₦airaland Forum

Hey guys, I just got the info that CELTEL is recruiting. Apply through' the link hr@celtel.com

Sean, don't worry if you just applied. you might still get called up. It depends on your location. I was told @ oceanic bank's branch in Enugu that they are not conducting tests in the east now, but they will send out info when they are ready, so chill, ok?

A Friend asked me to help pass this info to nairalanders that might be interested:
OAS helicopters requires the services of the following people:


1. front Desk officers
2. secretaries
3. utility officers

Qualification for front Desk Officers
Bsc. Social Sciences or its equivalent
proficiency in computer operation
Excellent oral and written communication
Ability to work without supervision
2 years and above working experience.

APPEARANCE:
good looking and smart dressing are important
Age: 25-30 years (single)
Female

Send your CV and application Essay, Topic: The impact of Effective Public Relation on Organizational image. Send to the E-mail/fax below:
hm_helicopteroperator2@yahoo.com fax 01-4963431

Secretaries Qualification:
B.sc/HND Secretarial Admininstration.
proficiency in computer operation mostly coral draw
Ability to speak and write french will be added advantage
Excellent oral written communication
Ability to work without supervision.
2 years and above working experience.

APPEARANCE:
Good looking & smart dressing are important
Age: 25-33 years (single)
Female.
Send CV and application essay topic:Why you want to be part of the winning team to
hm_helicopteroperator2@yahoo.com or fax 01-49634131.


QALIFICATION FOR UTILITY OFFICERS:
OND/NCE
Execellent oral and written communication
Ability to work without supervision
Adequate knowledge of various utility offices
1-2 years working experience.

APPEARANCE:
Good looking & smart dressing are important
Age: 23-29 years (Male)

Send CV and application Essay, Topic: the Efficacy of the internet today not more than 200 words to hm_helicopteroperatior2@yahoo.com or fax 01-4963431. it is open til 26th of sept 2006.

@ Boionoz
Although they said it's 1-5 years experience, I believe you can apply too. You never know what might happen. Sorry peeps the correct e-mail is acergy@terraconnecta.com. Goodluck!!!

I'm not an engineer myself, but I got this e-mail from a friend. I figure some of our engineer members might be interested:
Terra Connecta would like to draw your attention to a very interessting job opportunity with Acergy, a renowned oil&gas engineering comany.
Acergy is starting up their engineering offices in Lagos and are recruiting Nigerian engineers with potential to evolve quickly inside the organization.
After a few months of international training, you will actively participate in innovative projects such a deep offshore engineering for their clients (BP, Shell, Total…).
People with excellent skills, ambition and drive will be able to achieve positions with responsibility quite rapidly. This means that with Acergy, you will not only be able to develop your career , but also become an excellent professional in a very innovative technology.
Please do not hesitate to send your CV if you are available in 2006 or 2007. If you are not interested at the moment, please speak to your friends about this excellent opportunity, you will find more information below in the job add.





Acergy ( former Stolt offshore, 6000 employees worldwide) is a seabed-to-surface engineering and construction company for the offshore oil and gas industry worldwide. We plan, design and deliver complex integrated projects in harsh and challenging environments. We operate internationally on 5 continents as one group, globally aware and locally sensitive.

Our vision is simple : to be the acknowledged leader in seabed-to-surface engineering !

It is going to take the best people in the business to help us get there. Last year we recruited more than 130 engineers into our offices around the world. Acergy's global engineering development scheme takes our new recruits through project training, offshore projects and off the job training modules to different locations like Aberdeen, Paris, Stavanger, Houston and Singapour.
Today, some of our major deepwater projects are taking place on the African continent : in Angola Acergy delivered one of the world's most extensive underwater flowline networks at depth upto 1,400m in the Girassol project.
In Nigeria , we sucessfully participated in the Bonga seabed-to-surface development project, but many more unique deepwater challenges are yet to come in this country.
Acergy has therefore decided to establish a new office in Lagos where we put together multi-disciplinary, integrated project teams able to safely handle and deliver the demands of our undertakings.

