₦airaland Forum

victorazy:
■ No amount is little, is all about Love, Commitment, Determination, Vision and Dream.
■ When I married my wife we had nothing, we stayed in one room selfcon. As a young architect, my work was seasonal, sometimes I go several months without any income and she was newly graduated with no work. Sometimes when there was no food in the house she'll go to her customer in market and beg for food stuffs for credit which I do pay when I gat the money and she never one day insulted me. There was a time in my compound where we later packed in, ppl were calling her "Uniform" because she used to wear only one cloth BUT today story don dey change. na the same people dey collect the contacts of the telor that is always making her cloths.

1. Una too dey like drag fairy tale ideals into issues when it sounds convenient. Op tell you say love, commitment, etc., factored into his decision to marry? Abegi!

2. Everybody shouldn't be like you and your wife naw since everybody don't believe the things you and your wife believe in. People are different for good reason.

tk4radi:
■ Let me not just assume that you misunderstood everything I wrote up there. Now, read the things I wrote. Understand it well.. And comment again. f you saw anywhere I BLAMED anybody,, point it out for me..

1. Mentioning your wife and kids sounded a lit like they are part reason(blame) for your wanting to run away, but the truth is they have no part in what you are going through as it is instead all you and none of them.

Growing up in Nigeria, I saw a lot of particularly men eventually abandon their families, only to years later, pop up somewhere else with a new family in tow. As though it was the previous wife and children to blame for it all. Again, what you I believe you need more is not a break but mental therapy to help you understand and figure out best way to deal/cope with the stresses of life.

Delightsome2023:
■ I guess you're battling insomnia
By the way, are you still into programming?
Also there's a thread you created far back in 2008, you were recruiting teachers to join your research team.
Is this still active?
This is the link
https://www.nairaland.com/115339/call-teachers-students-faculty-members
Sorry I had to quote you in an inactive thread.

1. I do sometimes battle insomnia,yes. And I quit working as a programmer sometime ago.

Delightsome2023:
why are you always on nairaland during odd and ungodly hours? Or is it differences in time zone?

Me and you no dey set time by the same clock and maybe not even the same sleep schedule.

tk4radi:
■ The reason I think of such things at times, even though I have a family, is because, sometimes I get totally fed-up with everything. My wife would be there thinking that having a Family SHOULD mean everything to me, and be More Than Enough for me to be always happy in this world.. Only if she would ever know that at times,, I prefer to stay with the wild trees and birds, than to stay with her and the kids So, you don't know what the man might be going through in the family. We need to hear both sides of the story.

1. Did your wife put a gun to your head forcing you into marrying her and having these kids who you now say you sometimes imagine you don't always care for? Why pretend they are somehow to blame for any of what you are dealing with?,

Also, why not go visit a mental health care counselor to help you deal with the turmoil in your head rather than pretend you were somehow forced into your present situation?

afrika:
I AM WORRIED ABOUT THIS GENERATION AND THE ONE COMING IN FRONT.....

They are learning well from the mistakes of the generations before them. Yes, all you see today is a result of the training and examples they got from those who came before them. Nothing new!

djon78:
■ Op here is the best reply to your post Marrying immature women will be the undoing of many guys. Except for very few 20yrs old women. Many of them can't stand the heat in marriage. Marriage no be beans, it's not for small children.
■ If not for the matured woman I married, by now my marriage would have been scattered. There were times I was really behaving like a pric.k, as in. But this woman still stayed by me. It was later my eyes opened that I really messed up big time, I retracted my steps and changed for good. If not for the wonderful matured woman I married, e for done be for me. But many young women can't stand the heat. They will definitely leave. So op brace yourself, pick up and get going. Let God come through for you, make e better for you. It's not easy having a woman around you and next she is gone. Just be strong. You will get over it

1. Does OP sound to you like someone who is more mature than the woman he married?

2. Ah, I see! You were immature and married a mature woman who you claim stayed with you. But if that mature woman had abandoned your immature arse, you would have come on to blame her for leaving you, right? Una assessment dey make person wonder which way Nigerians abeg!

Akalia:
Bro truly marriage opens doors but only when the man has got vision and committed to it. I am a living witness.

Rubbish!

Johnchrix:
Don’t be deceived abt sexual attractions or love. It doesn’t exist and it’s just a mirage. There’s what we call change (s) when it sets in, in character or action wise, sex doesn’t have a role to play. When u have a woman that talk before she thinks, showed up with laziness and lackadaisical attitude in the name of “am married” everything will start collapsing. Do not ever make the mistake of marrying for romantic love, love is a fallacy, its a tool used to manipulate weak minds. If you want to marry without regrets, marry based on the qualities and things that will ensure the growth or expansion of your financial wealth, sustainability of your success and lineage. Marry like the Royal families.

