laws of sin, etc., basically different deity and interpretation— so, you only need to find the one that best fits your particular belief at this point, and you are religiously good to go.

Maeve7:
➜In this case, they ended up in a garden with infertile soil.

Huh?

And whose fault is it that the garden is infertile in this case, since originally you had said marriage is a garden where you reap what you sow?

lincs25:
➜The man is ignorant, he is thinking that he will go and leave the woman with liability and responsibility and got married to another woman and settled down. I am telling him to better settle with this woman since their issues is not infidelity.

Well, the man has a right to demand a divorce from his wife. He already has the idea in mind, so I don't think there is a need to keep him from doing what he wants. Rather, the wife should begin now making plans for her own future, particularly custody of the children. She should not settle for full custody; she is likely to regret it, as that would mean she would not be able to live her own life.

Confuse20:
➜Now here is what I told her tonight because bills are on the table .... I let her understand it's easier for me to get wedding money if she is with me running business and making money for the house . And I'm ready to take a loan of 300k to start Raw Food business .but seems she just want me to be sending money while she stays in her Aunty house ...and of course me to work and get wedding money too at the same time .but I sent her this to let her know ..please tell me if I thought it out well

Ogbeni, tell her you want to break up with her. Stop telling her all these stories that are beside the point. Your OP clearly shows you are not into her.

You claim you are ready to take out a loan. If the business does not work out naw, na for your mouth we go hear say na the girl fault for not turning out a genius then. Worse, you go come begin beat am again. Find your way, make she go find her own way.

lincs25:
➜Similar issue I am trying to resolve between a friend and his wife, after giving birth to five children with the wife he is considering divorce. I am telling him he will regret this decision but he is head bent. He want to leave the wife with the children.

You should be telling the wife instead to ensure she settles for nothing less than shared custody of the children, abeg!

ADAMUdaCOWBOY:
➜In your gender's bid to forcefully equate yourselves with men, you will never fail to harm yourselves. Most men will very happily take the kids, how many men you know give up their kids in the event of a divorce without a fight? Most women scramble to have the kids so they can use them for blackmail.

Most men? Yet in over 90% of the cases, rather than fight for shared custody, many would rather the woman have full custody while they go off complaining of how much they have to send her as support.

Nigerian women need to normalize giving the man full custody of his children or at least settle for nothing less than shared custody.

Chopbeleful100:
See what all this transgendered are saying,ok let us turn the table upside down can that woman start paying for the children upkeep

Even here in the U.S., the average is not that much as it depends on how much each of the individuals make.

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the average monthly child support payment across the United States is approximately $430. However, this figure varies significantly based on factors such as parental income, the number of children, and unique circumstances that affect financial obligations.

Paying that amount for the woman who, according to the man, has a master's degree will be no big deal. Even better, she can divide that amount in two if she chooses shared custody of the children.

Maeve7:
➜Marriage is like a garden. You reap what you sow.

I disagree with this analogy! There are numerous cases of individuals who go into marriage naive and docile, giving it their all, only to end up with the worst of treatments.

Confuse20:
➜She is with her Aunty in Ibadan while I live in osun state

This is what you posted
➜ You don't want to send her money anymore
➜ You are even ready to break up with her
➜ The child is the only thing keeping you both together

Explain to her that you are not interested in continuing the relationship with her. Additionally, explain to her that the two of you should go to the courts, where you will officially file for full custody while she gets visitation rights due to her being currently unable to fend for herself and the child at the same time. (If her situation changes in the future, she can go back and try for shared custody at that point in time. Ask her to consult a lawyer on her end in the meantime, so she understands well what you are both trying to move forward with.

Ask her to come to Nairaland to post her concerns if she doesn't understand what is going on, and I am certain there are people here who can help her with how to obtain the information she needs.

omolola12345:
➜If there is third party with you maybe a visitor or someone from outside it's somehow for the man to carry the plate himself to the kitchen because we have that culture in Nigeria. But if there is no visitor it's not a big deal for me to carry my plates myself to the kitchen. Most times i do carry my wife's plate to the kitchen with my own. And she does the same thing even more than I do. The men must remove that ancient mentality of our forefathers and the Pastors or Imams must not be too spiritual and turn it to something that will be forced on their wife or expected from them. Always remember that the woman or the wife is not your slave she is your help meet.