To meet our present and future challenges, we are recruiting high calibre Nigerians in the following disciplines :

Structural, Pipeline, Subsea and Offshore Engineering

We are looking for high potential professionals with a solid academic background in the following disciplines : Mechanical, Civil, Offshore, Subsea, Pipeline Engineering.

You ideally have 1-5 years post NYSC experience in one of the relevant disciplines. You are available for employment in 2006/2007 and are highly motivated to start your career in Nigeria.

The best people expect best rewards and development opportunities. To help you grow inside our company, Acergy offers excellent international training and development opportunities. We are also confident that our compensation process provides our people with salary and motivation packages that are competitive across the industry.

If you are interested in joining Acergy , please send your CV and motivation letter by e-mail to: acergy@terraconnect a.com

Choosing a wife



A man wanted to get married. He was having trouble choosing among three likely candidates. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.





The first does a total make over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.





The man was impressed.





The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.





Again, the man is impressed.





The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5,000.



She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.



Obviously, the man was impressed .



The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money he'd given her.





thought,

thought,

thought,

thought,

thought,









Then, he married the one with the biggest boobs.







Men are like that, you know.



There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Hey guys, Access bank and GTbank are recruiting fresh graduates! Requirements: A minimum of 2nd class(lower) from a good university. Submit your CV in person to their head office or any of their branches nationwide. Also you can check out this link http://www.unep-wcmc.org/latenews/jobs/index.shtml for more job openings. Enjoy!!

Eniola, u don't write the test true true! No be small thing! All the same their questions consists mainly of ability to read tables and graphs, then they have english passages with questions. Don't be deceived into believing they are a ride in the park. Don't want to discourage you but I feel you should be on the alert. Good luck!!!!

The firm above being talked about by laxist is actually a company that makes household cleaning materials. The name of the company was not mentioned but below are the requirements, give it a try!!!

Candidates must have a first degree in sciences, social sciences, business administration, engineering, or pharmaceutical sciences
Must have completed NYSC
Must be below 28 yrs
Have a 2:1
To apply send application and CV to
The Human Resources Manager,
PO Box 801, Yaba, Lagos.
Or email rbng-recruitment@yahoo.com within 10 days.
_________________

A young guy out on the town with his mates spies the girl of his
> >dreams
> >> across
> >> the dance floor. Having admired her from afar he plucks up the
courage
> >to
> >> talk to her. Everything goes better than expected and she agrees
to
> >> accompany him on a date the following Saturday evening.
> >> Saturday night arrives and the man arrives at her house laden with
> >flowers
> >> and
> >> chocolates. To his amazement she answers the door in nothing but a
> >towel.
> >> "I'm sorry," she exclaims, "I am running a bit late. Please come
in
> >and
> >> I'll
> >> introduce you to my parents who will entertain you while I finish
> >getting
> >> dressed. I should warn you however, that they are both deaf
mutes."
> >>
> >> With this she ushers him into the living room, introduces him to
her
> >> parents and promptly disappears.
> >> As you can imagine this is a little uncomfortable as both parents
are
> >> completely silent. Dad is sitting in his arm chair watching the
soccer
> >> game,
> >> and Mom is busy knitting. After about ten minutes of complete
silence,
> >Mom
> >>
> >> suddenly jumps from her chair, pulls up her skirt pulls down her
> >knickers
> >> and
> >> pours a glass of water over her arse. Just as suddenly Dad
launches
> >> himself
> >> across the room bends her over the couch and takes her from
behind.
> >> He then sits back down in his chair and places a match stick under
> >each
> >> eye
> >> lid. The room is plunged back into eerie silence and the young man
is
> >> shocked
> >> into disbelief.
> >>
> >> After a further ten minutes the mother again rises from her chair,
> >pulls
> >> up
> >> her skirt, pulls down her pants and throws another glass of water
over
> >her
> >>
> >> arse. Dad leaps up gives her one from behind and places two more
match
> >
> >> sticks under his eyelids.
> >>
> >> No sooner have they concluded this strange behavior and the
daughter
> >> returns fully dressed ready for their date. The evening is a
complete
> >> disaster with
> >> the young man completely distracted by the goings on in the living
> >room.
> >> At the end of the evening the girl asks, "What's the matter? Have
I
> >done
> >> something wrong?" "It's not you," replied her date, "It's just
that
> >the
> >> strangest thing happened while I was waiting for you and I am
still a
> >bit
> >> shocked."
> >> After pleading with him to explain in more detail the young man
> >> reluctantly recounts the story.
> >> 'Well, first your mother jumps from her chair and lifts up her
skirt.
> >She
> >> then
> >> pulls down her pants and throws a glass of water over her behind."
> >> "I see," says the girl, "What happened then?"
> >> "Well, if that isn't enough your Father races from his chair
leans
> >Mom
> >> over
> >> the couch and does her from behind. He then sits back down and
places
> >a
> >> match
> >> stick under each eyelid.'"
> >> "Oh, is that all?" replies the girl.
> >> The young man can't believe the casual response to this weird
> >practice.
> >> "It's easily explained. Mom was simply saying, 'Are you going to
get
> >this
> >> assh*le a drink?' and Dad was replying, 'No, f*ck him. I'm
watching
> >the
> >> match.'"
> >>