LOL.... What in the world convinced you that OP himself married for love and not Konji? He married his wife and even had a child while strapped down by poverty and you think that spells love on his part? Abegi!

victorazy:
■ What's she doing with her own money?

1. How much does a school teacher in that country earn? Combine that with what OP makes and see how that comes nowhere to fend for a family of 3 in this economy no matter which way you slice and dice it. Now, imagine when OP's share is no longer available... as in he says he lost his job. What do you expect her to do for 3 mouths with what she makes? Magic?

peacefulhome:
Ladies of now adays are not ready to suffer with any man. If not, why can't she be little more patient for the husband to bounce back.

Why should she be patient? He promised to be head over her, taking care of all her financial needs while she submits to him in return. He failed to meet his end of the bargain as far as she is concerned, something he himself does not refute, even with an additional mouth to feed.

Gasayi:
■ They just leave everything for men. I believe marriage should be 50 50 all hand must be on deck to bring something to the table now. Before you marry make sure you have something meaningful going on for you. Not just one job but other side hustle that print money for you. Also look out for the kind woman you are getting married to.

1. They just leave everything to men or do men choose to sit as head over the woman who submits to them in marriage? You can't have it both ways though. Either you wish to be head of household or you share 50-50 as partners. Pick one!

OsuIgboIpob:
■ Not necessarily. Some men married as a virgin, but will still later marry other wives. Whereas, a whóre (any girl with more than 2 BODYCOUNT) can never be trusted. It's always best to marry a virgin because the chances that a whórë will cheat in marriage is more than 50%> In fact, a study shows that any girl with more than 5 bodycount before marriage can never have a prosperous marriage. She'll most likely cheat. She'll most likely be impossible to satisfy. She'll be an ungrateful Bastard. She'll be a stubborn fool.

When I was young, we used to call people who think such as you do mumuni or bongafish brain! Hope that helps!

UniversalGee:
■ Can't believe I'm creating a thread about this. I'm in 200 level without a single female friend.
Is that a bad life, if it is, how can I change that? Share your experience on how you made female friends in the university.
■ By the way, I'm in Engineering faculty and we don't have Feminine girls in my faculty.

1. I am sorry, just trying to wrap my mind around why a supposedly intelligent engineering student would think what he asks here makes sense of some sort?

2. In what rule book of life is it written that if you don't make feminine girls your friends in university, you are doomed never to encounter them ever in life? Or are you just here to post your brain farts for kicks?

Nwaotu10:
Reason we always tell SIMPS to wife virgins or someone with not more than one body count.

Because virgins don't think of and never eventually succumb to desires for other dicks, abi?

Banbulu:
■ Na so gold digger take de start

1. What gold digger? Your ancestors instituted gold digging, if you must know. So, if she no be your type, waka pass and go find yourself one wey go fit you instead.

Videocaller:
Fast forward to this month, she said she wants us to move in together. I currently stay in a 2bedroom apartment (where one of the rooms is my office and the other is my bedroom) and she stays in a self-con but she is rich enough and she’s hardworking. She is suggesting we move into a 3-bedroom apartment and she will be the one to pay the rent. I’ve worked my way from a one room apartment to where I am today. I’m skeptical about the move. Matured minds in the building Biko tell me what you think?

I don't follow at all. Are all relationships the same that you feel you must ask us what you should do in clearly what is your relationship and situation? I am not the one dating this woman so how exactly am I to know what to tell her? I am also not in your head to know what you would prefer to do in this case.

Banbulu:
■ OK, I have this babe, we got flowing since 2 months now, buh wot happened yesterday was that I got to know she has been collecting gift like airtime n money from other dudes, I confronted her that this act is not loyal to me, she ask me wether she shouldn't accept any gift from people, I told her 99% is not wit good intentions,, To cut the story short I'm confused on wot action to take I have been avoiding her chat since yesterday, though she told me she has even quarrel wit the person, and it's Tru that not all gifts r good intentions, buh tinx never clear to me, A girl told me one time that if I don't give her attention, other people will do, now if I allow this to happen, statement like If you do not give money other people will. Can anyone help me in this my situation?

If you cannot stand her living her life as she pleases, then walk away from the relationship and move on to find someone else who fits your compass. Stop disturbing Nairaland with all these brain farts abeg! Leave the girl alone and go find another who fits your culture and moral levels abeg!