Na Fake life be your own? Go on then!

irumole1975:
✓ @chopbeleful100.. a man earn $174k before tax and 41% of this money go to ti his ex wife as CS and alimony. CS and alimony is untaxed for the receiver but taxes for the givers. This is the reason western MEN don’t initiate divorce despite the shege they’re seeing (they cook, provide, do laundry, get disrespected and masculinity down the drain, get cheated on and get to raise bastarrd, their women withold sex until the man take our the thrash ) and their wife barely do anything. They know if they initiate divorce despite the shege, they will lose on all front. The women mostly initiate when she’s tired and want to get his money and chance to fvvk other rich without accountability
Western men have it worse the most. The only way you can live in the west without ur self worh being questioned is never procreate, never marry, do protection for urself so ur sperm don’t get to give anyone oregano and never discus this, that way u can enjoy sex without the bs that come after it. Invest in ur looks

Nonsense and egreedient! 😩😩😩

Western men don't initiate divorce, yet the numbers in the U.S. alone indicate that 30-31% of divorces are initiated by men. Of the divorces initiated by the women, infidelity/husband's affair was cited as one of the many contributing factors—it is the primary reason. This points to men willing to engage in affairs rather than choose divorce first, leading to the wives who find themselves in the middle needing to initiate divorce in their stead.

Confuse20:
✓ She no gree infact it was an outburst when I decided that the child goes to school around me and I take care of her . She said she carry her in her womb 9 months .. and she won't come stay with me either too ..now she keeps disturbing me for money everyday .. ..I think if I keep sending her she would feel relaxed over there and I can't afford wedding now coz things are not fine financially and this woman knows ..

I didn't suggest that you take care of her, though. Tell her you want to break up with her and are able to take full custody of the child in the case she is not herself able to provide fully for herself and the child at this time.

The two of you are not good together; that much is clear. So, the only way is for you to either share custody with her --- the child stays with you for x days and then with her for x days -- or you can consider one of you getting full custody while the other gets visitation rights x number of days each month.

Chopbeleful100:
See what all this transgendered are saying,ok let us turn the table upside down can that woman start paying for the children upkeep

The courts decide how much is to be paid for upkeep. And it is typically based off of how much one makes/has, etc,. Contrary to aot of what you hear in male dominated circles, it isn't that much even here in the U.S, talk less of UK or Nigeria.

AngelahFlo:
➜Can you tell me how it doesn't connect so far? Cos you have this way of spinning words in such a subtle way as to deceive. It's consistent with you. Did you read the bible portion I dropped at the beginning of the post. Can you tell me where and where what I shared is different from what Apostle Paul was trying to share?
➜ First off, the Love of a baby to a child is selfish at best. Every baby wants attention.
➜ Real Love is not an attention seeker. It seeks the good of the other and it's a giving Love. Please read that bible passage in your Bible and lemme know which version it is before responding to this post. I shared mine from the Amplified Bible version. Lemme know which version or which book you got your reference from and we can argue from that angle.

1. This is coming from someone who has acknowledged on more than one occasion that religion is entirely based on spins of the actual reports contained in the book called the Bible?

2. Yikes.... so a baby's want for attention is your idea of a baby's love? Yikes! I wonder where this is heading.

3. So, this is your interpretation, which runs counter to what was written by Paul, the Jewish Israelite. In verse 3, Paul, the Jewish Israelite, explained that the love which is required of him is not for the benefit of others, though.

Lekan239:
when he was single he do served himself food too right?

Your point is what then?

Confuse20:
➜Please should I just free this woman because if she is with me we can do more together like saving money and taking car if the family ..then we can go do wedding when we have money but she want me to save money for wedding .
➜ Pay school fee , send 10k monthly and sti be sending urgent 1k2k every now and then
➜ Please what can I do abeg I don tire .. m feeling I should block her off for 2months .maybe she can think ..because I don't think I can afford the weddinf next year coz I habe other things ..I want to start a business for mysekf ..buy car and use for Uber

You assaulted the woman and she decided to put a distance between you and herself until maybe after you have paid her bride price. But you are considering breaking up with her instead?

2. It seems you think she is a drain on your finances at this point, forgetting she is taking care of your child and everything that is involved. money instead of helping at this point.

3. Tell her you would like to have full custody of the child so that you won't need to pay her any kobo ever again. That way, you can raise the child by yourself. If she would like to, maybe, visit the child every now and then, you can both work out the terms and conditions on that, too.

tanigororo:
➜Dey play, madam brainwash

I simply stated a fact! What play is there in that?

phemray:
➜From your point, I can see reason for plenty single mother. As African, the past mothers are not fools but the present ones. An African lady should not marry if she is not ready to do all the work of a woman.
➜ It does not start today, if today women now copy another culture, then they should copy the contract marriage and divorce that follows.
➜ Man is man and woman is a woman. Women should know their role as African woman. Enough of packaging. It's not compulsory to have kids if woman is not ready to act as a mother. Lazy youths of today.

1. So, are African ladies meant to exist cursed to continue living life as their grandmothers and mothers before them? They are not allowed to abandon those old chains, no matter what?