Maersk requires….
-Head of government relation and corporate affairs
-Company secretary and legal advisor
-Senior archivist, general documentation manager and librarian
-IT technician, OND in computer science or related course, 1 yr experience in PC support/maintenance

Interested persons should send application and resume to NGAHRDREC@maersk.com within 10 days.
Indicate on letter of application which of the position is being applied for.
_________________

Fixed wireless solutions company needs
Suppliers of fixed wireless solutions in North America, with extension to Nigeria require people to fill the following positions
-Network engineer
-Material Coordinator
-Procurement manager
-Field engineer/radio specialist
-IT Desktop support engineer
-Proposal Engineer
-Ware house supervisor
-Civil Engineer
-Investor Reconciliation Officer
-Logistics coordinator
-Warehouse manager

Send resume stating positions applied for to telecomrecruits@fmailbox.com

British council needs…
A communications manager is needed at the British Council
The person: BSc or HND mass comm., PR, Marketing or ecommerce
4 yrs post graduate experience spanning journalism, PR, and website content development
Visit www.britishcouncil.org/Nigeria to download the application pack
Duly completed forms should be sent to hrlagos@ng.britishcouncil.org before 1600 hrs on Tuesday September 12.
_________________

Trainee engineers needed
Graduates with BSc/B.Eng in Civil, Mechanical, Chemical engineering
Minimum of 2:1
WASC/GCE with a minimum of 5 credits in one sitting
Not more than 28
Year of graduation not earlier than 2002
Completed NYSC
Should send application and CV and relevant credentials, copy of NYSC certificate or exemption letter to
The General Manager, Corporate Services, Guardian Press LTD
Advert Box No 991, PMB 1217, Oshodi, Lagos

Vacancies at NLNG
-French teacher, ref HRP/2006/009, location-Bonny Island
The person is to ensure excellent communications skills in French and English in children
Possess a B.Ed or BA degree with NCE or PGDE in French obtained at a minimum od second class
5 yrs post grad experience in a reputable school
Experience in the use of relevant computer soft wares
Not more than 40

-Nursing services coordinator, ref CMO/2006/003, location-Bonny Island
must be a registered nurse and midwife with specialization in Nursing administration
10 yrs post grad experience
45 yrs old

-Retainer Hospitals’ Nurse supervisor, ref CMO/2006/004, location-Bonny Island
Must be a registered nurse and midwife
5 yrs experience
computer literate
45 yrs old

-Charge Nurse, ref CMO/2006/006, location-Bonny Island
must be a registered nurse and midwife with specialization in Nursing administration
10 yrs post grad experience
40 yrs old

- Civil Inspector ref CMO/2006/005, location-Bonny Island
BSc in mechanical or civil eng, with 2:1
8-10 yrs experience, not more than 40 yrs old