Princedapace:
Baba, I am not arguing anything. I simply said, no one is holding women from having side cocks. Period, no law is stopping them. Most of u here dont just read to understand but full of sentiments. I was only saying that no law stops women from having side cock, that the only reason it is more like men do it more is becus here, men marry women and provide for them. The risk of losing the home and security makes these ladies to be loyal. I said, women should do same, marry men, provide for them, and they will rule that marriage.

Please make certain you clearly comprehend the response before you post your rebuttal abeg!

1. Why do people like you always argue with blinders on abeg? There are different kinds of marriages out there, as it is not just the kind you were raised to know of that exists.

2. There are lots of men who were supposedly wooed by their women. Haven't you heard of women inserting themselves into the man's circle to cause him to notice them? Or have you never heard of wrecking a man's relationship in order to insert themselves as his love interest instead? As for wedding lists, if a man pays for the list, that is the man's business. Na your forefathers set that nonsense up for their own benefits — they felt they had to get something for trading their girls to another man. So, if you have complaints, take it up with the men who charge those things.

elganzar:
■ If you go back and read a bit slower, you'll observe your attention was called to your fallacious claim in respect to the Western world... Since you articulate well, I'll assume you can easily google surveys and studies to back my claim (I know you already googled it_ hence your attempt to deflect) I would've just smiled and ignored as usual; but you're unnecessarily loud, and too bold for someone (usually) so wrong... Intelligent people don't shout, they discuss

1. You are not making any sense here. Yes, the marriage abandonment rates in Nigeria are as high as the divorce rates in the Northern parts of Nigeria as well as the rates obtained in the West. And yes, these abandonments in marriage are perpetrated majorly by Nigerian men in Nigeria. So what part of that are you having a hard time comprehending?

justli:
■ The thief said: "Lord, remember me when You come into Your kingdom" He already confessed Jesus as Lord and he believed in the resurrection.
■ The bible said if you'll confess with your mouth that he is the lord and believed in your heart that was raised from the dead, then you shall be saved. You can see the theief confessed Jesus and believed in his resurrection.
■ Now this refutes your understanding of born again as mere baptism... Baptism symbolises the moment, but the real spiritual renewal and rebirth is the acceptance of Jesus as lord and saviour.
■ To buttress, the thief clearly has not being baptized, yet saved because he already received a renewal of spirit. By accepting Jesus, he was born again.

1. Yes, I know what the thief said, but what He said does not change what God Himself decreed.

2. The Bible did not say that as instead Jesus Christ is instead the one who said that like the serpent in the wilderness, He will be raised up and all those condemned to die that would look up and believe in Him would not perish but have eternal life - John 3 vs 10 - 16. Jesus, however, did not say they would be born-again by that since in the same John 3 Jesus Christ, prior to speaking in reference to the Old Law, made it emphatically clear that no man can enter into the Kingdom of God i.e. become born-again without being born of water and born of the spirit of eternal life.

3. I beg to differ because you seem to be the one mistaking what is stated for what it isn't. Baptism does not symbolize a moment, not according to Jesus Christ who instead made clear that all must be — without exception — born of water and of Spirit in this life before they can then enter into the Kingdom of God. This means anyone who is not born of water and born of Spirit cannot enter the Kingdom of God. So, you need to decide whether you believe Jesus Christ or whether you believe instead in the stories in your head which clearly oppose Jesus Christ's very own declaration regarding entry into His own Kingdom.

4. Answer this for yourself.
What was the thief saved from? How could the thief have received what you call a renewal of spirit when Jesus Christ said that only to be born of spirit applies only to those who enter into the Kingdom of God? Are you saying Jesus Christ who made said all that in the context of His conversation with Nicodemus lied?

justli:
■ Rom 10: The condition for redemption is straight forward if we don't go stretching: Believe that he is the Lord, crucified and raised, and confess him as your lord. No work needed.

I cannot stress the importance of paying attention to the contextual message intended by a writer before we make these leaps in supposed logic.

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Paul, beginning from verse 1 of that passage of Romans 10 begins by stating the conditions of his people under the Old Law. Then in verse 4 he expressed his belief that Christ ended the Old Law in order that everyone who believes in HIm may be made right with God — not in Jesus Christ.
In verse 5 of Romans 10, Paul references God's statement from the Law revealing that trust and obedience to God's commandments and statutes — faith — was in fact God's mandate even to His people of Old.