2. Divorce is already on the rise in Nigeria and among Nigerians abroad. It's already here!

3. Soon, those lazy women/babymamas will soon learn to give full custody of your children to you as well, so they can match off to live and enjoy their lives after dealing with you.

mamawa123:
➜Just as I or some men don't have any problem taking plates to the kitchen after a meal, our spouses shouldn't have any problems contributing half of the monthly home expenses either.

Interesting submission! So, you are saying that as is, the average man's average contribution more than covers the cost for all the work done by the woman in the marriage, so, his taking his plate to the kitchen necessitates that she take on at least half monthly home expenses?

Care to tell us how much you currently pay for your home expenses, either as a single or married person?

---

FYI, the average unmarried man out there finds himself meeting the following needs for himself. (He also has the option of paying others to handle many of these on his behalf.)
➜ Housekeeping or home care
➜ Cooking
➜ Maintenance needs
➜ Managing his emotions and frustrations
➜ Getting his sexual needs satisfied
➜ Handling day-to-day chores outside of his primary career duties...

favour32:
➜In the Olden days men nor dey take plate go kitchen. But since this contemporary time,some men nor only take plate go kitchen but also dey wash am, especially those men wey nor get financial resources.

It ain't just that. Women are no longer mouthing off the same old brainwash that their grandmothers and mothers before them had always done. And that has made a bigger difference.

descarado:
➜See kweshion.
Well, oga specifically told me during courtship. No serve me. You aren't my maid but going to be my better half.
Don't even know how long we have been married and I have never washed his plates. I don’t dish out food for him. Anybody who is washing at that moment can wash all. And you must thank the person for doing that for you. Be it the kids. As for dishing out food,nobody dishes out food for anybody in this house. If you want to finish the whole pot, na you sabi. There is always an alternative.
We make marriages so hard with some unrealistic expectations that the moment we don't do them anymore,westart seeing cracks and we wonder why.
I have mentioned it severally,whether hands or machine, I do not wash his clothes. He wash and sort them out. It is a union. Partnership. I no be anybody slave. The day I feel like making speciality, I do. Nobody pressures me. If you come and there is no food, both you and the kids know what to do. You even make and give me.

It is all that traditional/religious nonsense to blame for why many people — particularly women— are unable to think for themselves in life and in marriage.

olabrad:
➜You expect the responsibilities above to attract a cost from the man, but still expect the man to carry his own plate after he has paid all the costs above? You are a double-standard hypocrite! Peeps like expect traditional treatment without fulfilling traditional responsibilities.

Your retort makes absolutely no sense! 😩😩😩

Esthered:
Alpha mails left the group chat. His plan was to saddle her with the responsibility of caring for 5 children but she outsmarted him. If he was hands on, he would have been able to manage but be overwhelmed. He was a PROVIDER as that's the sole duty in his marriage manual. I hope it's fiction.

I doubt it is fiction!

billyG:
➜ I said it bc some people still doubt even with overwhelming evidences.

Well, just so we are clear, there is evidence, and then there is just hogwash.

tanigororo:
➜ First Time your comments is partially reasonable. When he was single he clears his own plate, cook his own food. It's not brainwash or stupidity for her to clear the plate, it's willingness and submission. it doesn't matter who clears the table, washes the dishes, or cook.

Your willingness and submission rhetorics against women are products of brainwashing.

Gbadebo19:
➜ And what exactly is wrong with being traditional or religious minded? 🤷🤷

Did I say there is anything wrong with that? Those are individual choices for whatever reasons such people decide. However, my argument has instead been that those folks and their many ritual do not define marriage for all individuals and couples out there.

ottersberger:
➜ Did your father take his plate to the kitchen, too?. Shidren of nawadays.

Yes! I am talking of the period as far back as the late 70s/80s in Nigeria here.

phemray:
➜Why then the woman need to marry a man?
➜ She should stay alone and allow men to rest and go to kitchen by self. I can't be spending on you and still be doing your known job you are trained of from cradle.
➜ This generation ladies are very lazy and don't know how to cook reason they wanted men do Thier job.

1. Most women marry to have themselves a partner, not to live as servants or slaves to another human being.

2. The average unmarried man out there finds himself meeting the following needs for himself. (He also has the option of paying others to handle many of these on his behalf.)
➜ Housekeeping or home care
➜ Cooking
➜ Maintenance needs
➜ Managing his emotions and frustrations
➜ Getting his sexual needs satisfied
➜ Handling day-to-day chores outside of his primary career duties...

No sane woman forces a man at gunpoint to marry her.

3. This generation of ladies rightly do not want to live as imbe_ciles and fools like those before them. They were wise enough to realize the foolishness of the old ways to decide they would not continue to perpetuate the same curse women had in the past on themselves.