Apply to The Manager, Manpower Planning and Resources
through any of the following address
Nigeria LNG Limited, C&C Building, Plot 1684, Sanusi Fafunwa Street VI,
PMB 12774, Marina, Lagos.
or Nigeria LNG Limited, Amadi Creek, Plant complex, off Eastern Bye Pass, Port Harcourt, Rivers State.
or Nigeria LNG Limited, Plant Complex, Bonny Island, Rivers State.
or Nigeria LNG Limited, House 20, Shell Trustees Estates, Maitama, Abuja.
Send hand written application, copy of credentials and CV. Ref number should be on the top left hand corner of envelope. The CV should be in this format:
Surname
First name/initials
Date of birth
Age
State of origin
Sex
Marital status
Contact address (not PO Box)
Telephone number
Email
Institutions attended with dates
Degree obtained with dates
Class of degree
Previous work experience
Referees

Hey Peterz,
I've tried to apply on the link you showed, but each time I tried to submit it keeps telling me to fill in the required fields and the 'reference no.' field was the only one I didn't fill out. In the end I had to improvise any reference no. and suceeded in submitting. Did it happen to you too? Am I supposed to provide my own reference no. ? Advise please

@ Sirify,
You said it all bro! Man maketh money, money never maketh a man. My boss always said to me, 'Even though you have to recognise that money is important, never worship it, for God's sake it's only a piece of paper!' I'm inclined to agree with him. The unfortunate thing today is, a lot of people worship money.

Ennygirl, I suggest u copy the link and paste in your browser. To Apply you can get their contact address from "contact us" on the website homepage. Cheers!!!

Locked Out

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock
the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger:
Blonde #1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Blonde #2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try
harder, its starting to rain and the top is down!"


Drive Time

There are 2 women getting ready to leave for work. The
brunette gets in the driver's seat and the blonde gets
in the passenger's seat.
The brunette says, "We're late, so you watch out the
back window for cops." As she speeds down the road she
asks the blonde, "So, do you see any cops?"
The blonde replies, "Yes."
The brunette says, "Are they behind us?"
"Yes."
"Are they close?"
"Yes."
"Are they going to stop us?"
"I don't know."
The brunette says, "Well, are their lights on?"
The blonde replies, "Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes.
No. Yes. No."


Row Your Boat

There's a blonde in a rowboat in the middle of a
field, just rowing and rowing her heart out. Another
blonde comes down the road, looks into the field, and
stares at the first blonde.
"What do you think you're doing?!" she asks.
"I'm rowing, and I'd better hurry up! I'm going to be
late!" says the first girl.
The second girl gets mad. "What?! You know, it's
blondes like you that give us all a bad name! And if I
could swim, I'd come out there and slap you silly!"


They Are Getting Smarter

A blonde was very upset at all the dumb blonde jokes
she was constantly hearing. She decided that she would
learn all the state capitals in an effort to defend
blondes everywhere. She went home and spent the entire
evening learning them all.
The next day, someone at her office told a dumb blonde
joke and she immediately retorted, "Hey , I bet I
know something that ALL of you don't know. I know ALL
of the state capitals which proves that not all
blondes are dumb."
The people in her office were somewhat dubious. One of
her co-workers finally asked, "Ok , what's the
capital of Texas?"
To which she smugly replied, "T."

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will you give me
a
ring?"
Sure" replied her lover "What's your phone number?"
----------------------------
A young woman went into a bank to withdraw some money. "Can you
identify yourself?" asked the bank clerk. The young woman opened her
handbag, took out a mirror, looked into it and said, "Yes, it's me
alright."
------------------------------
A man went to an eye specialist to get his eyes tested and asked,
"Doctor, will I be able to read after wearing glasses?"
"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"
"Oh! How nice it would be ," said the patient with joy, "I have been
illiterate for so long."
-------------------------------
"I have a bad headache. I'll visit the doctor."
"Nonsense, yesterday I had a headache, I dashed home, gave a big kiss
to my wife and the pain disappeared. Why don't you try it?"
"Good idea, call up your wife and tell her I'll be right over."
-------------------------------
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager
kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for?"
The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge."
--------------------------------
The wife phoned her husband in the office and said, "Darling, come
home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner."
"Good" replied the husband, "make sure she's well done."