1 The Lord said to Moses,
2 “Tell the Israelites: I am the Lord your God.
3 You must not follow the customs of Egypt where you lived, and you must not follow the customs of the Canaanites where I am leading you. You must not live the way they do.
4 You must obey my rules and follow my laws. Be sure to follow my rules because I am the Lord your God.
5 You must obey my rules and my laws, because whoever obeys them will live. I am the Lord. - Leviticus 18 vs 5

In verse 6-8 of Romans 10, Paul quotes another important teaching from the Old Law of Moses where God made clear that the commands He had given them to obey were in their hearts for them to obey, again, stressing the need for them to trust and obey — faith.

11 “This command that I give you today is not too hard for you. It is not a secret hidden in some far away land.
12 This command is not in heaven so that you should say, ‘Who will go up to heaven for us and bring it to us, so that we can hear and do it?’
13 This command is not on the other side of the sea so that you should say, ‘Who will go across the sea for us and bring it to us so that we can hear it and do it?’
14 No, the word is very near to you. It is in your mouth and in your heart. So you can obey it. - Deuteronomy 30 vs 11 - 14

Jesus Christ, the one who did, in fact, come down from Heaven, made reference to God's message in Deuteronomy 30 vs 11 - 14 when He proclaimed, conversation with Nicodemus, that He is the one come down from Heaven, the teaching from God that the people ought also to obey.

10 Jesus said, “You are an important teacher of Israel, and you still don’t understand these things?
11 The truth is, we talk about what we know. We tell about what we have seen. But you people don’t accept what we tell you.
12 I have told you about things here on earth, but you do not believe me. So I’m sure you will not believe me if I tell you about heavenly things!
13 The only one who has ever gone up to heaven is the one who came down from heaven—the Son of Man.
14 “Moses lifted up the snake in the desert. It is the same with the Son of Man. He must be lifted up too.
15 Then everyone who believes in him can have eternal life.”
16 Yes, God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him would not be lost but have eternal life. - John 3 vs 10 - 16

So, as Jesus Christ said, those who believe in Him will have eternal life— grace— which is given as salvation from Death, the consequence or judgment against them by God's Old Law — not to be confused with righteousness by the Law that is Jesus Christ. All those who believe are saved i.e. justified by the standard that is God's Old Law which Jesus Christ ended by offering them Life in place of the Old penalty.

The act of believing which constitutes trust and obedience to God's commandment or rule or statute also constitutes the doing of work. More importantly, be well aware of how all of this is said in reference to God's Old Law, and not the Kingdom of God.

Natbrowny:
That guy in suit understands them better than the one on afro. U see dem abi

Maybe the problem is with you trying to understand all women when all you really ought to do is understand the particular woman you are with.

Urheadmaster:
Even after spending your money, you still need to wait till she request for it

In that case, she is really doing you a favor since it is all for the money you spent on her.

Felix6:
That means a mandate thief can be saved if He duly returned it to the owner and asked for forgiveness.

I am afraid that is an entirely wrong assumption made there by your person!

omotodun1:
■ Virgins are the worst! Do you honestly think that your virgin wife will not desire other men? The naivety of Nigerian men is astounding.

1. The mindfuckery na another level entirely!

rafcrown:
FEAR SOME SO CALLED MARRIED WOMEN.

Do you equally fear men who cheat too?

elganzar:
■ Lol I don't know of northern Nigeria, but women initiate 69/70% of divorce in the western world__ said 69/70 depending on the study you choose to adopt...

. I don't know where your stats come from but in Nigeria, marriage abandonments, since the time of your ancestors, have majorly been perpetrated by your men folk. From the practice of dumping bridal dumping — sending a woman(along with her kids) back to her father's house and demanding a return of the bridal price paid—, to the practice of ghosting a previous family— without providing support of any kind or formal separation— these practices traditionally practiced and condoned by men even to this day

BabaAduras:
There was typo error in my last response. I meant to type Romans 9:15-16.

In Romans 9, Paul speaks instead of God's mercy/compassion — use of individuals in the forwarding of His plan— which God made clear He pours out on all of mankind — not just those who believe in Him — every single day. Another important point is to always pay attention to the contextual message of writing in order to avoid giving a different meaning to a verse from that intended by its author as many seem to do in this case.

