₦airaland Forum

I was called yesterday also to start training with IBPLC on monday.

@ejykolisis,

The format is numerical reasoning, verbal reasoning (with comprehension), critical reasoning (you have to watch out for this one!). Time is 1hr 30 mins. Thegoo news is you are allowed to use calculators, the bad news is they do negative marking, so no guesses as they deduct the ones you failed from the one you got right! By he way you have about 100 questions.

Hey have gotten any invitation to write the test on the 17th or is it just rumours? I have a friend who wants to write IBPLC's test in PH. How did you guys apply?

@ Lord 1,

Thanks bro 4 answering Theed's question. The poor guy asked 4 info instead he succeeded in triggering off an avalanche of questions, as if he works for Oceanic Bank already! Na wa o!!

Yo Momma so stupid:





* she called me to get my phone number.

* she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."


* she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.



*she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.

*she tried to drown a fish.



*she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death.

*she tripped over a cordless phone.

*she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.



*she studied for a blood test.



*when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.



*when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home

@ Hot-angel,
I believe dyslexics are people with a little co-ordination problem, for eg. they might have a little problem knowing their right from their left or remembering the correct spelling of words. Really, they are normal and a lot of world famous people are dyslexics, believe it or not. People like Einstein, General Patton etc.

Good joke, I must admit. But after that, what the hell is every other person yakking about?

what makes think sucking always have to do with a guys dick. Abi U dey use ur dick suck woman? Anyway, let's ask beautygal the one she likes most, sucking or fucking?

@ Richo,

Maybe you've got a point there. I suggest we put your question to test on the dating zone of nairaland and see what happens. Topic should be, "Ladies which do you like most: sucking or fucking?"

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became
friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch.

They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This
went on all through the fourth and fifth grades until one day he noticed
that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, " Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
anymore?" She said, " I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to
grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and
said, "That's right you are, better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches,
I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look so he pulled down his pants for her. She said
"Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and the
gizzards

A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became
friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch.

They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This
went on all through the fourth and fifth grades until one day he noticed
that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich.

He said, " Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it
anymore?" She said, " I love it but I have to stop eating it."

"Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to
grow little feathers down there!"

"Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and
said, "That's right you are, better not eat any more chicken."

He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut
butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches,
I'm starting to get feathers down there too!"

She asked if she could look so he pulled down his pants for her. She said
"Oh, my God, it's too late for you, you've already got the neck and the
gizzards

Dear Sirs,
I have a solution for the prevention of hijackings and at the same time getting our airline industry back on its feet.

Since men of the Muslim religion are not allowed to look at naked women, we should replace all of our female flight attendants with strippers.

Muslims would be afraid to get on the plances for fear of seeing a naked woman, and of course, every businessman in the country would start flying again in hope of seeing a naked woman. Hijackings would end and the airline industry would have record sales.

Why didn't Bush think of this? Why do I still have to do everything myself?

Sincerely,
Bill Clinton

David takes his motorbike to the bike shop and the clerk tells him that the gas tank lid is broken.

The clerk instructs David to seal the break with some vasaline whenever it starts to rain to prevent water from getting into the tank.

That night, David takes his motorbike to his girlfriend, Melissa's, house to meet her parents. As he pulls up, she comes to out to greet him and says "No matter what happens, don't say a word. Mom and Dad had a huge fight about the dishes twenty years ago andn they both refuse to do them. The first person who speaks at the dinner table has to do the dishes. So no matter what, just keep your mouth shut!"

With that, David is taken inside where he is introduced to Melissa's father and mother. After a few minutes, dinner is served at they all sit down at the table, where there is complete silence.

David can't resist but have some fun, so about halfway through the meal, he sticks his hand down Melissa's shirt and fondles her for a moment. Although both parents are infuriated, neither of them say a word.

After a few more minutes, David decides to have some more fun. He reaches over and gives Melissa's mother the biggest Frenchie he possibly can. Both Melissa and her father and outraged, but remain quiet.

Moments pass and everyone is silent. David is smiling, when outside it begins to rain. Remembering his broken gas tank seal, he takes his container of vasaline and stands up.

Looking scared to death, Melissa's father jumps up and screams "ALL RIGHT, I'LL DO THE F***ING DISHES!!!"

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left ?" She calls on little TONY.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU."

"There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married ?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on'," but I like your thinking."


LITTLE TONY ON MATH

Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father.

"The teacher asked, 'How much is 2x3,' " I said "6", replies TONY.

"But that's right !" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3x2 ?"

"What's the f ** king difference ?" asks the father.

"That's what I said !"


LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH

Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word ?"

Little TONY says, "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."

Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a Mouth Gig."


LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss !!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'

Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN !"


LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael !"
Then the teacher reluctantly called on little TONY.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just f ** king beautiful !'"


LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER

Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time ?"

Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own f ** king business."


I LOVE Little Tony !!!!!

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?

Scroll down for the answer,









The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.

Men keep'a scrollin',









So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.

Yo momma so dumb, she failed a blood test

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poke me in the ribs and cackle, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

Difference betweemn yo momma and the titanic,

The titanic sank, yo momma floated!

how about this,

Yo Momma so stupid she went to dr dre for a pap smear
Yo momma's ass so hairy, it looks like don king is about to pop up and say, "only in america!"

@ Man eater,

Are u recommending these drugs to us from experience or are u just talking?

True talk my brother,
this shit list is correct, no doubt about it, and also one of the funniest things I've seen here

@Beautygal'

I'm just your average guy. I've just got a 9 inch tongue, that's all.

@ Richo,

Good one man, very good. At least you've got a 9 inch piston as you said, I've got a 2 inch piston myself, but a 9 inch tongue, what do you say to that?

@ Walttt,

Still waiting to hear your 10 reasons. And I'm not an IMT dude, ok?

@ Jaybaby,

sorry, I didn't know u were japanese!

@ Jaybaby,

you really think 80% of men are impotent? Maybe we should put it to test, me and you, what do you say?