Check out the link below and see if maybe you might fit in
http://www.careers.total.com/careersFO/careers/detailOffre?OFF_ID=14500&$DTO_SESSION$LANGUE_0=EN

All open vacancies : http://www.careers.total.com

I initially posted this topic under "vacancies" by plezant, but I figure a lot of you might not get to see it, so I've decided to post it again. I don't know if any other person have posted it before, cheers!!!

IBTC is recruiting candidates that meets the following requirements

1) BSC IN COMPUTER SCIENCE OR EQUIVALENT
2)A GOOD UNIVERSITY DEGREE WITH MIN OF 2ND CLASS LOWER DIVISION IN
RELATED DISCIPLINES
3)MUST NOT BE MORE THAN 26YRS OLD BY NEXT BIRTHDAY

FORWARD CVs TO HRM@ibtc.com or
HRMANAGEMENT@ibtc.com

This Information is for those who resides in Abuja only.Kindly send you CV to Augustine.Edeko@ng.standardchartered.com if you are intrested in becoming a direct Sales Marketer in a bank. ONLY SERIOUS MINDED PEOPLE AND THOSE WHO RESIDE IN ABUJA NEED APPLY.Thanks to all and have a lovely week ahead.
Rgds,

Web-Designer Profile:
Person should be experienced
good understanding of : HTML,CSS,_Javascript
Should have flair for Designs and graphics
Comfortable with Fireworks,Photoshop or any other graphics software
also able to do flash animations and use dreamweaver
Able to modify and create unique concepts

Wed-Developer Profile:
Php/Mysql, Perl, Asp,
and other object oriented programming languages
also understand the idea of Data modelling,

if you fit any of this criteria, visit

www.cypsol.com/jobs

hi,

Sorry I got da info late so plz act fast to those who
are elibigle.

Young Professionals Program Now Accepting Applications
for the 2007 Selection

The World Bank Young Professionals Program is now
accepting applications for the 2007 Selection until
August 31, 2006.

To submit your application, please use the "Apply Now"
button in the Young Professionals Program section of
this site.

http://web.worldbank.org/WBSITE/EXTERNAL/EXTHRJOBS/0,,contentMDK:20906802~menuPK:64262360~pagePK:64262408~piPK:64262191~theSitePK:1058433,00.html

Minimum Requirement

*
Be a citizen of a member country of the World
Bank

*
Be 32 years of age or younger when entering the
YP Program in September 2007 (born on or after
September 30, 1974, for this selection year)

*
Have obtained a Master's degree or equivalent at
the time of submitting your application

*
Be fluent in English

*
Specialize in a field relevant to the World
Bank's operations such as economics, finance,
education, public health, social sciences,
engineering, urban planning, and natural resource
management.

*
Have significant relevant professional
experience or continued academic study at the doctoral
level

In order for you to be competitive for the limited
number of positions, a combination of the following
credentials is highly desirable:

*
Display a commitment and passion for
international development

*
Possess outstanding academic credentials

*
Have solid professional expertise and experience

*
Exhibit excellent client engagement and team
leadership skills suitable for working in an
international organization

*
Have international development country
experience

*
Have working knowledge of additional languages
relevant to the World Bank's work

*
Be flexible and have the ability to work in
different areas of the institution

*
Be willing to better understand poverty issues
by having your work focus on the lowest income
countries

*
Be motivated to relocate and undertake country
assignments

Ciao,

Duttybarb, I hope say u dey hear this

IBTC is recruiting candidates that meets the following requirements

1) BSC IN COMPUTER SCIENCE OR EQUIVALENT
2)A GOOD UNIVERSITY DEGREE WITH MIN OF 2ND CLASS LOWER DIVISION IN
RELATED DISCIPLINES
3)MUST NOT BE MORE THAN 26YRS OLD BY NEXT BIRTHDAY

FORWARD CVs TO HRM@ibtc.com or
HRMANAGEMENT@ibtc.com

Hi all,
I got these job info from a friend. check out the link below each for details.
Unless otherwise stated all vacancies have a life span of two weeks from the date you receive this mail.
All the best.