1. I am in Christ and I am telling you the truth. I am not lying. And my conscience, ruled by the Holy Spirit, agrees that what I say now is true.
2 I have great sorrow and always feel much sadness
3 for my own people. They are my brothers and sisters, my earthly family. I wish I could help them. I would even have a curse on me and cut myself off from Christ if that would help them.
4 They are the people of Israel, God’s chosen children. They have the glory of God and the agreements he made between himself and his people. God gave them the Law of Moses, the Temple worship, and his promises.
5 They are the descendants of our great fathers, and they are the earthly family of the Messiah, who is God over all things. Praise him forever Amen.
6 I don’t mean that God failed to keep his promise to the Jewish people. But only some of the people of Israel are really God’s people. 7 And only some of Abraham’s descendants are true children of Abraham. This is what God said to Abraham: “Your true descendants will be those who come through Isaac.”
8 This means that not all of Abraham’s descendants are God’s true children. Abraham’s true children are those who become God’s children because of the promise he made to Abraham.
9 Here is what God said in that promise: “About this time next year I will come back, and Sarah will have a son.”
10 And that is not all. Rebecca also had sons, and they had the same father. He is our father Isaac.
11-12 But before the two sons were born, God told Rebecca, “The older son will serve the younger.” This was before the boys had done anything good or bad. God said this before they were born so that the boy he wanted would be chosen because of God’s own plan. He was chosen because he was the one God wanted to call, not because of anything the boys did.
13 As the Scriptures say, “I loved Jacob, but I hated Esau.”
14 So what does this mean? That God is not fair? We cannot say that.
15 God said to Moses, “I will show mercy to anyone I want to show mercy to. I will show pity to anyone I choose.”
16 So God will choose anyone he decides to show mercy to, and his choice does not depend on what people want or try to do.
17 In the Scriptures God says to Pharaoh: “I made you king so that you could do this for me. I wanted to show my power through you. I wanted my name to be announced throughout the world.”
18 So God shows mercy to those he wants to show mercy to and makes stubborn those he wants to make stubborn.
19 So one of you will ask me, “If God controls what we do, why does he blame us for our sins?”
20 Don’t ask that. You are only human and have no right to question God. A clay jar does not question the one who made it. It does not say, “Why did you make me like this?”
21 The one who makes the jar can make anything he wants. He uses the same clay to make different things. He might make one thing for special purposes and another for daily use. - Romans 9 vs 1 - 21

In the above passage, Paul addresses the issue of God's using of people in the forwarding of His plan and intentions towards His people, Israel. Paul points out that following what God said to Moses, anyone, whether good or bad, stubborn or evil, can be used by God to forward His plan. Paul goes on to point out the example of how God used Pharaoh in forwarding His plan toward His Israel.

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Should we confuse any of what Paul has stated in the above passage to mean that God can randomly make anyone He wants righteous simply by way of His mercy? Of course not! You should note that absolutely none of the righteous men of Old were ever granted salvation by God simply on grounds of God's mercy. God made clear in HIs Law — His standard of righteousness — to His people, that only those of them who love Him — live in submission and obedience to His teachings and commandments — that are made righteous, justified by Him through their obedience. This was true in the case of Abraham - Genesis 26 vs 5 -, for Jacob, for Moses and all the Old Prophets and same even through Jesus Christ.

FrancisDiote:
When God said he will have mercy upon whom he will, you think say that statement na joke?

Do not mistake God's mercy/kindness for God's righteousness. Jesus Christ explained to you in His teachings, that God pours out that very same mercy/kindness every day on the wicked and the ungrateful of mankind, the unbelievers as well. All of the benefits of God's mercy are enjoyed by even those who do not believe in God at all. Yes, even unbelievers experience happiness, and miracles in their lives, all courtesy of God's mercy and compassion on mankind.

What the thief on the cross experienced was more than God's compassion. However, it was certainly not that defined as being of the Kingdom of God, since Jesus Christ made it abundantly clear that no man will enter the Kingdom of God without being born-again.

Princedapace:
■ That is like eating ur cake and having it back.
■ Women should join men and start wooing men, take up their wedding list and bring their peple to marry the man. This way, they lead the home and can have side bf and if the man refuses, they kick the man out and he returns the groom price.

1. Why do people like you always argue with blinders on abeg? There are different kinds of marriages out there, as it is not just the kind you were raised to know of that exists.

2. There are lots of men who were supposedly wooed by their women. Haven't you heard of women inserting themselves into the man's circle to cause him to notice them? Or have you never heard of wrecking a man's relationship in order to insert themselves as his love interest instead? As for wedding lists, if a man pays for the list, that is the man's business. Na your forefathers set that nonsense up for their own benefits — they felt they had to get something for trading their girls to another man. So, if you have complaints, take it up with the men who charge those things.

GeeM:
■ earth quakes, war here and there

1. And where in scripture did you read that those are signs of this rapture you speak of?