1. Travel company vacancies
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1672#1672

2. Do you fit into any of these vacant positions?
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1673#1673

3. Engineers wanted
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1674#1674

4. Flourmills Nigeria requires
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1675#1675

5. Business managers needed
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1676#1676

6. A health organisation requires….
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1677#1677

7. APTECH Port Harcourt needs trainers
http://www.careersng.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=1678#1678

Kudos to you Plezant. na people like you we want here, not that duttybarb wey dey always make noise but end up making no sense. Meanwhile, check out the info below which I got from a friend to see if u fit in. I couldn't post it as a new topic.

there is a vacancy for 2 pro-
active female marketers.
emphasis on "pro-active". the person must be a goal-getter and a
people person. so if u fit, submit your C.V to
info@cypsol.com
and in the subject field, type "marketer"
all d best.
n.b: make haste while there's still time

Glad to see Enugu guys hanging out here. This side na eastside! Exclusively for Enugu guys! well Onitsha, Owerri, etc can holla here if they want. Hey Hotstepper, are u really in nnewi now? i grew up on Kenyatta road, uwani too. Do u think we could maybe hook up? holla me on my e-mail.

TRADITIONAL ECONOMICS
>You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
>Your herd multiplies and the economy grows.
>You retire on the income.
>
>INDIAN ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You worship them.
>
>PAKISTAN ECONOMICS
>You don't have any cows.
>You claim that the Indian cows belong to you.
>You ask the US for financial aid, China for military
>aid, British for
>War planes, Italy for machines, Germany for
>technology, French for submarines,
>Switzerland for loans, Russia for drugs Japan for
>equipment.
>You buy the cows with all this and claim exploitation
>by the world.
>
>AMERICAN ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You sell one and force the other to produce the milk
>of four cows.
>You profess surprise when the cow drops dead.
>You put the blame on some nation with cows & naturally
>that nation
>will be a danger to mankind.
>You wage a war to save the world and grab the cows.
>
>FRENCH ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You go on strike because you want three cows.
>
>GERMAN ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You reengineer them so that they live for 100 years,
>eat once a month
>and milk themselves.
>
>BRITISH ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>They are both mad cows.
>
>ITALIAN ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You don't know where they are.
>You break for lunch.
>
>SWISS ECONOMICS
>You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.
>You charge others for storing them.
>
>JAPANESE ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You redesign them so that they are one-tenth the size
>of an ordinary cow
>and produce twenty times the milk.
>You then create cute cartoon cow images called
>Cowkimon and market them worldwide.
>
>RUSSIAN ECONOMICS!
>You have two cows.
>You count them and learn you have five cows.
>You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
>You count them again and learn you have 17 cows.
>You give up counting and open another bottle of vodka.
>
>CHINESE ECONOMICS
>You have two cows.
>You have 300 people milking them.
>You claim full employment, high bovine productivity
>and arrest anyone
>reporting the actual numbers.
>
>
>NIGERIAN ECONOMICS:
>You have two cows
>You eat one and claim it was stolen
>Call in the Police to investigate
>Police arrested everyone living within 100km
>Torture them thoroughly until someone admitted
>kidnapping the cow
>The police instead collected one cow each from
>everybody arrested
>You have your cow back and the Police now owns a
>cattle farm.

THE HONEST DRUNK
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected a quart of
2% milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine
lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, and a 1 lb. package of bacon.

As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing
behind her watched as she placed the items in front of the cashier.
He said, "You must be single."

The woman, a bit startled but intrigued by the derelict's intuition, looked
at her six items on the belt. Seeing nothing particularly unusual about her
selections she said, "Well,you know what, you're absolutely correct. But
how on earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."